Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NaiveEfficiency5186 on 2024-01-17 13:11:19+00:00.

My sister Myra (40F) has a daughter Callie (19F). Callie's dad was not in her life when she was a child (his choice) and Myra was a single mom for Callie's entire childhood. There was a time, when Callie was 8, that Myra got into a relationship with a man called Troy. They were together for 3 years and the three spent a lot of time together. Myra introduced Troy almost immediately and they worked on all of them bonding and getting to know each other. Then after 3 years Troy and Myra had been talking marriage. Troy decided to ask Callie for her blessing. Callie said she didn't want her mom to marry him. At that point he decided the relationship as a whole was not going to work and he told Myra and they broke up.

Myra never forgave Callie for refusing to give her blessing and she blames her for the downfall of the relationship with Troy. He didn't want to be stuck in a relationship where Callie would never want him around and Myra was convinced that Callie had lied for many years and has said Callie always said how much she loved Troy. I know that was more wishful thinking on Myra's part and Callie never said anything either positive or negative. She was never asked and never offered it independently.

Callie knows how Myra feels about her and when she moved out 18 months ago, she did so with being fully independent from her mom so she wouldn't have to be around her mom's resentment. I have spoken to my sister about this and she denies resenting Callie.

Myra cannot understand why Callie stays away. She has complained about this a lot and has asked me what she's supposed to do and why "this shit" has to be so hard and when I ask her what she means she says parenting. I told her a few days ago that if she really wants to know what her next step should be, I told her it's therapy. I told her she badly needs it because she refuses to see why her relationship with Callie is so distant today.

Myra took offense to the suggestion and told me I shouldn't be treating her like she's crazy.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Primary-Stick-2264 on 2024-01-17 10:36:48+00:00.

My husband and I (both 33M) recently became guardians of my niece Ella (15f) after CPS got involved. There's a lot of background here that I need to get out of the way first.

Ella's father is my brother Tom and Ella's mom died due to complications delivering my other niece Becca (8f). Ella was 7 at the time and she blamed Becca for their mom's death. She quickly became very angry and expressed hatred for her sister and made comments about how Becca should have been the one to die instead or that Becca stole her mom from her. Tom did not get Ella any help. I got involved and warned him Ella was not coping well and things would turn nasty. Tom said he was helping the girls relationship and that's all that would be needed. Then two years later, with no therapy and no improvement in the relationship between the girls, Tom married Sarah. This is where things went from bad to worse. Becca adored Sarah and started calling her mom almost immediately. This only angered Ella more. She would get so angry at her dad, at her sister, at her stepmom and she would tell Becca she deserved to die and how dare she replace the woman who died because of her. She told Tom he was sick for doing that to her mom. She told Sarah she was stealing from her mom and she hated her and her ugly face and she would never be good enough. These are things that happened out in the open and were witnessed by our whole extended family but they also went on at home.

Sarah did her best to try and get Ella help but Tom was not on board and Sarah was not the right person to do it. CPS became involved after Ella called them on Sarah and wanted to get Becca and Sarah separated at all costs. She wanted to punish her sister for calling Becca mom and wanted to punish Becca too. It became clear after CPS got involved that while Sarah was not a danger to Becca, Ella and Becca could not continue to live together in the environment they were in. I think they only took things so seriously because Ella told the social worker after wishing Becca and Sarah dead and telling them how much she hates her sister.

My husband and I stepped up and offered to take Ella which CPS agreed to. When I spoke to them about the rules and how things would be handled. They said not to set up visits with Tom or Becca for Ella and to get Ella therapy. But they did say, if we wanted to, we could attend larger family functions even if they would be there. But it would likely be better not to. I already knew this. My husband and I discussed it and we agreed we should all stay away while Ella is with us and is still struggling as much as she is.

I told my family what we had decided and they did not understand why we couldn't have quick visits or make the effort to expose the girls to each other in shorts bursts. I said I felt it would be bad for both of them but mostly for Ella, who I had to prioritize as she needed so much help. My family then claimed my big announcement was like a fuck you to them. Tom was enraged. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SwimmerApart2279 on 2024-01-17 10:26:26+00:00.

When I (24f) was a senior in highschool, there was a freshman girl who was entirely obsessed with me to a level that annoyed me.

We had the same interests so we became friends, at first she was cool and nice, but things started to get worse. She would dye her hair the same color as me. She would start showing up or "accidentally" run into me when I was hanging out with my friends or my boyfriend. She would be at every convention and concert where I was.

In the final two months of highschool, she got the same tattoo I had. It was a matching piece with my mother, and we designed it together, so it was the first time when I confronted her about being hung up on me way too much. She didn't even consider it I think, because nothing changed, she would still show up to places where I was.

After I graduated, we stopped talking to each other. I removed her on every social media page I could. But like a week ago, she found me on Instagram, and texted me that she was getting married, and she wanted me as her maid of honor, because I was her highschool best friend.

At first, I explained kindly that I was in fact, not her highschool best friend, and I declined the offer. She kept pushing to a level where I just ghosted her. Later, she would post on Instagram story that I crushed her dreams, and my boyfriend thinks I was too harsh on her. I told him she was delusional to think that after almost 6 years of not talking to each other I would just be her maid of honor.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BullysName on 2024-01-17 09:44:08+00:00.

