Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bluegarden63 on 2024-01-06 22:37:15+00:00.

I (39f) have three kids with my husband (46). Our two boys (13,12) and our girl (10).

Before we became parents my husband and I were ,one and done, meaning we only wanted one child. And we wanted a girl. And if our first child would have been a girl, she would very very likely be an only child. However, I am beyond thankful that we had to try 3 times. I love my boys and wouldn’t trade them in for anything in the world. But the truth is that we only tried 3 times because the first one and the second one weren’t girls.

Yesterday my boys were picking on their little sister. Normally they adore her but yesterday they would not stop making fun of her. They said something like we should put her up for adoption because she is the last one. They were obviously joking but it upset their sister to the point where she had tears in her eyes. I told them to knock it off again and again but they continued. In the end I said that they should be thankful that their sister is the youngest one because I only wanted a girl and they would not be there if I had my daughter first. They looked at me in horror. My oldest one asked me if this is really true and I said yes. I know it was harsh and hurtful but they were bullies. My younger son started to sob and the older called me a b*tch. Then they ran to their room.

When I told my husband what happened, he called me an absolute AH and nutjob for telling our sons the truth. When I begged him to help me to comfort them he told me to f*ck off and now he and my boys are not talking to me and the boys are ignoring their sister.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pleasant-County2612 on 2024-01-06 22:26:46+00:00.

UPDATE: my husband and I have been together since we were 19 and 20 years old. He is my best friend at the end of the day. I am resentful. I have a lot of my plate. I’m going to be looking into couples therapy. We’ve talked about it before, but never bit the bullet on it. Clearly our second baby is pushing us to our limits and we need help. Thinking back, those who said I shouldn’t have brought the kids are right, but I also wanted to spend time as a family doing something not stuck at home. I also don’t see my husband much during the week. He’s not a bad guy. He’s a pretty good guy and generally has a good heart. He’s funny and goofy. We share common interests. We’re both stressed and handling it differently.

I (31F) and my husband (30M) have 2 kids. I work from home and am in a demanding leadership position at a big company, I am also the primary breadwinner. My grandma helps me watch the kids while I work from home. My husband works in an office and recently accepted a hybrid position so this might change a bit. This is important because I am literally with the kids 24/7, I work from home so I literally never leave the house. My husband gets home late and leaves early. While he’s out he goes shopping during lunch, goes out to eat, gets to stop at the grocery store, gets to spend some time out of the house period.

Today, after we got back from an errand together, he goes, “okay! I’m going grocery shopping now! You good if I step out?”

I said no. I’ve been in the house all week, I had a rough week, I’d like to go out too. So we made it a family trip.

One of the main things we disagree on right now is letting our 5 month old cry. He doesn’t know how to soothe the baby and is fine with just letting him scream. I mentally cannot take it and just take him from him. He always cries getting in the car, usually stops about 10 minutes into the car RIDE. The car has to be moving. After the grocery store trip he was already getting fussy, we put him in the car and he starts screaming and our 5 year old said she’s hungry and thirsty. He immediately goes, “okay! Time for an alcohol run!” (The liquor store is in the same parking lot).

I said absolutely not. I’m not sitting in the car with my screaming tired baby while he goes to buy alcohol. He can come back later if it’s so important to him. He responds, “you should’ve never even come with me” and pouts the whole way home.

Once home we’re putting groceries away and he stops to just eat chips. I’m getting frustrated and snippy and I ask him if he thinks his mom would agree with him if I asked. He said he didn’t care. He said no one would put up with someone like me and that I’ve been miserable for the last two months (this coincides with me going back to work). So I said, gee I wonder why. And he responds “well I’m glad you agree you’re miserable and don’t deny it.”

I then start cleaning the house, baby on my hip, and he’s sitting on the couch on his phone while my daughter plays pokemon.

Was I supposed to just let him leave my baby crying in the car and my other kid hungry while he went to get alcohol because he decided he wanted a drink tonight? Was I really such an asshole and shitty wife for saying no and causing this whole blow up. I feel so resentful.

TLDR: my husband wanted to go to the liquor store and I said no because I didn’t want to sit in the car with my screaming baby and hungry child. This caused a blow up with him saying I should’ve never come and that I’m miserable and no one would put up with me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/yourfavoritebro17 on 2024-01-06 18:55:47+00:00.

