Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Odd_Act8532 on 2023-12-26 20:57:02+00:00.

My partner and I have recently come back from university for Christmas to spend it with my side of the family. We have both arrived exhausted from university and other life events that have affected us significantly, to the point that we have not been able to rest for 2 months and are behind on work. We saw this as a chance to relax but unfortunately there hasn't been much of that happening due to the environment my mum gives off .

Now on sunday when she got back from work we got In to an argument about loud music. For context i havent been able to sleep properly for 2 months due to health issues and she woke me up playing loud music, so loud in fact that you could feel the bass in the walls. I asked if she could turn it down and as mums do made it in to a lecture about how I was being unfair because she had a rough day. I got annoyed and told her just to please turn the music down just a little bit so that we couldn't feel the bass through the floor and she reluctantly did.

Later on I felt bad with the way that I reacted and went down to apologise. I told her I was sorry for the way I spoke and tried to explain that I had only just gotten to sleep (she's knows about my struggle). She unfortunately was still annoyed and told me that I shouldn't bring it up now becuse it's in the past.

She then told me that my uncle had found out that I was back for Christmas and and he was upset I didn't tell him that I was back from university, despite having told him when i was arriving. I'm seeing him on Christmas day but he was annoyed i hadn't seen him sooner. ( I struggle walking long distances due to some mobility issues that my family knows about and its quite a walk to get to his house ) . My mum then said that I had to fix my attitude and that I would end up alone if I didn't. My partner told me to post her so reddit AITA? I hope you all had a happy holidays !

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Aromatic-sage-4464 on 2023-12-26 20:55:16+00:00.

FIL/MIL owned a house and wanted to sell the house because of health issues and a desire to have a more full life by moving into a retirement village. A neighbor, an ex-cop with property investments, expressed interest in buying their home. Suspecting the neighbor might be undervaluing the property to take advantage of FIL, we offered to buy the house at fair market value and provided information on its true worth. Neighbor had a person come in and tell FIL the value of the home in the past (well below assessment value by 100s of thousands).

Anyhow, FIL sold it to the neighbor for well below the homes assessment value - close to 200K. about 20% less.

We tried to intervene and asked to purchase it for more than the neighbor was offering. FIL said no outright, he wanted to sell it to neighbor, we could 'never afford it', it is none of our business, and some other lovely things.

My husband was furious that his dad was, in our view, was scammed. SIL does not seem to share our anger. We question his competence, whether he actually understands the value of his home. MIL has dementia. But in every other way he seems competent and taking legal action might cause further strain the relationship. SIL is very active in their lives and does not think FIL is incompetent.

This has seriously challenged my husband's view of his father - he feels betrayed/neglected. This transaction has affected husband's view of FIL, they often discussed finances and real estate, and he saw his father as financially savvy.

Our concerns extend beyond the lost financial opportunity to FIL's vulnerability, fearing the neighbor might exploit FIL again. SIL has power of attorney (I think) but, downplays the financial aspect, focusing on the fact that the decision was FIL's to make. SIL keeps saying the money was never really real, she and her husband don't care about money, what's done is done, it is FIL's decision, we cannot change it etc. She does not seem angry and does not engage when we talk about it. It feels implied that we are greedy and selfish.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/KangarooOverall1247 on 2023-12-26 20:55:16+00:00.

In October my family had started discussing holiday plans and it was decided I would be hosting Christmas dinner. I was planning to do the standard ham dinner that everybody is used to. In November I was badly attacked by a loose dog and have gone through 2 surgery’s, one of which was December 18. I was not recovered enough to cook a homemade Christmas dinner for 15 people or to do massive amounts of dishes.

My fiancé and I ordered a full Ham dinner from a respectable restaurant and sturdy paper plates with a cute Christmas design on them to make hosting dinner doable under the circumstances. We didn’t feel like my fiancé could handle the dinner by himself with me injured so decided to order out. My whole family knew I was injured and nobody offered to help with dinner in anyway. They all showed up and complained that the meal was not homemade and that we “bait and switched them”. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FilledUpTinCup on 2023-12-26 20:53:03+00:00.

My wife is the love of my life. She is a great gift giver, and really is the light of my life. I have a number of lesser expensive collectors toys that I decorate my basement with. For Christmas this year, my wife got me one of these collectors toys, and it was one I already had. Rather than say anything, I was very grateful, said thanks, and didn't mention that I had it already. A while later, I went downstairs to grab something, and took a moment to grab the duplicate toy that I currently have from the shelf, and threw it away. Then, I covered it in the garbage can so that no one would be the wiser, because I take the trash out.My sister-in-law saw me do this without me knowing, and walked over and said "why'd you throw that away", and I was honest. I said "well, [wife] got me one for Christmas, and I don't see a need to put any stress on her, so I threw away the one I had, and I'll put the new one on the shelf. It's more effort to say it was a duplicate and have her get worried than it is to just say 'thanks!'".SIL did NOT like this. She felt that I was being dishonest, and made a point to say that while she wouldn't say anything, I was boneheaded for not coming clean to my wife that I already had it.So, AITA?

