Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway1118818 on 2024-01-17 17:46:13+00:00.

Husband and I met in college. Before that he dated “Millie” from ages 14-17. When I first met his family, they all seemed to be in awe of me and it was quite awkward so he explained that his family (and most people in his life prior to college) believed him and Millie would be together forever. I was uncomfortable but he assured me that he “loves me and only me”. We had a few fights over things his friends said but ultimately it was clear that we were being dumb.

I didn’t have any problems related to Millie for several years. Everyone seemed to have moved on.

Husband and I now have 3 kids. My middle son (6) is in the same grade as Millie’s son. They are in different classes and I only found out about this after my MIL passively mentioned it.

The moms in my son’s class created a groupchat. A couple days ago Millie contacted me and asked if I could add her into this groupchat and said that she and her son are having trouble connecting with the other moms/kids and it would be a huge help. I was a bit confused as to why she was asking me for permission, and how she got my number but I quickly realized that the other moms probably told her and out of consideration for me wanted her to ask me? I’m not sure. Most of these women grew up with Millie so they know “everything.”

I told her that I can’t really stop anyone if they wanted to add her but I’d rather she not join. Besides, it’s a class groupchat and her son isn’t in it.

She got upset and asked if I’m only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah. She then said I’m being sensitive and petty. I told her that I’m uncomfortable. She said not everything is about me and I’m being selfish. I made a sarcastic comment about protecting my peace before firmly telling her she won’t change my mind and that neither she or her son are my responsibility. Millie got even angrier and said that I’m the only person still hung up over their relationship and that I need to grow up and stop being so insecure. She also accused me of being elitist?

She’s still at it and will tell anyone that’ll listen about how I’m being selfish and how I’m so hung up over the past. My husband thinks we’re all being ridiculous. He was joking when he said that but idk. One of the moms in the groupchat privately asked me about the whole thing and she just said “hmm” so I really don’t know, but they said they weren’t going to add her unless I “gave my permission.” AITA?

Edit:

I understand that I’m the asshole. I do feel a little crazy but I can’t deny that I’m not uncomfortable no matter all the “you do realize he married you” comments. I’ll still let the other moms know that they can add her and not to let me stop them as I’m being a little silly.

You can tell me that I did wrong without making assumptions and wishing things on me and my kids. Regardless, I appreciate the advice and plan on learning from this.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sherkhanzai-aisha on 2024-01-18 04:09:58+00:00.

English is not my first language, so please excuse me.

For some context, I don’t live in America but my aunt and father’s side of the family does. I’m also a huge jewelry person and I’ve always had the most gold and silver and jewelry in the family, I’ve been like this since I was a child. Three years ago, my grandfather passed away and hell broke loose.

My eldest uncle was manipulating my father and other uncle that my grandfather was hiding four million dollars in his room, my bipolar father ended up fighting with everybody and hurting my aunt. In this room was my aunt’s jewelry (worth about ~$20k now) from her ex fiance from over 30 years ago and she couldn’t even bare to look at it. She said to my mother, take the jewelry before my oldest uncle takes it and sells it. She told my mother that if anything happen to her everything (including the jewelry) belongs to me. My mother said ok, and we went back to where we are living after 3 month of staying in America. We kept the jewelry at home in my mother’s room.

Now, my father’s family household is still in pieces, and I thought my aunt was doing better. I mistakenly decided to wear one of her gold and emerald rings one day for my friend’s party. My aunt texted my mother later that day while I was eating ice cream with her and my mother took a picture of me holding my ice cream cone up and eating it, my hand and finger in the picture. Another mistake.

My aunt was unbelievably angry at this, and said, why is she wearing my ring i don’t give her permission, and blew up my mother’s phone. My mother was offended by this and asking her why she made her take the jewelry if she didn’t want me wearing it. My aunt started freaking out and called my mom, yelling. I was very hurt by this because I love my aunt a lot and she always claimed to love me the most, but this is how angry she gets over jewelry she has not worn in 30 years which she entrusted to my mother and I. It’s been three years and she still text my mother everyday paranoid about the safety of her jewelry.

I feel very guilty because I didn’t ask my aunt about it before but I feel she is acting as if she saw me selling her 22k necklaces, bangles, jhumka , maang tikka, rings, and earrings sets on ebay. All I did was wear one ring.

Edit: please allow me to apologize for any misunderstand for my english skills. I also wanted to add that my aunt’s main gifts for me over the years has been her jewelry from her personal collection. After my mother talked to her calmly on the phone, my aunt calmed down and said, it’s ok I can wear it. I called her after that and she said again it’s ok but I apologized but I still feel she is mad.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/UnknownCrab1 on 2024-01-18 00:24:24+00:00.

(All names have been changed and this is a throw away account for privacy reasons.)

I (M60) don't say I love you to my (F14) stepdaughter, Alice. I met her mother when she was 4 and her mother was 34. She doesn't have any connections to her biological dad because he was an alcoholic and a drug addict. So I've raised Alice ever since.

