Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AlexWalmart on 2024-01-05 17:04:06+00:00.

I like to cook. I can't say that I can cook any complicated dishes that require a lot of effort, but I love experimenting with ordinary foods. Besides, I really like to cook according to my great-grandmother's recipes. I was very close to her as a child, so the dishes I cook from her recipes remind me of her.

But every time I cook, if my bil is around, it becomes a torture. He criticizes and ridicules everything. I shouldn't stuff the meat with fruit because in his opinion, it overpowers the flavor of the meat. I shouldn't dress salads with mayonnaise because, in his opinion, it's a plebeian dressing. Onions ruin the flavor of fried potatoes. The cheese soup has "too much cheese." I can't make desserts at all because sugar is bad. He even managed to criticize my great-grandmother's favorite recipe. First you cook the rice, then you boil the eggs, peel them, chop them and fry them together with the rice in a pan. The recipe is simple, but the food turns out VERY tasty, it was my favorite food as a child, and I always asked my great-grandmother to make me "rice and eggs". My bil called it a culinary perversion.

But if you thought that was the cause of the conflict, read a little more. The problem is that he only criticizes food while it's cooking. After the dish he so berated is cooked, he EATS MORE THEN EVERYONE. It always drove me crazy. First he says the food I cook is too plain, too plebeian, too perverted, too much mayonnaise/cheese/sugar, that he won't eat it, that I might not even offer him a taste, and then he says, "All right, I'll have a bite" and eats three times as much as all the other people.

To make a long story short, it's my birthday soon, my anniversary. My friends and I decided to have a small party and agreed that we would each cook one dish. We created a group chat on watsapp where we discussed all the details of the party preparation. My bil was also in this group chat, although I immediately felt that it was a bad idea. I was right. When we started discussing what dishes we were going to cook, he again started criticizing every, literally every dish. He criticized not only my ideas, but everyone else's as well. I could see that my friends were uncomfortable, but they didn't want to confront him. Finally, my patience broke when my bil wrote that he would certainly not try anything from our dishes, but let us calculate the portions for him as well, "So be it."

Well, that was the last straw for me. I wrote directly into the group chat, "Dear bil, since you eat more than everyone else every time, the food you said you wouldn't try, please bring your own, NORMAL dishes and eat them at the party."

I guess by his subsequent silence, I had insulted him.

My wife, who of course has also been in this chat room, says her brother can be too rude, but I have also acted unwisely.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Moist-Comedian5033 on 2024-01-05 22:11:51+00:00.

I have 2 friends who eat a lot! I mean at least 1.5 times my portion. So after a few time I started to feel ripped off.

So the next time I told them a BS reason that I am not hungry because 'i already ate something' or 'i just don't feel like eating beef or pork, but can have vegetarian' (knowing they wont order it)

But then once they had ordered their meal, I would head to the cashier to buy my own food because ' 'I feel a bit hungry now' (obviously I was hungry all along).

However they still added the bill on me, and expected me to add my bill on them (so it gets split 3 ways). I said no and refused and simply stated I bought my own food.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AlexWalmart on 2024-01-05 17:04:06+00:00.

I like to cook. I can't say that I can cook any complicated dishes that require a lot of effort, but I love experimenting with ordinary foods. Besides, I really like to cook according to my great-grandmother's recipes. I was very close to her as a child, so the dishes I cook from her recipes remind me of her.

But every time I cook, if my bil is around, it becomes a torture. He criticizes and ridicules everything. I shouldn't stuff the meat with fruit because in his opinion, it overpowers the flavor of the meat. I shouldn't dress salads with mayonnaise because, in his opinion, it's a plebeian dressing. Onions ruin the flavor of fried potatoes. The cheese soup has "too much cheese." I can't make desserts at all because sugar is bad. He even managed to criticize my great-grandmother's favorite recipe. First you cook the rice, then you boil the eggs, peel them, chop them and fry them together with the rice in a pan. The recipe is simple, but the food turns out VERY tasty, it was my favorite food as a child, and I always asked my great-grandmother to make me "rice and eggs". My bil called it a culinary perversion.

But if you thought that was the cause of the conflict, read a little more. The problem is that he only criticizes food while it's cooking. After the dish he so berated is cooked, he EATS MORE THEN EVERYONE. It always drove me crazy. First he says the food I cook is too plain, too plebeian, too perverted, too much mayonnaise/cheese/sugar, that he won't eat it, that I might not even offer him a taste, and then he says, "All right, I'll have a bite" and eats three times as much as all the other people.

To make a long story short, it's my birthday soon, my anniversary. My friends and I decided to have a small party and agreed that we would each cook one dish. We created a group chat on watsapp where we discussed all the details of the party preparation. My bil was also in this group chat, although I immediately felt that it was a bad idea. I was right. When we started discussing what dishes we were going to cook, he again started criticizing every, literally every dish. He criticized not only my ideas, but everyone else's as well. I could see that my friends were uncomfortable, but they didn't want to confront him. Finally, my patience broke when my bil wrote that he would certainly not try anything from our dishes, but let us calculate the portions for him as well, "So be it."

