Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PotentialUmpire1714 on 2024-01-06 08:15:08+00:00.

Summary: I (F, 56) declined to make a kindergarten level craft project during a Zoom meetup with other adults. The hostess (F, 25?) was angry with me because she needs everyone to participate. I said I'd rather just hang out until they finished that part of the meeting. She said I had to leave if I didn't do the craft, so I left the meeting. AITA?

I was a member of an a recurring online meetup during the pandemic, with a rotation of different hosts. One of the hosts, who teaches preschool, thought it would be cute for us to all make a craft project together as part of her event because it was February and we should celebrate Valentine's Day.

We didn't have a lot of time for that part of the meeting (half an hour or less) and she didn't want people to worry about buying materials. So her idea was to teach us how to make "huggy hearts" we could give to our family and friends for Valentine's day. Basically a paper heart with accordion-pleated arms and legs and a happy face drawn on the heart. This is the kind of thing your 5-year-old (or younger?) child would bring home so you can thank them for thinking of you and put it on the refrigerator. Uh, I guess props for thinking of something we can make out of whatever paper is handy, but it seemed kind of infantilizing. (This wasn't a drinking event so we don't even have that excuse.)

I said calmly that I wouldn't be participating in the craft activity, but I'd be happy to hang out while they did it and wait for the next part of the program. The hostess looked at me like a misbehaving child and argued that I could give it to my family or friends to show them how much I love them at Valentine's.

Okay, maybe that's how she and her friends roll. My usual friend group (not the folks in the online group, I barely knew them) don't exchange Valentine's gifts except privately with their partners, and they would be baffled if I gave them some kindergarten craft project. Like, what do you do when a a professional artist who is older than you are gives you some kindergarten thing made from printer paper or grocery ads?

She said everyone had to participate and I would be spoiling it for everyone if I didn't join the group--so if I want to stay, I have to do the craft project along with the group. If I don't want to make a Huggy Heart with them, I have to leave the meeting. Well, I don't like having people test my boundaries, so I left the meeting. AITA?

I could've just kept the peace by making the Huggy Heart and recycling it after the meeting, but I didn't like the hostess's attitude so I opted to leave her online meeting early.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/A_Curious_Octopi on 2024-01-06 08:07:03+00:00.

So I work for a company that programs electronics for hospitals. Hospitals usually have an IT unit. Reps and managers are the ones who buy from us, not the IT people. But due to our nature, the IT people tend to be who we deal with. Which is fine. However I had a guy recently who called to trouble shoot a unit he had just received. He did not know how to turn on the unit. He did not know how to find the serial number for the unit. He asked me(literally across country and our companies not related at all) where he was supposed to find the tools in his own hospital, to open the electrical unit. While constantly telling me he had worked IT and knows what I’m talking about. We specifically talked about the HDMI cable and I asked for pictures to be sent of the connection. He refused twice to send any pictures. I gave him our companies email to send us specifics and information about what was happening with his unit and he asked why I couldn’t send him an email? I said it wasn’t typically how we worked. If you have an issue with a product we sent out then you contact us to explain what is going on?! He argued again why couldn’t I just send an email since he was “running around trying to do his job!” I wasn’t in the mood to argue so I sent the email asking him to give me all the info about his new unit not working. He claims he changed out cords and checked everything but didn’t provide pictures as asked. I then asked again for some pictures just to be sure that there wasn’t something out of whack that our techs could see who are familiar with the unit we sent. And he said “This is a dead unit. I’ve been doing IT for 25+ years. Pretty sure I know how to connect these cables. Can we just replace this $150 item? I make more than that per hour.”

I didn’t know how to respond. He already was so rude and disrespectful. And then he was so openly disrespectful in the email. I asked my supervisor and he kind of laughed and said to send it to our boss. I did and she also didn’t seem to read into how rude he was. So I responded according to their reaction…but I don’t feel right about it. It feels wrong and I know my autism might be the reason. I’m just curious about other peoples perspective. He kept telling me he was IT while he was explain but not actually telling me what was wrong. He was confused why they asked him to connect his device to the internet without WiFi…because apparently you can only connect via WiFi….if you’ve been working IT for 25+ years.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRAsushiguyme on 2024-01-06 07:35:32+00:00.

My wife(28F) Cara, works crazy hours as a nurse and so, it was nice that she was able get New Years Eve and Day off. The kicker was that they were going to have her work late Dec. 30

My mom wanted us to come drive to her place, about 2.5 hours away. So, we drive down there and Cara darts straight for the laundry room fridge. When she sees my mom has no soda, she rolls her eyes. This is not a deal where my mom is anti-soda, she just hadn't hit the grocery store yet, usually its packed with Diet Pepsi.

We go to the kitchen, I watch Cara open the fridge door, lock eyes with me, and rolls her eyes, she goes " No tea either, it's almost like nobody cares we were coming". She then excuses herself to bed.