So, I work remote for a healthcare company. My wife and I don't have any kids (just us) -- we're in our late 20s. I typically work 8am to 8pm. My wife doesn't have a job. She left law school 3 years ago and has been home. I've given her the space to figure out what she wants to do, and never pressured her or anything.

Well, a trend over the last 6 months or so is that she says she's doing everything and doesn't have any help, but I've been the sole breadwinner for the last 3+ years, and haven't brought up that fact once (even now, I've never responded that way). She says making dinner and cleaning around our apartment, and looking after our pet, is a ton of work and it really infuriates her that I don't do more. The thing is, I'm always tired because of all the hours. And I've told her so many times that she's not obligated to do anything she doesn't feel like. I didn't marry her to be a servant, I married her to be a companion through life.

But yeah, she's gotten very snippy about doing so much more than me. Honestly, she wakes up whenever she wants, does the dishes, puts food in our cat's bowl, takes a shower, then lives her life. Most nights, she makes dinner. I genuinely appreciate it, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker if she "did her" for a second. And I try to help out around the house but I know I don't do much there (take out garbage, help with laundry) so she's right about that. But she can buy whatever she wants, I never bring up price, and like I said, I'm not weird about her needing to do "domestic wife things". She recently said I can help by waking up earlier to do the dishes (before my 8am, 12 hour shift). I mean well, but that doesn't seem practical.

I'm just getting burned out with the crying, screaming, throwing tantrums about how she's doing way more than me; I'm lazy and she's losing patience. From my perspective, I appreciate that we're both doing helpful things, and try not to compare.

So, is she justified about doing much more work that me, or is she being the asshole here? Or am I missing something, and I'm the asshole? Maybe the point is more nuanced than that. I'm open to your feedback, even if it sucks to hear

Please help, I need the unspoken tension in our apartment to be resolved. Thanks everyone

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dazzling-Builder692 on 2024-01-06 17:01:11+00:00.

I am getting married and my bachelorette party has started being planned. My best friend Katie is planning the bachelorette party. I had not officially asked her yet to be my maid of honor but it was assumed. We’ve been friends since Kindergarten and talked about this our whole lives. Prior to meeting my fiance we had quite a party lifestyle and Katie always joked around about this being the last hoorah.

We were going over the guest list to the bachelorette and I explained I wanted my mother in law and my fiancés brothers wives to attend. So an additional 3 people. I let her know I had told them they were invited.

Katie said she didn’t want them there because the activities wouldn’t be appropriate. So I said that’s okay and we can find something else to do and that if anyone paid any deposits or any cancellation fees I’d give her the money spent back.

After some arguing Katie said I’m taking all her work for granted and that she was done. I wasn’t sure if she said that out of anger (that would be typical for her) or not so I called one of my future sister in laws, Jess, and just needed to vent. Jess said she’d come over and we’d figure it out. Jess called my other future sister in law, Ashley, and they came over with my mother in law and we planned a whole new bachelorette party in a couple hours. (I’m actually really excited for it.)

They really saved the day. I had a conversation with my fiance and asked if he’d think it was weird if I asked them both to be my maid of honors instead. They were both already going to be bridesmaids and their husbands are my fiancés best men. My fiance said he thinks they’d really love that and it would help us bond more. So the next day I officially asked them both at family dinner in front of my in laws, fiance, his brothers, and some extended family. We all cried and none of us have sisters so we all joked about how we finally had them.

My future sister in laws posted pictures to social media and captioned it “All the (insert last name) girls. We can’t wait to spend this special day with our newest sister.”

Katie saw this and flipped out on me about how I’m just replacing her and how I don’t even care about her feelings. She said I’m throwing away our friendship over girls who haven’t been there for me my whole life. And how could I just replace her role on the most important day of my life within 24 hours. Katie even commented on the post saying “the betrayal”.

Katie is making me feel like such an AH. My fiance thinks Katie is overreacting and for me not to worry about it. I just want someone’s opinion who unbiased. AITA?

Update:

I had a conversation with my husband and we’ve read most of the comments. He agrees that under no circumstances would we tell my sister in laws that they wouldn’t be the maid of honors anymore. They’ve been nothing but wonderful, supportive, and helpful. And we also took into the consideration that maybe Katie and I are just drifting apart and growing differently.

I did call Katie and tell her that I love her, appreciate her, and want nothing but the best for her always but that I am going to keep my sister in laws as my maid of honor and that I want her to be my bridesmaid more than anything but I understand if she doesn’t want to be.

