Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/peoplesuck2024 on 2024-01-10 12:22:34+00:00.

My(41f) bf(43m) has an 18 year old daughter who does not contribute to the household in any way, shape, or form. She has 9 cats, 7 of which live full-time in the house that he and she share. I am severely allergic to cats so I don't go inside. He wants me to move in. I told him there is no way, I would go into anaphylaxis and die. He said he would get rid of the cats and remodel and deep clean the house. I have been living in an rv (that purchased for this particular reason) in his driveway for over 6 months so we could start renovations on the house and I am helping find homes for the cats. I found the first home with all the stipulations that daughter put forth and NOW daughter is saying she's not giving the one away that someone actually wants. She was on board and now she's not. I have been trying to explain to both of them how unfair and unhealthy it is to the cats to have that many living in such a small unkept area. The cats are always sick and the house never gets cleaned, she only empties the litter pans once a week and NEVER scoops. Daughter doesn't have any income so, never helps with cat supplies such as litter, food, medicine, etc. I'm cool with the outdoor cats and, if all the cats wanted to live outside, I would be ok with that too. I would never make him choose me over his daughter but I really want to tell him it's me or the cats. I don't want to live in an rv the rest of my life and before all you "pets are family too" people come after me for wanting to re-home the cats, CPS would be in your home if you allowed 7 children to live like these cats do. So, would I be the asshole if I told him it's me or the cats?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ggghjkl on 2024-01-10 12:19:21+00:00.

Hi Reddit, I (24F) had a heated argument with my mom (46F) today, and I need some perspective. After a long night out at a friend's house, a day at work, and taking medicine for my vertigo (which makes me sleepy), I took a three-hour nap. Suddenly, my mom slammed the balcony door and started dropping berating words, triggering a confrontation.

I cook for us every day and occasionally provide breakfast when I'm not working. Despite this, she accused me of not helping around the house. The argument escalated because she often does this when my sister (28F) is not around. I visit my boyfriend or friends once a month for 3-5 days as recommended by my therapist for a break, but my mom suddenly seems upset about it today, compared to previous months.

It's frustrating that she didn't wake me up to ask for help with cooking; instead, she started berating me. She also would tell me that she is also sick, she also works, that I was selfish, she has provided for us since we were little, etc. When it was not even the reason of the argument.

I love my mom and wouldn't want to move out as we are all okay most of the times even if she does this. She also needs help, I know. But, this pattern of behavior has persisted since my college days, where she'd shout at me during important moments, even during my thesis defense. I sought therapy to cope with her behavior, and my sister acknowledges that I'm the primary target of her arguments. Am I the asshole for standing up for myself? What should I do?

Edit:

I can't move out yet as I need to save more money so I can study abroad and really get out of the house.

Also, she seems to only escalate the argument with me, unlike with my other siblings. She would always start to do something in the house when she would tell one of us to do something else. Which my sister and I observed over the years of being with her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RevolutionaryEye2018 on 2024-01-10 07:43:36+00:00.

I have two daughters 13f and 16f

My sister had to go on a long business trip for 5 days and needed someone to look after her two kids 13f and 10m.

I figured the 10 year old would sleep on the couch while the 13 year old would share a room with my youngest.

I talked to my 13 year old and she was happy to share a room with her cousin as both of them are close friends and see each other a lot so I don't see the problem with them sharing.

My husband thinks it's wrong to deprive my daughter of privacy and thinks I should find another arrangement like both of them sleeping on the couch or finding another family to stay with.

I didn't see the issue but my husband and his father (who lives with us) think we shouldn't make them share a room.

AITA

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoSyrup9913 on 2024-01-10 07:15:46+00:00.

I have a coworker who loves being engaged. She's the quintessential typical bride-to-be: she has her wedding planned to the smallest detail and talks about it all the time. She's the type to share mood boards and swatches with us during lunch. This isn't something that bothers me, but I wanted to paint a picture for context. I actually like talking to her about her wedding!

The issue that recently came up was that she was sharing with us about her honeymoon destination. It's a cute seaside city, and honestly, I thought it sounded great! I shared it with my husband, and we decided that we'd love to take a vacation like that too!

Because of our itinerary, we decided to visit a different (but very similar) city in the same country (think San Diego vs. Santa Barbara if you're in America). When I came back from my trip, my coworkers were excited to see pictures and hear about the trip, and I shared some chocolates that I brought back as well.

The entire time, my coworker was kind of icy, and I finally found out it was because she thought I stole her idea for a vacation. She said that since I've gone on a similar vacation, I've stolen the magic of coming back to talk to our coworkers about it. Even though it's a different place, she says it was similar enough and that it was kind of shitty for me to take the attention when she's been planning on her trip for a long time.

I personally don't feel like I did anything wrong since we went to a different city and did different activities than what my coworker talked about (she likes sporty things like hiking whereas I visited museums and dined out more). But she's so upset she's talking about changing the destination of her honeymoon entirely, so I feel like I'm missing something. Please let me know if I was an AH in case I need to apologize!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aitanotsharing on 2024-01-10 04:27:47+00:00.