When she was a child she could always go to her mom first and say I love you and goodnight and then she would come to me and do the same. When Alice was a child I would say I love you but when she turned 12 I stopped. This is about how it goes now when she says goodnight.

Alice : Goodnight [my name] I love you

Me : Night Ali

Alice : *frowns and walks away*

She looks hurt when she doesn't hear me say I love you back. My wife (44), Sally, has started to notice this. She doesn't always say anything but when she sees Alice's frown she turns to me and gives me a death stare.

Me and Sally get along well with only the occasional fight but she started calling me an asshole when we get to bed. It doesnt turn into a fight but just a short bicker. I just feel like because Alice is 14 it's different because she's not my biological daughter. I feel torn on this because on 1 hand she's not my real daughter like my other 3 kids but I did raise her and she sees me as her father. What do I do? Do I stand my ground with my wife or start saying I love you?

TLDR: I don't say I love you to my 14-year-old daughter because she is too old for that.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fart_Dog_8670 on 2024-01-17 23:51:39+00:00.

Last year I did a two week exchange trip to Germany but went to France, Italy and Switzerland and literally everything was better than I’ve had in my life in the US. From the small things like things being closed on Sunday’s so workers weren’t exploited to huge things like medical care and lack of f@cism and r@cism.

I think people should know about this so I’ve been talking about it. I guess like on the same day my mom told me that I’m being annoying and my lit skills teacher told me that I wasn’t there long enough to make a comparison. I asked her what the fuck she would know about it and she said she lived in Germany for two years wifh her husband. My friend told me to calm down and then said even she was getting sick of me.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoPhysics7859 on 2024-01-17 22:40:12+00:00.

I (f18) uninvited my best friend, Cara, from my wedding. I had 5 bridesmaids, my sisters Lila & Kaitlin, my SIL Bonnie, and my best friends Cara & Caroline. 19, 13,19, 18, & 17 (in that order) This happened in May of 2023, I keep thinking about it and maybe I am.

They all helped plan something they thought I'd like for my bachelorette party, Cara and Caroline took on more of the financials as they had jobs to do so. I asked if I could help with money and they said no. I was so excited and wanted to do something in return, so I made thank you baskets and wrote a letter for each girl.

Well, the original place they picked had fallen through so 2 days before the trip, it was changed. This trip was planned to be 3 days long at an air bnb at the beach. This beach known for being dangerous and a big party scene. Cara told my mom about the change and my mom didn't think that was such a great idea, keeping my little sister in mind as I was to be responsible for her. Mom said she would pay Cara back and she could set us up on a different beach that was safer. Cara didn't like this and said she spent her money on it and wanted it be there.

There was a massive fight mostly about me not feeling safe going there and them bringing alcohol with Cara being the most out of pocket. Even my mom was dragged into it. They said they were all upset because I "shit on everything they planned" and never said thank you (before we even went on the trip) In a separate group chat, they talked about going and uninviting my little sister because she "ruined the fun". When I said this was unfair to her and she would be there as she is apart of the bridal party they then talked about going and uninviting us both.

After 2 days of fighting and multiple panic attacks, I gave in and went with the stipulation of no alcohol, my dad would stay near by, and they were all to apologize to my mom and sister.

During the trip there was no plan, they did decorate which was nice, but we were all just rolling with the punches. Cara made a lot of it about her, basically what Cara said, went. I thought Cara was my best friend but I saw a different side of her. She never apologized, she really didn't even talk to me the whole trip.

A few days before the wedding, I texted to ask if her sister was finished making something for the wedding. She asked if we were okay and I told her we weren't and I was still hurt. We got into another big argument, she was mad I was okay with everyone else, but they apologized. She absolutely refused to apologize to me, my mom or sister. That's all I wanted and I would be okay. Then she said that I was using her so her sister would make something for me. After more arguing, I told her she shouldn't show up for the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. I do feel bad that she put time and money into this and It was shitty of me to be mad at her and still want something from her sister.

edit: people are missing the point of the post, i’m not asking if i’m too young to be married.

But, AITA for uninviting my best friend to my wedding?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Desperate-Tea6452 on 2024-01-17 21:21:04+00:00.

AITA for reacting badly when i heard my bf refer to me as “someone”. I got us a table at a cafe and he was on his way. When he got to the hostess he was on call with me. I heard him say “someone is waiting inside” to the hostess at the restaurant. This has happened before. Where he called me his friend. I reacted to it very negatively as we have been together for 4 years and I did not expect this from me.

UPDATE: I want to make sure I convey this. We have had this particular conversation about calling me his friend 2 times in the past where I have specifically mentioned that I hold a position in life as a partner and to all the older people he absolutely loves calling me his Girlfriend but idk if its me noticing this but the other two times he has called me a friend or someone has been in front of women of our age. Again I might the AH but is it not right if we have had this conversation I should at least get the affirmation for that?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Frosting_430 on 2024-01-17 20:42:12+00:00.

