Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/InevitableNatural141 on 2024-01-09 20:52:34+00:00.

This got removed for being too long, so im being a bit choppier with my explanation and leaving out some random details i had added before, because itll be a easier read than the super long thing i had typed out lol, ill answer questions in the comments as fast as i can though.

I, 16F, am new to a very rural tiny school in a tiny farming town surrounded by other farming towns. Im goth, and i hang out with people that arent goth because thats literally all there is really, and i get along with them very well and i love them. Ever since ive moved to this tiny (like 20 kids in the highschool grades) school, these two girls who are sort of outliers, discord furry kind of weird girls, keep badgering me about how im so cool and “emo” and how theyd look so cool hanging out with me, and that I dont belong with “basics” and just a bunch of really cringy things. They badger me almost every single day, and essentially objectify me. I hate it, it makes me feel like they want me to be a silent accessory because every time they approach me its about my appearance or its insulting my friends. We would not get along at all, from what theyve spoken about around me I honestly despise these girls and i hate them more for how they treat me like a glorified purse despite how hard i try to get away from them and stay with my own friends, and they insult my friends so damn much, talk about how i dont belong with them and how its so sad im turning “basic” whenever i show up to school in something comfy and not a super gothic outfit like i do sometimes. My friends have seen them take photos of me multiple times, and even send them to a discord chat once. They sit there across the room and just discuss my outfits, my hair, my makeup, etc loudly as if im a doll and nothing more, and take photos of me like my privacy doesnt matter. I told them firmly to stop, that i didnt like them and they made me wildly uncomfortable and tried to point out how wrong it was to treat someone like that and got suspended for a day for “bullying”. So ever since then, me and my friends have just been straight mean to them. They come up to me, i tell them i hate them and walk away. They badger my friends, i tell them theyre the basic ones and leave. I groan loudly every time they approach me and i just try my hardest to show them i DONT LIKE THEM while taking out my frustrations on this situation by being rude back, but i keep getting in disciplinary trouble for bullying, and so are all my friends. Im honestly sick of this, and my mom thinks im in the right but every teacher thinks the poor girls just admire me, even though i didnt sign up to be worshipped by freaks.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Other-Bug-7660 on 2024-01-09 04:10:39+00:00.

I (23F) had cancer and lost my right leg below the knee as a result, but I’ve been in remission for a while and in early October was given a clean bill of health. I told my family as soon as I found out and they were all over the moon.

At Christmas my brother, Tommy (19M), said he had a surprise for everyone and pulled up his pants leg to show everyone the tattoo he got on his right calf for me as support. It’s one of those “Fuck Cancer” ones with the ribbon on its side as the C and K. Everyone said how touching it was and it was “true sibling solidarity” and I politely agreed.

The thing is I hate that design and my family knows it. When I was diagnosed, some of them started getting those kinds of bumper stickers and there was talk of a few people shaving their heads, but I told them not to, especially not bumpers stickers or decals of the the “Fuck Cancer” ribbon, and instead donate to the Australian Cancer Council if they really felt they wanted to show support in some way.

I guess my poker face isn’t that great because a few days after Christmas, Tommy asked me what I really thought of his tattoo. I said I liked it, but he knows me well and called my bluff so I was honest and said I appreciate the gesture but not the design.

Now Tommy isn’t talking to me and I feel like an asshole.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Witty-Commercial-546 on 2024-01-09 20:03:23+00:00.

So I (26M) have a friend group who regularly gets together. I have kind of an irreverent sense of humor, though I do try to know my audience and not make jokes if I think someone present would find it offensive.

One of the members of our group is a transgender woman, who I'll call Anna. We get along pretty well and have a very similar sense of humor in a lot of ways.

Anna makes these REALLY REALLY cringeworthy pun jokes all the time, pretty intentionally so. It's just a running bit where she says something really really corny and we all just groan or jokingly get mad and threaten to throw a pillow at her or something. It's all in good fun.

Anyway, last week we were hanging out and Anna makes this really really bad corny joke and I (very clearly in a joking manner) just said something like "the thing that proves to me you're a real woman is that you're not funny". She laughed, it's not that far out for a lot of the sort of jokes we make.

However, another member of the group, who's a bit of a recent addition, "Julia" took offense to this and said it was fucked up I'd make a "women aren't funny" joke. I told her I didn't mean it, it was a joke, and that I apologize if I gave the impression I was serious. Anna backed me up, and so did a few other people in the group, they all said they knew I didn't actually think that, but Julia said Anna "didn't get it", that saying something like that wasn't something to joke about, and left in a huff.

Should I not have made that joke? I didn't think it was that bad, and everyone else seems to think she overreacted, but I can't tell. That sort of joke isn't really that far out compared to some of the things we joke about, but I just feel bad. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/wormclinical on 2024-01-09 19:45:39+00:00.

Obligatory apology for mobile formatting, English not my first language, et cetera.

