Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jamie-A-98 on 2024-01-07 08:49:11+00:00.

I am a 24 year old female who recently had a falling-out with my male then-34 (now 35) roommate. I will not name my roommate out of the very little respect I still have for him, but in all honesty I wanted to kick him out even before this all happened; and, this was my final straw.

For some background, I had an ad up on Craigslist in 2020 looking for a roommate because at the time I was much lower on money. He ended up applying and we met and had our arrangements sorted so that we were housed together. I didn't really like his personality but I kept it relatively to myself because of my financial situation. He was messy, almost never cleaned up after himself, he was really rude and inappropriate (making odd flirtatious comments about me even after I rebuffed his advances, but he called it all a "joke") to put it simply.

All was normal until about 3 years after he moved in (Early-mid 2023) he suddenly stopped paying his part of the rent and had a different excuse every time, mostly things like "I'm looking for a job!" and such. I let it slide because I was a bit more financially stable (even though he was setting me back quite a bit). But then months had passed, and he had the same excuses and I grew tired of him. Like I said, I did plan on kicking him out regardless, but the next situation was the last straw.

At the time, I was seeing some guy for a while and had a date. I really, really liked him. I was stoked, and I mentioned it once to my roommate. This was a big mistake. Behind my back while I was in the shower, my roommate somehow got the passcode to my phone correctly and WENT THROUGH IT. I don't know if he saw the texts or was planning it anyway, but he completely sabotaged my relationship with the guy I was seeing and thought it was SO hilarious.

He apparently told the guy I was MTF transgender (I am not, but I am an ally) and the guy got uncomfortable and blocked me ever since. Not only did I find it absolutely disgusting that he used the LGBT as the butt of his joke, I was absolutely furious that he crossed my boundary this much because of his own jealousy. I blew up on him and kicked him out, and ever since then he has been gone, and I cut all contact.

That was 5 months ago. A couple days ago, he has shown up at my doorstep with an apology. I personally do not accept this apology because what he did was utterly inexcusable, in my opinion, but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless.

I do not plan on letting him back in with me, but I think I may be an asshole for letting him stay homeless.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AlwaysDinnerTime on 2024-01-07 00:18:19+00:00.

One of my best friends got engaged a year and a half ago. Now I'll be completely honest, I have never been a big fan of her boyfriend. He's very much a douchy ex frat bro. But she is the sweetest person ever. Ever since before their engagement, her boyfriend has been bugging me about using my car for their wedding. I have a fairly expensive and rare older car, that I completely restored myself.. The only problem, is that he can't drive manual.

As a favour to her, I agreed that they could use it for photos, the drive up, etc and to leave it parked in front of the wedding venue under one condition. If he wanted to be the one to drive her up in it, he needed to learn to drive manual, it's a somewhat difficult car to drive. I've been bugging him for almost a year, offering time to teach him. He constantly blew me off and said he was too busy. Well, guess who's wedding is in a few weeks? He basically told his fiancee that I had never offered to show him, which she knows is a lie, but I decided to bite my tongue and offer him a solution.

I basically gave him an ultimatum, stating either I could drive her if needed, or my girlfriend could drive her up to the wedding venue and reception, (We're both in the wedding party) but those were the only two real options he had at this point.

He flipped out and basically told me to screw myself, so I figured that was that. Last weekend I pulled some of the car apart to do some work on it and had it posted on instagram and I guess he saw it and lost it on his fiancee, because he realized the car won't be available now. He's demanding I rent them another car (haha no) or put everything back together (which, to be totally honest I probably could but I don't really want to, if I just have to take it apart again after the wedding.)

So reddit, AITA for refusing to let him use the car now?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Passing_Tumbleweed on 2024-01-07 10:44:28+00:00.

I've seen some other nipple-piercing related AITA threads and most of them go into slut-shaming, or relationship-ending ultimatums. I have no problems related to these.

I'm (29m) happy that she (29f) wants to do what she wants with her own body and won't be any less attracted to her, but I am uncomfortable with the idea of a man performing the piercing, I want a woman to do it.

There are apparently no female piercing studios near where we live, so she's had to delay booking an appointment until she finds one.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WiseEstimate2087 on 2024-01-07 09:17:51+00:00.

I was browing the net a few weeks ago and I read something about first borns having a higher IQ.

A few days ago I was talking to my sister and the topic of IQ came up. I told her about what I read and stated that I believe it's true because I have 3 kids and my first born is smarter than the rest of them.

