Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Remote-Bookkeeper-99 on 2024-01-11 09:21:29+00:00.

Hii, first time poster so here goes: My boyfriend has been off work on annual leave since Friday and he has to get up for work at 3am tomorrow (12th Jan). He asked me last time (10th Jan) to wake him up in the morning when I got ready for work.

The morning: My alarms went off at 6:45am, they woke me. They did not wake him. Not a problem. I got out of bed at 7am and woke him, he didn't stir. I showered. I got dressed. It was now 7:40am, I give him a nudge and he doesn't stir.

I now have to go to work. So I decide to set an alarm on his phone for 9am. He didn't specifically say what time he wanted waking, only that he did so that the 3am alarm tomorrow AM (12th) is less painful.

When his alarm went off at 9am, he said it was wrong for me to set the alarm because he had asked me to wake him. I had tried. Twice. I had work and adult responsibilities to go and do.

AITA for setting an alarm to wake him an hour later because he was clearly still asleep? Should I have pursued waking him naturally, even though I had work to get to?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/southern_girl1014 on 2024-01-11 09:00:23+00:00.

WIBTA if I email/talk to my property manager about my neighbors feeding stray cats?

Backstory: my bf and I moved into our apartment beginning of November and I noticed small tupperware containers close to some bushes right by our door. Now if you knew me you’d know I really don’t get down with cats, but especially cats I don’t know and can’t determine their temperament. (Yea I’m high key afraid of most cats that I meet, is it crazy YES! Do I care NO!) Well lately the containers are getting closer and closer to our apartment door, I’ll move them and they keep being moved back closer to our door. The crazy part is the first cat that we saw on our move in day actually seems very chill. Like I’m no longer afraid to walk past her or anything, even joke about her being our bestie🤣 (my bf was judging me cause on move in day I wouldn’t walk up to our door by myself cause she was too close for me!)

Now: the issue I’m having is that lately there’s more cats coming out of nowhere cause of the food this lady is leaving out. Last night I came home and there was 3/4 cats surrounding my door, I stopped soooooo fucking fast and called my bf to come open the door😭. Usually they scatter off but now there’s one or two that won’t move away as much as I’d like. Also I’d like to point out that my neighbor could be trying to avoid paying the $300 deposit and monthly $35 rent for the cat to live in her apartment because from a conversation I overheard it seems like she only intends on feeding the original cat because she followed her home one day (this cat also looks very well taken care of, could actually be my neighbors cat but I’m not familiar on how outside cats work. Like is there such a thing as full time outside cats?) but obviously if she doesn’t finish the food other strays will. Our apartment complex has a rule that states you can be charged a $500 dollar fee if they find out about unknown animals in your care and I would hate for them to charge my neighbors, but there’s no guarantee that they will so redditors please help me!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mountain_starlight on 2024-01-11 08:47:12+00:00.

For context: We have been friends for years. All through out high school my best friend, we’ll call her Morgan dated her now fiancé Jack. Morgan and Jack are getting married in August of this year. Leading up to her engagement she expressed to me she wanted me to be her maid of honor. She straight out asked me to be because she “couldn’t imagine anyone else.” Jack also heavily involved me in the planning of the proposal! Fast forward to now: I have been helping plan everything for Morgan, bridesmaid proposals, bachelorette party, ceremony, catering, venues, reception, after party, honeymoon and budgeting for all events. I joking made the comment while I was showing her the new budget breakdown, “I guess since I’m your built in MOH we don’t have to worry about a MOH proposal in the budget.” Morgan then told me, “we’ll actually we still need to budget for that because I want Lindsey (her sister) to be my official MOH.” I was like, woah pause, I have been doing ALL of the heavy lifting for the better part of a year and you’re now telling me I’m not going to be your MOH? She then told me, “we’ll you’re like my secret MOH, you can still be my MOH and do all the MOH things but Lindsey will just be my official one.” I don’t know why this really bothered me. I’m still apart of the bridal party but I’m being expected to do everything I mentioned earlier while Lindsey is being expected to do nothing because “she is too irresponsible.” I won’t be given credit either as not to embarrass Lindsey. I honestly want to relinquish all this unnecessary stress and responsibility. AITA for not wanting to be her second secret MOH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Superb-Cress8661 on 2024-01-11 08:43:52+00:00.

My (30M) nephew (7M) turned 7 on Saturday. We have always been very close, as I spend a lot of time babysitting him while his parents work.

He turned 7 on Saturday and the whole family got together for dinner, and slowly filtered out towards the end of the night. By the end I was the last one left and we did some drawing together, and the last interaction we had was "love you lots, bye" and a big hug, like usual. Before that we agreed I would pick him up from school to go out today for a birthday dinner and some cake, just me and him.

