Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Feeling_Coffee1234 on 2023-12-26 14:28:41+00:00.

My (34F) boyfriends' (32M) father (50s M) has never been to an anime convention.

We wanted to take him with us for his first experience, however tonight we found out that his stepmom's coworkers' daughter (22ishF) has decided to bring him to Dragoncon for his first convention.

My Bf and I are very sad/hurt that we don't get to share this experience with him and I personally think Dragoncon is a TERRIBLE and horrendously overcrowded starter/first time convention.

WIBTA if I attempted to speak to the daughter or his dad about it?

I havent said anything yet because I'm feeling jealous and hurt that we aren't going with him for his first con.

-For context: Coworkers daughter only started hanging out with his dad and stepmom recently, but its been very very often- BF and I don't know stepmoms coworker or her daughter very well at all, Plans were made ahead of time without us.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fair_Philosophy_9588 on 2023-12-26 14:23:36+00:00.

A bit of context - our family is me 30f, my sister 38f and my parents who are 60. We are very close but have a long history of my parents occasionally acting completely out of pocket or doing something insane and then never apologising and me and my sister have to just act like it never happened and move on.

When we were kids we had no choice, and the older we’ve gotten the less it’s happened.

On Christmas Eve my dad asked if everyone would like to go to a cheap local football game on Boxing Day, we all said yes. We went on a walk on Christmas Day morning and extensively discussed going to the football game for at least 30 minutes, we knew all the details and who was going. On Christmas Day afternoon he asked me again if I wanted to go, so I replied with yes I’ve already said we’re going? He then completely blew up and screamed that I was a moody AH and always miserable and my attitude was ruining Christmas and that I wasn’t invited anyway. So I calmly said ok I won’t come. He continued shouting at the top of his lungs that I ruin everything and I was always such a moody AH and he didn’t want me there. So I said fine I’ll leave.

I calmly packed all of my things, explained to my mum what had happened and said I would eat dinner with them and then leave. She told me it would ruin Christmas if I left and I said that was clearly dad’s fault and not mine. My sister also said I needed to just learn to ignore it, but I don’t think I should have to anymore. My dad refused to eat dinner with us, refused to speak to anyone for the rest of the time I was there, also shouted at everyone else for not helping enough and then stormed off. I went home after eating.

My sister told me today they did all in fact go to the game without me. Which also upset me.

Should I have just ignored it for the sake of being civil?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/998990x on 2023-12-26 14:15:21+00:00.

I single handedly bought and wrapped 30+ gifts for my family and I received nothing for xmas.

I had xmas at my house and had spent all morning cooking. I had 30+ gifts under the tree for grandkids, kids, their partners, few cousins and my partner. I single handedly bought and wrapped it under the tree. We watched xmas movies together and enjoyed dinner. It was time for presents and I had a fun time giving them each of their gift and seeing their reactions. I do get a lot of joy in giving than receiving. As they’re all enjoying their gifts and sharing I’m going around picking up all the trash. I then cleaned up the whole kitchen and was finally exhausted. It wasn’t until I laid in bed and got really emotional. I didn’t get anything. Not even a card or a box of chocolates or something small. Anything that I could have gotten to unwrap I would have appreciated it. (Side note: when I was little, my mom use to make me wrap my own presents so I was never surprised for xmas, I never got to enjoy unwrapping a gift and being surprised, which I why I would have appreciated anything, literally anything to unwrap)

To give you some background of my family. I’ve been with my partner over a decade and he has kids from a previous marriage that we have raised since they were in elementary. I’ve felt that I’ve done pretty well with step mom duties and have done the absolute most when it comes to celebrating them as my partner seems to not have a creative bone in his body. We’ve gotten them through high school, college and are now functional adults with salary paying jobs and one of them with kids of their own (whom I’ve helped raise as well as she was struggling as a single mom). I’ve helped from homework, projects as kids all the way to them as adults with taxes, loans, realtors etc. I’m usually the go to person as oppose to their father/my partner. I’ve always had a good relationship with them and they’ve always liked me.

Christmas is here. I’ve been planning on gift ideas since October. I spent all morning cooking. I spent all evening watching everyone open their gifts. I spent all night cleaning up after the party.

The sad thing is I don’t think anyone noticed I got nothing.

AMITA for not wanting to celebrate xmas next year? I feel petty doing that because they love coming to their dad’s house cuz of the effort I give and their other families is not their fav. If I cancel xmas next year I’m technically ruining my own xmas as not only is it about presents but the atmosphere, the joy, the music I love the whole xmas spirit.

Idk I feel kinda selfish crying about this. But also pretty bummed.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Great_Letter1001 on 2023-12-26 14:15:12+00:00.

Over the last two years I (30F) have become good friends with Sarah, (28F). We started out as just work colleagues, but it graduated into full-blown friendship when we discovered we had lots of similar interests and hobbies.

