Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DoCtOr_SeGgS on 2024-01-14 08:22:41+00:00.

Yesterday me and my girlfriend had a bad day yesterday, and it became worse when she talked to her parents about me and my girlfriend's relationship. I was told (by her) that I had to prove my love for her to her parents when I'm not allowed to be at her house anymore, a rule set by her.

i of course called her mother, which she didn't want me to do which only strengthened my suspicions of her lying. which became true when I called her mother and explained that she had told me this and her mother said no.

I of course went to my girlfriend and asked about it, and now she's pissed at me for not listening and "breaking" her trust, to which I simply reply that she had lied to me. Then she argues that I am controlling and manipulative, which I am not! I simply want to get respect enough that she tells me what i need to hear and not what she probably thinks I want to hear!

Now she only calls me manipulative, controlling, and threatening to want a break or just break up.

Am I the asshole when my girlfriend lies and gets mad when I ask others for their opinion on the same thing?

Is this relationship doomed and what should i do?

UPDATE: broke up with her, now to wait for her response

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Virtual_Tiger9210 on 2024-01-14 08:14:57+00:00.

Many black men sell bracelets and my drunk mind made an association. I drank 6 glasses of alcohol with my parents. I’m 18 and they allowed me to drink each of them. We all drank the same but they weren’t as affected as me. So they got a bit mad saying that it’s pathetic how I don’t know what’s my limit. AITA?

Also, I think the guy used to go to my school and he’s still friends with some of my friends. How do I redeem myself?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/evixxes on 2024-01-14 08:14:54+00:00.

So, I'm in the car as I'm writing this, and my dad (41M) told me that my cousin (39M) was being really messy and talking shit about our family. He tells me that my cousin was talking about him and his new girlfriend/business partner, and as he's telling me all of this, he says that my cousin called me (17M) gay and said that I was twerking on his kids (16M and 13M) the last time I was at their home for spring break like 2 years ago. As I hear that, my jaw immediately drops because I have never done anything like that to his kids, as they are my cousins and I'm not very fond of them, but they are still my cousins. But the thing that really threw me for a loop was that my cousin has also called me gay, but in more of a backhanded way. This also happened when we were at their house for spring break, but what he called me was a "fruitloop" when i tried to give him a hug as we were getting ready to leave. I was highly offended at that and to this day, I want my revenge but I'm better than that. I'll stop here for the sake of time, but there will be more updates.

Update #1

So, more information came out and I found out that my cousin is talking about a lot more of my family. When I say a lot of my family, I mean that he was talking about people from my mom and dad's side of the family, but mostly my dad's side. We found out that he was talking about my cousin (called him gay), my stepmom (said she was a wh*re), and even my dad (said that he would abuse my stepmom, and that he abused my mom. This is all a lie and nothing of that nature would ever happen in our house. And the cherry on top was the fact that he said that at one point, he was stealing my grandma's (70F) money behind her back, and at that point, I had and still do, have some words for him. We have already agreed that we will never go back to his house again, except for funerals and emergencies, so that is out of the way already. I know for a fact that I will give another update tomorrow because my dad said that we'll talk more about it in the morning.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CharVT95 on 2024-01-14 08:04:54+00:00.

For context: My (28f) husband (31m) and I were together for nearly a decade, married for 7 years. We seperated earlier this year. We have two kids (both under 16 mo).

Currently co-parenting is going fine. I have the kids the majority of the time but he sees them whenever he wants. We typically plan 2-3 days per week depending on his work schedule. I’m very flexible and accommodating because it makes things easier for everyone that way. Plus he works and I don’t, so as the sole (financial) provider he’s always been the decision maker. So, what he says goes and I’m fine appeasing that most of the time.

Our biggest struggle lately is me “distancing myself” from his family. He says that I’m being selfish for no longer maintaining a relationship with his family (particularly his mom). He thinks that because we were together for so long I should maintain a relationship with his family for their sake and for the kid’s sake. But for me it’s awkward. They know a lot about our relationship and always took his side (whether he was in the wrong or not). So, it’s hard for me to want to maintain a relationship with them when they actively allowed their son to treat me the way he did for so many years.

I’m always going to be respectful of them and will interact with them if I need to but I don’t feel like I need to go out of my way to maintain anything. AITA for this? Part of me does feel bad because I agree I have known them for a long time, but the other part of me wants to cut all ties (unless necessary to communicate).

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/hunterdean94 on 2024-01-14 08:00:41+00:00.

I work at a gas station in Tulsa. It is 3 degrees right now and a homeless person froze to death yesterday. Another homeless woman with a substance abuse problem walked in right before close tonight to try and get warm. She then starts asking if anyone will give her a ride to a friend's place so she has somewhere to stay tonight. She was going about 2 miles from where I live so I begrudgingly said "yes."

