Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RiceCommon3555 on 2024-01-15 08:42:45+00:00.

Crazy title, I(18m) know. ‘Leah’(18f) used to bully me. Called me a wimp and loser, telling me I’m pathetic because of how short and small I am for a guy. Never got physical but there was plenty of verbal attacks.

And then something happened. She got 11/25 on an essay and everyone else in our small literature class(8 students) said it was her fault for not taking things seriously. I felt kinda bad for her since I was that person at one point - I got a humiliating 10/25 at the beginning of the course before working my way up. I just felt sorry for her cause I knew what it’s like.

So I gave her some support, told her not to be too hard on herself. Said that she could improve if she worked hard. Told her she is smarter than she thinks.

She stopped bullying me after that and started being nice, even coming over once. My mom is convinced she likes me now and said that I should ask her out. I told her about the past bullying and said that Leah is probably only being nice out of guilt and because I was nice to her when she needed it.

Mom, though, got this idea that Leah liked me from the start and only realized it after I was nice to her. She insisted that girls bully boys they like. That was when I said she was crazy for this idea. My mom looked hurt and said I didn’t have to call her crazy - that I could have just said no again and made it really clear for her.

UPDATE : I just talked to Leah ten minutes ago. Casually brought up that my mom thinks she has a crush on me. She said that she used to look down on me before I was nice to her but isn’t sure how she feels right now. Then she asked if we could have coffee together, so we’re going to get some coffee and see how it goes.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jelly_Pie_Lol on 2024-01-15 05:58:25+00:00.

I (27M) recently had a conversation with my best friend (26F) of 8 years on WhatsApp. She admitted that my new relationship with my girlfriend of 2 months has affected her. We used to text every day and meet once a week, but the frequency has decreased, making her feel neglected.

She also told me that she feels that our friendship is becoming one-sided because it is now usually her taking the initiative to text me, but the fact is, I am going through a lot now, juggling between work, relationship and study. She put me on the spot, asking if the relationship has put her on a lower priority list. I admitted so because of the title 'girlfriend,' and she was hurt.

I still love (platonically) and care about my best friend, and I wish she didn't ask this question as my answer might burn bridges. I understand her attachment due to our amazing times together and the challenges we faced in college, and we were always there for each other (she sees me as a brother and I see her as a sister).

It seems she feels betrayed by my new relationship, and me admitting that my girlfriend is a higher priority has worsened the situation as she has stopped texting me. I wouldn't have shared that if she hadn't asked. I feel that she may be overthinking about this friendship situation, just because I prioritize my gf over her doesn't mean I don't care about her, I will always care about my dear friend. It will be a shame to lose my BFF like that, and I'll find a way to rekindle our friendship again.

AITA for admitting that my girlfriend is a higher priority than my best friend now?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Decent_Tangerine_718 on 2024-01-15 04:01:49+00:00.

It’s my 35th birthday. Last year I got upset with my (m34) boyfriend because he didn’t get me a card. This year we discussed doing the birthday right and planning a trip, getting a nice gift, and a card. It was on me to book the trip but by the time I went to book it everything was sold out. Which was a bummer and had me pretty upset all week. So ultimately we decided to do a one night stay in the Florida keys. The night before we were going I asked him to not forget about the card. I also requested he put some thought into a message instead of just signing his name.

This morning when we were supposed to be heading out he said “I’ll be back in a bit I have to go on your birthday mission to get card and flowers”. I was annoyed bc I wanted to be on the road and figured he should have taken care of this sooner. I was hysterical crying when he left and when he got back he noticed I was upset. He brought back ugly flowers and a smoothie I like and a card.

I open the card and it really read like ChatGPT wrote it. I was so upset. I asked him about it and he owned up to it.

We got into a huge fight - him saying that he thought I wanted a longer note and he isn’t used to writing long letters and it was still heartfelt. The fight just went from bad to worse as I tried to explain that it’s hurtful he couldn’t take 5 minutes to develop something on his own. He “hacked” my card.

We didn’t end up going to the keys. I begged and begged to still go but he refused saying I pushed him to his breaking point and he didn’t wanna be in the car w me.

We spend the afternoon separated and came back for dinner which was awkward and not fun.

am I the asshole for getting so mad at him for this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hopeful-cheese9774 on 2024-01-15 05:55:57+00:00.

Throw away account. I (34f and first generation) have never had a good relationship with my parents. I'm the second oldest and have 8 other siblings. I was semi forced to leave home at a young age (culturally married).

