Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Kindly-Cartoonist-29 on 2024-01-05 20:12:46+00:00.

My husband and I got married 3 years ago and now have a 2 month old daughter. We were best friends for 6 years prior to this. He has a 12yo daughter with his ex and she's honestly great. I love everything about that girl, outside of her shower usage.

So.. she showers twice a day. Once before school and once around 5pm. She stays in there for 45 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes every single time. Our hot water is electric and her shower usage has raised our bill to nearly $600 a month for the past 4 months. Whenever I talk to her dad about it, I'm met with a "it's something we have to get used to because I'm not going to tell her she can't shower". She uses all the hot water, and considers she showers around dinner time and the kitchen sink affects the temperature of the shower, she's constantly screaming out of the bathroom to turn off the kitchen sink when I'm literally trying to cook and need the water to do so. I've told her several times to not use the shower during the hours of 4p-6p so I can cook/do dishes but she always claims to "forget" or gets extremely pissed off and causes a bunch of tension in the house because she "feels gross" and needs a shower right that minute. I'm starting to grow resentful because there have been several times I have attempted to bathe our daughter/bathe myself or do the dishes and there's been no hot water. My husband also takes two showers a day. Once before work and once immediately following work. He comes home at 6. He also complains because when he gets home there's no hot water but he never says anything to his daughter.

But recently they cut my husband's hours down to half the time he usually had because the company is threatening to go under so the financial responsibilities have been 80% on my shoulders (I own my own business). It used to be 50/50. I told him that since I'm now paying significantly more than he is, I refuse to pay this much for electric and him and his daughter both will be limited to one shower a day, for no more than a half hour. I told his daughter this as well. Both are calling me controlling and have disregarded everything I said and still shower twice a day for 45+ minutes. So I left and told them to figure out how to pay for everything. I'm currently staying at my mom's with the baby. He says I'm an AH because I just left them in a trying time all because I want to "control" their showering. That's not it at all. They are financially ruining me and I'm not putting up with it anymore. I literally have maybe $200 a month after I pay all the bills and a baby that needs diapers. This is gross but I've literally only been able to shower twice without the baby since I had her because of them. I either bathe her or bathe myself thoroughly and I need to bathe the baby because she's super chunky and gets stuff trapped in the rolls and gets rashes.

ETA: this wasn't a normal until recently. Step daughter moved in with us in September for school because her mom moved out of district and she wanted to stay in the same school. So this is all new to me. My husband always showered twice a day but the bill was still significantly less because his showers usually don't exceed 20 minutes.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sterling_bby on 2024-01-05 20:07:40+00:00.

Context: my boyfriend & is live in the same city but on opposite sides. I go to his house most weekends w my daughter and we stay most holidays at his place. I’m basically only at my apartment on school nights. We intend to move in together once my daughter finishes this school year.

For my daughter’s winter break we discussed that we would stay the full break, thru Jan 9th. Yesterday, Jan 4, my boyfriend was asked by his family (most of which were already in Cabo) if they paid for his ticket would he come on the trip. He immediately said yes.

When I found out my feelings were extremely hurt. From my point of view he just completely went back on his commitment for me and my daughter to stay at his place thru her break. He told me to just stay at his house while he was gone & even implied that he would need help watching his dogs. I feel strongly that his assumption I would stay & watch his dogs is inconsiderate but I’m also hurt that he basically ditched me and my daughter for a free trip to Cabo.

He’s made several statements that he can’t believe I’m not happy for him. So AITA for not being happy that the trip is free even though his choice caused me & my daughter emotional pain?

Edit: I’ve been told in the comments that I should add I was given no prior warning to this trip. I arrived at his place after work to find him packing. I was given 2 options. Go home, or stay and watch his dogs.

I think it’s also important to know that we work together. He spoke with me on several occasions at work and never said a word about this trip.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/forhisglory85 on 2024-01-05 20:07:24+00:00.

