Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Minkie069 on 2024-01-08 21:15:41+00:00.

I want to keep this story anonymous so I won’t be using any names. I (31) female have been with my current man (32) male for about 12 years now. I was 20 when I met him I already had my daughter and only dated for about six months before having our first son together. Although I wasn’t ready for another child I accepted it and moved in with his parents as he was still residing with them. I soon realized what a mistake this was because his mother became very controlling about the way I was going to raise my son. She wanted to do things HER way and wouldn’t let me do things my way. This cause several fights in the household. I’ve asked my husband several times for us to move out to no avail. He keeps making excuses like “we have no money” “my dad won’t have a way to work” etc. my dad has offered us help on numerous occasions even offering to co-sign on a house, just so we can have our own space. Of course my man refuses. It’s been TWELVE years and we are still living with his parents, in less than ideal conditions. The house isn’t bad but it’s extremely cramped. Let me explain. The house has three bedrooms total. In the house are six adults, three children (our kids) and a dog. His mother and father have the biggest bedroom. Both his brothers have their own bedrooms. That being said my man and I and TWO of our kids ages (9)&(10) are sleeping in the bedroom with us. While my oldest daughter (13) sleeps on the couch. AM I THE ASSHOLE for demanding to move out of his parents house so that we and the kids have our OWN space????? Just an FYI I did have a great job that paid me 18 an hour, my two youngest children are autistic and they’ve had their challenges in school therefore I had to quit my job because he made more money than me. I understand why and did so, I’ve since been actively applying to any job I can to start working again. It’s been 12 years how long does he expect me to wait??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hour-Stretch2268 on 2024-01-08 20:45:55+00:00.

My MIL is a good woman, make no mistakes. I'm not trying to paint her in a bad light here. I do love her but I'm so resentful of her that it's clouding my brain. She has this overwhelming desire to feel needed and comes over here whenever she finds out any of us are ill. Even if we tell her no, she will still show up. And like... She doesn't help. That's the thing. She comes here with a can of chicken noodle soup and then stands in front of our TV or tries endlessly to get us to talk to her, knowing I have zero energy to entertain. Even when my husband and I had COVID. He told her and she showed up here and despite seeing that we were trying to rest, still attempted to get us to drink coffee with her and hang out in the kitchen. When we tell her to leave, it's always met with a "I will be fine" (thinking we are telling her to leave for her safety, which isn't the case 9 times out of 10). And it's happened so damn frequently (my husband has a weak immune system) that I don't want her here half the time, even on a good day.

We now have a 4 month old daughter. But Little Miss is feeling a bit under the weather (just a cold- she's been seen by her pediatrician). My husband gets a phone call from his mom earlier and he ends up telling her that the baby is a bit sick. After he gets off the phone I tell him that she had better not come here (him and I have discussed this in the past so he's fully aware how irritated it makes me when she shows up here while we are ill). He said "well she said she was going to swing by". I told him to call her back and tell her not to come and that I don't want her here. I told him to blame me. So, he did call her but he walked out of the room so I didn't hear the conversation. Next thing I know she's knocking on the door. He answers and says "I told you you didn't have to come" and she says "I know but I figured I'm needed". As soon as I heard this I honestly just started dressing the baby and packing an overnight bag. She comes in to the room and says "where ya going?" So I said "to a hotel" and pushed past her with the baby. She DOES know that I don't want her here when we are sick because I've told her that I don't want ANYONE here when we are sick, so it shouldn't have come as any surprise. Both my husband and MIL started protesting but I didn't even catch what they said. I just took off. My husband has been texting me ever since, saying I overreacted and that his mom simply wants to help but I argue that I truly don't need her "help", which consists of her just taking up my space and energy. I also didn't need her fussing over my already sick baby and getting her even more sick because she should be resting. I won't come home, despite him asking me to and I also said he either tells her she's no longer welcome here when we are sick or I will have to make a decision on whether or not I want to deal with this going forward because it may not look like a big deal but it is to me. He says he "can't believe how largely I'm blowing this out of proportion". AITA?

ETA: the bizarre bit of this is that my husband is not close to his mom. It seems like he is from the post but he's not. She was barely around during his childhood (he was raised by his sister). So she calls him like once a week and the conversation lasts maybe 5 minutes and it consists of "how is everyone" and that's it. When she comes here, HE gets awkward and clams up and they barely say 2 words to each other. He also word vomits due to awkwardness and over shares our finances with her too, just to have something to talk about. He acts super weird around her. So when she comes here, she's usually up my ass and it's me who's entertaining. I think she only comes by when we are sick because she feels like a shit mom for not being around for his childhood and now she tries making up for it.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Icy-Hotel5936 on 2024-01-08 20:35:02+00:00.

| (20M) have been with my gf (21F) for nearly 2 years now & something she likes to ask or bring up from time to time is if she got me an I love my girlfriend t-shirt would I wear it? It's usually just me saying probably not generally because I feel it draws attention or is loud & dont usually dress like that, also I think it just feels sort of possessive over me in a not so good way, but bottom line is I just don't want to & feel like that should be enough explanation when it comes to my own clothing. Most of the time it just ends in her getting a little upset & it getting dropped later, but last night when she asked & I tried to explain my side she got really upset & nearly started crying saying she just wish I would want to wear something like that without any gripes because I love her & wouldn't care what people think. I do love her but I don't believe I'm required to wear a shirt to prove that, it feels a little childish to me. now I feel pressured to wear something I don't really want to wear & don't think that it is necessary for me to wear to show that I love her. Am I the asshole for telling her no when she asks if I would wear the shirt? I feel like I'm not because I should be able to decide what I can & can't wear, but I could be wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Top_Sense6636 on 2024-01-08 19:47:29+00:00.