So last year my mom married Mark and we moved to a new state. We have a 3 bedroom house. My mom and mark have one room, Marks daughter Lily (10) has her own room and I (13f) share with my brothers (16 18 and 22). Mark doesn't want my mom to work but he also doesn't give her money for us because thats our dads job so I was kinda on my own to get anything I needed.

A guy at my school noticed I don't have a lunch most of the time so he started bringing extra food for me then I started going to his house after school. They've been really nice to me. They take me out with them and they got me pair of shoes because mine were too small.

They went all out for me for Christmas. I got 2 pairs of boots and another 2 pairs of shoes, 6 pairs of jeans, 4 leggings, like 20 shirts, 2 jackets, a raincoat, rain boots, umbrella, new backpack and water bottle and even hair stuff and some makeup. They also got me glasses but that wasn't really a Christmas present.

My mom took everything back for store credit and she used it to get herself stuff. My friends dad picked me up the day after Christmas to take me to camp (he signed me and my friend up for cooking camp during winter break) and I told him what happened. He called cps and they came to camp to talk to me a couple days later then they came to the house and now I'm staying with my friend and his dad. He reordered everything he got me plus he had me go into target and some other stores to get a couple things until everything gets here but my mom is really mad that I told him and she's saying I got her in a lot of trouble so I wanted to know if I was wrong for telling him that she returned everything.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayallthedrama on 2024-01-10 01:43:05+00:00.

Fake names for privacy. I am based in the southern USA.

I (20F) have been with my fiancé (20M) "Alan" for 4.5 years. Alan has an older sister "Kristine" (23F), and both parents (FFIL/FMIL). Alan's family likes to go on vacation every/every other year, usually a cruise through touristy islands in NA.

In 2020, before we had even been dating for a year, I was invited on a cruise with them to Puerto Rico, and I (16 then) managed to get all the money together within 2 weeks, but the trip was cancelled due to Covid restrictions. In 2022, when my fiancé graduated high school, they went on a cruise as a family and I was not invited, and was asked to dogsit for them. This year is the first year I would be able to go with them in summer 2024.

Kristine (currently single) usually has 3-6 month relationships, and her boyfriends have always been welcome on vacations regardless of how long they've been together. This makes me angry, as I have been with Alan for longer than any of them, and yet was still not invited. This brings me to today:

Having talked about a cruise back in November of 2023, I just reminded them I would not like for it to be over my birthday (late June) and would rather it be in July. They agreed, and since it was a long ways out, we did not mention it again. Apparently (as I found out today), FFIL had booked the tickets in December, but did not include me in the booking (even though I was invited by them directly in November).

Either I pay an extra $2,000 for a room across the ship and find someone else to join, or I don't go. That's kind of where we're at. I am angry that I was asked directly, and was really excited about the trip, but was not included. Alan is conflicted about what to do, and is trying to convince his parents to refund the tickets and rebook it with me included (after I bothered him for 2 hours to fix this).

I would pay for my portion of the trip, which I do not mind (and I expected to do anyways), I just feel extremely disrespected by being asked to join then not being booked because "I didn't badger them enough to remember to add me in". I didn't even know they had booked the tickets, considering it is still 6 months out, and FFIL/FMIL are not wanting to change their bookings. AITA for being angry at being excluded for this?

ETA: After speaking to FFIL/FMIL, Alan talked to Kristine and asked if she could ask her friends if there was someone to join so I would not be paying the full value of the room (2 beds). What I did not originally know was that an extra room could be added onto their booking, so we would all still be near each other instead of across the ship like it would be if I booked separately, and their reasoning was “We can’t have an odd number of people because that would be paying for an unused bed.”

I am still conflicted on whether or not I want to actually go, because FFIL/FMIL did not directly tell us when they had booked, and I am hearing all of this secondhand from Alan (The group chat I made in November called “Cruise 2024” sits untouched as of now). In general they are nice people, and usually a go-with-the-flow type of family, so it was a surprise all of this was booked so far in advance, which is why I hadn’t asked originally for updates.

ETA 2: For those asking, we have been together for 4.5 years, engaged for 4 months. We plan to stay engaged for many years, get our degrees and be in a stable financial situation before fully settling down at 23-24 years old.

ETA 3: To everyone speculating that Alan is part of the reason I was not included in the booking, saying he is not a good person and to leave him: You are hearing 1 situation out of 4.5 years of a relationship. Not everything is a “break up with them immediately” moment, and while I appreciate your advise, your assumptions are just that: assumptions. You do not know everything about my relationship, nor the relationship he has with his parents.

That is not at all what this post is about. I was asking if MY anger was justified at his PARENTS, nothing about him. Please stop saying to break up with him when you don’t know anything at all about us. He is the one playing middle man here, speaking to his parents about the situation on my behalf. The 2 hours was was spent trying to get him to figure out what to SAY, not to actually confront them. Poor wording on my part, but still stands that this is not a relationship advice post at all.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Help_me_plz_xox on 2024-01-10 01:34:14+00:00.