My mom tells me that Cara being up late doesn't mean she gets to be mean. My case to my mom was Cara's overwhelmed, she's tired. My mom tells me that tired or not, manners should be important and said she was upset I defended poor behavior

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Temporary-Double6532 on 2024-01-06 08:03:33+00:00.

My sister and I bought an apartment together last year at the end of February. The total cost for the apartment was $4500 (first, last, and security). She paid $3000 and I paid $1500 (I was in a financial burden at the time so I only paid whatever I could). She then asked me later on if I could pay her back the $3000 that she put down on the apartment because now she is “broke”…. Initially, I said no at first because I thought that sounded a little ridiculous that I should pay her back a full $3000 because technically I don’t OWE her $3000, I OWE her $750 (the other half for the apartment that I couldn’t afford). However, she didn’t like my response to that so then we got into this HUGE argument, she started bawling her eyes out, yelling at me, literally throwing a whole temper tantrum saying she could take me to court because we came to an agreement on it, blah blah blah, so then I just told her that I would pay her back anyways because I was just tired of going back and forth with her. If I decide not to pay her the $3000 can she sue me in court? I didn’t sign any legal documents claiming that I owe her $3000, it was a verbal agreement only. I need answers!!!!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Direct-Advice4333 on 2024-01-06 05:02:15+00:00.

I (32) m am a taxi driver. On the weekends it’s especially busy at the ranks because of people coming back from bars/clubs. (I live in a city).

Last weekend I had an older teenage girl get into my cab. around 1am. She told me that she just finished the late shift at work and her phone has died, she only had apple pay on her phone and forgot her physical card but she had her tips and asked if it was enough. I told her that the fair automatically starts at 5 and she asked if I would take her as far as I could with what she could afford and I agreed.

When I stopped she asked for directions to her place as she’s new to the area ( she was only a 10 min walk ). I gave her the directions and i noticed her start to cry but she thanked me and got out.

I carried on doing a few more rides and didn’t think much of it till i casually mentioned it to my girlfriend the other day and she freaked out at me.

She called me insensitive and heartless and if anything happened to her it would have been my fault and we had a bit of an arguement. My girlfriend is a passionate feminist and I do usually agree with her on all her points however a business is a business and I took her as far as I could.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoProfessional7505 on 2024-01-06 08:02:57+00:00.

I (25) was living in this tiny, one bedroom apartment for a few months. I wanted to tour the place but my Mom thought it would be pointless since it’s so small. That was a major error on her part because as soon as I walked in, the floor squeaked everywhere and the walls were so thin that I could hear my neighbors alarm go off in the morning and I had to listen to my upstairs neighypace around at 2 am (until he was kicked out for being on drugs). I also discovered the place had water issues that was messing with my skin. It made my skin so dry and my hair always looked so oily.

It was hell because I felt like I looked like a hobo most of the time because I felt so unclean.

One night, I was having a hard time and found myself driving all the way to my parents house four hours away. I arrived and my Mom listened when I told her I was really struggling with the apartment and that I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up moving back in with them and quiting my job without much notice. It was embarrassing and then I fell into a depression because I had no idea where to go next.

Eventually, I had a friend reach out to me asking if I was looking for a place to live and suddenly I had a plan. My parents were in the middle of a move so I helped them carry things and my Dad ended up selling the place before their new house was complete, so we all ended up at an apartment for awhile.

I didn’t have a job but was actively looking for one around where I would be moving. I would go to the library, look at jobs, work on my resume, ask my parents for advice, and apply to everything. I was struggling to find something and was also struggling because I was having a hard time being around my parents so much and waiting for the date that I could move in that wasn’t entirely official yet.

One day, I got into a disagreement with my parents and my dad said “you know, we didn’t ask you to show up, completely unannounced, to our house, insisting that you cannot stay at your apartment.”

With that being said, I started crying and packing my things. I told them about stuff I had held onto for years, such as how traumatized I was from the time I struggled with ongoing panic attacks and how abandoned I felt by my own parents when I needed help and wasn’t given any. I said a bunch of things, grabbed my things, got in the car, and drove off. I had no plan besides showing up at my friends place where I was planning to live and ask to crash there. Or sleep in the car. I really ran down a list of options for myself until a few hours later I got a text from my Mom who said they were headed to the cabin and asked if I would want to join them. I didn’t know what to do, but I turned around and met them at the place. My Mom broke down and later my Dad apologized. I have struggled to express my emotions with my parents because I feel like they don’t understand how to emotionally connect with me. My feelings always feel invalidated or swept under the rug.