Me (18M) and my family live in a very small house, one of those old "workers houses" which were only designed for one person. My family is very proud of it, however, and I try not to complain.

But, having said that, there's only one toilet.

My family is very possessive over it. My mother has little bladder control and often needs it, my brother showers twice daily and is in there for hours doing his skincare, and my father enacts all hell on anyone who uses it when he wants it. It also just so happens that when I wanted to use it, even if I would wait ages for a free moment or ask the whole house if anyone else needed it before I went, there would always be SOMEONE who suddenly urgently needs to be in there right now or they'll die.

It got to the point where I developed a fear of using the bathroom. I would only use the toilet once a day, and shower once a week at 1am to avoid the chances of being "caught". My family mocked me for it, but when I got in the shower even for 2 minutes (I started timing my showers for 5 minutes in the hope it'd reduce the yelling) I was always ushered out immediately. I even tried to align it with people's schedules, but I felt like I was losing a battle. Some magical force would put someone and their anger between that bathroom and I.

It wasn't even that I was doing it for selfish reasons, to sit there and do my hair for hours etc. I have a really severe skin condition that requires me to get naked and ointment myself up, and my room is the only room without heating, so I need the warmth of the bathroom to get it done (I live in a cold ass country). And obviously, like most humans, I like being allowed to pee without being told to get the fuck out.

Eventually I put my foot down and demanded I get half an hour on Thursdays where the bathroom is completely mine, under the reasoning that nobody was working, or should have any reason to need the shower/not be able to pee before and after. Because of my fears, I figured enforcing a "safe time" where I could not be ridiculed or shouted at would be beneficial. I was called ridiculous for this, saying I couldn't police when other people used the bathroom. I snapped back that they did it for me constantly, and I was told that the rest of my family "needed it more", as if someone can be more deserving of the right to urinate. Right now my family aren't talking to me, and I've been trying desperately to amend it to no avail.

I don't feel like it's fair for me to put so much effort into trying to match their schedules only to still be harassed and I want to be guaranteed one day where I can at least give myself my meds and shower, but I understand I might be the asshole because I suppose it's very difficult to say "nobody have any needs for half an hour". So... AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Altruistic-Aioli1650 on 2024-01-09 17:38:27+00:00.

My boyfriend has a female employee that contacts him outside of office hours, sometimes at odd times. Sometimes it’s about work, sometimes it’s not. Theres been about 4-5 times that I have known she called or texted and I’ve expressed that I think this is inappropriate and he tells me nothing is going on and I need to get over it.

She has texted him at 5am on a snowy day to ask how the roads are going to be going into work. Last night he had a work event he was speaking at and she texted him to say good luck. She waited in her car for him outside after a work event one night. Separately these are all insignificant, but compounded it seems fishy. I told him that not a woman on earth would act this way if they didn’t have questionable intentions but he claims he doesn’t see it and tells me to get over it. I have asked him to keep his communication with her to work hours only unless it’s an emergency. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Spare-Bread8416 on 2024-01-09 15:11:47+00:00.

I have been dating a guy and he seems to have a quick temper when he feels attacked or doesn't like how something is going. AITH in this scenario?

We watched the college football championship last night. I brought snacks and made some too. He made some food, too. It was really fun at first. I was having a great time

Around halftime I noticed it said both teams hadn't won a Championships since the 90s, but I thought Michigan was considered the best team of all time. I also went there for grad school so I was like maybe I have a biased perception. I looked up some stats, and I saw Michigan really doesn't have very many bowl titles. I am an analytical person so I was trying to understand what that meant, esp because I hear people say M is so much better than OSU and MSU but they had won big deal titles more recently than M.

So we talked about that for a min and it was fine, he was really engaged in the conversation. Then I was just joking and I was like broo Michigan suckssss how come everyone convinced me they were so much better than MSU and OSU? So immediately the guy isn't playing around back and he's like look at other bowl titles. And I was like I did, they are not that great!! I grew up in Boston so I am used to people dogging on me about the Pats. I thought it was all in good fun to give a little shit, esp because neither of us watches a lot of football and Michigan was obviously going to win the game anyway.

He really got defensive which took me aback because I thought we were being silly. Again I went to Michigan, not him. He started saying I was ruining a Big Occasion for him and he loved Michigan since he was a kid and I was completely out of line to disrespect the winningest team in history. So I backed off and was like, yeah, "I just meant its funny I assumed all these things. Anyway, how does a team win so many games but not win the big titles? Does it have to do with their strengths and stuff?" And he got defensive again and started giving an explanation like, thats just how it is and I was like, no I'm really curious how does a football program with that many wins not make it to Championships or win bowl games if they're able to win season games so much? And got pretty mad and started waving his arms around for emphasis and was like, you just asked the same question over and over (I asked twice) and if you don't want to listen to me when I explain it to you, then why do I even bother talking. You're so rude and you never listen. On and on while I just sat there, stunned.