When I was in high school, I was constantly bullied by Sophie. She made fun of my appearance, personality, hobbies and grades. She also spread rumours about me and often told me that she wished I'd die (and was pretty specific about this). In elementary school, there was a bitchy stuck up brat named Sophie who endlessly spoke about how she was rich. In general, I do not have a positive connotation of the name "Sophie" but wouldn't just dislike someone because they share that name.

My husband (27) and I (26) were discussing names for our child. We don't know if it is going to be male or female, but started making a list of 10 male and 10 female names that we would consider. One of the female names my husband was very insistent on was "Sophie", the name of his dead grandmother who basically raised him since his parents were always busy with work.

At once, I told him that I would not even consider it because the bully who tormented me throughout all of high school was also named Sophie. He got angry since he really wanted to use the name of the person who meant so much to him, but I refused. He told me that we should at least put it in the possible names, but I said absolutely not since I did not even want to consider it.

He got really angry that I wasn't trying to take his opinion into account.

AITA for refusing to consider to name our child Sophie?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway89112819 on 2024-01-17 05:46:04+00:00.

My (29M) boyfriend (24M) is an aspiring actor. [We’re both men, in case those of you speed reading didn’t notice.] He wants to act full time but still relies on odd jobs to pay the bills. He was recently cast in a play and is super excited about it (so I am, I want him to succeed). It’s a staging of Midsummer Night's Dream in one of your local theaters. Since it’s Shakespeare, he wants to use a British accent (I don’t know if that’s just his decision or if that’s a direction that was given to the whole cast – I haven’t yet seen the play because they’re still in rehearsals).

The thing is he now uses his fake accent all the time (for practice’s sake I guess). At first I thought it was amusing and didn’t bother me at all. But today we were having a more serious conversation (it wasn’t about us, it started with me sharing my concerns about my mother’s upcoming surgery), and he kept talking to me in his British accent. I asked him to drop it because it was distracting and I felt he wasn’t treating the subject with the seriousness I felt it deserved.

He reacted as if I was implying that his work wasn’t serious, which is not what I meant at all. He took it as if I was not being supportive. I also might have asked him to drop his "silly accent". (I don't remember using those words but he was sure I used them, which made him believe I was criticizing his efforts.) So, AITA here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Miserable-Truth6901 on 2024-01-17 04:55:58+00:00.

This story needs a crap ton of background. When I was 10 I was put into foster care. I was placed with my aunt (my dad's sister) and she eventually adopted me and my older sister. My adoptive mom and dad raised me until I became an adult and moved out at 18.

I started dating my husband soon after and we got married when I was 20. About a month we found out we were pregnant. Everyone was elated and in my eyes both my adoptive parents and bio dad and step mom were equally my child's grandparents.

Fast forward to when I was 9 months pregnant and could pop any day. My extended family has a family reunion every year and one member asked on our family Facebook page who all was coming. Since I was due a week after the reunion was to take place I said I wasn't coming. My adoptive mom so said she wasn't going because she "was waiting for her grand child to arrive".

Everything was fine and dandy until my adoptive mom and I found out that our extended family was talking about our situation and said that my adoptive mom shouldn't be excited to see my child because my kid was not her grand kid biologically. In response, my mom wrote a post about how family is family no matter how were related and if we love each other that's all that matters. One of the extended family members said that my adoptive mom treats my sister and I seperate from her own biological children (the only reason why we're treated different is each of us have our own special needs. For example, I have anxiety, depression and ptsd. One sibling is autistic, another has bpd. We all have different needs). I told this person "tell us honestly how you see any of us raised unfairly compared to any other SIBLING. You sound stupid sitting there repeating yourself so if you feel that you get to have a say in the first place then defend it, otherwise shut up"

This offended her (insert eye roll here) and she messaged me literally an hour after I had given birth telling me I need to respect my elders and what I said was rude. I believe that respect goes both ways and what I said was mild compared to what I wanted to say. Also this entire conversation could've waited until I was at least out of the hospital. BTW she knew I had just given birth.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Zawila on 2024-01-17 01:40:49+00:00.

This big mess began over two decades ago. There were three women involved : my(18m) mom, 'Jenna' and 'Tricia'. All three went to university together. So what my father did was ask my mom to be his girlfriend, and then six hours later asked Jenna to be his girlfriend too. Yes, in the same day. He admitted it. Jenna knew he was cheating on my mom with her but she didn't care. Mom didn't know about Jenna. The next day he asked Tricia to be his girlfriend. I didn't mention her in my previous post since I didn't find out about her until recently. Tricia didn't know anything and no one knew about Tricia. Not mom, not Jenna. No one.

So, yeah. Three girlfriends at the same time.

Then he married mom and had me. He also had a son with Jenna, with me and my mom being unaware of it for a very long time. Ended up leaving us for Jenna. Broke my mom's heart. I was only 13 at the time.