This story needs a lot of context & nuances:

1. S (26F) and I (23F) are connected because my father and her mother used to be together.
2. My father and her mother had a long term affair. My dad had a double life. They married each other after.
3. S is now a single mother
4. Her father and his wife lives near S - 15 minutes drive. They are involved in her life. My mother and I live 30 minutes by car from S.
5. I was doing my last semester of university from September to December 2023. I was working part-time, and volunteered a lot.
6. My mother and I previously babysitted her child before. Three times at her place.
7. I never liked babysitting. Even as a child. The thought of it gives me anxiety. I feel the same until today. Everyone knows this about me.
8. My mother is uncomfortable with babysitting her child given the situation in bullet point 2. She doesn’t enjoy babysitting that much either. I was there with her to babysit because she asked me to. It made her feel more comfortable.
9. Her father and his wife babysit the child regularly. She doesn’t have any friends, except a a mom friend. Her mother and siblings are in another country. She has no boyfriend. The father is not involved. She had a babysitter before.

THE SITUATION: In September 2023, I get a call from S (26F), which she never does. She mentions how she lost her babysitter abruptly, but that she already signed up for the acrobatic class. Her dad’s wife will help a bit. She didn’t ask to babysit explicitly. The call ended.

She then calls again saying how she was in the neighbourhood and if she can come. Then, she mentions that again in front of my mother. We entertained her child a bit and they left.

She messaged me, asking if we can babysit officially (she was hoping that we would offer). She mentioned that it’s only 2 hours. We live far apart and she would need to drive back and forth. The class is 1 hour. We need a cushion for the child since he has separation anxiety. More buffer room as well. This is a good 4-5 hour ordeal. She said that he will sleep, but He won’t sleep. She reinforced that u could homework during. This is indefinitely as well.

I said no, I will not because of reason #5 & #7. My mother said she can but only once every 2 months. Her reasoning is mostly reinforced by #2 & #8. I told her to figure out other arrangements or seek a new babysitter

My response above angered her. she responded with “Okay, you know what, just forget about it. I didn't realize that this was such an issue for you... I think I'm just confused because I thought we are pretty much like family with especially with the things you guys have said to me. I get that it maybe it's an inconvenience for you to babysit but the only reason I asked you is because I actually consider you like family, and I want Child (2M) to have family around. I guess I made a mistake assuming you feel the same. Hope you have a good day.”

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DotEnvironmental3291 on 2024-01-09 20:28:29+00:00.

I (17f) have a special needs 15 year old sister. I'm rather punk and tomboyish, and she is girly and pink to an obsessive degree. She consistently asks me to "play with her", and I always say no. But one day, I said if she did what I said for 2 weeks, I'd play with her. And she did what I said for two weeks with no hiccups whatsoever. So I agreed to play with her.

She got ecstatic, and took me to her room where she put me in this hot-pink dress that I can only describe as "1950s housewife style". It had white stockings, mary janes, a pink ribbon belt forming in a bow at the back, and finished with a large pink bow matching her own that she put on the back of my head.

It was a day, she mainly had me pour tea at a tea party, but also took me on a walk, and swung with me at the playground, which was humiliating, but when she hugged me and said "I love you sissy", all my complaints were suddenly gone.

My mom saw me in the dress, I explained what we spent the day doing, and she got upset at me for making that kind of image of myself in public. I said we had a deal, and it was only fair. She said I'm supposed to be the responsible one, I said i was, and she sent me to my room. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Em0tionalSupportBrat on 2024-01-09 19:42:37+00:00.

Every Friday evening, my husband and I (29m and 29f) hire the same babysitter (18f) to watch our 3 boys (3, 5, and 7) while we go out for a date night. For the most part, she has been great. Shows up on time, the boys love her, and they typically just hang out at home and watch a movie. This past Friday, she had come a bit early and I had told her that she could take the boys out to the neighborhood playground since they were pretty rambunctious. The neighborhood playground is a maybe 3 minute walk from our house. It's small, but the boys enjoy it. She texted me an hour or so after we left and said she was taking the boys to the park. I thanked her for telling me and went back to enjoying my evening out with my husband. When we got home, she gave us the regular report, telling us they were well behaved and had their dinner. As she and I were in the middle of talking, my 5yo bounced up to me and told me they had gone to a different park that was a 10 minute drive away. This girl doesn't have a car. We didn't leave her car seats. I looked at her and she told me her dad had driven them there in his car since there were no other kids at the neighborhood playground. I was immediately irate. I don't know her father or if he had seats for the boys. I hadn't known where they had gone or been asked if she could take the boys to this park. I paid her for her time and told her this would be the last time she babysat my children. The girls father has called me and told me I'm an AH for firing her for something as small as taking the boys to the park and called me a controlling helicopter parent. My husband and I think we made the right call.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aFrumpyUnicorn on 2024-01-09 19:00:26+00:00.

I (M 31)was going to go balls to the wall with everything for the meal at my house. There in being the problem. My husband's (M 32) parents heard about this and first started suggesting I instead cook at their house, so they can host. Admittedly, they have a larger space for entertaining, but this party would only be for 6, which can more than comfortably fit in my own dining space. This was the first bit that kinda irked me. As I felt the implications was that my husband's parents were trying to say our house wasn't good enough. My husband, of course, defended them. Saying what I mentioned before, that they have more space, and they were simply trying to be nice.

