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Move along, princess. No loitering.
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Fucking amphibians. When will they finally commit?
Oglaf
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Posts and discussion about the Oglaf webcomic. Many of the comics are NSFW, please tag appropriately.
This comic started out as an attempt to make pornography. It degenerated into a sex comedy pretty much immediately
Posting new comics, and old comics until we're caught up
founded 3 months ago
MODERATORS
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You can't handle the sooth.
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The kind of future you cause by predicting it
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https://www.oglaf.com/sweetmeats/
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It's time to butcher the sugar cow
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sweeter than sweetbreads
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https://www.patreon.com/posts/idea-graveyard-123345850
We generate a lot more ideas than we do strips.
half-ideas? One-sided conversations? Terrible puns? We got 'em
Here's a bunch of stuff that didn't make it into strips but which we still kind of like.
I’m not here to save the world, just to delay the inevitable.
fortified cooking school is built to repel raiding parties.
Students are in high demand as slaves.
Never fly higher than you can survive if you fall.
That is terrible advice. You're the worst bird.
Its not literal advice, okay? I'm not literally a bird.
It's awful metaphorical advice and you are a shit-house bird allegory.
See i don't mind you saying that, because i never fly higher than i can survive a fall from, emotionally.
You can just say you have bad self esteem.
Would i need to dress as a bird if i could speak literally?
+20 sword is only for outside. Don’t be using it indoors, it’ll bring the building down.
There was a fly in the ointment but the fly is out of the ointment now and the ointment has really fixed up a lot of the fly’s issues and it wants to know what it can do to help.
The look?
Feh.
I don’t have the look.
I’ve got the whole search party.
They’re dragging the lake for me, bitch.
Want an autographed ‘missing’ poster?
I was raised by wolves but only briefly.
They fostered me out to possums.
I won’t pretend that didn’t hurt.
Funeral for the funeral god. Every Sunday. Come on down and have a big old weep.
Ask about comfort sex Wednesdays!
Overly-loyal Tarzan won't let go of the vine.
Overly-loyal Tarzan acknowledges he has a problem
So weird how much you humans love boobs.
They literally grow on you!
You’re getting high on your own supply.
You been working out, minotaur? You're looking beefy.
Stick sharpener? Anyone? Birch, oak, aspen? Stick looking a little blunt there, Ma'am- Freshen it up for you?
When Lord Longfrey is found dead, sharpened stick through his heart, the apprentice stick sharpener must go on the run and seek out the real killer.
...and the screenwriters must come up with problems that can be solved by sharp sticks.
This sling bikini is actually just a sling. I’m planning an assassination.
So you’ll be nude for the assassination?
Oh no, I’ll still have the cowl on.
Sling bikini with cowl. hot.
Gives you weird tan lines.
All the dry-bone skeletons are jealous of SKELETON WITH TENDONS
Where’d you get those?
Off a tennis racket, it turns out.
I don’t feel comfortable in a top or bottom role, I’m kind of middle management, sexually.
I want to be going back and forth between a domme and a sub, making things slower and worse.
Hot.
We’re an all-undead business- if you get the job would you object to being killed and reanimated?
It’s a ruby the size of an egg!
...a shrimp egg, sure
Ludmica- i’m gonna suck you so hard your eyes get tiny.
Gorg- Permanently tiny?
Lidmica- No six to eight weeks.
Gorg- Sweet.
Cut to Gorg with tiny eyes
Gorg- Everything looks so big. Honestly, I don’t want it to go back.
I’m focussed on looking like somebody you want to fuck.
Sexually speaking, I’m a cake on Instagram,.
Icing, sparkles, all of the colours.
So great to look at.
If you actually want to eat something, just get a donut.
Golfers vs orcs!
The golfers manage to take down a couple of orcs as they’re rushing in but the rest is very one-sided.
Don’t be fooled into thinking we’re outnumbered- it’s an octopus with hand-puppets
Watch as I make myself cum! (turns into cum)
Magpie swoops, causes cyclist to crash and die.
Magpie gets 3200 XP and jumps straight to level 4
It can now swoop at 220 km/h and starts smashing the fuck out of humans.
Soon it’s at level 20 and moves so fast it’s a blur. Also, makes lightning.
I kept an open mind but that was a stupid idea because now Smurfs have moved in.
...sort of Smurfs.
Little blue mind-flayers but with distinct, marketable characters.
Angry, Artsy, Klepto, Bigot, Milf
Giving me terrible ideas as per their individual idioms.
I think they’re selling drugs from the back of my head.
Maximus- are you not amuuussseeddd?
Commodus- I was before but it’s feeling preachy now.
Maximus- yeah I realise that but I have an important message that you all need to hear
Commodus- That we’re shit?
Maximus- uh... yeah, kind of.
Commodus- you can see how that might not resonate, right?
Maximus- ...sure.
Commodus- Great! Try something else then.
Maximus- Uh.... Like and Subscriiiiibbbbeee!
Commodus- perfect.
cleric kneels before fight
“For these orcs we’re about to slay, may the lord make us truly grateful”
Cleric says that gives us armour buffs but I’m not convinced.
Cleric only casts weird spells like ‘eucharist’ and ‘baptism’
Cleric has brought full boys’ choir into the dungeon, gets them to check for traps. Choir’s getting smaller but better ‘cause cleric makes the worst singer check.
No-one is coming to save you.