EDIT: The toy is a football helmet that you get on top of a drink when you go to different stadiums. It isn't the kind of thing that you would give away to a donation bin, it's just a cheap piece of plastic, but I get one from all the stadiums I go to. she thought I missed the one I got this year, so that's why she gave it to me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/annerd3 on 2023-12-26 20:52:38+00:00.

My husband works for a temp agency as a 'recruiter' - he spends his day interviewing potential employees who are looking for work, then matches them with companies who have hired the agency to provide them with workers.

After 9 months, my husband has now been offered a promotion with the temp agency. Instead of interviewing potential employees, he will be 'selling' the temp agency's service to businesses. This new position would not include a salary increase, but offers potential commissions and a company truck for travel.

My husband and I both work full time, and have a 2 year old child. While we both technically work 8-5, I leave work at 5, while he doesn't leave the office until 6-7. I work hourly and make about 25k more than him. Husband is paid salary, but ends up regularly working (unpaid) 10+ hours more than me a week.

Our child is with my parents 3 days a week - at daycare the other 2 days. Husband and I split pick-up's and drop-off's. I take care of the majority of the housework: laundry, dishes, trash, misc. cleaning. We split grocery shopping and cooking, depending on which of us has time. Our schedule is not ideal, but manageable. I experience burnout once every few months, and usually ask him to help me more. In general, he just 'doesn't have time' except on the weekends.

If our child has an appointment or is sick, I am expected to stay home from work. My husband says that 'he cannot miss work because he is still 'new' and it 'looks bad' to his employers'. I've been at my job for 5+ years, so in his mind, I can/should be more flexible. While I get it, I've expressed that this makes me feel like he does not value/respect me or my time.

The promotion will be based in a new office 2 hours away from where we live. While he won't need to commute every day, he will be in charge of scheduling his own appointments with various businesses, so will be driving back and forth often. He will need to stay overnight 'probably once a week'. He will never have a set schedule.

I asked if he could plan to schedule appointments only on MWF so that he could at least be here on TTH, giving me some sort of regularity to depend on. "No, I can't guarantee anything."

I told him that I don't think he should take the job. Our current schedule is hard, but manageable. If his weekly schedule is always 'unknown', that means that all drop-offs, pick-ups, and cooking may/will be added to my already full plate. Who knows. The lack of a consistent schedule will be extremely taxing on me, physically, mentally, and emotionally. He says I'm not being supportive, and that this is his opportunity to 'get ahead'. I told him that this will break me. He says 'this is how every job out there is - so it's this or we never get ahead.' I told him to go ahead, I'll make it work somehow. He said he 'wants me to want this.'

I don't want this. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/plsdont on 2023-12-26 20:52:14+00:00.

My birthday is in 4 days and as a family tradition these past couple of years we have had a little bit of fun experimenting with birthday cakes. We don't buy them for our own birthday so leading up to anybody's birthday we usually ask each other what we would like so we can put in an order and go get the cake.

My mom had been asking earlier this month what I wanted for my birthday cake this year and for previous years we've kept to a bakery that's close by. About two weeks ago I sent her some suggestions and we both liked this one particular cake, but it was from a bakery in the city. I asked if it was okay and she said it would be, even though she would not be the one getting the cake. I assumed she would tell me if I needed to switch to another cake from another bakery but she never did, so I thought that they would be getting the cake I asked for.

Today she came to me saying that my sister would be working the day she would have to pick up the cake, and it would be bothersome for her to make the trip back home if she had to stop by the bakery with all of her work things. She does travel with public transport during rush-hour, so while I did understand the annoyance it did upset me that my mom wouldn't tell me until now. It was only when they were ordering the cake and taking about which time they were going to pick it up, that they realised there was an issue. I did ask that they put the order in for the cake earlier and simply set the date for the day before my birthday, but they still waited until now and of course discovered this issue too late. My dad can technically pick the cake up as he is retired, but he would have to pay for the bus which they wanted to avoid I guess.

I did get visibly upset when she came in asking for me to switch my birthday cake. I didn't understand why they couldn't have said something earlier as at the end of the day my birthday is on the same day each year so they knew that they needed to pick it up the day before, nor why my sister couldn't do this one thing for me just for my birthday. I think part of it is also the fact that they know that birthdays are important to me, even though they themselves don't care that much. My mom also made a fuss about going out to eat on my birthday since my dad wouldn't come with us as he can be a picky eater, and I guess the feelings I had over that seeped into it as well.

I would myself often put tasks like this over my own comfort as I think it's not a big deal when its somebody's birthday, as its only a once a year thing. We barely celebrate anything in my family so this, aside from Christmas which me and my sister have single-handedly have kept going, is really the only time to make something a special occasion. I feel like I'm overreacting, and I also realise it might be other things that are upsetting me as well and not only the cake, but I really want to understand if I am being unreasonable in situations like this. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Exotic-Function-1332 on 2023-12-26 20:51:20+00:00.

I 41F bought a dj controller, speakers and their stands and it came out to be 1k, for my New Year’s party about 3 years ago.

I organise the event every year and that year couldn’t find a dj so bought the equipment and learnt how to use it myself. At my party, guests pay to cover dj, hall rental and catering, but as I didn’t find the dj, I covered the remaining cost of about 600 myself.