Well, that was the last straw for me. I wrote directly into the group chat, "Dear bil, since you eat more than everyone else every time, the food you said you wouldn't try, please bring your own, NORMAL dishes and eat them at the party."

I guess by his subsequent silence, I had insulted him.

My wife, who of course has also been in this chat room, says her brother can be too rude, but I have also acted unwisely.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/True-Effective-2850 on 2024-01-05 16:57:41+00:00.

I can't have kids, and it's been a thing I've dealt with my whole life. When I was in my late teens, I had this issue (not gonna get into details), and had to get both my testicles removed. Now, I've got these prosthetics and am on hormonal replacement therapy.

I generally don't openly share this as I feel it's a personal matter. The only ones who know the details are my parents and my wife. She learned about it when we started dating because I prefer to be upfront. Fortunately, she's always been very understanding. Having children was never a priority for her, and since I can't, it's worked out well for both of us.

However, since we got married, a few things have become a bit uncomfortable. The first two years were fine, but recently, it seems like a switch has flipped in the minds of people we know. Almost everyone now asks us, 'When are you gonna have kids?' We usually respond that it's not in our plans and try to steer the conversation elsewhere. However, some individuals are persistently annoying, saying things like 'Oh, but you guys need to' or 'You'll never be complete without kids.' It's starting to bother me quite a bit.

So, last week during a meeting with a couple of friends, someone brought up the topic. Admittedly, I was already having a rough day, and when they asked about us having kids, I, against my better judgment, just said, 'Well, never. I can't have kids. I'm sterile, don't even have testicles. So, if you could kindly stop bothering us about it, I'd really appreciate it."

As you can imagine, that comment really soured the mood for the entire evening. People got very upset and uncomfortable, to the point where both my wife and I decided to leave. I apologized to my wife, who seemed unbothered, claiming 'They had it coming,' but I'm aware that people in our friend group have been talking behind our backs. They say I was rude and acted like an asshole, insisting that they couldn't have known, and were just looking out for us. Now, I do feel like an asshole for the way I spoke; I could have communicated more civilly, especially for my wife's sake. She enjoys meeting our friends, and I doubt it will happen much in the near future until this blows over.

Anyhow, Reddit, AITA? Also, forgive me if the text doesn't make much sense. English isn't my native language, and I tried using one of those syntax tools, but I'm not sure if it really worked.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/True-Effective-2850 on 2024-01-05 16:57:41+00:00.

I can't have kids, and it's been a thing I've dealt with my whole life. When I was in my late teens, I had this issue (not gonna get into details), and had to get both my testicles removed. Now, I've got these prosthetics and am on hormonal replacement therapy.

I generally don't openly share this as I feel it's a personal matter. The only ones who know the details are my parents and my wife. She learned about it when we started dating because I prefer to be upfront. Fortunately, she's always been very understanding. Having children was never a priority for her, and since I can't, it's worked out well for both of us.

However, since we got married, a few things have become a bit uncomfortable. The first two years were fine, but recently, it seems like a switch has flipped in the minds of people we know. Almost everyone now asks us, 'When are you gonna have kids?' We usually respond that it's not in our plans and try to steer the conversation elsewhere. However, some individuals are persistently annoying, saying things like 'Oh, but you guys need to' or 'You'll never be complete without kids.' It's starting to bother me quite a bit.

So, last week during a meeting with a couple of friends, someone brought up the topic. Admittedly, I was already having a rough day, and when they asked about us having kids, I, against my better judgment, just said, 'Well, never. I can't have kids. I'm sterile, don't even have testicles. So, if you could kindly stop bothering us about it, I'd really appreciate it."

As you can imagine, that comment really soured the mood for the entire evening. People got very upset and uncomfortable, to the point where both my wife and I decided to leave. I apologized to my wife, who seemed unbothered, claiming 'They had it coming,' but I'm aware that people in our friend group have been talking behind our backs. They say I was rude and acted like an asshole, insisting that they couldn't have known, and were just looking out for us. Now, I do feel like an asshole for the way I spoke; I could have communicated more civilly, especially for my wife's sake. She enjoys meeting our friends, and I doubt it will happen much in the near future until this blows over.

Anyhow, Reddit, AITA? Also, forgive me if the text doesn't make much sense. English isn't my native language, and I tried using one of those syntax tools, but I'm not sure if it really worked.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/strenkle on 2024-01-05 13:01:25+00:00.

Backstory: I (28f) come from a messy divorce household. My entire life I dealt with; “this is your dads year for your birthday/Christmas/etc” to the point where HOURS were even divided up so I wasn’t with one parent longer than the other. I swore I would never put my son through the same thing. My parents still hate each other and I know if one parent is involved then the other won’t be but that ultimately is their choice to make.