So we're on the road and about to get on the freeway. She starts freaking out and saying she can't ride on the freeway. It makes no sense, but I calm her down and tell her that there's no one out tonight and that I'll drive slow.

We get to her destination and I realize that she wasn't even planning on staying there and just wanted to meet her dealer. He never answers the phone and after 15 minutes I tell her no more and ask her where she wants to go. She then tells me somewhere else about 10 miles away. I'm getting angry at this point. It's 1:30am and I want to go home.

As I go to get on the freeway again, all hell breaks loose. The woman starts violently screaming and kicking saying she can't be on the freeway. I'd had enough. I hit the breaks on the on ramp and told her "get the fuck out." She jumps out and I drive off.

So I just left this woman in the middle of Tulsa in the 3 degree weather. Idk how to feel or what I could have even done. But now I can't sleep because I'm worried about this lady freezing to death.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FahQinHell on 2024-01-14 07:59:50+00:00.

For context, I’m 22F (East African Australian) and he’s 21M (French Australian).

I’ve known him since the first year I started my degree in IT and we became friends soon after. Not that long ago we had a project for our final unit in our 3rd year that we needed to complete and that was to develop an app for a client. He asked me if we should continue with the rest of the work at his place since it’s closer to where I lived rather than driving to the university because that’s the only place that had Mac pc’s in their computer labs and even offered to pick me up which was a nice gesture. I took the offer and we were working for 3 hours on the app then we took a break and had many random conversations about video game characters, scenarios of which country is the most likely to start WW3, etc. We then started talking about our preferences in partners and then he said “As long as she’s not black because my parents would quite literally murder me and bury me deep beneath the ground.” ofcourse I’m aware that everyone is entitled to their preferences and i don’t think it’s racist to say you don’t find a certain race attractive but i was wondering why he felt the need to say that to me. I would’ve assumed he was smart enough to pick up on the social cues and normally I would ignore that kind of comment and move away from that topic but out of curiosity I asked “Oh, so do your parents not like you dating poc?” And he jokingly said “yeah but they have people that they find genetically and racially better which is pretty much everyone but black people”. Then I impulsively blurted out “well then that means your parents are racists and unkind” and he got super defensive saying I shouldn’t be speaking poorly about other people’s parents and that I should be more respectful and in that given situation had I said that about him he wouldn’t say that to me about my parents. I told him we should both just drop the subject and continue working which we did then afterwards I left and caught the bus back home. We only spoken formally after that incident until we submitted our app and not in the casual way we spoke for those past 3 years as friends and now that we have both graduated I haven’t spoken to him since. I suspect he was waiting for me to apologize but I’m never going to go back on what I said. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Boughtatthetop on 2024-01-14 07:51:55+00:00.

AITA for being mad at my gf for not liking my family?

Me (24m) and my gf (23f) have been together for a year now. My mom flew into town this weekend along with my younger siblings (ages 6f,7m,16m) to spend time with me as we haven't seen each other in over a year. This was her first time meeting them.

Today my mom dropped my younger siblings off at our apartment so we could spend the day together. When they arrived, my gf refused to come out the room and interact with anybody, not even to say hello to my mom. I stepped out to run to the store (couldn't have been more than 10 minutes) and my gf began texting me how annoyed she was with my younger siblings. I told them that they were allowed to get snacks or whatever before I left but apparently my gf didn't like them going through our pantry.

When I got back, my brother (16) also asked me to use our shower because the water was cold at their hotel. I allowed it of course, and he was in there for about 30 mins. While he was in there, my gf texted me that she had to pee and told me "tell your brother to get out the fucking bathroom or Im going to get him out". A couple of minutes later, she came out of our bedroom and began banging on the door. I told her to chill out, and she went back into our room and locked the door.

My other siblings (6f and 8m) were watching tv in our living room and I tried to get my gf to join us. I went into our room and told her I felt she was being rude to not only my mother, but my younger siblings as well, and she told me that they were only here for me and that she wasn't leaving the room. I was pretty upset at this point so when my brother got out of the shower, I left with my siblings, so we could be somewhere else.

After I left, she texted me telling me not to come home and to spend the night with them. I came home anyway, but tonight I'm sleeping on the couch and refusing to talk to her.

I get that it can be annoying to have a bunch of kids in our apartment, and she may have felt like they were violating her space, but they're children and on top of that my younger siblings. I feel like her lack of hospitality (refusing to even come out the room and say hello, banging on the door when my brother was in the bathroom etc.) was extremely disrespectful to me and my family, especially considering the fact that her sisters have came to our apartment before, and I didn't treat them the same way.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GovermentSpyDrone on 2024-01-14 07:49:18+00:00.

I (f21) live with my mum (f46), and my two brothers (m23 and m17), we all pay board.