To make back the money, I rent out the equipment and made it back pretty quickly and now it has paid for itself and I still occasionally rent it out for extra money. My friend was organising a party for his friend and asked me to lend the equipment for the party on the 12th, as well as a week beforehand to learn how the equipment works as he wanted to dj.

I lent it to him, however he never gave the equipment back, and after asking a few times I felt awkward asking again, as he kept saying he’d give it back soon. Nobody really rents it out for the first few weeks of December but I had a rental booked for the 23-25th. I put my foot down on the 21st as it had been a full week now and I had a rental booked. My friend said he’d bring it over on the 22nd, but his car broke down and he didn’t answer either my calls on the day. I had to refund the deposit for my booking and apologise.

I have got the equipment back after texting his sister and girlfriend and a mutual friend. I venmoed my friend for the deposit and the lost income and sent him a text to explain it and breakdown the cost but he said he’ll only cover the deposit and that I’m taking advantage of him. I genuinely don’t think I am in the wrong but looking for another opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fickle-Baseball9581 on 2023-12-26 20:40:32+00:00.

I (28F) didn’t text/call my mom (57F) yesterday. She also did not text/call me.

My stepmom(57F) and my dad(62M) came to mine and my husbands house for Christmas. I made a joke to my dad in the morning and said “how much do you wanna bet she isn’t going to text me?” And he laughed said he wouldn’t hold his breath on it. Well my stepmom said phones work both ways and just because my mom didn’t text first doesn’t mean I can’t. My stepmom didn’t mean it in a rude way, she’s been in my life for 25 years so we are close and it wasn’t some snarky remark.

Here’s the reason I won’t text me mom. For the last 5+ years she will only call me 2-3 times a year to begin with. This year was my breaking point to not reach out first. I had my wedding back in September and my mom left early. Not just middle of the reception everybody dancing, I mean middle of dinner dance floor not even open yet kind of early. She didn’t say bye, she didn’t say congratulations, she didn’t leave us any card, she didn’t let me know she made it home (out of state) and she still 3 months later has not contacted me. Nothing on thanksgiving. I got a new number and texted my family and still not reply to acknowledge that she saved my number.

I feel like an asshole because my stepmom has a point, phones do work both ways and I could easily call my mom. I also feel like it isn’t my job to contact first every single time. As a mom of 1 with another on the way, I could not imagine not contacting my child. I could not imagine not saying anything to your grandchild or checking in.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/OppositeBreadfruit26 on 2023-12-26 20:40:00+00:00.

Ok some context usually I spend Christmas with my mom but this year my dad offered to fly me out to Dubai to spend the holidays with him cause. I’ve never been to the uae so I decided cool I’d go see dad do some shopping celebrate Christmas with him and fly back for new years. The main issue that lead me to doing this is cause my mom planned some sort of weird camping trip with her husband and his daughter for Christmas and I just don’t enjoy spending time with them. Like no hate to them they are good people we just don’t have much In common.

So I did that and like earlier yesterday I got a call from my mom just wishing me merry Christmas and that whole thing. She mentioned how she’s a bit disappointed I decided to go to my dad’s place as he doesn’t even celebrate(he gave me his card to go shopping and took me out to dinner). I told her I just thought it would be fun and this would let them just have a fun Christmas as the jolly day long celebrations aren’t really my thing.

She said she’s disappointed that I didn’t want to spend the first Christmas with my new family members actually being in the same country as them.

I feel kinda bad about it cause my mom has always tried to get me to be like her protective older brother cause her Actuall brother did some pretty fd up things to her but on the other hand I just don’t get along with her cause she’s to shy.

So aita

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HellhoundsAteMyBaby on 2023-12-26 20:39:19+00:00.

As objectively as possible, here were the three situations that sparked him getting mad:

1. He took us to the temple on Saturday that is an hour away (we are Hindu) and once outside, my brother mentioned an idol that I hadn’t seen where they were offering my favorite sweet. I waffled outside the door for a minute and asked what my dad and brother thought before deciding that it would take too much time to go all the way through again and we left without going back in
2. The next morning, my brother and I were chilling in my dads bedroom and I noticed an Rx bottle with Tums in it, I casually commented “oh I put my Tums in those orange Rx bottles, did you take it on the plane with you? Cause they can make a fuss over it plus they get all crushed” (he just came back from a long trip to India). Then I asked “btw lol which one of your meds were you originally using the bottle for?” It’s not an important question, he’s on a bunch of meds and has been for years. I was just asking to make conversation. I went to medical school, he asks me to review his med list frequently. There’s no secrets about it from my brother either.
3. He said “I woke up and started the day at 7am” and I was like “nah you didn’t get up till 8:30, I heard your alarm going off every 9 minutes from the other room and you didn’t get out of bed till 8:30, your alarm woke me up too and I could hear when you got up” because… well, it did. Idgaf if he gets out of bed at 7 or 8:30 on a holiday Sunday, I was just offhandedly saying it. It was in the context of laughing at my brother because I had to wake him up at 11am

All of these things, I didn’t think were a big deal. My family always teases each other and it’s never an issue, I didn’t think this was even 5% of normal teasing level.

After the last incident he blew a fuse and started yelling, then said “I bet you’re gonna start crying and make a huge dramatic incident because that’s all you ever do nowadays.” Then he stormed downstairs and locked himself in the basement.