My wife is vegan. She hadn’t been vegan the entire team we’ve been together, she became a vegan relatively recently.

At first it wasn’t really an issue. I would do my thing, she would do hers. But as time has gone on, she has taken more and more issue with my foodstuffs in the fridge.

She knows that converting me to veganism isn’t an option or something I would consider.

One day, after another comment about my stuff, I got relatively annoyed and sarcastically asked something along the lines of “what do you want me to do? Get another fridge” and she said she would, in fact want me to do that.

I was hesitant at first because it just sounded ridiculous to me, but my wife pounced on the idea.

Eventually I caved, figuring that I bought it up (however sarcastically) and she called my bluff.

I agreed to cut back on my stuff in the fridge while I was in the process of getting a new one. But I set up both a fridge and a freezer in the garage.

Anyways, since I had a bunch of extra fridge space, I’ve probably been eating a ton more meat. I’d buy in bulk and freeze to save money instead of saving more space.

My wife says I took advantage of her veganism and weaponized it against her. But I figured if I have all this stuff that I got to accommodate her I may as well use it. So am I TA here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BubblyExpert7817 on 2024-01-08 19:44:33+00:00.

Here's the background:

While on a study abroad, my husband "Robert" got his foreign girlfriend "Elizabeth" pregnant. Their relationship was rocky and they've been broken up since Tim was about 1. I met Robert when their son "Tim" was 3 years old, Robert and I have now been together 13 years.

When I met Robert he was upfront that Tim always comes first and unfortunately is a package deal with Elizabeth until Tim is old enough for solo international travel - this was 'unfortunate' because at that time Robert and Elizabeth hated each other. My parents-in-law have always paid for plane tickets for Elizabeth and Tim to visit. Elizabeth and Tim usually visit for 2-3 weeks every year. Robert always requested my presence for these visits, to build a relationship with Tim and (at least the first few years) for moral support dealing with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth has (mostly) been nice to me although it's very superficial - we are not friends. She's fine with the in-laws, because they're very nice people who just want a relationship with their grandson and would never jeopardize that access. Robert and Elizabeth's relationship gradually improved, and by the time Tim was 7 they were on friendly terms.

Being required to spend 2-3 weeks every year staying in the same house as my husband's ex has always been at minimum uncomfortable for me, at times extremely difficult and painful. But I tolerated it without complaint, without fully expressing how hard it was, because I felt that my main 'job' here is to support Robert. I've been holding out for the goalpost Robert identified early on, that when Tim is old enough to travel alone, presumably Elizabeth will no longer come with.

Well, that time has arrived. Tim is 16, traveled alone to visit last summer and it was awesome. However Elizabeth said she wants to come visit again this year, and continue doing so every other year (no end date stated). My parents-in-law will never stop paying for plane tickets and never suggest Elizabeth not come - in fact 2 years ago, prior to Tim's first solo trip, they assured Elizabeth that she is ALWAYS welcome even after Tim is an adult, that she is family too. Statements/events like that have amounted to 'death by a thousand cuts' in which I've been experiencing serious depression surrounding Elizabeth's visits. I feel like that goalpost I was holding out for...has vanished entirely.

So I told Robert that I will no longer be present for the full 'family' vacations when Elizabeth comes, I will hang out for one or two weekends only (he knows I'm fully on board with vacations that do not include Elizabeth though). He is hurt, says my lack of presence shows everyone (including Tim) that I don't care. I say that a step-mother cannot form a relationship with a step-child when the mother is present anyway, and these visits are causing me extreme emotional distress so it's time I take care of myself (because no one else is considering my emotions here). So Reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/nopixie4me on 2024-01-08 19:32:30+00:00.

My (17f) sister (20f) has copied me a lot the last few years. She asks where I got clothes from and buys the exact ones, she uses the same langue, she dyed her brown hair blonde (my colour), she watches what I post about watching, she wears the same makeup i wear. Family and friends are confused and strangers ask us if we're twins.

I expressed several times that this makes me uncomfortable, both to her and to my parents. I don't wear the clothes she has anymore, but she will just buy whatever new clothes I buy. I don't post much on social media anymore, but she still knows what I do.

At the start I was worried about her mental health, I tried to get her to talk to me, but she claims she's fine. My parents refuse to do anything because 'it's harmless'.

So I posted on social media that I was getting a pixie cut (very short hair). I didn't. She did. She's very angry and says that I manipulated her into doing this (I just posted about me doing it, didn't mention her at all). My parents are upset. Though I don't want to upset anyone, I'm glad I look like a separate person again.

AITA?

TLDR: sister copies everything, made her think I was cutting my hair, didn't. She did.

Edit: apparently a similar thing was posted on here too, apologies, I didn't know. I'll read through those comments and delete this if it's too similar.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AnnoyedSun on 2024-01-08 18:53:04+00:00.

I'm (25M) currently the only child of my Dad (43) and Mom (42) as the result of teen pregnancy in high school. They grew up in a small town that very few people get out of and my mom was the quintessential popular girl and my dad the smart guy that should've gotten out. As you can imagine, becoming parents at 17 was not easy for them, but I truly believe they did the best they could. However their relationship was always challenging, my Mom was happy to stay in her hometown but my Dad had always hoped for more. We never really became a "normal nuclear family", Dad never married my Mom, they lived apart, and I never had siblings, all of which is an especially sore point for my mother. He's still an amazing father, I always felt he was there for me, even though some nights I know he was dog-tired he would still patiently teach me physics. He provided for my Mom and I, doing back-breaking work to now owning his own construction company, dude paid for my college in full. He told me that any college I could get into, he would sponsor my ambitions.