What's funny is he didn't mention that the two teasing comments I made are what pissed him off. He just kept making it about what a terrible listener I was. I was surprised because when I show him movies or shows I like, he talks about how much they suck, so I didn't think that kind of teasing would upset him so much. Am I really being that triggering??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/lovemiamoro on 2024-01-09 15:08:59+00:00.

I 32 f have a boyfriend Kyle ( 34) Kyle is a wonderful men who’s a giant goofball (literally a giant he’s 6‘,6“) a little intimidating and scary because he is crazy buff. I been with him a little over 2 years. We met at a party. He was going through some issues and I took it upon myself to help him out. Since it’s been two years. We decided that it’s time to meet the family. His parents were nice so was the rest of the family. They were so thankful that I was able to help out Kyle while going through a rough time. His dad was really nice and happy he’s obsessed with Mexican food and I’m Mexican and know how to cook lol ( thanks to my abuelita) last week it was my turn to bring him to meet my family. He’s COVER in tattoos 80% of his body is done. That itself is not the main issue. I have tattoos and my parents 3 each. The main issue is that my boyfriend has 2 BIG visible tattoos, A pentagram and Baphomet. While my parents are somewhat open minded. They are extremely Catholic. I’m no longer religious but I just play along to keep the peace. As most of you all know most religious people are completely ignorant to the true meaning. They have nothing to do with Satan, or any demonic entity. I asked Kyle if he would be ok if we put a band-Aid over them. He asked why and I explain the reason. He said sure, but I could tell he wasn’t happy about it. He met my family and everything went amazing. When we got home he ripped them off in a somewhat angrily way and threw them in the trash. I apologize dearly but he’s clearly really upset about it. So Reddit am I the asshole.

Update: I do want to add that I personally do not have an issue with them. I absolutely love him the way he is with all his tattoos. I truly do love him

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Careful-Math-8907 on 2024-01-09 14:24:15+00:00.

I am f 17 have always had cursed birthdays. So I made sure to hide it from friends so I wouldnt get expectations. Though for this birthday I thought I finally had friends where just being with them can make it amazing.The week before my birthday my best friend and I got into an argument. I didnt feel appreciated by her and when we would go out and all take pictures. She would aways post the ones without me in it, and always posted stuff with our other friends. Though always says how i am her number 1. On my birthday my dad told me I was not allowed to go out because I had gotten in trouble a couple weeks before for being high. He said I could go out friday because my birthday was also during the school week. I was telling my other friend how I would not go out today and would go out friday. What hurts the most is my dad kept trying to get me out of my room to celebrate my birthday with my family and I kept refusing. Thinking to myself I wish I was with my friends. A couple days later I was accidentally told by the same friend I told i couldnt go out that they had all hung out on my birthday. I immediately burst into tears just feeling sorry for myself. Was too busy thinking about my friends to go celebrate with my family and they were out not thinking about me once. Whats worse is both of them said “well you were invited” and its like wow ty so much for inviting to my own birthday celebration. While they have apologized and its been some time. I cant seem to let it go. And i dont know what to do. This is the same best friend im applying to the same colleges as so we can stay together. But i am just so hurt. And even now a couple months later I dont think they get just how much it hurt me. I dont know if I just have a victim complex and am overly sensitive. But one thing I have learned is that I was right to swear off my birthdays and know to never celebrate it again.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Curious_Repeat8183 on 2024-01-09 14:18:53+00:00.

AITA for refusing to help my sister

I 33m have a sister 20f

My sister hasn't been doing well financially for the past few years she's been struggling to pay rent for her one bedroom apartment and her parents refused to take her in.

I have a good job and my husband has a business so we are pretty well of financially my sister asked if I could help her out financially or take her in.

I refused because it's not my responsibility to take care of my sister I told her she should find a way to make more money or just live on the streets because I don't want to take her in.

My sister got upset and left a few days later my mom is saying I'm selfish and I should take care of my sister.i talked to my friends about how my sister is trying to use me and all of them are calling me selfish.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LingonberryHopeful42 on 2024-01-09 18:02:36+00:00.

I F/25 kicked my now ex-boyfriend M/26 out of my apartment yesterday.

We were at the stage that I had no problem with him staying at my place without me being there. He was living with me temporally while his place got renovated.

I explained my rules and boundaries beforehand and he agreed to follow them.

Since my siblings are coming to place pretty often, they have their own room, which is important later.

The most rules are set in my kitchen and my pantry. Everything is color-coded with tape to mark personal items that are not open for sharing, items where you would need ask first before taking something and most important all items that contain lactose, since my little brother is lactose intolerant and confuses some items. He always has lactose free option marked in his color that he enjoys.

Paul got his own color while he was staying at my place.

My siblings and I planned a movie night at my other brother’s house and Paul wanted to go out for drinks with some friends and hangout later at someone’s place.

My neighbor had called me on the way home to tell me that a lot of people she had never seen before just left in a hurry. That was weird, since it was only supposed be Paul in there if he as already back from his friends.