My parents disowned me after I initiated divorce (30f) and left my husband that I was married to at a young age. It was a very tumultuous marriage, with many fights. For me it got to the point of get out and live or stay and die. My parents were against the divorce because being married symbolized success and a divorced female is treated and viewed as second class citizen. (The mentality is she couldn't hold her marriage together so she is useless and unworthy). The night before my divorce was finalized, my parents came over to lecture me and I held firm to my decision. Once they saw that I was not changing my mind, they told me that from then on I am dead to them and that they will no longer acknowledge me as their daughter and that I have brought shame and disgrace to them and the family. They started berating me and then pointed their fingers at my kids said to them it was their fault and they're bad kids. I was livid and kicked them out of my house and told them that I'm not the one who needs them and they are the ones who needs me. It has been 5 years since.

Just within the past 6 months they have been calling me and leaving me voice-mails asking for money or for help on other things. (For context, I have supported them financially as a young adult up to my divorce as it was the filial thing to do).

I dont respond to theirs calls or texts as they have proven themselves over and over again that they only reach out to me when they need something.

Last night,, the weather got really cold (below zero) and my mom texted me that their furnace and thermostat is not working and they need me to go take a look at it. I didn't answer or respond. She called me three times and also left voicemessages that I have not listened to. I wanted them to get a taste of their own medicine ( not being there for me when I needed them most). I don't know if they ever did get it fixed. I never heard anything from my other siblings so I assume the issue was fixed for my parents.

As much as I dislike my parents (in their early 60s), I can't help but feel guilty and bad for not responding or assisting them with things, particulary last night as the weather is really cold now. I keep going back and forth on this subject as I also feel that I don't owe them anything.

My older sister thinks I'm being petty and very much an asshole for ignoring my parents all these years , and that i should have forgiven them by now. She tells me I'm being an ass because I'm the sibling that lives closets to our parents so i should have went to check on them last night. I just can't find it in my heart to forgive them and being around them literally gives me ptsd and anxiety. My parents are toxic and I don't want to ever talk to them or see them again.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PandaStacheHeifer on 2024-01-15 03:04:08+00:00.

I (32, F) have been married to my husband (33, M) for 11 years and I have always done something to celebrate my husbands birthday. From surprise parties, to just dinner and cake. No matter what, I’ve planned for him. But. In 11 years of marriage, he has never once done anything for my birthday. He states that it’s hard for him to plan because it’s right after three major holidays/events which is Christmas, Our anniversary (it’s in January and I usually plan something), and Valentines Day (Which we stopped celebrating because I was the only one that did anything for him). I told my husband that this year, I would like to go out alone on my birthday. I had made some plans for myself, gonna get my hair done, get a tattoo, go see a movie and pick up a cake for myself.

My husband got upset with me. Said that I should let him plan something but I told him that he’s had 11 years to plan something and has never done anything whereas I’ve planned something for his birthday every year…I don’t want to get my hopes up again just to be let down. He then said I was acting like a bitch and left the house to his buddies place, to cool down.

So am I the asshole??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Altruistic-Piccolo52 on 2024-01-15 02:34:07+00:00.

Edit 4: I'll be heading out now to catch up on a series I read. Thank you everybody for your judgements, aside from the weirdo who said I should call everybody the N word. I'm not sure why that pointless comment is still there.

Edit 3: My family has asked me to take down this post, and they say they're upset that I didn't tell them I have autism. However, I'm getting very insightful responses so I'll be keeping this post up. I do agree with the vast majority of comments that I'm not particularly obligated to tell anybody anything about me no matter how close I feel to them. However, it's not something I do on purpose. I just don't think to tell people things sometimes.

Edit 2: Thank you everybody for your responses. Somebody asked if I have autism. I do, but it's not something I particularly advertise. If my family asked if I had autism, I'd say yes. If my friend asked if I was black, I'd say yes. I can understand her being surprised about my background since I have absolutely no black features despite my DNA test saying I'm about 40% African with the rest being white and a smidge of indigenous.

Edit: My brother found this somehow and had this to say: "It doesn't matter how AITA feels. They don't know you like we do. You have a big problem with communication and if everybody in the real world thinks you're in the wrong, it's because you are. Reddit isn't real life."

I (25M) am biracial but pass for white. I have pale skin, B1 dirty blond hair, and overall, don't look black at all. I've never spoken about being biracial because it never occurred to me that I need to. It's not something I ever think about.

However, in the 9th grade, I made a black friend. We'd always been very close, but I never talked about my background or anything because it, again, didn't occur to me to. So she'd never been over to my house or anything. She was back in town, so I invited her over to catch up. She got along great with my family, but also took me aside and tell me she didn't "see that coming." I asked her what she meant, and she said she didn't know I was black. I told her I didn't really think to tell her in advance that I'm black, and she said, "I mean, it's kind of a weird thing to not tell your best friend." I told her that I just don't tell people a lot of things in general, and she said she'd like if I opened up about myself more and that I could trust her. I said, once again, that I just didn't think to tell anybody. She said goodbye to all of us, and I asked my family who was in the wrong. They all sided with her, and said that if I consider her my best friend, I need to tell her these things.