I(NB) have two people in my friend group J(M17) and T(F18) that have been doing extremely creepy shit. There's a guy C that they have been stalking/boarder line stalking. They've taken pictures of him in classes, prep rallies, in the hallway, during pe, basically anywhere they can get away with it. They've also play it off by saying that it's like a crush on a boyband member. I don't think C knows even who they are. This has been going on for months now. After I finally figured out who this guy is I basically told them if they don't knock it off I was going to go to the teachers as well as the guy himself. At first I was just going to go to the counselor but I didn't/still don't know the guys last name. My friends who are in that group yelled at me for threatening my friends for just a silly little crush. I don't think I'm in the wrong but I'm not sure since about six other people are mad at me now.

Slight edit: I'm not T's or J's friend we just hang out with the same group of people. I thought I should clarify.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/littlemissmoxie on 2024-01-17 20:35:23+00:00.

This happened during Christmas but the effects are really starting to come out only now. I am going to keep some details vague because I don’t need it traced back to me IRL easily.

So I’ve known my friend for around 5 years and we are pretty similar in terms of likes. Im a pretty big gift giver because I love shopping for others. I don’t get expensive stuff necessarily but mostly things that people don’t normally get themselves because it’s not practical but is fun!

Anyway so this year my best friend (Sam) got an SO (Nicky) Since they are a pretty new couple Nicky only got her a sweater. Think something from Target. Sam of course loved it but it was apparent to everyone when they opened my gift (a cute hat from their fave fandom styled after their fav character) their reaction was bigger.

Nicky looked upset and didn’t say anything much to anyone for the rest of our Christmas celebration.

Weeks later Nicky hasn’t greeted me at all and Sam is reluctant to talk about but did confirm that it was about the gift. Apparently they felt like I outshined them since I spent more and did something more significant to their likes than them.

I wanna say that it’s silly and that of course since I’m Sam’s best friend I’d probably know a better gift than someone new. But my own SO thinks I’m being insensitive with my attitude and I maybe should tone it down with future gifts.

So am I TA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ShowerNo127 on 2024-01-17 20:25:26+00:00.

ETA: apparently it's called maternity clothes, not "mommy clothes" in English. I apologize, I meant maternity clothes.

By modest I mean clothes that are appropriate to her size? I thought that was the correct word?

I'm Argentinian, not from US

My (f45) daughter (f19) is pregnant. She was in college but got pregnant and now she's living at home with me again.

She's nearing her fifth month now. So the problem we had is that her breasts are very obviously growing. She was a cup c (sometimes b) before, now her biggest bras are starting to feel too tight on her. Well, I recommended her to buy some new bras and she got some d cup that somewhat fit her (some are a little bigger but we'd figure that was better so she wasn't as uncomfortable, plus her breasts will probably keep growing a little more)

Well, the thing is that she changed her bra size, but she's still wearing her same old shirts. Some of them are fine, but some of them show too much. Sometimes she wears tank tops or shirts that have all of her cleavage uncovered. And I mean, that's fine when we're home since it's only us, but she wears them out sometimes.

So I advised her to wear her more modest shirts and I told her we could buy some extra more "mommy style" shirts, not only because her normal shirts will get ruined if she continues to wear them (too stretched) but also because she's a grown up woman now and needs to dress more accordingly.

She told me off, said she'll dress up however she wants and to stop trying to tell her what to do all the time. I told her I was trying to help her mature because she'll need it soon, she can't dress up like she's going to a party everyday, especially not now that she's about to be a mother.

Well she told me to stop "bitching", said it's hot and she wants to wear the clothes she likes, not dressing like an old lady. I asked her if she thought this was a game? Because she doesn't seem to maturing at all, she told me that I'm always telling her what to do and she's sick of it, so I told her that if she's sick she could easily leave and be responsible for her actions.

Well, we're both angry now. I told her that I'm helping her out of the kindness of my heart, so she should listen to what I'm saying or leave. She went crying to her father and he called me telling me off too and saying I should let her be and dress up however she wants. Am I an asshole for this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Deep-Table8665 on 2024-01-17 19:44:03+00:00.

My wife (early 30s F) loves to travel. I (early 30s M) do not. I don’t hate it but I find it stressful and flying makes me incredibly anxious. My wife, on the other hand, has traveled all over the place, lived in multiple countries, and is always planning the next big adventure.

This really hasn’t been an issue for us. I do travel with my wife probably once or twice a year, usually staying a little closer to home. Otherwise, she travels with her family or friends. She always invites me on these other trips but I rarely go. While I miss having her around, it’s a good arrangement. She gets to do something she loves and I get some alone time to unwind at home. She’ll send pictures, we FaceTime, and she usually brings me back some cool souvenirs.

All of this to say, there’s one trip she takes every year and I’m starting to get uncomfortable about it. She goes, by herself, to the same place every year and it’s non-negotiable. When she’s there, I hear from her way less than any other trip. She’ll send pics and we FaceTime but less often. When she gets back, she’ll give me snippets of information but I don’t get a full day-by-day run-down.