A couple years ago, my Dad met Anne (33F) who use to be my mentor during my college internship, now job. My Mom has not been handling any of this well, she accused my father of trying to replace her with a new stepmom for me, despite that I was almost 20 at the time when Dad and Anne met. When Dad and Anne got engaged and married, mom accused Anne of stealing her life. When they moved out of state to their dream home, Mom accused Anne of being a gold digger. Last month, I found out that Dad & Anne are 4 months pregnant with a girl. Mom found out last week and has been unconsolable. I'm really trying to be empathetic, but her reaction has been so out of proportion, accusing Anne of stealing my inheritance. I've listened to her for the last 4 years, playing armchair therapist for her issues with Dad, but yesterday I finally hit my limit and told Mom that she really needed to move on from her personal issues with Dad and find a purpose outside of trying to build a life with him because it obviously wasn't going to happen. Am I the asshole for being frustrated and saying that to her?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/OrderlyThought7 on 2024-01-08 18:23:06+00:00.

My mom has a friend (edit: removed “from work” because it’s not relevant. They’re more like family friends anyway) and they have a 13 year old girl (let’s call her Jane) who looks up to me, we’re both the eldest girls in immigrant families.

Recently, Jane and her mom have been fighting. Her mom says Jane is always on her phone, her grades are falling and she isn’t doing as well as she should be.

Jane comes to me, crying, stressed about the pressure her mom is putting on her. Everyone in her household sides with her mom, and she’s never felt more isolated from her own family. I told Jane that communication is important, where both sides are heard. Jane tells me that when they talk, her mom talks over her, and Jane starts crying so much she can’t get a word out.

Her mom wants the best for her, including good grades to get scholarships for good colleges. However, Jane tells me this pressure is too much, and no matter what, they can’t have a proper conversation because it’s always her mom taking control, just as how she does with everything.

So, with Jane’s permission, I talk to her mom for her.

Me: Jane feels like there’s a lot of pressure on her, too much. She feels almost unsafe talking to you because she’s scared of you. She feels like everything she’s doing is for you, not for her. The first thought on her mind when she gets a test result is “I hope mom is happy about this,” not “I’m proud of myself.” She says she never feels proud because it feels like you’re just constantly raising the bar for her. It’s unrealistic and you need to remember she’s just a kid.

Jane’s mom: I worked hard to build this life for her and it would be wasteful if she spent it all on her phone. If I didn’t encourage her to do well, she would do worse, it’s simple. I pay for extra tutoring, buy all the supplies she wants and needs, and I make sure she’s rested enough to study well. I want her to live a good life and that starts with good education. I don’t expect you to understand it yet anyway, you’re young and not a mother yet. You have no right to tell me how to raise my kid, so keep yourself out of my family’s business. You don’t live in our house, so how would you know the real story and not the fabricated one she told you? If she has a problem, she needs to learn how to talk to me about it. She has no reason to be scared, and at her age, I’m sure she’s saying that for attention or to be dramatic.

Me: I think this way of thinking is more harmful than not, but I understand I’m not in your family. However, just letting you know Jane has been crying for weeks about this, and this way of treating your kid is going to end up in her leaving you after she’s 18 with no look back. Believe me or don’t, but I know exactly what’s going through her mind and if you keep up this treatment, she’s going to grow up loving you because you’re her mother, but resenting you because you selfishly prioritized your own love as a mother before her as a person.

Now, I realize how harsh my last words were. AITA?

EDIT: I’m seeing a lot of people (on both sides) say that it’s better for someone licensed to take over. Jane’s mom does not believe in therapy or mental health, and bringing any “depression” or “anxiety” up would have made her more dismissive. She believes they are just emotions you should get over.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BubblyBoot6270 on 2024-01-08 17:44:45+00:00.

My husband has a stupid rivalry with my stepsister’s husband Jack. It’s been going on for as long as my husband and Jack have known each other (about 3 years) and it’s caused my stepsister to barely speak to me anymore outside of family events. I used to be close to my stepsister and I never imagined this would be how things turned out. I’ve asked my husband to stop entertaining Jack but it’s hopeless.

We were hosting a family gathering with my family and my in-laws a few days ago where Jack challenged my husband to a game of snooker. I tried to get them not to play but my husband’s brothers were loudly egging them on so they all completely ignored me and went off to play.

My husband predictably won. One of his brothers told me in front of everyone and I said “I don’t care” because I truly didn’t. The outcome was obvious and Jack was already getting my stepsister to leave because he couldn’t handle losing, especially not in front of an audience, so I wasn’t in the best of moods.

I got some flack from my husband’s brothers and my husband who said I wasn’t being a supportive wife. I’m not going to congratulate him for beating Jack for the thousandth time when he only accepts Jack’s stupid challenges to embarrass him at this point.

I'm only posting because my dad (who has no relation to my stepsister/Jack) privately told me I should've been happy for my husband and to not to let Jack cause issues in my marriage. I don't really agree but I'm also still annoyed at my husband for even entertaining Jack in the first place.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Upstairs_Quality6817 on 2024-01-08 17:20:05+00:00.

So I (m25) and my wife (f24) live together and recently my MIL and FIL haven’t been getting along so my wife told her she can come and stay with us.