AITA? I'm an INTJ so I tend to not really talk about myself. I'm not ashamed to be black; I just don't see the point in talking about my genetics to random people.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Legitimate_Limit_325 on 2024-01-15 02:05:55+00:00.

My ex and I have a fragile relationship but we've been getting along better mostly because we don't talk a lot. Our 10yo son is with him this week.

Yesterday my son texted me saying his dad had been sleeping all day and wouldn't wake up. He was worried because they go to the beach every Saturday morning to collect sea shells and then go out to breakfast. I told him to try to wake him up and pass the phone to him. He tried and his dad wouldn't wake up. I told him to pull his hair and yell in his ear.

Nothing.

I then told him to call 911 because maybe his dad was having a medical emergency. I said I'd come right over. The police were there first and my ex started to come to. The ambulance came and I overheard that his blood pressure was 185 over 125. I asked if they meant 125 over 185 and they said no, 185 over 125. He was rushed to the hospital where they stabilized him and he was released today.

He called me to say he'd pick up our son tomorrow to resume his custody week and how dare I bring the police into his house and going through his shit. I told him you could had died. He said he's never had health issues in his life, goes to the gym four days a week, eats decently and doesn't even drink coffee. He would had gotten better with a bit of sleep and I fucked up his weekend. Then he said don't ever come in his house again or call the cops because he slept in one day in his life. If I was concerned then I could had called his brothers not the "SWAT" team to pull him out of bed naked.

I didn't say anything to him. He's making it out like I overstep my boundaries

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Professional_Self137 on 2024-01-14 23:32:26+00:00.

Yesterday we had a very busy day so today we ended up sleeping in a little. Today after I'm up and just relaxing he tells me he wants to invite everyone in his family over for a cookout I mean parents, aunts, uncles, etc.

I told him it's not that I don't want them over it's just that I would much rather know at least one day before so I can clean the house and prep!

I hadn't cleaned the house yet, we didn't have any groceries at home. Money is tight so I can barely even afford to buy food for everyone for a cookout. Aside from that, I had no snacks or fruit or drinks to offer an entire family.

And my husband can't cook at all. He can grill but any sides or extras he's basically volunteering me to do it all.

We talked about it and now he's in a horrible mood saying I don't ever want to see anyone and his family doesn't care about a clean house. But I do. Now he's giving me the silent treatment and like a child now won't eat anything else today or do anything.

Anyway....AITA for this??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_NotYourBank on 2024-01-14 22:10:55+00:00.

Me (F39), Cousin Lisa (F49), Lisa’s daughter Becky (31) and Becky’s husband Teddy (31). B and T have three kids, 13 and under.

Lisa has never held a job for more than a year and a half to maybe two years ever. Becky and Teddy are in pretty much the same boat. They got pregnant pretty young and relied a lot on family and friends to get them going financially, to provide for their first daughter and now their two other kids, get them a car, etc. Becky has been a stay at home mom while Teddy has worked jobs spanning from a receptionist at a Veterinarian’s, a cell phone salesman, a DoorDash driver, a social media coordinator for a local pet store, a customer care representative at a call center, a pastry chef, and a payroll coordinator. Every single time he’s mysteriously let go or he quits because it’s a toxic work environment or the schedule isn’t working out or something - this has been going on for the entire decade plus Becky and Teddy have been a couple.

When B and T were kids (teens to early twenties), I often contributed to their “fundraisers” online or donated household stuff, furniture, and sent them reasonably expensive gifts and cash for holidays and birthdays.

However, I’m at the point where the constant GoFundMe asks, CashApp posts and other asks for donations on their Facebook and Instagram is not something I want to participate in. These two were at a Taylor Swift concert in Vegas earlier this year, and were literally posting the last day of the trip for donations to pay the hotel because they didn’t realize there would be taxes.

A few days ago was the latest GoFundMe request which Teddy posted alongside an eviction notice from their apartment complex and a notification that his car payment is past due. This is on the heels of selling their multiple television sets, video game systems, and a whole bunch of Marvel and other collectibles and memorabilia.

Usually I give them something, but I don’t want to anymore. Then Lisa texted me the payment link, following up to make sure I had seen it because, normally, I am one of the top contributors. I said that I hope things get better but I wouldn’t be donating this time. Lisa picked and picked until I said I didn’t feel like the money I was giving B and T was doing anything other than floating them until their next crisis and I didn’t feel like I was actually doing any long-term good. This turned into her telling me I should have said something sooner because I’ve set the precedent that I give them something when they ask so they’re “relying on me.”