Sometimes I feel bad for what happened but I was really struggling. Was I the asshole for dropping in on my parents?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FormalExtent2186 on 2024-01-06 07:58:05+00:00.

okay for context i’m (20F), I was named after my great grandmother on my moms side who passed when my mom was young. I’m the youngest of my siblings, i was close to my step siblings growing up but after realizing how my step mom and two out of three step siblings use my father and literally LEECH off of him. My oldest step sister(25F) has two kids, her oldest(4M) was named after my brother(23M) and her youngest(7 months F) with my name as her middle name. She didn’t speak to me or my brother about naming her kids after us/including our names in their names and i just think it’s so weird because 1. both of our names are not common AT ALL 2. I haven’t spoken to that side of the family in almost a year 3. my brother and I were always left out of sibling days by our step sisters. the only way i found out about the baby having my name as her middle name was when my dad sent me a picture of the baby with her name at the bottom, i did block my dads number after he sent that as that was the first text i’ve received from him in over 6 months(and i was very upset). I have given them all the silent treatment since then as i want no part of that weird family and i just feel like it’s a way of replacing me and my brother as we’ve grown detached from that side of the family since my dad pretty much prioritized them rather than my brother and I when we were minors. Part of me feels like i might be overreacting but i just think it’s weird that my name was taken without a discussion. So… AITA for giving them all the silent treatment after that?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway29714 on 2024-01-06 07:56:05+00:00.

My fiancé Sam (31M) and I (34F) are planning on getting eloped in a week.

We have been together for 8 years and I get along very well with Sam's family. We've never had issues and while visiting they have always been so welcoming and encouraging. My family has always been full of drama and is toxic. I have been low contact since a huge fight and am trying to learn healthy boundaries. I am the only daughter and am living in another country.

Recently Sam's dad had a health scare. We weren't sure if he was going to make it. The life expectancy for Sam's dad is 2 years from the time of his diagnosis.

We are currently visiting Sam's family for the holidays. Beforehand I discussed with Sam the possibility of eloping when visiting due to his dad's health and life expectancy. We are the last couple within the family that aren't married. Sam loved the idea and his dad was overjoyed. My family also has known our plans to elope soon, but had not planned to travel to be a part of it.

Wanting to keep the peace within my family, we decided against an official ceremony. We are only signing the necessary papers with Sam's brother officiating and then going out for supper afterwards. A big ceremony later with everyone included on both sides of the family will happen later.This seemed like a good compromise, yet my mom cares A LOT about marriage and weddings. I called her to discuss things further and it went horribly.

My mom said that if we do this without including her then she would cry. That I'm her only daughter and "isn't she important?"

I offered to record the process and to send it as a video (I didn't think of live video at the time as an option). She said, "No. You need to compromise and do a video call. You couldn't even be considerate about that?"

The day also became an issue. She would be at work at the time of the signing and kept saying she would never forgive me if I did this while she was at work. She also badmouthed Sam and his family. I stood up for them, but was getting increasingly frustrated.

This continued and I just regret telling her anything, despite her knowing for months that it was going to happen soon. I might've messed up by eloping soon in the state with Sam's family instead of the state where we are living (with no one involved at all).

When I talked about the current plans initially, she said she was okay with it and supported our decision, but then changed her mind entirely.

I understand my mom wanting to be involved, but a live video call with my dad or her gives me so much anxiety. My dad made an awful impression on Sam's brother and Sam doesn't want to be around him due to how he treats me. (Sam has no issues with the rest of my family).

WIBTA if I don't include my parents in the eloping process and just send them a video of it?

I feel like I might be the asshole due to not communicating the change of location until recently and offering only a recorded video instead of a live video of the signing of documents.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Legs4daysarmsformins on 2024-01-06 00:49:12+00:00.

Me (F, 20) and my mother (F, 59) were invited to my cousin (her nephew’s) wedding. He hasn’t been super in contact with us due to his issues with his father, but his new fiancée has been amazing, helping him to heal and open his heart once more. We recently got an invitation for their wedding, and my mom and I were SO excited. My mom and I have been on a weight loss journey together, and she’s lost a lot of weight. I’m so proud of her. She says she wants to wear something fancy by wedding time to show off her weight loss. That’s not the problem though. She says she wants to wear a white pantsuit to the wedding. Normally I’d be all for this, but I’ve recently (over the past year) learned that a lot of the time white in general is a no-no at weddings. I get it’s not a wedding dress, but still, I don’t want them to think we’re trying to steal the spotlight on their special day. Especially now that both of them are in our lives again. I kindly brought this up to my mother, admitting that I’m no expert on weddings, but I shared what I had heard just as a caution. She got SUPER defensive over it and claimed that I knew nothing about the subject. That she had lived long enough to know what she’s doing. I wasn’t trying to talk down to her or demean her at all, I just wanted her to know just in case. I’m not sure if it would be a problem to the bride or not, but I only learned recently and wanted her to keep it in mind as well. Now she refuses to talk about it at all. Am I the asshole? And would my mom be one if she wore white to their wedding?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway_aodai on 2024-01-06 07:47:07+00:00.

One of my best friends is African-American ("Hazel") and I'm Asian-American. We met at work and became close friends pretty quickly. We texted every day, sent each other memes, all the good stuff that best friends do. We even talked about being each other's weddings (neither of us were anywhere close to getting married lol). We had a falling out in 2017 where she got super drunk (I was the DD) and abandoned me in a hotel parking lot and I had to call a mutual friend to come get me. When she kicked me out of the car (I refused to cause she was still drunk and I wasn't gonna let her drive drunk), she said, "Get out of my car. I don't care if I'm not in your wedding. I don't care if you're not in mine. I don't care! Friendship over!" She dragged me out of her car and drove off. The next day, she came back to my apartment (she was staying there while she was in town), she apologized profusely. I told her that this event has changed our relationship and it'll take some time for me to trust her again, for our relationship to go back to how it was, if it'll ever go back to the way it was.