Katie said she still wants to be a bridesmaid but she’s hurt and feels like I’ll replace her with them. We talked and I don’t know where our friendship will end up but it seems like right now we’re okay.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Useful-Count2418 on 2024-01-06 22:20:34+00:00.

I was born with a cleft lip and had extensive surgeries to correct it. Now it's significantly less visible and the result was told to be impressive. On the unrelated note, I also have a wax issue with my ears so I have to see an ENT specialist doctor from time to time to get the wax removed.

It happened to me before to have doctors (which are supposed to just remove my wax) to marvel at my cleft lip and the whole work done around it. For me it's weird because 1) I don't consider it THAT ground-breaking and 2) they're doctors, shouldn't they be more USED to that? However, I usually don't say much about it.

Anyway cue doctor Jane who was supposed to remove my wax for the day. I scheduled an appointment SPECIFICALLY for that. She does it and then proceeds to ask me to open my mouth (although I told her the issue is with my EARS). I comply, foolishly imagining it's gonna be relevant to my problem but she begins talking about my cleft lip and how great the result is and wants to examine my nose point at which I stop her. I tell her there's nothing wrong with my nose and ask her if she suspects there might be an infection spreading to my ears or something. She says something like "No, I just wanted to have a look and see more about your cleft lip...". I stop her again (literally pushing her hands away) and keep asking if she's done with my ears. She says yes and KEEPS TRYING to see the work for my cleft lip.

I told her to quit it, that I'm not sort of a museum piece that she gets to look at from all the sides and that for my cleft lip problems I see other doctors. Meanwhile I got up from the chair and started to get my stuff to leave. She said that there's no need to react like that and all she did was try to help me. I explained all the help I needed from her was with my ears and if I need more, I'll let her know. By then I was already dressed with the hand on the door handle.

She kept telling me this is no way of behaving and I'm disrespectful to her. I (almost) snapped but told her as calmly as I could that for me this is not an "interesting case", but a lifelong condition and I'm not fond of people pointing fingers at it. I explained to her I find it unprofessional and rude. I then just left to avoid further conflict. Was I wrong?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/totallynot-pshyco666 on 2024-01-06 18:52:43+00:00.

So, me (13f), my stepbrother (13m), stepmother (35f), my stepmother's friend (f) and my dad (37m) were going to play a game. I said I wanted to use the green piece (you know these little things you use to move forward in the game?). Then the rest chose their color but when it came to my step brother he said he wanted to be green. He hadn't heard me when I said I wanted to be green since he was in the kitchen so I (politely) told him I had already taken the green one. He then said "no, because I am going to be green." I, once again, told him I had already chosen the green one and he hit me with the "I took out the game so I had already chosen". I usually wouldn't fight more but since my parents are always babying my step brother because he has autism (which I have full respect for since my half brother has autism, they just use it as an excuse for EVERYTHING) I decided I wasn't going to back down since I had already clearly said I was going to be green and he can't ALWAYS get exactly what he want. So I stood my ground and said "no, I'm green". He then said he wasn't going to play and my response was just a simple "okay." He then ran off to his room and cried. My step mother then scolded me and was like "couldn't you just let him be green since he wanted it so bad?" So am I the asshole or not?

And I know that this probably sound ridiculous and like a "kid problem" but I always back down and let him have what he want since I know that it's usually not worth anything to fight him because our parents will take his side anyways. I just want to know if I overreacted and should have just let him be the green one.

PS. If you guys are wondering since I mentioned his autism, no he isn't always the green one. He switches it up and if it would have been about that I would have let him have the green one. DS

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Autisten1996 on 2024-01-06 14:45:55+00:00.

With the risk of sounding ungrateful and spoiled for having family members that buy presents for my kids;

I have nearly three year old twins. This Christmas they got toys from both my family and my in-laws. My issue is that they only got one of each toy, meaning they have had to share everything. For example they got a small grocery cart with plastic groceries, and a train that can drive forward. They have been constantly fighting over the toys every single day since, because only one of the boys can play with the toy at a time. The cart is broken, because they kept fighting over it. And I have had to remove the battery from the toy train to make it less interesting, since it was non-stop screaming over who got to play with it.

We don't think it's fair to expect them to share their toys. Their cousin is one year old, and he gets his own presents that he doesn't have to share with anyone. Had our kids been born a year apart, then they would also have recieved separate presents.