This trip predates me - she first went to this place in college and has been back basically every year since. She’s told me several times how much this place means to her. But my problems are as follows:

1. The trip is non-negotiable. She’s had lots of trips change, get cancelled, or not materialize but never this one.
2. I’m not invited.
3. It feels secretive, like she doesn’t want to share it.
4. This place isn’t not exactly a tourist hotspot. It’s not what you would think of as a vacation destination and there aren’t a lot of sites to see - even according to my wife. So why the need to go back 10+ years in a row if there’s not that much to do?

I’ve brought it up to my wife but she can’t see where I’m coming from. The issue being that we have the money, we have the time off work, and we still have a great relationship outside of this. I even asked if I could accompany her some time but she accused me (probably correctly) of only wanting to go to keep tabs on her because I, under any other circumstances, would have no interest in going to this place so, according to her, it’s either my “insecurity or ego” that’s trying to keep her from her passion.

I get where she’s coming from but it also seems crazy to me to be deliberately unwilling to include keep your spouse in something like this.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BrilliantResource427 on 2024-01-17 19:31:13+00:00.

Please DO NOT be rude!!! I am very angry at my dad and a bit ashamed for writing this.

The other day my dad and I were sitting in the couch watching TV. My dad sprawled out in the couch. I was sitting on his legs and I had a cup of orange juice in my hand. As I bent over to set it down, I accidentally farted on my dad’s legs and it was loud. He yelled at me calling me names basically telling me that I farted on him on purpose and that I should have excused myself to the bathroom. I told him that I farted on accident and that I had no control over it. He then told me that it was very disrespectful for me to fart loudly in front of him. I explained that the fart didn’t smell it was just loud and that I can’t control if it’s going to be loud or not. I am not sure what to do as my dad hasn’t talked to me since the whole incident yesterday. I have tried to call him at work but he completely ignores my phone calls. He even told my mom not to talk to me. I even tried texting my dad apologizing to him but he ignored it. I’m very depressed and upset and I don’t know what to do.

So people of Reddit AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/moms-gonna-kill-me on 2024-01-17 19:23:11+00:00.

I (26F) am a white American engaged to an Indian man (32M). I met my fiancé two years ago, and we started dating privately, as I wanted to protect him from my family. My dad (66M) is a sporty and loving guy whom I've always had a close relationship with. On the other hand, my mother (50F) and I have always had a turbulent relationship: I've always felt her pressure me to achieve academic success. I also related closely to the 'almond mom' stereotype – all my life she has insisted I try different diets, which pushed us apart. I moved out of the house at 19, and we got along a bit better for a while.

However, when I was 21 years old, she started to nag about grandchildren. She has explicitly described her dream about my future family. Around that time I also realized how racist she is. Clearly her vision for her son-in-law is a blue-eyed Aryan or something like that. Only men with paper-like skin color seem to be good enough for continuing her bloodline! This is why I wanted to keep my fiancé a secret.

Recently my mother started to send me lists of "adorable" baby names, reminding me of the fact that I'm not enough for her. Understandably, my fiancé wasn't pleased that I couldn't introduce him to my family, as he had done with his. I tried to explain that my mother wouldn't approve of him because of his skin color, but he insisted we'd go for at least a small visit. After weeks of fighting, I finally gave in and decided to go see my parents at a restaurant.

We met them yesterday. As soon as my mother laid eyes on my fiancé, she visibly tensed up. She was not prepared to see a brown man, as I had only mentioned his American-sounding name earlier. During dinner, she was blabbering nonsense about stuff she doesn't normally talk about and looked uncomfortable. She ordered only an appetizer for herself, and just poked it while staring at her napkin. The irritation of all those years started to build up inside me, as I watched her efficiently ignore my fiancé and talk about the weather for the whole dinner. I thought to myself disdainfully, "why isn't she asking about the grandchildren"? So, in the heat of the moment, I burst out with "We're pregnant". She just sat in silence for a long time and looked at me. Finally, my dad stood up and basically dragged her out, saying they'd better get going. Upon leaving, he whispered "congratulations".

After they left, my fiancé looked bewildered and asked what I was talking about. In actuality, I'm not pregnant and wasn't planning on getting in the near future. He was furious that I'd lied to him and my parents, although I tried to explain all the racism, microaggressions and other things from my childhood that made me blow up like that. He replied saying that he didn't notice any of that during the dinner and said that I can't define racism for him. To me, my mom's behaviour was clearly caused by my fiancé's looks, but he can't understand this. After that, we haven't talked.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SCP_Blondie on 2024-01-17 19:17:10+00:00.

My husband and I recently started staying in our in house (had been waiting on renovations). Our guinea pigs are still with my uusband parents due to last bits of construction still happening. Last night we got a call from my MIL that one of our gui ea pigs had died. We went over there to wrap up the body and try to figure out what happened since he was not sick and had been acting just fine. My husband and I were talking about it may having been a stroke or heart attack.

At this point my MIL comes in the room and asks what we thought happened. I told her since my husband was very upset and not wanting to speak. She then started saying maybe it was my husband's fault since he hadn't checked on them that day (he had dialysis while I was at work and was feeling terrible).