My middle child who heard the conversation was furious. Now she is sulking and whenever I ask her to do something she says I can't do it mom I'm too dumb go ask your smart child. My husband thinks I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and shouldn't have said that in front of her

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Babyshowerthrowa6633 on 2024-01-07 07:32:06+00:00.

So my (25F) friend (24F) is 7 months pregnant. I've known her since we were kids and I know her likes and dislikes and she has very similar taste to me with regards to a lot of things, so when I found out she was pregnant I offered to plan her baby shower for her.

Now as much as I love my friend, I cannot stand her boyfriend (M26) and do everything I can to support her whilst avoiding him. I personally believe he's a toxic person and he definitely has some abusive traits that my friend can't see. I have encouraged her to leave him before, but she always shuts down my concerns and tells me I don't understand their relationship. So when she became pregnant, I was extremely happy for her since I knew how much she wanted to be a mother, but also worried about him being the man that impregnanted her. Still, I've tried to support her as much as I can so that she has someone to fall back on when her relationship ends.

Yesterday I was discussing all the details with her about what she wants so that I can work on hiring decor, organising catering, cakes etc in time for her shower. To my dismay, she told me that she actually wanted one big co-ed baby shower so that her partner and his friends could celebrate too, and she started listing things that he had seen online and liked. I told her I thought it was a bad idea to include him, and that something more traditional was probably better. She insisted that her boyfriend be involved, because it is his baby as much as hers.

I suggested two separate baby showers, one with her female family and friends that I would plan, and then a separate co-ed one with her partner and his friends/their partners. She told me she would be too tired for two baby showers, and that since I offered to plan it for her I should be willing to accomodate her wants.

I reinforced again that I refused to plan anything that involved her boyfriend and that if she didn't like that then she can plan it herself or find someone else to help her plan it. She said that I shouldn't have offered to plan it if I was going to let my selfishness and own personal bias get in the way of what she wants. But I'm only trying to protect her and ensure that this moment is something she can look back on in the future with joy, rather then having it ruined by her abusive boyfriend being there. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mysterious-Pop9535 on 2024-01-07 05:08:58+00:00.

A little background, my husband and I are recently married. He is from a foreign country, having came here on a fiancé visa. Currently, I am the only one that can work until he is approved for a work permit. I mainly do food delivery apps for money. I prefer to only do deliveries during daylight hours for safety reasons. However, lately, the payout for the apps have been really bad. My husband agreed to ride with me at night so that I could deliver at dinner time to help make up the difference.

We just got back home and he’s not taking to me. Deliveries today and tonight were terrible. I made half of what I should have for a Saturday. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure financially. Immigration is expensive. I even took my coin jar to the coin machine today so that my husband could have some cash to buy some cigarettes.

I will admit that I wasn’t in the best of moods today. But I do try to keep it under wrap and not let it spill out onto the people around me.

So this is what happened. I just finished dropping off some food to a customer and was headed back to the spot I wait at for delivery offers. On the way there, my husband said he needed to use the restroom. I knew there was a smoothie place near by that I had a gift card for. I suggest it and said I needed to use the restroom too and was hungry anyways. He agreed. I parked, and put the delivery app on pause.

I said, this place probably needs a code for the bathroom door so we have to ask for it. He then saids never mind. (He’s familiar with having to use codes because we have been to other restaurants that do it too.) I basically just reply, “What?” And he says nothing. I reaffirm that I need to use the restroom too and I’ll ask for it. His response was that he will go to the mall. (Sometimes I take him there since it is by the area I wait. But it takes a long time to go in and out.) I’m pretty annoyed at this point and let out a loud sigh. It’s a bad habit I have. He questions why the sigh and I say that we are here now, going to the mall is a waste of time and I don’t understand why he is being so difficult. But I dropped it and started the app again and headed there.

While he is in the mall, I get a good delivery offer and start messaging him to please hurry up. After a few mins, I start calling him. He doesn’t answer. Finally I see him and flash my light at him where I’m parked. (I had dropped him in front.)

During the next and last delivery for the night, he has his earbuds in and won’t respond to me when I tap his leg. When we got home, he heads to the bathroom before I can (I still haven’t gone myself) and he turns on the water, ignoring me asking if he was jumping in the shower.

So, am I the asshole here? For whatever reason, he wasn’t comfortable using a code at the smoothie place and I was very audibly annoyed with him.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Astatictv on 2024-01-06 18:20:59+00:00.

I a 35f have a daughter 16f. About a year back she brought her friend over because her mom kicked her out lets call her Zara. Now she hasn't really done anything wrong this past year until now. I find having a hard time punishing her or holder her accountable because she is not my actual daughter and I don't want to make thinks weird.