We haven't talked to our families about this yet, but the kids' birthday is in March, so it's right around the corner, and we want to avoid this happening again.

So, would I be an a-hole for asking my family and in-laws to buy two of each toy, or to simply not buy toys at all and instead just buy clothes?

Edit: My mom gave the cart, and the in-laws (the kids’ grandma and grandpa) gave the train. The presents are always labelled “For X & Y”. So it’s one toy for both kids.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Anxiety_420 on 2024-01-06 21:51:15+00:00.

Backstory: I, 40+m (throwaway account), have had recurrent depression and anxiety first emergent during teenage years. After a significant low point 10 years ago, I had reached out to therapy which has helped recognize flags and signals better. Progress has been made, yet is never linear. At times I feel I lose control, yet manage to get back on that horse.

So. These past two months have been hard personally. In no short order: insurance is dropping coverage to my hospital I use for annual MRIs, my parents' health are taking a turn, the job - in addition to it being holiday heck - has informed me of a promotion with additional requirements yet no additional pay, my deceased ex's birthday passed, and another family member found themselves in the hospital.

It got overwhelming through December, so I got onto the internet to vent. No names were mentioned, just how I was feeling "done with it all." Privacy settings were set to keep family out of it. This was not smart, yet friends caught on and reached out.

Fast forward to two days ago. My sister, Sally, informs me that a friend of mine (unknown, let's call them Pat) reached out to her ultimately with screenshots of the posts. Sally's rightfully concerned, and I'm confused by Pat breaking the wall to chat with my family.

Today I feel awful, angry at myself for venting stress, embarrassed for the reactions, and feeling I gaslit people into believing (a) everything is okay, (b) a protective narrative because I feel need to defend myself, (c) that I'm just attention seeking when I truly feel overwhelmed.

AITA for making those posts and alarming friends, whether or not behind a privacy wall, was Pat out of line for breaching trust?

Edit 1: Sally and my friends have reached out with concern the posts were sü1ç1dål (not sure if that word is allow). This is bringing up fears of people thinking I'm attention seeking and hence this post.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/agirl2277 on 2024-01-06 21:49:00+00:00.

My husband (64) is going through his best friend dying of cancer. They've been friends since kindergarten. They stood in each other's weddings, we all live close and he visits frequently. I see how hard this is on my husband. I've only been around for 20 years so I'm relatively new to this friend group.

"Jim" was moved to hospice from the hospital a couple of days ago. He's going down quickly. I work full time and my husband is retired. Last night my husband decided we'd go visit while Jim's family went out for dinner to celebrate the aunt's birthday. As soon as we got there, it was obvious that Jim wasn't going to last long. Dinner plans were thrown out. The priest came and gave him last rights. I was exhausted and starving after 2 hours. Also, Jim's family was all there and I don't know any of them. I just felt like a stranger barging in on an incredibly personal situation. Nobody made me feel unwelcome, it was just a bad situation all around.

My husband's ex wife came to visit while I was there and she offered me a ride home. I told my husband I was going with her and he should stay as long as he wants. I didn't want him to worry about me when he should be focused on Jim and his family. I really just wanted to make it easier on him. I was there for 2 hours. My husband stayed until midnight, came home, slept for 5 hours and went back. Jim passed early this morning. My husband was involved as if he was a brother in the family. I'm glad it worked out that way. He's very upset right now but not about me. He appreciates that I gave him the space he needed at the time.

I just feel like I abandoned him at a really vulnerable time when he might have needed me. I wanted to see Jim before he passed but I'm not as close to everyone else. I thought my presence was unnecessary in the face of Jim's imminent death. My husband isn't upset with me right now but he's having trouble processing. He said that he's family, so if I'm with him, I'm family too. I get that but others might not feel that way. Especially people I've never met before.

Aita for leaving like I did?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WordOk4342 on 2024-01-06 21:48:16+00:00.

I work as a bus aide for the school bus company. I've been working for this company for 3 years and had this bus driver for 2 years. Christmas is just around the corner and this is usually the time of year we’re parents give the bus driver and the aide a present. This usually consists of gift cards, mugs, and chocolate. Some parents don’t give us anything and I’m totally ok with that.

On the last day of school my normal bus driver couldn’t come in because he was on vacation for holidays, so I had a substitute, she was probably the best bus driver I’ve been with. As we were doing my normal run a lovely family gives me two large bags and saids “this is for you and the bus driver” she then gave me hug and wished her a happy holiday, when I got back on the bus I saw what was in the bag, very soft throw blankets, one blue and one gray I turned as said to the bus driver which color she wanted, she picked gray, we then finished the run without any problems.