It's extremely hot and humid during the summer here in NSW Australia. Whenever I'm in my room for more than 15 minutes I usually take my shirt off because it's more physically comfortable that way. I always put my bra and shirt on when leaving my room even if I'm just going to go use the bathroom or get a snack or water, etc.

When my younger brother turns 18, I'm going to stop bothering to put on shirt whenever I leave my room, it takes ten seconds to walk to the bathroom or get water and I don't want to get dressed everytime.

I don't intend to start hanging out around the house topless, I'll definitely take the time to put on a shirt when guests are around. Both my brothers like to occasionally hang out around the house shirtless but I have no desire to join in.

I've told my family about my intentions. Mum's fine with it, my older brother couldn't care less, but my younger brother was pretty shocked when I first brought it up to him. He calmed down once we discussed it further and he doesn't have any serious issues with it aside from "it'll be weird". Like I said, I'll wait till he's 18, no minor will ever see my tits.

I couldn't find any sources on the legality of this so I'm assuming I'm in the clear. But what does Reddit have to say on the matter? WIBTA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Doggaveaway on 2024-01-14 03:36:13+00:00.

Throwaway

My (35M) daughter (14F) got in trouble at school for saying something racist to a boy. This boy is a known bully but it's always verbal and never physical. To my knowledge my daughter and the bully got into a verbal altercation at school. The my daughter told me that the bully was talking about her being annoying and called her childish because of her booksack (It's hello kitty).

My daughter told the bully that if he has a problem with her then he can go back to Africa where he belongs. This surprised me when she told me that. The school suspended both the bully and my daughter. Needless to say I was disappointed. I told my daughter that I would talk to the principal about the bully when she returns and try to get her switched out of his classes or vice versa. However, I did punish my daughter for what she said. I told her I was disappointed for how she reacted. I said that I know he hurt her feelings but resorting to racism isn't the right way to respond.

She got upset with me and said that I was defending the bully. I told her that I wasn't defending the bully but resorting to racism to win an agrument is not an appropriate way to react. I told her Her mother and I would definitely take care of it and make sure that she wouldn't have problems in the future. She said that it was unfair for me to punish her when she was only defending herself. Now she hasn't been speaking to me. She said that she hates me and don't understand why I'm doing this. I tried explaining it to her but she refuses to listen and talk to me.

My Wife (35F) said that she agrees that what our daughter said was wrong but punishing her for isn't the right way to go about it. My son (M17) said that she knows what she said was wrong but she just doesn't want to admit it and that I'm not doing anything wrong.

AITA for punishing my daughter for saying something racist?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/OstrichAndEmu on 2024-01-14 01:46:33+00:00.

Not in the US

I (33f) have a sister Sarah (36f). Sarah has always been good at studying and is our parents’ pride and joy. She got into a very good university’s engineering program on full scholarship and had a nice job offer upon graduation. We were all proud of her.

In comparison, I was a mediocre student. I got into a less prestigious university studying something Sarah said to our parents “won’t get me a good job” but my parents helped me pay my tuition nevertheless though I had to work for spending money and other expenses. Through work, I met my now husband. He is from a family of generational wealth with their own business. We married when I graduated and my sister said she was very disappointed in me for being a gold digger and that we women should not rely on a man’s money to get ahead in life.

Sarah left the company at 30 to start her own business with her now husband. The business was doing well until the pandemic. They struggled but managed to keep the business together until this year. Sarah confessed to our parents that she needs a large amount of money to keep her business afloat. My parents suggested she borrow from me.

Now, I do have the amount of money Sarah needs. My husband heads his family company and gives me spending money every month in addition to a credit card he takes care of. I don’t work—my days are spent looking after our two sons and, for a few days a week, keeping his mom company. She’s a lovely lady who’s still very active and enjoys taking me places. Every time we go out she always foots the bills, so I have a lot of money saved.

Sarah and her husband approached me in private a few days ago. They asked to borrow money from me, with detailed plan on how to pay me back though with much lower interest than from a bank and a contract.

Here’s where I may be AH. I wrote them a check and as I handed it to her, I looked her in the eyes and asked “You do realize you’re borrowing my gold digging money, right?”

Sarah went red in the face before she immediately got up and walked away. Her husband looked a little awkward but finally took the check and mumbled his thank and left.

Later, my mom called me and said I was being cruel to Sarah in her hard time. That there was no need to humiliate my sister like that. I simply told my mom she never said anything when Sarah called me a gold digger so she has no say in the matter. Still, I wonder if I was AH.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sindrupak on 2024-01-14 00:47:53+00:00.

My(36m) friends are getting a divorce. They have been together since we were in high school so it came as a huge shock. Lately all they do is argue. Loads of stuff on their plate but I still didn’t think it would be so much as to make them forget their daughter(13)’s birthday.

She is like a niece to me so I spent some time thinking about what to get her. She wants to be an architect one day and really likes the Singapore skyline so I got her a LEGO Singapore Architecture set.