I got engaged and married in 2019. In those 2ish years, I started to open up and trust her again. I asked my 2 childhood best friends to be my maid of honor ("Cathy") and bridesmaid ("Susan"). I asked other close friends and family to participate in my culture's wedding ceremony. In my culture (Vietnamese), we have a tea ceremony where the groom's side comes to the bride's side to ask permission to "receive" the bride and bring her to his home. The groom's side comes bearing gifts in the form of giant red trays. Usually about 5-7 people on each side participate in this gift exchange. I asked "Hazel" to be one of the women on my side to receive gifts from the groom's side. Although our friendship hadn't gone back to the way it was yet, I still loved her and cared for her and decided that she should still be included in my big day. She said she was very grateful that our friendship was mended enough to still be included in some way.

Before she flew in for my wedding, she asked if she could wear the long dress (áo dài) she bought when we went to Vietnam together. I asked her not to wear it and just wear a normal dress. I think I was a little bit selfish because I didn't want too much attention on her (non-Vietnamese woman wearing a Vietnamese dress). I told "Cathy" and "Susan" (who both knew about the falling out) in our group chat about this conversation and my decision to not let her wear it. "Susan" thought it was crazy that she would ask and supported my decision. "Cathy" messaged me separately and said that if it were her, she would've been fine with it, but still supported my decision. My now-husband supported my decision either way.

Looking back and thinking about it now and seeing recent weddings where the bride and groom are different cultures and family members on either side would wear the cultural dress of the other side is celebrated, I'm thinking I was the A back then. So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Overall-Ad-1040 on 2024-01-06 02:35:43+00:00.

I 16F have always been an extremely picky eater. Not just in a “I don’t like vegetables” way but in a “I only eat 5 things and if I eat anything outside of those 5 things I’ll throw up” way. Most nights I go without dinner, and my mom does cook. Chicken, rice, pork chops, mac n cheese, tacos. But most foods smell and taste weird to me, and I can’t just scarf it down. My body literally rejects it. I’m speaking to my doctor about ARFID.

Anyways, I finally found a food I liked. They’re called pizza crunchers. I got them for school lunch, found the brand, and got my mom to buy them. They’re perfect. I planned to eat these every night. Until my mom kept asking my little brother if he wanted some, and then he started liking them, and started eating them for dinner too. I looked in the box today and there were barely any left.

I got upset at my mom because this is the ONE THING I like. My brother eats all this other stuff, mac n cheese, nuggets, fries, whatever my mom cooks. And we had all those things in the cabinet for him to eat as well. So I said “Can you not feed him my food? This is the one thing I will eat and he has heaps of other foods he likes. Can I just have my one thing?” She just responded by saying “I bought them, so they’re for the house, you should have ate them faster.”

I feel like it’s not always about who buys it. It’s about the fact that now I have nothing to eat tomorrow, and my little brother still has all the shit he likes sitting in the cabinet at the end of the day. This isn’t a “he ate the last ice cream!” thing, it’s like, I literally wont eat anything else! The cereal is all gone. I shouldn’t have to starve because my “little brother wanted some too!” like thats just not fair.

AITA?

edit: don’t be shitting on my mom too bad in the comments yall… i still love her and she’s still a good woman i do not get abused or neglected i just feel like she doesn’t understand the depth of my eating problems. She need to be educated a lil and everybody makes mistakes but like don’t be super mean about it 🙏🏾

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/spidermanpajamas on 2024-01-06 01:56:00+00:00.

My mom (64F) has a disability which stops her from any sort of driving. The car has been gathering up dust in the garage for about 2 years now, we don't ever use it.

My band has just lost our renting space and have no where else to practice, so I decided we should practice in my garage . Moving the car in and out of the garage has been a big hassle since the battery is practically almost out since nobody uses it. I've had to call up my friends to jumpstart it multiple times.

I sold the car back in November and used the money for better instruments and booking places to have gigs, and my mother had just recently figured out the car is gone this past week . She is furious with me calling me a disgrace, that I shouldn't have done it because it was my fathers car and one of the only things she has left from him. I never hear the end of it, but me and my band have been making more profit in these last 2 months than in the past year.

AITA for selling the car? She never even uses it and I have a motorcycle to get around.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Little_Biscotti_ on 2024-01-06 01:37:14+00:00.

I (35f) live with my husband and daughter Saoirse (9, fake name), and my stepson (16) lives alternate week with us.

I named my daughter Saoirse because it was my great grandfather’s sister’s name. They actually came from the country of the name’s origin. I thought the name was lovely so used it to name my daughter but I pronounce it the English way. So, I call my daughter SAO-ER-SE, like what you would expect if you see the spelling. It’s still lovely and my daughter is proud of how there’s no other Saoirse in her friend group.