The next issue was with what I planned on making for the meal. I skipped the December holidays last month because I wanted to do something extraordinary for this. My plan was to order a couple pounds of A5 Waygu New York strip from Japan, to do up nicely with various accompaniments and a really nice bottle of wine I'd gotten for my birthday back in August that I was scared to open for anything too boring. To which my husband and his parents both started to pretty insistently shut me down on. Saying that my idea was too much. That I should just go get some regular steaks from the supermarket. Which now, offended me, as I was now getting contradictory reasons for not doing this dinner I wanted to do.

Firstly everyone wanting to change the venue toy in-laws' house because our house "isn't good enough". Then everyone wanting to change my menu because "it's too good for them". If it was one argument or the other, I'd have not been as offended.

But now that this visit from my husband's family draws near (later this week). My husband and his parents invited me to a fancy restaurant in town that they're going to take the family to. This set me off and I kinda rudely said no, giving the above info as context for my answer.

TLDR: Family visiting, I wanted to cook a fancy meal at my house, but husband and his parents made arguments against us, and now they're going out to dinner and I'm refusing to join.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Altruistic_North1050 on 2024-01-09 23:41:37+00:00.

My husband and I were planning a vacation for us and our 2 kids. We’ll be gone for 8 days in the summer. We’ve saved for this trip for years and were super excited.

This place is about 3 hours away from my husband’s family. They invited us to spend some days with them. However, from the start I said I wanted alone time with just the 4 of us. With the kids getting older, we don’t get a lot of time with them. We don’t have the money to travel often. I suggested 3-4 days with his family, then we’d go to the actual vacation spot. I also set the boundary we’d stay in a hotel. They all seemed to agree.

Then out of nowhere, my husband’s family decided to go to our vacation spot for the full 8 days. That’s when the hints began that we all get a house to rent. I said no. I love my husband’s family but it’d just be too much and I wanted time just us. We don’t need to be around each other 24/7. After that, my SIL started making plans for all 8 days that included us.

I put my foot down to my husband and said no. We could spend 4 days with his family, maybe 5. But I wanted just a few just us. We never get to go on vacation. And his family visits once or twice a year so it’s not like we don’t see them.

My husband says I’ve hurt his family’s feelings. When I spoke to my SIL she said I should understand why it hurts I won’t spend the entire time with them. I asked how they’d feel if they planned a trip and we tried to change the plan. She said family does this stuff for each other.

Now, I’m already dreading the trip and wonder if I’m being over dramatic and should just give in to avoid drama. AITA?

Edit: As it’s already been asked: we chose this spot because it’s somewhere our kids have always wanted to go. Of course we can’t give them everything they want in life, but now we can finally afford it. As I said, we never get to vacation and I wanted to give this to them.

Edit 2: We can’t cancel/change dates as we put down non-refundable deposits.

Edit 3: I understand that it is Reddit and people expect the craziest things to happen. I understand the concern that my husband would give them the address to the Air B&B and they’d just show up to intrude on our “off days”. However, knowing them, they aren’t the type to do this. They will respect the actual boundary but then you’ll hear about it for the next 5 years. I am positive that they won’t intrude on our “off days”. I’m sure people will call me naïve, but my husband and I have been married 20 years. I know his family. This is how they are.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SchoolSpiritsFan on 2024-01-09 22:27:58+00:00.

My wife has a friend, we can call her “Berta”. Berta likes to show up unannounced, often in an emergency, and late at night. My wife has been friends with Berta for years and through rougher circumstances. I’ve seen my wife wake me up and herself up in the middle of the night to go pick up Berta from the airport. We’ve offered Berta a place to stay on our couch in the past.

The problem is Berta never really asks, nor does my wife. I show up, she is already there, and my wife asks if it’s okay she uses our bathroom to get ready for work but doesn’t ask if it’s okay Berta even stay the night.

Berta has stayed a few nights now. Each day, waits until evening and I say something and my wife says that the day is included in asking to stay for the night. Then another night passes.

I come home today, after a stressful day and expect to get some privacy. I go to my bedroom and Berta is sleeping in my bed, with my wife. Talking about their day. I passive aggressively texted my wife that I had to take a massive. Stinking. Crap. And I hope Berta doesn’t mind hearing or smelling it.

Both got upset. I feel like my boundaries and consent is being violated. I’m tired. I just want to be home at peace. I just want to be gross in peace. I want quiet again in my home so I can grade. I want to watch my shows in peace. My wife thinks I’m being cruel, that I have too many rules and like she can’t have friends. Only today she left me know Berta is houseless and has nowhere to go. So I guess she is staying longer? My wife says since it’s her house too I can’t say what happens with her guests.

Money is tight for us as is. I support us on my own income. And Berta uses a lot of electricity while I’m at work and eats our food. I’m upset my wife didn’t tell me this before I said yes. I want my wife to have friends, I really do. But this friend overstayed her welcome. AITA for asking my wife to make this friend leave?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Necessary-Ideal2614 on 2024-01-10 00:39:19+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, he's 29 and I'm 27. We're in a really good place and had started talking about our future together.