Ok, here we go. My son is turning two this year and I’m planning on a small party since I know he’s not gonna remember it and I don’t want to stress myself out over a party for two year olds. I told both my parents that they will both be invited and I will hold no I’ll will should they choose not to come. It is what it is. Well, one thing I forgot is that my MIL and her sister also have the same kind of relationship. My MIL and I have NO relationship. We can be civil towards each other when necessary but that’s about it. Her sister and I, however, have an AMAZING relationship. We talk almost everyday I’ve visited her a few times and she’s come to us. So I sent the same text to both of them. Spark noting the text: “no one will be excluding from being invited to my sons birthday and I hope that we can all be adults for a couple hours for my sons sake” MiL’s sister said she could just ignore her sister but now MIL has said they will not come if she is there; which circles back to the fact that I will not have “custody” birthdays so I just said while that is unfortunate, I understand and they can come visit another time. My husband (29m) thinks that I should tell aunt to come visit another time so his parents can attend but I think it was their choice to not be apart of this celebration and that they could have just been adults for a max of 3 hours one day a year but are choosing to exclude themselves. So AITH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/strenkle on 2024-01-05 13:01:25+00:00.

Backstory: I (28f) come from a messy divorce household. My entire life I dealt with; “this is your dads year for your birthday/Christmas/etc” to the point where HOURS were even divided up so I wasn’t with one parent longer than the other. I swore I would never put my son through the same thing. My parents still hate each other and I know if one parent is involved then the other won’t be but that ultimately is their choice to make.

Ok, here we go. My son is turning two this year and I’m planning on a small party since I know he’s not gonna remember it and I don’t want to stress myself out over a party for two year olds. I told both my parents that they will both be invited and I will hold no I’ll will should they choose not to come. It is what it is. Well, one thing I forgot is that my MIL and her sister also have the same kind of relationship. My MIL and I have NO relationship. We can be civil towards each other when necessary but that’s about it. Her sister and I, however, have an AMAZING relationship. We talk almost everyday I’ve visited her a few times and she’s come to us. So I sent the same text to both of them. Spark noting the text: “no one will be excluding from being invited to my sons birthday and I hope that we can all be adults for a couple hours for my sons sake” MiL’s sister said she could just ignore her sister but now MIL has said they will not come if she is there; which circles back to the fact that I will not have “custody” birthdays so I just said while that is unfortunate, I understand and they can come visit another time. My husband (29m) thinks that I should tell aunt to come visit another time so his parents can attend but I think it was their choice to not be apart of this celebration and that they could have just been adults for a max of 3 hours one day a year but are choosing to exclude themselves. So AITH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/righteigh on 2024-01-05 22:16:41+00:00.

My sister went overseas to visit family over Christmas/new years and asked me to house sit her cats for her, and offered to pay me $200 to do so. I work in retail so that time of year is pretty full on but I said yes anyway because she’s my sister and I could really use the money

For context, she lives with my dad so someone was always going to be at the house regardless, but every afternoon after work I would go over, make sure their water is filled, make sure they had food, clean their litter trays and play with them/spend time with them. I also sent her updates and photos of the cats to show that I was actually looking after them.

During this time she also asked me if I could get her a product from work that was pretty hard to get your hands on, and she would send me the money for it. I had to call around to a bunch of different stores but I managed to get one in for her, discounted as well because I’m staff. Once she returned from overseas she immediately had a go at me for not taking good care of the cats, saying that they didn’t have any wet food (which she never mentioned), and saying that she was really upset and disappointed. I also spoke to my dad who said that she had told him that she didn’t want to pay me the $200 anymore

Now on to the title, WIBTA if I were to return the product I got transferred in for her, kept the $200 and gave her the excess money back, if she refused to pay me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Long-Cup8142 on 2024-01-05 21:27:16+00:00.

I F(20) have a stepsister F(7) that is a product of my dad's affair and he thought it would be an amazing idea to give her my name. He started forcing us to get to know each other as siblings and my mom being the traditional wife that she is let her into our home. Don’t get me wrong I don't hate the child because I understand that she's innocent in all this, I'm actually working on getting over it and learning to love and accept her, however I despise the fact that my dad decided to give her my name. I started hating my own name and didn't want to be associated with it anymore so the moment I got to college I introduced myself under a different name to everyone I met there. I got a certificate which had my new name on it and when my dad saw it he went berserk claiming that I don't like his child and I don't respect her. My mom is also angry at him for what he did especially since the name was given to me by her and not him.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/righteigh on 2024-01-05 22:16:41+00:00.

My sister went overseas to visit family over Christmas/new years and asked me to house sit her cats for her, and offered to pay me $200 to do so. I work in retail so that time of year is pretty full on but I said yes anyway because she’s my sister and I could really use the money

For context, she lives with my dad so someone was always going to be at the house regardless, but every afternoon after work I would go over, make sure their water is filled, make sure they had food, clean their litter trays and play with them/spend time with them. I also sent her updates and photos of the cats to show that I was actually looking after them.