Before I went to my apartment, I brought my siblings to my neighbor since I trust her with them.

When I opened my front door, I was shocked by the smell of alcohol and that someone hat visibly had thrown up in my kitchen sink.

Paul was trying to clean up and tried to minimize the chaos that was going on and to keep me out of the kitchen. I go passed him and saw, that someone had successfully broken of one of the doors to my fridge and it was empty now. There were empty containers everywhere on the surfaces and the floor. Scattered lactose free products and everything was really disgusting.

I ignored Paul while inspecting all the other rooms. My sibling’s room was full of dirt, cause obviously no one had taken their shoes of. Some stuff was broken and someone had torn pages out of books and thrown up on the floor.

My bedroom was snooped through, the barely existing make up I owned was smeared over the bathroom mirror, and something pooped into my bathtub.

Luckily no one got into my office, since I had locked that, but it was obvious that someone had tried to pick the lock.

Paul still tried to justify all the mess as “the little get together got a bid out of hand”. I went into my bedroom and put all of Paul’s stuff in a bag When I finally reach his keys, I tore of the ones to my apartment and to the building.

Paul was screaming at me and begging not to throw him out, but I di not care for it and pulled him outside to his car. I left him there. He was crying and begging, asking for forgiveness, insulting me. He shouted that he would be homeless and had nowhere to go. I did not care.

I send him a message that it was over between us and that I never wanted to see him again.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SensitiveBet1070 on 2024-01-09 17:40:34+00:00.

I (33M) have never been very close to my sister Kate (32F). Despite us being a little over a year apart in age, we were always very different people and Kate has always had a bad habit of flying off the handle when people cannot read her mind. When we were little it started as her getting mad when I took the chocolate ice cream when she wanted it and she would scream until our parents disciplined her. The thing is, she would never say she wanted it until after I had chosen it. Our parents would ask and sometimes they even asked her first and she would shrug so they would ask me. Then it would be tantrums. It was the same if we were ever at our grandparents house and they would set up these movie nights. They would ask us what we wanted to watch and she would say nothing and as soon as I answered she would pitch a fit about it.

We were teenagers our parents decided we each should cook one night a week for the family. I would ask Kate questions like "rice or noodles" and she normally wouldn't answer and then she'd flip out if I made rice and she was like I wanted noodles!! Whenever I did get an answer I would make that. But it was exhausting. She was like that with others too. Like one time all our girl cousins went to see a movie together during an extended family meet up and she flipped on them for seeing the movie she didn't wanna see but they all said she didn't speak up when asked what she did want to see. Some of her friends left her behind too because she was like that. She also created a very big rift with her husband's sister because of something similar around her SILs wedding.

We both semi-recently became first time parents. Kate and her husband had a boy and my wife and I had a girl. We named our daughter in honor of my late grandmother who was very special to me. When Kate heard about the name she flipped her shit and cussed at my wife while I wasn't home and then proceeded to cuss at me for stealing the name from her and how she wanted to use that for a daughter in the future. I got so mad I yelled at her to fucking stop. I told her she doesn't get to call dibs on a name and she cannot expect me to read her mind or expect anyone to read her mind. I said she had never expressed an interest in using the name and often talked negatively about using family names as first names. Even commenting how much she was glad she wasn't me because I was named after a family member. She told me I was being insensitive and making her seem hysterical when she has every right to be upset. Then she told me to stop judging her. She was more angry and upset then I had expected and it made me pause even though I'm still unhappy with her.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cheap-Meaning-4049 on 2024-01-09 17:10:07+00:00.

32f. I have 4 kids. 13, 12, 9 and 4mo (yeah, I know, don't come at me). As of 4 weeks ago, the kids school shut down completely due to water damage and a fallen roof in the gymnasium/cafeteria. They should be returning fairly soon, I would think. Until then, virtual learning. I'm honestly just having a rough time with the lack of decompression time. The kids are simply more rambunctious than usual due to lack of stimulation and sitting at a computer screen for learning (same thing happened during COVID) but add a baby who is going through sleep regression, whom sleeps ALL day and is up quite literally all night and you get one tired mama who has zero down time. It won't last forever and that's what I keep telling myself but right now, I seriously just need a breather without entertaining or answering questions or being touched.

My husband is fully aware of this but for whatever reason, he feels it doesn't apply to him. So on the off chance that the baby does go to bed at a decent time (when the other kids are in bed) he assumes I want to spend every second of that time with him. I understand how important it is to maintain that closeness with him but right now I'm touched out. So him touching me and trying to "get a piece" or trying to talk about our finances (which we already talk about when the kids are awake) is exhausting. Especially considering he gets down time. After the kids go to bed, he goes to his office to do whatever for 2-3 hours while I try to get the baby down (she's strictly breastfed). It's just that the second she is asleep, in his head it's like a "oh, kids are all asleep, my turn to get attention". Even if he sees that I've opened a book or put in headphones. And it's just getting increasingly frustrating because like I said, the baby is up all night and she's at an age where she wants me to be fully engaging with her (talking, holding, playing) or she gets fussy. So everyone here right now is just constantly begging for my attention, while I'm just begging for 30 minutes of being left alone. And like I said, my husband is fully aware of this. I've told him. He simply thinks it does not apply to him.

