Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RoutineMeat2729 on 2024-01-13 15:53:12+00:00.

I (16F) have a bad relationship with my stepmom. She’s treated me like garbage since she married my Dad and done things I can’t even talk about on this subreddit.

We were in Washington D.C. not too long ago and i had an allergic reaction to the body wash at the hotel. I had hives covering every single part of my body except my face, because i didn’t use it there. Every. Single. Part. It was painful and itchy and i was miserable. I also sometimes had a little bit of trouble breathing and had a fever.

I begged my parents to at least get me some Benadryl, anti itch cream, or find a fucking doctor, anything, but they said they didn’t feel like going out of their way to get some. I was forced to spend three days walking around like this and suffering before they finally got me anything. I still haven’t forgot it.

I wanted to sleep in today because I had a rough day yesterday. My arms ache from my Dance class at school because my teacher had me practicing catching the girls midair all period yesterday and i’m pretty sure i pulled something. My crush rejected me. I was up late studying for my AP class. So yeah, i wanted to sleep in. My mom wakes me up and says she’s having an allergic reaction and I need to do everything for her today.

I of course go to help, but then I look at her and can’t figure out what’s wrong. I ask her what the allergic reaction was. She says her face is swollen. I take a closer look and see that yeah, it’s a little swollen, but so little that I didn’t even notice at first. She says it’s not itchy or painful, just swollen. I get irritated and go back to bed and she starts screaming at me.

I brought up Washington D.C. and she says that it didn’t matter because I should have just sucked it up and that she really needed my help right now. We got into an argument and I refused to do her responsibilities for her. I told her that when I’m ready to get out of bed, I’ll do my chores and whatever I’m supposed to do (i’m required to do all the cleaning in the house btw).

Anyways, she’s furious now. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Brave_Influence2141 on 2024-01-14 10:44:25+00:00.

So this is my first Reddit post on here but I have got something to get off my damn chest😭😭 So basically rn, my mom (54F) and I (18F) are in vacation in Japan. My whole family is well aware of her narcissistic and entitled tendencies so I was already feeling a bit nervous being on vacation with her alone, but I tried to look past it because it's cool that I get to visit Japan!!! Anyways, i've been getting increasingly annoyed and embarrassed being with her here. It's as if she has NO social awareness and respect for the people here. She's the type to stop in the middle of a moving crowd to take photos, and guess what, she's done that SO many times here. I feel so embarrassed each time because I know that Japan is like a culture of respect so every time she does stuff like this, I just wanna hide, but she's the only person I "have" here, so, it's a bit difficult to simply ignore her. Another incident- We were at this store shopping for boots, and when she wanted to check for sizes, she just approached the sales lady from the back and rudely asked "This one do you have M" with like NO "excuse me" or whatever, and in a very mean tone😭 Moreover, when the lady finished assisting us, she didn't even say thank you😭 she just walked away. After that, I called her out on being rude and disrespectful to the people here. I basically just asked her to SAY THANK YOU AND EXCUSE ME. She then replied with "Whatever. It doesn't matter. As long as I can buy stuff." 😁😁😁 Oh my god. I continued to call her out and she YELLEEDDDDD AT ME in the mall "THEN YOU DONT HAVE TO COME WITH ME. YOU'RE ALWAYS CRITICIZING ME" ... Ma'am you bought the tickets a year in advance. This trip is also my birthday trip😭 Oh yea, my dad was supposed to come with us, but he got hurt and cant walk, so he couldn't join us. Anyways now i'm like not talking with my mom. I already told my sisters about this and she said to just walk away and shop on my own and meet with my mom after like an hour or something- Yea I'll probs do that but like i'm scared to shop on my own but it'll probs be better than shopping with my mom😭 And now she's all pissy and mad at me for "ruining our vacation" AITA🤬❌❌

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Loud_Plastic8487 on 2024-01-14 10:32:31+00:00.

AITA? My daughter, 10, is quite messy! At Xmas I bought a load of Yankee candles and she asked if she could have 1 in her room. I said yes. After Xmas I seen that she had ruined it (melted a red crayon all over it?) I asked her about it while we were getting ready to go out for a family day out. I started by saying “(name) I’m a bit annoyed that you ruined that candle, it was expensive and also dangerous!” My husband interjected and said “I’m sick of your behaviour, I was in a good mood until this. Your behaviour is embarrassing and pathetic”. She was put out to be called out in front of people and didn’t reply. I took him aside and said “I don’t want to start an argument or ruin the day but I don’t agree with how you spoke to (name). We need to be careful how we talk to her in groups as it could effect her confidence ”. He told me I didn’t need to bring it up, that I’m always criticising him and that I’m ruining the day. We back and forthed until I left the conversation as I didn’t want the kids to hear. We arrived at a trampoline play area, the kids went off and he tried to start normal conversation. I gave half arsed replies because the situation wasn’t resolved and I was still annoyed about it. He told me I was ruining the day again and this was the second weekend I had ruined because of something like this.