Well, I was planning to head out in another couple hours anyway, but I had had it, yes I did cry, and when I pulled myself together in about 10-15 min, I packed up my things and left early. I sent him a slightly acerbic message a little after I left that he was the one who offended himself over nothing and ruined the weekend.

We did not wish each other a merry Christmas the next day. I am constantly in a position with him where something like this happens and I am the one who has to apologize even when I don’t think I did anything wrong. So I am hesitant to reach out and apologize this time too.

In this case, was the accumulation of events actually bad enough to warrant this reaction from him?

Btw I am 31F, brother is 23M, dad is early 60s M

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/islanderb- on 2023-12-26 20:36:19+00:00.

Last night my family played a game of White Elephant with 5 participants, including my daughter(12 F) who is on the spectrum, I had informed the family in advance about her participation and brought two gifts for the occasion.

I switched my number 1 with my daughter's number 5 during the distribution. The game proceeded with the highest number going first. My daughter, with number 1, could either steal an opened gift or take the final wrapped one.

When her turn came, she chose to steal my sister's (29 F) purse (a gift my sister wanted really badly), and then my sister opened a set of Smart Lights. Playfully, my daughter considered switching back for the lights so that she could trade with another person but was informed it wasn't allowed. Attempting to revert, my sister expressed disappointment, saying "that's not fair" and "you got my hopes up", leaving my daughter with the lights (she already has lights and we brought this gift to the exchange) and my sister with the purse. This was a rule break on my sister's part. She shouldnt have kept the purse, since it was stolen.

Feeling emotional, my daughter excused herself. My sister made comments about her needing to be "humbled" and making up rules, my daughter overhead this. I then witnessed a side bar among family members about her behavior, and trying to defuse the situation, I said "can we not dwell?"

Later, I texted my sister, addressing the game rules and her comments about my daughter. She said I broke the rules first (trading my better number with my daughters) and then denied her own rule-breaking, criticized my parenting, stating my parenting in not helping my daughter at her age, and claimed my daughter needed to be humbled and shouldn't have been included in the first place.

After pointing out the inappropriateness of commenting on my parenting, she apologized for hurting my daughter's feelings, denied talking negatively about my parenting, and suggested my daughter just wasn't being nice and I should have told her that.

Unknown to me, she also accused me of coddling my daughter in that side bar I mentioned earlier. My parenting involves supporting my daughter during her autistic meltdowns and educating afterward, a strategy my sister deemed coddling.

I feel frustrated on behalf of my daughter. But I wanna know, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Illustrious_Dirt7084 on 2023-12-26 20:34:19+00:00.

My brother hosted Christmas at his house along my with his girlfriend who lives with him. I normally try to be very courteous to her since I have in laws of my own (husbands sisters) where sometimes I have to practice patience. I’m only Mentioning this to understand that I know what it’s like to deal with partner’s family. So normally we get along fine with my brothers girlfriend minus some red flags I’ve overlooked.

However Christmas was the icing on the cake. Her and my brother are neat freaks and require shoes to be taken off before entering their house. I respect this but considering the occasion and 25+ people in their house I wasn’t expecting everyone to abide by these rules but I did my part and took off my shoes and my toddlers shoes as well. However my toddler was having NO part of it. He refused and we took them off anyway against his will and my brothers girlfriend, we’ll call her Laura, saw him having a meltdown and decides to hide them in the other room. So my parents were comforting him and I left the room briefly. But Once I heard him cry louder was when I left the kitchen to check on him and laura approaches me and says “ oh he’s crying bc I hid his shoes in the guest bedroom because we have rules here and I was trying to explain that to him” (ps he’s a toddler not sure he knows how to reason but ok) But Then her nosey friend proceeds to interject and say “good job Laura, keep those boundaries!” I was like dumbfounded and didn’t have a good comeback so I just stayed quiet and went to check on my toddler. I get there and he’s shaking and saying “go home” meaning let’s go. And I couldn’t get him to understand that I couldn’t give him back his shoes but he kept crying and wailing and so the only option I was left with was to find his shoes and leave.

Mind you, my brother texted me later not realizing what had happened and begged me to come back but the part that hurt was that his girlfriend never once followed up with me after this incident. I plan on keeping my distance with her but feel a bit upset after her behavior. She clearly has no problem not mending things. Did I overreact by leaving? How should this relationship be handled moving forward?

Keep in mind I’m very close to my brother who is my twin and I’d hate to lose contact with him because of my relationship with Laura. (Not sure if this matters but other people didn’t take their shoes off at all and she didn’t hide theirs 😒😒😒) ohhh and also, my brother and Laura have dogs that they’ve brought to my dogless home and jump on my couch and out of courtesy I’ve never told them to restrain them) **** edit to ADD: YES I BROUGHT HIM SLIPPERS TO WEAR INSTEAD and TRIED GETTING HIM EXCITED BUT HE HAD A MELTDOWN ANYWAY AND REFUSED ****also I ACTUALLY HAVE AN AMAZING RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SISTER IN LAWS FROM MY HUSBANDS SIDE DESPITE NEEDING PATIENCE SOMETIMES

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bookdragonthrowaway on 2023-12-26 20:32:21+00:00.