When I got back to the yard I told the other aides what I got and said to them that since I got two of them I gave the bus driver the other one as it was for the bus driver. Some of the aides thought I did the wrong thing by giving a gift that was meant for my normal bus driver, but if I wanted to do that I would have to leave it at my house or the office for a week, so I just gave it away, my mom agrees with my decision but what do you guys think? AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Club9802 on 2024-01-06 21:48:13+00:00.

So my dad (72M) has been prioritizing his 2 dogs ever since my mom passed away. He was over an hour late to my wedding, forcing me to put it on hold till he got there. He ran home right after the ceremony, didn't stay for the father daughter dance. He won't stay on phone calls for more than a few mins, always saying the dogs need him. They are 6 year old Springer spaniels...nothing wrong with them. I'm feeling like he's pushed me to the bottom of the list and cares more for them, than he does his only daughter. So, WIBTA if I told him, his actions are making me feel unloved?

Edit: yes I tried to talk him into therapy, he firmly does NOT believe in it. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. He even was in a rush to push me out of the house, as soon as I met my now husband (met in Oct 2022. Moved in together March 2023)

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Aggravating-Cup6384 on 2024-01-06 21:47:46+00:00.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS MEAN HUT HEAR ME OHT!! so my (13f) friend group had a secret santa for the holidays. unfortunately, i got a girl who is just really toxic. she has shit talked me for wearing makeup (it’s just mascara and contour) and she has also said stuff about how i curse too much?? (i just say what the hell.) worst of all, she said that my eating disorder that almost killed me was “weird??” she also made fun of my best friend for not having as much money as she does. point is, she’s judgemental and doesn’t like me for literally the stupidest reasons. anyway, i looked at her wishlist. it was full of EXPENSIVE products. (the price limit was $30) the cheapest thing was $40 perfume. i decided to just leave a little cash in her locker because she’s not a nice person and i’m not blowing $40 on her cause like wtf?? now my whole group is coming at me. aita?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/One_Restaurant3968 on 2024-01-06 21:45:15+00:00.

Ashley is my older sister but we have always been super close growing up and often hang out together in a friendship group.

Ashley and I have spoken about my son turning 18 for years and how we will celebrate alongside him etc but as I’ve gotten older I’ve mentioned that he will have a celebration but I’ll let him do his thing I don’t think 18 year olds want to party with their mum sort of thing.

Well the month before the date I told ashley what the plan was for the party and a time that she should come for the cake if she didn’t want to stay for the whole time. She said she had plans to go away with her kids and her friends with their families that weekend. The fact I wasn’t invited makes me think they all realised I’d be busy for sons birthday but I don’t know. The other friends have kids Ashley’s kids age so they are closer I only see them at events that don’t include kids due to I’ve only got my one son who is independent.

Ashley has known for 18 years the date is my sons birthday but still made these plans. I just said okay and didn’t bring it up again and Ashley never asked again about it other than after she came back from her trip to ask how the party went , I kept it very brief just saying it went well , son had a fun night. I know my son didn’t notice that his aunt didn’t come and he had a great night but I’m still sour that Ashley chose her friends over this milestone.

WIBTA if I tell Ashley I’m disappointed that she didn’t come as it won’t change the past but I do feel a resentment inside me towards her

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dravian31 on 2024-01-06 21:44:07+00:00.

A bit of history here, I am not a fan of Facebook, my wife loves it and swears by it but I simply don't care for it.

My mother had a Heart Attack yesterday, it was an awful traumatic event for the whole family but thankfully the doctors saved her and she will be okay. We reached out and told all our closest family and friends of course.

Today I started getting messages from people about it, people we haven't talked to yet. I Come to find out my wife posted the entire ordeal on Facebook without talking to me or my mother about it first. It's making me sick to my stomach that a personal family trauma was posted on a public fourm without anyone's consent. Is she in the right for broadcasting it to hundreds of people that aren't even family, or am I justified not wanting our family's personal news posted like that without anyone's consent? I'm really troubled about this but I'm afraid if I tell her she won't understand.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/omgitsss on 2024-01-06 21:42:07+00:00.