When we first started dating, let's just say he wasn't quite able to get it up or stay hard. He was recovering from some pretty serious shit in his life and I loved who he was as a person and let it go. He worked on himself and it soon sorted itself out.

I had confided in my best friend at the time because I thought there was something wrong with me and she ended up calling him 'floppy disk'. Since then, she always refers to him as floppy disk when he's not around even though I've told her to stop.

Yesterday she was over at ours and she accidentally called him that..he was taken aback and asked what that was. She told him. After she left, he told me was incredibly hurt and that I was a complete AH for telling my friend of his issues in the first place and then not shutting her down more vehemently over the years. I told him I tried but he says it's not good enough.

He told me today that he's reconsidering our relationship because he doesn't know if I have his back.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Timely-Ad-708 on 2024-01-10 00:29:28+00:00.

I have an 11yo son named Adam. He's well-behaved 80% of the time, down from 90%. I know it's puberty kicking in and his brain is changing. I cut him a bit more slack but I also don't put up with bullshit.

Before the holiday break, we had parent-teacher conference. My son's homeroom teacher Mr. C, asked that Adam attend because he wanted to "boost" his "autonomy" in class or whatever the fuck that means.

After 20 minutes of hearing how my son is doing better than most. Then Adam came in for the last 10 minutes of the conference. Mr. C said he was going to be direct how an incident he witnessed before school where he saw me telling at him and Adam getting out of my car. He yelled at me to leave him alone and to stop following him. Then my son spent the whole day with his head down in class.

Mr. C asked Adam how he felt that day and my son said he was mad. Mr. C then said "dad, you need to step up. You lost your temper and I don't want my students coming to class upset. Please respect that I'm bringing this up to you."

I laughed and asked if his Spiderman tie was cutting off circulation to his head. You damn right I yelled at him. In that incident, Adam snuck his phone into his bedroom at night and spent all night on it. He got 2 hours of sleep. On a Wednesday.

I was pissed. Adam was in a foul mood because he was sleep deprived. So we clashed when I discussed it with him and told him I was putting restrictions on his phone. And I wasn't following him to school. It was a one way street. How is my son "scared" of me when the following night he wanted to lay next to me so we could watch a movie.

I asked Mr. C how many 11yo boys are you raising. He said none because he's 24. I said then don't dispense parenting advice to someone who is and has raised 2 other ones.

Later, Adam said I was mean but Mr C asked for it.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pitiful-Gur-2524 on 2024-01-09 21:23:27+00:00.

My mother wanted a very particular funeral, and only communicated this with me. When she passed, I didn't share her wishes with her partner as they were very extravagant and I knew he would want to do all of it. We planned a beautiful funeral for her, but it wasn't exactly as she had described to me and a few features were missed out.

This was months ago, but I recently accidentally told him in conversation that she had told me she wanted something at her funeral. Something that he was unaware of at the time, and something that we didn't do for her.

He blew up in a rage and has said my mother must be turning in her grave to know that I didn't act upon her wishes and do what she had asked. He is livid with me for withholding this information from him and hasn't spoken to me since.

AITA here? She had a beautiful ceremony, and i'm upset that he is no longer speaking to me about this.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Thememeboy18 on 2024-01-10 00:22:28+00:00.

M26 So about a couple of months ago there was this new chick who started working at my job. We would talk quite often and at first I wasnt sure if she was aporoachable then I noticed she gave me the textbook "Look" where a woman stares at a guy she likes then darts her eyes away with a smirk. She did this more than 4 times and previously outside of work when this happened combined with being smiley and forthcoming towards me the woman was into me and we always progressed. So I decided to ask for her number, she said her phone was off (obvious lie) but instead of confronting her I just said "Oh.....ok". I figured since she rejected me in that way she didn't anything to do with me so I took the L and accepted I did something wrong and tried to distance myself to avoid making her uncomfortable. I would only talk to her if she talked to me. I did this for about a week and there was an instance where there was a cashier that would be right next to her and I would chat with the other cashier and not her. After a week she confronted me and said I was being distant and " we never talk anymore". I blew her off and dismissed it. Its been a month now and she always comes around to my department to chat but I keep it short.I can tell it makes her really upset which is not my intention but I'm not trying to get accused of harrassment so it is what it is.

Edit: From what I've gathered here moral of the story: dont be an idiot like me and ask out a coworker lol ngl they are right lowkey

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Gas139 on 2024-01-09 19:30:21+00:00.

Background my bio nephews are (8-10) years old. When they were 4 their parents went through a very messy divorce and as a result I took them in for 3 years.

I’m not going to go in to detail but my brother became a drunk and the mom didn’t want anything to do with them so that’s why I took them in.

I met my husband through the school they go to because his daughter is in the same class.

During the 3rd year my brother got married to his wife who has a daughter with terrible manners. She is 9 so she is old enough but she is kid who will throw a tantrum at events when it’s not about her. Eg she blew the candles on my nephews birthday and when he cried he got reprimanded. I took them out the next day so he could blow his candles.