Throwaway account. My husband (42m) and I (37f) usually alternate each year between going to his parent's house and my parent's house for Christmas dinner, and Christmas Eve dinner we do at the other one's house. So this year we did Christmas Eve at my parent's house, and Christmas at his parent's house. Both families usually do a potluck style dinner.

I'm lactose intolerant and have been for about 5-ish years. My family does a really good job of accommodating for this. So for all the potluck dishes, my family works really hard to make sure they don't put any butter in them, or milk, etc. They use plant-based butter that doesn't have lactose, soy milk, you get the idea. My sister is also gluten free, so we're used to making dishes in different ways. So, for Christmas Eve, I had a really great dinner with lots of food for everyone to take home leftovers.

Christmas at my in-laws - they are really bad at remembering I'm lactose intolerant. They do know, but they have their traditional dishes that they make every year and they refuse to make them differently, which is fine! I don't want to make anyone not get what they're wanting just because I can't have it. But I've also gotten really tired of just eating a side green salad for Christmas or Christmas Eve whenever I go to their house. :( So this year, I brought over leftovers from Christmas Eve so I could eat something.

My mother-in-law was REALLY offended. Even when I pointed out to her that there was nothing for me that I could eat (there wasn't even a salad this year because the one they made had dressing already on it that I couldn't have), she said that it was bad manners for me to bring my own leftovers, especially at a nice holiday meal.

AITA? I recognize it probably wasn't polite to bring leftovers for a Christmas meal, but I never ask them to make anything specifically for me (not that they've offered) and I'm tired of going hungry.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TasteLikeCherryCola on 2023-12-26 20:32:06+00:00.

We've had a lot of family tragedy happen over the Christmas holiday first it was my sister loosing her baby in November that was due January time and now hearing the news that my nanny has terminal cancer. Before hearing the news about my nanny I had asked my sister if they (as in her and her fiance) if they wanted anything for Christmas, she said we aren't celebrating Christmas this year and we don't want anything, I did text back if she was sure as I would feel bad if I don't get them anything, she reassured me that it was ok and then Christmas rolls around and they do in fact get Christmas gifts to open etc. So I'm sat down opening my presents feeling like an asshole for not getting them anything despite respecting their wishes that they don't want anything (not even money) am I the asshole??

Edit: for some context I am autistic and I did speak to my boyfriend about it and he said he would've gotten them a little something. So now I feel like I should get them a little gift but at the same time I want to respect their wishes.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Altruistic_Edge_3052 on 2023-12-26 20:31:19+00:00.

I (15F) and my mum have a pretty good relationship with each other however she's really fat phobic and I am 20 kgs over my target weight so she CONSTANTLY makes comments about my weight which I try to brush off but at the end of the day it still kind of hurts.

I tend to eat a lot at night especially when im stressed and my mum gets super mad at me whenever I eat late at night so I just hide food upstairs so I can eat it late at night but today I wanted a cookie but there wasn't any upstairs so I when to the kitchen to take a cookie but she was there and saw me grab it. She came over and physically forced the cookie out of my hand and told me I can't eat it. I asked why and she said it is because you just can't eat late a night.

Other times when she caught me eating late at night I asked the same question but more lightheartedly and she said the reason was because im fat. I tried to tell her the time you eat something docent affect the amount of calories it has but every time I say it apparently I say it too nonchalantly because she just docent reply or brushes it off.

However, this time around I was serious and I pulled out a article that said that the time you eat docent affect affect the calories. She once agin didn't want to look at it and just walked away but I was serious so I followed her around holding up the article on my iPad and waited for her to look up. Instead of looking up she just got really really mad at me and said "fine, eat, eat all you want I don't care, I don't know about science, just eat it then" but she still wouldn't tell me the real reason why I can't eat late at night and just kept yelling at me to eat it if I want to which scared me so I went upstairs and slammed my door.

She then followed me upstairs and forced me to pick something off the ground that had fell off when I slammed the door and continued to yell at me that she didn't know about science and I should just eat it. She then told me dad to come upstairs and talk to me with the excuse that he was fixing my fan and when he left he also told me to stop eat at night because im fat enough already. So, AITA for eating late at night?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/metal_monkey80 on 2023-12-26 20:28:51+00:00.

The background for this story is a bit long, so I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.

I (42M) have come to realize in the past few years that my mother (66) has narcissistic tendencies, if not NPD (but I know that needs to be clinically diagnosed so I hesitate to fully say that).

In October, we had a huge fight because I couldn't clean their pool until the day after they wanted me to. Accusations that I "never help them" and that they shouldn't have to "negotiate" for my help, etc. This has been a running theme with them. If they ask for help and I don't immediately acquiesce to their time frame, I'm met with anger. It's important to note that I always do end up helping them with whatever chores.

This time, I just calmly message that Thursday isn't good for me, Friday would be better and to please stop being dramatic about a pool.

This goes over like a lead balloon. Eventually I'm driving to my first appointment and receive a call from my mother telling me that I need to come over because my father, in a fit of anger walks out of the house and she thinks he's going off to harm himself. Which isn't a thing he's ever hinted at in his entire life.