Had it wrapped and went over to their place yesterday. Both of them were mortified when they realized that they forgot her birthday.

After she went to her room to start playing, they turned on me and said I should have given them reminder in a text or something, since I knew they have a lot to deal with right now.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Stunning_Energy_1932 on 2024-01-14 00:35:24+00:00.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (33F) have been dating a little bit over a year. He has been living with his parents his entire life. Because he's never lived on his own, he's never had to do his own grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning. His mom does all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. He's never really had to do anything that an adult does on a daily basis to take care of themselves. It's been a really big red flag to me, so I'm just really worried that if we move in together right now, he's not gonna know how to do anything, and I'm gonna turn into his mom. He wakes up and his mom makes him breakfast. His mom also packs his lunch for him every day when he goes to work. He comes home after work, and she's making dinner. He will take a shower, and leave all of his clothes on the floor for his mom to clean up later that day. And then, when I asked him to come to my apartment, 30 minutes away and make dinner with me and spend time with me, I'll just complain that he's too tired and he wants to eat dinner at his parents house instead.

When he brought up that he was thinking about moving in with me, I told him that I'm not comfortable doing that and I think he needs to live on his own for at least 6 to 12 months. He told me that this request is completely unreasonable. My boyfriend thinks that I should wanna live with him right now, and he thinks I'm being an asshole for making this request. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Muted_Expression7 on 2024-01-13 23:35:18+00:00.

AITA for prioritizing my mother’s feelings over my wife’s disdain.

My father died unexpectedly in an accident last year. He was only 50.

My wife (30) has had issues with my mom for the past 3 years. While we were dating, my mom made the comment that she didn’t feel we were “right for each other”. Since then, there has been a heaviness around them. Mom has apologized and always says I love you. But my wife hasn’t really accepted and has not ever said “I love you back”. She doesn’t accept the apology and thinks it only came after we were married because she had “no choice but to accept [her].”

Fast forward: my wife and I move 20 minutes from my mom after my dad dies due to a job change. Tonight, my siblings made plans for the family to eat dinner in the city- about 1.5 hours away. The weather’s a little dicey, so my mom called and asked if we could ride together. She could meet at our apartment, and then we could drive into the city together.

My wife told me to tell her “no” and that she’s a grown woman and can drive herself. That giving her a ride we are enabling her “helplessness”. My father did everything for my mom including driving through bad weather and into the city.

My wife and I got into it and I told her we are giving my widowed mother a ride to see her kids and grandkids.

I feel like an AH either way. 🤦‍♂️

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/lizzieis on 2024-01-13 23:11:59+00:00.

So, I am a singer and have been doing gigs in my city for the last 3 years. I’d like to preference that these gigs are FREE entry and only at very rare occasions where I need to do I charge for tickets (these usually are limited to £10 a ticket which I think I extremely fair, correct me if I’m wrong). I recently received a message from someone I went to school with. We’ll call her “Claire”.

Claire was a year above me and we never interacted at all through school, we had no mutual friends or anything linking us together. I now regularly post covers and my own songs on my social media and although I don’t really have any following, I love what I do and try to post regularly (a New Year’s resolution of mine also hahah!).

I recently received a message from Claire asking me to sing at her wedding. Honestly, I was honoured. I’ve never been asked to sing at someone’s wedding before and it would be the first truly personal occasion I’ve sang at.

I asked Claire firstly what she wanted to be sung in regards to was it just the first dance or walking down the aisle or fully singing for the reception. I also asked her to let me know what songs she wanted, regardless of when they were sung, so I could best tell if I was going to be the best singer. The last thing I’d want to do is agree and then do a terrible job singing a song I’m not confident in at the most important day of someone’s life!! She messaged back and said it would be for the first dance AND for at least 2 hours of the reception before a DJ took over.

I proceeded to let her know that, as this would be the first occasion I’ve done such an event, I would do it for £90 an hour. In total, she needed me for 3/4 hours. I really don’t think I was asking for what a lot of other bands/singers would ask for (please correct me if I’m wrong!!)

She messaged back with shock, and said she assumed I’d do it for free as I’m “just a pub singer” and I’m “not exactly making money” as it was. I was taken aback. I then said I’d do it for £70 an hour if she was willing to compromise. She insisted I do it for free and said she would make sure I was given food and drink at the wedding to compensate.

I’ve now told her I won’t be singing at her wedding as I feel I’ve given her a deal and she’s asking for too much.

She said she would tell all her friends about me and post my social media if I did it for free, but I just don’t know if that’s justifiable?

As I’m not a seasoned professional, I’m now wondering if I was wrong in my pricing? So am I the asshole for saying no?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/consciousblob on 2024-01-13 22:46:25+00:00.