Since then something has changed. I have seen him 3 times and he has completely blanked me. Not everyone, just me. He makes a point to talk to other people in front of me and doesn't even look at me when I'm talking to him. Even to the point of he was asking for medicine for his cough but didn't even acknowledge me trying to give him any. I've tried explaining this is hurtful, asking why, and I'm getting nothing in response. He is his usual self with everyone else.

I now won't see him until later today and honestly, part of me is hurt and doesn't want to spend the quality time together and just take him home to the family, but mainly I'm concerned about taking him out and being completely ignored out in public which to me seems like it could become a safety concern. I also don't want to reward bad behaviour.

I'm worried I might just be justifying punishing him for having my feelings hurt and also not being understanding of his age, and I don't have my own children or experience with 7 year olds as he is my only nephew. I also don't want to make things worse by not taking him and having him resent me for it.

Thanks.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Key_Performance_4616 on 2024-01-11 08:28:54+00:00.

So we have been looking into apartments, or rather I have. No big deal since id rather be the one doing it anyway. I know the prerequisites that both of us want/need in a place. My boyfriend seriously has something against driving a "long distance" from work. Like he would complain if its more than 30 mins away. I was trying to find places in the middle as i drive about 45 mins to work, now i dont really mind it since i live rent free atm and i myself am not going to throw a kiniption over having to commute a bit.

The thing is its hard to find places that fit the criteria within the budget. We both make about the same, and my job is kind of specialized so its not like i could easily find one in a new area. Same with him plus hes been there for like 7 years and im not going to ask that from someone.

So i guess to cut the story short, i found some places veryy close to his work that check all boxes. Im talking less than 10 mins away. Now i would be okay with that, but I'd almost expect him to pay a bit more because of that. It will be cheaper for him vehicular wise, and he will get more free time with that short of a commute. I feel like that satisfies my justice complex, but it could also come off as shitty or bossy, i dont know. Just looking for outside perspective on if i would be an ahole for expecting that.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ocelot330 on 2024-01-11 08:21:16+00:00.

I (34m) live with a friend & her family. My friend(40) was friends with a guy(22) who ended up dating her daughter(23). A few years back my friend & the guy had a falling out because he lied about something to save face, then manipulated text in an attempt to turn my friends daughter against her. The daughter found out & stopped seeing him. Now, a few years later, he's coming around again & everyone is cool with it, except me. Not willing to be a prick to him, but him being around & sleeping in our home after only a month of being back around makes me really uncomfortable but no one else cares.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RelativeYam91 on 2024-01-11 04:17:29+00:00.

My relationship with my mom is very damaged and there's not a lot of love between. My issue with her is that she didn't help me with things that I could have had help with like college tuition, car, etc. To put it in perspective, I needed new glasses and she wouldn't give me a current health insurance card. She kept on making excuses until I called her HR up and they said she took me off her plan. So I ended up paying $100 for glasses when I could had gotten two pairs for free. I walked around with missing teeth (congenital) because I couldn't afford implants in college but she had money to buy my brother a car and fix my sister's teeth from meth.

I ended up coming home one day and my mom moved in my sister into my room. I got kicked out. I found a studio and long story short, I came close to being homeless two years later because I lost my job and didn't have a lot of savings. I told my mom this and she said I couldn't move in with her. Which was funny because I'd rather live in a tent than with her. But that hurt to hear that. Ironically I was the only kid who paid rent when I was living with her.

I struggled and struggled and eventually got on my feet financially and got a decent place to rent. I told her this and she said "I want you to know if you ever need a place to stay then you can move back in." I wanted to call her out and say that you're only offering help when I don't need it and you're a horrible person for doing that.

A couple of years passed with almost no contact. She emails me and asks if I could loan her a few grand for her rent. It went up and she has financial issues. I'm single and makes close to 100K a year with my expenses being only $3000 a month. A few grand isn't a lot.

I thought about it and said no. I told her there are so many reasons why to pick from but the main reason is you literally told me I couldn't live with you when I was borderline homeless. Then I get on my feet with no help from you and then you say that I can live with you when I don't need to anymore? That's fucked up.

So I'm sure we'll never talk again. Out of the blue my aunt emails me saying to just loan her the money. She said I don't want to see my mother homeless. If something happened to her then I'd never forgive myself. Plus I'm the only childless child so I have money unlike my my siblings.

I thought about it and still said no.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DPP-Ghost on 2024-01-11 02:41:11+00:00.

There's a few moving pieces to this, so bear with me.

My argument with my cousin:

A while back my [31F] cousin [27F] and I got into a very heated argument. The short of it is: my cousin announced that she's trying to start a family, and I questioned whether that's the wisest decision, given that neither her nor her partner are even capable of being functional adults, let alone parents. The argument ended in her disowning me. We haven't spoken since, and I don't intend to ever speak to her again.