After a few hours he mumbled a half arsed apology because he knew I wouldn’t talk properly until it had been resolved. Should I of just not said anything and let it slide? Was I too critical?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Stxry_mxth on 2024-01-14 10:27:47+00:00.

I was biking around our small neighborhood and accidentally hit a kitten. I wasn’t able to see where I was going since if I looked away from the road, there’s a chance I’ll fall into a canal. So, my neighbor said that I hit a kitten, and she saw it. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoOkra7651 on 2024-01-14 10:20:26+00:00.

TW: depression, mentions of death

A short backstory, I (18F) was raised by a single mother - my father left when I was 6 for another woman and we haven't been the same since. However, througout these years I seem to have become an outlet to talk about her problems to for my mother, our relationship has been very rocky, to say the least, which I will admit is both of our faults and not solely hers. She is honestly a bit abusive and have said some pretty harsh things to me (A few examples include her telling me to k/ll myself while knowing I was diagnosed w/ mdd, for not doing my laundry, once attempting to k/ll herself in front of me, telling me I'd be better off as a prostitute on the streets, etc, etc.)

So me and my bf (19M) plan on moving out next year once I hit 19, one of the main reasons are because I cannot handle my home life as I get yelled at on the daily for little things like accidentally leaving my clothes in the bathroom after showering. I have been keeping my mouth shut the past couple months now so as to not trigger an argument, so I've just been enduring her comments and it hurts so bad. She has admittedly done a lot for me, including but not limited to spending all her savings so I can have a good education and finding a psychiatrist for me so I can get antidepressants for my condition. However, there's only so many "you would be de/d without me" or "you are such a failure, you'd be better off de/d" comments one can take in a 24 hour time frame.

My bf and I have already planned most of it out, including financial budgeting and responsibilities in the household. We are looking at not only rent but also university tuition fees, and we both agreed to working several jobs if it comes to that.

So here's where I think I might've been TA. We knew we had to tell her eventually, so we sat her down today at the dinner table and slowly explained our plan to move out in a year or so. She didn't take it well and started bawling hysterically, saying things like "God will punish you for abandoning your mother like this" (yeah my mom is a hardcore Catholic), telling me how much she suffered to get to where we are now and how I will suffer more than I do with my depression now if I move out.

I am so conflicted right now. I feel horrible for her, I do. But I can't live like this anymore, getting told to d/e on the daily and then acting like everything's okay because it's the next morning. I'm so conflicted on how I can both appease her and stay happy, because I know she has sacrificed a lot for me as well despite her harsh words. Thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jolly-Marketing7118 on 2024-01-14 10:17:22+00:00.

I travel a lot for work so I rarely see my family. I try and get back to see them a couple of times a year. When I do get to town I like to take everyone out for supper at a nice restaurant.

Not a three star Michelin restaurant or anything like that. But still a pretty hefty price tag. The party would be myself, my parents, my sister, her husband, their two kids, my brother, his girlfriend, and their two kids. So 11 people all together.

The bill is usually between $600 - $1,000. It is a lot of money but I like to treat them. I look forward to seeing my nieces and nephews without their faces buried on a screen. They love going out to a fancy restaurant.

I don't know why but the whole thing irks my brother-in-law. I just found this out. He seems to think that I'm doing this to show off. I'm not. I have an uncle that helped me get started on my career that used to do this same thing when I was growing up. He went more extravagant as well. I remember one year he took our family, about 26 people to Disney World. That was thirty years ago but I imagine it wasn't cheap. He said it was our Christmas and birthday gift for the year. He lied because I still got a card with $50 in it twice that year.

I had a good year and this holidays I took everyone to a fairly expensive Steak House.

When the bill came my brother-in-law grabbed it and said he was paying this time. I said for him not to be crazy, I invited everyone out it was my treat. He insisted. I didn't want to cause a scene so I dropped it. When he looked at the bill he went a little white though. I had allowed all my nieces and nephews to bring along someone if they were dating. Three took me up on it so there were 14 of us. The bill was a little bit more than $2,000. Plus tip.

Call it $2,500 when everything was said and done. He paid it.

I went for coffee with my sister the next day. She didn't bring it up but I did. I said that I was not mad but a little upset that he had done what he did. She said she was mad because they didn't really have a spare $2,500 to waste. I was surprised at this so I asked her if she thought it was a waste for me to take everyone out. She apologized and said she was just angry that he blew a hole like that on their budget. I gave her $2,500. She looked like she was going to cry. I told her that I took everyone out because I am missing seeing them grow up. I miss seeing all the family stuff they get to do. I blow through town for a week and I just want good memories.

My brother-in-law called me later that day and said I was an asshole for letting him pay and then going behind his back with my sister. I told him I wasn't going to tell anyone about the money and that I wasn't trying to hurt him. They could just keep it on the down low.

I'm just wondering if I should have insisted on paying instead of letting him think he blew his family's grocery budget for a couple of months on one meal.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SubstantialSea840 on 2024-01-14 10:14:26+00:00.