My phone charger went missing, and it keeps randomly appearing then moving. I've asked everyone where it is and no one knows so after two weeks of not being able to charge my phone consistently I went into my daughters room. Zara and my daughter share a room, and while searching I found alcohol. I don't know what to do? I know it's A's, because I found it on her side.

Zara takes school online and doesn't really have friends, she's already house kept. So I don't know about anyway of punishing her. I've heard from my daughter that Zara has found other accommodations but still chose to stay with us. I don't really want to kick her out. Maybe if I say if it happens again I will?

If this was my child this would be competently different. So if making threats would be bad what should I do so this completely stops? I don't want to got to extreme measures and my son says he listens to a lot of reddit so maybe you can help.

Edit: I just weed pen in her room as well, I’m from the USA aswell

Edit2: Hello All thank you for your input. I talked to her and I’m giving her three months to make better choices and if not I’ll decide later if she has to move out. I’m going to talk to my daughter as well. For now it’s settled.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/womans_rights on 2024-01-07 02:10:08+00:00.

I (41F) and my husband (43M) have only been married for year but we dated for 5 years before.The reason for us dating for so long is I have been singe for a long time going on dates or dating someone for a short amount of time because I was a teen mom I got pregant at 16 by my boy freind at the time but ended up raising my dauhter alone. But my now husband got a mutal divorce but has two kids (16F) and (8F) They have diffrent mothers but treat eachother the same,He has a better realation ship with the youngest's mother.Now on to the AITA we were eating dinner together which we do pretty much every day we were all talking and the youngest said "'im dads favourite out of nowhere we wernt saying anything she just blurted it out but her and her sister had been fighting about a stupid thing but they were very angry.The oldest just rolled her eyes and said "Well at least I'm Dani's(me) favrouite" their father said "woah nethier of us have favroites I looked at him and nodded they scuried up to their bedrooms.Fast foward to later that night we were getting ready for bed when I was washing my face my husband said "its funny that they thought we have favrouites" and when I was getting the bed I said "I mean" he stopped doing what he was doing and stared at me and said "you have a favrouite step child" I said "I mean no but me and the oldest connect more" (which was true but thats cause the little one was a daddys girl but I dont not like her their both very nice and sweet girls). he then scoffed and turend away and we went to bed he hasnt talked to me or has been very short with me. the oldest has picked up on our fight but the youngest hasnt.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway_jpegmaf on 2024-01-07 01:59:25+00:00.

I (m18) have always been super close to my older brother, Noel (m26). He's practically raised me, protected me from everything he could. He still tries to sort out my problems for me. When he moved out of our house when he got engaged to his girlfriend, I felt abandoned, I literally just sulked in my room. I refused to go to their wedding as his best man, because weirdly, it felt like a betrayal, as if your dad had just left you.

His wife, Sian, doesn't like me coming round to see my brother. She acts as if I am beneath her, she's referred to me as a 'little rat' before, she's controlling over Noel too, he never goes out anymore or has any fun - just spends time with her and her family on the weekends. just totally made my brother an old man even though he's in his twenties.

Noel said I'm welcome at their place at any time I want. I had an awful experience at the bar with my boyfriend recently, in short, we both got drunk and got into an argument which triggered my panic disorder. I felt like the only place I could go to was to Noel's place, he's always been good at calming me down when I get in a state. I got an uber to his place, Noel let me in but his wife just told him to call our mother to come get me instead.

I insisted on staying there and not disturbing mum, Noel let me have a shower, gave me his sweatpants and tshirt to sleep in. He put me in the guest bedroom and watched a film with me before I finally passed out.

In the morning, Sian was mad at me, and Noel wasn't very pleasant to me either, he didn't even offer me breakfast, just ordered me an uber back home. Sian went at me for disturbing her in the night and treating her house and Noel as a hotel and a therapist, she said I shouldn't come barging in whenever I felt like it. When I got home, Noel messaged me to say that he is not my father, even though I act as if he was. I feel as though they're both being mean to me for no actual reason, but also I do feel a bit like I was invasive and causing them problems, especially since Sian was probably the one doing the laundry in the morning, plus I did disturb their sleep.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/StrongTriangle on 2024-01-06 17:13:13+00:00.

My son (11) and I have participated in a sport together for about a year. I don’t think he loves the sport necessarily but he likes the coaches and one in particular because they share a love of anime. I think my son likes having a male influence since his dad left us abruptly and traumatically about a month ago. But when we go to the class, he doesn’t seem that motivated and he isn’t really seeing results. It’s like before the class and after, he enjoys sharing all his anime thoughts but the 45 minutes of class, he’s frustrated and kind of pissed. AITA for pulling us out?