During this time she also asked me if I could get her a product from work that was pretty hard to get your hands on, and she would send me the money for it. I had to call around to a bunch of different stores but I managed to get one in for her, discounted as well because I’m staff. Once she returned from overseas she immediately had a go at me for not taking good care of the cats, saying that they didn’t have any wet food (which she never mentioned), and saying that she was really upset and disappointed. I also spoke to my dad who said that she had told him that she didn’t want to pay me the $200 anymore

Now on to the title, WIBTA if I were to return the product I got transferred in for her, kept the $200 and gave her the excess money back, if she refused to pay me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glass_Sale_91 on 2024-01-05 18:45:12+00:00.

I [17] just recently found out that my sister [21] is pregnant, and after she told me, she said that she wants us to swap rooms because my room would be more convenient for her to have. The main reasons she wants to swap are because my room is downstairs and hers is upstairs, and she doesn’t want to have to to carry a baby up and down the stairs constantly and she wants to easily be able to take the pram into her room. My room is also closer to the kitchen, has more storage space, and has an en suite.

Her room is literally bigger than mine so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room even though she’s going to have more things to put in it, and although she doesn’t have an en suite, there’s a bathroom right beside her room so it’s not like she has to walk a mile for a bathroom or anything.

But the main reason I don’t want to swap is because my room has just been freshly painted and had new flooring put in so I don’t want to just change rooms and have it basically been done for nothing, and I told her that and she said it was selfish of me to not want to give her my room, which is hypocritical because I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago and she said no but now that she wants mine, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her. She started going on about how I have no idea how hard it’s going to be for her and a bunch of other stuff to try and make me feel bad, but I basically told her I don’t care how much she asks for it I’m not swapping.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Long-Cup8142 on 2024-01-05 21:27:16+00:00.

I F(20) have a stepsister F(7) that is a product of my dad's affair and he thought it would be an amazing idea to give her my name. He started forcing us to get to know each other as siblings and my mom being the traditional wife that she is let her into our home. Don’t get me wrong I don't hate the child because I understand that she's innocent in all this, I'm actually working on getting over it and learning to love and accept her, however I despise the fact that my dad decided to give her my name. I started hating my own name and didn't want to be associated with it anymore so the moment I got to college I introduced myself under a different name to everyone I met there. I got a certificate which had my new name on it and when my dad saw it he went berserk claiming that I don't like his child and I don't respect her. My mom is also angry at him for what he did especially since the name was given to me by her and not him.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Loud-Hat-7815 on 2024-01-05 18:11:32+00:00.

I'm getting a lot of mixed signals and could really use an outside opinion.

I (22f) was abandoned at the hospital shortly after being born. I wasn't able to be adopted right away because I had some health problems, and ended up being placed in a temporary group home until I was three and able to properly be thrown into the system. I've bounced around from one family to another since then. I was almost adopted once, but that fell through and I was moved again. I've been out of the system and on my own for a few years now. I know I'm lucky compared to a lot of foster kids. I got a part time job at 17 and was able to save enough that I didn't end up on the streets when the time came and I aged out. I lived out of a cheap, shitty motel for a while, but this past year I got a better, full time job and finally got my first apartment. It's not amazing, but it's mine. I feel like I'm really starting to get my life together. But then I got a call.

The call was from a private investigator who was looking for me on behalf of my birth mother. He asked a bunch of questions and everything lined up with my story. In his words, my mother had been looking for me for several years, but since I was moved around so much it was hard to find me. She wanted to meet me. I didn't know what to say. It still doesn't feel real sometimes. But, here's where I might be the asshole. I told him no. I didn't want to see her. I had a lot of emotions going through my mind, not the least of which was anger. I told him I wouldn't meet the woman that abandoned me. That she made a choice and doesn't get to just take it back. He seemed to understand I was upset and gave me a number to contact him if I changed my mind.

Some of my friends I told this to think I'm being too harsh. That if nothing else I should hear her out for my own closure, but I just can't do it. Maybe she did have a reason for why she left me, but I don't think I want to know it. For now, I just want to focus on me. Others agree that I have no obligation to meet her, and shouldn't force myself for someone I don't even know. It's been about a month and a half since that call. I'm still not sure if I made the right choice or not.

Should I have agreed to meet my mother? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glass_Sale_91 on 2024-01-05 18:45:12+00:00.

I [17] just recently found out that my sister [21] is pregnant, and after she told me, she said that she wants us to swap rooms because my room would be more convenient for her to have. The main reasons she wants to swap are because my room is downstairs and hers is upstairs, and she doesn’t want to have to to carry a baby up and down the stairs constantly and she wants to easily be able to take the pram into her room. My room is also closer to the kitchen, has more storage space, and has an en suite.

Her room is literally bigger than mine so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room even though she’s going to have more things to put in it, and although she doesn’t have an en suite, there’s a bathroom right beside her room so it’s not like she has to walk a mile for a bathroom or anything.