Story, I bought for my mom and myself Christmas trees from Costco. I gave hers to her as a gift. Turns out not only mine was defective (lights would turn on randomely), but she claims hers was as well. We had already decorated them and I figured I'd just return them after taking them down, which I did.

My mom, who I love dearly and always try my best to help and support when I can, assumed she would be keeping the money from the refunded tree I gifted. I got upset because I didn't appreciate her assuming that. I told her I had bought the gift and it was with my own money.

What upset me the most was the assumption. I felt like if she would of asked, "Hey could I hold on to that refund?", I wouldn't have had much of an issue. But it was this assumption and sense of entitlement to the money that to me felt like it was out of left field. What do yall think? Did I overact, or in the wrong for believing I should receive the refund for the gift I bought her? Thanks.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/C0l0rBlue on 2024-01-05 20:05:38+00:00.

I(23f) was very busy in December with work and made it very clear to my family I may not even make it for Christmas nor New Years at my parents' house. My mom's birthday is December 30th so I assumed she would know I wouldn't make it for her birthday either but I told her I'd get her a card and mail it to her if I couldnt do it in person. She said okay and that was that. Well her birthday was Saturday and I wasn't available as I had mentioned WEEKS in advance. She called me at noon and asked why I wasn't there so I calmly reminded her I was busy with work but I wished her a happy birthday. She got mad at me for being too busy with work to come and celebrate, but the thing is that when I was growing up they just wished me a happy birthday and went on with their day so I didn't understand why it was so important now. She went off on me of how I never cared and how I hated her. I told her that if she thinks I hate her so much I won't get her a card either. I said I was busy and hung up. I'm now getting many calls and texts from my family who are taking my mom's side saying I should apologize and that I could have taken her birthday off to celebrate with her. But i couldnt take the day off because we were short staffed, and I wasn't going to just not show up. I don't know what to do, the whole family is taking my mom's side so, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/li_li_li13 on 2024-01-05 20:05:37+00:00.

For the past few years, my parent in laws have taken us kids (Husband, myself, our son (2 YO), my SIL and her boyfriend) on an annual vacation. My SIL and her boyfriend have never contributed financially to this vacation however my husband and I do.

SIL and boyfriend missed this past year because they welcomed a new baby to their family and they have 2 very untrained bully breed dogs. The dogs have yet to be allowed to come on vacation so prior to this past year, they have sot out someone to watch the dogs.

I want to mention, these dogs are very untrained. They have bit me, tried to attack my son which led to him being terrified of them (thankfully they were in crates at the time so it was just loud barking) and they uncontrollably jump at you when excited if not in the cages. SIL has made it clear they are her first babies and since their actual baby was born, she says the dogs have calmed down… we won’t risk going over there after previous encounters.

We are currently planning our next annual trip, I am due with our next child so we will be expanding our trip two additional children.

My MIL suggested that we rent a bigger house with 3 bedrooms and a walk out basement so my SIL and BF could come with the dogs and their child. The problem being is that MIL and FIL always get the biggest room and ensuit which for them has been a non negotiable, SIL with her dogs, bf and baby will get the entire downstairs, so my husband and I with 2 kids under 2YO will get whatever room is left for the 4 of us to cram in to.

When this was brought up, I was shocked at the suggestion especially considering my husband and I have been the ones to contribute in the past financially.

I made the suggestion that our portion of the family (hubs and kids) will find our own place to stay because we don’t want to vacation with the dogs or be crammed in a small room. Well… MIL was not happy about that and said SIL has had to compromise and miss out before and the dogs shouldn’t be a problem or reason for us not to stay together. That what’s the point of even planning it if we won’t stay with them? She is pissed at me and thinks I’m being a judgemental jerk to my SIL.

My husband supports my reasons thank goodness but I know he is concerned the vacation won’t happen unless I cave.

AITA for suggesting we stay in separate accommodations?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/crossed-criss on 2024-01-05 20:02:45+00:00.