My (21F) housemate (21F, Amy) met her new love interest (22M, Rob) about a week ago. The first time they formally met in person, he came over at midnight with a duffel bag and has not left for a week. Every day was a different excuse for why he couldn’t leave, like it being too late to go or there being a storm (there was not), and he has been fully moved in with us (me, Amy, and our third housemate, also 21F) since Day 3.

Some quick background: Amy and her ex broke up 2 months ago. She says that she wasn’t sure if she was ready for a new relationship but has fallen for Rob. All 3 housemates are uni students, and we’re renting as 3 people (as defined in our lease).

Timeline:

Day 1: Rob comes over at 12am with a duffel bag and a 6-pack of beers. Amy claims he had no intention of sleeping over this first night. They talk until 6am in the living room. He doesn’t want to leave because “it’s really late,” so Amy tells him to sleep on the couch. He agrees but then asks to see something in her room that they’d discussed earlier. They go upstairs, and he falls “asleep,” so they spend the night together in her room. He drank at least 3 beers.

Day 2: Rob leaves at 4pm for work. He comes back at night claiming that a train broke down due to weather, and he can’t make it back to his place, as he lives relatively far away and does not have his own car. To our knowledge, there were no public transport breakdowns and weather was fine.

Day 3: Amy tells us that Rob’s uncle, whom he was staying with, is kicking him out because he believes that he was staying with his abusive ex-girlfriend.

Day 4: Amy and Rob bring his stuff over. He is told the garage code, and we’re told he intends on staying here until his mom convinces his uncle to take him back. Amy says he has other friends, but they are not that close and he doesn’t want to bother their families by staying over. He makes money from his job ($700 in 3 days) and can afford a motel - they just don’t want to. For context, he is currently taking a break from his police diploma and working as a cook.

Day 5: We stage an intervention and ask for next steps. We say our parents are uncomfortable with a stranger moving in. We get the same story about them not having options.

Day 6: Today. We are lost.

Rob’s red flags:

• He has NOT STOPPED drinking since he arrived, and there are several piles of beer cans in our house. No one in our house drinks.
• Rob wanted to see Amy as soon as she arrived after the winter break. His uncle “kicked him out” shortly after. We are wondering if he just needed a place to stay, and this worked out strangely conveniently.
• Amy has not been getting enough sleep/eating, or going to all her classes since this began. We are concerned for her wellbeing.

WIBTA if I told Amy Rob has to leave tonight?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Basic-lover-6990 on 2024-01-13 22:09:00+00:00.

My girlfriend (f22) and I (m22) have been dating for little over a year.

We're both in college. Tbh I don't feel like going out most of the time, so I almost always suggest my girlfriend to stay in my apartment and order something/ cook something instead of going out. I often don't want to go to parties or such with her, which annoys her a lot.

The other day my girlfriend mentioned a new sushi (I think, or Asian food) restaurant in our town and asked if we could go. Originally I agreed, I said that we could go on Friday. However, I didn't feel like going out last night, so instead I cooked dinner for us and when she came to my apartment (so we could go to the restaurant together) I told her that we could leave it for another day and eat at home. She was annoyed and said that I always do the same thing, I told her to chill because we could go another day. It's not like the restaurant will go anywhere, right?

I cooked carbonara pasta for dinner, but my girlfriend said that she won't have it because she wants fish, not pasta. I told her "okay, we can order sushi if you want" and rolled my eyes, which made her go off on me, telling me that she feels like I want to hide her? Like if I'm embarrassed of her or something, when it's not the truth at all.

She knows my family and friends, I make all the time I can to spend time with her and I'm certainly not ashamed of her because why would I be? I'm just not an outgoing person and she knows it. She had said something similar a few months ago because I didn't post enough about her on social media (I post like twice a year). I also got upset over her comment and told her to leave if she didn't like how I am, and she left. I sent her a message today so we could talk and try to make up and she told me to give her one or two days to think.

I don't believe that what I did was that shitty, but please tell me if I was.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Positive_Leg_8211 on 2024-01-13 21:53:50+00:00.

My (39M) daughter (15F) has been doing a charter school online and because they connect kids with others locally, she made a friend there. She uses mainly the internet for communication as neither of them have phones of their own. I'm happy for her since she does not have many friends.

Her friend lives about an hour out of town, but comes into town often and they hang out at the library or park.

The issue is that my daughter wants to have her friend over at our house to hang out. Now normally we'd be okay with this, but my wife (36F) tells me that friend's mother will only allow it if I am not at home. This to us felt like a flag. My wife has attempted to find out if she can't talk to friend's mother, but she refuses to do so. My wife can't even find out what her name is.

My wife and I decided it would be a bad idea to allow the daughter's friend over ever, even if I'm not there. This mother sounds like someone who could look for any reason to make accusations and even if I were at work, am I supposed to avoid my own house so someone (who I don't know and doesn't know me) doesn't accuse me of being a predator? We have 3 other kids and we don't think it's wise to take that kind of risk.