So, last night I got the baby to bed around 9ish and my husband comes in and says "wanna watch a movie", so I said no and that I wanted to read but he could watch the movie beside me so we are still together or whatever. But he kept making comments. "Babe, you don't even want to watch this? It's funny." Or "did you see that?" (And then proceeds to rewind the movie so I can see even though I said I didn't want to) and lastly the "you don't even wanna give me that butt?" At this point I'm fuming mad because I haven't made it through 2 pages uninterrupted and I snapped. I said "will you just leave me alone? Why do I have to keep repeating myself to you?" He turns off the movie and storms off to the office, while saying "I just wanted to fucking hang out with you" and now I feel bad but I need to be left alone for once.

eta: he does his part around the house. he helps clean, helps with dinners and is usually the one who drives the kids to and from their sports. this isn't about what he does and doesn't do to pull his weight. it's only about me not getting any down time because he, much like the kids, want my undivided attention. we do still hang out together. we literally watch a movie together every single night. but on the nights that I don't want to do that, he sits and basically begs for my attention, even when I've voiced that I want to do my own thing.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/consumerofgender on 2024-01-09 20:54:00+00:00.

For some background, I’m 16FtM transgender, and I’ve been out to my family as trans and bisexual since around 2020. I don’t see most of them very often, but they all have me added on Facebook where they see me going by male name, male pronouns, and presenting as a guy in the world.

My mother is somewhat transphobic. She’d never admit it out loud, but she hasn’t ever called me by my preferred name or pronouns. Other members of my family have done it once or twice, but my uncle is really the only person consistently calling me by my name.

Now, onto the question.

Since the holidays just wrapped up, I was carted around to multiple family functions. At every single event, I was deadnamed and misgendered. People commented on my body quite a bit, which obviously would make anyone uncomfortable. But a lot of it was nonsensical. Stuff like “Oh, your chest is growing in nicely!” when I was wearing a chest compressor and 3 layers of clothes. They also asked multiple times about why I do “masculine” activities like sports and why I only play male characters in the school drama club.

After many breakdowns in bathrooms and straight up leaving to go to friends, I told my mom I don’t feel comfortable going to gatherings anymore. The amount of comments on my physical appearance coupled with being misgendered has made them unbearable. She told me I was being selfish and that sometimes you need to sacrifice for family. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/cositarica27 on 2024-01-09 16:08:25+00:00.

Hi everyone, I need your judgment on a situation involving my teenage nephew's finances.

My sister & family overall have poor money management skills, and my nephew, recognizing this, asked me to control his money for him, since I am more responsible & manage my money well. He values responsible financial management and, after discussing it with him, I agreed.

He’s only a junior in college but he’s earned a decent amount of money through little jobs he’s done here & there, as well as life guarding in the summer. When he needs money for something I give it to him.

Originally his account was linked to my bank but in his name that way i can do easy transfers for him when needed.

Now, recently his mom (my sister) & her husband somehow bought a house way beyond their means, I really don’t know how they got approved. But now they are drowning in bills and consistently behind. My sister revelry called her son in college and asked him to give them what he has so they can cover some bills. My nephew being the honest kid he is actually told them how much he has saved, upwards of 5k & they wanted all of it.

He said no because he’s saving this money for when he graduates so he can buy a car or maybe move out and start his life. My sister then forcefully tried to go to his bank and demand money be withdrawn but she was denied since I am the main account holder. My sister called me and insisted I transfer her the money because it’s her son and she has a right to that money. I stood my ground and said no it’s not fair to take from him and what he’s worked for, especially since I know for a fact they won’t pay him back. My nephew offered them a compromise of giving them 1k free and clear but they want all of it & I refuse to release it as my nephew has told me he doesn’t want to.

Now my sister has called our mom & entire family to make me look like a controlling bitch and saying how i am trying to parent her son and teach him bad manners and not to help family. She’s telling everyone I should give her control of the money cause it’s her son.

So, AITA for standing my ground and refusing to give my sister access to her teenage son's money, even though he and I both think it's in his best interest to have responsible financial oversight? I’m wondering I am since they really need it and may lose a lot without it but my nephew said no and it’s his money.

Tl;dr My sister wants to take advantage of her son and use his money. I am the one managing the account and she demands I transfer control over to her so they can use the money for real expenses

Update: To add some additional info on why I still am a custodian on the account. The account was opened when he was 15 because his parents would always take any money he was given like for Christmas or birthdays. I am still on the account because he does not want me off till he finishes school and can move away from his parents for good

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ConcernedFriend42069 on 2024-01-09 20:17:10+00:00.