A few weeks ago my stepson’s aunt picked him up to take him to his mom’s. My stepson introduced Saoirse to his aunt and she said “Oh, what a beautiful name! Let me guess, it’s spelled Saoirse? You know, the (people of my great grandfather’s origin) will pronounce it SER-CHAY.”

The aunt actually speaks the language. My daughter was all excited to learn why her name could be pronounced so differently and the aunt gave her a quick 10 minute course on pronunciation. My daughter loved this new name so much she insisted on pronouncing it as the aunt showed her. She introduced herself to everyone new as SER-CHAY from then on.

This hurts me as I put a lot of thought and love into choosing the name and the English pronunciation I gave my daughter makes the name extra special for us. I asked my daughter to please pronounce her name the way she used to as it was the name I chose for her. She said it’s the “right way” to say her name and I was the one saying her name wrong all these years.

I told her the next time she introduced herself as SER-CHAY I’m going to correct her on the spot. My daughter is now sulking. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Main-Ad1592 on 2024-01-06 00:53:00+00:00.

I’m a 42f software dev at a mid sized company. Today I woke up to a barrage of critiques on my most recent PR. The pair of male devs on my team were simultaneously tearing it apart. All of the comments ended up being super minor things. A commented line of code here, a line duplication there. Nothing that warranted the onslaught I was presented when I logged on this morning.

In addition to plastering our team Slack channel with their critiques, videos of the problem, etc, these devs also repeated one another’s critiques in the same thread, and repeated themselves more than once. It made three or four issues look like fifteen.

The final straw for me was that when I looked into the code patterns that they were critiquing, every last one of them is elsewhere in our codebase authored by one or the other or BOTH of them. In other words, they are putting me on blast for the same patterns they themselves use and approve in one another’s PRs.

As a result I made it a point of order to request that all PR comments be made in the PR itself on GitHub, as is standard practice on most software development teams, because to have an onslaught of critiques in two different places, many of them repeated multiple times, was a bit overwhelming. They feigned ignorance over the issue and said sure.

I’ve also gotten the ball rolling to form an ERG for women and non-binary developers at the company. We represent about 5% of the workforce there and I never hear a peep from any of the other female devs. My bet is that it’s because the culture there is highly bro-centric and as I’ve experienced, toxic asf.

So am I the asshole for asking them to change their habits when it comes to code reviews at work?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/StudyTurbulent4524 on 2024-01-06 00:43:12+00:00.

My boyfriend (25m) and I (25f) have been together for 2 years. Throughout our relationship, he has kept a very very strict diet. For instance, he won’t eat dairy at all and also refuses any dairy substitutes. He also won’t eat any refined carbs, doesn’t drink anything with caffeine or sugar, refuses any dessert, and won’t eat pork or shellfish. Ultimately, the entire time I’ve known him he’s been eating only chicken/beef and brown rice, and drinks only water. It makes things like planning dinners and going out difficult, but I’ve dealt with it for years now.

The frustrating part is I’m not sure why he keeps this diet, as he is not allergic to dairy nor any of the other mentioned foods. He’s also not overweight and is actually rather skinny. He says he started it early in the pandemic and it’s “just how he eats”. I’m beginning to get fed up over it and keep getting mad at him. A few weeks ago we went to a restaurant and he told the waitress he has a dairy allergy, and she sent the manager and chef over to us and created a whole scene. I yelled at him that night, and since then every time something happens with ordering food I get mad at him. The other night we ordered Harvey’s and he got a burger on a lettuce wrap, but it came with cheese. Instead of just pulling the cheese off he waited an hour for Uber Eats to send him another burger. He doesn’t get frustrated by this, and will just patiently wait for the correct food. I ate my food alone, and then got mad at him for his inability to change his diet. Each time he gets very defensive and says it is just how he is comfortable eating, and that maybe one day he’ll change. I’ve become increasingly agitated and would like to know if I am TA for not accepting his diet, or if he is being unreasonable

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Individual-Quit7424 on 2024-01-06 00:21:45+00:00.

In 2010, my sister and I were living under the same roof. I purchased a motorcycle. A year later, I got deployed with the army and I left my motorcycle in her garage. After returning, I was posted to multiple locations in the US but never near her home and was always provided with transportation.

Come 2018, my sister’s husband contacts me requesting I sign the title for the bike over to him so that he can have his mechanic sell it and put the money in their daughters college fund. (It prev belonged to the bank). He asked me if I wanted the money, but it was clear that he didn’t want me to say yes. I agreed because my sister and I have history, I felt like I owed her for totaling one of her insured beaters years prior in an ice storm, and because I didn’t need the bike or the cash at the time (roughly 8k). I signed the paperwork, but was then told that there is more. More never came and so I dropped it.