I try to stay calm and tell her that I don't think that's the case. She hangs up on me. Another phone call 10 minutes later. Same thing. She tells me I'm awful and hangs up.

I text both parents 20 minutes later to just let me know that my father is at least home. tTey give me the silent treatment, complete no-contact, from October 26th until December 18th.

On Dec 18th my father comes to my house unannounced lecture me, I guess. And say why they're mad and why I'm wrong, etc., etc.. I, again, calmly explain that it's not fair that they expect to say whatever they want to me, gaslight me about whether or not I help them and that they were the ones behaving childishly. He says "well, you need to work it out" and leaves.

Again, I hear nothing afterward. But I'm upset. Not even an acknowledgement that they *may* have overreacted.

So I decide I'm not going to engage. They ignored me through Halloween and Thanksgiving so I'll just be making my own plans this year.

Then the 21st my father shows up again unannounced. With "gifts" - 2 dogs toys for my dogs, a few candies, a card and inexplicably, a box of my reports cards, drawings, school awards from their house.

Why? I don't know. I'm still upset and I'm refusing to play this emotional manipulation game.

Until I get texts late last night about how awful I am for missing their anniversary and not contacting them at all. Along with a list of al the things they've done for me. I've still yet to respond, because I don't honestly know what to say. I feel like explaining myself calmly doesn't work and the usual confrontation just ends in a fight or a screaming match.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/External-Channel-352 on 2023-12-26 18:52:42+00:00.

I'm 28 M. My mama died not long after I was born. Dad married Tina (Not her real name) When I was 7. She had a daughter also 7 from a previous relationship Diana. Me and Diana did not get along. Diana was spoiled and to adult me, it was obvious she resented not being the only child anymore. She took it out on me. She would brake my toys and steal my stuff and lie to get me in trouble. I would complain to dad and Tina but they told me to get over it. If I did the same, I would get punished. It only got worse as we got older. I felt abandoned by my dad. I often felt lonely in my house. So I guess you guys can see who the golden child was.

At 16 Diana spread a nasty rumor about me in school and I almost got expelled. Diana got caught lying and got suspended. Of course dad and Tina blamed me for this. That was the last straw for me. I rang my cousin, Shyla from my mama side and told her what's been happening. She came over to my house angry at Tina and dad. She gave them a piece of her mind. Dad said if it bothered her so much, then she was welcome to have me. That was a blow to my heart to hear my own dad say that to me. So me and Shyla went to pack my stuff. Diana room was open and she was sitting on her bed smirking at me. We got my stuff and we left. I haven't looked back since.

Over the year's dad or even Diana tried to contact me. But I would block all attempts. Now a week ago, Shyla visited me. She told me that she got a message from dad, for me. I was suprised she even mentioned dad since she knew how I felt about him. She told me that Diana was in fatal accident and didn't make it. She said he was wanting to talk to me. Shyla handed me his number and said it's up to me. I did ring him out of curiosity, more than anything. He didn't even recognize my voice. But when I told him it was me, he broke down crying and most of the time I couldn't make sense of what he was saying. When he calmed down, he said my sister died and it's time to come back home and make things right with each other. I asked what sister? I have no sister! He started crying and saying don't do this! She doesn't deserve this. This is enraged me and I just let out all my anger, hurt and frustration I had felt towards them and ended with I don't care if she had died! My girlfriend who was beside me took my phone off me and ended the call for me. Glad she did, before I had said anymore. She told me later, that I could have been more understanding. I've had time to think over and wonder if she is right and AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ElaborateRoost on 2023-12-26 20:28:27+00:00.

I (33F) have two older brothers, Alex (40M) and Marty (35M). Alex and Marty had behavioral problems growing up and I was the shy, mature, and compliant child. In other words, when they acted out it was because they didn’t know any better, but when I acted out I should’ve known better.

Our parents got divorced when I was 11, at which point Alex moved out of the family home because he was 18. He got married young and had his oldest child when I was 16.

Growing up in a split household, I’ve had to wait for Alex to show up for holidays and for Marty to wake up before I could open Christmas presents or family dinner could begin. For the last 20 years I’ve been told that although I’ve shown up early or on time, things don’t begin until everyone arrived. It’s been convenient for them because I’ve been around to do all the holiday setup and they just arrive and the show begins immediately.

I decided to opt out of Easter and Thanksgiving this year because I was tired of waiting for and on my brothers, but decided to show up for Christmas. Marty said 1pm, and I showed up at 12pm to all the gifts having been opened and I was gutted that they didn’t wait for me or even text me. I almost walked out but decided to suck it up.

I called Marty this morning to get the story about opening gifts without me there and he said he didn’t realize they had to wait, then doubled down and said that he wouldn’t have been upset if no one waited for him to start opening gifts. I brought up that he wouldn’t know that I was always instructed to wait because half the time it was his arrival that I was waiting on. Now, Alex has 4 kids and they all opened their gifts before I arrived, but I’m gutted that my brothers didn’t consider waiting for me.*

AITA for expecting the same consideration that I’ve shown to them all these years and for them to wait for me to open gifts like we always have?