Around 10 months ago, Sarah informed me that she was unhappy with her partner of seven years, Jeff. The spark was gone and she was making plans to end things. This came into fruition 6 months later and I was there for her every step of the way. She openly told me that without my support, she wouldn't of been able to go through with it. It bonded us together and we were chatting daily, mostly via WhatsApp and saw each other a few times a week outside of work.

Only a few short weeks later, she met a man called Phil. She wasn't looking to start something straight away but couldn't deny their 'instant chemistry'. Phil ended up finding her on social media the next day and sadly, the rest was history. It transpired he was married but by that point, she was in too deep. They were talking for hours everyday, going on dates, the works. We were chatting more than ever because she felt she was falling in love but hated how unavailable he was. As a side note, I didn't agree with the situation but it wasn't my life so felt I shouldn't judge.

As time went on, Sarah said he'd became 'creepy'. She very much wanted him to build a life with him whereas he was obsessed with showing her how long he could hold an erection for. After three months, she decided it was time to meet other people to see if she could get over her infatuation with Phil.

Then along comes Roman. He's everything she's ever hoped for. They share a love of horses, have similar beliefs and overall just have a great time together. As the ever dutiful puppy dog, I was along for the ride, listening to everything she wants to talk about, offering guidance etc. To be honest, I was just happy she was away from Phil.

However, here's where I think I'm the ass hole. Over the last 6 weeks, things with Roman have continued to get better and she cut Phil off permanently. She's so incredibly happy but now, I'm feeling pushed out. We no longer talk regularly and seemingly don't have any time to see each other anymore. I know they're in the 'honeymoon' phase, but I feel know that she's found Mr. Right I'm no longer needed.

Basically, I feel after 10+ months of being someone's emotional rock, I've now been discarded and it feels kinda shitty.

So, am I the ass hole for being annoyed that my friend is finally happy?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CadeChestnut on 2023-12-26 14:06:49+00:00.

I live 120 miles from my parents. They live in my back-home town & have been divorced since I was a little kid. I grew up in both of their homes.

I'm a full grown, 40-ish adult with a spouse. We go to both sets of homes to celebrate Christmas. My dad (and his side) pass out stuff & everyone kinda unwraps all at once. In the hectic chaos, he just never passed me anything. The day went on & I was leaving & I just find it incredibly rude to say "Where's my gift?" So I didn't.

At my mom's she said, "I bought you something online in November & it never arrived," the very first moment I walked in.

AITA for being "bummed" that neither of my parents gave me a gift to the extent that I'm already contemplating changing it up next year? I had nice gifts for them. It's not about receiving the gift itself (I know that) ... But each story feels like they both forgot me or forgot to give me a second thought. Or is there just a certain age that gift giving stops? We're all middle upper class, so money isn't exactly a factor in this scenario. I mean, they could've given me a poem or old framed picture or a generic candle or gloves or anything, right?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bantamweight2002 on 2023-12-26 14:05:40+00:00.

TW:SA

My gf (21F) has Christmas dinner with ex and ex’s parents every Christmas. They also do other holidays together as her parents are bestest of friends with his parents. Now the reason for my dilemma: she grew up w this dude, but they never dated as bf/gf. Instead, when she was 14 he blackmailed her into doing sexual stuff w him otherwise he would tell everyone at school she did. So she did this a couple times until it came out that he had told everybody anyways and that everyone in school was talking about her, coming up to ask her, etc. So she tells him she’s done doing the stuff. Story over.

She knows she was SA’d by him but never told anyone but her therapist. I’ve told her, “it would be unacceptable if I was having dinner w/ my ex-sexual partner, why should I allow it for your case?”

She has had Christmas dinner with this rap!st dude and his family her whole life and now she has a problem w me coming in (just started dating in FEB) and trying to change that. It literally makes my blood boil that he’s anywhere around her and I’ve come close to telling her mother what he did to her (which would ruin our relationship) just so that I’m not the only one invested in keeping this creepy guy away from her.

We fight ab it multiple times frequently and I think this is “the one” guys- the one argument that either makes us or breaks us up. AITA for not compromising on this bs?

TLDR: my gf was SA’d by her childhood and family friend who she still has Christmas dinner w/ each year (+more) and we can’t get past this argument. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/atoinu on 2023-12-26 14:02:40+00:00.

I (20M) was enjoying xmas with my family (my mom, my 'step' dad- hes just my dad, and my brother) and got a message from my birth father wishing me 'merry christmas'. He hasn't been in my life since I was 13 and the last time he tried to contact me was September after me asking numerous times to not be contacted. In September, I ended our convo with a message basically saying "leave me alone and never message again".

For some context: He was a terrible father. He would abuse my mom while my brother and I watched, he missed all our important life events, he told me I'd go to hell for being gay, he let his mom verbally abuse me, etc. When I turned 13, my mom gave me the option to go NC with him. I took it. He didn't try to reach out until I was 19. So I told him that he had his chance to be a father and that I had a better one at home and that I wanted him to leave me alone. He kept messaging. In September, we had our last convo before xmas and like I said— I told him to leave me alone again.