My(31f) husband’s sister (35f) lives in a different country. During summer she came to visit us after five years. She came with her kids but her husband didn’t come to our house.

When I saw her, her hair was really really messy. I thought that it’s because of the long travel with two kids and thought nothing of it.

Then my husband sat her down and asked her why she hasn’t been coming home, why doesn’t she call much and why is she in such a state??. She broke down in tears and told us everything about how emotionally abusive her husband is. He doesn’t let her visit the hair dresser, doesn’t help with the kids then harasses her for not earning any money.

My husband got extremely angry but she stopped him from confronting her husband. She just put her head in my lap and cried for at least 2-3 hours. And then my MIL requested me if I would help her detangle SIL’s hair.

We both got to work. It took us about 6 days to detangle months of matted hair. Then I deep conditioned, straightened it and cut off quite a bit so that it is manageable for her. All this was at her own request. And MIL insisted that she must maintain this and never let her hair get matted ever again.

She is back to her country now. So me, my MIL and my husband call her everyday since 4months.

And she straightens her hair once every two weeks. Combs daily. Trims it herself. Is looking for a job and formulating an exit plan from the marriage.

Now yesterday I was visiting my parents and got on a call with SIL and she told me that she had an interview and I asked her whether she straightened her hair. She said yes and proudly showed my how she had styled it.

My younger sister (24f)was in the room and after I hung up she called me a racist asshole, colonial and whitewashed for asking someone to straighten her hair. I Couldn’t even reply to her as I was so stunned?

So aita?

Note: We are all Irani. But my husband, his sister and his mom have thick curly hair and this is how they showed me they manage it.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/joker2135 on 2024-01-14 10:09:16+00:00.

I, (17M,) absolutely despise my father (??M) and barely tolerate my mother (37F,) because of my upbringing. My dad left when I was three and my mother always hit me when I was little. It's common practice in the Black community, and it's even frowned upon not to hit your kids. I got the usual spanking, up until I was around 7, when I said something my mom didn't like and she struck me across the face. She used to just find reasons to hit me or take away my things too, including her telling me to clean when I was in Fifth grade and then beating me for cleaning. Even when I came out to her, she didn't accept me. Now with college on the way, I'm seriously considering cutting her off completely, and for obvious reasons, just ignoring my father when he eventually tries jumping back into my life, which I know he will because I have contact with his family, and all he needs is the money to move back out here like nothing happened, and we'd probably have had a good relationship too, if my mom hadn't kicked him out for being "incompetent," because he didn't buy things, but we still connected on an emotional level. Noe she likes to sit around and deny my depression and ADHD even though my teachers and doctors have been saying I show all symptoms of both, refusing to let me get diagnosed and blaming it on my father. It was still his choice to move out of state too, so AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ebonymcqueen on 2024-01-14 10:02:00+00:00.

Hi all,

My mum (53 F) wants to move into my (25 F) new house and I don’t want her to. She called me today saying she is sick of her living where she is living currently. She is fighting with the lady who owns the house and because of this the lady has revealed to people in the community that my mum is living with her rent free. Wish wouldn’t be too bad except that my mum is running for local council and this ladies house is outside of the boundaries.

3 months ago I got the keys to my new house that I built by myself. No help from parents or a partner (not that I have one). This house is in the boundary of the electorate. For the past 4 years I have been living with my dad (61 M). It took 2 years to build the house with all the covid lockdowns and delays. I’m living here by myself and I love it.

My mum called me today asking to move in. I reluctantly said yes over the phone. However this is my worst nightmare. I have been trying to put healthy boundaries between us because she can be very critical of my physical appearance. I am a relatively conventionally attractive girl with a larger chest. If I show any bit of cleavage my mum will talk about it to anyone who will listen. If my house is ‘dirty’ when she comes over unannounced she tells extended family.

For some extra context growing up my mum would always tell me ‘don’t get fat, boys don’t like fat girls’ while she has been very overweight my entire life. This stared from around puberty. She also likes to grab my boobs a lot especially if I’m getting dressed/naked. I have always protested this for years now. The last time I lived with her we almost came to blows and that was just for 2 weeks when my dads house had been flooded.

She is also quitting her job to focus on the campaign so I wouldn’t be getting any money from her.

If I don’t let her live with me she might not be able to enter the election which she has been working for years to win. The election happens in 3 months.

So basically she makes me super uncomfortable.

Would I be the asshole if I told her I don’t want her to live with me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Disasters_follow_me on 2024-01-14 09:57:17+00:00.

Long story short my mum and girlfriend have been at war for the best part of the last year.

Both of them communicate their dislike or distain of the other one’s actions to me and I end up caught in the middle. It damages my relationship with both of them.

This year my resolution was I was not going to be the vessel for communication and that I’m just going to do me and not engage with either about the other.

We spent yesterday with the gf’s family I gave 110% and it was a lovely day. Today I’m going to my mums. I asked if the gf wanted to join and she immediately looked to make other plans. In fact, trying multiple friends to avoid it.