Keep in mind my brother still isn’t making an effort with his own kids. Towards the end of the year he demanded to have his kids back and because of how the Court arranged it he was able to keep custody.

I however still attended everything because the boys want me too. I never bonded with his wife or daughter because SIL is rude and is very passive aggressive. I have made efforts by invited them to my house to bond but she ripped up my husbands daughter favorite doll and then SIL got mad at me for reprimanding her.

My wedding my daughter is going to be the only one in wedding party as a flower girl and my nephews are the ring bearers. We have a no kids rule so that means no step niece as I know that she will throw a tantrum at my ceremony.

The main issue is that she wants to be part of my wedding as a flower girl. My answer is no because I want my daughter to feel special. And tbh she isn’t important enough to me to want her in my wedding.

Her mother is demanding that her daughter be a flower girl or my nephews won’t be taking part. That I’m hurting a child feeling by excluding her. It’s not that I want to exclude her it’s just that I know she is going to throw a temper tantrum the moment she knows she’s not the center of attention because no matter what she does that.

I told my brother that if this happens I will cut off all financial support I have given them which he said was not fair.

Keep in mind I would be paying for a babysitter at the hotel and I have chosen a venue that’s close to a theme park so while the ceremony goes on she will be there and then my daughter and nephews will join them for the rest of the time and then go back to the hotel to go to bed and everything while the reception goes through. Because this is a destination wedding I will be paying for my parents and brothers room and a babysitter which I think is generous and way more fun than being in a wedding which can be stressful.

My brother is telling me to sort it out with SIL. And my parents understand me but told me to let it go. My daughter wants to be the only flower girl but wants my nephews and they cried when they thought they couldn’t be apart of the wedding.

Also I’m not going to cut of financially support because that will just affect my nephews more than anyone

BTW the financial support I give is paying for school bills such as extracurriculars, tutoring and the cloths and shoes and school supplies to my nephews.

My brother has always wanted to be a girls dad so I think he just pays for general stuff but leave my nephews to fend for themselves. Also I do have a trust fund for them to open at 18 so don’t worry about that

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Kim_mklay on 2024-01-10 00:21:41+00:00.

My family and I we were having a dinner night and we just eating catching up with each other until my (19F) cousin wanted to make an announcement.

She had announced that she was going to audition for many modeling companies like Ford models and IMG Models and everyone was happy for her including me .

I mean the companies did sound like big companies and they mean real business and my cousin has been passionate about modeling from a young age but also weight was her issue and she didn't know how to .....take care of it . I asked she was going to go on a diet and lose weight . Now I do admit that sounded a bit rude and bitter from my tone but I was just concerned about her and these big companies . Everybody looked at me with shocked eyes .

I quickly apologised for my tone and if she took it the wrong way but I told her I was just concerned for her because companies are becoming so strict with beauty standards and I just didn't want her to be disappointed if she go rejected and gets taken by a small companies where she won't make much money and won't be able to build herself a career .

She responded by saying that I knew nothing about modeling society and how its changed over the years were now plus sized people can now model . I proceeded to tell her that I had many models even plus size models coming to me to ask for diets for them to go on to keep in shape and I told her as a dietian I definitely wouldn't mind helping her out because she was even bigger than a average plus size .

She called me so mean and that I was so unsupportive of her . I told her that I was because I atleast pointed out the truth meanwhile everyone sat there knowing very well that your to overweight and still clapped hands for you. I told her if she wanted to become an actual model she would need to go on diets that even plus size models take and she can't even do that to a point were she might waste a whole lots of time instead of finding something that suits her and is a full time job.

Everyone in the table said I was so jealous of her and I should apologise. I asked why should I apologise for being realistic. AITA ???

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Acrobatic-Evening605 on 2024-01-09 22:47:43+00:00.

Throw away

I (38M) requested my daughter(16F) to give up the remote for my son's friends to use the VR setup. My son(14M) doesn't like to use the Vr in his room because lack of space to move. So he always uses it in the living room. However, the situation is complicated because my daughter lost her TV remote in her room so she only has access to watching TV only in my room or the living room.

She had settled in the living room, watching something on Netflix. when my son's friends came over and wanted to use the VR system. I asked her to hand over the remote so they could use it, which upset her. She said that she wanted to watch TV and my son and his friends can wait and said they can go to his room to play. I told her to be nice and I only wanted to accommodate the guests. She handed me the remote and walked in her room. I told her she can watch TV in my room but she refused. This happend Sunday. Yesterday, I gave her the remote and apologized about her not being able to watch TV Yesterday but she said that she's okay and that she'll simply wait til Saturday until she's able to get her a new remote and that she doesn't want to get in the way of my son's play time. I told her that I didn't mean to upset her and that I only tried to accommodate her brother because he had friends over. I feel like my daughter is mad at me and I should have just told my son to play in his room. My son saying she's being petty but I'm not sure. I tried apologizing and she keeps saying it's alright but she still seems to have a problem with me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fluffy-Muffin-2267 on 2024-01-09 18:36:37+00:00.