But the main reason I don’t want to swap is because my room has just been freshly painted and had new flooring put in so I don’t want to just change rooms and have it basically been done for nothing, and I told her that and she said it was selfish of me to not want to give her my room, which is hypocritical because I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago and she said no but now that she wants mine, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her. She started going on about how I have no idea how hard it’s going to be for her and a bunch of other stuff to try and make me feel bad, but I basically told her I don’t care how much she asks for it I’m not swapping.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HungryEye3080 on 2024-01-05 18:09:40+00:00.

My parents divorced about 3 years ago and told me and my siblings about it 4ish years ago. I (16M) was livid at the time because they told us they were divorcing and then told me I needed to step up and do more than I had been up to that point since I was the oldest. I was already doing more than any kid should be for their siblings. They left me in charge far too often and even overnights. I went to my grandparents (paternal) and told them everything and they reported it to CPS and CPS agreed that I should be removed from the home but not my siblings since technically, they would be taken care of. It was me who was at risk. My grandparents got custody of me and kept custody. My relationship with my parents was almost non existent after this.

Both my parents got remarried in the past year. My dad now has a bunch of stepkids. My mom has two stepkids and her husband's nephew who he has custody of.

Apparently neither of my parents is finding it easy to have more kids and figure out childcare and other day to day stuff with so many kids. Their solution to this was to ask me separately to "do more" and "be part of their family again". My mom told me I had been such a good big brother and babysitter for my siblings and I should be like that with these "new siblings" and I haven't even met them or interacted with them and it's so sad. She told me I was missing out. My dad told me he needs help and I am his kid even if the courts and CPS decided he didn't get to have me. He said I should do what I am told. He also said I am acting like a spoiled brat who doesn't realize how good I had it. I told both my parents no.

They ended up teaming up to "confront me" on the topic and said I need to embrace that my family has grown. I told them my family only shrinks as time goes on and their new families are nothing to do with me and I am not and never will be part of them. My parents said they would fight the courts and try to regain custody of me and I better get used to the idea of being more involved and "pulling my weight again". I told them to go to fucking hell and that I would rather be homeless than go back to them or pretend to give a shit about their new families.

They got so angry and my grandparents kicked them out of the house and documented the incident for the social worker, because that visit went so badly and it worked against my parents. They told my grandparents I should be punished for talking to them that way. They said no matter what I was rude and disrespectful.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Ice_4230 on 2024-01-05 17:06:15+00:00.

I'm not sure what crawled up my MILs ass but her and I got along so well before I got pregnant. She called me her daughter, came over to see me all the time, called me randomly to just talk, told me she loves me all the time, etc. But after I got pregnant, something switched in her. She stopped calling. She never said "I love you" back when I said it. She only came over to see my husband and 9 times out of 10, it was trying to get him out of the house to go with her. Barely gives me a hello/goodbye in passing. She even tried staying in the labor and delivery room after she was already told no because "her baby needs support", and clung to my husbands arm- several times trying to get him to go sit on the couch with her instead of standing by me where he was (she was kicked out by nurses).

Since I had my daughter 3 months ago she has come over a good 10-15 times and has literally only held my kid twice. She just follows my husband around everywhere and still tries to get him to leave with her to go do chores/tasks for her (changing tires, changing oil, fixing her computer, moving around her house, etc etc etc). And honestly none of that bothers me nearly as much as her comments about how my daughter looks nothing like me and looks exactly like HER and my husband. For a bit of context, my husband looks nothing like his mom. He is a spitting image of his father. His mom is short, blonde, brown eyes. He is super tall, black hair, green eyes. You can't tell they are related at all. But she insists my daughter looks just like her and my husband and nothing like me. She's made these comments more times than I can count and I just give a "yeah okay Becky" and leave it.

But yesterday I hosted a dinner for the family and obviously invited her. She shows up with a scrapbook album with a bunch of photos of her and my husband from birth to present. She was showing/telling everyone who would listen that my daughter was "basically not even mine if you go off of looks". My husband spoke up a few times with a clipped "she actually looks just like my wife" but his mom didn't acknowledge him. But then she got to my mom and my mom, being a "no bullshit" woman, said "Are you blind or are you just being ignorant? That girl looks just like my daughter and nothing like you. Kinda weird to me that you are desperately pushing the narrative that the baby looks like your son AND you considering your son looks nothing like you either." No one in the house said anything but a few of them were chuckling. My husband also didn't say anything but he looked more like a deer in headlights than anything. My MIL then left. She group texted my husband and I later on saying she will never forgive us for not defending her against my mom "making a scene and embarrassing her in front of everyone." I don't feel bad. My husband does. AITA?

ETA: She has 4 kids. My husband is the youngest (he's 27). Her two daughters have 1 child each, both 12yo girls. Her other son has 5 kids. She takes her daughters kids once a month. She has never made a conscious effort with any of her other sons kids, outside of his oldest (9f). She doesn't act like this with her other kids at all. She acts uninterested all together. Ages: (not sure if it's relevant) MIL is 61. My mom is 44. My husband and I are both 27.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Loud-Hat-7815 on 2024-01-05 18:11:32+00:00.