EDIT: I have talked him numerous times and he doesn’t want to quit because he likes the coach. But for the entire class, he’s almost in tears with frustration. If he enjoyed the class, no matter the results, I would never have asked the community. I just don’t know what’s worse: leaving the coach or leaving the frustration.

The sport is boxing. It’s good for both of us. We’re both traumatized and suffering. It breaks my heart to see him like this during the class but he’s like this with everything that’s frustrating even before his dad left. He been going to a counselor for a year and has seen a dr over his frustration management. I just worry that the frustration with his dad and boxing might be affecting his mental health.

I also want to thank everyone who has posted support for me as a newly single mother. The whole family, me and my two boys are just trying to do the best we can. Some of the posters have made it to be that I’m a heartless mother for taking him out of something that is a sport. My concern is that he was being overwhelmed, and his life is plenty overwhelming as it is. I have done nothing but support that little boy his whole life. He’s passionate about gardening so he has 10 planters, he plays trumpet, and fixes old computers that I’ve had donated from our neighborhood. He bbqs a mean set of baby back ribs and so I got him a charcoal bbq for Christmas and he loves it. He’s been able to try anything he wants and has been going to a counselor for about a year. His mental health is the utmost importance to me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/eqiwi on 2024-01-07 01:42:56+00:00.

For context, my sister and my parents were originally planning to buy a house and live together this summer as recent as a month and a half ago. My parents still were considering renting a house with them until i accidentally spilled the beans.

My sister told me she had 10k in credit card debt 2 months ago asked me not to tell our parents. I knew she'd tell them eventually so i wasnt worried about it.

But over the holidays they still talking big plans and i was surprised she didnt tell them. So right after we left i sent her what was supposed to be a quick encouraging text--"to consider telling mom and dad about her financial situation before they live together."

However this really upset my sister and she said some hurtful things to me, before admitting she told them about the debt and that they know everything.

I was surprised she didn't just tell me that instead of being mean first but whatever. Anyways, I wanted to know how stressed and concerned my parents were about it and so i went to ask how they were feeling. But when i said "debt," they both looked confused and my mom only said she kinda remembered my sister mentioning it.

I admitted the truth of the situation because i felt like they deserved to know since they were planning on making some big financial decisions together. My parents were shocked and very upset with my sister.

Now my sister is extremely mad at me. She doesn't trust me anymore, says i shouldnt talk about people behind their back, and that none of this is my business. She says I'm making her seem like a leech and im making her look like a bad person.

It was never my intention to hurt her feelings but i really feel like she lied to me about telling our parents. She refuses to admit it and am acting like its all my fault and I'm a terrible person. On the otherhand, don't my parents deserve to know?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Difficult_Help8240 on 2024-01-07 01:27:41+00:00.

My friend is planning a Bachlorette party to Mexico (out of the country) at all inclusive. Everyone else in the friend group is gung-ho on going and excited - but I feel like it’s insane to leave the country and go to an all inclusive for what is essentially a friends trip that I get no say on planning. My husband and I didn’t even do anything this nice for our honeymoon! I am clearly the odd one out in the group for not wanting to go. Am I insane for saying I can’t make the trip but would love to do a local out instead? Money and time off from work aren’t technically issues for me, it’s more of a moral qualm.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TruePerspective823 on 2024-01-06 15:20:32+00:00.

AITA for not wanting my MIL in the hospital when I give birth? I (31f) and my husband (32m) are expecting our 2nd baby girl in 10 days. Last night, his mother texted me telling me I am not allowed to name her granddaughter Mavka because she googled it and didn't like the name interpretations she found. I told her I was aware of the Ukrainian folklore, but that was the name my husband and I had agreed on after many many months of debate and searching for a name that fit all our criteria. She then proceeded to tell me I was being selfish, careless, thoughtless, etc and she refused to call her that or tell anyone that was her name. I told her she didn't have to like the name, but it was not her decision to make. I tell my husband his mother is arguing with me about the baby's name and he asks me if she told me why. I told him she had, but me and him had already discussed those meanings when I first stumbled across the name (children's movie on Hulu). Of course, he has no recollection of this 🙄 due to his reaction, I asked him if she had already spoken to him about this and he said yes! So I asked him why he thought it was appropriate for her to approach me about it instead of him and he claimed to not know she was going to say something to me. And he didn't say another word about it, so I don't really know where he stands on the name anymore but I know he's not going to argue with me about it this close to birth, especially since I've already ordered her personalized swaddles with that name on them. I continued texting with his mother, trying to assure her the name was fine, crying in frustration that he ignored, until she told me she'd lost all respect for me. At that point, I no longer want her around for the birth. My friend told me that was going too far, but honestly I feel like if you have no respect for me and aren't supportive, then you have no business being there. I haven't told my husband or his mother yet, but I'm sure it'll be a fight. I'll have them both removed from the room if I have to, but of course I don't want to have this kind of drama during a time that is supposed to be joyous. Thoughts??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/StarrDevill on 2024-01-07 01:03:33+00:00.