Later in 2018, my sister and I had a falling out. In 2020, the pandemic came and for three years, not a drop of concern unless she needed something. In early 2023, I explicitly told her that I don’t want to be bothered by her for any reason again. Thanksgiving 2023, I get a text from her husband asking for help so they can “put money in the college fund”. There was no “please”. And for five years up to and incl this moment, no “how are you?”. For additional context, their daughter is halfway through state school and together they clear just shy of 300 K annually. I was insulted - And I think rightfully so. I asked them to keep their distance and, instead of agreeing, they crossed my explicitly stated boundaries and rudely asked for my assistance so that they could get paid money from the sale of my property without any of the proceeds going to me. So I quoted their salary and their daughter’s standing in college and told them that they’re not much of a family afaic, that they’ve hung me out to dry too many times, that the bike isn’t theirs to sell, and that I’m happy to help but that the $ will not go into their account because of the aforementioned disrespect. In response, he told me I was disrespectful and now refuses to arrange a sale….which is just fine afaic.

To be clear, the bike is not theirs and never has been. As such, it is not theirs to sell. If my sister or her husband had wanted rent for the bike, they could’ve used their words. For 12 years, they did not. And now, after I’ve once agreed to what I consider an unreasonable request only to have it fizzle and after years of callous indifference, they come up from behind and out of the blue asking for money from the sale of property that’s not theirs so that they can put the money in an account that doesn’t exist for an education that’s already been bought and half consumed and which has a yearly price tag roughly 30x less than their yearly salary. I’m not doing this for the money. And I don’t intend to do anything with the bike unless someone asks me to and agrees to the stated terms. I’m doing(or rather, not doing) this because I’m not going to indulge my sister’s disrespect.

Now, the mechanic is pissed bc he has a bike he can’t move, my sister’s husband is butthurt, and my mother’s telling me I’m a shit brother who owes his sister garage rent for the years that I kept the bike there. (She never before asked for $ for keeping the bike under her roof).

The bike is not theirs and never has been, they’ve never asked to be paid for keeping it, they have demonstrated callous indifference to the welfare of their own flesh and blood for five years including all of the pandemic, and now they want me to help them sell property that isn’t theirs so they can pocket the proceeds at my expense. Further, this isn’t about the money. It’s about boundaries. If they can’t respect boundaries and if they can’t politely, acknowledge and apologize for when they breach those boundaries, then I have no autonomy when dealing with “family”. There has to be a response. I can’t and don’t want to hurt them actively. I really don’t want to hurt them at all. I just want them to understand that I am not their property. For this, there has to be a negative reinforcement. As such, I’m not demanding money. I’m just telling them that if they’re going to be disrespectful, the only way that I will help them is if I get paid.

AITA here? How? Am I missing something?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway_mlifeis on 2024-01-05 23:56:37+00:00.

I (m19) have been with my partner, Albarn (FTM19), for about a year now. If it wasn't for the internet, I doubt that we would've met, we just live very very different lives and have had almost contrasting upbringings, I completed a construction course at a local college, whilst Albie was applying for Oxford. He's also hella middle class, like both his parents also went to Oxford, that type of stuff, and I can't find consistent employment and live in a bedsit.

His parents don't like me much, but since Albie is knocked up with my baby, they've been trying to tolerate me for his sake, that included being invited to their house for dinner. It was dreadful, from the way they just looked at me I could tell they didn't really want me there. They kept asking me invasive questions as if they were some sort of social workers, like where I live, have I been working, have I applied to uni, stuff about my parents and all that.

His mum (50 something, F), started being insufferable after I told her that I wasn't going to uni, she just kept digging for an answer as to why. I told her that I had no a-levels and thought that she'd leave it at that, but she just kept going. She then turned the conversation to Albie's baby and managed to include my lack of uni in it, she asked how on earth I was going to provide for him and the baby with no degree, then she was almost in tears when she started mentioning how Albie could've gone to Oxford and instead he was going to give birth to my child.

I could not stand it when she went on like that, as though Albie ruined his life by being with me, just because I'm not made for university. I told her that at least our kid won't be loved based on their level of education, and that I'm sorry that not everyone has a huge stick up their ass like she does. I then told Albie that we're leaving.

He left with me, but he's been giving me the silent treatment since. He'll only talk to me when he feels like it, which is just to tell me off for speaking to his mum like that. Some of my friends have also said that I shouldn't have upset her in front of Albie, and it's made me question.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Puzzleheaded_Tap3751 on 2024-01-05 22:42:28+00:00.

We almost split 2 weeks ago due to me hanging out with my buddy too often. I absolutely was hanging out far too much so she was right. I was barely home. We are neighbors so it's kind of inevitable but I didn't hang out last weekend because of the fight we had and had no intentions of hanging out with him this weekend either. My fiancé and I made plans to sit in tonight and have a few drinks together. Something we don't often do due to work.

But my buddy got a hold of me around 4 and asked if I wanted to go to the store with him. I had to go anyways for booze. During this time he asked me if I would hang out with him for a bit tonight because his Gramps is in the hospital and he's having a hard time. I said yes, because I didn't intend to stay out long and I figured he actually needed me and my fiance and I could just stay up later anyways since we don't work tomorrow. It's not like me and my buddy were going anywhere. We were literally going to sit downstairs in the garage.