I have a 19yo stepdaughter (Molly) she attends college 2.5 hours away and visits us a few times a month for 2-3 days at a time. For the most part, she's pretty good, and I do love her and enjoy planning activities and outings when she's here.

For the past 6 months or so, Molly has become extremely picky about the food my husband or I cook, but not any other food. She will try a dish, take 1 bite, and if she doesn't like it, throw it in the trash. I mean, throw the entire dish in the trash, not just the bite she tried. For ex: I'll make a homemade lasagna, that she's had many times before, she takes a bite, decides its not to her liking, and immediately tosses the entire pan into the garbage.

This always happens when neither myself or my husband are in the kitchen with her. We've both asked Molly why does she throw the food out, and it's always the same response, it wasn't any good and she can't eat it. We've asked her to please stop throwing away entire dishes because we will eat them and she says she doesn't want to even look at it anymore. (As far as we know, Molly only does this with us.)

I finally told Molly and my husband (he agreed with me) the next time she tosses a dish either of us has made, she will assume full cooking responsibilities when she's here. That way whatever is made will be to her liking.

It happened again, and I stuck by what I had said. Molly got upset and went to her mom's, 30 minutes away, because her time with us or her mom is supposed to be fun and relaxing not having to do chores. Molly's mom called my husband in a rage, screaming how we are treating Molly unfairly, she's a child, and it's not that hard to just fix a different meal to make her happy, and accusing us of emotional and mental abuse. (Molly's mom does not cook so they either go out or order food for all of their meals.)

Molly is currently refusing to visit unless I apologize to her and agree she can do what she wants with the food. My husband misses his daughter, but he's siding with me on this saying Molly has been wasteful and disrespectful of our cooking and hospitality. (We never cook anything we know she dislikes, when she's here we tend to make dishes that she's always enjoyed before and ask for her input and suggestions but she says she doesn't care what we make.)

I feel bad because I know this is hurting my husband and I do miss Molly, plus I want her to spend time with us and have a good time doing so. AITA?

eta: for everyone asking if Molly is pregnant, no, she is not. Molly is very very openly lesbian. She likes vaginas, only vaginas!

eta2: this only happens at our house. When we go out or order food, she happily finishes her meal, gets dessert, and often finishes my food, too. which I absolutely don't mind.

eta3: Molly is 19! she's not a minor! Nobody can force her into any sort of therapy without her consent and willingness to go.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fresh_Local1050 on 2024-01-09 22:08:51+00:00.

Throw away

I (42M) have a son (15m). In March of 2022 my wife and my sons mother passed away. This was devastating for the both of us. After 6 months I met this amazing woman who is now my wife. We both had spouses who died and we connected that way. We got married 5 months dating. (I know it was fast) My wife (39F) have a son (15m) and a daughter (16m). Our family blending process has had its challenges, but overall, things have been going well. My son seemed to love having siblings and loved my wife. However things started to change once they moved in (October 2023) because our house only have 3 bedrooms and so my Son had to share with his step brother while his step sister have a room by herself. We told the kids that this is only temporary and after this school year ends we will move into a much bigger house.

After my stepson moved in the room with my son, he has been displaying disrespectful behavior towards his stepmother and stepsiblings. He's often rude and hateful. If he is asked to do something my my wife he'll roll his eyes or ignore her and not do it. He has locked his stepbrother out of his room multiple times and doesn't open the door until I threaten to take his phone or games away. Yesterday he decided it would be nice to lock my wife and step siblings out of the house while I was away at work. (She forgot her keys in the house) My wife called me and I had to drive home and leave work just to unlock the door. To say I was furious was an understatement.

I decided to take my sons electronics away including his phone. I told him he's not allowed to go anywhere other than to and from school until I say so. I told him he is going to apologize and he is going to mean it. I'll admit I didn't say it as nicely as I wrote it but I was just angry that I had to leave work for dumb reason.

My son is upset and feels I'm being unfair. He said that he never wanted to have a new family and he's getting punished for it. He said that he can't believe I'll choose my fake family over him. I told him that that's not true and I love him with all my heart.I said that he's not allowed to treat his step siblings or my wife and Im sorry you don't but that's no reason to treat them like trash when they treat you with love and respect. I told him that his stepsiblings didn't ask for this family either and that him acting this way towards them was selfish and inconsiderate. He then told me he wish I was the once who died. When he said that my heart broke and I left his room. I've been crying myself to sleep lately because I feel like I failed as a father and that's not something I wanted to do. I tried talking to my son but all he never verbally answers me. The best I get is a nod. I talked to with his grandparents (My ex wife's parents) and they suggested family therapy and I think imma try to do that. I've talked to my wife I'm contemplating on moving houses earlier than anticipated.

Edit: I'm going to apologize to my son for dismissing his feelings and apologize. I never intended on hurting my son. I will try to put me and him into therapy. I just assumed he was happy about the marriage because he seemed happy about having stepsiblings up until October. I understand I'm the asshole, I understand I'm not good person, and I understand I'm not a good father. I will do everything I can to show my Son I love him. Thanks for putting it all in perspective.

