Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Hovercraft286 on 2024-01-11 11:45:27+00:00.

SIL married my brother 10 years ago. They each had a daughter (both 18 now) from different relationships. My niece was really excited by the idea of a sibling and a bigger family. She used to ask her dad to give her a sibling when she was still in preschool and while she did stop asking, the wish remained. The fact she thought step-niece was the coolest and best person ever made the excitement more palpable. But it was clear from very early on that step-niece did not view my niece in the same kind of light. The girls were very different and very early on my niece became very demanding of step-niece's time and SIL and my brother were very eager to see them spend time together so they encouraged niece in her demandingness and would scold step-niece for wanting to put friends over her sister.

I became concerned about how demanding my niece was being. She wouldn't even ask step-niece if she wanted to do something, she would tell her, and neither my brother or SIL batted an eyelid. Step-niece would say no and my niece would tell her no was not an option. So I spoke about my concerns to my brother and he told me he knew it was going to push his stepdaughter away in the future but he also knew how much my niece wanted a sister and how much his wife wanted her daughter to accept his as a sister. So he wasn't going to get involved.

A confrontation happened between SIL and step-niece a couple of years ago that the rest of us were made aware of. SIL told step-niece that she would need to get used to having her sister in her life because when she grows up she's going to have to make the time for her and this is good practice for that. Step-niece told SIL that she could just not see her at all and SIL that wasn't a possibility and she would always be part of the family.

Step-niece turned 18 in July and she moved out of my brother and SILs house and has not been to visit or kept in touch with them since. My niece has tried to talk to her over DM or call but she has ignored her and maybe even blocked her in places. The only people this seemed to surprise was SIL and my niece. My niece cried for days about it and said she didn't understand while SIL has grumbled for months about it. But during Christmas it was at an all time bad and she showed up to the family celebration we had on the 30th and was blasting her daughter to everyone and saying how surprising her actions were. A lot of the family moved away from her but when she sat down next to me to do her vent, I told her only she and my niece were surprised and the rest of us saw her daughter's actions coming a mile off. I brought up that step-niece had even told her what she'd do 2 years ago and she didn't believe her.

SIL called me insensitive and told me nobody could have known a teenage girl was serious when she was having her little temper tantrum. She said most kids would never want to be away from their siblings or their families like that and it's cruel for me to lie and claim otherwise. AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/that1dudeuno on 2024-01-11 11:40:08+00:00.

So I enjoy fantasy settings and anime. Whenever I'm watching a show or a clip of a show online I can always hear my wife in the background making a nasally voice and imitating the characters. I brought this up to her attention and told her that it feels like she's mocking me. In response she started yelling that it was just jokes and I need to be less sensitive. This morning it happened again so I ignored it and now she's mad at me for having hurt feelings. Am I the asshole

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAFoodSquabble on 2024-01-11 11:16:51+00:00.

I’ve currently had to go to India for a family wedding. Honestly I don’t want to be here but my dad begged me to go with them so here I am.

My aunt cooks really really really spicy food. She also dumps way too much oil into it. Literally yesterday there was at least a clear centimetre of oil above the curry when she served the food.

I can’t stomach her cooking, I get sick. I also can’t stomach the condition she keeps the kitchen in, it’s filthy.

So once I got here I cleaned the kitchen, and cleaned the grocery larder. I’ve also been cooking for myself and my little one.

Now I don’t always cook desi food so my cousins have been asking to try. My parents also find it hard to digest my aunt’s cooking so they’ve been eating what I make too.

Slowly most of the house is eating what I make, not what she makes.

Just now at lunchtime she’s blown up at me for showing her up in her house and saying that I should just get out.

My dad got pissed off because it’s his house and he said if she ever threatens me again then she can leave.

Now my mum, who BTW when I was younger would literally just eat the snacks we brought in our suitcase instead of eating my aunt’s cooking, is saying I should’ve just sucked it up and that I’m the AH for causing divisions in the family.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAFoodSquabble on 2024-01-11 11:16:51+00:00.

I’ve currently had to go to India for a family wedding. Honestly I don’t want to be here but my dad begged me to go with them so here I am.

My aunt cooks really really really spicy food. She also dumps way too much oil into it. Literally yesterday there was at least a clear centimetre of oil above the curry when she served the food.

I can’t stomach her cooking, I get sick. I also can’t stomach the condition she keeps the kitchen in, it’s filthy.

So once I got here I cleaned the kitchen, and cleaned the grocery larder. I’ve also been cooking for myself and my little one.