I immediately told her that it was no one's fault, there's nothing anyone could have done, and not to ever say that to him again. I was calm and made sure not to yell because it was her house. This is when she started screaming at me, calling me a bitch, and telling me to get the fuck out of her house. Mind you, I was still wrapping up the guinea pig's body.

This is where I may be the Asshole.

After she started screaming at and cursing at me, I called her a whore and yelled at her to walk away. She finally did after continuing to scream at me for a minute. After she left, I made sure my husband knew it was not his fault and that she should not have spoken to him like that.

My MIL has never liked me and this would be the least of the things she's ever said to me. That being said, I've only ever cursed back at her one other time. She has always treated my husband like this, and he was taught he was supposed to just take it and not defend himself.

I, on the other hand, had to fight off my drug addict parents my whole life. This does not mesh well with my in-laws' ideals of a woman being seen and not heard. They believe I should have kept my mouth shut and let him take care of it if he chose to. I think that's utter bullshit. Just as it is his job to stand up for me, it is my job to stand up for him, especially when he is un a vulnerable state.

I do not think I was wrong to stand up for him, but I may have been wrong to call her a whore. The few coworkers I shared this with and one friend think I went too far with that comment, some of them saying I shouldn't have said anything at all.

Am I the Asshole?

Edit - I'm not completely sure why everyone seems to think this story is fake? What kind of evidence do you need to believe me? If you look in my post history, you'll see me posting about these guinea pugs in other sub reddit. You'll see another post I made about my MIL being horrible.

What do you want? Pictures of my dead beloved pet? Screenshots of me telling friends that my pet died? Screenshots of me getting advice about all this from my best friend? How about the call log of me calling my vet today to let them know my guinea pig had died and ask if they had any ideas of what could have happened?

I posted for advice on a bad situation I'm in so that I could get help sorting it out. Telling me my post is fake isn't helping my situation. Even if you think it's fake, why don't you humor me so I can at least figure out if I was wrong or not?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HoneycombHips on 2024-01-17 17:19:01+00:00.

I (30F) come from a close-knit family, but lately, tensions have been running high, leading to conflicts that I never thought I'd have to navigate. My parents, siblings, and I used to be the picture-perfect family, but as we've all grown older, differences in opinions and lifestyles have started to surface.

The breaking point came during a family gathering where discussions turned into heated arguments. My parents, who are more traditional, expressed disapproval of my career choices and the fact that I'm not following the path they envisioned for me. This led to a clash of values and a barrage of hurtful comments.

Trying to maintain peace, I've attempted to have calm conversations with my family about understanding and respecting each other's choices. However, my attempts have been met with resistance, and the conflicts persist.

In one particularly tense encounter, I decided to stand my ground and express my feelings openly. I calmly explained that while I value their opinions, I also need them to respect my decisions and support my journey. This, unfortunately, triggered more arguments, with accusations flying from all sides.

Now, I find myself caught in the middle of a family torn by conflicts. Some relatives believe I should have kept my opinions to myself to avoid further drama, while others support my decision to stand up for myself.

AITA for standing up against family conflicts, or should I have continued trying to keep the peace by suppressing my feelings and opinions?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Comfortable-City-190 on 2024-01-17 16:40:31+00:00.

Some background - my ex had been fighting for custody since 2020 and is still going. He finally managed to get my older son living with him and because the courts kept my younger son with me we now only see the other child every other weekend so the boys can spend weekends together. I filed for child support but because we make around the same, it was set at 0 with us splitting medical costs and him covering insurance.

So before when both kids lived with me primarily I paid for everything for them - medical, extracurriculars, etc. my ex paid my rent and phone bill and paid for stuff for the kids separate from me. He however decided he didn’t owe any support anymore when the custody became 50/50 even though its his job as a father to support his family.

Now that my older son is with him he constantly hounds me for money that I can’t afford because I work part time now and have a baby with my new partner to take care of. I also pay for my younger son (clothes, food, haircuts, school supplies, doctors visits) and never ask him for anything for him. He feels that because he still pays on his own decision for clothing and shoes for my younger son that I am a “deadbeat” for not providing for my older son (I do still pay for half my older son’s braces which is like 100/month and for birthday/xmas gifts and got him a backpack for school).

Some things my ex keeps asking for:

• half of my son’s contact lens fees
• half of copays for medical procedures
• money for his extracurriculars which are OPTIONAL and cost way too much
• half of school field trip fees

I keep telling him I don’t have the money and now he is heavily implying I don’t care about my older son and that my older son is way more expensive than my younger son so me not contributing to his expenses is basically “deadbeat” status. The most hurtful thing he has said is that my kids stepmom provides more for my older son than I do because I won’t “step up” which is terrible and unfair because she makes way more money as it is.

So am I wrong for refusing?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SnooCheesecakes93 on 2024-01-17 15:56:32+00:00.

First some background info. I live on the ground floor of an apartment building and I have a medium sized dog (dogs are allowed). I live on the second furthest suite to the end.