ETA: gutted that my brothers didn’t consider waiting for me before opening *their own gifts. The children have a tricky visitation schedule with their mothers so I’m glad that they got to open theirs together.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Middle_Aged_2680 on 2023-12-26 20:27:31+00:00.

I started seeing my ex again after a year of separation. He broke up with me by ghosting me after dating almost a year. It sucked because wanted a future with him. I dated a couple guys after we broke up but never could develop feelings for them. My ex had kind of kept the lines open by sending an occasional text to remind me that he still had my belongings and I was able to pick them up whenever I like. And would ask if I was seeing anyone.

About 3 months ago I committed to my employer that I would relocate to work onsite in person. This involves a long distance move and it is a life changing endeavor.

A month and a half ago my ex text me again and asked if I was seeing anyone. I was having a long distance relationship that was fizzling out because I was always the one traveling and the sex was not satisfying. I told the ex I was not seeing anyone and started the process of ending the long distance relationship.

Things are going good with my ex now but this time I have no stake in the game because I am moving. However I have not told my ex my plans to relocate and have been careful not to lead on to my plans.

I am waiting for my relocation package from work so I can set a moving date and finalize arrangements.

AMTA because I want to wait until the last minute to tell him I am leaving because the sex is good and I don’t want to give that up yet?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Lower_Gift5748 on 2023-12-26 20:23:37+00:00.

I (21m) have done a gift exchange with my cousins (25m and 24f) and brother (17m) for the past 6 years. For the gift exchange we buy each cousin a present, so everyone ends up with two presents. Every year goes the same, my brother and I text our cousins to ask what they want but they do not ask us.

Now both of the cousins are nerdy in the super anime way and particular about their merchandise which is why we always checked. They are both very spoiled, live at home with part time jobs and have always gotten their way. Given that, our cousins always get gifts of exactly what they want from my brother and I. While my brother and I end up with stuff we don’t want from fandoms we don’t know. Both my brother and I are nerds in our own way so the gifts they give are always nerdy but from their fandoms. Which my brother and I have shown interest in only because they cannot physically talk about things that they don’t care about. Even without having an interest in their shows we try and make an effort to listen and talk to them about theirs. So to me it seems that Christmas would be the one time when my brother and I get what we want.

This year we opened presents and like normal I did not know what the show was that my cousins got me shirts from, nor could I fit in the shirts they got me of that show since they don’t bother asking my size. My brother got figurines from a show he had never heard of and our cousins got what they wanted.

Now I know one solution would be to just send them what we want, we have tried that and they ignore it. I have expressed my brother and I’s concerns to my mom since the first exchange. She says every year it’ll get better and does nothing about it. I have also tried talking to their parents about it since they both live at home, but that was considered rude by me for not showing interests in her kids shows. So this year after opening presents, I pulled my cousins aside and told them that my brother and I do not wish to participate in a gift exchange. “As much as we appreciate your gifts they are not things we want or even know what they are from, it would save money and time to simply not do the gift exchange.”

Well they went and told their mom that we were ungrateful and rude, and that we had always bullied them for being socially different. The younger one even cried because “I was making her an outcast in her own family and she thought this was her safe place”.

Now my aunt is trying to make me apologize and my mom agrees with her. But I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Any_Bookkeeper2304 on 2023-12-26 17:46:42+00:00.

I am wondering if I am justified or not. Everyone come over for Christmas. I have 14 grandkids, then all of my kids (5), everyone’s spouse and all of the older relatives. The kids get 3 presents each, that’s 42 gifts just for the kids. Their are 17 adults and I get them 2 gifts each, so 34 gifts in total. Then I got 9 gifts in total of the pets in the family. I’m not counting any gifts from my husband and me or any of the gifts I got from all the relatives. If I did it would be around 100 under the tree.

As you can see it is a ton of gifts and I start shopping for everyone at basically the start of new years. Also young kids are so easy. Anyways I put everything under the tree and it is a mess each year.

My issue is the one of my DIL, the whole night she kept going on about not being able to get many present for their two kids. At the adult table she started ranting about how I made her look bad to her kids. Her husband tried to make her stop and she told him someone has to tell this bitch.

I had enough at this point and told her that her being poor is not my problem and to stop judging the amount of presents. The dinner went on and the kids had a wonderful time. My son wants me to apologize.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ancient_Instance851 on 2023-12-26 17:20:13+00:00.

My husband has a friend Mark who always needs something. Family time is constantly interrupted. There’s been events missed because Mark always has some sort of petty drama at the most unconvenient times. He’s been my husband best friend for years but has struggled with unemployment and holding down a job. Mark grew up at a foster house near my husband so my husband feels bad for him.

During the birth of my most recent baby Mark gets a dui and was constantly on the phone trying to get my husband to help him. My husband left the hospital just a few hours out of my surgery to bail Mark out of jail.

The thing is my MIL has the same feeling about Mark as I do. She feels like Mark’s crisis are always convenient at family time.

MIL was visiting us for Christmas and in Christmas Eve Mark said his mom had a medical emergency and the next flight was Christmas Day at 9 am. My husband agreed to to take hime because Uber are expensive on Christmas was his excuse. So because of the distance to and from the airport, my husband left at 7am and didn’t get back until 10am.