I guess it HAS been a precedent set, but I didn’t think that past behavior obligated me further. But now I don’t know and Lisa and I are on the outs. I haven’t spoken to either B or T, but I’m assuming they share the same opinion. So AITA?

AITA for habitually giving in the past, setting a precedent that I’ll do so, and then suddenly stopping? Do I owe my cousins a warning?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LaurenHayleyAshley on 2024-01-14 16:03:03+00:00.

So my brother (B; 31) and I (33) have had a weird relationship, sometimes in NC, sometimes talking... we went for a few years without talking, and over the last 2-3 years we have reconnected and our relationship is (was) better than ever.

My partner (well, now fiance; F) and I bought a house last year and we moved in together along with his daughter (22) and my B has been visiting a bit. A few months ago he came down for a weekend and ended up staying 3 weeks...

*side note - both me and my F suffer quite extreme anxiety, he is more social (we're talking panic attacks... both of us)*

My parents also came down the week before to help clean, set up, see the wedding venue etc. They were all leaving the day after the party. So in total, we had my B here for a month, and my parents here also for the last week of that.

B had a little tantrum when my parents arrived as he didn't want to leave our guest bedroom he had been staying in. We have a day bed in our rumpus room for him, but he thought it was unfair for them to kick him out when he had been there for 3 weeks already. He eventually conceded and ended up really liking the day bed.

F had stated to me and my parents how much he was looking forward to having the house to ourselves again after such a long time. I love that he can be honest like that and that my parents appreciate it too. They totally understand that and also that it does not mean we don't enjoy and appreciate having them here and helping us - but we just need our own time too.

The party ended earlyish (8 pm). Me, F and B jumped in our spa towards the end and while we were in there F asked him what time he was leaving the next day (just a general conversational question), which B responded to by asking "actually, I was hoping to stay another night". F (unsurprisingly) said as politely as possible, that its been a busy month and we really need some time to ourselves now. He only has a few weeks left before work starts again (he's a high school teacher), and its not personal, but does he mind still leaving the next day as planned. I didn't say anything, i let him talk, and my bro seemed fine with this (at first). However, I soon realized later that he was not. He barely spoke to me that night, and the next day he left (not early either mind you, 11 am) without saying goodbye, thankyou, anything! He walked straight past F who was just outside cleaning up, said nothing, then past me (I was in my office working - with the door open), and out to the car. I watched, hoping he would come back to say goodbye... but he left.

So... aita for not letting him stay an extra night?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glad_Animator_3407 on 2024-01-14 13:10:43+00:00.

Me (29f) and my husband (29M) have a beautiful 1 year old daughter.

Backstory: A year before we had our daughter, we lived 2 hours away from each other. When I fell pregnant, we moved into my husbands place. I'm very family orientated, with 3 younger sisters who I adore and are my best friends. Last year, when I had our baby, my husband and I moved elsewhere (2 hours from his upbringing/family, 4 hours from mine).

I went back to work when my daughter was 5 months. My MIL travels two hours each week to and from us, to look after my daughter for 2 days a week. My husband minds our daughter the other 3 days.

My mum has 3 kids under 15, with the youngest 2 being 8 and 11 - so she's unable to drive 4 hours to babysit obviously. However, without asking, she's happily offered to babysit at her place and come and stay with us during school holidays (12 weeks each year) to mind our daughter. Coming up to the holidays, it was agreed my family would spend Christmas and new years with us - and leave on 3rd Jan. on the 4th jan, I took my daughter to see my MIL, as I understood she would've missed her.

Current issue: for two weeks (8th-19th jan) work is extremely busy and I need either my mum or MIL here helping me with meals & looking after my baby. Obviously I would prefer it to be my mother as I don't spend time with her during the year - BUT I asked my MIL first if she wanted to come and babysit during those two weeks. She said no, so I asked my mum to (who said yes).

It's the start of the second week and this morning my husband asked me if he could go take our daughter to see his mum. I was shocked and so hurt. (My mum barely gets to spend time with her and you want to take her away from me and my mum??)

My husband doesn't like me spending more than 2 nights away from him, and as mentioned above, with the four hours distance and my mum having younger kids with school/sporting commitments my mum only sees our daughter during school breaks, compared to my MIL who sees her weekly in the school term. Because of this, my husband believes my MIL needs to see her more because she misses her and is more of a grandmother to our daughter.

My husband thinks I'm trying to hurt my MIL or play games with his mum/my MIL. I've told him that she can come stay with us next week, after my family leave.

He thinks that his mum/my MIL deserves to see our daughter because she looks after her 2 days a week.

AITA for thinking my MIL can wait until next week to see our daughter?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AdmirableResponse649 on 2024-01-15 08:41:14+00:00.