Hi Reddit! I made this account to see if I can get any advice or feedback on this. Me (27 F) and my partner (25 M) have been together for almost 1 1/2 and going on 2 years of knowing each other. He is potentially moving during the middle of the year for job opportunity in his current company. That being said, I wouldn’t be moving with him since the position would be temporary placement until he gets a permanent position when passing his boards. I would staying in our current hometown about 7 hours away. Occasional visits would be a thing but traveling together would be more difficult. I have been planning on traveling out of the country for a while now and am officially biting the bullet and making it happen. My partner however wouldn’t be coming with me and seems to be put off by it. I understand that it would be ideal for us to be taking this dream trip together but am I suppose to put my travel plans on hold bc he’s not here? I feel like an asshole but also feeling conflicted. Am I the asshole for planning on going without him?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SallyJoel551 on 2024-01-06 21:37:00+00:00.

A little bit of information before I get into the issue. Last year, my sister (22f) convinced our family to get a kitten and the kitten we got, we were specifically told he doesn’t do well with other cats since the smell of them makes him agitated. We still got him anyway and it has been smooth sailing. Sister has messaged me a couple times wanting to get another cat. I say messaged me because she goes to a college 2 ½ hours away. She’s only home on holidays and breaks. I (19f) have constantly told her that we won’t get another cat, especially since she wants it but won’t be home to take care of it.

Side note: when we got our first cat I found out that I was allergic to cat hair and am actively trying to get meditation for it.

Well, last week while she came home with my dad holding a new cat. I was furious but calmed down and told them that I in now way would be helping them with the new cat. We got the cat last week and my sister is leaving today. Throughout the week my cat has acted differently, his meows have changed and sound more broken, he’s more seclusive, and whenever he tries to interact with our new cat, she is not having it and hisses at him.

Our new cat has eaten his food, used his bathroom while hers was next to it, and runs at him, hisses then runs away. I told them of my concerns and while they acknowledge it, they believe the cats need more time. I told them I understand, but sister is leaving. Sister has been sleeping with the cat in our shared room since I can’t. New cat can’t go downstairs since the cats would be fighting.

They then told me that new cat would have to sleep with me. I refused as I was allergic to cat hair and told them we needed to give her back since they didn’t think our situation through. Sister is leaving today and my dad is leaving in 3 weeks. They believe I am being stubborn, but I am just telling them the facts about our situation. I told my sister she doesn’t have a say anymore since she is leaving. My mom is on my side while my younger brother is happy we got another cat. I really need advice on our situation since I too have grown to love our new cat, but my heart hurts for our year old cat since he is really miserable with our new cat. He doesn’t like her smell at all and I just want the issue to be over. So, am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Particular_Fault_159 on 2024-01-06 21:29:06+00:00.

I 18f have this friend 18m, we’re good friends and we also work together.

His boyfriends birthday is next weekend and he tried booking off for it but unfortunately it didn’t work out, our managers are actually really great they’ll ask round everyone to try and accommodate for anyone booking off but it didn’t work out. Basically he’d have to find someone to swap with him because the managers asked everyone and couldn’t find anyone.

He asked me what my schedule was and Im not working that weekend, he asked to swap with me because I have shifts mid week.

I said no because I’m probably going out, he pleaded with me saying I go out every weekend (he wanted to swap both his Friday and Saturday) and I said no.

He then started to weaponise the fact that he in his words “paid for all my drink” when we went out when I had no job which is not fucking true, and you shouldn’t use nice things you do for people against them. Usually he’d pay for the first few (like big cocktails you can share) at most and we’d pre drink at his house so I’d have some there but then I’d usually find a guy (or girl for me) to take over. And it’s not that I’m using people It doesn’t take a lot for me to get to where I need to be.

And I just think that’s really fucking rude to bring up because he feels owed a shift swap for some reason.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bright_Pomelo4836 on 2024-01-06 21:28:05+00:00.

My moms an alcoholic We have a pretty good relationship, but I hate when she drinks. She gets all emotional, and she's very short with everyone. Well, her friend who owns a really nice house whent on a trip, and my mom is watching it for them. My sister is gonna go and I was too. They have a giant tv, and my mom wants us to watch a movie with her. My mom called me to confirm I was coming, and I could tell she was at least buzzed, which means she'll be shit faced by the time I arrive. I told my sister that I don't want to go because my mom is drunk. My sister got a little mad, and was like "I don't want to go iether, but we should because it's her birthday" What do you think? AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/JollyJackJumping on 2024-01-06 21:24:31+00:00.