Since then I've learnt that my cousin has fallen pregnant.

I consult for a company that my cousin's BF works at:

For the past six years I've been consulting for a client in various capacities: first as a lawyer, then as a lobbyist.

The client and I have a very strong relationship. Put it this way: last Christmas, my client's CEO even invited me down to her beach house. This isn't really relevant, I only mention it because of an accusation my cousin's BF made that I will explain below.

My cousin's BF [20s-something M] is employed by the client in some IT role. He's been there for a few years.

The altercation:

Last week I was working on-site when I bumped into my cousin's BF in the cafeteria. Quite literally. He purposefully rammed his shoulders into me as we passed. When I looked back at him he said, "watch your back, mate.".

I reported this incident to my client's HR department, and shortly afterwards, my client's CEO reached out to ask about the incident. When she asked me what I would like to happen, I told her that I am happy to defer to her HR department and what they believe to be the more appropriate way forward.

My client's HR department decided to suspend my cousin's BF pending an investigation.

This has caused multiple members of my extended family to be very upset at me. They said I shouldn't have escalated internal family drama externally. And now that my cousin's BF's job is on the line, that's causing her a lot of stress, which is—apparently—impacting the pregnancy.

Apparently, my cousin's BF even accused me of using my relationship with my client to "unfairly" influence the situation.

Let's be clear: I didn't do anything. I didn't start a fight with my cousin's BF. Nor did I effect his suspension. That was his HR department's decision. So, from where I'm standing, I'm completely innocent. Am I wrong?

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Function3648 on 2024-01-11 01:54:42+00:00.

My fiancé has a hard time accepting my child(12) Sweet boy very social loves being around her and I. She reminds me that he is not her responsibility often which I understand completely but recently I communicated to her that I’m picking up my son from school because he enjoys being at my house more then his mothers. she became angry and said that I have him “too frequent” so I ended up lying to him saying I was stuck at work to protect his feelings I’m a full time father of course I am going to want my child and of course he can come here anytime he pleases I want him to feel he can come and go as he pleases. She finally told me how she really felt her exact words were “ I feel like I can’t be myself when he is here, I feel like we have a visitor when he’s here” that ripped me apart to the point I just give up - there are plenty of other conflicts between us due to my son that brought me to this point we also have a child together

AITA for finally saying enough is enough?

P.S i’m remaining respectful and kind to her through this process. We are in a in-home separation situation. We both make great money, but it wouldn’t be financially appropriate for one of us to move out of the house as of now.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Optimal-Assistant-63 on 2024-01-11 00:01:41+00:00.

Am I the Asshole for outing my friend’s new boyfriend?

I (22M straight) told my best friend (23F straight) that her new boyfriend (23M ?gay?bi?) is gay.

My friend told me about her new boyfriend, whom I used to be friends with. Our friendship unfortunately ended because he confessed his feelings for me, both sexual and emotional, and would often try to initiate sexual acts, which i’m not into.

Months later, my friend tells me she’s in a relationship with this man. He (very recently) has tried to rekindle things with me, and I’m aware that he is sleeping with other men. She is/was under the impression that he is purely straight, and also not sexually active (he told her that he’s a virgin).

I told her everything about what he tried to do with me, about his encounters with men, and showed her his active Grindr profile. I would want to know if my new partner was lying to me, and I also think it’s important to know in terms of sexual safety (STIs etc). She isn’t going to say anything to him so he will never know she knows.

Am I the asshole for sort of outing him to her?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GalaxyGirl2234 on 2024-01-10 23:29:02+00:00.

For context, I’m 17f. Been seeing this psychiatrist for years and Monday I had a… rough appointment. She had been on maternity leave and I hadn’t seen her for months, but she finally came back and was confused about the fact that I had gotten a test for autism since I hadn’t mentioned it to her (still awaiting results). I tried explaining that plus a few other things privately but she shut me down, called me a child and naive. She leaves the room and comes back 10 minutes later with my mom. I assume she had told my mom everything I had told her. She proceeds to try and have a conversation with me about some difficult topics and I oblige, trying my best to answer but she keeps not listening to me and putting me down. She does say, however, that she didn’t tell my mom about a specific thing she and I had talked about, but I didn’t know if she had talked to my mom about anything else. The next day, I still felt scared and betrayed so I made a bad review saying that she had broken confidentiality because I believed she had on some level as in my state, I have medical independence and that I may have to report her to the board (admittedly, I was extremely emotional and wasn’t actually going to do this, but I acknowledge I threatened them and was unprofessional and rude). Today, my parents got a call saying that they’ve excused us from the practice and I’m not allowed to come back. How morally fucked am I?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/isssaryn on 2024-01-10 22:15:09+00:00.