But I brought the booze up to my fiancé and said "here, start without me, Ben needs me cause he's having a hard time tonight but I won't be gone long, I promise." She immediately pushed the booze back to me and said "how about you just take that and go fuck off far away from me. Better yet, go give it to your fucking boyfriend because he clearly needs you and the booze more than I do." I tried pleasing my case and she said "either leave or I fucking will". So, I went back downstairs. She's blocked me off everything. I mean, she's right upstairs but still. AITA for staying with Ben when he needed me and asking my fiancé to understand this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/EatMeMario on 2024-01-05 22:11:49+00:00.

For context, we usually joke around and she calls me a hooligan, creep, loser, and an idiot, and I call her a dummy, brat, small boobed, liar, etc.

Basically been talking to this girl for a few weeks and we were just walking in the park and she playfully asked me how many girls I've talked to today and I responded by saying 3, her, my mom, and the cashier at Walmart. I asked how many guys she talked to today and she responded playfully 10 or 11.

I said, "oh wow, how much did you charge them?" And she asked what I mean and I said, "oh you're not a hooker?" And her mood immediately dropped and said she was mad. I asked why and she said "you really are asking me why I'm mad?" And I said yeah, it was a joke. She said it's very disrespectful to make a joke like that, but we usually call each other things like Virgin or scum so I'm really surprised she took it so seriously when she usually just responds to my playful jokes with jokes.

She said the reason is because it's something you should never call a girl. It was so obvious I didn't mean it though considering that she knows that I wouldn't mean something like that and she knew that I knew she only talked to me that day since we were only apart when I went to get groceries, so it's not like I'm asserting she's a hoe because of the number of guys she'd talk to.

She said she thinks I'm odd for not being able to see why she was so upset. The main issue is that she is contemplating ending things between us since she doesn't believe I respect women anymore. She said I was perfect and she has experience with lots of guys that don't respect women and until now I showed no signs or disrespecting women, but I don't think making a joke I could've made to a guy friend is sexist. I'm really surprised she's someone that thinks this since she's very into traditional gender norms as she recently moved from China.

I'd love some insight here because I feel crazy. I've always made jokes like this with female friends, calling them a hoe as a joke if we already have a history of bantering as I do with this girl and if I'm close with them, so this came as a shock

Edit: I did immediately tell her that I didn't think she was a hooker and even if she had been in the past, that's not something I knew about or meant to insult about her. I also told her I would never make a joke about that again and asked her if there's anything else that's off bounds to joke about, but the relationship is now over unfortunately. And to add, she said I have a small dick BEFORE I said she has small boobs. She has D cups...

Edit 2: Good job reddit downvoting a post for no reason?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wooden-Conclusion-12 on 2024-01-05 21:49:57+00:00.

I (41f) have a daughter (15f), Hailey. Her father and I split when she was 9, but we have shared custody, so she spends weekends with him. Hailey spent last weekend with him as usual, but when she came home on Monday I realized something was different about her. She was giddy and a bit nervous, so I asked her what was up. She excitedly revealed that she went with her dad to get her navel pierced, then pulled up her shirt to show me. I was furious. I told her what she did was irresponsible and disrespectful, especially because she didn't bother telling me to get my permission. Hailey said that her father allowed her to do it as a reward for her good grades, but I didn't want to hear it. I angrily dialed her father demanding to know what he was thinking. He told me that I was overreacting. After a few more words I called him an asshole and hung up. Then I turned to Hailey and said "As for you, young lady, since you're so grown, I expect you to start paying rent." She broke down and called her dad to pick her up. He came and cussed me out, asking if I was serious, and I told him very. He called me an asshole then took Hailey and left. I see no problem in expecting her to pay rent, as she is acting grown and that is what grown people do. So, AITA?

Edit: The only reason I told Hailey to pay rent is because she DOES have a job. I would've punished her in a different way if she didn't.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mariasansdra on 2024-01-05 21:27:39+00:00.

Okay so, I’m 17 going to be 18 this month. And yea, I know that it’s my parents’ house, they pay rent, etc etc. yes I know they can just kick me out whenever. But please just shut up and listen before commenting that I’m in the wrong because I’m the child.

So for context, today, my “uncle”, lets call him “SP” was being overall annoying. I have an IEP (special education plan essentially) at school, and I usually have accommodations. However, said accommodations arent being accommodated and I relayed this to my mom who was talking to SP. SP barges into the conversation, stating his opinion and basically saying “suck it up and deal with it”. Sure he had good intentions, but for someone who isn’t active in my life like that to attack my opinion, is pretty fucking annoying.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawa123456789876 on 2024-01-05 21:20:01+00:00.

Hi. I (29m) and my wife (27f) have been married for 3 years so far, and never had many problems before. However, we're in the middle of a huge fight which I think could've been avoided.

I am an avid gamer and spend a good bit of my free time playing video games. My wife also plays some video games, but not as much as I do. We often play different types of games (ex: she plays sims I play COD). However, we always make sure to spend a lot of time together and have hobbies outside of video games.