My daughter, however, thinks we are horrible and hate her for this and does not understand our concerns.

Are we being unreasonable? AITA?

edit: to clarify, when I say I can't be there, I mean me, the dad, a man cannot be there while her daughter is there.

edit2: update to story! After some thinking and at my suggestion based on reading comments, my wife made another attempt to reach out to her. My wife explained what she was told via her daughter and wanted to find a way to work it out. So my wife invited her to dinner and she reaponded positively! So that's good. Hopefully we can work all this out for my daughter's sake.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/InternationalYou1859 on 2024-01-13 21:01:26+00:00.

My wife (33f) has a best friend that is having a destination wedding in the UK. Naturally, my wife is invited and is going to be in the wedding party. I was pretty excited to go until I was told that it would be too expensive for both of us to go, so she’s going by herself. That’s all fine except that it isn’t.

You see, when we got married we didn’t get a chance to do a honeymoon, so we decided that we would do a big trip for our 10 year without the kids…right kids, we have two. Our 10 year is approaching in a few months. Well, after being invited to this wedding (taking place way later in the year) my wife said that we aren’t going to do our trip cause she has to save money for the trip to the wedding. I’m even more upset about it, and I voiced my opinion. Hold on to your hats folks I’m not done.

The wedding is supposed to be on a Sunday so I naturally assume she’d be gone for maybe 4 days. Nope! I guess if you’re going to the UK you might as well take a vacation and site see for 12 days! No wonder it would be too expensive. Btw, at no point was any of this planning discussed with me. So finally I gave my full opinion especially with the new information. I (34m) stated that I was upset about this, bothered that I was never talked to about this wedding trip was now going to be a vacation with a wedding sprinkled in, and furthermore to move around my work schedule for the kids. At no point did I tell her she couldn’t go but definitely voiced that I was opposed to a 12 day trip. Now she won’t talk to me. So, AITA??

Little more info to add to the irritation: a few years ago one of my friends that I served with in USAF was getting married and I was invited. His wedding was in N. Carolina, I live out west. I ask my wife if it would be ok for me and/or all of us to go to the wedding, maybe spend a few days there. The response was no it would be too expensive and who would take care of the kids? So I didn’t go.

And some final info: we share an account so it’s not like we have our own money set aside. I make considerably more but all the same it is OUR money.

So again, AITA???

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Odd_Promise2096 on 2024-01-13 20:53:57+00:00.

My (28F) fiancé (35M) was previously married to a woman I will call “C” (35F.) C and I don’t get along well. I don’t like the fact that C and my husband are still friendly with each other.

My future sister in law (37F) is hosting a family bbq tomorrow to celebrate her son (5M) birthday. The entire extended family is invited. However, I do not like the fact that my fiancé’s ex-wife is invited.

My future sister in law doesn’t exactly know that I don’t get along with C so I wasn’t upset to see her name on the guest list she sent in our group chat. I privately told my future sister in law that I’m not comfortable with my fiancé’s ex being there with the hope she would remove C’s name. My future sister in law said that she and C have been friends for a long time plus, C is the godmother to her son (C and my future sister in law are devout Catholics) so she won’t be uninviting her as it’s of familial and religious significance to her and her kid.

My future sister in law literally told me that I could try to ignore C and the party or just try to accept the fact that she and my husband are still friends and get along with her. I refused and told her that her friendship with C and her religious bullshit with her doesn’t overtake the fact that I am marrying her brother and should be a priority guest as I will soon her. I ended the conversation at that and later my fiancé found at and got pissed at me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/_okboo on 2024-01-13 20:42:26+00:00.

This might sound petty but I (F29) and my man (M45) live together and usually do very well and have a lot of fun. Lately, however we have been arguing more and I haven’t felt like my feelings are considered and I don’t feel very loved, or respected. We have dinner parties often to host friends and clients (I always cook, and he buys groceries and drinks).

Yesterday I cooked a pot roast for the first time with a lovely porcini mushroom sauce, packed up half the remaining 3lbs for our guest and left a bowl of roast and a separate bowl of sauce in the fridge. I even cleaned up nearly all the dishes because that’s just how I operate in the kitchen. Last night after dinner he asked me if something was wrong and I said no. (It was late, we had been drinking wine and I didn’t want to get into the fact that I was still hurt from some mean things he said earlier in the week). And he pressed me so I told him how I felt.

He got very defensive, didn’t apologize and basically drove home my sentiment that he wasn’t showing care for my feelings and would instead get defensive when I was hurt from him calling me names. (I don’t name call, and this has come up before, there’s rarely a heartfelt apology.)