Now I don’t always cook desi food so my cousins have been asking to try. My parents also find it hard to digest my aunt’s cooking so they’ve been eating what I make too.

Slowly most of the house is eating what I make, not what she makes.

Just now at lunchtime she’s blown up at me for showing her up in her house and saying that I should just get out.

My dad got pissed off because it’s his house and he said if she ever threatens me again then she can leave.

Now my mum, who BTW when I was younger would literally just eat the snacks we brought in our suitcase instead of eating my aunt’s cooking, is saying I should’ve just sucked it up and that I’m the AH for causing divisions in the family.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/007luckyduck on 2024-01-11 11:16:23+00:00.

My friend has a membership to a warehouse club where diapers are cheaper to buy. She offered to order some for my baby so I Venmo’ed her $50 for the diapers. She called to confirm my address, but then must have lost focus because she put in the wrong address, she had the diapers sent to a house I lived at 2 years ago! She doesn’t realize the mistake until I ask her to check on the shipment. She says right away that she messed up and put in my old address. It’s been delivered the day before. I went to my old house but no one would answer. Visited with an old neighbor while there and they said that in the past year they’ve never seen the people who live there outside and they don’t think they will ever answer the door. Over the next few days, I visit the house a couple times hoping to catch someone home, but they never answer the door. So, I give up and go buy diapers at Walmart.

She apologized, but never offered to even split the cost of her mistake. She’s a good friend and not normally like this, I trust her and think it was an honest mistake. Am I wrong for feeling like she should have offered to order anothger box at her expense or at least offered to split the expense and return 1/2 my money.Her friendship is more valuable then arguing over $50, just wondering if I’m an a hole for feeling a little bitter. Bugs me because I don’t feel like I contributed to the mistake, she offered to order, I gave the correct address, I tried to get the diapers back, I’m out $50.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/007luckyduck on 2024-01-11 11:16:23+00:00.

My friend has a membership to a warehouse club where diapers are cheaper to buy. She offered to order some for my baby so I Venmo’ed her $50 for the diapers. She called to confirm my address, but then must have lost focus because she put in the wrong address, she had the diapers sent to a house I lived at 2 years ago! She doesn’t realize the mistake until I ask her to check on the shipment. She says right away that she messed up and put in my old address. It’s been delivered the day before. I went to my old house but no one would answer. Visited with an old neighbor while there and they said that in the past year they’ve never seen the people who live there outside and they don’t think they will ever answer the door. Over the next few days, I visit the house a couple times hoping to catch someone home, but they never answer the door. So, I give up and go buy diapers at Walmart.

She apologized, but never offered to even split the cost of her mistake. She’s a good friend and not normally like this, I trust her and think it was an honest mistake. Am I wrong for feeling like she should have offered to order anothger box at her expense or at least offered to split the expense and return 1/2 my money.Her friendship is more valuable then arguing over $50, just wondering if I’m an a hole for feeling a little bitter. Bugs me because I don’t feel like I contributed to the mistake, she offered to order, I gave the correct address, I tried to get the diapers back, I’m out $50.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway01122003 on 2024-01-11 11:16:00+00:00.

Posting on this account because I have irls on my main and names are changed for privacy reasons.

I cant wrap my head around the situation I was caught in and i’m going to keep this very short. Me (20f) and my boyfriend (23m) went to the corner store to get some food before going to a friends house and I got chicken tenders and fries. I didn’t remember until after that I forgot to ask for ketchup packets.

I decided since we were going our friends house I would just ask him. Quick backstory, my boyfriend and this guy (21f) have been best friends for almost a decade, so we were very comfortable with him. Once we got to his best friends house I asked “hey I don’t mean to be a bother but do you have ketchup?” and he didn’t but he had another condiment, sriracha mayo, to which I said sure thanks.

A few minutes later him and his girlfriend whose he’s very off/on with started arguing via texts and I could tell because they were both on imessage (they had their brightness up) and a few minutes later they go to his room. Shortly after she hurriedly put her coat and shoes on and slams the door to which me and my boyfriend were very confused about.

Another backstory, my boyfriends best friend and this girl have been on and off for over a year and it is very common for them to argue even when the whole friend group is around.

Well, he ended up telling us she was mad because (and this is her words) his “two dumbass friends didn’t see what they did wrong”… I was so confused at this point and my boyfriends best friend and extremely upset. So, he told us that she had paid for the condiments that he let me have and that he didn’t have the right to just give it out? It’s not like I ate the entire bottle?… And if I knew it was hers I would’ve asked her but in my defense we were at my boyfriends friends house not hers so I just assumed it was his.