So people are giving me a hard time with my choices and I'm getting sick and tired of it. I am currently working on a project, a film to be exact that requires the use of some christmas lights. I have some left over already from christmas that I still have left on my house. I decided to keep those lights up and on since I am trying to finish up on a film that I'm working on. The film is an action thriller that is set around christmas and it requires christmas lights to be left up and on, on the exterior of my home. I told my parents to keep it up for me but they are telling me that we probably need to take it down before the HOA gives us more problems. They told me that if I don't do it then the HOA will send the police to come and take down the lights. I told them that they better not touch it if they don't want hell to raise. I went to the HOA president's house and I gave him a piece of my mind saying that I don't give a flying f*** about his policies and I told him that if he were to touch my lights then I will r** his f***** head off of his shoulder. He called the cops on me and about 4 deputies came to my house and confronted me about what I said. They said that they wanted to arrest me and they were talking to the HOA president to see if he wanted to press charges. Apparently the HOA president told them that he is going to let it slide if I were to comply and take it down. I said fine to them but in reality, I am not taking it down and I'm standing my ground on this. AITA for saying that to the HOA president ??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aitagrievingfriend on 2024-01-15 08:31:28+00:00.

My (24M) best friend (25M) recently lost his girlfriend unexpectedly and has became a shell of his former self. He's spent the last while hiding away or not talking to us, having us do welfare checks on him a few times.

A few days ago, me, my gf (24F) and other friend (23F) went to his house to check up on him. He let us in and we were just talking about how was doing and catching up like old times. He talked about how he was coping with his girlfriends death, one of them being he sent her a text as a final farewell, hoping she would read it in the afterlife. I won't sugarcoat it, I was weirded out but my gf and our other friend thought it was nice of him to do that. I just told him that it was a bit weird to do that and he wasted a text for someone who isn't here anymore. He got defensive and called me an arsehole for telling him how he should grieve and that it's helping him cope with her loss.

I told him I understood but that it was pointless to send it because she won't reply. My gf and our other friend stopped me before I could say any more, he told us to leave and told me I was a gatekeeping prick. As we left, my gf told me that I went too far and said I shouldn't tell people how to grieve. I defended myself by telling her the same thing I told him, it was pointless to waste a text on someone who won't reply. She just left and said we'll talk later. Other friend just told me I was a dick and left.

I tried texting them but they've all left me on read and won't talk. Did I really go too far?

AITA

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Basis_2261 on 2024-01-15 08:30:25+00:00.

I met a girl through some mutual friends last semester. We ended up having a long conversation one night after a party, until the sun rose, and in this conversation she divulged a lot of her personal issues and insecurities about her appearance, her fears of not being enough in a relationship, and so on. She remarked how good I was at understanding her, but the reason I was able to are these are fairly run of the mill insecurities and fears a lot of girls I know have had, so really I just understood on the basis of having heard the same fears so many times before.

Anyhow, since then she's been attached to me because she feels I understand/see her on a deeper level than everybody, and in her eyes that means the two of us have some special bond.

I've tried politely letting her know multiple times I wasn't interested, but she kept insisting, to the point of trying to enlist mutual friends to help 'convince' me and to find out personal info about me, so I finally told her bluntly what I said above: that I didn't understand her and know what to say due to some preordained or special connection, but because she is incredibly basic and predictable and I've had that exact conversation so many times in the past.

She called me a huge AH, and our mutual friends are torn on this. I think she should have taken a polite no for an answer instead of continuing to bother me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Direct-Commission645 on 2024-01-15 08:20:22+00:00.

Yesterday I encountered a situation with a friend that left me confused and irritated.

Context: We are both students in mid twenties, we know each other for about two years through studying together but started hanging out more (about 3-4 times per week) around three month ago. I'm a male, she is a lesbian, rather boyish sometimes but also quiet sensitive. (I'm mentioning that to indicate that we might have different social upbringings, and also no love/sexual tensions) We tend to talk about serious stuff like issues with our families or relationship stuff, but also joke around and chill. But our friendship is also kind of based around bonding over relationship issues with ex partners and family and being in therapy. So we both know that we are somewhat sensitive but I felt that there is a trust in each other to be well meaning towards another. That's something I now feel insecure about.

Situation: yesterday we were hanging out, and she recorded a selfie video of herself making funny faces. It was really funny and we both laughed at the result. We both laughed really hard, but she continued laughing even after my laughter had subsided. I take no issue with that, but I found it amusing in itself, to see her laughing at her own joke so hard. So I wanted to tease her jokingly saying :" sometimes you really find yourself quite funny eh?;)". I meant it in a friendly banter kind of way and I thought I expressed that through my tone of voice. But something didn't came across right, and she became quiet and stopped laughing. She then said that I kinda killed her moment with that comment and that it was mean. I replied that I didn't meant to, I just wanted to poke a bit of fun. I wanted to add to the fun, not kill it.