EDIT: Please understand I am not from America! I’m from Europe. This is in fact how college “works” in my country. I know it might sound strange if you’re thinking about American college. (Homeroom teachers and all) but this is how college works in my country.

Before this starts I would like to apologize for any spelling mistakes. English is not my first language.

I (F21) have been going to college since September of last year. From September to November we had a really nice lady as our main professor (homeroom teacher). She was already at the end of pregnancy when we started the school year so unfortunately she had to go. In December, we got a different professor (M38). I’ll call him K. K was a nice guy. He wasn’t too old, so he got along with a lot of the students, he was funny and everyone who knew him loved him.

A week before winter break, he had everyone do a PowerPoint presentation about themselves. Which, although some of us found childish, we all liked him so nobody complained. Multiple students did their presentations before me, and all was fine, until it was my turn.

I am a contortionist and the summer before college I got to perform in a travelling circus. I had been to that circus many times before so it was very cool that I got to be part of the show. Contortion being my biggest hobby, I obviously mentioned it in my presentation.

When I mentioned that I got to perform in a circus, and that it was my dream job, K burst out laughing. He said: “I’ve never heard someone be this excited to be a clown”. Everyone else in class started to laugh. It’s a bit ignorant to assume that everyone in a circus is a clown, but fine. My mood changed however when I showed them a picture of me in contortion. (Like many poses in contortion, I was pretty much bent in half). When I showed that picture, one of my classmates yelled: “Now that’s an arched back”, to which K, who should be more professional than that, responded: “I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom”. My heart dropped when he said that. I could not believe it. I refused to finish my presentation. My classmates said I was overreacting.

After class, when I was about to walk out, I turned to K and said: “Gross joke”. Then he said: “We’re all adults here. We can joke with each other. Sometimes you just have to put your ‘big girl pants’ on and suck it up”. I didn’t respond and walked out. At home I could not stop crying because I really felt uncomfortable with that joke. I can usually handle it, but for some reason I felt like an idiot standing there.

I told my mom about what happened and she made me send an email to the school. They took it very seriously and said they would take immediate action. January 8 was my first day back at school after winter break. We were introduced to a new professor. She’s okay, but she is quite strict and not everyone likes her. She had a long lecture about inappropriate comments and how we as adults need to respect boundaries since we’re no longer little kids.

Now a lot of my classmates are mad at me because they are blaming me for K being gone. I don’t know if K still works at our college. I’m not sure what happened to him. But everyone thinks I’m an asshole now.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/selfawareshovel on 2024-01-10 21:09:38+00:00.

To keep this relatively short, my sister had been with this guy for 5 years until last night. I will call him david (not his real name). David is an alcoholic at the ripe age of 24. He has shown my sister multiple times he does not care about her or her feelings, and they have a one year old together. After the baby was born his alcoholism started, and it’s been getting worse since then. He is on probation for a dui, but continues to drink and do cocaine.My sister has refused to leave him (but that’s besides the point).

David has two other children, both with separate mothers. Both of which he abandoned in puerto rico.

My family lent my sister and david our family christmas tree for the recent holiday, so the baby would have a christmas tree because their money was tight.

2 days ago i found out David and his brother were black out drunk and smashed the entire tree with all the ornaments from my sister and i’s childhood. Everything is gone. I have let his probation officer know, and have filed a police report for damaged property. This was my final straw with him.

At his new job, he has been reportedly flirting/hooking up with one of his coworkers. This co-worker just so happens to be an old friend of mine from high school.

Yesterday David broke up with my sister over text, so i reached out to the girl. I told her everything that he has done and how he is an alcoholic and is a frequent drug user.

She had no idea about any of it, let alone he had three kids and was in a five year long relationship. She proceeded to tell me she had already gotten a weird feeling from him when he called her over 100 times a few night ago at 3am. Then, when she finally answered, he called her all kinds of names for not picking up sooner. We ended the conversation with her saying “thank you for letting me know, i had no idea. I’m so glad i didn’t get too involved with him before i knew all of this.”

My sister thinks i shouldn’t have reached out to her and it will just cause more issues between her and david. (David does not want a single thing to do with my sister and has shown her that for a year now,however she wants to stay in her own fantasy that everything will be fixed and he will change)

So, am i the asshole for texting the my old friend from highschool to let her know what kind of person david is?

UPDATE: For the few people saying YTA, i never told her she couldn’t be with david, i was simply telling her details about him she previous did not know.

Also im a female so it was more of a women to women conversation not me controlling who she chooses to be with.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/KHrunninNE on 2024-01-11 06:12:01+00:00.

My little sister (kae 14) is a very good basketball player and I (17) being her older sister choose to attend almost all of her club basketball games.