Yesterday he came over saying Jenna and Tricia found out about each other and both of them left him, with Jenna moving out and filing for divorce. Now he wants me and mom to take him back. He asked me to 'put in a good word with mom.' Told me mom would give it a try if I asked, after mom already turned him down.

I told him what I said in the title. Later on, my grandma called me and said I should at least try to hold back a little and show a little respect, since he did raise me being leaving and that I owe him at least the bare minimum courtesy.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FitStarAnise on 2024-01-17 01:39:28+00:00.

I (38f) am married with 2 children, twins Amy and Nina (6f). We live in the same town as most of his families in the house I inherited from my grandfather. It is the biggest house in the family so we often host family gatherings.

My husband’s youngest sister Jane (31f) has been traveling for work ever since her early 20’s. Mid 2022 she moved in with her fiancé about half a hour drive away from us. After that Jane shows up regularly at family gatherings and rebuilds relationships with her family members. The only thing she never bothers to do is address my daughters by their names.

Amy and Nina are identical twins. I understand when people refer to them as “the twins” but I think it is important that their individuality is respected. I always tell family and friends that now that they are 6 years old it is important for them to have their own identity and if possible please treat them as individual rather than a pair or a unit. My girls have different interests and hair/dressing styles so it is not hard to tell them apart.

Jane always insists on calling the girls “the twins” and makes no effort to distinguish them. I asked her many times to treat them as individuals, like her other nieces and nephews, and Jane would say OK and then keep doing the same thing.

Last Christmas Amy made paper cranes and Nina painted flower pictures as their Christmas gifts to everyone in the family. They signed their names and individually handed the gift to everyone. Jane’s fiancé had to work this year and did not join us so after brunch she video called him in the living room while the rest of us did our things nearby. Her fiancé saw the crane in her hand and asked where she got it and Jane said “Oh, one of the twins gave it to me for Christmas. The other twin drew some flowers.”

I felt that this was a disrespect as my girls put a lot of effort into the gifts and deserve to have their private dedication recognized. When everyone left, I told Jane I expected her to call my girls Amy and Nina from now on and to treat them like individual and know their differences. Jane said that she won’t bother as my girls are too young. So I told her she is banned from my house until she learns how to address my girls by their names. Jane just stomped off. My husband agreed with me on this.

A few days ago my MIL called to plan my husband’s birthday in early February. I told her we could have the party at my house like usual but Jane would not be invited. My MIL was alarmed and asked why and when she learned of what happened she was mad at Jane. Jane called me a few hours ago calling me AH for making a big deal out of something insignificant. She said my girls would be known as the twins whether I like it or not and once they get older people WILL recognize them as individuals but not now when they’re young and “just another couple of girls.” She said she deserves to be with her family for her brother’s birthday and I need to let it go. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway12342565 on 2024-01-17 00:56:38+00:00.

I, 22 Female and my (ex) friend 23 Female used to like going out a lot. We would frequently eat in the city and since my family is more upper class and hers are more ~~middle~~ working-class, I end up paying from 75%-100% of the meals we eat.

At first I didn't mind paying, but ever since I started to object, she would make snarky comments like "What daddy didn't pay your trust fund?" or " What's the point of having so much money if you're not gonna spend it on your friends?" or "You're so stingy, You know I don't have as much money as you do."

Yet every time we went out she would pick the more expensive and fancy restaurants, and as soon as it's time to pay, she would be like, "oh you'll cover the bill, right?" or " Sorry I didn't bring my wallet."

It's just excuse after excuse with her and I'd just get so annoyed that last time we went out to eat, I asked her if she would pay her half, she told me, "No, I don't have enough money" so I said well then you're not eating. At first she laughed and we she saw my face, she looked at me like, 'you're joking, right?'

at that point I got so fed up I told her "If you're not willing to pay your half of the meal then I'm not buying you food, you're a full grown woman with a bank account, use it." And after she heard that, she got angry and we kept arguing so loudly that we got kicked out of the restaurant.

And to top it all off she had the audacity to demand me to call her an uber because it was my fault that we got kicked out of the restaurant. Of course I didn't and left her there. But ever since that night, my friends have been blowing up my phone calling me an asshole for leaving her there at 11pm at night.

so reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FixRemarkable4152 on 2024-01-16 21:49:55+00:00.

My wife and I are a same-sex couple and we've been together for over ten years. My wife is the one who was pregnant with our son (10M) and his sister (5M). Lately, our son has been coming home from school and continuously asking why he looks more like his other mommy but looks nothing like me. This was a conversation my wife avoided having for a long time but he kept asking. I decided to explain to him that he looks like his other mommy and not me because he was in her tummy and has half of her genetics, and that's why he looks more like mommy than me. He seemed okay with that. My wife noticed that he no longer noticed he was asking and asked me why he wasn't asking this question anymore. I told her that I explained he was in Mommy's tummy and shares half of her genetics.

She was pissed with me and got into a massive argument, saying I shouldn't have told him that. Personally, I can't see what I did wrong as I explained what he wanted to know; he was okay with that; I told him, although you weren't in my tummy, I love you just as much, if not a little more, than other mommy does.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wo1fwood on 2024-01-16 21:20:39+00:00.