So.. AITA??? is this something I should apologize for???

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Odd_Roof8985 on 2024-01-11 10:47:56+00:00.

I (30M) have been teaching at a school for 2 years now. I am in my 7th year of teaching. I’m good at it, students like me and do well in my class.

The other teacher of my subject, Mr D (53M), has been at the school for 20 years. He is very particular about how he wants things done. Majority of students hate him because he is extremely rude and has anger issues. Many students have told me they think he is bi-polar because he goes from being overly friendly to aggressive at the drop of a hat. I always shut down these conversations. A student was talking about him and said “he has a specific expectation of what he wants you to do, but doesn’t tell you how to do it, and then gets angry when you haven’t done it the way he wants.” This sums him up perfectly and is relevant to what’s next.

Ever since I met him, Mr D has been extremely rude to me – ranging from passive aggressive comments to outright rudeness, to saying negative things about me to students. I have always brushed this off. My Head of Dept has even told him TWICE that this is unacceptable (I did not ask them to do this, they only told me about it after).

Several months ago Mr D flipped out over something minor, and came to my class while I was teaching and demanded I talk outside. He attacked how I teach, how he thinks I’m not teaching the students properly (by his standards), and how “this isn’t good enough”. This is incorrect, and I tried to get a word in but he wouldn’t let me.

This went on for a couple minutes as I stood there stunned. I turned around and looked in the room, and about half the class was listening to our conversation. I told him the conversation was over and went back inside. I literally could not speak I was so angry. I had to leave and go to the bathroom to collect myself. About 10 minutes later he sent me an email apologising. I emailed him back the next day and he apologised several more times.

Since then, I have ignored him beyond the only most essential communication, which I try to keep to email. He has noticed this, as he keeps coming up to me and trying to be nice and speak to me. I don’t give him anything beyond a one-word response and walking away.

The other day we had an assembly, and some students sang infront of the whole school. After he came up to me and said how nice it was, and I said “uh huh” and turned and walked away. Next period, he came to my class to speak to me again, and I said “it’s pretty obvious I’m busy right now, send me an email and if I have time I’ll reply”, turned my back on him and continued speaking to a student. One of my students saw this and said that they saw me walk away from him during the assembly (I have no idea how they saw this lol). They were laughing as they said it but said that I was being rude to him, which they found very funny because they don’t like him. I spoke to another teacher and they said that I was being rude and should be nicer to him.

So, AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway01122003 on 2024-01-11 11:16:00+00:00.

Posting on this account because I have irls on my main and names are changed for privacy reasons.

I cant wrap my head around the situation I was caught in and i’m going to keep this very short. Me (20f) and my boyfriend (23m) went to the corner store to get some food before going to a friends house and I got chicken tenders and fries. I didn’t remember until after that I forgot to ask for ketchup packets.

I decided since we were going our friends house I would just ask him. Quick backstory, my boyfriend and this guy (21f) have been best friends for almost a decade, so we were very comfortable with him. Once we got to his best friends house I asked “hey I don’t mean to be a bother but do you have ketchup?” and he didn’t but he had another condiment, sriracha mayo, to which I said sure thanks.

A few minutes later him and his girlfriend whose he’s very off/on with started arguing via texts and I could tell because they were both on imessage (they had their brightness up) and a few minutes later they go to his room. Shortly after she hurriedly put her coat and shoes on and slams the door to which me and my boyfriend were very confused about.

Another backstory, my boyfriends best friend and this girl have been on and off for over a year and it is very common for them to argue even when the whole friend group is around.

Well, he ended up telling us she was mad because (and this is her words) his “two dumbass friends didn’t see what they did wrong”… I was so confused at this point and my boyfriends best friend and extremely upset. So, he told us that she had paid for the condiments that he let me have and that he didn’t have the right to just give it out? It’s not like I ate the entire bottle?… And if I knew it was hers I would’ve asked her but in my defense we were at my boyfriends friends house not hers so I just assumed it was his.

So.. AITA??? is this something I should apologize for???

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Opening_Weakness_877 on 2024-01-11 10:29:27+00:00.

She(13) has been reading through a book series for some time now, ever since I bought her the first book as a birthday gift back in September. There are about 30 books ; it is a very long series.