We come from a very intense sports family and grew up very passionate about all sports we watch and play.

My sister plays for 2 different travel basketball teams and has been improving her game tremendously making the games so fun to watch but… along with good competition comes rowdy parents.

My little sister plays a very aggressive game of basketball as she is a tall post player and her having a temper and bit of a mouth doesn’t help the situation any more.

Kae, Went up driving to the hoop and in the process knocked down a girl and stepping over her as she made her shot. I jumped up clapping and cheering loudly as it was a very close and intense game. The next play the same girl had ran towards kae and had elbowed her in the mouth in the process of blocking the ball.. my sister then proceeded to push the girl back as she had now fallen on the ground with the game stopped.

The Mother of the player on the ground stormed the court running up to kae and screaming in her face.. Seeing this i naturally jump up and run towards her full speed while pushing her backward away from my little sister.

Things are being said back and forth that shouldn’t have been but ultimately me saying, “ you are a grown woman, watch who you are talking to”

With this the grown woman proceeds to say to my little sister looking past me, “ you are lucky, I didn’t kill you for touching my daughter”

I looked her dead in her eyes and swung as hard as I could with my right hand knocking her out cold while yelling more things I shouldn’t have.

Fast forward the cops had came and wrote me a ticket ultimately for the scene that was caused during the game. Kae then proceeded to get mad at me after the game saying I shouldn’t have done what I did but ..

Am I The Asshole??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/claw_aguayo on 2024-01-11 06:10:38+00:00.

I have 2 best friends, Maya and Jean. We’ve been friends since highschool, so we’ve known each other (and our families) for 15 years. We are kind of introverts, and we are happy doing low-key stuff for our birthdays. We let the birthday girl pick a place to have dinner at (usually at a fancier place than the ones we normally go to) and exchange gifts.

For context, Maya lives with her mom. This means that when her siblings go visit their mom, this becomes Maya’s problem. She ends up helping with food for them, cleaning up, babysitting… just keeping busy when she’d rather be resting. Maya recently got into an argument with two of her siblings, since they owe her money. They came to an agreement that they’ll pay back, but considering her situation, this is really a dick move. She is working full time to support her mom and doing her masters degree, which is expensive, and knowing this, they’re still not paying her back soon. In Jean and I’s opinion, it’s not just money they’re taking from her, but the little downtime she has left during the weekends.

Now, one of the siblings had a surprise party organized by his wife a few months ago, and yes, this was at Maya’s mom’s house. She had to help cook, ended up paying for some things, and had to help decorate. Even when some family stayed late to clean up, she and her mom still had to clean up some more the next day.

Maya’s mom thought the surprise party was a great idea, and has texted Jean to let her know that the family is planning a party for Maya in two weeks. It will be at her house, of course, and it’s being organized by her siblings (that in my opinion should just pay her back instead). They’re asking Jean and I to take her out of the house on Sunday morning, so they can prepare, and then bring her back home for the surprise.

To Jean and I this doesn’t work on so many levels. For starters, we had already made plans with her to go out on Saturday to a place she picked. It would be so unlike us to take her out for breakfast the next day, almost suspicious. Also, Maya’s sister (who had been estranged from her until recently) is contacting Maya’s friends from college to go to this surprise party, friends that she hasn’t seen in years. Jean and I are not sure she’d be happy to see them, since we haven’t heard these names in so long. In fact, the last time we did, she was telling us about how awkward their group chat was.

I am sharing all this context because Jean and I think that this “surprise” could be more of a burden for our friend than a celebration. She has work and school the next day, she might end up indirectly paying for some of this stuff, and be forced to socialize on her birthday.

We know Maya’s mom has the best intentions, and we don’t want to ruin all the planning the family is putting into this… but we don’t think our friend is a “surprise party” type of person.

Would Jean and I be assholes if we warn Maya about the surprise party?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/whatisthisoops on 2024-01-11 05:53:03+00:00.

I really hope no one in my family sees this

For a bit of context my dad went bald a long time ago and a few years ago he decided to start wearing a wig, he looks really good with it and it gives him lots of confidence, we all support it! (Most people can't even tell it's a wig)

Well last night me and my brother were setting random pictures as the core family's group chat's pfp, all of us know that he wears a wig. So I walk into the bathroom and I see his wig on top of a shampoo bottle, I thought it was funny so I sent it to the GC and set is as the pfp.