Some context: my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We always had this problem where we’d make plans, and his friends would randomly invite him to do something, so he would cancel our plans to hang out with them. I’m a big planner. I like my days to be mostly planned the day before because I struggle with severe adhd and routine helps me.

Today, I was asked to babysit my little cousins, and so I agreed. I asked my boyfriend to come with me because he gets along great with my cousins and if overall makes it easier plus we have been working a lot and haven’t seen each other much and so he agreed. Then about 30 minutes later, an hour before we are supposed to go, he calls me saying his friends decided to go camping and he’s going to go with them instead, and that since he’s not getting paid for it, nor did my aunt ask him to do it directly, he doesn’t see why he should go. This has been an issue for quite sometime in our relationship, so I got pissed and told him I’m not talking to him for the rest of the night and that I feel like this is disrespectful to do so often. I told him I don’t care if he hangs out with his friends if they ask the day before, because we are moving in together soon and I’ll be in charge of dinner and we will have chores so if he randomly decides to go out, then I’ll never know what’s going on, and that causes me so much anxiety. He knows how I am, and always promises to help me, but he then does shit like this. I’m tired of it. So Reddit, am I the asshole for not letting my boyfriend hang out with his friends?

Edit: He says I never let him hang out with his friends, which is what makes me speculate that maybe I’m the asshole for this

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Clear_Touch9897 on 2024-01-07 00:42:56+00:00.

So my ex has informed she will leave to Colorado with her aunt for 2 weeks to 1 month on “vacation” due to our recent break up saying she needs a break from parenting and me. leaving me and her parents with our 1yr old daughter who is currently sick. I did get mad and told her why would she go and when confronted by her aunt I said I was okay with her going but and didn’t understand why she had to leave now. And told her I’d have to keep my daughter the month and she refuses because her parents have a right to see our daughter too I think if it was so important she wouldn’t be taking this vacation due to our break up. : I start working next week and she left my daughter with me rn and informed me her flight is leaving in an hour and to send her pics. Edit: I worked my own personal issues and put my emotions aside.of-course I will alternate with my ex in-laws I should not be mean and refuse to let them see there granddaughter. 19f18M

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Creative-Craft2527 on 2024-01-06 13:07:45+00:00.

Last year, I married a man who had housed his sister and her teenaged sons for years. The sister was initially a teenaged mom whose parents housed and boarded her and her sons until the kids were 12. When those parents retired, they could no longer afford to feed and house their daughter and her kids, so my then-single husband took them in, thinking that once the boys turned 18 and left home, their mother would move out, too. However, only one boy left home and went to work. The other boy and his mother remained. The mother was employed, but she didn’t help by paying rent or helping with house expenses. When she lost her job in 2011, she refused to look for work. At the same time, my husband became unemployed. He supported the sister, her unemployed adult son, and himself with credit cards and withdrawals from his 401k. Eventually, my husband found a new job, and he continued to support them, and they continued to enjoy his generosity without assuming any of the financial burdens of their living expenses. When I married my husband, his relatives still resided in his home, and by this time they had been there about 24 years. His sister didn’t want him to get married, and she demanded that he keep secret from me how much money he gave her and her son. I object to the secret- keeping and consider that as interference in our marriage. Recently, my husband has developed medical problems that have forced his retirement. I fear that we can no longer afford to financially support these two and keep his former home (he moved into my house.) They cannot move into our home because they can’t get along with anyone. AITA for insisting that my husband cuts off his support of his sister and her adult son, considering that our income is now greatly reduced? After all, his father cut off their support when he retired for the same reason. Shouldn’t my husband be able to do the same?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Elizabeth-09-21 on 2024-01-06 18:51:58+00:00.