I'm getting a lot of mixed signals and could really use an outside opinion.

I (22f) was abandoned at the hospital shortly after being born. I wasn't able to be adopted right away because I had some health problems, and ended up being placed in a temporary group home until I was three and able to properly be thrown into the system. I've bounced around from one family to another since then. I was almost adopted once, but that fell through and I was moved again. I've been out of the system and on my own for a few years now. I know I'm lucky compared to a lot of foster kids. I got a part time job at 17 and was able to save enough that I didn't end up on the streets when the time came and I aged out. I lived out of a cheap, shitty motel for a while, but this past year I got a better, full time job and finally got my first apartment. It's not amazing, but it's mine. I feel like I'm really starting to get my life together. But then I got a call.

The call was from a private investigator who was looking for me on behalf of my birth mother. He asked a bunch of questions and everything lined up with my story. In his words, my mother had been looking for me for several years, but since I was moved around so much it was hard to find me. She wanted to meet me. I didn't know what to say. It still doesn't feel real sometimes. But, here's where I might be the asshole. I told him no. I didn't want to see her. I had a lot of emotions going through my mind, not the least of which was anger. I told him I wouldn't meet the woman that abandoned me. That she made a choice and doesn't get to just take it back. He seemed to understand I was upset and gave me a number to contact him if I changed my mind.

Some of my friends I told this to think I'm being too harsh. That if nothing else I should hear her out for my own closure, but I just can't do it. Maybe she did have a reason for why she left me, but I don't think I want to know it. For now, I just want to focus on me. Others agree that I have no obligation to meet her, and shouldn't force myself for someone I don't even know. It's been about a month and a half since that call. I'm still not sure if I made the right choice or not.

Should I have agreed to meet my mother? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HungryEye3080 on 2024-01-05 18:09:40+00:00.

My parents divorced about 3 years ago and told me and my siblings about it 4ish years ago. I (16M) was livid at the time because they told us they were divorcing and then told me I needed to step up and do more than I had been up to that point since I was the oldest. I was already doing more than any kid should be for their siblings. They left me in charge far too often and even overnights. I went to my grandparents (paternal) and told them everything and they reported it to CPS and CPS agreed that I should be removed from the home but not my siblings since technically, they would be taken care of. It was me who was at risk. My grandparents got custody of me and kept custody. My relationship with my parents was almost non existent after this.

Both my parents got remarried in the past year. My dad now has a bunch of stepkids. My mom has two stepkids and her husband's nephew who he has custody of.

Apparently neither of my parents is finding it easy to have more kids and figure out childcare and other day to day stuff with so many kids. Their solution to this was to ask me separately to "do more" and "be part of their family again". My mom told me I had been such a good big brother and babysitter for my siblings and I should be like that with these "new siblings" and I haven't even met them or interacted with them and it's so sad. She told me I was missing out. My dad told me he needs help and I am his kid even if the courts and CPS decided he didn't get to have me. He said I should do what I am told. He also said I am acting like a spoiled brat who doesn't realize how good I had it. I told both my parents no.

They ended up teaming up to "confront me" on the topic and said I need to embrace that my family has grown. I told them my family only shrinks as time goes on and their new families are nothing to do with me and I am not and never will be part of them. My parents said they would fight the courts and try to regain custody of me and I better get used to the idea of being more involved and "pulling my weight again". I told them to go to fucking hell and that I would rather be homeless than go back to them or pretend to give a shit about their new families.

They got so angry and my grandparents kicked them out of the house and documented the incident for the social worker, because that visit went so badly and it worked against my parents. They told my grandparents I should be punished for talking to them that way. They said no matter what I was rude and disrespectful.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/shakannla on 2024-01-05 20:32:44+00:00.

My friends and I have been planning on going on a girls holiday for about two years now. We've never had the funds or time, but doing it this summer seemed ideal. To be clear, we haven't booked/ looked at anything yet, we've just kept a week in july free in advance. I honestly thought we wouldn't go through with it at first, because that's what happened the past few years.

This september we all started our higher education. I'm in uni, and my friends are in what is called university of applied sciences. The workload is less, and the courses you follow are a lot more practical. instead of theoretical. It is more directly job-oriented.

Fast forward to today, the topic came up, and I messaged our groupchat that I would not going with them on holiday if I have to retake more than 1 exam during the summer. I have a bad feeling about my upcoming exams this month. I am mostly to blame for this. I didn't take school seriously enough during the first semester and now I'm facing the consequences of my choices. I've also had a hard time mentally adjusting to everything (the workload, my dorm situation etc..)