Anyways, she started reading the final book last week. I didn't tell her that one of the two main characters is going to die. I know she has grown quite fond of him but figured it best to avoid spoilers.

What happened yesterday was that she got really upset and told me I should have given her a warning first. My brother also said I should have let her know so she can prepare for the bad ending.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Odd_Roof8985 on 2024-01-11 10:47:56+00:00.

I (30M) have been teaching at a school for 2 years now. I am in my 7th year of teaching. I’m good at it, students like me and do well in my class.

The other teacher of my subject, Mr D (53M), has been at the school for 20 years. He is very particular about how he wants things done. Majority of students hate him because he is extremely rude and has anger issues. Many students have told me they think he is bi-polar because he goes from being overly friendly to aggressive at the drop of a hat. I always shut down these conversations. A student was talking about him and said “he has a specific expectation of what he wants you to do, but doesn’t tell you how to do it, and then gets angry when you haven’t done it the way he wants.” This sums him up perfectly and is relevant to what’s next.

Ever since I met him, Mr D has been extremely rude to me – ranging from passive aggressive comments to outright rudeness, to saying negative things about me to students. I have always brushed this off. My Head of Dept has even told him TWICE that this is unacceptable (I did not ask them to do this, they only told me about it after).

Several months ago Mr D flipped out over something minor, and came to my class while I was teaching and demanded I talk outside. He attacked how I teach, how he thinks I’m not teaching the students properly (by his standards), and how “this isn’t good enough”. This is incorrect, and I tried to get a word in but he wouldn’t let me.

This went on for a couple minutes as I stood there stunned. I turned around and looked in the room, and about half the class was listening to our conversation. I told him the conversation was over and went back inside. I literally could not speak I was so angry. I had to leave and go to the bathroom to collect myself. About 10 minutes later he sent me an email apologising. I emailed him back the next day and he apologised several more times.

Since then, I have ignored him beyond the only most essential communication, which I try to keep to email. He has noticed this, as he keeps coming up to me and trying to be nice and speak to me. I don’t give him anything beyond a one-word response and walking away.

The other day we had an assembly, and some students sang infront of the whole school. After he came up to me and said how nice it was, and I said “uh huh” and turned and walked away. Next period, he came to my class to speak to me again, and I said “it’s pretty obvious I’m busy right now, send me an email and if I have time I’ll reply”, turned my back on him and continued speaking to a student. One of my students saw this and said that they saw me walk away from him during the assembly (I have no idea how they saw this lol). They were laughing as they said it but said that I was being rude to him, which they found very funny because they don’t like him. I spoke to another teacher and they said that I was being rude and should be nicer to him.

So, AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Opening_Weakness_877 on 2024-01-11 10:29:27+00:00.

She(13) has been reading through a book series for some time now, ever since I bought her the first book as a birthday gift back in September. There are about 30 books ; it is a very long series.

Anyways, she started reading the final book last week. I didn't tell her that one of the two main characters is going to die. I know she has grown quite fond of him but figured it best to avoid spoilers.

What happened yesterday was that she got really upset and told me I should have given her a warning first. My brother also said I should have let her know so she can prepare for the bad ending.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Actuator7856 on 2024-01-11 10:24:01+00:00.

I (F), 37 years old, married with 2 kids have been dealing for the past 2 months with all these uncomfortable discussions around who takes what after our father passed away some months ago.

My sister (28) and recently married is proceeding to taking over the sole family house that we ever owned as a family (my mother is still alive and living in that house).

According to my father’s latest statements and due to the fact that he didn’t manage to give my sister the same amount of money as he did to me (~55k euros), he wanted the family house to go to her since he always believed that it is worth around the same amount.

However this is not the case as it is valued at ~80k euros.

Last week I spoke to my mother about this, telling her that either way I see it, (financially or sentimentally) I feel left out and I would like them to consider me taking a small portion (1/5 or 1/4) so that I can have something from my parents as well.

AITA for wanting to discuss this with my sister who is a step away from signing papers (although I also have to consent so that my portion goes to her)? I am stuck and do not know how to approach this so as to avoid frustration and possibly bitter feelings.

On top, my dear hubby is threatening me with a divorce if I don’t step up and claim what is rightfully mine (I hate him for that as it is none of his business and the money I got from my parents were to finish his house, get married etc)

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Actuator7856 on 2024-01-11 10:24:01+00:00.

I (F), 37 years old, married with 2 kids have been dealing for the past 2 months with all these uncomfortable discussions around who takes what after our father passed away some months ago.