Now usually I’m a man who likes my own space and I’m comfortable with it just being me and my wife in the house and I’m finding it a bit strange my MIL being here, we haven’t asked her to pay any rent or bills or food etc but she does cook about twice a week. Since she’s been staying here she’s been doing a lot of things me and my wife asked her not to do because we like things a certain way for example, don’t move anything in the house because me and my wife like everything the way it is or don’t eat leftovers in the fridge unless they’re yours (she did it anyway) and not to go into our bedroom.(she did it anyway) I am a 420 user and I like to smoke in the house because it’s my house and My wife has never had a problem with it, but I stopped smoking in the house because MIL is there now and I smoke in the garden, but whenever I come in my MIL ALWAYS complains and asks me why I have to smoke at all and complains that it stinks and I stink because of it and I never say anything back.

The other day we were all in the living room and we heard a knock at the door, it was one of my MIL friends, my MIL then went to the door and invited her in, (she didn’t tell us she invited anyone to our house) we were all in the living room for about 5 minutes when she called me and my rude for not offering her uninvited guest a drink. She then goes to the kitchen and opens a bottle of £150 wine from Portugal (without asking) that me and my wife were saving for our anniversary and started drinking it with her friend.

About half an hour later my MIL then asked me and my wife if we could go to our room so she can speak in private with her friend so my wife took me upstairs and apologised to me about her mum because she knows I hate unexpected guests. I then proceeded to smoke in the bedroom because I was stressed and annoyed, around 5 mins after she then starts shouting at me from the bottom of the stairs that I’m disrespectful for smoking in MY house and that I’m getting her and her friend “high”. I looked at my wife and she stood. There just looking at her feet So I went to the top of the stairs and told her she needs to be gone tomorrow when I get back from work because I refuse to be frustrated and uncomfortable in my own house.

While I was at work I get a text from my wife saying I was disrespectful to her mum and that she and her mum will be at her aunts house until I’m ready to apologise to both of them, and when she comes back she will be bringing my MIL with her. I’ve told her I’m not apologising and when and if she wants to come back she will be alone or she can’t come back at all

So aita

UPDATE: FIL has texted telling me thank you for having my MIL for the past 2 weeks, I told him what happened and he said my wife should have been on my side because he knows how my MIL can be and told my wife to come home and apologise l, he said I was more than likely not going to get an apology from either of them but to change the locks and not to accept my wife back until she apologises and he won’t accept my MIL BACK until she apologised because it’s only a matter of time until aunt gets sick of em because she already has a house full of people lol

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Painted-Planties on 2024-01-08 16:44:38+00:00.

Me [32F] and my BF [41M] have this ongoing battle and I am trying to see if I am being an asshole at this point or if my feelings are valid. I did not grow up with many female remodels, i.e. I did not grow up wearing or learning how to wear makeup. I also consider myself bad at femininity when it comes to keeping up with things like shaving, doing my hair, etc. I'm more of a roll out of bed, spend 15 minutes getting ready and then take on the day kind of gal. Don't get me wrong, I dress up for work, and I dress up on special occasions, but I don't tend to take the time to straighten my hair and put on makeup. Well, about a year ago my BF and I started dating. I know from his past GF's that he is used to a girl who wears a full face of makeup on the regular. For me, I see makeup as more of something to use to try to cover up flaws, or change the way you look because you don't like it or something. And maybe that's where the issue lies. But he has mentioned multiple times now, and even gotten a little argumentative about me not wanting to try to wear more makeup and dress up more and be more of a girly girl. It has come to the point where I feel like he doesn't like me as I am and wants to change me into something I am not really comfortable with. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwra_05i on 2024-01-08 15:45:48+00:00.

At the weekend my uncle passed away. I had not seen him in a few years but when I was a child we used to be quite close and I used to be really close to his children. It was obviously upsetting for me to hear. I put a meeting in with my manager at work to tell them what had happened and explain that I would need time off for the funeral.

When I met with my manager she said it was company policy for at least 3 days off for a bereavement but she asked if I thought I would need a bit longer. I said I wasn't sure at the moment and my manager asked if I would prefer a week.

I said as long as it is okay with her then yes a week would be good and it would allow me to see family before the funeral and offer help. I mentioned this to my girlfriend and she mentioned that she didn't think I was that upset to need a week off and asked if I was holding up okay. I told her I was upset but not completely broken since me and my uncle hadn't been close in years.

She asked if I would be spending the week with family and I told her I'd spend a few days with family but that I'll probably take a couple of days for myself and just stay home and have some time alone.

She accused me of misleading my work to get more time off but I pointed out it was my manager who suggested a week, not me. I would have accepted 3 days. She said I was exploiting a family tragedy to get extra annual leave.

I disagreed with her and said it's hardly like I'm using my time off for a holiday and that I shouldn't have to spend it all with family for it to be acceptable but she said what I did what horrible.

AITA for "exploiting a family tragedy"?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Quiet-Gur-1448 on 2024-01-08 14:05:53+00:00.

My niece Annabelle (15) went to live with her grandparents a few weeks ago. This was a long time coming. Annabelle has been miserable at home for years and has talked to her mom countless times and had me, my mom and my brother talk to her mom on her behalf before. Nothing changed until Annabelle was finally done.

This all started when Annabelle was 4. My sister Natasha (47) met her husband and they moved in together with his then 5 year old daughter, Jasmine. Annabelle instantly adored Jasmine which I know my sister hyped her up for them being sisters and stuff. But Jasmine from day one was very negative toward Annabelle. She would scream at Annabelle and call her names. It was normal kid acting out stuff that wasn't corrected from what we witnessed. Then over the years it just kept getting worse and it stayed a very negative relationship even after Annabelle stopped trying to be sisters or even friends with Jasmine.