Fast forward to Xmas, he messages me while I'm opening gifts and I reply saying "what did you not get- leave me alone" and he sends a paragraph talking about how he's different and he helps gay people now, how I need to forgive him and 'grow from it' and everything else. I was over it- furious, I told my parents I was gonna call him- they told me I shouldn't but then I left the house and called him. That was my first time hearing his voice since I was 13, so I got a little emotional and heated on the call. Otp, I told him everything I ever wanted to say to him: terrible father, ruined my childhood, ruined my xmas, leave me alone, etc. I ended the call saying "you didn't want a gay kid- you didn't want me- so now you don't have a kid— f*ck you and never reach out to me again or I'm getting a restraining order." I hung up on him and then blocked him everywhere for the millionth time. Ever since I went NC at 13, I've changed my entire name, hid where I went to college, and blocked him repeatedly to get away from him so this was my final straw.

Am I the asshole for saying what I did and doing what I did? I can't stop thinking I might be because it was Christmas, but then my family told me I did the right thing when I came back after the call and I'm torn.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Greedy_Ad5019 on 2023-12-26 13:51:25+00:00.

I (65f) and my husband (67m) have two daughters our eldest (36f) is neurotypical and our younger one (33f) has high needs nonverbal autism. She's in a group home and requires 2:1 aides at all times, we bring her home every Christmas but she cannot handle "outsiders" in our home so we cannot have the assistance of aides (just as she doesn't like us in our group home because we don't "belong" there). She is like a toddler in an adult body, is incredibly strong and requires constant supervision.

I have a bad back (ruptured disc) so I do this every Christmas against the advise of my doctor, this level of care isn't even something I'm supposed to be doing but i do it because she expects Christmas just as it's always been and has no way of understanding not being able to come home so I push through it even though it causes me horrible pain for days.

My elder daughter just brought her first house and wanted to be able.to host Christmas, I felt horrible but told her (even though she was prepared to include her sister) that I could not properly supervise her in her house and she could not handle the disruption to her routine, and expects christmas just as its always been, but that we definitely plan on seeing her new house just after the holidays.

She proposed Xmas Eve instead but that's not possible because I have to get the house ready for her sister plus the extra travel to her house (she's over an hour away that travel hurts my back badly and I have to preserve what little energy I have for her sister for Christmas and thought she would understand). She's upset and thinks "if I can tough out my back for her sister I can do it for her too"

I just can't do both so close together I need to space it out.

I appreciate she's had to make alot of sacrifices her whole life but her sister literally cannot understand, she can.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glittering-Gas-7855 on 2023-12-26 13:58:55+00:00.

Reposted

AITA for taking my daughters electronics

My daughters are 15 and 16 they are big gamers they do nothing else but play video games at this point and it gets concerning

They don't go outside much or exercise they go to school and do homework but besides that they do nothing else

It's summer holidays for us and I didn't want them to be playing video games 24/7 so I told them to pick some activity or just go outside and play or hang our with friends or do basically anything beside gaming

They were be playing on their laptops till 1am so I made a new rule that they have to turn in all their electronics by 10pm and they will not be allowed to have it overnight.

But my daughters still played basically the whole day and had well over 7 hours of screen time.last night my 15 year old sneaked her laptop and played till almost 3am and I found out my 16 year old was doing the same thing

So I told them that they would have their laptops taken away but last night my 16 year old was caught sneaking playing her switch and my 15 year old with her phone at 4am

I decided enough was enough I took all of their devices and told them they won't be getting anything back soon I told them that they could earn back the time if they do something productive extracurriculars or getting a job but if they were going to just sit at home there would be no electronics.

My daughters kept whining and complaining and talking about how I'm ruining their life They have been extremely upset and kept asking how they could get their electronics back and I told them they could get 1 hour of screen time if they do some extracurriculars or a part time job and I would increase that time slowly once they proved to no longer be addicted.

My daughters are still mad at me but they reluctantly chose some activities. My sister says I should just let her play video games as it's summer

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/snallsacrifices on 2023-12-26 13:27:00+00:00.

I (26f) spent 22-26 of December with my bf’s (“Luke”) family, staying at his parents’ house along with his sister, her husband, and their kids.

It was a long few days to say the very least. It’s very cramped quarters (3 bedrooms, 1 full bathroom), and very different to my own family’s Christmas. Luke’s family, his mother especially, are not my biggest fan (totally fair, as we’re all very different), his niece and nephew are unruly, they eat food that I don’t, all in all, not what I would call a good time. Nevertheless, I went to Christmas at Luke’s request and tried my best to make sure I was not a burden or embarrassment to Luke while he tried to spend time with his family.