The problem: so, until that point it was a bit uncomfortable but manageable between friends. And I can understand that it came across wrong, and I'm willing to learn what I can say in a teasing way without hurting her. Because I obviously don't want that. But my issue know is, that she then told me that I sometimes say mean things that are not fun for other people but just for me. And she really said it in a way that of "you sometimes say mean things to people for your own amusement and you should really change that. You were being mean and what you said was meant to be mean even if it was concealed as teasing." And that something that bothers me. Because I can understand if there was a misunderstanding and in poked fun at something that is sensitive to her. I don't want that and I am open to learn about it.

But it really bothers me that she was then making this general statement about how I am being mean for my own amusement. Because I find it hard to not see that as a serious issue in my personality, if that would prove to be true. I was making fun, and it didn't came across the right way. I can live with that and learn from it.

But when a friend really sees me as a person so egoistic that I make mean jokes just for my own amusement, I would rather step away from that friendship, because then I don't see the point why she would be friends with me. Also it makes me insecure about if she is right. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/kateve1826 on 2024-01-15 08:15:48+00:00.

I work at a hardware, and occasionally drive my pickup to work. Quite often I am asked by our forklift driver to move my vehicle so that they can move stock from inside the store outside, perfectly valid reason so I try not to park in the areas where I know he'll ask me to move. Today however, one of my co-workers who sits facing the door asks me to move my pickup because I've parked it nearby the door and the sun is reflecting off the windshield and blinding her. I told her I wouldn't move it for such a ridiculous reason, and besides, most of the rest of the parking was taken. Also, the sun will soon change direction and it will stop blinding her. She is now quite unhappy with me and even said she will tell my manager about my being unhelpful. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hit_it_while_its_hot on 2024-01-15 08:11:50+00:00.

Visited family after long time and we all planned to meet for dinner. Before meeting, my cousin kept saying jokingly but nudgingly that the dinner is gonna be my treat to everyone, there was no occasion other than me visiting them. I said no, saying I am just coming to meet everyone for good time and i don’t consider this my treat. Then she dropped it when i stopped responding. Now we (about 15+) finally met for dinner and when the bill came, nobody offered to pay until my husband finally felt bad for the waiter just holding the bill and asked if he can pay by card. The waiter said they dint accept card, we can pay by google pay or cash, we dont have google pay so he again waited for others if they would say something, nothing. Then he paid in cash, fine, done, i said whatever I’ll just forget about this. But then it bugged me how cleverly they made us pay and never asked about the split either. So i later messaged my cousins about the split and asked like 5 times before they actually paid.

Now this alone might not make me an AH, but the fact that I was visiting from a different country, was i supposed to pay for us all? If yes, why? I’m not that close to them, we talk maybe once or twice a year and had met to just catch up.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pure-Will-7887 on 2024-01-15 08:04:09+00:00.

I, 25F, am part of a friend group with a girl, 24F. We dont see each other alone, always in our group, but we have known each other for 9-10 years. Our history is a bit complicated, we started out as best friends in high school, but she, at that time, suddenly turned on me and became quite an awful towards me for a few years. After that she calmed down and became part of my friend group again and we see each other a few times a year and are invited to each others big events. Years after high school she got into the school of my dreams, she didnt even want it initially but she got in. It took me 3 more years of trying before I finally got in too. Two years ago she had a child, got pregnant the first month trying. My husband and I started trying at the same time, but now two years later we still have no children, we have suffered multiple miscarriges and are going through very draining fertility treatments. She just welcomed her second child, also concieved first month trying. Throughout the years I have texted her multiple times a month asking her how she is doing, congratulating her on every small and big event, takling about her life She on the other hand has not asked me about my life or how I am doing even once. Today she is graduating, she will bring her newborn baby and older son. It is a two hour drive for me to be there at the schoo l (which is also my school, im just two years behind) I just cant show up, its so far away and I am having a very hard time in my life, and she has every thing I am fighting so hard for. Am I the asshole and a bad friend?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Worktoohard101 on 2024-01-15 08:00:50+00:00.

My (46F) and my BF (51M) have known each other for several years, started dating a few weeks ago. I’ve been mostly single since we met, he is newly single.

His friend group has this tradition of going away on vacation once a year in the late winter together, with the partners as well, and each year one person gets to pick where and all the activities for their birthday. Soon after we started dating, he asked me to join them this year. Says it’s usually about a $2,000 trip each, and that I would have to pay for myself.