A few minutes later I hear my dad yelling really loud from the kitchen, and he texts in the groupchat "Respect me" "I'm going to make you cry". I instantly changed the pfp and deleted the message. My mom defended me saying it was a joke and he got even angrier and stomped to his bathroom, my mom came to my room and stayed with me until 20 minutes later he came out of the bathroom and stomped to my room, it looked like he was going to hit me but then he saw my mom. He yelled at me to give him my phone (My parents usually don't take it away) and my mom told me not to give it to him. I tried explaining to him that I didn't mean for it to hurt him and I just thought it was funny but he kept yelling, my mom stood in front of him and tried pushing him out of the room, and my dad pushed my mom (I've never seen him lay a hand on her) and then shut the door extremely hard to the point my mom couldn't open it for a bit, they then fought and blablabla. It didn't even affect me that much what he said to me but the way he treated my mom was what angried me, they aren't the type to fight but he always wants things to be his way and has disrespected her many times. I love my dad but now it's been 2 days and he hasn't said a word to me.

AITA or should I apologize and try to talk things out?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/kiyomi_love on 2024-01-11 03:53:07+00:00.

Ok so here it goes. I currently live with my boyfriend, our son ( 6 ) & his 2 daughters from a previous relationship ( 9 & 13 ). Our lease is ending and I am very tempted to find my own place with just me and my child. Here is why, his daughters are living with us because their mom is currently homeless. My problem is his daughters never clean, they leave the house a complete mess every day and when I ask them to clean their messes they ignore me. I constantly feel as if I’m bickering whenever I tell him that they aren’t listening. I constantly have to tell him to make them clean. He will tell them once and they still don’t do it. They leave clothes thrown everywhere over the house. They leave trash underneath the beds and couches. Dishes all over the table. When they are done eating a snack they throw the wrapper on the floor. They leave snotty tissues all over the living room coffee table and on the couch. They are glued to their phones all day or eating all day but they don’t pick up after themselves AT ALL! Honestly I’m fed up. I am a woman who loves a clean house and a clean space. I hate being home because of how gross our house looks and I feel as though he doesn’t care. I have no problem with his kids being here I love them dearly but I cannot live like this. I feel as though they are old enough to know better but my boyfriend doesn’t enforce rules. He lets them do whatever and it is not ok. My 6 year old even clean up after himself when I tell him too. I don’t feel as though I should have to tell them more than once to clean their mess. It’s gotten to the point where I stopped cleaning because I’m not anyone’s maid. One is a teenager and the other is 9. I don’t ask them to do dishes or clean bathroom just simply clean up the mess they make. I’m over this I want to have a nice clean apartment to myself that I’m not embarrassed to invite people over to. Please give me advice. I feel so wrong to tell him I don’t want to move with him because of his kids. I just simply cannot take living in filth anymore . AITA ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Due-Addition-8979 on 2024-01-11 03:50:39+00:00.

I F(20) have never got along with my mom's son Jack. I can't remember when Jack wasn't on drugs because its been so many years. Well when I was 15 I had a mental break and i went mute until I was 16. My mom had let him live here again and that same night I attempted to take my life.

When I was 14 I was in a long distance relationship with my now husband. He knew what was happening in my home and he ended up applying me for a visa and i left my contry. (I was 16 at this point and had been mute for about a year). Once I got approved I flew out the day I got told.

I had a letter come through the other day about Jack getting a visa on my behalf. (I still don't understand how it works). She told me he needs to get a fresh start and that from my aunt I have 3 spare rooms.

I said absolutely not. I have the space but he won't be coming to this country on a visa to do with me nor would he be coming to my home. The night I went mute I told my mom that my children will not know of his existence. My son & daughter still don't know.

My mom told me that I could atleast talk to my inlaws about letting him stay in a trailer until he gets on his feet. She started saying that I'm his little sister and that I should be willing to help. I told her that hes been dead to me for over a decade and that if she keeps pushing then I'm cutting her off. She told me that I can't deny access to her only grandkids (She's never met them.

Well i called up my brother Charlie and told him that apparently his kids aren't seen as grandkids and that he needs to talk with our mom my brothers gay and he and his husband adopted 4 sibilings. The way my mom said those words were disgusting hence why I told him

Well anyway I got a text from my dad saying my mom's sending Jack to come and persuade me to let him move in. (She's fucking nuts) I told my dad that if she does my husband has every right to shoot him. We own a mass chunk of land with no trespass sighs about. My dad said i was going to far but Jack had physically and mentally abused me for years.

My mom kept sending me threats and she sent me a picture of her and Jack on a PLANE. I told my husband and we are taking a road trip to Montana where his brother lives.

So am I the asshole for not letting him move in?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Next-Sherbert5932 on 2024-01-11 01:28:24+00:00.

My fiancé (30F) and I (30M) recently got engaged.

I walked in on her signing her name a bunch of times the other day and asked her about it. She excitedly said she was practicing w her new last name - my last name - and asked me what I thought of the ring of it.

I asked her if she was sure she wanted to take my last name. She looked confused and asked why she wouldn’t want to. I said I just figured she would want to keep hers plus it’s so much paperwork and a tedious process to change it.