My kids got up early and was enjoying their gifts from Santa. My MIL and I fuming as we try to eat breakfast and let the kids do their thing. We already moved unwrapping the “family gifts” to Christmas Eve so we could do it as family. This made it a hectic schedule because we already had other things scheduled (when my husband took that “emergency”call) My MIL even called it out saying he bet it was Mark having another crisis.

So my husband came home at 10 am and Christmas was awkward from there because MIL was angry! She told my husband it’s now time to cut Mark out of the picture that he does this stuff on purpose. I completely agree with my MIL

The argument eculated to if we geta divorce my MIL will support me for suing for child support say my husband can go “die broke with Mark” but the grandkids won’t be lacking and my MIL told my Husband I will get my “fair share” since i’m the 3rd wheel in his and Mark’s relationship.

My husband is hurt because I didn’t bother defending him while his mother said those things. I completely agree with her is what I told him. He’s now upset staying at a hotel until his mom goes home in a few days or until we apologize because he couldn’t help that Mark had an emergency.

My MIL is encouraging me on getting a divorce and my parents are starting to feel the same. This situation is crazy and I don’t know what to do at this point but I feel like I shouldn’t feel bad that my husband is staying in a hotel now instead of home with his mother and family over Christmas week.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Thrway_DadsGF on 2023-12-26 14:50:45+00:00.

Me (31F) and my husband (33M) have two kids (5M and 1F).

My father (64M) is a serial cheater. For the last 20 years, most of his relationships have ended due to that. He goes through girlfriends like babies goes through diapers. While I'm not comfortable with that, my opinion doesn't matter. The women he dates are free to make their own choices.

However, I do have two problems with this. The first is that the older my father gets, the less his relationships last. Since my son was born, he's introduced us to 8 different girlfriends, their time together lasting anywhere from 3 months to a year.

The second problem is that my dad expects my kids to get attached to whatever woman he's dating. He invites them to go out with us, volunteers them as babysitters and talks them up to my son, usually to get him to want to spend time with them.

For the first few years of his life, my son would spend weeks meeting my father's girlfriends and memorizing their features, only for them to vanish from his life a couple months later. Though it saddens me, he's gotten used to it.

We're spending the holidays with our extended family, and my dad brought along his current girlfriend, "Patty" (36F). They've been together for two months, and my kids met her a week ago.

Over this week, Patty has expressed her desire to get close to my kids. Both she and my dad have been trying to get my son to meet her properly. However, my father's routine isn't working this time: my son declines her invitations to play, doesn't interact with her much and hasn't seemingly made any effort to talk to her. He's not impolite, he just doesn't show any interest in her. My daughter is a bit shy, and doesn't seem to want to be around Patty either.

After my son didn't acknowledge her at all during Christmas Eve, my father decided to confront me about it. He said he was disappointed in me, as Patty loves my kids and I'm not making any efforts to get them to love her back.

It took me a while, but I lost my patience. I told him, "they've known her for a week, she's almost their mom's age, and they'll probably never see her again after a couple months; why should they need to love your girlfriend?"

My father was pissed. He's accusing me of raising my kids to be selfish, impolite brats. We had a short fight about it, and he barely spoke to me during Christmas. He also texted me that "Patty was upset", so I can only assume he told her.

My mom, as well as my aunt and cousins, think I did the right thing, and that he needed to hear it. My younger sister thinks I was too harsh, and that I should at least try to get my kids to meet Patty properly.

I have nothing against Patty, but I don't want to force my kids to have a relationship with her.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Feisty-Let2726 on 2023-12-26 20:22:05+00:00.

I am a 41(f) and my dad’s role in my life has been sparse at best. He has been trying to be around more often in the past few years. Overall, I am usually open to his attempts. This year he showed up and within 12 hours of being here he called me “neurotic” - not a huge deal cause I’m used to the digs. When I didn’t respond he set his sights on my 7 YO son. He called my son a “butthead” which made my son cry, so then my dad called him “a manipulative crybaby who is just spoiled and trying to get his way.” My son is an extremely sweet and sensitive child - we do not call names in my household. So, I told my dad to get his stuff and leave on Christmas Eve. Nobody on my side of the family wished me a Merry Christmas or has talked to me since. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/heymikki94 on 2023-12-26 12:37:46+00:00.

My fiancé and I hosted our first Christmas this year. We went through a ton of time, effort and money to prepare. We made beef Wellington which is a real labor intensive dish to prepare and we provided a ton of food and drink for everybody. My mother and step father, step sister and her kids, my sister and her new boyfriend and aunt and uncle were there. After only 2 hours and before the dessert course was even served, my sister and her bf left “because she had a cat” and my step sister and nephews left because she was hung over from hosting a Christmas Eve party that we weren’t even invited to. After my sister left, my mom had asked me what I thought of her new boyfriend and I had responded that he seemed like a very nice guy but I found it very rude that they had chewed and screwed when we went through such effort to host people. My mom got mad that I said this in front of my aunt and uncle however I would have kept my opinion to myself had she not asked. AITA?

Edited to add at the request of Other commenters: My mother is the one that has popularized the “chew and screw” phrase within my family. She has always previously been the host and would always say things like “don’t chew and screw” setting the tone for all that it is rude to leave before all dinner courses have been completed.