Thing is…I don’t want to go. First, I’m a single Mom and and I can’t afford $2,000 for a trip. I told him, “yeah I’d love to go but I don’t think I can afford it, and I’d have to get my passport.”

He replied, “well, get your passport and see what you can do.”

He told everyone in the friend group I was going. He is so excited to go and I don’t want to go. Not just the money but the thought of having zero freedom in a trip away isn’t my cup of tea.

I would have to borrow money or use money from a tax refund. With inflation I barely have enough to cover my bills. He’s upset with me that I haven’t gotten my passport yet. I explained to him that I had to wait to get paid.

AM I THE A for not wanting to go in trip? I feel like I am. I feel that I should have said “no” right at the beginning.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRALeane123 on 2024-01-15 08:00:08+00:00.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a bit over three years now. When we started dating she always mentioned how much she loved when I bought her flower bouqets, and she loved having fresh flowers in her apartment. So about 4 months into the relationship I decided to sign up for a flower subscription service from our local florist that would deliver her a new bunch of flowers every fortnight. That way she would always have a fresh bouqet to display and if I forgot about it then it wouldn't matter.

The other day I was at her place helping her pack up her things since we were moving in together. In the middle of packing there's a knock on the door and someone is standing there holding flowers. Now like I said, I signed up for that over two and a half years ago and had since completely forgotten about it. So, when I saw him at the door I asked my girlfriend "Oooh who are the flowers from?" and she looked at me like I was asking something insane. I then quickly remembered and said something along the lines of "Oh yeah my subscriptiton!"

She seemed to get really offended that I had forgotten, and called me lazy. She said me signing up for that was just a cop out so that I wouldn't have to put any thought into remembering to buy her flowers. She said she thought it was a romantic gesture but now realises that it was just me taking the easy way up to keep up the facade of thoughtfulness.

I set up the subscription out of my own will because I knew how much she loved having fresh flowers and it was a way to ensure she always had the flowers there even if I were to forget. I forgot about it, but she was still getting her flowers every fortnight, and the alternative would have been me forgetting about it and her only having fresh flowers on more special occassions, like fancy dates, anniversaries, birthdays etc. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MMa5244 on 2024-01-15 07:57:39+00:00.

I have a coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, who is planning on getting married later this year. I consider her a close friend of mine. She frequently shares wedding stuff with me ie things that she’s purchased, dress ideas etc which I am more than happy to hear about. However, last week she informed me that she is inviting a couple, we will call them Mike and Sally, to her wedding. Mike and Sally aren’t friends with her “they just have the same group of friends” according to my coworker. I truly don’t care about who she invites to her celebration as it’s her special day. My problem is that Mike and Sally have spent the last year and a half harassing and threatening me and my family. They have 2 adult children who also include themselves in it. We’ve called the police on them many times and my coworker acknowledges that this is an issue and has actively attempted to convince me into pressing charges against them. One of Mike and Sally’s grown children is dating an estranged relative of ours that we haven’t spoken to in years but other than that we have nothing to do with these people, and when we’ve asked about it before we’ve just been threatened or insulted. These are people who prefer to solve problems physically fighting versus discussion. But as it stands we have no clue why we’re the targets. AITA if I rsvp to the wedding ceremony but tell my friend that we won’t be there for the celebration afterwards? I’m sure she will be upset but I cannot bring myself to go and have to watch my back the whole time or ,god forbid, have some sort of altercation as I wouldn’t put it past these people. My friend assured me that we would be seated across the room- which isn’t soothing to me at all. Please help!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Interesting_Ear_4380 on 2024-01-15 07:50:58+00:00.

I am in the middle of house-hunting and every Saturday, I spend the first half of the day going to inspections.

Currently I’m in a situation where I have half a year to find a place, but since it’s my first time in the housing world of things I really wanted to spend more time sinking my teeth into all the business, figuring things out and understanding everything.

Recently my partner has been following me to inspections, and I really appreciate him coming along. However, he brought this issue up to me recently because he noticed we were slowly going back into work and that we would have less time for ourselves again.

He suggested that I spend some Saturdays as couple time and some Saturdays to inspect houses. I had told him prior to him bringing it up that I did want to prioritise Saturday mornings to house-hunting as I felt like these times would be beneficial for me to take a look at places, maybe do some research etc. and at least I have the second half of the day free. I brought this up with him again.

He then later said that spending time house-hunting can get very challenging/tiring and that it already takes up half of the day so majority of the time is gone.

I told him that I understand how it does take up alot of time, however this feels like a very important and life-changing aspect that I should pour alot of my energy and time into, and that I can always spend time during Sat evenings and Sundays.

Afterwards he hesitantly implied that he was okay with me going to inspections and doing the house-hunting, but that he would prefer to have some more us time on Saturdays.