Today, we left to go home, and tomorrow I will be going to see my mother for a few days before returning for New Year’s, when Luke and I will be attending my friend’s party. The party is a black tie event that Luke is not looking forward to as he doesn’t know/like anyone going besides me.

In the car on the way home, he joked that he really wasn’t looking forward to going. I joked back that I made a sacrifice going to his family for Christmas, so now it was his turn, and at least the party was only a few hours. Luke got offended that I said seeing his family was a sacrifice and asked if I really meant that. I said yes, I did, obviously I did, since I pretty much subsisted on coffee for 3 days, his niece ruined a piece of my personalised luggage set, and his family clearly don’t like me. I said I was happy to go for him, and I would do it again, but it wasn’t enjoyable for me beyond seeing him happy.

This was apparently deeply offensive as he said he felt like he’d had a nice family Christmas and that I’d ruined the memories now that he knew I was pretending the whole time. I’m a bit confused as to how he would think I legitimately enjoyed being cold, hungry, and having no privacy for days on end, and not being with my family for Christmas. But either way, it was a choice I was happy to make for him and it’s not the end of the world.

I don’t see how I’m the AH for pointing out (humorously and with no malice) that I made a sacrifice for Luke, but he’s been cold to me since I said it. Am I missing something here?

Edit: It won’t let me comment since this is a new account (don’t have the karma) so for everyone asking about the food/why I mostly had coffee, I didn’t want to seem like a jerk for buying and cooking my own food while there. Luke and I went to the store and I get a few snacks that I didn’t need to keep in the kitchen so as not to offend his family but obviously I couldn’t he eating those all the time. So at breakfast I had coffee, for lunch had another coffee/snack and for dinner I just ate what I could of whatever they were having (normally a bit of the side dishes). I thought it would come across really rude to buy and then use their kitchen to cook myself a whole separate meal.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Greedy_Ad5019 on 2023-12-26 13:51:25+00:00.

I (65f) and my husband (67m) have two daughters our eldest (36f) is neurotypical and our younger one (33f) has high needs nonverbal autism. She's in a group home and requires 2:1 aides at all times, we bring her home every Christmas but she cannot handle "outsiders" in our home so we cannot have the assistance of aides (just as she doesn't like us in our group home because we don't "belong" there). She is like a toddler in an adult body, is incredibly strong and requires constant supervision.

I have a bad back (ruptured disc) so I do this every Christmas against the advise of my doctor, this level of care isn't even something I'm supposed to be doing but i do it because she expects Christmas just as it's always been and has no way of understanding not being able to come home so I push through it even though it causes me horrible pain for days.

My elder daughter just brought her first house and wanted to be able.to host Christmas, I felt horrible but told her (even though she was prepared to include her sister) that I could not properly supervise her in her house and she could not handle the disruption to her routine, and expects christmas just as its always been, but that we definitely plan on seeing her new house just after the holidays.

She proposed Xmas Eve instead but that's not possible because I have to get the house ready for her sister plus the extra travel to her house (she's over an hour away that travel hurts my back badly and I have to preserve what little energy I have for her sister for Christmas and thought she would understand). She's upset and thinks "if I can tough out my back for her sister I can do it for her too"

I just can't do both so close together I need to space it out.

I appreciate she's had to make alot of sacrifices her whole life but her sister literally cannot understand, she can.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DesperateDemand8506 on 2023-12-26 13:50:46+00:00.

On Christmas Eve we took our kids to visit hubbies mom along with his sister's family. While we were there MIL passed out one gift each to the kids. The older kids got a board game and the little ones were given stuffed toys. A little bit after MILs step-children showed up with one of their grown kids and a huge dog. MIL immediately started fussing over the dog calling it grammies boy and saying how handsome it was. Then she asks hubby to grab a bag from under the tree. It was full of gifts for the dog and MIL had us all sit around while she helped the DOG open its gifts. The DOG got a total of six gifts including treats, toys, and a bandana. Looking around MILs house this dog's face has pretty much taken over. She's got it on everything including ornaments, mugs, calender, a blanket... She's got more pictures of the dog than her actual children or grandkids.

On top of that, she offered her family recipes to the daughter of her step-child right in front of us. She said she'd pass down her Christmas baked goods for her to make because she trusts her since she's such a good baker. Then started bragging to us about the things this woman has made. Hubby and his siblings grew up on these recipes. The step-kids didn't. Plus seems like she might have skipped a generation there.

When everyone was leaving she gave her actual grandkids a quick hug and love you each then fussed over the dog a bunch telling him she loved him then she hugs the step-kids daughter and says "love you so much, my sweet girl"!!!