Recently I've been playing a game called Stardew Valley. (For those who don't know what that is, it's a peaceful farming sim with a very expansive co-op system). I've loved it so far, but none of my friends have it. It seemed like the type of game my wife would like, so for Christmas (along with other gifts) I bought her Stardew Valley.

We opened our Christmas gifts with my family this year (we spent Christmas with her family last year), and she seemed polite then, but when we got home she was livid. She said the only reason I got her Stardew valley was so I could have someone to play with, and I wasn't thinking about her at all. I explained to her that it was more than having someone the play with, that I thought it was something fun we would both enjoy together. She said I should've got her a $15 Steam gift card instead, and let her choose what game she wanted to play. I explained to her that I felt that gift cards were impersonal so I promised myself I wouldn't use them when gifting, and the point of my gift was to spend time together using (what could be) a mutual hobby. Eventually, she just stormed out yelling that I embarrassed her in front of my family. I was confused because she gave me a really nice "gaming keyboard" last year. (It was very obviously for playing games as we then discussed the video games I play, and more). She has not touched the game so far (I sent it as a gift via Steam during Christmas) and every time she sees me playing it she gets in a bad mood. It's made me stop playing it altogether because of how mad it makes her. Every time I try to discuss it she ignores me.

So, AITA for buying my wife a game that I like?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Artistic-Mushroom-43 on 2024-01-05 21:05:33+00:00.

My friend's boyfriend is mad because I told my friend she was a fool to pay half for a cruise they are both going on. It is also important to know that SHE came to me looking for advice, because although she really wanted a nice vacation, finding a couple grand to make it happen was going to be difficult. ONLY WHEN SHE APPROACHED ME, DID I GIVE MY HONEST OPINION.

HEAR ME OUT...

I'm not saying she shouldn't pay anything (IMO, she should make a contribution and have her own spending money) BUT, in addition to him making more money than she does, my friend looks after the family, keeps the house in order, dinner on the table when he gets home...AND pays nearly half the household bills. Again, he makes more than she does.

I may have said something like, "if you're going to pay half for a Vaca, you may as well go get your groove back.

Now he's pissed; she's short with me. And I was just being honest.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sunsammy on 2024-01-05 20:17:36+00:00.

To give a little context, this happened on my birthday (which was a few days ago last month). I spent my normal day, spent time with my friends in the morning and then moved on to the evening when I had an appointment with my family. I got ready like a cute poodle in a skirt and left in the car with my parents, we were on the way to my sister's house as we were going to pick her up for lunch at the restaurant. Halfway through, my mother receives a call from a friend, let's call her honey (really similar to her real name), well, honey is a rather unusual woman, so to speak. To begin with, I don't consider her a good mother and I often don't consider her a good friend to my mother either (either way, whether or not she is my mother's friend has nothing to do with me, As long as it interferes with my life, of course). Well, her friend called to talk and we ended up finding out that both she and I had booked at the same restaurant. AND GIVEN THEIR CONVERSATION, I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL GOING TO SIT TOGETHER IN THE SAME PLACE... I didn't really want to sit with her and her friend, because I wanted it to be my special day with my family because when my mother is with her, it always ends up being boring because they talk or talk and my sister and I end up in an annoying situation and in the end we just stay on the phone... AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED, I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FAMILY ALL DINNER BECAUSE MY SISTER LIVES ANOTHER PLACE.

GOING BACK, We were in the car and then I asked her about having her for my birthday (note: On my sister's last birthday she invited two of her friends to my sister's private birthday dinner) She became obsessed with me and started saying all sorts of nonsense about how her only two daughters were ungrateful and insensitive and all sorts of rubbish. In the end I just cried in secret, thinking "was this all just because I wanted to have a moment with my family without interruptions?" In the end we ended up not sitting at the same table, but my mother made a point of choosing the closest table, which was almost next to honey's table.

And believe me, EVERY TIME HONEY PASSED BY OUR TABLE SHE TOOK 50 MINUTES TO TALKING TO.☠️☠️ In the end, I cried for nothing and she and my father thought I looked like an asshole in the story.

Am i The asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FixProfessional1693 on 2024-01-05 17:55:07+00:00.

I went to Michigan and as most (maybe?) know Michigan is playing in the CFP Title game vs Washington on Monday.  Monday is my Fiance's and I's 3 year anniversary of dating. I'm excited for her to be my wife one day. She isn't much of a sports fan and she did not go to Michigan. She wants to go out to dinner and drinks to celebrate.  I want to watch the football game and we'll celebrate another day.  

I told her that is a no go for dinner and drinks, i'm watching the game with friends that also went to Michigan.  I'm not in a place where I can afford to go to the game, but I plan to pick up some food and make it a party where I live.  She is having none of it, doesn't want to come to the party, doesn't want to move our celebration.  She has suggested taping it and I can watch it later.  I told her that is an absurd suggestion.  I'm not doing that.  Its been Icy in our apartment.  AITA?