I feel slightly guilty that I might not be balancing time as well as I thought, but I do spend alot of time with him after work during the week and I stay over on weekends. AITA?

Edit: I accidently pressed enter in the middle of my text that’s why the autobot looks like that oops.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Didigotoofardad on 2024-01-15 07:40:23+00:00.

Throwaway

I (36M) have a son (15M) and a daughter (17F), and they've been friends with our neighbor who I'll call Ron. (17M) since childhood. Recently, my daughter and the Ron were hanging out with a friend, and they walked into our house as they left their friend's place. This is where the problem occured.

My son, who was at home with me, let out a big sigh after seeing Ron and asked why he was here. I was confused by what he meant. That's when my son vented about being tired of the Ron's constant presence and made hurtful comments about his sexuality(Ron is gay). It was shocking because my son had never expressed any issues with the neighbor before and had always been close to him.

Ron was visibly hurt and offered to leave, but I insisted he stay but he said It was okay and left anyway. My daughter and I were rightfully upset and I admit we were yelling. I asked what his problem was. He yelled back saying he couldn't help not wanting to be around the Ron all the time.

I tried being calm, asking my son why would he say something like that to Ron. At this point, my daughter had already left and went with Ron. My son refused to answer me and just kept saying he was sorry. I told him I'm not the one to be saying sorry too. I told him I raised him better than this and this made him cry.

In the heat of the moment, I made the decision to ground my son. I took away his phone, PS5, and all his electronics, leaving him with only the TV in his room without the remote. He started crying even more and begged me not to go through with it, but I stood firm, telling him he needed to apologize to the Ron the next morning.

Now, I'm conflicted. My daughter supports my decision but when I spoke to the Ron he suggested I let it go assuring me he would be okay. I think he might be right, I tried talking to my son again, but he is straight up refusing to talk to me and keep saying please leave him alone in a quiet tone. I don't think I'm in the wrong for grounding my son, but I'm wondering if I went too far, considering it's his first time saying something like this.

Am I the Asshole for the way I grounded him?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Emory7Claire on 2024-01-15 07:30:38+00:00.

I (24F) am getting surgery to remove several large cysts from my ovaries in a couple weeks. I've been having intense pelvic and intestinal pain for a long time now, and I got an ultrasound done a few months ago to see what was wrong. The scan revealed three cysts in my ovaries, one even measuring 9cm or about the size of a softball or grapefruit. My gynecologist recommended I get them removed and recommended a very good ovarian surgeon. Cysts can usually be left alone, but mine are so large that there's a risk of twisting my ovaries which could lead to me losing them.

Upon learning about this, my dad (61M) reached out to a colleague of a colleague of his who is a specialist on ovarian cysts in order to get a second opinion. He did this without my knowledge or permission, and gave this stranger information about my situation. My father told a strange man about my vagina without asking me beforehand. He also gave this doctor my personal contact information.

I was furious and had to explain to my father why it's a bad thing to tell strangers about his child's private organs without asking them beforehand. He defended himself and claimed he just wanted a second opinion and questioned the trustworthiness of my gynecologist and the surgeon she recommended. I understand that he was looking out for me, but he still violated my boundaries and a very personal and sensitive part of my body. It also made me feel like he didn't value my ability to make a decision about my own body as an adult. The idea of losing my ability to have my own children before I become old enough to decide if I want any scares me half to death. He just can't understand that.

The date for the surgery is fastly approaching, and my dad is planning to come to the hospital with me and my mom (62F). However, I don't want him there. I just want my mom with me. I haven't mentioned this to him or my mom yet. Am I the asshole for not wanting him there after what he did?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/More-Ad2267 on 2024-01-15 07:30:23+00:00.

I was observing a conflict between other friends, and confiding my concerns/worries to a neutral friend ("Kirk"). During this conversation, I shared a theory I had about one of the friends, and something they could have done. Kirk quickly dismissed my theory, saying it wasn't possible, it was inappropriate for me to even have that theory, and said it wouldn't come true at all. I was hurt by his response, especially as he didn't even know the friends that well, and I also felt deflated and like my thoughts were being dismissed/minimized.

I'm not proud of this, but I told Kirk "F" you and stopped responding. I acknowledge this was not the best response, but I was heated up and hurt because I had opened up to him and showed my vulnerability, only to be completely shot down even though he didn't know the people too well. Kirk has a tendency to have a very "black and white" way of thinking, very logical — which isn't a bad thing, but this situation was bothering me, as I was in the middle, and I needed support and validation. I also felt hurt because oftentimes I feel people don't take me seriously or listen to me.

I do feel really bad for the way I responded, though — I didn't insult him or anything, just basically said "F" you, said it was a mistake, and stopped responding. He's a good friend of mine, so I feel even more terrible. AITA?