WIBTA if I said something? It all just seems so disrespectful

ETA: The step-kids did not grow up with MIL or her family which is why we aren't close with them. They hated MIL and their bio dad until shortly before his death then suddenly formed a relationship that got them willed the house hubby grew up in to "make up for lost time". Ever since FIL passed MIL has been absolutely taken with step-kids and constantly brags about them and their families to her kids. It's hard to get a word in on any other topic. She make it clear to her kids who she likes best and now is doing the same to grandkids. It just seems very manipulative. And yes we have asked for the recipes and were told "someone" will get the honor before she dies. It's family tradition that MIL would bake a goody tin for each household every Christmas and it's always been one person to have the recipe. Apparently she intends that tradition to continue with step-grandchild and mentioned it in front of us unprompted once again letting her kids know they've fallen out of favor.

ETA2: I honestly didn't think it needed to be said but I'm not jealous of the dog. 🙄 I'm just seeing the same manipulation she uses on hubby and his siblings now directed toward my kids. If you aren't in her favor she has no use for you and let's you know it. It just seems doubly disrespectful that she's using a dog as the shining example to get grammies love. She does this constantly where she showers love on one and keeps it from another based on how much she determines they are worth to her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DefiantBoysenberry84 on 2023-12-26 13:22:35+00:00.

I (15f) live with my dad and my stepmom. They got married when I was 9 which was 2 years after my mom died. My stepmom is divorced with a 14 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. They have an almost equal amount of time with both their mom and their dad. I say almost equal because my stepmom gets every Christmas, Easter and she gets them every Sunday morning for church because she's religious and he's not.

One of the pain's about Christmas for me is that I don't get to see my maternal family until after my stepsiblings go back to their dad's on the 27th every year. This is because my dad and stepmom feel as though we should all be together for the holiday's and the "nuclear family" is more important than extended family. I also think they don't like knowing I'm having fun and getting gifts from my family and they won't include my stepsiblings.

This year one of my uncle's was home for Christmas for the first time in several years. He lives in Ireland. So they were trying to get as much time in with him as possible and I wanted to see him for Christmas Eve. I asked my dad who told me my stepsiblings would be here Christmas Eve, so no. My stepmom heard me ask and she told me I should be more concerned with time with my siblings. I argued that I don't get to see my uncle enough. My dad said his decision was final.

I ended up texting with my uncle a lot on Christmas Eve and with my whole family yesterday. My stepmom complained about it a dozen or more times. Of course that was only after my stepsister complained that I never text her when she's with her dad.

My dad and stepmom approached me before bed and told me I threw away almost two whole days with my family and especially with my siblings. They told me I should have been glad to see them for Christmas and a lot of siblings in blended families are separated for Christmas. And I spent the whole day pining for extended family. I asked them why I would want to see my stepsiblings at Christmas more than my maternal family. They told me nuclear family comes first and siblings are more important than extended. I told them my family, my maternal family, are more important to me and I would choose them every time.

They yelled at me until I went to bed and I can feel the tension already and I didn't even leave my room yet.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/tommy5346 on 2023-12-26 13:44:53+00:00.

Tl;dr: I complained about having to set up everything, because my dad never reads instructions and fails because of this, so I have to do it every time basically.

He got a endoscope tool with a magnetic tip with an app for Christmas and the instructions read as following:

1. Scan QR code(to download the right app from google play)
2. Connect USB-C
3. Start app

He downloaded the wrong app and said I should set it up, because it's not working on his phone and I overreacted a bit and said it can't be that I have to set up everything, especially when the instructions are right there in the box, one single piece of paper explaining everything. It would take him 5 minutes to do it if he followed the instructions.

Also I immediately apologized for overreacting afterwards.

Am I the asshole?

Sorry english is not my first language if some things sounded weird.

Edit: It's an endoscope intended for looking into engines and small spaces, not looking up your butt, which you could also do probably, I guess.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Sir4920 on 2023-12-26 12:32:36+00:00.

My brother (40) and his wife (43) have been trying to get pregnant for 3 years. They’ve done multiple extremely expensive IVF rounds after the ones covered by insurance didn’t pan out.

Over the years, I’ve of course been there for them, told them how sorry I was every time it didn’t work, wished them luck, sent cards and brought over flowers; everything to try and be a supportive family member.

With Christmas, my brother (he wasn’t drunk but he had definitely had some alchohol) asked me in private if I thought it was a good idea they were even trying to have kids, if they should give up, stop trying to find alternatives or wasting money etc. He was really down in the dumps.

I know my brother wants to be a father more than anything. I told him I loved him and I was sorry that it wasn’t working out, but that that was a decision only they could make, and that I understood they were using all their resources to try for kids if this is what they desperately wanted.

He kept pushing though and told me that was a generic answer you’re “supposed” to give and what my personal opinion was. When I reiterated that my opinion didn’t matter and only they could decide on this, he kept pushing, so eventually I said roughly the following (in what I hope was an appropriately sympathetic and loving tone):

“I know you really want kids and have always wanted them. You’re sad and emotionally struggling with the fact that that isn’t going as planned. I don’t think the honest answer you’re pushing for is going to be helpful to you or help you process what you’re going through. I love you very much but I think there’s a specific answer you want that I can’t give you.”