When I announced this, they seemed to be irritated. They simply couldn't accept the fact that I didn't want to go on holiday, and that I wanted to prioritize my school. I just said that I think it's hypocritical to go on holiday for an entire week, while my parents are paying thousands so I could have my degree. My parents have high expectations of me. My dad moved from the other side of the world to here, got his PhD all while learning my native language all by himself. My older siblings both didn't succeed (well) in their university courses, so I'm determined to make them proud.

I just think they don't understand my situation. They are very laid-back... Mostly because they have less school work to do, and they only have 3 years to study until they get their degree. I just don't think I'm in a position to be doing all of this... this doesn't mean I won't hang out with them during the summer though! I just think a week abroad is too much. Besides, I would have to work during my second semester to pay for all of it, which equals to less study time which could equal to even more potentially failed exams that I'd have to retake during the summer.

TLDR; All my friends want to do is have a hot girl summer abroad... but how can I even think about a hot girl summer while I'm failing my studies?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Travelfool_214 on 2024-01-05 20:30:23+00:00.

My spouse started a furniture company with one of our best friends. I told them both from the beginning that I was reluctant about it. Friends and business usually don't mix. But they did it anyway. They are both creative types and did not bother with any sort of formal contract beyond the normal formation paperwork for a partnership LLC. And of course, after nine months, they parted ways.

During the course of the business, our friend and his spouse purchased approximately $20,000 worth of furniture to put into the business inventory on their personal card. My spouse purchased approximately $5000 worth of furniture on his personal card and likewise put it into the business inventory.

Once they decided to end the partnership, my spouse and I paid our lawyer $2,500 to draw up the contracts to sell my spouse’s 50% ownership interest to the friend. The consideration was only $500, the lowest amount our lawyer felt that would be deemed acceptable for such a transaction legally speaking.

In an effort to preserve the friendship, we offered to let the friend keep all of the furniture (including the $5,000 that we’d purchased). We also offered to pay for all the legal fees in addition to all of the CPA fees (another $2,500) and all of the entity formation fees (~$1,300). So, in total, we lost $11,300 on the whole thing, less the $500 the friend paid us... a net loss of $10,800.

We thought that the friend and their spouse would be over the moon, but instead they now clearly seem resentful. I spoke to the friend's spouse this morning and they seem to think that we should have paid for half of the $20,000 in furniture that they put in to the business. Even though they are keeping all $25,000 worth of furniture, which they can now sell and keep 100% of the profit. But they don’t seem to grasp that if we'd done that, they’d owe all that money right back to us, or half of the furniture itself.

I don’t seem to be able to explain this in a way that either one of them can understand. They are just angry, and the once close friendship now seems decidedly over.

Added to all this, while the business was ongoing, the friend paid himself distributions from the corporate bank account from the sales of some furniture without informing my spouse, which at the time constituted fraud in our state. Of course, they have no idea about this because we haven’t ever brought it up. My spouse never took a dime in distributions, nor incurred a penny in personal expenditures from the business the whole time.

We don’t think these two are bad people, we just think that they’re incredibly stupid. But maybe I’m just not seeing this the right way? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bubba_Feetz on 2024-01-05 20:26:58+00:00.

I’ll try and make this as short as possible. My mother had a severe stroke yesterday morning and is currently in the hospital, intubated, sedated, and awaiting surgery. My sister and I were with her all day yesterday to make sure she was okay.

Our Aunt drove from out of state to come and see her but stopped along the way to pick up her boyfriend. We have no idea who this man is. According to my aunt, they all went to high school together. That was over 30 years ago. The three of them talk on the phone occasionally but my mothers fiancé doesn’t even know his name.

By the time they arrived, I had already headed home for the night. Apparently, this guy was very rude to my sister and gave off a very weird vibe, a vibe that was also picked up on by my mother‘s fiancé. Upon hearing this, I contacted the hospital and told them that we do not want this man in our mother‘s room.

This infuriated my aunt to no end. She doesn’t seem to think that it’s inappropriate to let, what is essentially a stranger, see her sister in that state. She caused a scene with the rest of the family and her boyfriend ended up leaving the state. She began berating me and calling me an asshole for pushing her emotional support away, calling me a child.

Up until yesterday, I had not been on speaking terms with my mother due to a lot of trauma and abuse that she put me through when I was young. She made sure to bring up this point, without being fully aware of my exact reasons.

This is a really hard time for my sister and I and the last thing we need is some stranger there right now. So Reddit, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/purplsbutterflies on 2024-01-05 20:26:24+00:00.

i am 17f my sister is 13, my cousin is 16f and my little cousin is 10f. to give some context, my sister, cousin and i all live in the same country where my little cousin does not, but we still see each other 3-5 times a year for at least a week each time and we are all very close. my little cousin is very energetic and very talkative, and likes to hangout with us a lot. my problem is that she has ZERO filter. she says literally whatever she is thinking, and it can get inappropriate/uncomfortable at times. when she was smaller i would just kind of ignore it, but i think she is at the age now where i can reason with her a bit. she also thinks it’s okay to touch us inappropriately/walk in on us changing just because we are family. another slight issue i have is that she is so quick to judge us but she also does the same things. for example, she gets really upset when we go on our phones but when she is on her ipad, nothing else matters and we we point it out, we are the “mean” ones. i have asked her nicely for privacy and not to touch me/comment on me inappropriately but not much changed. where i may be the asshole is that i have been a bit more harsh when i confront her about these things. for example, when she would touch me i would just say “don’t touch me there” or if she were to walk in on me i’d say “can you knock?” my family thinks i am being a bit too mean to her since she is only 10 years old but it seems to be the only way to get her to stop doing these things.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SurroundPerfect9471 on 2024-01-05 20:26:00+00:00.