This morning she kicked off at me because I just said that I’d told my mum I’m coming on my own and she asked why the gf wasn’t coming.

Now she’s been in tears and kicking off at me.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Emotional_Nobody9654 on 2024-01-14 09:50:32+00:00.

let me start off by saying I'm autistic and very sensitive to smells its not like sound I can't just block it all out with headphones.

for some reason any smell, smoke or fragrance from down stairs wafts into my room full force. hence why I keep my door shut and my fan on while my family cooks. I've learnt to live with the smell of meat (only half my family is vegetarian) and usually just try to be out of the house or nap whilst they cook.

now today my mum decided to have a sage dance ceremony.

I have been feeling sick for 2 days with a bad back and throbbing headaches (chronic headaches and insomnia isn't a very good mix) so when I smelt a burning smell I sat up. then BAM full force like 200 sage plants had been assassinated in my room.

I'm a vomiter I will unload my breakfast at any unpleasant smell. I hate vomiting not only the feeling but I also find it very hard to gain weight.

I don't let my mum sage me at New Years because vomiting isn't a fun way to start a new year I often stand far away whilst she sages my family. I opt to not hug those who've been saged dramatic yes but holy smokes does my family eat alot on New Years. so this is not news to her. no sage in the house while I'm home.

I call my mom covering my nose with my shirt I ask "did you burn sage?" I ask which she answers that she did I explain a little mad that it is so strong and ask how long she burnt it for

"like 40 seconds I had a ceremony" I looked at her face she was clearly lying.

"mum how long?" I asked again

"well it did catch on fire" she sheepishly admitted.

I continued to explain how bad it was. and I've been to very hippy festivals so that says a lot. its probably because I'm tired but I genuinely really affected me beyond the headache.

we have a insense brand we both like so I'm not sure why she didn't use that we couldn't of run out as my mum buys like 10 boxes a week.

I'm going to try to sleep it off and hope and pray its gone by the time I wake up.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ancient_Success2893 on 2024-01-14 09:48:18+00:00.

I(24f) was sorta obese as a teenager and was bullied and fat shamed by my brother, Matt (27m) and his fiance, Siera(27f) in high school. My brother and his fiance were highschool sweethearts.theu started dating when they were 16 and got engaged last year in June. I got into a college in another state and met my then bf, John(25m) when I was 21. Matt's and Siera's wedding is in 2 months A week ago I went back to my hometown to meet my parents and everyone else as well as introduce them to John. Everyone expected to see the old fat me but I had gotten quite a glow up. Well that is because John and i used to go to the gym,library as well as basketball dates. Due to this he and i are very fit. I have gotten rather healthier both mentally and physically. And each weekend when John and i used to go out we used to eat our favourite dishes and food that would make us happy. Hence, he and I had gotten in a healthly relationship with food, exercise as well as ourselves. Well my mum and dad were very happy to meet John and we're glad that I was in a good relationship. Well, Siera had a bit of an unpleasant reaction seeing my current situation. Well as it turns out, the girl that bullied my for my weight herself had turned obese. So yesterday, John and i along with Matt and Siera went out for dinner. It was weekend and I was quite hungry so i ordered some heavy food(I was gonna pay my share of the bill). While Siera only ordered a salad. when she heard my order she freaked out and started screaming at me that i ordered junk food and all just to make her jealous of my weight. And she started demanding that i change my order. Matt was also on her side and insisted that I just eat a salad for her sake. I told him that why doesn't he eat one if he wants to make her feel good about herself. They both went off on my about how much of a bitch I am and that how I am fat-shaming her. Then they said that neither me nor John is invited at their wedding. John just simply called the waited and asked him to shift him and i to a couple's table and bring our order there

Matt and Siera told all of our relatives a twisted version of their story and everyone is mad at me for fat Shaming her

Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ancient_Success2893 on 2024-01-14 09:48:13+00:00.

I(24f) was sorta obese as a teenager and was bullied and fat shamed by my brother, Matt (27m) and his fiance, Siera(27f) in high school. My brother and his fiance were highschool sweethearts.theu started dating when they were 16 and got engaged last year in June. I got into a college in another state and met my then bf, John(25m) when I was 21. Matt's and Siera's wedding is in 2 months A week ago I went back to my hometown to meet my parents and everyone else as well as introduce them to John. Everyone expected to see the old fat me but I had gotten quite a glow up. Well that is because John and i used to go to the gym,library as well as basketball dates. Due to this he and i are very fit. I have gotten rather healthier both mentally and physically. And each weekend when John and i used to go out we used to eat our favourite dishes and food that would make us happy. Hence, he and I had gotten in a healthly relationship with food, exercise as well as ourselves. Well my mum and dad were very happy to meet John and we're glad that I was in a good relationship. Well, Siera had a bit of an unpleasant reaction seeing my current situation. Well as it turns out, the girl that bullied my for my weight herself had turned obese. So yesterday, John and i along with Matt and Siera went out for dinner. It was weekend and I was quite hungry so i ordered some heavy food(I was gonna pay my share of the bill). While Siera only ordered a salad. when she heard my order she freaked out and started screaming at me that i ordered junk food and all just to make her jealous of my weight. And she started demanding that i change my order. Matt was also on her side and insisted that I just eat a salad for her sake. I told him that why doesn't he eat one if he wants to make her feel good about herself. They both went off on my about how much of a bitch I am and that how I am fat-shaming her. Then they said that neither me nor John is invited at their wedding. John just simply called the waited and asked him to shift him and i to a couple's table and bring our order there