This morning I slept in because it was my day off. And I was excited to make us a sandwich with some bread I got out of the leftover meat and sauce. I came down stairs and opened the fridge and the bowl of meat was gone. Like almost a pound of fancy pot roast. I came upstairs and asked if he ate it all and he said yea. Then accused me of yelling at him first thing in the morning. He said if I sleep in the food is going to get eaten. AITA for wanting to be considered on something like that? I spent 5 hours cooking and only had a small portion because we ate late :(

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Beautiful_Metal8555 on 2024-01-13 19:25:27+00:00.

So I(26F) initially planned on going with my niece(11F) and brother (37F) on a trip to her mother’s home country during summer vacation. My niece’s mother died when she was less than a year old and the trip was going to be the first time my niece would be visiting her mother’s home country. As well as the second time she gets to see her maternal grandparents since her mother’s death.

However my niece suffers from attachment issues which cause her to have severe anxiety. As a result she has panic attacks whenever she goes to unfamiliar places without her dad or I present. Short trips to nearby places are fine with just her dad but because this trip will be for a month and somewhere faraway that is very different from what she's used to, I have to be present for the trip to happen.

I had agreed to the trip about a year ago under the pretense it would likely happen in July of this year. Last month my boyfriend(26M) asked me to spend two weeks with him and his family in Italy during August, I agreed as it wouldn't interfere with my niece's trip. However, last week my brother told me that he could only get time off for the last two weeks of July and first two of August during summer vacation. Which interfere with the trip to Italy. My boyfriend can't reschedule as it is the only time that works for his family. I asked my brother about moving niece's trip to sometime during the schoolyear but she has recitals and events that she can't miss.

Originally I was planning on missing the trip to Italy but after speaking about it with my boyfriend's sister, she hinted at my boyfriend proposing to me during the trip. My boyfriend and I have been together since we were in high school, and a large reason why we aren't engaged yet is because my niece's dependency on me. He's been more than understanding towards the situation which would make me feel awful if I delayed his proposal for my niece again. To be honest, I'm also tired of having to put my life on hold for my niece, so I told my brother I couldn't go on the trip with them. Which essentially meant he had to cancel the tip. He was very mad at me, probably the most mad I've seen him since niece was born and called me an asshole as well as some other choice words for accepting to go on another trip when I had already agreed to this one. I was taking my niece to therapy this week, and the therapist pulled me aside to tell me how much my decision was hurting my niece. She didn't sound like she was blaming me but it made me start to rethink my decision. I brought it up with a few friends and the reactions were mixed.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Best_Towel_7764 on 2024-01-13 18:46:46+00:00.

Am I the Asshole for not getting my kids to share their inheritance? My sister and I were Disinherited by my Parents.

When I was 26 My sister Came out as Lesbian to our parents (they aren’t religious or follow religion but do not support same sex relationships) so my sister was kicked out and I took her in, at the time I had 3 Kids. I broke off all contact with my parents and refused them access to their grandkids, as they had spent time with them already, they took me to court and won visitation rights. so they won the right to see them three times a month.

My sister and her Partner have 2 Kids with donor sperm (nephew and niece), my parents refused to acknowledge them as their grandkids as my sister did not give birth to them (their loss)

my parents passed away (dad passed away couple years back and Mum passed away recently) they left their estate to my kids in a trust fund, I spoke to my kids and asked them if they would be willing to share with their cousins as they would not need all the money and their cousins could use it for their future as well, they straight up refused as their grandparents had left them the money and its their choice what they do with it. My parents never spoke to my kids about my sister to them or their cousins.

My sister has been calling me and telling me I should tell them why she was disinherited by my parents along with myself and try and guilt the kids into sharing their inheritance with their cousins.

edit: after speaking to my kids (told them the reason) they didnt know it was because their aunts relationship but because their grandparents had a fight with her and didnt make up, they did tell me that their grand mother told them they would be getting all their money and properties before she passed away.

I havent asked them again if they would share any money, I dont think they will share i am not going to push them to do so.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway_86aita8 on 2024-01-13 17:40:15+00:00.

I (23F) have been dating Noah (25M) for more than 3 years now. We met through friends, he's truly the loml.

Admittedly, my parents never liked him because I was only 19 while he was 22. I admit, this is natural and we gave them plenty of time to trust him. They also wanted me to marry someone more 'polished' (the word they used). Noah is not catholic nor is he from a 'wealthy' background. He also has tattoos, which is a pretty big sin for my family. I knew my family was pretentious like that, but I never thought they'll berate me for choosing my own life partner. Noah is more successful than me and he takes care of me more than anyone else.

My brother used to tell me that my parents thought I was going through my 'rebel' phase later in life because I never used to go against their wishes before. This is true, but I've explained to them that its because I didn't know I had a choice. They thought I'll breakup with him eventually.

A few months ago I found out that I'm pregnant. It was not planned at all. But Noah and I used to talk about family way before this, so even thought things are happening a lot earlier than we planned, we wanted to go ahead with it. Soon after, Noah proposed as well. We hosted a dinner for both our families and told them the news and this is where things got out of control.