Bestfriend of 15+ gets engaged. So I have been On and off bestfriends we grew up together we are also cousins and use to be alot closer when we were teenagers. But our hole relationship the last 5 years has been very estranged because I have realized a patern of behavior and how anytime she got a new bf she would constantly treat our friendship like a option.the last 5-6 years shes went threw addiction she lied, manipulated people,used and abused partners family and friends while activitly in addiction and also when she wasnt using, shes cheated on most if not all the partners and often made up storys and lies about past partners to fit her narrative, She never ever has taken any accountability for her actions or behavior and always find some other person to blame for her behavior. She can be a very manipulative person and her family enablers her by giving her whatever she wants. She also uses her bubbly personality as a tactic to gain peoples trust and mistreat them. her immediate family are incredible people who do nothing but give and are supportive are good people they always seem to just accept her behavior. Me on the other hand I was raised in a very poor and appreciate what u have kinda of family. She takes advantage of them and she takes full advantge of there kindness. All of this has really took a tole on our friendship Recently she got out a marriage after finding out her husband of 3 years was cheating on her. I totally support her leaving her husband as he was a very toxic man who was very emotionally and mentally abusing towards her. If I'm being totally honest I never liked her ex husband as I felt he was very controlling but she stayed with him for years in hopes of "keeping the family together". We talked and it sounded like she was on the right track and was going to focus on herself in a healthy way finally after 10 +years of her Sieral dating. I thought I was going to get my bestfriend back. that's not what ending up happening the following day after she broke up with her husband. She ran into a old bf (who dated for maybe a few months when she was in active addiction ) this guy And he also cheated on her. And here's the kicker this guy who cheated on her before she met her husband was on tinder. He sent me a "Hey Cutie" Immediately i recognized him from pictures she showed me and showed her the message. She was upset broke up with him. Now this guy she met shortly before she met her husband. Came back into her life about 3 weeks ago. And they're now engaged! I confronted her about it. asked why she would ever go back to someone who cheated on her in the past she said "I don't care about the past"! she said I don't care "he's changed". And I told her that was really sad that she didn't care about being disrespected like that. And that felt like she was self sabatoging and she said I was the issue.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/user32647281 on 2024-01-06 15:20:10+00:00.

I (F17) have a younger sister (10) who is one of my best friends. We have always been close despite out age gap and we always talked girl stuff and been close (we are the only 2 children of my parents). Recently I have noticed my sister displaying symptoms of autism that my parents maybe haven't picked up on. She has severe noise sensitivity and when there are loud noises she often covers her ears and in some cases cries. Another thing is she is extremely picky about the way clothes fit and is they have ruffles or are too tight she won't were them because she doesn't like the feeling, she is also sensitive to certain textures such as polystyrene as well as her not understanding when me or my dad make a sarcastic joke she takes it seriously and doesn't understand sarcasm. My best friend (M17) also had autism which is diagnosed not highly affecting but he also has these symptoms. I did some research and all these are symptoms of mild autism. I brought this up with my sister asking her what she thought and she wasn't sure, the subject slipped out in conversation with my dad and now my parents are mad telling me that it's not my business and I should not have told her this as she is now confused and upset (maybe she was a bit confused but she didn't seem upset). My parents are mad at me and think I am in the wrong so AITA?

Edit: I understand that both of us are young and it's a concern i should have brought up with my parents possibly before talking to her and i probably did confuse her but she has been exposed to autism from a young age with family and friends having it and has a good grasp of what it is as well do I, my best friend is autistic so I know symptoms of it and how to differentiate between autism and just being a normal child, I am not saying that because my best friend has autism that it makes me qualified to diagnose people I just know a bit about it and I did research before hand to find out more

Edit: I know that there are different levels of autism as it's a spectrum, I think if she was to have autism it would not be high affecting autism. She displays symptoms that would put her on the spectrum but not where some people are to the point where they are non verbal.

I honestly am thankful for everyone's opinions and I think many people made valid points that I can understand and from a third party point of view I see how I was the a-hole. Thank you for everyone who gave their opinions good or bad x

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LoudMilk1404 on 2024-01-06 13:19:16+00:00.

My partner and I don't live together, but spend most weekends together.

They run in the mornings, and in winter they always come back messy. Fine. So I always wait until they've been in the shower, got dressed etc. Before I do the same, but whilst getting dried I always clean the bathroom then get dressed.

Without fail, every weekend after cleaning bathroom 'Oh I need to go Brush my teeth' - fucking WHY?! IT'S HALF 1 IN THE AFTERNOON MOST PEOPLE DO IT FIRST THING, OR AFTER A SHOWER.

By this point they're dressed, had breakfast, and had their 3rd brew. Why on earth are we brushing now?!

I know it's only Brushing of the teeth but you would not believe the mess in the sink after, it's like a child has been in there. It's why I started clean the bathroom after they've been in but it's still not working.