This morning I made food for everyone in the house (at about 9 am) , and when I was done cooking I announced that the food was done so I dished food for my mother and I and went to eat. Fast forward to 9pm I went to finish the last bit left in the pot when my father comes downstairs to the kitchen and starts complaining that he only ate once today , and that the last bit of the food was his, even tho the food had been sitting there for hours and he didn't take any actions towards eat it. So I was going to eat it because if I didn't it would have sit in the fridge for days only to be thrown out, and I get that he didn't eat in the morning but i feel like it's not my job to feed a grown ass man who is perfectly capable of looking after himself

So AITA for eating the last bit of food I made

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NumbersAreEverything on 2024-01-05 19:56:48+00:00.

This April my (19) girlfriends (20) family are going to Boston on a roadtrip. They’re leaving on April 8, which happens to be the same day as the solar eclipse this year. Her family invited me, and she has been really upset with me since I told her I couldn’t go due to a trip I have planned for the eclipse. My friend goes to a college that’s in the path of totality and I’ve had this plan to visit him and see the total eclipse since last year. My girlfriend and I talked about it and she used to send me videos about the event all the time because she knew I was excited. However now that her family has a trip planned she keeps saying I’m an asshole and that I’m blowing her family off to party with my friends. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Positively_Negative1 on 2024-01-05 19:56:30+00:00.

I(15f)have three friends, Amy(12f)Evie(11f)and the main person in the story, Lilly(12f).

I decided to invite them over to our house, just for fun, and then later we would go to church and make gingerbread houses for an event they were holding there. We decided to put makeup on each other for some reason, but the whole time Lilly was saying "Evie that looks terrible" "Evie you're doing it wrong" etc. My sister who Evie was doing looked fine. I told Lily that that wasn't very nice and the other girls agreed with me, then Lilly said "I'm just being honest" I told Lilly that sometimes honesty wasn't the way to go, and the other girls agreed again and Lilly was silent.

My whole family is Catholic and so are my friends. We go to church regularly and I've seen my friends at church multiple times. At our church, no one speaks but the priest, and the people that are reading from the bible, and then there are multiple songs throughout that everyone can join in at. But the girls could not stop talking. I don’t understand it, I couldn’t shut them up, sometimes they weren’t even whispering, I kept being like, “Shhhhh” and putting my finger over my mouth but trying to be nice about it.

Then at the gingerbread house making, the girls changed into sweaters because they wanted to be Christmassy, which is fine except we were doing the gingerbread house making at our church and they had their sweaters hanging off one side of their shoulder showing their bra strap, I told them that they should pick up their sweaters a bit because we are still in church and it was extremely disrespectful in our religion. They started joking around and started twisting and plucking their bra straps. I was so upset that I just left them and decided to help my mom. After helping my mom the girls came over, still with their bra straps showing. I again told them they should not be doing that and then Lilly said “But I can’t help it see” She touches her sweater and it does nothing obviously and then I said “see” and picked up her sweater and placed it on her shoulders, then I walked away. There was more but I can’t type the rest or it will be to long, sorry if this was confusing and hard to read too.

I’m feeling bad about touching her sweater and stuff and I think I should have been a better host she may not have been having fun and was bored or something, but she was being so disrespectful and rude at church really was mean to Evie, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/magnema_ on 2024-01-05 19:50:07+00:00.

Hello I'm 19m and my single mother is 36 I go to university and my mother can't handle the cost of it I told her that I could get out of university and work to handle my expenses and slightly help her but she insists that I should continue with my education I can't work and go to university at the same time because the time of my classes interfere with work I live with my mother because it's forbidden in my country to move out before you get married and if it was not forbidden I couldn't afford it I'm feeling depressed because I want my mother to live her life and don't have to worry about me but at the same time, I don't want to disappoint her by getting out of university. There's an army enlistment in my country for 2 years and it pays and gives you a place to live and it's mandatory but because I'm attending university I get a pass I was thinking I could go there and let my mother live her life for at least 2 years I know it's not a long time but I feel the burden of me would drop from her shoulders I feel she can live better if I'm not there in her life I don't want my mom to ask for money from people to pay for my university and I don't know why she wouldn't let me drop out of university Please share your advice I greatly appreciate it

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Longjumping_Board_59 on 2024-01-05 19:39:00+00:00.