My sister (28) and recently married is proceeding to taking over the sole family house that we ever owned as a family (my mother is still alive and living in that house).

According to my father’s latest statements and due to the fact that he didn’t manage to give my sister the same amount of money as he did to me (~55k euros), he wanted the family house to go to her since he always believed that it is worth around the same amount.

However this is not the case as it is valued at ~80k euros.

Last week I spoke to my mother about this, telling her that either way I see it, (financially or sentimentally) I feel left out and I would like them to consider me taking a small portion (1/5 or 1/4) so that I can have something from my parents as well.

AITA for wanting to discuss this with my sister who is a step away from signing papers (although I also have to consent so that my portion goes to her)? I am stuck and do not know how to approach this so as to avoid frustration and possibly bitter feelings.

On top, my dear hubby is threatening me with a divorce if I don’t step up and claim what is rightfully mine (I hate him for that as it is none of his business and the money I got from my parents were to finish his house, get married etc)

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sparklyangel_ on 2024-01-11 10:22:25+00:00.

AITA for not telling my friend's I'm bisexual?

I, 17f am bisexual and have dated two girls in the past, I've only told my online friends about these interactions and they mistook me for being a lesbian, I didn't want to correct them as I didn't want to be that one person like: "How dare you assume my gender" as from what you guys can tell, I don't express what my gender is outright as I'm decently shy.

My close friend, let's call him Ben (18m) for privacy... and he knows I'm bisexual, I invited him to join a discord server with my online friends as he's been bored recently, and when I leave the call do go do something, one of my online friends asks 'so how's ( )'s girlfriend?' (I had a boyfriend at the time but they believed it was a girlfriend, as they mistook it for me dating one of my exes)

Obviously Ben would be confused, as he knew I had a boyfriend at the time but he didn't say anything to online friend, and proceeded to spam call me till I answered and asked "Since when were you lesbian??" and I explained, but the thing is I feel like such an asshole for not correcting my online friends, I already explained the situation to them and they understand, but one is conflicted on whether or not I was just stupid not correcting them.

Was I the asshole for not correcting them and just staying silent? I just feel honestly awful for not correcting them and now some are mad at me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sparklyangel_ on 2024-01-11 10:22:25+00:00.

AITA for not telling my friend's I'm bisexual?

I, 17f am bisexual and have dated two girls in the past, I've only told my online friends about these interactions and they mistook me for being a lesbian, I didn't want to correct them as I didn't want to be that one person like: "How dare you assume my gender" as from what you guys can tell, I don't express what my gender is outright as I'm decently shy.

My close friend, let's call him Ben (18m) for privacy... and he knows I'm bisexual, I invited him to join a discord server with my online friends as he's been bored recently, and when I leave the call do go do something, one of my online friends asks 'so how's ( )'s girlfriend?' (I had a boyfriend at the time but they believed it was a girlfriend, as they mistook it for me dating one of my exes)

Obviously Ben would be confused, as he knew I had a boyfriend at the time but he didn't say anything to online friend, and proceeded to spam call me till I answered and asked "Since when were you lesbian??" and I explained, but the thing is I feel like such an asshole for not correcting my online friends, I already explained the situation to them and they understand, but one is conflicted on whether or not I was just stupid not correcting them.

Was I the asshole for not correcting them and just staying silent? I just feel honestly awful for not correcting them and now some are mad at me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sassysaasu on 2024-01-11 10:05:43+00:00.

so I am 30M and my best friend is 32M. We have been flatmates for 3 years and in these years I have made myself very clear that I am not comfortable with him or anyone else having sex on my bed. You do whatever you want in your room. I’m a person who shares everything esp with my best friend but this is just the personal boundary I drew for myself.

We recently went on a trip to a beach destination but I was staying in a different hotel than his boyfriend and him. My hotel just happened to be nicer and since I had pool access I invited the two of them to spend the day in my hotel so we could swim.

At some point I went to shower and I later learnt that while I was showering they had sex on my bed. I got upset about this.

My friend says I am overreacting and it’s a hotel so he thought it wouldn’t matter. My point is that it’s just something I’m not comfortable with and I feel my boundary has been violated. I wasn’t even asked.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sassysaasu on 2024-01-11 10:05:43+00:00.

so I am 30M and my best friend is 32M. We have been flatmates for 3 years and in these years I have made myself very clear that I am not comfortable with him or anyone else having sex on my bed. You do whatever you want in your room. I’m a person who shares everything esp with my best friend but this is just the personal boundary I drew for myself.