Our houses sit on a hill right next to each other, where our backyards are the high point and the land slopes down to our front yards. My house also sits much higher than his, even though they are only about 25 feet apart. The water from my roof goes directly to his property. His house also sits in a bit of a bowl. His land rises toward the front of his house before dropping off again, effectively trapping all the rain water right around his house.

Last year his basement flooded completely. In an effort to help, I had new gutters installed on my house. The leader goes into what I thought was an existing dry well. Apparently, it is only a small catch basin that does not hold much water. In major storms the catch basin overflows and we are back to the water going directly to his house. Now his basement flooded again. He wants me to rectify the problem. He does not have French drains in his basement and said he does not want to break up his floor to install them. His property really needs to be regraded, but it would be incredibly difficult and expensive. It would be difficult to get machinery there and he would likely have to destroy his driveway.

I could have a new dry well installed in my backyard to handle the overflow from bad storms, but doing it correctly would be a real financial hardship. It just seems a bit unfair. Why should I have to bear all this cost when he is unwilling to do anything to improve his own situation. Even if I install the dry well, there is no guarantee that it will solve the problem.

AITA if I tell him I'm not willing to spend any more money to fix his flooding issue?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Acrobatic_Pack_8354 on 2024-01-16 20:09:29+00:00.

Throwaway account for privacy.

My (35F) husband, Zayden, (36M) and I got married five years ago and are still debating about a wedding gift we received. When we got married, a mutual friend of ours (Adria) gifted us an expensive telescope based on an offhand comment I apparently made about enjoying astronomy (I don't remember making this comment). This gift wasn't on the registry and is not something we're interested in using. We don't have much space in our current backyard to set it up, and we're not interested in hauling it along when we move to a bigger house.

We've been storing the telescope in our basement, where it's taking up a lot of space. I suggested to Zayden that we sell the telescope online and use the cash towards a down payment on a house, but Zayden is worried that Adria will see the advertisement for the telescope and be offended that we're selling her gift. So, when a good friend of mine told me how much she loved astronomy, I offered to sell her the telescope and she happily agreed.

After the transaction, I told Zayden about it and he got really upset, saying we should have just kept the telescope. My response was that since it was a private sale and not advertised online where Adria could see, then there wasn't a problem. My husband said that Adria had been randomly asking him about whether we're using the telescope, and he told her I sold it because I didn't like it.

Now Adria is upset that I sold her "thoughtful gift", and Zayden is calling me an AH for upsetting Adria when we could've just kept storing the telescope in our basement. I don't think I did anything wrong, especially since Zayden told me he didn't want the telescope, either. AITA?

EDIT: I realize that I forgot to mention this in my original post. Zayden didn't want the telescope, either (I asked him before I sold it). He was worried about Adria's reaction and thought that we could've just kept the telescope to avoid upsetting her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/unaliveplant on 2024-01-16 20:02:02+00:00.

Some short background, I (27 F) am from the UK while my husband (38 M) is from the US, we've been doing long distance for 2 years at this point where he comes to visit and we were saving up for me to visit there but Its expensive and my son has school.......Which if you've been on holiday in term time you know its 1000 times more expensive than not.

I've met my in laws over video calls but not in person until a week before my actually wedding, whereas id met my husband at least 10 times in them 2 years of us dating, him staying with me 2 weeks or longer each time.

When i got to america and we finally met the family, it was hard because they claimed they wanted to get to know me so many times but none of them actually tried to make conversation with me, they didn't ask questions and they were all talking about things i had no idea on as it was sports or something i couldn't even try to engage in, like reliving memories i couldn't really comment on other than, "that sounds awesome" or "that's great" but they kept claiming they so wanted to get to know me and me going outside every now and then to get a breather from awkward social situations (having severe anxiety) was "them being unable to get to know me," i felt ignored and invisible.

The wedding day itself went great we got ready got married and started partying, kind of, again same situation, no one spoke to me, the only people who actually had conversations with me were my friends and we went outside together while she had a smoke because i didn't wanna be alone. Me and my husband spent most of our time together and around 8pm my friend left no one was speaking to me and my husband much at that point. 9pm rolls around and i get out of my dress and start trying to pack things up so then there wasn't much that needed to be done at the end of the night.

WELL thats when SIL(48 F) realizes we're leaving and my husband is currently playing with my son (who is 5 years old) and his cousin too preoccupied to hear his sister scream at me asking if we're leaving, like she was in severe shock. She screamed at me 3 times until she then stormed out and well threw a tantrum, my husband tried to go and calm her but that didn't work and she continued cried when i let my husband know that the uber is here and we gotta go. I was exhausted and extremely annoyed at this point after being screamed at and completely exhausted i just wanted to leave so i shouted to my husband that im leaving with or without him. i know wasnt my brightest moment but i was tired especially with my body clock not changing either, We left and now his sister is mad, her husband is mad and decided the wedding video he took of us. He said we can't have because i was "immature" for not staying a little longer when i saw SIL was upset. I do understand her being upset but at the same time could she not of pulled us aside and had a civil conversation with us rather than screaming at me and throwing a tantrum like a child.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CanadianRoyalist on 2024-01-16 19:44:20+00:00.