She asked me why I didn’t want her to take mine. I said that I really don’t care either way…but I hope she isn’t doing it for me or out of obligation.

All hell broke loose afterwards. She said ofc she’s doing it for me. She was really angry then really sad that I didn’t want to “claim” her or was embarrassed of her.

If I’m being honest, I would prefer if she kept her maiden name. My mom kept her maiden name and it was a real source of pride for her as she began to accomplish more in life. And in turn it made me proud to have 2 surnames I could also be proud of. I want the same for my fiancé and future kids too. But truthfully, it is just a preference, i really don’t mind what she decides in the end.

I tried to tell her this but she still seems caught up that I said I didn’t care what she did and is quite upset.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Lower_Eagle_7547 on 2024-01-11 01:25:16+00:00.

My(21m) mom and I have a less then stellar relationship. My parents are divorced, and I lived with her until I was 16. A couple of months before I turned 16, she started dating a guy, and he didn't like me at all. I always had to hear he elsewhere when he came around. Shortly after my 16th birthday, my mom told me I was going to spend the weekend on my uncles farm. So I went and it was pretty fun. She didn't show up the day she was supposed to pick me up, so I called her, and she basically told me I was staying with my uncle permanently. When I told him he was pissed, rightfully so. We both tried calling her, but she didn't answer. We did everything we could think of to get a hold of her, but we couldn't. The last time I saw her was a week later when she dropped off the rest of my clothes.

My uncle is technically not my uncle. He's just a family friend, but he's the closest thing I've had as a parent for the last 5 years. (My dad and I aren't close. Apparently, his house was too full for me when my mom left). Honestly, a big part of me is glad this happened.

Shorty after I moved in, I got my own horse. She's a clydesdale named Mary(6f) and she's my best friend. I've been working on the ranch with my uncle since I graduated and I'm really liking it. I feel at peace.

Anyway, my mom showed up to the ranch today, I had just got on Mary. It was funny, she didn't recognize me at first. She came up to me and asked if I'd dismount. I didn't. She told me this story about how she moved across the country with her ex because she thought she'd be happy with him then she told me that things didn't work out so she found a place. Then she basically demanded I "come home."

I sarcastically said "sure" and I got Mary to start walking. That set her off. She started after me and started ranting about how I needed to live a "normal life" and that I had to find a girlfriend and not ride horses all day. I stopped and said "as far as you're concerned, this horse is my girlfriend," and that set her off even more. My uncle caught wind of what was happening and he came over and asked her to leave. She shouted "I'm not leaving without my son!!" My uncle told her to leave again and threatened to call the cops if she didn't and that got her to leave.

The reason I'm making this post is because my dad just sent me this long text about how my mom misses me and how she only wants what's best for me. He then went on to say that I should give her a chance instead of threatening to call the cops. He ended the text by saying I was an asshole for not even getting off my horse to speak with her.

AITA for walking away when my mom tried to talk to me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Owlxfeathers on 2024-01-10 22:38:50+00:00.

AITA for not wanting my MIL to get married on my daughters birthday

My daughter was born sept.20, 2022. My MIL got engaged recently, and her anniversary is sept.20, 2021. She wants to have her wedding on sept.20, 2025 which would be my daughter’s 3rd birthday. I don’t really like the idea of it, considering we wouldn’t be able to celebrate her 3rd birthday on the actual day. And going forward, her anniversary will be the same day, and I feel like she would rather celebrate that instead. We also go to Disney world for my daughter’s birthday, so we aren’t typically even in the same state during this time (MIL knows this). I don’t know if I should say something? She did text me saying “I hope you’re ok with me choosing the wedding date for September 20”, and I want to say something back but not sure if I should? Please be honest but be nice lol thanks for your opinions!💕

EDIT: this is my first time ever posing and I realized I should have been more detailed. My husband does feel the exact same way as I do. This is her second wedding. She had an affair and cheated on my husbands father with the person she is now engaged to. So she is now marrying her affair partner. I didn’t even realize their anniversary date is September 20, until a week ago. So basically her “anniversary date” is the day her affair started. Since she was sneaking around with this guy, she never announced an anniversary date until just now. Also, when I said we typically go to Disney world for her birthday every year, I meant we go that same week in September every year, and have done so since 2018. (Except for 2022 because I was giving birth lol) My daughter just happened to be born that same time. Thanks everyone for your input.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Apple-every-day on 2024-01-10 21:08:19+00:00.

TLDR: My partner (46, female) is threatening to leave me (45, male) because I added my mother to my Apple Family Sharing plan.

Before Christmas, I was visiting my mother and she wanted to listen to the music my father picked out for his funeral a few months ago, so I added her to my Apple Family Plan and set up Apple Music on her devices.