We recently went on a trip to a beach destination but I was staying in a different hotel than his boyfriend and him. My hotel just happened to be nicer and since I had pool access I invited the two of them to spend the day in my hotel so we could swim.

At some point I went to shower and I later learnt that while I was showering they had sex on my bed. I got upset about this.

My friend says I am overreacting and it’s a hotel so he thought it wouldn’t matter. My point is that it’s just something I’m not comfortable with and I feel my boundary has been violated. I wasn’t even asked.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Downtown-Ad726 on 2024-01-11 10:01:42+00:00.

I (21M) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for two and a half years and live in a second dwelling on my parents’ property. My mum is currently planning a lunch with our extended family on her 50th birthday in March. It will be on a Saturday which both of us work every week. I work in retail and have already been approved for leave for that day. My boyfriend works in a profession where Saturdays are a busy day but his boss is a very nice and understanding person, and they have discussed other days off before and my boyfriend has never been told no. (I do not live in the US where PTO is frowned upon, it is very normalised in my country)

I have asked for my boyfriend to take the day off so he can come, he told me no and told me to ask my mum to move it to a Sunday, and only then will he come. I haven’t asked my mum to move the day, as I believe it’s unreasonable to expect her to move the lunch just for him. Obviously he is not required to come, but for how well he knows my parents and how long we’ve been together, I thought it was expected that he would take the day off especially considering she only celebrates every 10 years, so this would be the first time while dating him that she has planned something.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Downtown-Ad726 on 2024-01-11 10:01:42+00:00.

I (21M) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for two and a half years and live in a second dwelling on my parents’ property. My mum is currently planning a lunch with our extended family on her 50th birthday in March. It will be on a Saturday which both of us work every week. I work in retail and have already been approved for leave for that day. My boyfriend works in a profession where Saturdays are a busy day but his boss is a very nice and understanding person, and they have discussed other days off before and my boyfriend has never been told no. (I do not live in the US where PTO is frowned upon, it is very normalised in my country)

I have asked for my boyfriend to take the day off so he can come, he told me no and told me to ask my mum to move it to a Sunday, and only then will he come. I haven’t asked my mum to move the day, as I believe it’s unreasonable to expect her to move the lunch just for him. Obviously he is not required to come, but for how well he knows my parents and how long we’ve been together, I thought it was expected that he would take the day off especially considering she only celebrates every 10 years, so this would be the first time while dating him that she has planned something.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/crowaway12321 on 2024-01-11 09:35:20+00:00.

My(31F) mom and I had a fight over Xmas. I drove 5 hours to visit her, I sent her $150gc to contribute to the food costs for me, sister, bro, SIL and nephew.

Mom was pushy on things that don't matter. Politely declining something, changing the subject or leaving the room doesn't work, so after several attempts at calmly declining something I have to snap and be blunt or raise my voice. Making me the bad person.

The Fight: I was prepping the turkey brine and said I wanted space and to be alone in the kitchen, and asked if now was a good time, or should I come back. I was told by all, including mom, that now was good. I go into the kitchen and am followed in by my mom. I say, "oh, you need the kitchen, I'll just come back in 10" and she immediately got huffy and said "No I'm just leaving". OK cool. I take a breath as she leaves and go to start, she's ALREADY back in the kitchen, repeat 4 times. This is when I Yell "I don't know how I could have been any clearer" and then she starts shrieking at me. My sister then came in and started yelling at me to clean the kitchen (before I finished using it??). More context, my sister (38F) who lives at home does less cleaning in 3 months than I would do in the quick weekend trips I do, and my brother(35M)does 0.

I walk away. My mom calls after me to fuck off and I say"I will in the morning if thats ok, its too late at night now". I'm staying in a room at the bottom of the stairs. Im FOLLOWED down the stairs and can't shut the door because my mom is forcing it open. So I just say, "I would just like some space can you leave me alone" repeatedly, each time a bit louder until it's considered yelling and then my sister comes storming down forcing the door even further open to yell at me, so I change my repeated comment to "I respect your boundaries, please respect mine" having to get louder and louder until I'm louder than them. Finally they stop yelling and storm away. I sleep on it and leave first thing in the morning.

I've been on/off contact with my mom, as shes really toxic. I never receive apologies, the narrative is that I'm the problem poor her and the only reason we start contact again is because an event will occur and I'll feel obligated to show support.