Matt and Siera told all of our relatives a twisted version of their story and everyone is mad at me for fat Shaming her

Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Curious-Passage-1516 on 2024-01-14 09:31:24+00:00.

So a little context: I am in ninth grade and I have been friends with Paula since I joined the school. We were never that close, but we generally were friends and part of the same friend group. In eight grade, John, Paula and I joined the robotics team at my high school, and John and I immediately put in a bunch of effort into the team. Paula always was busy with other things and never got as involved as other people. At the start of my freshman year, I was in a lot more classes with Paula and she started to get on my nerves constantly. She kind of came off as entitled and smart but unwilling to put any work into anything. For example, she stole a friend’s phone to play games on, dropped it, shattered the back glass, and blamed the friend for not having a shockproof phone case. More recently, she spread rumors that John and I were dating even though we’d both expressed interest in John. Over winter break, I received a snap from Paula where she was in a robotics managers meeting, which was strange because she wasn’t a manager or manager in training like John or I. When it was revealed that she was the new manager and that another position was unlikely to be open for two years, I called John and the one other manager in training and we called one of the co presidents. They said that the reasons we were not up for the position was that I could be slow at using machines and John was made fun of by the younger applicants. I made a graphic to make fun of the negatives of each of us, compared to all of the things Paula hadn’t accomplished that the rest of us had, and let’s just say the gap was obvious and I was so confused why she was picked. I sent this graphic as a joke to the two other managers in training. When it became clear that Paula believed she had authority in her position and wasn’t going to be mature in the position, I sent her the graphic to try and humble her. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AdventurousToe3610 on 2024-01-14 07:32:47+00:00.

My late husband, William, had 2 children from 2 previous relationships. Alyssa (who’s now 30) was from his first marriage. His first wife died when Alyssa was 5. A few years later, he had Logan (who’s now 22) with his then-girlfriend, Brenda. It was a very short-lived relationship. By the time I married William, Brenda had moved Logan to London, where she was originally from. Logan would fly out to visit a couple of times a year, with William and I going over there as well. We were never super close given the distance. Alyssa and I did build a bond as we lived together full time and I ended up adopting her. William and I also had 2 children together.

When Logan was 13 and Alyssa was 21, William was diagnosed with cancer. He deteriorated quickly. We both tried to pay for Logan to come out to say goodbye but Brenda kept saying it wasn’t a good time. Unfortunately, William passed before he could see his son one last time.

William’s request was to be cremated and have the ashes spread at the end of his favorite trail. Once again, I insisted on paying for Brenda and Logan to come back to the states. Brenda kept putting it off. First saying she didn’t want to disrupt the school year. But when summer came, she found excuse after excuse. Soon, it was nearly a year and there had been no celebration of life. Myself, Alyssa, my other 2 kids and the rest of William’s family felt as though it wasn’t fair to anyone. Finally, I gave Brenda a list of dates and told her to pick one. She did. But when it came time to actually booking tickets, she refused. When I said I’d pay, she suddenly found another excuse. Unable to wait any longer, we held the celebration of life. It was a beautiful day that I’ll never forget. It finally helped me begin my grieving journey.

Brenda was pissed and after this, cut contact. Alyssa tried making arrangements to visit but Brenda wouldn’t let her. Finally, when Logan was 18, he reached out to her and they rebuilt a relationship. Through her, he’s also began talking to his other two siblings. Alyssa’s visited him a few times.

Last week, Logan came to the states. He was happy to see his younger siblings but was very stand-offish with me. At one point, Alyssa and the kids took Logan to the trail. When they returned, all of them were understandably emotional. I was comforting Alyssa when Logan snapped. He said it wasn’t fair I held the celebration without him and that he missed his dad’s funeral. He started screaming at me that I was selfish not to wait.

I told him that I understand why he’s upset, but his mother is to blame. She’s the one who refused to let him come out. Were we not supposed to have a funeral for 9 years? Logan got even more upset and left the house, getting a hotel.

Alyssa agrees we did nothing wrong by holding the service when we did but thinks I should’ve just let Logan vent vs blaming his mom. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Legal_Average6727 on 2024-01-14 06:18:10+00:00.

I am a 30-year-old man. My fiancee, Shelly, is a 26-year-old woman.