Jasmine was with her dad way more than her mom. Her mom, like Annabelle's dad, was a bit of a deadbeat though at least she knew her mom where Annabelle has never met her dad. Whenever we would see them Jasmine would have no problem playing with other kids, even other kids in our family, but she would tell Annabelle she couldn't play or she would blame Annabelle for making her stop playing with others. My brother's kids would come and tell us what was going on and neither Natasha or her husband would say or do anything. My mom went over a few times to say it wasn't nice to exclude kids and Jasmine would say she hated Annabelle and wanted her to go away.

This all bled into school where Annabelle was bullied by Jasmine and some of her friends. Still nothing was done. Natasha dismissed everyone who mentioned it to her. She would even ask Annabelle if she really wanted her to be unhappy and single again or why couldn't she accept that some sisters won't always like you. She would ignore when Annabelle told her that Jasmine never liked her. We did our best to be supportive of Annabelle and we even tried to figure out if we could help things with her and Jasmine.

It came as no surprise to me when Annabelle told us her grandparents were fighting for custody. When they won it was surprising because I almost expected it to go in Natasha's favor since she's her mom. But the judge decided Annabelle was old enough to have a say and took everything into account. Natasha was furious with the decision and has been crying and raging ever since. Nobody has comforted her and we've pulled back now that we no longer need to go through her to see Annabelle. This might be why she showed up at my house the other night and wanted to talk and when I didn't let her in, she asked me why we're not there for her. I told her that I don't feel sorry for her at all and I said it was her fault this happened.

Natasha called me a bitch and stormed away from my house. She sent me a text yesterday saying I should still be there for her. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Free_Ad_9185 on 2024-01-08 13:57:29+00:00.

I (29F) am expecting my first in spring this year. My family, including my mother in law (53F) are throwing my a baby shower with all my friends and close family. As she is part of the party planning committee my MIL knew the theme before hand and bought an over the top dress (basically a gown) for herself to wear to the baby shower before I did. I recently showed her the dress I had purchased and it's basically a shorter and less fancy version of her dress. I told her that for a house her dress might be a little too much and that my mom, and other guests were wearing something more simple. She keeps responding with "it's not the fancy" and then indirectly told her that her dress is too much because it's fancier than mine. She keeps dismissing my feelings so I straight up said that baby showers are for moms not grandmas. Am I the AH and am I overreacting over a dress? My family is split between her side and my side.

Side note: my MIL is a lovely person and we normally get along but she definitely has first person energy and loves going over the top for everything, including gifts that she gives me and my husband. I know she's not doing this to be manipulative or mean but I can't help but be bothered that she will be upstaging me for my own Baby Shower.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/onmytimeaita on 2024-01-08 15:59:50+00:00.

My ex-wife (37F) and I (39M) divorced last year after 10-years of marriage. We have 3 kids together (8, 7, & 5). We have split custody, but the kids primarily live with their mom during the school year. My ex is currently on a week-long vacation in Mexico with a group of friends, so the kids are staying with me. I live outside of the bus route for their school so I have to drive them there in the morning and pick them up. This requires me to get them up a bit earlier than they usually do at their mom's house, so I try to get them to sleep a bit earlier too.

Last night I had all the kids in bed by 8:30pm. They weren't asleep yet, but they were in bed. My ex sent a text at 8:45pm saying that they just finished dinner and she wanted to do a quick video chat with the kids to say goodnight. I replied that the kids were already in bed and I didn't want to disturb them or get them riled up because we have to get up earlier in the morning to get to school on time.

She said that it would be a quick call and she just wants to say hi and that she loves them quick. I told her no. She asked if they were asleep and I told her not yet, but I don't want to turn lights on or do anything that might delay them getting to sleep. I told her that if she wants to talk to them the next day, that she should do it earlier in the night, possibly before she goes to dinner with her friends.

She kept replying that it would be a quick chat and she just wants to tell them she loves them. I told her no again and said I would let the kids know in the morning that she was thinking of them and that we can do a video chat the next night.

She told me I was being a jerk and that a quick 2-3 minute call with the kids wouldn't hurt anything. She just wanted to tell them she loves them before they go to sleep. I told her she should have thought about that earlier in the day and not right at bedtime. She said she doesn't get them ready for bed until 9pm at home so she knows they're awake. I reminded her that I need to drive them to school which requires waking up earlier so if she wants to talk to them the next day, it's going to need to be earlier in the night, not right at bedtime.

She tried one last time to say it would be a quick chat and I shut it down again. I told her that just because she's on vacation time doesn't mean I am going to adjust my schedule to hers. I told her that if she wants to talk to the kids while she's gone then it's going to be on my terms, not hers.

She told me I'm being too rigid and that a quick chat with the kids wouldn't be as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. I told her maybe not, but I'm not changing my mind and we can try again the next night. She agreed, but told me again that I'm being a jerk about this and I didn't need to make it so difficult.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RadiantAd9575 on 2024-01-08 12:30:26+00:00.

Last night my sister and I went to a dinner party to catch up with friends. We went to the same school together, my friends were her friend's younger siblings. Before Covid-19 happened we hadn't seen each other for at least two years and covid happened so it's been five years since we all saw each other. A lot has changed, many of us have graduated and have full-time jobs, many have gone on to start a PhD and so on.