It's been 3 weeks and my sis mesged me to tell me that this might be it for our uncle and mom has flown over to see him.

I used to be really close with him when I was little, even though he lived so far away we would email constantly and chat on MSN. It stopped abruptly when he started making really specific comments about my body based on family photos mom was sending him and it made me super uncomfortable. I was 11. But he was in a different country, i never opened another email/chat from him again and I never reached out to him again. I've told no one.

I feel obligated to call my mom and show support, but I don't want to. I asked my friend what I should do, and she thinks I should still call.

Would I be the asshole if I don't make contact?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/crowaway12321 on 2024-01-11 09:35:20+00:00.

My(31F) mom and I had a fight over Xmas. I drove 5 hours to visit her, I sent her $150gc to contribute to the food costs for me, sister, bro, SIL and nephew.

Mom was pushy on things that don't matter. Politely declining something, changing the subject or leaving the room doesn't work, so after several attempts at calmly declining something I have to snap and be blunt or raise my voice. Making me the bad person.

The Fight: I was prepping the turkey brine and said I wanted space and to be alone in the kitchen, and asked if now was a good time, or should I come back. I was told by all, including mom, that now was good. I go into the kitchen and am followed in by my mom. I say, "oh, you need the kitchen, I'll just come back in 10" and she immediately got huffy and said "No I'm just leaving". OK cool. I take a breath as she leaves and go to start, she's ALREADY back in the kitchen, repeat 4 times. This is when I Yell "I don't know how I could have been any clearer" and then she starts shrieking at me. My sister then came in and started yelling at me to clean the kitchen (before I finished using it??). More context, my sister (38F) who lives at home does less cleaning in 3 months than I would do in the quick weekend trips I do, and my brother(35M)does 0.

I walk away. My mom calls after me to fuck off and I say"I will in the morning if thats ok, its too late at night now". I'm staying in a room at the bottom of the stairs. Im FOLLOWED down the stairs and can't shut the door because my mom is forcing it open. So I just say, "I would just like some space can you leave me alone" repeatedly, each time a bit louder until it's considered yelling and then my sister comes storming down forcing the door even further open to yell at me, so I change my repeated comment to "I respect your boundaries, please respect mine" having to get louder and louder until I'm louder than them. Finally they stop yelling and storm away. I sleep on it and leave first thing in the morning.

I've been on/off contact with my mom, as shes really toxic. I never receive apologies, the narrative is that I'm the problem poor her and the only reason we start contact again is because an event will occur and I'll feel obligated to show support.

It's been 3 weeks and my sis mesged me to tell me that this might be it for our uncle and mom has flown over to see him.

I used to be really close with him when I was little, even though he lived so far away we would email constantly and chat on MSN. It stopped abruptly when he started making really specific comments about my body based on family photos mom was sending him and it made me super uncomfortable. I was 11. But he was in a different country, i never opened another email/chat from him again and I never reached out to him again. I've told no one.

I feel obligated to call my mom and show support, but I don't want to. I asked my friend what I should do, and she thinks I should still call.

Would I be the asshole if I don't make contact?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/One_Case1126 on 2024-01-11 09:25:25+00:00.

I (39f) have been friends with Mary (38f) since we were teens. We've travelled together, worked together, I was her bridesmaid.

In 2020 me, Mary and our partners and my baby would see each other for a few hours every couple of weeks at my house. It was nice and something to look forward to when 3/4 of us were out of work. I knew she was fond of having a couple to hang out with that they were both compatable with, and this was the first time when that consistently occurred as a 4 for us.

Since then, she had a baby, I had a 2nd baby, who was rushed for surgery day 1 of life, and into ICU 2.5 hours from home. My partner and I bought an old house and have been renovating it fully, doing alot of the work ourselves.

A year ago Mary told me she felt lonely some days and was sad we didn't hang out as a 4 often now, that I didn't always reply to her messages promptly, left her on read (her messages can be really long) and she was offended I left her out of a lunch I had with a mutual friend. I thought she was busy that day and we met for lunch on a whim, no prior planning. I apologised and explained I love her and she means so much to me, but it's busy having 2 kids and planning a reno. My baby had also been back to ICU. I said I would try harder and I was glad she came to me, and I hoped in the future if she was upset, she could talk to me.