Edit again: I decided the best thing I could do for me and my son would be to divorce my wife. I love her, but I love my son more. I will be talking to her tomorrow.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Inside-Milk-4777 on 2024-01-09 16:58:14+00:00.

I (26f) have two half siblings from my mom's first marriage. My half brother is 11 years older than me and my half sister is 4 years older. Their dad died after my half sister was born. My parents met two years after their dad died and married after a year of being together. I came along a year later. I was their only child together.

I never felt very close to my half siblings. I always knew they were super close and my half sister adored my half brother and he really adored her and treated her like she was everything in the world to him. Even when he moved out he would always make sure he called her and stuff. Not so much me. I always figured if I really needed them they would be there but I figured losing their dad and being full siblings made them closer than they were to me. Even if my half sister was closer in age to me than to my half brother/her full brother.

Six years ago my dad was diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's and my mom and I have been caring for him ever since. Four years ago my half sister got married and my half brother walked her down the aisle.

Now I'm engaged and there has been no date set as of yet but I did ask my half siblings if they would walk me down the aisle. Mom was someone I considered for a while. But she's tired and she told me when my half sister got married that she was glad my half brother was asked and not her because of how tired she is taking care of dad. And I know she's even more tired now than she was so I didn't want to add any pressure to her. My half siblings both said no to walking me down the aisle and then they commented that they probably won't be able to make it anyway because they will be "very busy". I pointed out I don't even have a set date yet and they were silent. It really hurt and opened my eyes to just how much they don't really care about me.

I mulled it over and told my mom I didn't think I was going to invite them and I told her why. She has asked questions about the wedding when I'm at home helping her with dad or giving her a break. She was really upset about it but told me not at me and it was not my fault and she understood.

Now my mom's siblings are really pissed off at me and they say I upset her so badly and I could have just invited them for my mom's sake and said nothing about my half siblings. Then if they didn't come it was on them and she might not have noticed, which I think is crazy because surely she would notice two of her kids not at the wedding of the third. But they have been especially angry with me and it's making me question my actions.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Teakettle8790 on 2024-01-09 06:45:33+00:00.

My sister 34, (I’m 33) have not had any contact in 2.5 years. The last time I saw my sister her and I fought. I do not live in the same community as her, so I did not pursue a restraining order, but if we lived in the same place I would have.

About 2 months ago I received the save the date for my sisters wedding. My family wants me to reconcile with her. I agreed to talk to a counsellor with her, I found family counsellors in my and her area that offer virtual appointments, I sent them to my parents and her partner to give to my sister so she could choose who we talked to. She refused to talk to a counsellor with me and has insisted I just ‘forget’ what has happened between us. I am not perfect when it comes to my relationship with my sister, growing up I said wrong things, and acted in the wrong way at times. In 2011 after years of suffering from depression I tried to end my life. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. At that time I lived with my sister and her friend Tina. Tina and I never got along well but my sister and her really did. When I was in hospital my friend went to my place to pick up a few things for me, she overheard my sister and Tina having a conversation about how they wished my attempt to end my life was successful and how it would have been easier to not have me around. When I was released from the hospital, Tina expressed this opinion to my face. I had a huge panic attack, and My parents who owned the place we lived kicked her out.

I found out on the weekend that Tina is a bridesmaid in the wedding. I have told my whole family I will not be attending the wedding, as I feel I do not want to be in a room with someone who wishes I didn’t exist. I have people in my extended family still expressing I should go, as it is my sister getting married.

AITA for refusing to attend?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MotherOfMerde on 2024-01-09 06:27:15+00:00.

My (23f) husband (23) and I have recently put our daughter (6) in a more advanced school, and she hates leaving her friends behind. She's been very passive agressive and upset about this, and asks to go back every chance she gets. One time, she blew up, and stormed off to her room. I went to tuck her in at bedtime, and she was gone along with her winter clothes and stuffed elephant.

We searched for her until 2 am, when we found her balling her eyes out in the tube slide in the neighborhood's playground. She sped into my arms, and I broke down with her, and carried her home and slept in her bed holding her.

In the morning, she wouldn't let go of me, and was uncharacteristically quiet.

My husband says she needs to be disciplined, but the thought of distressing her just...didn't compute in that moment. I said absolutely not, and put my foot down. He looked exasperated, and said we can't just let that stunt go, and I she's my baby and we are. He said I'm a better mom than that, but let it go. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Working-Fishing-9644 on 2024-01-09 20:56:40+00:00.

I 18F am dating Jacob 23M. We met at work and Jacob is a tall handsome guy. A lot of the girls at work like him and talk about him. We have decided not to tell anyone we are dating because we want to keep this to ourselves and keep it private. But there are some girls at work who are basically out to get anyone they can. For example there is a woman who literally slept with every guy at work or at least tried. She is following Jacob on instagram and she keeps commenting on posts and stories. There are also some other girls who keep talking about him at work and show others his insta pictures. I told Jacob that I am not pleased with this and he said that he isn't either but deleting them will cause drama at work. I told a friend about it and she said that I am TA for even asking because I knew what I was getting myself into. My friend said that I should either make my relation with him public or I should stop complaining. So AITA?