I (17f) am in high school. My school gives us a week long extension to winter break to do an assigned project. It was monday of that extension and i was not quite ready to get out of the break mindset. So, in short, i had a lazy day. My mom called from work in the middle of the day and asked if i had gotten any of my project done. I had already read half of the assigned book in the previous week, so i told her no, i was planning on doing it that night. She got frustrated and told me to read some of it right then, so i did, and went back to my peaceful day.

Cut to that evening. My mom gets home from work and the first thing she does is yell at me from the kitchen about the very few dishes that were in the sink. I don’t know why, that day particularly, this got to me, but it made me upset that she didn’t even think to say hello before yelling at me. I got upset and somewhat teary eyed.

My mom comes out of the kitchen and sees this in me. She proceeds to ASK ME what is wrong. I tell her that it upset me that the first thing she did was yell when she walked in the door. Cue an hour of screaming. She goes on to scream at me about how I had done nothing all day and i should be expected to do chores without being told. She told me that I was guilt tripping HER for raising her voice after she had been at work all day and i had done nothing but “sit on my lazy ass” all day.

Of course all of this made me very upset, and i broke down in tears. She then continued to say that i was just guilt tripping her. LET ME REMIND YOU that she ASKED ME why i was upset. At this point i was having a nervous breakdown so i sat down on the floor because the weight was just too much for me to bear.

this was the point where she started mocking me. She flew herself onto the floor and started mock screaming. i could not stop my crying by this point. she continued to yell at me and say the same things over and over, for around an hour.

eventually my moms mad torrent ended and i just did the fucking dishes since she asked me to. i do the dishes every fucking time she asks, but my neurodivergence makes it difficult to do things without being told explicitly. of course, my mom doesn’t believe that i am neurodivergent and refuses to take me to get tested, but that’s another story.

I receded up to my room afterwards, and the next day i did work around the house and took care of my dog all day, whilst my brother played fortnite ALL DAY. NO JOKE. I even finished my entire project in one day. My mom came home that day and seemed to have forgotten the entire thing that had happened that night.

It is the friday of that same week when i am posting and my mom has never mentioned the whole thing a single time. I, on the other hand, have been in a somewhat depressive state, crying myself to sleep every night, and taking care of my dog while my brother has non stop played fortnite for three days straight.

am i an asshole for being upset that i was yelled at first thing when i saw my mom?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Icy_Salt_ on 2024-01-05 19:38:52+00:00.

I (17F) and my boyfriend (17M) have been going for a year and a month. He’s been my best friend since 6th grade. For about two years he had hinted towards me that he liked me. I’m fairly intelligent but relationship dumb so I never picked up on it. He asked me out multiple times indirectly but I never picked up until he directly asked me. I’m truly in love with him and I thought he was too. That was until two nights ago. We were on FaceTime talking when he dropped a bomb shell on me.He told me that he wasn’t sure how he was feeling about us. He couldn’t tell if he truly loved me or not and believed he wasn’t putting 100% in our relationship. He said he was scared to leave me. He proceeded to tell me that he was pushing me away because he’s scared I’ll be taken away from him.

I have some chronic illnesses and multiple other medical issues. One is a compromised immune system which makes me vulnerable to illnesses. Recently I’ve been down and out with the stomach bug, making me very ill. I explained to him that I loved him and even if I was, I’d always be with him. I wanted to know if he wanted to break up or not but he couldn’t give me a direct answer. Our long conversation ended with both of us crying. The next night, he brought up the same thing except with more reasons. He said he talked to his family members and they all said the same thing, we’re just teens. His dad was upset that he considered leaving something that he’s genuinely happy in. He had me crying for an hour to the point I was physically sick. I explained to him that if he was unhappy, I was willing to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to, but I don’t want him in a relationship he is unhappy with.Soon after he hung up on me. After he hung up on me, he went for a walk with his sister and they talked. When he came back in. His mom confronted him and told him to stop playing with my emotions. If he’s going to break up with me, then he needs to rather than slowly breaking away at me. This is based off what he told me.