I just really didn’t want to contribute further to any pain and emotional struggles he might be going through and didn't know what to say.

Privately, I don’t think my brother and SIL should be having kids at all, but especially not genetically via natural birth the way they’ve been trying, and they refuse to consider adoption.

I also don’t think it’s my business to say that to my brother’s face when I know he desperately wants kids and his timeline/plan for them was already pushed back by almost 10 years. He's hurting and there's no reason for me to add to that.

If I thought that saying any (part) of that opinion, in an appropriate tone with the correct words and as nicely as possible, would help my brother process this complicated emotional rollercoaster, I’d talk to him about it. But I know from experience when he pushes for my “true opinion” he usually doesn’t actually want that, and that even if he did, under these circumstances (he’s had alcohol, it was Christmas, we were privately talking for a bit upstairs but had to go back downstairs to the whole family shebang at some point) it wasn’t the correct thing to do.

He’s been very unhappy with me and barely talking to me. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/nintenddogs on 2023-12-26 13:42:33+00:00.

For context we have been married for 12 years, we are in our 50s and I have never met most of his grandchildren or even some of his children as they don't visit anymore now they are older or just not very sociable. Almost every Christmas or for a gift now and then they will give him a framed photo of his grandchildren, but I never see it until he decides to place it somewhere random in the house as he is more secretive when opening presents and doesn't show us. I've found this new one which is just your average school photo day but I have never met him so I don't know him and I would rather he put it somewhere else, like in his own place like the summer house. Am I in the wrong and being mean for not wanting it in my house?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/pilgrimess on 2023-12-26 12:27:51+00:00.

I (31F) had a really, really bad cold this Christmas, I don't think I've had one like this ever since I was a kid.

Initially I was supposed to go with my husband(32M) to go visit his parents that live 5 hours away. We were supposed to leave on 23rd of dec and come back on 27.

Anyway, I realised on 22 that my cold was REALLY bad and that I couldn't leave with him. I actually asked him to stay with me instead (I didn't think it's a crime to miss Christmas at his folks for ONE year) but he insisted on going alone.

I asked him multiple times to stay, but he just got me some meds and provisions and left. I've also asked him yesterday to return a day earlier, but he once again refused.

Anyway, what really ticked me off is that I started watching a movie by myself (and he insisted that I close it and wait for him to return and watch it together--- and he also mentioned that with a tv show and another movie). It really pissed me off because I don't think he's in a position to make demands like that since he refused all my requests to not go/come back early.

I also gotta mention that my MiL and FiL hate me and actually insisted that he stays there for a few more days.

AITA? I dumno if i'm exagerrating a bit, I kinda feel that I am.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Temperature5175 on 2023-12-26 13:42:07+00:00.

I (23f) recently had a fight with my family about this.

Context: I grew up in a culture that is known for gossiping and being nasty to female family members. My great grandmother is no exeption.

When my mother was younger, she lived without her father or mother, instead she lived with her grandmother and the daughters of my grandmother. My mother would tell me endless stories of how vile it was to live in that household. She was constantly treated like trash and singled out. She lived in a rather poor country, so if her aunts (the daughters of my grandmother) would get clothes/shoes, my mother would get nothing. She had to walk on her bare feet, she had lice, wore ripped/old clothes etc. While all her aunts were well taken care of.

Being neglected was not the only thing that happened, they would constantly gossip about her to make her feel bad, to make her feel like the "ugly" and least "valuable" one of the bunch. My great grandmother would tell stories of how her daughters were pretty, succesful and would most certainly marry a valuable man, she left my always left my mother out on purpose.

The bullying and neglect got so bad that when my mother had the opportunity to move to Europe, she went immediately.

Even after she moved, the vile behaviour continued, my mother would hear secretly recorded sound files in which my great grandmother would say vile things about my mother and her children (me and my brothers). Because of this behaviour, I have seen my mother cry countless times. My great grandmother went as far as sending ME a voice message, telling me my mother is forgotten and worth less than shit (detail: she actually made her daughter send the sound file. But it was 100% on her orders as she confirmed later).

Now: a while ago me and my other familiy members were eating at the dinner table together, and my mother happily said "I got off a call with -great grandmother-, she asked me when you and your fiancé would get married".

I instantly got annoyed by this, assuming all contact was cut with great grandmother after her nasty behaviour. I responded by saying "We will get married when she is dead." Instantly I got insults thrown at me. My mother said I was heartless and needed to change, my younger brother told me i was rotten inside. The only one who sided with me was my brother, who also knows my history with our great grandmother. Their reaction angered me and I said: "Perhaps I am rotten inside, and you know what? When she dies I'll be happy too and perhaps I'll throw a party, perhaps I'll dance on her grave." I also told my mother to never tell me anything about her struggles with relatives, only to insult me when I get angry on her behalf.