My (24M) sister (26F) absolutely hates mayonnaise. There’s no religious or moral reasons, she just hates mayonnaise.

Yesterday I was making scrambled eggs for her and the rest of the family and I put mayonnaise in them, as I have been doing for years.

Everyone really liked them so my brother-in-law asked me how I made them. I told him they were just eggs, chilli powder, garlic salt, and mayonnaise, then whipped heavily. The mayonnaise makes it fluffy and rich.

My sister was pissed because of how much she hates mayonnaise. I brought out how she never had a problem eating them before she knew they had mayonnaise, so she called me an asshole.

So am I the asshole for putting mayonnaise in my scrambled eggs knowing my sister hates them?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/replicablevintage on 2024-01-16 19:11:55+00:00.

My MIL was diagnosed with lung cancer while in the hospital for Covid. She displays what I believe to be narcissistic tendencies. She is also a former alcoholic and tobacco smoker.

There has been another family member living with my wife my entire time knowing her. Ive expressed many times before we got engaged and before we got married that if this was to take place that it would be a deal breaker. But one morning not even after 2 months of staying with us she got drunk and was sobbing loudly while I was in another room at my desk working. I call my wife and let her know she needs to check on her cuz I’m sure she’s drunk. She makes her pack up and stay at her youngest brothers house.

I feel like this woman depends on my wife for everything and never tries to do anything for herself. She’s gets her medicine, she handles all her medical info, cooks for her, takes her everywhere etc. Their relationship is strange.They share clothes, will sleep in the same bed together, wife’s completely comfortable walking around her naked etc. Very little boundaries in their relationship.

Now for my BIL. At first he started coming by to make sure MIL was good in between treatments. But that turned into him sleeping on our couch for about 5-6 months.His BM dropped the kids off at our house unannounced almost every other weekend. He’s been on record saying he feels we should help take care of him because he claims he helped raise my wife and second youngest BIL (which isn’t true in the slightest) MIL also invites people and her grandkids over without permission. So at this point I’m pretty much fed up and I told my wife that he needs to leave and that they need find MIL a place to stay. This was an entire conversation but it was good respectful one where I thought she finally understood me. BIL left for one night, then comes back. And who do you think let him in? I’m very frustrated at this point. I reiterate my point again; I tell her either I live here or they do and she gets mad and calls all her brothers to tell them I’m kicking the two out. I end up having to confront MIL and I explained to her why I was having them find her her own home. I bring up BIL as well and they both say “well he’s gonna do what he wants to do”. At one point I start going into how I’ve watched my wife be her caretaker way before she was sick and she cuts me off and leaves the house.

It is clear to me now that her loyalty lies with them. I feel bad because she has cancer (also continues to smoke btw), and I understand the struggle because my dad went through all of it at one time. But I’m sick of this of this family and this BS they try pull on my wife and I. Shes stated multiple times she has no childhood because she spent it taking care of her alcoholic mother. She didn’t even speak up when I mentioned that part to her mother.

TLDR; I put my MIL and BIL out while shes dealing with stage 2 lung cancer because they won’t be courteous or take responsibility for themselves.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Decent-Land4210 on 2024-01-16 19:01:59+00:00.

I 24F am a guardian for my

niece Ruby 15F after my sister passed. I am civil with my BIL but we both have different ideas on how to raise Ruby and struggle to compromise sometimes.

Recently, one of Ruby’s classmates came forward to say she was followed home from the bus stop. Her school is organising a self defence workshop for all the girls and Ruby wanted to sign up.

I got an email from the school to sign a form to let Ruby participate in the class and was going to sign but out of courtesy told my BIL.

We spoke on the phone and he disagreed with letting Ruby join the class. My BIL is overprotective of Ruby and wasn’t willing to discuss the class and said no.

Ruby came to see me last week, the night before the class, and said her dad wouldn’t budge and even when I tried talking to him he insisted that Ruby doesn’t need to learn and is fine.

I signed the form for Ruby, as you only needed one signature and messaged my BIL that Ruby is going to the class and he couldn’t name one valid reason for her not attending.

He is now mad that I have overstepped boundaries as I am not Ruby’s parent so I shouldn’t make this decision for her.

eta-my sister and BIL were never together and my sister knew she was going to pass so handed her custody to me. Me and BIL have Ruby 50/50, but I am still in college and can’t have someone staying with me in student accommodation, so this will only be in effect after I graduate. I am a legal guardian for Ruby.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/madfrogparty on 2024-01-16 18:34:07+00:00.

I (33F) am currently pumping 6 times a day for breast milk. My newborn had tongue tie and difficulty latching, so I am exclusively pumping. At home when it's just me and my husband, I don't cover up to pump. When I have company over, I wear a cover over the pumps (nothing wrong with not wearing a cover... I'm just personally not comfortable pumping with my nipples exposed in front of my in-laws, parents, friends, etc). FYI without a cover, even though you are fully clothed, the nipples are visible through the flanges when you pump.