My sister works at a high school as an English teacher whereas I work at a university as a university research lecturer. My sister spends 80% of her working hours teaching, the other 20% of the time is spent marking and doing admin. During dinner, a friend of hers asked me what I was up to now; before I got the chance to answer, my sister butted in, saying she's got the same job as me; she teaches. At this point, I said no, we don't have the same job. I corrected the fact she works as a teacher at a secondary school. I work at a university, and I only spend ten hours a week teaching; the rest is spent researching my field of work, coming up with new project proposals, publishing and much more.

I do admit that I have an attitude problem but I don't know why. Most of the time anything I say comes out in a rude tone even though I don't mean to. I immediately apologised for giving a rude attitude as it genuinely wasn't meant to happen. However, I didn't apologise for correcting my sister. We had dinner and went home, I noticed my sister was in a mood whilst dropping her off back to her place.

This morning I woke up to a message from my sister, which was a paragraph calling me an asshole for looking down upon her job and being downright rude. I sent a message back saying "I knew my attitude came off rude, but I apologised for it straight away when I noticed. I said I don't look down upon you because you're a teacher. I won't apologise for correcting you and saying our jobs are different. You are a teacher, and most of your hours are spent teaching; the rest is spent marking and doing admin tasks. Mine is spent teaching, marking, doing admin, creating research proposals, helping in projects, publishing and much more."

She is still mad at me. Was I in the wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sleepysleepychick on 2024-01-08 15:53:24+00:00.

Background: My (33f) friend Beth (34f) has an older sister Jill (38f) who has hated me since we first met. She always called me a “weirdo freak” and said I deserved the bullying I got at school because I was a such a dork. I stopped visiting Beth’s house because of Jill and didn’t see her again until Beth’s 18th birthday, where she told people that I was harassing her boyfriend (I’d literally said hello to him and that was it) because I was too ugly and weird to attract my own guy. Thankfully, she moved away not long after and I was just glad to be rid of her.

Which bring us to now: Beth and I arranged a dinner reservation with the other three in our group – Liz (33f), Kelly (34f) and Megan (34f). This was our first real chance to see each other in over two years, due to a number of reasons, and we were all looking forward for a chance to catch up.

Beth offered to drove me and Kelly with her to the restaurant (since neither of us can drive and I have CFS and several types of chronic pain so travelling isn’t easy for me). We caught a bus to Beth’s flat together but it was Jill who answered the door which shocked us both. Beth hadn’t told us Jill was visiting, and we’d have appreciated a heads up since neither of us have good history with Jill.

Still, we were polite. Kelly said hello and complimented Jill’s dress, and I said “Hi Jill, nice to see you, how have you been?”. Jill completely ignored Jelly and turned to me and said: “better than you, clearly, still a pale freak, aren’t you?”. I couldn’t help it and snapped at her that “at least I’m not a bitter hag still clinging to grudges I started with a 12 year old. Maybe it’s time you grew up a bit.”

Jill immediately ran off screaming for Beth and said she’s “not taking us anywhere until that c**t apologises” which confused me and Kelly because why would she be taking us anywhere? That was when Beth came out and revealed her car was broken so Jill was meant to be driving us and I should not have been cruel to her sister and “that’s just Jill’s humour”. Kelly called bullshit and said Jill is a bully and she only surprised I hadn’t snapped years ago and told me I’d better not apologise. I said I had no intention to. Beth said “well, you can make your own way to the restaurant then” and kicked us out.

Kelly and I called Liz and Megan to update them and say we’d be running late since we now had to pay our for a cab and they are split. Liz thought I should just apologise because Beth is siding with Jill and it would cut the tension, but Megan thought this was long overdue and Jill had it coming and Beth needs to accept her sister’s actions have consequences. In the end, I refused to apologise and we got a taxi, only to find out Beth was now refusing to join us over what I said to Jill. This was a week ago, and Beth is now refusing to speak to any of us other than Liz, who told her she’s said I was at fault, until I apologise to her sister. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Spiritual_Most_6874 on 2024-01-08 12:03:42+00:00.

My husband and I took some time out from his mom last year because she was interfering into my personal business that had no impact on her whatsoever.

The gist of what happened is; I was contacted by some biological family members of mine, my late father's parents and two of his siblings. They had reached out to say they regretted letting me and my younger sister go into foster care when we were 6 and 2 after our parents died. My sister died in foster care and then I was left totally alone with no family. So having these people reach out now that I'm 29 and haven't seen them in over two decades, it pissed me off.

The reason for them not taking me is I was my father's affair baby. He was married with kids when he and my mom started an affair and his marriage to his ex wife only came to an end when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me. The fallout meant my father was hated, understandably, but so was I and so was my sister when she was born. I have very vague memories of his older children and none of them pleasant. My father's parents and siblings all sided with his ex wife and the children once my parents died and decided foster care was the only place for us since we had nobody on our maternal side (my mother was a foster kid herself). I saw my grandparents and aunts and uncles at my sister's funeral but she was buried by the state since none of them claimed her body and I was just a child myself so I couldn't.

I had no desire to welcome them into my life or to "forgive" and form a relationship.

My MIL started making comments that I should give them a chance or I will regret it. She said how am I ever supposed to know "my siblings" if I don't make the effort. My husband told her to stop. I even told her "my siblings" weren't part of the group who reached out and from the limited info I heard they have no interest in establishing anything with me and it sounds like they feel like I should have died with my sister. MIL said it didn't mean I shouldn't try and then she wanted to know their names so she could talk to them. After her not letting up despite my husband telling her multiple times. We decided to take that break from her. Then a little over a week ago she showed up and told me she found them on FB and was waiting for them to accept a message so she could talk to them and "fix things for me". I lost my temper and told her to stay out of things that don't fucking concern her. She told me not to curse and she was trying to help. My husband was furious with his mom when he got home. They argued and then his brother got involved and basically said I should have just shut the door in her face and let my husband deal with her.