Even now, nobody is rushing up to the gate guards and duelling three of them at once.
Now nobody is climbing the tower wall
And listen! Who’s that at the door? Nobody!
Thank goodness you’re not here!
Can we not fuck? I’m worried I’ll end up a single parent.
I hate how great my ass is.
It’s making me really vain about my ass.
I hope we’re headed North because that’s the only direction I know.
Or south, I guess, if you don’t mind walking backwards.
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https://www.oglaf.com/secret-admirer/2/
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4 missed callers
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SMS bullying before the telephone
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https://www.oglaf.com/secret-admirer/
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I feel many secret emotions
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I am an admirer of secrets
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https://www.oglaf.com/changeling/
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come away, O human child, to the waters and the wild
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probably just colic
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Labyrinth 2
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Monster cock. Not as big as the internet would have you believe
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from your first cigarette to your last dyin' day
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all that is required for neutral to triumph is good and evil people to do nothing
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https://www.oglaf.com/labyrinth/
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There's one in your ear, apparently.
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Foolish Theseus! I built the entire labyrinth out of string!
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https://www.oglaf.com/human-women/
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in which objects get objectified
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all the human women, all the human women, all the human women - if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
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Copying a public Patreon update here about the process involved in creating an Oglaf strip:
Hello, Doug here.
Trudy broke her arm three weeks ago!
She had it operated on this week, so she’s not drawing much ‘cause she’s high on painkillers.
So I thought I’d step you through our working process.
Classic filler content.
We’ve been doing Oglaf for fifteen years or so- we’ve got a bit of a system going.
Writing
We’ve got a big old online doc
I try to write 5 jokes into it every day.
They don’t need to be good jokes.
Because writing a good joke? Way too much pressure.
Writing five shitty ones? I can do that!
Look at that. That’s a genuinely awful joke.
I don’t even care- I’m hitting a quota.
I reckon 20:1 is about the bad-to-good ratio.
So write 20 jokes, there’ll probably be a decent one.
A Random word generator is often useful as a starting point
Trudy puts stuff into the doc too, Round about Thursday, we start saying “do we have a strip for this week?”
Then we trawl through the doc, tagging possibles, chat about what we like.
Here’s the idea that turned into last week’s strip
We looked at that and said- Ooo that could be a list strip- some dumb things to pray for, then the angel shuts it down at the end.
Great.
So we need maybe six jokes- dumb notes you could give God
Can I write six good jokes?
Nope! Way too much pressure.
I can write a hundred bad ones, though, there should be some good ones in there.
I grind out a big ol’ list.
We highlight ones we like
Then it’s time for a rough.
Rough
I copy all the dialogue onto a photoshop document, move it about in search of the layout of the comic.
Often there’s way too much text to fit in a page, so the options are...
- spill out onto two pages (twice as much to draw and colour!)
-Edit out dialogue (usually the best option. You rarely regret cutting words)
-Just have it be over-crowded with words ( not ideal but happens a lot)
I like to have panels with no dialogue- just reaction or pause moments, so I often end up shuffling text into earlier panels to make space.
Trudy looks at the rough, asks “what the fuck were you trying to draw there?”
I recently started to colour-code recurring characters, which helps with clarity
Trudy decides if the strip is...
Yes- good to draw
Maybe- make some changes
No- try another idea
We cycle through that 'til we arrive at a Yes.
Usually it’s about Saturday morning at this point.
The original dog shit joke didn’t make it in!
I like the idea but couldn’t figure how to present it succinctly.
Draw
Trudy turns my weird roughs into something recognisable.
...there are two wolves inside all of us. A good wolf and one that sort of looks like an anteater.
Trudy has to do actual design for characters, locations, costumes, props.
...I assume she does anyway. At this stage I’m off in a coffee shop without a care in the world.
Trudy pencils the page, I give notes, usually pretty minimal.
Trudy re-draws then inks.
It normally takes her a day to draw and ink a page, but that depends on the content- people talking is easy, action scenes and fucking are time-consuming.
Other factors that affect her speed-
how determined is the cat is to sit on her drawing board?
how broken are her bones?
She draws on A4 paper with a mechanical pencil, inks with uni pin fine line pens in assorted sizes.
We colour between us in photoshop- a page usually takes 6-8 hours.
Letters and speech bubbles done in illustrator.
Every Year, Adobe hit me up for a huge slug of money. Every year I promise to start using other software. Never do.
Publish
By this time it’s pretty late on Sunday night, all that’s left is to think of a name, upload it.
Sometimes it’s reeeeeal late on a Sunday and the name makes no sense.
Then we upload, post to social media, get told how may typos we’ve made, fix the typos.
Done!
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https://www.oglaf.com/breastplate/
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lifts, separates, deflects
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Armor with a 'U'
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He's drawing a lot of fire from the Amazons.
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Shakespeare-approved Rohypnol
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Cross my palm with silver then bring me the unholy hybrid.
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Non-magic potions also available. We call them 'drinks'
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https://www.oglaf.com/suggestionbox/
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count your blessings
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my gratitude journal has lots of ideas for cool new dinosaurs
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https://www.oglaf.com/northerner/
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I feel like that word needs one less 'r'
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Whale-skin cloaks. Not as sexy.
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Having consumed its victim the flatbear, now resembling a normal bear, will sleep for three weeks.
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https://www.oglaf.com/scabbard/2/
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it's an analogy for something, but I forget what.
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