Using an Anonymous account for personal reasons. So I have a work friend, let’s call him Ryan, who is a muslim. Now I had him over for dinner and we were having burgers and fries. Im from the U.S. south and cooked everything in bacon grease cause Im unhealthy and the burgers were a hit with everyone there. Ryan especially loved them and ate like 4 burgers (they were slider size). After we were done eating he asked how I made them And I gave him detailed instructions. He immediately blew up because he can’t eat anything pork related because of his religion. I am not religious at all and had no idea this was the case. I felt awful and tried to apologize but he wouldn’t accept my apology and acted like i was trying to poison him. If I had known he had dietary restrictions I would have not used any pork products at all and I feel I should have asked. The next day at work I get called into HR and they tell me I have to switch teams (we work in a call center where every supervisor has a team of 10-15 people) because Ryan had submitted a complaint that I am islamaphobic and if I cause any further issues I will be terminated. I tried explaining it was a mistake and I felt awful but the HR department basically just shrugged their shoulders and told me “if someone has a complaint filed against them for any reason that person needs to switch teams” this sucks because I had a great relationship with my team and supervisor and we are the highest performing at my job, but they put me on the lowest performing teams, and the way the team performs affects your monthly bonus so now I am making $300 less per paycheck and there is nothing I can do about it. So Reddit am I the asshole here for not asking about my friends dietary restrictions?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Psychological_Lab_52 on 2024-01-09 20:05:10+00:00.

This friend in question is someone I always clash with from time to time since we both have big personalities. The ex is from the same city as my friend (I was travelling abroad at the time) but they've never met, the only link between them is one of my friend's friends, who kind of knows my ex from a distance albeit having never spoken to her before.

Without going into too much detail about the relationship, I felt unhappy and decided to break it off. I took a long time to heal and work on moving on after the break up, and I confided in said friend throughout that process.

The conflict with her started when she shared me some meme about someone getting too attached after a hookup. I laugh reacted to it and asked her which one of those people I'm supposed to be (the overly attached party or on the receiving end of one?). She claimed I'm the former, and upon being asked to elaborate shared some pretty sweeping judgements about the nature of the relationship and how my ex (according to the friend of hers who knows her from a distance) didn't seem as interested in me as I was in her.

Now, she defended this by saying that she was told it while I was still in the city, I.e when we were still going out. From my perspective, I couldn't fathom why it would even occur to her to share this information when she knows full well how long I'd taken to heal.

Not only that, but that her friend's judgement was so ridiculously speculative as to have zero basis in reality. Sure, you can make an informed judgement about the quality of a friend's romantic partner and people do that all the time, but based on some whimsical ideas you got second hand from someone who doesn't even know them themselves??

I was furious with her, not just because of this incident but because I felt there'd been a string of examples of her not respecting or supporting me as friends should. She's a very insensitive person and finds it hard to empathise with people, cutting people off for being too emotional because she sees them as too much of a burden. The classic hubris of avoidant types, acting like they're superior because they conceal their emotions from the outside world.

I don't usually do this, but with all that rage built up I asked her straight up "what the F does your friend know?", and with her telling me to calm down suggesting I was overreacting, told her to F off. That was it. She ended the conversation telling me that she didn't feel comfortable talking to me and that it would be best if we don't stay friends.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/vegetariandaughter on 2024-01-09 15:13:12+00:00.

I (24f) have been vegetarian for several years, my parents decided that I could either eat their food or buy my own, and I have bought my own food since I was 16. There were times they could have easily made minor changes so I could eat with them (like not adding bacon bits to the salad until after it's served, or using butter/oil instead of bacon grease) but they never did. They don't really accept me not eating meat, especially my dad.

Anyways. They needed a place to stay near where I lived, and after some pushing I agreed to let them stay with me for one weekend. I got several options for them for food;

Breakfast: Yogurt parfait, sourdough bread (homemade) and croissants, a bunch of things to put on bread, eggs, OJ, coffee and tea.

Lunch: soups (tomato and potato leek), grilled cheese / bread rolls.

Dinner: eggplant parm with salad and garlic bread one day, and chili with rice, sour cream and cheese for the next.

These are all things they can eat and enjoyed eating in the past (though usually with meat mixed in/as a side). I've provided more for them then they have for me. But according to my dad it wasn't enough. He insisted on going on to buy some ground beef to mix into the chili the second evening. I told him he's free to go out to eat, but he can't cook it in my kitchen.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bubbles6758 on 2024-01-09 17:55:59+00:00.

I (18 female) got an invasion to a party from one guy in my class and I am planning on going. ( This is one of the first times I'm invited to a party). The problem is that my boyfriend didn't get an inversion because he doesn't go to my school and doesn't like any of my friends. He's trying to forbid me to see some of them for no particular reason at all.