Life got busier, different schedules made it hard to make arrangements as a 4. Even just meeting with kids ourselves was tricky with naps/she doesn't drive. Last year we only saw each other a handful of times and they were mostly with one/two other people and kids, and she was notably glum every time, every time I saw her she would tell me how stressed she was. I sent a text after one meetup asking if she would consider talking to her GP about stress and she ignored me. She actually took offence to a couple of things I said during these meets and last summer told our mutual friend (lunch friend) how I didn't care about her and I was an awful friend. Lunch friend tipped me off as she didn't agree with Mary, she asked me for my side of a few interactions, I sent her text exchanges between me and Mary where I had set boundaries that Mary seemed fine with.

When confronted, Mary doubled down on how I didn't care and seemed really fixated on meeting up as a 4 even though I had listed so many barriers to meeting up freely like we used to. We met to talk before Xmas and I explained I wasn't trying to put distance between us, life happens. She messaged me yesterday saying she was upset we were not back on track meeting as 4. I said I didn't want to do that/set a precedent and suggested we meet by ourselves with kids. She got really angry and said some hurtful things. I feel I set a clear boundary and offered an alternative way to see each other, but after that, she accused me of cutting her out of my life, dissatisfied with meeting up just us and the kids.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/One_Case1126 on 2024-01-11 09:25:25+00:00.

I (39f) have been friends with Mary (38f) since we were teens. We've travelled together, worked together, I was her bridesmaid.

In 2020 me, Mary and our partners and my baby would see each other for a few hours every couple of weeks at my house. It was nice and something to look forward to when 3/4 of us were out of work. I knew she was fond of having a couple to hang out with that they were both compatable with, and this was the first time when that consistently occurred as a 4 for us.

Since then, she had a baby, I had a 2nd baby, who was rushed for surgery day 1 of life, and into ICU 2.5 hours from home. My partner and I bought an old house and have been renovating it fully, doing alot of the work ourselves.

A year ago Mary told me she felt lonely some days and was sad we didn't hang out as a 4 often now, that I didn't always reply to her messages promptly, left her on read (her messages can be really long) and she was offended I left her out of a lunch I had with a mutual friend. I thought she was busy that day and we met for lunch on a whim, no prior planning. I apologised and explained I love her and she means so much to me, but it's busy having 2 kids and planning a reno. My baby had also been back to ICU. I said I would try harder and I was glad she came to me, and I hoped in the future if she was upset, she could talk to me.

Life got busier, different schedules made it hard to make arrangements as a 4. Even just meeting with kids ourselves was tricky with naps/she doesn't drive. Last year we only saw each other a handful of times and they were mostly with one/two other people and kids, and she was notably glum every time, every time I saw her she would tell me how stressed she was. I sent a text after one meetup asking if she would consider talking to her GP about stress and she ignored me. She actually took offence to a couple of things I said during these meets and last summer told our mutual friend (lunch friend) how I didn't care about her and I was an awful friend. Lunch friend tipped me off as she didn't agree with Mary, she asked me for my side of a few interactions, I sent her text exchanges between me and Mary where I had set boundaries that Mary seemed fine with.

When confronted, Mary doubled down on how I didn't care and seemed really fixated on meeting up as a 4 even though I had listed so many barriers to meeting up freely like we used to. We met to talk before Xmas and I explained I wasn't trying to put distance between us, life happens. She messaged me yesterday saying she was upset we were not back on track meeting as 4. I said I didn't want to do that/set a precedent and suggested we meet by ourselves with kids. She got really angry and said some hurtful things. I feel I set a clear boundary and offered an alternative way to see each other, but after that, she accused me of cutting her out of my life, dissatisfied with meeting up just us and the kids.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Remote-Bookkeeper-99 on 2024-01-11 09:21:29+00:00.

Hii, first time poster so here goes: My boyfriend has been off work on annual leave since Friday and he has to get up for work at 3am tomorrow (12th Jan). He asked me last time (10th Jan) to wake him up in the morning when I got ready for work.

The morning: My alarms went off at 6:45am, they woke me. They did not wake him. Not a problem. I got out of bed at 7am and woke him, he didn't stir. I showered. I got dressed. It was now 7:40am, I give him a nudge and he doesn't stir.

I now have to go to work. So I decide to set an alarm on his phone for 9am. He didn't specifically say what time he wanted waking, only that he did so that the 3am alarm tomorrow AM (12th) is less painful.

When his alarm went off at 9am, he said it was wrong for me to set the alarm because he had asked me to wake him. I had tried. Twice. I had work and adult responsibilities to go and do.

AITA for setting an alarm to wake him an hour later because he was clearly still asleep? Should I have pursued waking him naturally, even though I had work to get to?