So now I'm wondering if he's right and I was wrong to engage and say what I did. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/UsedPrior7586 on 2024-01-08 15:47:21+00:00.

My husband and I (m35, f31) had our baby 7 months ago and now I have to go back to work soon and on the days both my husband and I have the I evening shift or same weekend shift my husband’s brother and his wife (m40, f 42) offered to babysit. They are childfree and work 9-5 and no weekends. Yesterday I was visiting and she showed me how she prepared their apartment with safety things and she also had purchased a baby chair. A thousand dollar baby high chair. I was appalled because the one I have is a 30 dollar one.

I told her that she was the ah for having a more expensive chair for MY child at her place when I have a 30 dollar chair. She just shrugged and said that she was thinking about the rest of her interior and wanted a beautiful piece because it will be in the kitchen for a long period of time. I was furious and left but my husband wants me to apologize for being rude? How am I the rude one here when she obviously overtopped us with our OWN child?

(Throwaway and please do not share because she is active on social media but I don’t think she knows Reddit)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Long-Yesterday1497 on 2024-01-08 12:02:41+00:00.

Using fake names for obvious reasons.

I (35F) have been married to my wife (Amy - 33F) for the past 10 years. I have no siblings. Amy has a brother (Max - 40M) who has three kids, two sons (Leo 6 and Ryan 5) and a daughter (Anne 8). We have two kids (Sarah 7 and Ava 5).

Now I love all of Max's children. And they get along really well with our kids. They constantly have sleepovers and play together, etc. Leo and Ryan are walking earthquakes. They're pretty active kids who enjoy physical activities much more than anything else. Anne is more laid back, and we have a special bond.

For example, my wife and I have a thing where we play chess or do crafts with our girls. Anne usually joins and asks us to sit with her. She also likes my profession (I'm an ENT doctor) and asks me all kinds of questions. (She loves the idea of being able to see inside one's nose and ear).

For Christmas, we got all of Max's kids a special gift. They came over for dinner one day during the holidays. Now I'd already gotten Anne her very own chess set around a month ago, and hadn't been able to give it to her because I kept forgetting it and it was in my office for a good while.

However, I thought I'd just give her the gift while she was with us. Amy also agreed and said it would be a good idea and she could play chess with her friends etc. Max seemed to hate the idea. When the kids were gone he told me I was being sexist for clearly favoring his daughter, and said I needed to treat his kids equally.

I said I just wanted to give a special gift, Amy took my side and said Max was being very petty about something as innocent as this. He is still upset with me. I wanted to apologise but Amy said I don't need to because I didn't do anything wrong. Was it an AH move to give her the chess set then?

Edit: I got Leo all kinds of baseball stuff like bat, jersey, ball, etc. I got Ryan a bike. I knew they specifically like those activities. The original gift for Anne was a barbie dollhouse since she loved the movie, and I gave her this chess set later as something I bought a month ago

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Quiet-Gur-1448 on 2024-01-08 14:05:53+00:00.

My niece Annabelle (15) went to live with her grandparents a few weeks ago. This was a long time coming. Annabelle has been miserable at home for years and has talked to her mom countless times and had me, my mom and my brother talk to her mom on her behalf before. Nothing changed until Annabelle was finally done.

This all started when Annabelle was 4. My sister Natasha (47) met her husband and they moved in together with his then 5 year old daughter, Jasmine. Annabelle instantly adored Jasmine which I know my sister hyped her up for them being sisters and stuff. But Jasmine from day one was very negative toward Annabelle. She would scream at Annabelle and call her names. It was normal kid acting out stuff that wasn't corrected from what we witnessed. Then over the years it just kept getting worse and it stayed a very negative relationship even after Annabelle stopped trying to be sisters or even friends with Jasmine.

Jasmine was with her dad way more than her mom. Her mom, like Annabelle's dad, was a bit of a deadbeat though at least she knew her mom where Annabelle has never met her dad. Whenever we would see them Jasmine would have no problem playing with other kids, even other kids in our family, but she would tell Annabelle she couldn't play or she would blame Annabelle for making her stop playing with others. My brother's kids would come and tell us what was going on and neither Natasha or her husband would say or do anything. My mom went over a few times to say it wasn't nice to exclude kids and Jasmine would say she hated Annabelle and wanted her to go away.

This all bled into school where Annabelle was bullied by Jasmine and some of her friends. Still nothing was done. Natasha dismissed everyone who mentioned it to her. She would even ask Annabelle if she really wanted her to be unhappy and single again or why couldn't she accept that some sisters won't always like you. She would ignore when Annabelle told her that Jasmine never liked her. We did our best to be supportive of Annabelle and we even tried to figure out if we could help things with her and Jasmine.

It came as no surprise to me when Annabelle told us her grandparents were fighting for custody. When they won it was surprising because I almost expected it to go in Natasha's favor since she's her mom. But the judge decided Annabelle was old enough to have a say and took everything into account. Natasha was furious with the decision and has been crying and raging ever since. Nobody has comforted her and we've pulled back now that we no longer need to go through her to see Annabelle. This might be why she showed up at my house the other night and wanted to talk and when I didn't let her in, she asked me why we're not there for her. I told her that I don't feel sorry for her at all and I said it was her fault this happened.

Natasha called me a bitch and stormed away from my house. She sent me a text yesterday saying I should still be there for her. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Strong-Vermicelli-89 on 2024-01-08 10:20:11+00:00.