This is nothing like the guy likes me or anything. I got the invite from one of my friends (female) and I'm mostly going because my 4 girl friends are going.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Kak_o on 2024-01-09 17:39:38+00:00.

I am a 15-year-old male student from Italy, and I attend a Classical High School where we study Latin and Greek. I have a dilemma that I would like to share with you and ask for your opinion. (no advice, thank you)

We have an assignment for our civic education class, which is about how we are aware of our own identity and values. The assignment was supposed to be submitted in December, before the winter break, but I managed to persuade the teacher to extend the deadline to January. I thought this would give me more time to work on it and improve my grade, since I got a four (equivalent to a D) in the first term.

However, most of my classmates are not very diligent or interested in this subject. They rarely study or do their homework, and they complain whenever I remind the teacher about it. They say that I am ruining their fun and making them look bad.

The problem is that we had three weeks to prepare this assignment, and I started working on it before the winter break. Now, they are asking me not to remind the teacher about it, because they have not done it yet. They want me to wait until next week, when they will hopefully finish it.

I agreed to wait, but I am not happy about it. I have to carry my paper with me every day, and I am afraid that it might get damaged or lost. Moreover, I think it is unfair that my grade is being delayed because of their laziness and irresponsibility. I worked hard on this assignment, and I deserve to get feedback as soon as possible.

AITA for wanting to turn in my assignment on time and not waiting for my classmates?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_1989_Blue on 2024-01-09 14:15:00+00:00.

I desperately need outside perspective.

I have been married to my husband Will for 3 years now, dated for 2.

Before me, Will was married to his high school sweetheart Anna for 3 years. Tragically Anna died during the birth of their child, a little boy they named Damian.

I met Will 3 years later. He was my older cousin's college friend. Will wasn't looking for a relationship but we somehow hit it off. I met Damian 2 months into making our relationship official.

I love the little one with all my heart. And he is just the sweetest little man in the world. Always smiling and happy and polite. I would say I fell in love with Damian first and Will later.

His parents and siblings were happy for Will and I and always thanked me for being there for Damian.

Anna's family however, did not like me. They thought Will was moving too fast and that I wasn't a good influence on Damian. For context, I'm muslim and Anna's family are very strict Catholics.

Their attitude towards me kept getting worse as Damian began getting more comfortable with me as a constant presence in his life. And because he was so young and Anna's family lived kind of far away, they weren't much of an influence in Damian's life. Will did take Damian to visit them once every month but as a young kid, he obviously preferred his dad and later me.

I want to have kids later (in my 30s) so for much of his childhood, Damian will be my only kid of sorts. And as a result, we got really close and he started calling me mama.

This enraged Anna's family as they felt like Will and I were trying to erase Anna from Damian's life. That wasn't true but you couldn't really explain the concept of a stepmother to a 5, 6 or 7 year old. Damian would get upset whenever someone said I wasn't his "real" mom and so I requested others to stop mentioning Anna until Damian was a little bit older.

When I made this request, not only were Anna's faEmily members enraged but Will's siblings also agreed and said I was trying to take Anna's place and that it would be a very asshole thing to do.

But I don't think I'm being cruel or mean by trying to be a good mother figure to Damian and think of his feelings. Like, Anna is gone but Damian is the one here right now. Shouldn't his feelings/thoughts matter more? Am I being manipulative in anyway? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ctmcaliacg0307 on 2024-01-09 17:26:43+00:00.

Well, never thought I would have to post here but, Here I am.

I’ll try to keep this brief. My best friends are getting married on a cruise this April.

My cabin mate (let’s call him Bob) is one of the brides longtime best friends.

I paid the $500 deposit required to hold our room when we booked last year*.

My cabin mate Bob has not paid any additional money toward their half of the cabin ($1200 each)

Recently Bob got drunk and started going off on the Brides, saying very awful and honestly if it were me- unforgivable things.

Due to this, Bob now wants to cancel. The final balance is due in full this Sunday 1/14/24.

I am unable to pay for his half and mine (total $2400, remaining balance is $1900) so I’ll have to cancel and be out the $500 I paid**** plus my flights and things I’ve purchased.

AITA for asking that he reimburse me the $500 I paid for the deposit instead of just the half ($250) he should of paid when we booked? (I’m out flights I booked with 50,000 airline miles- “Bob” hasn’t booked anything so far and has paid $0 )

Appreciate you all for reading and providing your opinions !

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Rough-Fondant4797 on 2024-01-09 14:55:23+00:00.

AITA for being mad at my boyfriend because of a game?