I feel like I say this most weekends just fucking do it before you get out the shower and stop making me clean twice. Fs. Perhaps I'm the ass-hole here and I'm willing to accept that, but it does drive me potty.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SettleThisArgument69 on 2024-01-06 12:19:14+00:00.

I got furious at my boyfriend because I was brushing my teeth and he went inside the bathroom. I told him to get out and he came back inside because he had something to say. A little later I started thinking if I was an asshole for doing that because I usually go inside the bathroom when he's inside. I just assumed that he doesn't care that I do because he didn't get mad when I did. He told me I was a hypocrite but I think my reaction was normal because we're different people with different personalities. I value my bathroom privacy highly and I don't think he cares that much about his bathroom privacy.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Thischick00 on 2024-01-06 12:06:52+00:00.

I had a friend I was very close with, we were like sisters but we aren’t close anymore and I want to know if it’s something I’ve done or they’ve done, I know I’m not speaking on their behalf so I apologize, but here’s my side.

We were friends since primary school, really close and all that, when highschool ended we drifted and went our separate, and while we never talked to went out we were in the loop of each others lives, until she only told me she was getting married after it failed, at this point I told myself I want to try harder, I told myself that it’s my fault the friendship drifted and wanted to try harder to make it work, but it was one sided mostly, the main events that stand out to me that ‘hurt’ or felt off were :

My wedding, I asked her to help me with my makeup, and on the day what I wanted wasn’t on my face it was in her bag My loss, we lost a son, and when I speak about it she changes the subject, she ignores me or makes my feelings feel Invalid with things she’ll say or things she’s said to others like it being my fault, and that her nephew has the same name and she didn’t even has the decency to tell me until I was in her house (I know I don’t own the name but it hurt to hear it after just loosing him)(I named him months before the other baby was born) My gender reveal, I asked her to buy the appropriate colour smoke bomb(I paid for it) and on the day everyone already knew the gender because the packaging said blue and everyone could see it Pregnancy and postpartum, I’ve visited her, taken public transport, with my child and while pregnant, I’ve tried to be consistent and be present and available, but I understand now it wasn’t the way to go about it. Friendships, I feel like she makes time and makes herself available for everyone but me and will even make plans and then not show up, while she’s the only friend I really have to talk to but she never responds and if she does it’s just general ‘I’ve been busy’

The most recent event was a fight or debate where she made me feel weak and low for struggling postpartum telling me that her other friends have worse issues but still they are doing better and trying harder.

I don’t know if I’m the asshole or just have low self esteem or if I’m just seeing everything wrong, I understand now that I seem needy, and I did a lot wrong, I feel like I neglected the friendship but at the same time I feel like she isn’t exactly making the most effort either, I know I’m a bad friend in the sense I don’t reply or I just go ghost for awhile because I don’t feel like speaking to anyone, but am I the asshole for being a bad friend or is she the asshole ?

I don’t know what else to write, I’m very in my head about everything and I don’t know even who I am or where I stand with myself, I’m writing this to reflect on myself and better myself and my understanding, feel free to ask any questions

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ilovesaltonmytongue on 2024-01-07 08:01:11+00:00.

My husband and I were on a recent road trip with our 2 kids under 2. We drove through a winter storm during the first few hours of our drive on the second day. The storm created icy road conditions, periods of poor visibility, and eventually an accident that led to us sitting in stop and go traffic for quite some time. My husband has done a lot of driving in his life, but does make me nervous because he’s a distracted driver and uses his phone while driving. This means sometimes I see things up ahead before he does and he hits the brakes harder or more suddenly than if he hadn’t been distracted.

While we were sitting in traffic, both kids started crying. This is typical for sitting in traffic - they’re happier in the car while we’re moving. It was also about the time that our 4-month old should be starting to get hungry. I started trying to distract/entertain the kids to keep them happy. My husband mentioned a couple times that I should just take our youngest out of her car seat and feed her. We were only going a few miles/hour in stop and go traffic, on an icy road, surrounded by semi trucks. There was an exit coming up that would take about 10 minutes to get to, and I decided I’d wait until we could get off the freeway and pull over. By the time we got to the exit, traffic had started to pick up again, we were going 40mph, and our youngest wasn’t crying anymore, so my husband kept driving. A few minutes later we were in stop and go again and she was crying again. He ended up angrily pulling over and feeding her himself (at that point he wouldn’t let me, and I was worried if I was feeding her he’d keep driving again anyway).