Ever since I met Shelly, she has been open about one of her interests, which is Korean music. It's not exactly my jam, but I am always happy to hear her talk about it. I was not aware early in our relationship, though, that by "Korean music," she particularly meant one specific male pop star. His name is Kai.

Since we began cohabiting last year, I've also come to learn that it's less of an interest and more of an obsession. She spends an inordinate amount of time looking at his pictures, following his fan communities, and listening to his music. If I'm being perfectly honest it's a pretty huge turn off for me personally, but people will like what they like I suppose.

Last summer, my sister told us that she was getting married and we were super happy for her. We immediately RSVP'd for her wedding, which was on Friday, January 12th. However, in December, Shelly came up to me and told me that she couldn't attend my sister's wedding. When I asked why, she responded that she was going to be in South Korea around that time.

I figured that Kai was having some sort of a performance or fan meet and greet, but it was even worse. Shelly wanted to attend a fan-held birthday party event. Apparently his birthday is January 14th, which is today's date in South Korea. I asked if she was out of her mind, seeing as (a) she doesn't speak Korean (other than some of the lyrics of his she memorized), (b) she doesn't have that much money and lives primarily off of what I make, and (c) she was going to prioritize some random pop star's birthday party over her fiance's sister's wedding.

Shelly told me she was going and that was that. Before she left for the trip a few days ago (on my birthday, actually), she begged me to tell my sister that she couldn't go because she was sick. I really didn't want to talk about it and just told her "OK."

Well, yesterday was my sister's wedding. It was a lovely ceremony. My sister and her husband were confused as to why Shelly wasn't there, and I immediately fessed up that she was in South Korea for an event. My sister was a little upset, but I told her not to let it ruin the day for her.

After the wedding my sister apparently emailed Shelly, telling her that she wish she would have been upfront because she could have saved some money on her food for the event, and then Shelly emailed me furious about my telling the truth.

Was I wrong to tell her the truth or were my actions justified here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PullitSir on 2024-01-14 06:10:54+00:00.

Well there you have it, she's breaking up, but doesn't have income, I pay for everything, now I sleep in the guestroom of the house i own (it's pretty nice). She's demanding i give her the documentation on the ring so she can sell it, I've told her Wisconsin legal precedent is the ring belongs to me once she breaks it off and this is true, no matter why an engagement is broken off. I haven't done anything wrong other than bad judgment as I'm too old for her. It's a $4000 ring retail. I'm not giving her the information. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PsychologicalLie6319 on 2024-01-14 03:34:30+00:00.

For context, my (M27) dad was an addict for most of my life and eventually passed from it a few years back. I’ve been going to therapy for it for years and, while I have made so much progress with it, its just one of those things I’m not sure I’ll ever really get over.

Tonight, my girlfriend (F25) and I were laying in bed after having sex. After cuddling for a few minutes, I grabbed my phone to look at some work-related things. This annoyed her and after asking me to put my phone down, she said “You’re an addict! You can’t put your phone down!”

She’s made similar comments jokingly before when I would play video games for a few hours, or was on my phone for awhile, or just doing something similar, and I’d mentioned that I didn’t really like being called that. But I knew in those moments that she was joking and it really didn’t bother me.

But tonight, it really got to me. I even started to cry, and I am not a crier. It just put haunting images of my dad in my head, and just reminded me of how afraid I’ve always been of turning out like him. Just the way she said it and her tone came across so serious and felt different from the other times.

After a few silent minutes, I asked her to go back to her apartment for the night. I told her I just needed space but assured her that everything with us is fine. I explained we could talk through everything tomorrow but said I just wasn’t ready to talk tonight.

She was visibly upset and I could tell how much she understood that she hurt me. She apologized profusely and assured me she wasn’t serious with her comment. She really didn’t want to leave and was adamant about wanting to talk through it tonight, but I insisted I needed space.

With tears in her eyes, she left. And now I can’t help but feel it might have been a mistake to ask her to leave. Our relationship is incredible and extremely healthy, which might be why this moment hurt so much. At this point, I just feel awful that she was so upset after I asked her to leave.

So, AITA?

EDIT: For more context, because a few people have mentioned it, we have had multiple conversations about why being called that bothers me. She has known the full story of my dad for a very long time and I have explained the trauma I have to her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Turbulent-Ad9914 on 2024-01-14 09:02:19+00:00.

Earlier today I was at my sisters house along with my mother my niece and older sister. The agreement was as followed my mom was going to be heading back with my oldest sister to spend the night there while I stayed with my previously mentioned sister which meant I wouldn’t be going anywhere. So naturally I got cozy and changed into my pajamas while my oldest sister kept her coat on. All of a sudden she demanded that I go warm up the car for them and ofc I said no considering she was fully clothed to go outside while I was not. After this she continued to say how it’s my duty to go do it since I’m a man. Which I found insulting considering how much women insist that they be treated equal to men. It’s essentially like me telling a women to go wash the dishes because of her gender which it’d never do by the way. Anyways we continue to sit there awhile every couple minutes my sister continues to bring up the issue which I ignore she even goes as far to say that she feels bad for my future wife which I just rubbed off. But what pissed me off the most is that she continued to call her husband and told her about the situation and ofc he sided with her and told me how as a man it’s my obligation to turn the car on. Meanwhile little miss princess is sitting there in full winter attire while I’m in my pj’s. Anyways my mom finally decided that she’ll do it her self which then caused my sister and her bf to try to gaslight into feeling bad for making my mother go do it which couldn’t be more wrong. It worked a lil tho cuz I continued to Zelle my mom 10$ for the trouble her daughter caused lmao. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Devina-S on 2024-01-14 08:46:03+00:00.