Almost immediately, I got a series of angry texts from my partner asking why I had added my mother to the Family plan.

I had no idea sharing the subscription would notify my partner, so was a bit taken aback, and explained that you get five subscriptions to share. She was indignant, claiming this was an intrusion on what she considered our "private family area". The text messages went on for hours.

The next day when I was back home, my partner exploded at me repeatedly in person, absolutely seething. The outbursts continued over Christmas, which was miserable. She left the Family plan and effectively issued an ultimatum - either I remove my mother from the subscription and make it exclusive to us, or she will consider the relationship doomed.

Obviously, this hasn’t arisen out of the blue. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I’m learning how much of a toll my inattentive-avoidant patterns of behavior have taken on my partner. Also, I've been grieving my father and pretty depressed recently.

For the record, while my mother can be conversationally awkward, she is kind and generous, and certainly not interfering or overbearing. Previous girlfriends all got on with her without any problems.

It's clear my partner felt the Apple Family Plan had a symbolic importance that I was completely unaware of, and which I don’t think I could have been expected to anticipate. Sharing with multiple family members is literally how the subscription is supposed to work, after all.

I'm reluctant to just obey her demand here – I don’t think it’s acceptable to issue relationship-threatening ultimatums in this way. But I can't just assume I'm in the right, so want to make sure I'm not being an oblivious asshole stubbornly risking his relationship over all this.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Beautiful_Cod_8382 on 2024-01-10 21:04:50+00:00.

This seems like a given but I’ve been driving myself crazy because I might be in the wrong.

I won’t be disclosing ages but, I, B have a friend, we can call him R. I own a minecraft realm (if you’re unsure it is a server I host that is free to join on at anytime regardless if I am in it or not.)I own the server giving me OP (a server operator referencing the command to make me an operator.)

I was introduced to this group through A (another one of my closer friends.) He is in R’s friend group, I myself do not associate with their group as a whole but more so A. A’s group all were invited to the realm due to a sudden pique in interest for the game, and to spare my $8, I invited everyone into it.

We all got on and parted ways as we ran and started playing the game. Everyone had obviously died a few times already and R had died trying to reach us but he also had joined the game late. Even though I am a morally right “minecrafter” I teleported him to our location because he asked to be teleported. It seemed fair enough because he wasn’t on equal leveling as us because we had started before him.

We again ran to find a new place to live and he stayed behind. He then asks for another teleport to a friend, we can call him F. Instead of asking for a teleport this time normally, he inserted a slur into the sentence asking me to teleport him to F. I asked him to repeat what he said, and then he added a string of obscenities into the chat. I then put him into spectator mode, (for those who aren’t familiar, it is when you can do nothing but fly around the world as if you were a ghost.) Before I could switch him back into his regular mode, R left the game and banned me from the group, then taking time to text me on my phone number saying I overreacted and I was overdoing it. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/angeljam on 2024-01-10 20:57:03+00:00.

This morning I (37F) was gathering my things by the front door and putting stuff in my work bag (not random things, my normal work things that I take to work with me everyday ie, planner, computer, lunch, etc) and my husband (39M) walks up to me, stares wild eyed at me and asks, "What are you doing?". Mind you, this has been my heading to work routine for as long as I've known the man - nearly 10 years.

I was truly flabbergasted by the question. Did he want me to tell him I'm gathering my things to go to work? Does he need to be told that? Do I owe him an explanation for gathering my things and going to work? I had no idea what to tell him because I know he is very aware of what I'm doing... It's exactly what I have done 5 days week, every week, for nearly 10 years. Why did he ask that?

I honestly don't remember what I responded with, probably something along the lines of "what do you mean?" "Why are you asking that?"... idk. But it pissed me off and we ended up getting in a big fight.

So anyways - curious what people's thoughts are. Would that piss you off too? He says he was trying to start a conversation... does that sound like a reasonable way to start a conversation?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/halestorm987 on 2024-01-10 20:55:44+00:00.

So here's the situation, my best friend "Mark" is in the same grade as me but sick at home right now, and today after class my homeroom teacher, who has a very close relationship with all of us, approached me and said "I think the death of Mark's grandpa is hitting him way harder than we thought".

I wasn't aware of his grandpa's death, which he apparently told her about just yesterday (interacted with me completely normally all day) and our teacher immediately apologized for assuming and told me not to tell Mark anything.

I guess this is less of a WIBTA situation and more me just being conflicted on what to do. On one hand I want to respect his decision not to tell me and give him time, on the other hand I'm desperate to support him, especially knowing that sometimes he doesn't tell me things just because he's scared of burdening me.

I'm scared randomly saying "you can talk to me if anything is going on in your life" would come off as weird and very obvious, especially as he's acting normally in front of me.

WIBTA if i told him I know anyways?