Yesterday my front lawn camera triggered a notification, and I saw the delivery guy walking up to my house with a package that I was expecting. I was mid-pump so I texted my husband, but he replied that he was in the middle of a work meeting and could not come to the door. After ringing the doorbell and receiving no answer, I could see on security cam that he was writing the missed delivery slip for pickup at the post office.

Honestly, it's such a pain because you have to wait until the next day and drive all the way to the post office. So I decided - screw it - threw on my cover and opened the front door. He looked very shocked and very uncomfortable to see me: I had my pump clipped to my waist, a cover over the flanges, so while no breast or nipples were exposed, you could tell there was the outline of something attached to my chest, some tubing visible, and obvious pump noises and possibly audible milk spray. ~~It looked something like~~ ~~this~~. Edit: I just pumped again, so this time I took a picture with the exact cover I was wearing (so no nips/breasts exposed, but definitely obvious that I was pumping).

He basically cleared his throat, shifted and looked away while I signed for the delivery. Then as he handed me the package, he kind of winced and said: "You know you didn't have to open the door in your... state. It's nothing urgent." I replied: "Yeah, but I don't want to make a trip to the post office to pick it up when you're already here." He seemed quite annoyed and said: "I think you should realize that this makes others uncomfortable." At that point, I felt quite annoyed and said rather sarcastically, "My bad for traumatizing you. Hope no one else on your delivery route answers the door with medical equipment."

When I told my husband, he rolled his eyes and said "that guy needs to get over himself." But thinking about it, I wonder if I was being an inconsiderate AH. Perhaps this is different from breastfeeding or pumping in public? There, you are minding your own business and others can look away, and you are not "making" them look at you. By answering the door, I was maybe forcing him to interact with me while I was in a state that some might find uncomfortable? I wonder if I've misunderstood some kind of social contract here.

Edit: title misspelling, breast *PUMP not bump!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/reddof on 2024-01-16 18:11:24+00:00.

Over the weekend I called animal control because our neighbor has left their dog outside in freezing weather. This dog has been outside for as long as I know. I've never seen them take it inside their house. The weather here is a high of 0F and a windchill of -20F. The dog has no shelter, not even trees or bushes to block the wind. I think the dog is a shepherd/lab mix. I admit I'm not a dog expert, but it didn't seem like this dog had any business being outside.

I didn't talk to the neighbor first because I've heard rumors that he has had run-ins with a few other people in the neighborhood and I didn't want to deal with that. Besides, I figure they know they have a dog and they know it's cold outside. I didn't expect to get anywhere by talking with them. I also was hoping to remain anonymous if I had to report it and talking to them first would have made it obvious that it was me.

Animal control came out over the weekend while the neighbor wasn't home. They took the dog and left some paperwork on their door. The next day he came over and asked if I'm the one that called. I didn't really want to admit it but I also didn't want to lie. I told him that I was really worried about the dog and I wanted to make sure it was alright. He started arguing with me and saying I should have talked to him first and blaming me for their kids' pet being taken away. Note, I have never once seen the kids playing with the dog and like I said it is always outside. He was also saying I owe him $400 ($150 fine + $120 for boarding + $100 for medical).

Anyway, I figured if animal control came out and there was nothing wrong then they would leave and it wouldn't be an issue. The fact that they took the dog makes me think it was the right thing to do. Maybe I should have talked with them first, but I didn't want to get into it with them. AITA for not talking with my neighbor first?

Edit: Thanks for the support everybody. Early replies make it sound like I did the right thing. I knew the dog needed help, but I wasn't sure if I screwed up by not talking to my neighbor first. I was hoping to avoid a confrontation, but I'm not overly worried about it. I told him I wasn't going to pay when he was demanding it. I'm going to stick to it if he asks again. Oh, and as far as I know the dog is okay right now. I don't know whether he will get it back or not.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Striking-Student-830 on 2024-01-16 18:04:37+00:00.

I (23F) babysit on the side to afford rent. There's this one man Andrew (43M) who I work for a lot. He's a single dad and has a demanding job so I babysit his two kids Amy (6F) and Jason (10M) a lot on the weekdays and weekends. Picking them up from school and being with them until Andrew gets back from work.

Recently he's asked me to do more like take Jason to his soccer games and stick around to cheer him on because he's the only kid who gets picked up and dropped off if Andrew can't take him. It's the same with Amy for her dance classes. He keeps doing thins like that, offering to pay me double to do it. And promises the kids that I'll do it, so when I don't they get upset.

It's gotten ridiculous and I feel like he's trying to make me the kids new mom. So I texted him saying he'd need to find a new babysitter after he promised Amy I'd chaperone her fieldtrip in the spring. He called me to scream at me, calling me every name under the sun for quitting without notice and for no reason. I spoke to a guy friend to get some perspective and he said I should've at least given some notice. AITA?

edit: I told him to stop volunteering me for things and promising the kids I'd go several times. He'd laugh it off and do it again a few weeks later

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/assholethrow93758 on 2024-01-16 17:47:26+00:00.

My (F28) legal name is Saoirse, which is pronounced as “Seer-sha”. I get that it isn’t the easiest name to spell, so I usually don’t give people who do it wrong a hard time or go by my middle name that’s way easier to spell. To make it worse, my middle name is Rifle. Yes I’m not kidding. Basically my mum picked my first name and my dad did the middle name, unfortunately I have no ways of finding out what was the reason for that choice as they’re no longer with us.