I got back from a one month trip to India a week ago, and it was quite a special trip for me. Although we were texting each day with a couple of texts while I was there because of the time difference I couldn’t tell him much about my experiences each day. When I got back and we saw each other he didn’t ask me about how it went or ask to see any pics. Maybe we are different, but i was interested in seeing his surf pics from his trip to Indonesia and asked him questions about his trip. Just makes me feel like he’s not really interested

WIBTA in asking him if he wants to see pics (I already did) and why he didn’t ask me about my trip before

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Profile_1320 on 2024-01-14 08:44:00+00:00.

Backstory: my gf(25), her best friend(24), her best friends bf(28) and I (31) all went to the same college. My gf has been living with me for a little over a year in my house, we’ve known each other for 4-5 years but only been dating about 1.5 years. Shes known her friend since childhood and they’re really close. They’ve both known her friends bf for about 5 years, only met him last year.

I recently learned that her friends bf of about a year is a drug addict and they’ve been hiding it from me. He worked for a ticketing agency and we had given him a lot of money (around 2k) to get tickets for us to a few shows. Long story short he never got the tickets and kept the money. It was a hassle to get it back and he only started to pay it back once i threatened to get the cops involved. On top of that he also stole several items from my gf’s friend including a new Mac and new expensive headphones and then skipped town for a month. Yet her friend refuses to leave this guy and continually defends him. My issue is that I travel for work. Not just a few days here or there either, I’m gone for weeks at a time. And the idea that this dude could be at my house while I’m out of the country absolutely horrifies me.

It’s caused a lot of issues recently in our relationship as it’s made me view her friend differently. She says I’m over reacting when I say absolutely under no circumstances do I want him at my house and honestly I feel weird about her friend being at my house even without him.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WishSuperb1427 on 2024-01-14 08:41:08+00:00.

This is a lot to digest, but bear with me if you are interested. No beef if you don't want and it's too much.

My wife left her hometown several years ago because it's a small southern town with a lot of drug use and she did not want to raise her kids there. She still loves her family a lot, but sadly, her dad passed earlier (March) in 2023 and we had already decided to go there to be with her family for the holidays.

Over the time that passed since her father was gone, her sister, who does not work at a job and loves her some drugs has moved into a camper with her SO and 3 kids on her mother's driveway. Who knows why they have to live in a camper in the driveway but still have money for drugs?

While visiting for XMAS, we were over there at her mom's house and my wife and her sister got into a fight about some weird childhood drama about who got in trouble over a snowman being smashed and a video game being played.

The fight escalated to becoming physical and by the time it was over, my wife was defenseless and the attacks from her sister continued up until the point where she (wife's sister) was beating her with a broken chair leg and my wife could not defend herself anymore.

Obviously, at that point, even though all of her "immediate family" ran away from the situation and went outside to hide from what was happening, I had to physically intervene and take the sister down and have the police called.

Her sister was charged with aggravated assault. My wife had to be flown to Nashville for for significant injuries.

Here is the part where it gets weird..... (I know, the story is weird enough already)

Her family keeps trying to make her feel guilty about having been in this fight and everybody is expected to feel sorry for the sister. Sure, I am biased... but I am not on board. I have a hypothesis that when you continue to beat a person who can no longer defend themselves, and are standing over them promising to ruin their face and all of that... you might be wrong.

The state of TN is pressing charges on her sister, not her, but her family still wants her to feel sorry for her sister.

This is where my question lies. I am super pissed and have no form of sympathy for her sister. I honestly hope she goes to the click. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Technician_7673 on 2024-01-14 08:35:19+00:00.

So I 24F have been dating my boyfriend 31M for almost 2years now.

My boyfriend is philipino and I am South African (white). I moved to America 2 years ago on a student visa so not an American.

I came here to explore different cultures and food I love trying new things and I am very open minded. I met my boyfriends family after dating for 2 months they are absolutely great I love his mother philipinos are extremely friendly and welcoming and his family never made me feel uncomfortable or left out they involve me in all of their cultures.

Now I only came in contact with his aunt twice but she has never given off the impression that she doesn't like me.

So my boyfriend and I had a conversation 2 weeks ago and I asked him more about his culture and if his family is excepting of marriage of a different race and if they like me. He said his family are excepting and that they really like me. But his aunt who I have met and his uncle who still live in the Philippines do not really like me he said that it's not really about me. I got confused and asked him then what is it about ? He said they are older and more traditional and that they have a thing against white people from America because of their history.