So last night I took my dog out for her last potty break before bed, maybe 11pm. When I take her out I walk up and down the area in front of the patios. So we walk about 3 units down, she gets some zoomies and just bolts back and forth for a couple minutes and I just stand and watch her while taking a hit off my (nicotine)vape. For reference each patio has a window to the left of it and then a big empty space before the next patio, I am standing 3ft left of that window with my back to it.

After said zoomies. She goes into the empty space between patios and has a pee. We walk back to my patio and go inside. Not long after I got a note under my door that said "please stop smoking, pooping, and peaking. It is illegal to smoke within 15ft of the building." I was confused and irritated because it wasn't like I was smoking a cigarette and leaving the butts on the ground, its winter here and -20⁰C so all windows are closed, and I always pick up my dogs poop so there is none there and she didnt even poop that time. I'm not even sure how they got the idea I was peaking.

I should note that a few days ago I was standing in a similar spot when someone randomly knocked on the window from inside. My back was too the window and when I turned they just waved at me? I waved back not quite sure why they waved.

So reddit am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Remarkable-Reach8x6 on 2024-01-17 13:49:01+00:00.

I(F18) have this cousin(F20) let's call her Anna.

A few weeks ago Anna invited me and the rest of our cousins to a restaurant. It was really good and surprisingly cheap so that day we decided to go there together once a week. This worked for us for a while but one day Anna told us that she won't be able to join us this time because she has to study.

That day we went without her and while we were there we met a group of friends who were really cool. We talked and got along really well. This was by far the best day we had at that restaurant so we decided to meet them there every week.

My cousins and I decided not to tell Anna because she is a loner and doesn't get along with strangers also they weren't interested in meeting Anna and Anna is very dramatic so we knew if we told her we want to go there without her she would be all dramatic.

To be clear we still wanted to go there with Anna at least once a month.

Well Anna kept asking in the group chat about what time we want to go to the restaurant etc and no one really answered her. She said "well I guess we are not going then" so we assumed she won't be coming.

Instead she showed up at the restaurant and saw us with our new friends and got all angry and hysterical screaming at us and calling us names.

I tried to calm her down but she kept calling me a fcking c word and I finally got mad and told her that she is not the center of universe and we are allowed to have other friends.

She called me a bunch of other names and left

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mother-Foot1221 on 2024-01-17 13:18:07+00:00.

My partner (M26) & I (F23) have been together for 8 years. Around 3 years into our relationship he became convinced that he has something wrong with his throat. Every morning he wakes up and has to take a shower to “clear out his throat”. This consists of him coughing as hard as he can, hacking, spitting, etc for at the very least 15 minutes but can go upwards of 30 minutes. He does this every single morning between 5-6:30 am. I’ve pushed him many times to try and get a family doctor, but he’s “always too busy”. I’ve contacted doctor offices to ask if they were taking patients and tried to do it on his behalf, but I couldn’t. At one point, he thought the issue was his teeth, so I contacted a dentist for him, I was able to create a file on his behalf, got him an appointment, he went one time, but has refused to contact or go back since. We have 2 children (3 & 5 months), so at the point I pretty much have given up trying to get him help. I’m worn thin between trying to take care of myself & our children, (one having to be monitored for scoliosis, me having a laundry list of my own problems I’m seeing a psychiatrist for)

This has been our problem lately. We have one bathroom, and that bathroom is smack dab in the middle between our 2 bedrooms. It wakes us up every single time. I’ve asked him to wait until we’re all awake to do that, which we normally wake up at 7:30. But in his words, he doesn’t think it’s fair for him to have to sit around in pain until it’s convenient for me. I’ve tried explaining my point of view, we’re tired, I exclusively breastfeed our baby & have to wake up throughout the night to feed so it’s exhausting being woken up every day as early as 5 am because all you hear is coughing that’s echoing in your small bathroom. I’ve tried alternate solutions so that everyone is happy, like putting rolled towels under the door to block noise, sleeping in the downstairs living room. But there’s literally no way to escape the sound. I honestly consider it sound torture. This morning, we were all woken up again at 6 am and I got annoyed. I made a comment to him saying “thanks for waking us up again” He thinks I’m the asshole because I’m not being considerate of him or his pain. I think he’s the asshole because he refuses to get himself help and continued to make us suffer for it.

Am I the asshole for wanting my partner to wait until our children & I are awake to cough?

Edited to add: he has seen an ENT doctor, the doctor said he didn’t see anything wrong besides his throat being red & irritated. He suggested for him to stop smoking, which he still does.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by [deleted] on 2024-01-17 12:54:31+00:00.

For context, I (36M) am currently in my second year of law school in the UK. I just recently finished up exams, so for the past few weeks, I have obviously been working my arse off and was under quite a lot of stress.

I’m living at my brother (42M) and his wife’s (41F) house, with their 4 year old daughter (we’ll call her Emily). My brother and his wife both work full time jobs, so it can be a struggle for them to find time in the day to spend with Emily. Up until November, they’d had a full-time nanny/caretaker for her, but the caretaker recently had a child herself, and is currently on some sort of maternity-leave.