For Christmas, I bought a PS5 for my son(17) since he has been asking for one for months.

My daughter(14) is always jealous of her brother. She is very greedy and always wants what her brother has, in this case, she wants the PS5.

She insists we let her use it but I told her no, it's your brother's and he doesn't want to share so he shouldn't have to.

She started nagging saying it's unfair and we should buy a PS5 for her then but we can't afford 2 PS5s so now she won't talk to anyone and thinks we are assholes

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Free_Ad_9185 on 2024-01-08 13:57:29+00:00.

I (29F) am expecting my first in spring this year. My family, including my mother in law (53F) are throwing my a baby shower with all my friends and close family. As she is part of the party planning committee my MIL knew the theme before hand and bought an over the top dress (basically a gown) for herself to wear to the baby shower before I did. I recently showed her the dress I had purchased and it's basically a shorter and less fancy version of her dress. I told her that for a house her dress might be a little too much and that my mom, and other guests were wearing something more simple. She keeps responding with "it's not the fancy" and then indirectly told her that her dress is too much because it's fancier than mine. She keeps dismissing my feelings so I straight up said that baby showers are for moms not grandmas. Am I the AH and am I overreacting over a dress? My family is split between her side and my side.

Side note: my MIL is a lovely person and we normally get along but she definitely has first person energy and loves going over the top for everything, including gifts that she gives me and my husband. I know she's not doing this to be manipulative or mean but I can't help but be bothered that she will be upstaging me for my own Baby Shower.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LizBeefo on 2024-01-08 09:45:47+00:00.

2 years ago my mum died from cancer.She was very young, in her late 50s. My parents were married and happy, of course it was so hard for all us. In under a year he met a new woman and then months later announce they’re engaged. It’s a short engagement, about 8-9 months from getting engaged till the actual wedding. I do understand a lot of people (seemingly more widowed men from stories l've others have told me) find someone very quickly and often be remarried before a year even, so l'm trying not to be naive here. For my siblings and l it has been a little strange as for us as we are still processing the death of our mother but also the new fiance is only a few years older than me and my sister who are the eldest. we've tried our best to make an effort to be happy for him and be welcoming to her, all while processing our grief. My issue is that he so wrapped up with his new fiancé that he’s forgotten we are still grieving. To the point that on the 2 year anniversary of our mums death 3 of us got their wedding invite in the post while the others the day after. It hurt all of us that they didn’t think about this date in the days/week leading up to it, but I decided to leave it as I didn't want to taint their joy. He sent a message to my grandma (my mums mum) out of the blue after no contact since the funeral (I was with my grandma at the time) asking for their address so he could send them an invite the day after the anniversary, hence we were with my grandparents to support each other. Not asking how they were at this time/how they were coping with loss of their daughter/whether they’d be ok with an invite... just stating they were being invited and he needed their address. My dear grandma said she’d like to attend for our sake, though my grandad refused point blank and was too upset to talk further. A month later me and my sisters were added to the hen do WhatsApp group with all new fiancés friends all now chatting excitedly and planning the hen. For us that was another pang of heartache, as we are only in this position coz our mum (pretty recently) died. Here's where l'm wondering if AlTA... I sent my dad a message to say I'm happy for him but feel theyve not though about our grief and would've liked to be asked first before being added to a hen group. But most importantly remember certain dates, i.e. the anniversary, and not send wedding invites in the days/week before this time. He replied saying "sorry l'm not being thoughtful enough.l'll make sure to check with you beforehand". Not it might've been insensitive to send his kids wedding invites just before the anniversary. I said I don’t want him to run everything by me, just remember we’re grieving. Then he blamed the post and said that it wasn't their fault it arrived on the day. Now I think he's avoiding me. So, AITA for putting a dampener on their wedding by highlighting our grief.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RadiantAd9575 on 2024-01-08 12:30:26+00:00.

Last night my sister and I went to a dinner party to catch up with friends. We went to the same school together, my friends were her friend's younger siblings. Before Covid-19 happened we hadn't seen each other for at least two years and covid happened so it's been five years since we all saw each other. A lot has changed, many of us have graduated and have full-time jobs, many have gone on to start a PhD and so on.

My sister works at a high school as an English teacher whereas I work at a university as a university research lecturer. My sister spends 80% of her working hours teaching, the other 20% of the time is spent marking and doing admin. During dinner, a friend of hers asked me what I was up to now; before I got the chance to answer, my sister butted in, saying she's got the same job as me; she teaches. At this point, I said no, we don't have the same job. I corrected the fact she works as a teacher at a secondary school. I work at a university, and I only spend ten hours a week teaching; the rest is spent researching my field of work, coming up with new project proposals, publishing and much more.

I do admit that I have an attitude problem but I don't know why. Most of the time anything I say comes out in a rude tone even though I don't mean to. I immediately apologised for giving a rude attitude as it genuinely wasn't meant to happen. However, I didn't apologise for correcting my sister. We had dinner and went home, I noticed my sister was in a mood whilst dropping her off back to her place.

This morning I woke up to a message from my sister, which was a paragraph calling me an asshole for looking down upon her job and being downright rude. I sent a message back saying "I knew my attitude came off rude, but I apologised for it straight away when I noticed. I said I don't look down upon you because you're a teacher. I won't apologise for correcting you and saying our jobs are different. You are a teacher, and most of your hours are spent teaching; the rest is spent marking and doing admin tasks. Mine is spent teaching, marking, doing admin, creating research proposals, helping in projects, publishing and much more."

She is still mad at me. Was I in the wrong?