I have a coworker (F33) who’s a bitch baby about my name for some reason. Like I’ve been Sirsha, Siersha and Sasha (wtf woman) for some reason, and it was on paper so I had to contact the boss and have them redo the papers. And yes according to her Rifle isn’t an actual name, won’t be arguing here, but it’s how it is on my ID and I can’t do nothing about it. For reference her name is Kate, maybe she’s jealous bc she has a boring ass name idk.

So I got fed up with her bullshit and started calling her Kathleen, Catelyn, Kylie, whatever just not Kate. Of course it made her like super upset and she started whining about how I’m being a bully. I said it’s her who’s being a bully who constantly misspells my name. She said my name is too hard, I told her to use my middle name instead and she started bitching that it’s “trashy” and “not an actual name”. Like I said I didn’t take no shit this time and told her that until she starts respecting my name I won’t be respecting hers. She said that I’m a bully and an asshole.

I reckon that maybe my response wasn’t the gentlest but tbh I felt like she should get a taste of her own medicine. Also I reported her to the hr and they didn’t do nothing bc the company we work for is kinda crappy.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ChampagnexPop on 2024-01-16 17:19:58+00:00.

So, I'm living with two other girls, Sarah and Emma. We laid down some basic rules to keep our place chill. But lately, Emma's been kinda breaking them, messing with the vibe.

We had this deal about respecting personal space and stuff. Emma's been borrowing things without asking and not giving them back on time. Plus, we set up a cleaning schedule for common areas, and guess who's skipping her turn? Yep, Emma.

I dropped some hints in our group chat. You know, general stuff about sticking to the plan without directly pointing fingers. But Emma just shrugged it off.

Finally, I had enough. I confronted her, trying to keep it chill. Explained how her actions were messing with the apartment dynamics. Emma, though, went full defense mode. Accused me of being uptight and controlling. She even brought up some excuses about being busy and forgetting. Classic moves.

After that, things got even more awkward. She'd give half-apologies, saying she'd try to do better, but it felt empty. One time she blamed it on a hectic work schedule, another time on forgetfulness. It became a cycle, with me confronting her, her making excuses, and the tension in the apartment building up.

Is it so hard to just ask to borrow stuff and/or at least give it back in time? Is it so hard to just clean when everyone else is doing it too? I mean she enjoys the clean apartment whenever it is our turn to clean...

Now, Sarah's stuck in the middle, and it feels like we're in this never-ending loop.

Sarah agrees with me but is kind of stuck in the middle because she shares a closer relationship with Emma. Being friends before we became roommates, Sarah also often got stuck playing mediator whenever tensions flared up.

Emma would vent to Sarah about how I was being too strict or how she felt misunderstood, while I would share my side of the story with Sarah as well.

AITA for calling out rule breaks, or should I have handled it differently to avoid the drama?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/fameoftherain805 on 2024-01-15 11:27:24+00:00.

I (16f) have had a lot of emotional health issues since I was 11, and I am currently diagnosed with autism, dyspraxia, depression and anxiety and in child mental health services, and my life is quite stressful right now except I'm still not sure why his is why this incident happened.

I go to bed at 10 and wake up at 6, which I know is strange but I do. Last night I went to bed as usual, although I was very active even though I'd been exercising and swimming during the day. My parents stay up until midnight and knew I was up. Long story short, I heard something in the kitchen thinking someone could have broken in to the house and my dad went up to check. While my mom was still awake I asked her if she had to go anywhere tommorow (she's still off work, recovering from surgery about a month ago) and she said no and since I wasn't going to get enough sleep at this point she said I could stay home from school. It was about 2am before I went to sleep and I only got three hours and woke up in between them. I tried everything from counting sheep to taking melatonin but nothing worked.

I was so exhausted when I woke up, today was an important day in school, my friend was coming back in crutches from an operation on her foot after being out for a month and I had a project to present too, so I felt like I would be useless and whining of i went in.

My mom was annoyed with me for not going to school saying this better not happen again and I need to soothe myself before bed,even after agreeing, my brother says I'm being lazy, one of my aunts has taken my side and another says I'm being lazy and overdramatic since my cousin (her son) stays up every night until 2-3am gaming and always still goes to school. I really wanted to go to school, but I felt like it would be no good today and I don't know if I'm overdramatic or not. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Soggy_Sneakers87 on 2024-01-15 11:22:14+00:00.

Hi, sorry this is so long! Am I the ass hole? I am going to have a phone call tonight with a friend to tell her I don’t want her boyfriend at my micro wedding. We were going to elope but have some aging family that would be meaningful to have there and ended up making a very small list of our nearest and dearest. For context last spring I moved across the ocean to be with my fiancé. We are having a very small elopement style wedding. My friend was asking about it and sounded like she really wanted to attend. I explained there are no “plus ones” but if she could come that would be lovely. Apparently her boyfriend (who I’ve only met twice) has a thing about being left out and she told me that. I asked her to just explain to him that even my little sisters fiancé isn’t coming, to get him to understand. At some point I’d said something about money and why we were keeping it small- and she clung to that. A few days after she and I talked I got this text:

“We both want to be there for you and (my fiancé) in (place it’s happening) for you wedding. We’ve already budgeted for it for the year. We’ll make the timeline work with our stuff. He says don’t worry about our costs for after party expenses. You’re important to me and it’s important where there for this big life event. We love you both! I’m already looking at tickets and train and lodging. Send me more details as you get them. We’re going to be there.”