My brother decided to reach out to our cousin (17F. We’ll call her Hannah), who lives in America— to see if she would be interested in coming to nanny Emily for the next few months, and in exchange for this she would be given free food, a room to sleep in, and get to experience life in a different country. She agreed, and has now been living here caring for Emily since the end of November.

Hannah is very mature for her age, and when I have free time, we often cook, talk, and spend time together. We’ve grown quite close. Recently however, Hannah has not been as talkative and outgoing when speaking to me. Rather than spending her free time hanging out with me like she usually does, she’s been locking herself in her room more, and withdrawing herself from everyone.

I finally confronted her a few days ago and asked her if something was wrong, to which she only said that she was tired? I didn’t really believe her, so I continued to keep asking her for the next few days. Yesterday though, she changed her answer about being “tired” and told me that she’s been feeling stressed recently. I asked her why she was stressed, as her schedule is easy (just feeding and spending time with Emily), so she doesn’t have any reason to feel stressed. She couldn’t give me a straight answer though, and just kept saying that she didn’t know why she was feeling so stressed, which literally makes no sense?? She even said that she “couldn’t fall asleep” anymore because she was constantly feeling anxious.

I told her that she’s obviously never felt real stress then, and that she needs to grow up. She’s obviously never experienced ACTUAL anxiety, and I told her that if she wants to experience it, then she should try attending law school and it would humble her real quickly.

Today, Hannah’s mum called me and told me that Hannah had called her last night, distraught, and is now begging to go home to America. She accused me of bullying her daughter, and said that what I had told Hannah yesterday was too far, which is fucking ridiculous. She’s mad that I told Hannah that she has no reason to be stressed?

Hannah is flying back to the states in a few days now, and my brother is upset with me because he has to hire a nanny now. Frankly, I don’t see how what I said was too far, and it’s upsetting to me that everyone is turning against me for something so minuscule. AITA???

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoFarmer191 on 2024-01-17 11:49:17+00:00.

I 17f have a friend 17m. We had our mock exam for history yesterday. He missed the last week of school before Christmas and I told him our teacher told us the mock would be based on the Teddy Roosevelt past paper (all mocks are past papers and our topic is presidents of the last 100 years.) when we obviously weren’t told which past paper it would be.

So he’s mad at me because he put a bunch of extra effort into revising Teddy. But here’s the thing, you need to revise all the presidents no matter the topic of the exam otherwise you’re going to fail.

For example if the question is “was Reagan the most successful at delivering what he promised of all the presidents of the 20th century” (the question we got, well that wasn’t exactly how it was worded can’t remember it but something like that) you need to list all the presidents and all the promises and achievements and compare them to Reagan. If you just talk about Reagan the whole time you get a U.

So really my prank had 0 impact on how he did and he was mad for nothing.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/krazykrejza on 2024-01-17 11:41:21+00:00.

My (30m) girlfriend (34f) is irrationally afraid of cats and refuses to let me get one.

Her fear is not just a general dislike, but she has physical reactions to them. When they walk in her direction, she physically jolts. When they are walking around the house, she focuses on them the entire time to make sure they don't go near her.

I love cats and want to get one. She has known about this since early in our relationship. The most my girlfriend will compromise is she said the cat has to be restricted to one room or a balcony. To me this is inhumane and unreasonable.

My view is that my girlfriend's fear of cats is irrational and she needs to confront it and work on it. I'm not saying she has to like them, but her fear is extreme and irrational and she needs to get to the point where she can go about her day without being terrified of them.

I'm going to get a cat anyway and ask her to work on her fear. AITA?

She has no cat allergy and no traumatic experiences with cats in the past.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Elegant-Subject6445 on 2024-01-17 10:40:00+00:00.

I 18m have a friend 17m. He’s Bi, we were at his house with some other friends just pre drinking in his kitchen before going out.

We’re all talking about whether he or this girl that was there gets with the most people when we’re out (this wasn’t like a competition he was really embarrassed lol)

While we’re having a conversation his dad walks in the kitchen to get something and I carry on the conversation as normal just jokingly saying you are kind of a slut tho like I always see you going with some boy at some point. And i talked about how it’s weird because he doesn’t seem like that type of person usually until you see it.

His dad walks out of the room and my friend had a real go at me for embarrassing him like he was proper pissed. But his dad is so chill like he literally buys him weed, well buys for himself and let’s him take a bit but my parents would actually execute me for buying it myself.

He even agreed his dad wasn’t going to judge him for what I said but it’s just embarrassing. And imo you can’t get too mad at a little embarrassment that’s normal.

Like if I didn’t know his dad I obviously wouldn’t have done it but because I know that he’s okay I thought it was fine

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA-LadyPasta on 2024-01-17 10:12:34+00:00.

Bear with me… I do not condone calling anyone names or bullying whatsoever.