My (40m) daughter (16f) has recently been through some extreme trauma, and she's been freaking out when she's triggered. She came into my room at 4-am crying saying her ex boyfriend was in the backyard. My wife said rather harshly for her to go to bed, but I had her stand in the door to the backyard and watch me walk around. That calmed her down, and she broke down, apologizing about her paranoia.

I said I'd be worse if I went through what she did, and I was taking that day off work and would spend that day with her doing everything in my power to make her enjoy it as much as she can. And if she was having an absolute shit day in the future, I'd do my best to drop everything for her.

My wife pulled me aside and asked what the hell I was thinking, and said we shouldn't spoil her. I said that mindset is how my father would have reacted to this, but she said he wasn't all bad.

I said she can say whatever she wants to me if this backfires, but my gut says be there for my kid as much as possible, so I'll do it.

She grumbled and called me soft, but went to bed. AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Appropriate-Mud-6985 on 2024-01-06 21:22:14+00:00.

I (18M) was moving into College today. Me and my family (Mom, Dad, Sister)had everything moved in but I needed more hangers so we went out to target to get some. Luckily there’s a target right outside my college so we went there. They go in before me while I look for my phone and leave the car keys with me, after I walk in a guy tells me happy new year I respond with the same and then he asks if I could spare a homeless man with money. I have no problem with a homeless person asking for money and normally I would have given him some change but I didn’t have any cash so I tell him that.

He responds in a rude voice “it was just a suggestion N word” I’m taken aback and I’m already in a pretty tense mood from moving. This is the moment where I think I might be the Asshole. I respond by showing him the car keys and saying “I drive a bmw you’re homeless, go fuck yourself” I then walk in the store before he says anything else. After we were done shopping and go back to the car I tell my family what happened. My Sister thinks what I did was fine but both my parents think I just shouldn’t have responded and that I was an asshole for responding like that to someone who’s already struggling and flexing a car that’s not mine, so AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aita-oh-baby on 2024-01-06 21:17:06+00:00.

This is a throwaway due to some personal info on this post I don't want being linked back to my main.

Long story short, my (28M) wife (28F) is estranged from her family and has been since a teenager. She met Eva as in school and they were inseparable with Eva letting my wife stay over a lot as well as providing a constant source of support. I met my wife at University. Unfortunately, Eva died suddenly a year into our relationship. I had met her a few times, and she was lovely. My wife was understandably devastated. Two years ago, we married and she took my last name, Brown.

Our baby girl is due in the spring and understandably, my wife wants to honour Eva in her name. This is something that she has said throughout the relationship. I was happy with the idea of honouring her, and we have discussed baby names throughout the relationship and pregnancy. The leading name we were tossing about was a place name that had significant memories to them.

Yesterday she came up to me and said that she had a dream about Eva asking her to "remember her by her name" (she had some like this around the time Eva died but none recently to my knowledge), and to memorialise her, our baby must be called Eva. I said absolutely no way. She said why not, and I reminded her of the historical figure, Eva Braun (pronounced Brown), wife of probably one of history's most evil figures and reassured her that we will tell our kids about Aunt Eva, and she'll always be remembered, but my wife refused saying it has to be her name. She says few will make the link to the historical character, and she won't be bullied at school.

She said she had fell out with the place name, and a family member has had a baby recently with a similar name (think Brooke to Brooklyn). I suggested things to do with Eva, such as her birthstone or honouring her through a middle name, or even names that had Eve/Eva in. Anything but Eva itself.

She started crying and said that she won't name the baby anything else, and it's the ultimate way Eva can live on. I said it's a shitty situation, and if we had literally any other surname we would, but I literally can't. Not only am I extremely morally opposed, I work in a field where if there was wind that I named my child Eva Brown, my work could be at risk. She's saying I'm making excuses, and not supporting her as she is putting in a lot of effort to having this baby. This resulted in a fight and now I am on the couch for the second night now.

Some of our friends are saying I'm being dramatic but my sister (the mother of "Brooke") is telling me that if she continues to register the baby without her. To be honest, I'm leaning that way if she continues not to compromise. I'm really not sure what to do. AITA for not wanting to name my baby Eva?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Friendly-Staff-3721 on 2024-01-06 21:04:21+00:00.

Original Title: AITA: A close coworker came to our wedding and brought a friend. She didn’t send us a gift, so now I don’t want hangout with her anymore since it’s normal to at least give money in lieu of a gift. She didn’t do either and our wedding was in September and it’s now January. She acted normal since.