Where I might be the asshole: wishing death upon one of my elders who is 85+ years old.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ratqueen4201 on 2023-12-26 13:39:03+00:00.

So for context I have two cats but my uncle has a dog and my mum has a dog aswell

So my uncle and aunt brought everyone in the family gifts that were all £50 or more and even my sister got a £50 Amazon gift card and other things form there. My partner also got a present that was expensive but no my present was them was a £10 cat toy and that’s it. Like I’m not ungrateful but it’s the principle of it everyone gets loads and lovely gifts, my grandad literally got like a £100 fishing rod and the stuff that comes with it then I get a single cat toy.

As you know both my mum and uncle/aunt have a dog but we all got the dogs presents and then them there own presents, we didn’t say the presents for the dogs were there gifts. But apparently I am ungrateful I’m not particularly happy I got a cat toy as it’s not like I will even use it and everyone else has pets and got something aswell.

I just feel a bit upset from it and it seems they don’t care at all about me in a way. But I’m getting told off for not liking it, so AITA?

Edit: I have a great relationship with them and they haven’t spent any money on me this year as I only see them a few times due to uni.

I only told my partner about it who agreed with me and then accidentally my grandma as she asked if I like it and I said I’m sure the cats will love it and then she was like don’t you like it and I said well it’s not for me and then she told me off about it .

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Inconnue-Populaire on 2023-12-26 13:38:58+00:00.

I’m French so sorry if it’s not written perfectly

Quick background: since my grandma died 16 years ago, we take turns to organise Christmas at each other's houses so the organization does not rely entirely on one person or one household

This year, it was my turn and it really went wrong. Basically, my whole family earns so much more money than I do (they are doctors, engineers, my cousin is a cardiologist, my uncle is the boss of his IT company which is doing very well, well, you get the idea, they are rich)

I am disabled, which means that I can’t work and I receive « AAH » from French government (disabled adult allowance) at its maximum amount, i.e. €900 per month. So I am below the poverty line and living on €900 (I have no other assistance) is really a big daily challenge

Obviously, my family knows it and my Christmas was therefore more modest than when we were at their house. The meal was still very nice, I cooked everything myself, from the starters to deserts to make it cheaper

During the meal I had a lot of comments from my family who implied that it wasn't fancy enough for them. I also had comments about being unable to buy presents for everyone as all my money went into the meal preparation

While my two cousins were smoking a cigarette outside, I heard one of them say that "it’s like we aren’t celebrating Christmas" because they are used to very luxurious things. My other cousin replied also “if I knew it was gonna be a poor people Christmas, I would’ve stay home” I was super sad to hear all these comments, i was saving money for few months to afford this meal

I ended up saying that if they didn't like it, they could just remove me from the list of people hosting Christmas, and that frankly, given our income differences, that seemed fair to me. They said it was not equal and unfair. So I suggested that they help me when next time or bring the fancy products like foie gras, seafood, oysters etc. and again they refused because it would be unfair for them. What do you think ? Am I an asshole to refuse to host Christmas again cause they say I’d take advantage from them if I wasn’t doing my part

Édit just so you know my menu :

• Starters : petits fours, homemade sausage rolls roasted with sesame, Christmas tree shaped petits fours with pesto, canapés with different spread flavours, smoked salmon with aneth cream
• Main dish : pork roast and also a vegetarian roast made with seitan both with a mushrooms cream filling. Served with gravy or cranberry sauce, with different purées. Also some roasted pâtissons (like an individual size tiny pumpkin, one for everyone) filled with the same mushroom and cream filling
• Desert : vanilla roll cake with mascarpone cream and caramel and some homemade chocolate mousse and my boyfriend who is American baked the traditional Christmas cookies that you guys do

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Tough-Smile-5146 on 2023-12-26 13:35:39+00:00.

I am f/50 and m/30 years and I can longer stand my husband’s farts and snores. My room smells like a nursing home. His farts constantly and he snores loudly now I’m menopausal I can stand it. I told him to go sleep in the other room and now I want him gone from our bedroom permanently it’s too much - AITA

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glad_Tonight_5122 on 2023-12-26 13:33:25+00:00.

I 41m have 4 kids 2 boys 16 and 14 from my previous marriage and 2 girls 4 and 7 from my current marriage. Last month I asked my kids what they would like and all my boys said were apple gift card new airpods and new games and remote controls for their ps5. That's it. So I got them that and they got more stocking stuff but my girls got more because they got toys and still believe in Santa. My boys were fine and happy with what they got. Well they went to their moms and she ripped into me saying I'm favoring my girls over them because my girls got more. I told her that I got what was on their list and spent the same amount equally. Now I'm starting to feel guilty because ot wasn't the same amount. So aita

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ButterscotchPastry on 2023-12-26 12:20:55+00:00.

I (15f) live one week with my dad and another with mom. They divorced 3 years ago and my mom has been dating John for a year.