He maintains that I was being “psycho” and “neglectful” for not wanting to get her out of her car seat when we were driving “as fast as I can walk” while she was clearly hungry. I feel that traffic can pick back up unexpectedly and we were in conditions that didn’t feel safe, even if we were going so slowly.

AITA for not getting my daughter out of her seat in stop and go traffic to feed her when she was clearly hungry?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/the_anonymouswriter on 2024-01-07 06:04:06+00:00.

my sister (26) is getting married to her high school sweetheart (also 26) in 2025. They are planning on a destination style wedding with around 50 guests to Florida. Sister is looking for a large beach house that can hold 14 of her closest family members for the week of their wedding. Among the houses she has found that are within walking distance to the beach and hold all of us will cost each person around $1,000. When going through the houses she was deciding on, she states that my boyfriend and I (both 25 years old) will have to share a room with either my grandmother or my two younger brothers (ages 16 and 6) because of the number of beds in the house. At first I was taken back by the price as both me and my boyfriend will have the pay the $1,000 plus sharing a room with someone else but after having a conversation with my sister and her fiancé, I felt like I had no other choice but to suck it up having to pay the costs as she expressed she would only be getting married once and our mother had already expressed it was a little pricey which annoyed her. (background info my boyfriend and I just bought a house a few months back) Now after speaking about costs with my boyfriend (as he was not there during the initial conversation) | am starting to worry about the cost of staying at the beach house. As I am the sister of the bride and maid of honor I will have additional cost such as nails, dress, spray tan, flights to florida, food for the week, bachelorette party, etc. I texted my sister saying that after thinking about all of these cost I am worried about the beach house and gave a suggestion that my boyfriend and I could rent an airbnb that we found 8minutes away from where they would be staying which would cost us $1,300 for the week to split ($650 each). This upset her greatly with my mom telling me she was crying that I didn't want to stay with them and my sister telling me that shes upset we went ahead and decided we would rather stay in a separate house than be together. She says everyone is making sacrifices and sharing rooms and she's been trying her best to keep everyone's best interest in mind when it comes to cost and space. She says that they will not be asking for the payment right away with a 50% deposit at the time of booking and then the rest 2 months prior to the vacation which can help with upfront costs. In all, I don't think she's understanding that her want of having us all under the same roof is not possible without being too costly and I don't see the issue with us getting our own place 8min from them to help cut costs. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of deciding to get a separate house with my boyfriend or "sucking it up" and spending the extra money for the beach house. So, AlTA for not wanting to stay at my sisters beach house for her wedding?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Impossible_Fix_3967 on 2024-01-07 05:40:12+00:00.

My husband got a speeding ticket for 52 over in a 65. Our child was in the back seat. He was facing 6 months in jail. It feels like he could careless that he did it. His consequences do not match what he did. I'm having a hard time forgiving him. I just feel bad about feeling this way. I care for him a lot. I just can't get over that could have killed our child.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/rebmaesiuol on 2024-01-07 03:51:11+00:00.

Approximately once or twice a week, after dinner and a bit of tv together my (f,29) husband (m,32) asks if I will go to bed so he can play FIFA in the lounge. I usually do and think it’s important he has a bit of time for himself (This is not his only time for himself). The problem lies in the fact that he stays up super late until 3/4am.

He has to be up at 5am for work and we have a baby and toddler so our sleep is often broken. My husband is always complaining about being tired and it affects him in the daytime.

To encourage him to sleep at a reasonable time I ask what time he will come to bed. He will always agree to a midnight/ 1am bedtime which is always at least an hour and a half of gaming. He always breaks this and is much later.

I know I am not his mother or in charge of him but it more than bothers me that he doesn’t keep his agreement. He’s making himself more tired and complaining about it. It’s irritating that his words mean nothing and to me he is consciously lying. This is not a one off accident, nor is he only a little bit late. It’s hours. He says he thought I’d be asleep so wouldn’t notice but him coming upstairs wakes me up.

The most hurtful thing is that I was married before and my first husband died in a car accident on his way home from a night shift. I was woken traumatically by police pounding on my door and my worst memory is looking to his side of the bed and him not being there.

When I wake in the night (baby/toddler ensure this) and look at the time realising my husband hasn’t come to bed I have the same panicked feeling. He knows this and it really upsets me that his game is more important than my feelings.

In my eyes he’s being irresponsible and selfish. He has time to unwind and enjoy gaming but he takes the piss with it. He should be able to stop and come to bed instead of acting like a teenager. He knows how I panic when I wake up and he’s not there when he should be, but does this regularly anyway. AITA for being so upset?