I didn't want to shock them, so my brother had also told them that I was engaged, but I wanted to tell them about the pregnancy face to face. I don't get to see them much since they live far away and this was special to me. But this is one of the reasons I feel like I'm the AH, I feel like maybe I put too much pressure? Anyways, they came, they saw the ring, and pretended to be okay with it. But after we got started eating they were continuously making snide remarks. Like how Noah could afford such a ring, or that its fake. Now, Noah is not a person to take shit, and after a a lot comments, he told them that if they had the class they showed with their money (my name) wouldn't have to be scared of telling them she's pregnant

To say they were shocked is in an understatement. My mom started crying, my dad started fighting with my MIL about Noah trapping me. I was so stressed and scared, they just kept shouting, Noah told them to get out, but before leaving my mother told me to "get ride of it"

I couldn't believe what she said. I still didn't say anything. I was shocked. The next day when they called I told them they were uninvited from the wedding. They were okay even said they were free of a burden.

But after a week they called, apologised, and said that missing their only daughter's wedding would be devastating but I shouted a lot that day. I called them names and I just lost it

It's been a while, no contact. I overthink a lot nowadays, hormones I guess, but I want to know. What if I explained the pregnancy before they got shocked, maybe if I told them instead of Noah, idk. They have given me everything my entire life, my education, everything. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Immediate_Revenue_90 on 2024-01-13 17:35:53+00:00.

I (24f) am graduating college this year. I dropped out at 18 for financial reasons and then went to community college. I graduated during the pandemic and transferred, taking 4 years at university since I worked and went as a part time student. I’ll be attending a credential program this fall and working in child development. I am having a small graduation party in June with my friends and family at my parents’ house.

My mom (51f) called me and said that a family friend Amy (24f) suggested that we have a joint party because her daughter Lila is graduating from kindergarten and said that Lila looks up to me and wants to share the party with me and we could save money.

I said absolutely not and that my graduation party would be boring for Lila and her friends, I would have to tell my friends not to swear or talk about anything adult, and nobody would want to hear about me or my degree because everyone would be focusing on the baby. My mom told Amy no.

Amy sent me a message saying that I broke Lila’s heart and I’m being ”self involved” and jealous of a 6 year old stealing the spotlight. Amy said that she deserves just as much recognition for raising kids and getting to this milestone as a parent and I said she sure does and she can do that at her own celebration, not at mine. She said “college isn’t a big deal, get over yourself“ and that I made a child cry because I wanted the attention to myself.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/EmotionalFan4852 on 2024-01-13 17:33:10+00:00.

So I 30f recently bought a house for my former nanny. My entire childhood I was raised by my nanny "Jane" as my mom was the breadwinner and my dad wasn't in the picture at all. Jane attended every after school activity, graduation and parent-teacher conference . Jane basically raised me and I see her as my second mom.

my mom employed Jane as a nanny/ housekeeper from when I was 2 until I was 28, when my mom passed away due to cancer. As a result I inherited everything. My mom was a successful surgeon with her own practice and my grandparents left her with a few properties in her home country. I have since rented the properties out giving me a good rental income.

Well after my mom passed away Jane was there for me, she helped me make all of the funeral arrangements and contact relatives from my mom's home country. After she helped me through this difficult time I wanted to do something nice to thank Jane.

As a birthday gift I surprised Jane with the deed to a 2 bed, 2 bath house in an area of the country she had always talked about wanting to retire at. Jane tried to decline the gift saying it was too much but I told her she was like a second mother to me and that this was the least I could do for her as thanks for raising me.

Well somehow word got back to my dad that I had bought a house for Jane and he turned up at my mom's old practice demanding to talk to me. I didn't even know who the man was as I've seen him less than 20 times in my entire life. He claimed to be my father and yelled at me for buying a house for a stranger" over someone who is family and says he and his family of 5 have been struggling financially.

He even had the audacity to say that I should buy a house for him and my half siblings (who I have never met) because they are my blood family and I owe it to them.

I laughed in his face and told him that Jane had been far more involved in my life growing up than he ever had and that I didn't care if he was struggling financially. Security then escorted him to his car and made sure he left the property.

My dad's side of the family have now been trying to reach out through Facebook. Complete strangers who I've never met saying I'm an asshole and that my mom never let him be part of my life. I know this is false since I remember my mom calling him over the years, asking him to pick me up on the weekends to spend time with me and he never did.

I tried to talk with my friend Aiden 34m about this problem who recently reconnected with his dad who he hadn't seen since he was 6 due to his dad being incarcerated. Aiden told me that my dad probably had a good reason for abandoning me and that I'm the asshole because "some people don't even have dads". I reminded him I was one of those people now he's refusing to talk to me.

So reddit Aita?.