(English isn't my first language so please excuse grammar mistakes)

I'm currently staying over at my boyfriends place (it's a long distance relationship) and since he has a new job we don't see each other that much. After work we usually eat, then he plays his video game and then we go to bed. All fine so far if there wasn't the problem that he always gets annoyed when he plays that certain game. I've told him many times that I don't like it when he yells at his tv and sometimes even at me for asking a simple question like "can you please keep your voice down a bit?". Even tho he told me many times that he wouldn't get annoyed this time it still happens. A few days ago I asked him to have video game free days. So that we can spend more time together since we already see each other only for a few hours each day. He said he's fine with having game free days every three days (so two days playing one day no games). Yesterday I asked him if we could do something today without him playing games and he told me that " you can't always get what you want". Right now he's of course playing again and I'm quite annoyed because all I want is to spend a bit more time with him. I already told him my reasons yet he doesn't seem to listen or care about them. Now I'm wondering if I'm asking for too much. I know he likes to play to calm down a bit from work (even tho he gets even more irritated everytime he plays).So am I the asshole for being mad that he won't stop playing?

Tldr: My boyfriend and I don't see each other often but instead of spending some freetime with me he always plays videos games.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_French_75 on 2024-01-09 13:34:08+00:00.

My daughter (F21), let’s call her Jody, is an extremely lacking in empathy woman. It seems no matter what I do or say, unless she gets her own way, she won’t let things rest. Unfortunately she is a carbon copy of her father who is emotionally abusive towards me (we are separate under the same roof).

Long story short, we have all our children living at home with us and things are financially extremely tight. I didn’t start charging rent until my daughter graduated from University and earnt a full time wage. Even then it’s a nominal amount of $70 per week. This includes all her meals, aside from her work lunches, water, electricity and internet. I do her laundry too.

She’s been told that she may be required to return full time to the office (currently in a hybrid wfh arrangement), and announced to me this evening that as soon as it’s confirmed (very likely tomorrow morning), that she will quit on the spot. I reminded her that she still has bills to pay (her own car and rent, etc) to which she rebuffed and said that she would no longer be paying rent as she wouldn’t be earning an income.

I told her that she couldn’t do that in a normal lease situation because the rent would still be due and to find another job first. She’s refusing and becoming hostile accusing me of robbing her of her future house savings.

I’m furious as I’m trying to save to take my younger kids and leave the house situation (I’m constantly upset and walking on eggshells). In addition to this, she refuses to help around the house and when I ask for genuinely small favours, she answers non-commitedly, and leaves me stressed. I’m at my wits end and the guilt is piling on thick. I don’t know anymore what to think.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Undead_Rivalry on 2024-01-09 14:44:53+00:00.

I (16F) was sleeping last night and my sister (almost 18F) woke me up because dinner was here so I got up and tbh I can’t remember much bc I was practically sleep walking. This morning I wake up at around 2 am to get something to drink and I’m up for about 6 hours after that leading to now when my sister walks in and yells at me for getting a cup of soda saying and I quote: “You know you didn’t have to get the biggest fucking cup ever that’s all we had to drink and mom told us to share it I only had one glass and dad had 2 and look at you” of course I started crying because what else am I supposed to do I’m terrified and I hate being the one yelling at people I’m so scared to the point I wish I were at school but I can’t because it got canceled I can’t even imagine what my parents will say to me when they wake up.

Edit: I texted my grandma and she said she’d come get me but I still have school work to do and my sister will yell at me.

Another Edit: I just now apologized and stayed in my room and sadly I can’t lock my door because my parents don’t allow it so I’m just sitting here praying she won’t yell at me anymore

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Budget_Tie_1518 on 2024-01-09 13:04:06+00:00.

My niece (18f) was raised by my sister and my sister's husband aka my niece's stepdad. My niece was just 3 when her stepdad came into the picture and he was an amazing dad to her. He was everything her own father refused to be and she was legally adopted by him a couple of years ago when she was 16.

My BIL had other kids before he married my sister. He was a deadbeat father to them. I only learned this Christmas of 2022. He announced that he had regrets about not being there and was reaching out to them. It did not go well and my niece heard a lot of stuff that she shouldn't because she was snooping (she admits to it). BILs kids were furious with him and hate his guts. My niece didn't like how they were speaking to him. They have all met a couple of times now. He has met up with them on his own as well.

Last week my niece was telling me that her dad's kids were saying they would have been better off with him dead, called him pathetic, told him he was sick for raising her and not them and how her amazing life was bought with money he owed their mom for them. She also told me that she spoke up for her dad and told his kids that they were wrong to speak to him that way and he was an amazing dad. She even argued with them when they said he was a deadbeat. She was upset when they told her he shouldn't have been there for her and he should have been there for his real kids instead, the ones he made and then abandoned. My niece tried to tell them she was their baby sister and they shouldn't talk to her like that and they told her she was no sister of theirs.

So she was telling me all this and how horrible they are and wrong they are and that they were even more wrong when they were told they're wrong. I told her she wasn't helping things and that I didn't think she was handling this dynamic the best and she should be more sensitive to the fact her amazing dad was not an amazing dad to his bio kids and they are allowed to be hurt and angry. She said it wasn't her dad's fault and I said that is exactly whose fault it is. Even he admits it.

She told me she wanted to vent and didn't want me to call her out. She told me I owe her an apology just like BILs kids do.

AITA?