This wasn’t like her. She’s very usually friendly and I thought she was a close friend. It also doesn’t make sense that she brought a friend if money wasn’t issue. Money was an issue. You would think she wouldn’t bring a friend then. I’m completely confused. I also didn’t invite many coworkers, so she was in the select a few that actually was invited and came from Work. Just feel disrespected and that she’s an asshole.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/communism_works_666 on 2024-01-06 21:00:20+00:00.

I [28M] have this friend, let's call her Amy [29F]. We've been friends since college, so we know each other pretty well. Amy is the type who's a bit scatterbrained, always misplacing her stuff. About three weeks ago, we went hiking and she left her backpack in my car. It wasn't anything fancy, just a regular old backpack.

I didn't think much of it at first. But as days passed, the backpack just sat there in my car, taking up space. I figured Amy must've forgotten about it or it wasn't that important since she hadn't mentioned it. To be honest, I was getting a bit annoyed about it cluttering up my car.

So, after about two weeks, I decided to clean up. The backpack didn't seem to contain anything of value – I didn't thoroughly check it, just a quick glance. It looked like some papers, a water bottle, and maybe a shirt. I thought to myself, "Amy probably won't miss this," and made the decision to donate it to a local charity shop. I felt it was a good deed, giving something to someone who might actually need it.

Fast forward to last week, Amy asks me about her backpack. She said it had some important work-related documents, a spare set of keys, and a flash drive with sentimental photos. I was taken aback. I told her that I had donated it, thinking it wasn't anything significant.

Amy got really upset, saying that I should've asked her before doing anything with her belongings. She said it was irresponsible and thoughtless of me. I tried explaining my side, that it was just sitting there and I assumed it wasn't anything important. Plus, it's been weeks, and she never mentioned it.

I feel like she's overreacting a bit. Yes, I probably should've checked with her, but also, shouldn't she be more careful with her things? So, AITA here for donating the backpack without asking her first?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CutElectronic135 on 2024-01-06 20:57:24+00:00.

My brother broke a gift that I was very fond of the gift because of the person that gave it to me, he broke it one day after I had received it. I got really devastated and had a fight with him and said some terrible words, even called him stupid, he didn't even apologize and went to play on his console. My dad told me I was overreacting, it's not his first time (he did the same thing 2 years ago, also by mistake)

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_biology on 2024-01-06 20:56:58+00:00.

My (m28) boyfriend (m23) had started crashing at my place regularly, we've even been talking about him moving in with me full-time since he is here almost constantly. Liam is a recovering alcoholic, my apartment has been a sort of 'safe haven' for keeping him sober; he still lives with his mum, the estate where he lives is filled with lads around his age who do drink heavily, they all know my boyfriend and therefore they frequently invite him to go to pubs or to house parties with them, there's constant temptation there for him while in my apartment he is removed from that scene.

This is for context, but my apartment is a rather large one in a high rise, practically in the middle of our town. I guess this can be alluring to some of Liam's mates and he invites them over frequently, I guess this time his friends had also invited their friends and so on, because Liam ended up throwing some sort of impromptu party whilst I was working. When I came home, the place was an absolute tip and I found Liam drunk as hell and injured from slamming his head on a wall apparently. I tried to get him to sober up and took care of his injuries (his nose ended up being broken).

Later on in the day, the people who were passed out earlier on started leaving, and I was stuck comforting Liam as well as trying to make a start of cleaning the apartment. My ex, Justine (F30) called me to ask if I could take our son, Alex (M3), for the day (we have an informal custody agreement, with her taking care of the boy mostly). I told her that I couldn't see him that day - the apartment wasn't appropriate for him at the time, and Liam was a mess who also needed to be taken to a&e due to the state of his nose. She insisted that I should take him, I told her that I'd happily have him over any other day, just not right now.

Justine took no notice of what had been said and drove to my place, Alex in tow. She called on the intercom, which I ignored, and then started calling me to say that they were outside and to let them in. I ended up telling her that she better go back home with Alex, that I wasn't letting her in and leaving our son here, which made her angry and she started insisting that she already had plans for the day. I ignored her calls and she ended up going home. My parents are saying that I should've just grit my teeth and taken in Alex, and after finding out, Liam also said that he could've taken care of himself, at the same time, I told Justine that I was unavailable and I'm not going to cater to her whims.