I was panicking and said: “Don’t book anything yet, we haven’t booked anything yet. But I will keep you updated. (Stalling) Did you talk to him about what I told you? Even my little sisters fiancé wasn’t invited? It’s people we only know really well. Not that I don’t want to get to know him but it’s an elopement with just a few of our closest people. Honestly my heart is racing right now.”

Maybe what I should have said is “no, you misunderstood, he is not welcome for the after events or the weekend it’s only to be people I am close to and my fiancé is close to.” But that’s not what I said.

She responded “We won’t book yet, I was looking stuff up for price estimates. Yes, he said he’d sit out for the ceremony or reception if that’s the concern, it’s more about traveling and being together. He’s been to weddings where his partners weren’t invited, he gets it. We’re paying for ourselves. Standing room only, no problem. We need to eat before and just sit around, that’s ok too. We want to be there to celebrate you and (fiancé) and your love.” I didn’t respond for over a week then texted- “can we schedule a phone call to talk about my wedding I think I need to clarify some things.”

It’s the ceremony, the photos after (we’re all going to multiple places) and the meal after, and anything we do while we are in the location as a group for the days before and after my wedding- it’s a special time to me, and I only want people I’m close to for this event in my life. Am I the ass hole? If I’m not the ass hole, how would you say “no” to the boyfriend? Help!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Same_Snow_2388 on 2024-01-15 11:16:57+00:00.

I 31F got married last year and wore my mom’s wedding veil to include her on my special day.

She passed away a few years ago, and when we went through her stuff we found her wedding dress, wedding veil amongst some other possessions.

She was my stepmom, but my dad married her when I was 3 and growing up she had always been my mom. My dad and her had my half sister Annie 17F.

We have a pretty big age gap so me and Annie aren’t super close, but when we discovered our mom’s wedding stuff, Annie said she wanted the dress and I said I’d take the veil then.

My friend Lily, who came to my wedding, was getting married soon and asked me if she could borrow my veil, as they are getting married on a tight budget and she really likes mine, but it’s not in her price range. As the veil is mine and not Annie’s, I didn’t ask her and lent it to Lily.

After the wedding, Lily posted pictures of her and the bridesmaids (including me) and I reposted it on my social media. Annie called me and blew up at me on the phone as she recognised the veil and said that it was her moms stuff, not my mum’s, and I shouldn’t have lent it out without asking her. I hung up on her.

In hindsight I could have handled the phone call a bit better and I should have at least informed Annie, but when she pointed out that my mom was my stepmom and her actual mum I got upset.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Green_Box7827 on 2024-01-15 08:46:21+00:00.

Over the summer, 6 to 8 months ago, a large group of people, people who I am mostly friends with, started organizing a cruise for March. I was asked to go by numerous people from the group. Another friend, who I have cruised and vacationed with multiple times in the past also at this same time frame started talking about wanting to do a cruise in March and wanted me to come.

I said, great if you want to do a cruise in March, a lot of people are going on this cruise, (They would also know some of the people, but not as many as I do) take a look at it. They immediately dismissed the cruise said, no absolutely not. Not my kind of cruise, not good dates, blah blah blah, any excuse. So, I say okay, well I’ve already told several other people I am not cruising with them in March, so if you want to go on a cruise in March that isn’t this one… count me out. Because I am not going to tell them no and you yes.

Weeks… months go by, people from the larger cruise keep asking me to go. I keep declining I am not going to pick between the different 2 March cruises. Now since Tuesday of this week, I’ve been home sick… Friday night at 9:00pm, I get a text… that friend tells me they just found an amazing cruise… they are booking, a few other friends are also booking right meow… gotta act NOW! They tell me the dates… I coyly ask… what’s the name of the boat?

Yeah… you guessed it… same boat… same dates as the Cruise I’ve been telling them about for months that they outright dismissed without even a second thought on no less than 3 or 4 occasions. Now I have an imposed deadline of less than 12 hours, because they already told the travel agent I was going and my room was being held until the morning. So, sick and in bed I have to pull a trigger to jump on the cruise I’ve told a dozen and a half other people I wasn’t going on. Because this other friend independently found it and all of a sudden it sounds amazing.

So, what do I do? Nothing I just go and take another nap and miss this imposed deadline. I am not going to rush into this commitment just because they found the same cruise, I’ve told them about for months! Now Sunday night I am feeling much better and get no response from this other friend about anything.

AITA for not jumping at this in the time frame they wanted?

I’ll probably end up booking anyway, because now both of my friends’ groups are going… but I am also scared there is going to be a tug of war over who I am going to hang out with since this other friend prefers smaller groups and less interaction while the much larger group is much more inclusive.