John and I don’t hate each other but not close. We all live in the same town as most my dad’s side of the family so other than my music lesson I also hung out a lot with my cousins and didn’t spend a lot of time around John.

A month ago John and his daughter Trisha (11f) moved in temporarily into my house because there was a fire at theirs. My house has 2 bedrooms so Trisha has to stay in my room.

My bed is a bunk bed because I was getting a sister but my mom miscarried. Trisha and I hung out only a few times before this but I can say the same about her and John—I don’t hate her.

But she turns out to be hard to live with.

She has long hair and her hair is everywhere. She talks in her sleep and I was woken up 5 or 6 times since her stay. She also sometimes tried to speak to me when I already turned off my lamp, a sign that I was going to sleep.

I talked to my mom and she said I needed to be nicer to her since she’s been through a lot. That my issues were just minor inconveniences. That Trisha would be back at her own home soon (in late January).

I talked to my dad and he said I could just move in with him until Trisha leaves.

I then packed my bags and told my mom I’ll be staying at dad’s. She blew up at me, saying what a spoiled brat I am and that I’m making John and Trisha feel horrible for imposing. I just left. It’s been a week now and my mom never reached out to me. She dropped my Christmas presents at my grandma’s because my dad and I would celebrate Christmas there.

I don’t think my mom can get the law involved because I’m 15 and I just have to tell them the living situation and they should understand. Besides, it’s only till I can have my room back again. Still, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ButterscotchPastry on 2023-12-26 12:20:55+00:00.

I (15f) live one week with my dad and another with mom. They divorced 3 years ago and my mom has been dating John for a year.

John and I don’t hate each other but not close. We all live in the same town as most my dad’s side of the family so other than my music lesson I also hung out a lot with my cousins and didn’t spend a lot of time around John.

A month ago John and his daughter Trisha (11f) moved in temporarily into my house because there was a fire at theirs. My house has 2 bedrooms so Trisha has to stay in my room.

My bed is a bunk bed because I was getting a sister but my mom miscarried. Trisha and I hung out only a few times before this but I can say the same about her and John—I don’t hate her.

But she turns out to be hard to live with.

She has long hair and her hair is everywhere. She talks in her sleep and I was woken up 5 or 6 times since her stay. She also sometimes tried to speak to me when I already turned off my lamp, a sign that I was going to sleep.

I talked to my mom and she said I needed to be nicer to her since she’s been through a lot. That my issues were just minor inconveniences. That Trisha would be back at her own home soon (in late January).

I talked to my dad and he said I could just move in with him until Trisha leaves.

I then packed my bags and told my mom I’ll be staying at dad’s. She blew up at me, saying what a spoiled brat I am and that I’m making John and Trisha feel horrible for imposing. I just left. It’s been a week now and my mom never reached out to me. She dropped my Christmas presents at my grandma’s because my dad and I would celebrate Christmas there.

I don’t think my mom can get the law involved because I’m 15 and I just have to tell them the living situation and they should understand. Besides, it’s only till I can have my room back again. Still, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/leafytick on 2023-12-26 12:11:43+00:00.

I (F23) am last year university student in very bad relationship with my depressed homophobic mom (F55), I came home for the holidays and ever since she will not let me rest because she wants me to do a physics presentation and write all of her reports and analys charts (she is a teacher).

Next month I have university exams and I have so much work - 10 exams plus four research papers. I spent the whole day studying and in the evening I want eat, shower and have a walk, but my mom always insists I do her presentations (she sends me coupons for food so I must earn them as I do her job) , I offered she write her material and I do the design but she insists I do everything (I have in the past). The holiday is awful, she won't talk to me outside of scolding me, she takes too much pills, refuses to do anything all day, and sleeps too much.

She goes to bed at 9Pm wakes up at 9:00am, at 10:00am she sleeps again until 5 pm - it's not even the meds anymore because she refuses to sleep in her damn bed. She sleep in mine. Dad sleeps alone and every time I'm home she sleeps with me in the bed, touches me in my sleep and I always wake up. Also she is texting with some scam facebook groups that will make me straight and able to have children (I can't due to an accident my mother caused btw).

So she sleeps in my bed and i'm on the desk working and her snoring is so loud. I slightly tapped her and asked her to sleep in her own bedroom and she screamed at me "When I die I won't bother you anymore" and fell asleep again. After much screaming I studied in the kitchen, she woke up a while ago and as I was studying she snatched my headphones saying "You have physics presentation to do" with "You want to see your mom jumping off the building" and I said "Do a backflip".

This made her cry and now my whole family says I would have excused her because of her crippling depression, but depression doesn't mean being an ass.

Aita?

Edit typos

Edit 2 - on christmas she refused to celebrate although I wanted to so I asked her to have some time on my own to look at the lights and read a book. She interrupted my peaceful time showing me agencies where she wants to be cremated after she dies because "I will die because you are a gay daughter and I hope you live with it forever"