I told him I get that but did he tell them I am not American? He said he did but they kinda see all white people as Americans and that they are all equally bad. I told him that that is kinda racist against white people by saying all white people are American and bad. He said how so I told him it's like me saying all Asians are all just korean to me and they all are equally bad. He was hurt by that and I told him that that is how I feel and that people saying you can't be racist to white people is not true. He said he understands but that they are older and that he can't convince them that something they have believed their entire lives is wrong. And that he doesn't care how they feel the rest of his family likes me.

I feel that he should have stood up for me you can't hate me for something I had no part of because that's the definition of racism hating someone for the color of their skin.

So reddit am I wrong here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_longer_human___ on 2024-01-14 08:33:45+00:00.

AITA for lying to everyone that I didn’t send the text?

I, M 15 may have screwed up a while ago.. So basically the cast is, Jennifer 14 F, Rebecca 14 F, Addy 15 F. One day me and Addy were hanging out and Jennifer was calling her non stop and I was kinda like ‘uhm excuse me what the actual fu-‘ but let her take the call Jennifer being the talkative person she was she went off for a bit about Rebecca and how she wanted to know what addy thought about Rebecca. Addy just got tired of the talking and hung up on her, she revealed to me that she thought Rebecca was a total pick me and that she didn’t like her at all. Coincidentally I also didn’t like her so I offered to type back a response and asked for some more personal details, like her parents relationship status and problems etc. i did something simple like “yea, I don’t like her and I also think she’s why her parents were divorced” (I know it was wrong of me to use that but I didn’t think it through at the time) and Abby was like “More, we gotta make it hurt..” I was quite hesitant but I obliged. I succumb easy to peer press so I managed to cave quite quickly.

I said some nasty things in that text but those were all the things that Addy wanted me to say as soon as she sent the text I knew I fucked up. I just kinda kicked Addy out of my house and went to bed for the night.

The next morning I awoke to a lovey lecture from my mother, apparently Rebecca saw the text and contacted the school to get my parents number. Oh no. I was freaking out, I didn’t like her but I wouldn’t send that to her, I wasn’t that bad of a person. As soon as I got back to school after the weekend I immediately went to the school counsellor and explained the situation but tried to play myself in a higher light, my excuses were quite plausible because I didn’t know Rebecca that well so how would I know all that? I didn’t get into any school trouble but Jennifer threatened to use some personal stuff against me so I decided to stay home for a bit.

I was constantly called a jerk and toxic for succumbing to peer pressure.

So, AITA?…

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Seadogg5 on 2024-01-14 08:26:25+00:00.

I (18F) am upset at my best friend (18F) of 14 years and she thinks I’m being sensitive and a bitch now I feel like I’m blowing it out of proportion. It all started three days before Christmas me and my best friend saw my ex-boyfriend (19M) whom I dated for a year (the only man I ever dated) and I was just talking about him and she said do you know what I hate about him and I said what? she said I hate his private stories on Snapchat I said, why do you have him on Snapchat? (When I was with him he removed her) she said well he added me and I said, why would you add him back then she said we matched on Tinder. WHAT!!!! My best friend of 14 years swiped right on my ex-boyfriend. we argued for a bit then I told her if you just apologize and say you fucked up, I will get over it because all I wanted was an apology and for her to realize what she did so she wouldn’t do it again she said “no there’s no reason for me to apologize I don’t feel the need to. I didn’t do anything wrong.” LIKE PARDON, I gave her an escape route for this whole situation and she decided not to take it.

Fast forward five days we were leaving for Cuba in two days so we ended up just making amends and I dropped the entire situation we get to Cuba. we’re having fun and on the second night she sleeps with my 15-year-old cousin and takes his virginity and decided to tell me about it thinking I would laugh about it. let’s just say I was not happy and I would not let her go near him for the rest of the trip. Next night, she drank too much, shocker (not a shocker) the next morning she threw up everywhere in the toilet, in the bidet, the sink, the shower, the porch and in a trashcan so me and my other friend (18F) left her in the room so she could get over her hangover and me, and that friend went to the beach.

We came back about five hours later in the AC was shut off. THE AC WAS SHUT OFF, like are you insane? it’s +30 out in Cuba and you want to shut off the AC ridiculous. The second we walk in the room the smell of puke just hits us. She destroyed the room that day there was still puke in the bucket. She didn’t clean any of it up before she left the room. There was dirty tissues, all in MY BED. Because she decided to sleep in my bed while I was gone so me and my friend rage clean the room and when she got back, we asked her to clean her puke bucket and she said no I don’t feel like it.

I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the trip and when we got back it’s just been awkward ever since and all she wants to do is use me for car rides. She lies so much and I’m tired of just playing along with it and just pretending like I don’t hear the lies even though they’re so wrong. So I don’t drive her around anymore, i don’t hangout with her anymore. am I just blowing this out of proportion? Am I the asshole?