My (19m) parents have started letting my little bro (11m) sit in the front seat of their cars now that he's tall enough to ride with just seat belts, no booster. But I was taught in drivers ed that kids have to be 13 to sit in front no matter what, and I don't want to risk it, so I told him he still has to ride in the back with me. I'm not trying to be a dick about it, just want to keep the fucking kid safe. He points out that I sat in the front before I was 13, which is true, but that's before we knew everything about airbags and shit, and my parents obviously aren't enforcing the rules even now.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bl-ues on 2024-01-05 20:18:33+00:00.

I (24F) have an amazing, 2-year old dog, Tully. She is well trained and a total sweetheart. She is also very active-- her DNA results found that whippet and border collie as top breeds. As we live in a city, the past couple of months have been difficult due to the respiratory illness spreading amongst dogs. Tully needs 3 hours of outdoor exercise a day (1 hr walk in the morning & evening and 1 hr trip to the dog park). I have been training for a half-marathon and have tried to replace the dog park with jogs, but Tully truly needs to be able to RUN (she can hit 30mph). It led to some irritability in her; she became reactive to squirrels and other critters on walks, trying to dart at them.

I decided that instead of keeping her from the dog park completely, I would instead take her at odd times when no other dogs are present. She's back to going to the dog park every day and has calmed down as a result. Today, we went when it's usually empty to find it full of dogs, but I got an idea to take her to the public, gated tennis court. There are two gated courts, each with two nets. None were being used.

It's not well kempt; the ground is made of concrete with hundreds of cracks in it and the paint is so faded you can barely tell green from red. So I took her in and played fetch with her for about 10 minutes. I figured no harm, no foul. She already pooped and peed and her nails are trim and couldn't do any damage to concrete. But as we were playing, a woman came over and started yelling at me, saying "GET YOUR F***ING DOG OFF OF THE COURT." I was surprised and said "Excuse me?" She kept going, cursing and yelling, saying that she was sick of dog owners thinking they could do whatever they wanted and that she didn't want to be surrounded by dog shit everywhere she went. If she had respectfully asked me to leave, I probably would have, but her aggression took me off guard and made me defensive. I told her "We'll only be here five more minutes. Leave us alone." In response, she flung the gates open, clicked her tongue at Tully, and said "Get out," trying to get her to run out of the court. I immediately called Tully over and had her sit and stay between my legs. I really lost it, yelling at her "WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU! You're trying to get my dog killed?!" ect. She finally walked away huffing.

I know dog owners have gotten more brazen about taking their dogs places they don't belong, and I try to be a respectful dog owner by always picking up after Tully and not taking her where she could be disruptive. But truthfully, I don't feel like I did anything wrong here. No one who uses the court after we left will have any idea we were there, and I don't plan on taking her back or making this a habit. So, reddit, let me know-- am I the asshole?

BTW-- this woman was not holding a racket and was alone, so clearly had no interest in playing tennis. Instead she wanted to take all of her anger toward dogs and their owners out on me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Beautiful_Oven_3125 on 2024-01-05 20:16:26+00:00.

I (19f) have been in college as a freshman since early August. My boyfriend (20m) has repeatedly said he will come visit me in my dorm and when I ask when that will happen he says “soon.” It’s now january and he hasn’t came to visit me one time, and i’ve pretty much given up on asking him since he gets angry with me, saying it’ll happen. He has been telling me it will happen since July.

Me and my roommate do not get along, and i don’t plan on having her and my bf meet. I can see why he wouldn’t want to come visit because she could be there, but i have expressed that she goes out of town several times a month for a day or two and he could visit me then.

My bf works a full time job and tells me he can’t visit me because his family needs his help over the weekends. While this is sometimes true, many times I end up going over to his house (2 hours away) and we don’t do anything all weekend. I just don’t understand why he acts so busy just to lay in bed all day at his house. Occasionally he does help his family, but sometimes he will make the excuse just to not do anything all weekend.

I am also planning on transferring next year and I have told him this. The college that I am planning to transfer he dislikes, saying “only assholes and idiots go there”. I told him that it’s a well respected college, with many alumni in my close family, and I wasn’t going to let his opinion change my education. He then went on to say he wouldn’t be visiting me at all after transferring because he hated the school so much.

AITA?