I am currently pregnant and LC with my FIL. Last night we saw MIL and FIL at a function for my young brother in law. I had on a winter jacket and long scarf. My FIL has a history of making crass and belittling remarks. ie telling me I wouldn’t puke from pregnancy if I had “swallowed or taken it in the a—“

He sees me and without greeting me in any normal way, immediately says “How fat are you now?” I tried to brush it off and said “I’m not fat, I’m growing a human”. He persisted and said “No, seriously we know you’re fat.” For reference, I’m 5’3 and normally do running and weightlifting. I was 158lbs pre pregnancy and I’m now 139lbs. I’m losing weight due to HG, a medical condition in pregnancy that causes excessive vomiting and nausea.

I stared at him and he said “well…?” My husband was trying to usher me away and as I scooted past FIL in the bleachers he said “What does your diet look like? If you’re eating red 40 you’ll give the baby autism.” I stopped and was nearly about to cry. I told him I had actually lost nearly 20lbs and I’m doing the best I can to eat anything. He said “Bull—-, you’re pregnant you’re not supposed to lose weight. You should be fat.”

This is where I’m not proud of myself. My FIL is obese. Much of the family makes fun of him for it, but I would never mock someone for their weight. No one was defending me and I was on verge of tears. I said “I doubt you’re the right person to give me advice about my weight. If one of us is fat, it’s you.” I ran off crying to the bathroom and husband stayed to yell at FIL with my MIL. When I returned he seemed sheepish and offered a half apology.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Meditation_flower on 2024-01-18 08:13:08+00:00.

I 18(f almost 19) was asked by mom whether I thought a surprise b-day party for my brother (17m) was a good idea to motivate him in order to work harder in our business. I told her a phone & money would be better, so he can invest it in the business & he’s been begging for a new phone that he needs for work. Since in the long run that’s what helped me when I turned his age. My brother wanted to hangout with me for his b-day & my mom got offended on how she’s being excluded, although the official family b-day dinner is the next day. (She’s overprotective)We had arguments since we disagreed we were behaving that way, that we’re 24/7 with her, & just like to have our personal space as young adults. (She rarely lets us hangout by ourselves)My brother wanted to make amends with her by asking if we could go eat breakfast on his day, she said disinterested “No, I don’t think I can do that” & subtly disagreed with the official family dinner with “why would you want to do that” I had asked her if I could sleepover at my bff‘s house of 6 yrs due to all the stress, although I’m almost 19 she has never let me sleepover nowhere. She said “i wanted to take out your brother to dinner & of course he’ll want to go w/you”, i said “but you didn’t even want to take him for his breakfast birthday?” Now she’s telling me how I was pretty much an a-hole, that I should’ve supported her on the surprise b-day party. That if it weren’t for me, she would’ve done it. A moment ago she didn’t even want to celebrate his b-day with breakfast or the official dinner, I don’t understand since I told her my pov in the nicest way & what i thought smartest in the long run. She told me not think for him, although she had asked for my pov. That was 2 weeks ago, she had only asked what I thought would be better & not actually making plans. She truly doesn’t even want to see my face or talk to me. I tried fixing things with her due to arguments of her being offended from the hangout, however she now blames me too for this. By being unbiased aita? If I am Please tell me how I can fix this.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/rattman0101 on 2024-01-18 08:05:56+00:00.

TLDR at the end

I (M22) matched with (F20) two days ago on hinge and we sparked up a great conversation right away with some funny banter back and forth, and we ended up exchanging snaps. I normally like to keep my conversations on the phone prior to the first date a tad brief to save most of the “getting to know each other” for the actual date, but she has a cold right now (she actually does have a cold she went to urgent care lmao) so we continued to talk over snap. We continue our funny banter but then she abruptly asks me for “guy advice”. Assuming she just wanted a guy’s perspective on a problem, I gladly offered my advice, but she literally meant advice with other dudes. She asked me what I thought of this one guy she was talking to. I tried to light heartedly deflect the question by jokingly saying how I never thought I’d be giving a girl I met on a dating app advice on dating. She then told me that she saw me as a friend, which confused me cuz I thought we were vibing well and we met on a fucking dating app, but I wasn’t bothered by it to be honest, plenty of fish in the sea. I respectfully told her that while I did enjoy getting to know her and joking around with her, I think we should cut things off since we’re not really on the same page. I continued by saying I’m not really looking for friends right now, I’m trying to find someone who’s interested in me in that respect. She responded by saying “wow we can’t even be friends huh? That’s wild”. I thought she’d taken offense, so I responded by saying “no hard feelings or anything, you’re cool and all but I’m just not looking for friends right now” and she left me on read. I find the whole situation funny to be honest, and I’m already talking to others matches, and at the end of the day I wanted to stop talking and that’s exactly what we did lol, but I just wanted to know if I somehow misread the situation, thank you for reading my post, and any input is greatly appreciated.

TLDR I matched with a girl and we exchanged snaps. She then asked me for “guy advice” and I offered my help, assuming she wanted a guy’s perspective on a certain problem. She then asked me what I thought of some other guy she was talking to. I declined to help and said we should stop talking respectfully, and she reacted as if I was in the wrong. AITA?