Then after talking he told me he was willing to give it one more shot but if things didn’t change, he was going to leave and that I could not get upset if that happened.He doesn’t want things to change between us either. Finally I told him once more, "Then I’ll take a step back. I can’t be the thing you constantly hesitate about. I’ve told you my concerns about this relationship and you have reassured me. But you are obviously unsure. I’ll put my foot down and leave if you can’t when the time comes.” He started crying and saying how he didn’t want me to leave and how he’ll be broken if I leave.

I haven’t spoken to anyone about it like he has. I try to make compromises to help our relationship like giving him space, communicating better, etc. However, he’s unwilling to agree to them. He thinks I’m forcing myself to change by being willing to fix things that I do. He said that I make him feel like an asshole when voicing my feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/gankit78 on 2024-01-05 19:37:05+00:00.

Ok, so after years of financially supporting my gf, and dealing with her constantly lying about things, I finally had enough and broke it off several months ago. I then let her live in the house for 3 months before she was finally able to move out. (it was my house /mortgage, I paid for everything and only my name was ever on it).

During our time together, she always wanted more animals . We ended up with 2 dogs and 2 cats, the last of which I didn't even want but she insisted. The dogs and one of the cats love me more, and it's not even close. The last cat I intentionally avoided getting close to because that kept happening. I also paid for all the Vet visits, food , and adoption fees/registration for all of them.

Fast forward to her moving, she wants an animal. I say fine , take the cat that loves you more. She says she can't , and I say if you gotta start with that one, and that I'm unwilling to give her others if she can't even take the one that's the most hers.

I eventually find a home for said other cat cause she can't take it with her. Well she lasts in her current housing situation a month, and is now shacking up with another dude and says she wants the cat that's still with me. I've been now taking care of these animals solo at this point, and don't feel it's right that she should just come in and demand an animal.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Panicking_Leo on 2024-01-05 19:26:28+00:00.

AITA for inviting my dad on a cruise

My friend told me to post this so either I'm about to get wrecked or maybe get some validation but we'll see.

My dad (61M) and I (31F) were out getting a drink together when my dad told me about a Northern European cruise. He said he wanted to go but his SO is unable to leave her dog for long periods of time (senior dog who refuses to eat if she's not home). He thought I may want to take a look at it.

I did and it was a damn good deal for visiting countries I've always wanted to see. But you have to get two tickets to get the deal. I tried inviting friends but no one was able to afford it or get the time off.

So I asked my dad if he would be interested in going. This was quite literally something we had talked about doing when I was a teenager so it seemed too perfect. He said to give him some time to ask his SO if it was ok and time went on.

A week or so later he called me to say that it looks like he can go, most excellent. And so planning for excursions and whatnot begins.

Then another week later I was picking him up for a doctor's appointment and he told me that his SO changed her mind. She didn't want him to go on a trip that she wants to go on but can't and said that couples don't take vacations separately and if he went then they'd have to reconsider their relationship. Which can I just say, the fuck?

Over the next couple weeks I would get texts from my dad about how he's been trying to calm her down or discuss it which makes it sound like tensions are rising in their household which makes me feel guilty for instigating it.

So now I'm hurt, pissed off and feeling guilty so I decided to call it off and cancel the trip. I told my dad that I cancelled it and I guess he told her and now she's crying and I'm crying and this is all just so goddamn stupid. I don't understand why it bothers me so much, if I had any acting ability this would be amazing because now I can cry on cue just thinking about the situation. I made that joke to my dad and I'm regretting it because every now and then he brings it up just for me to start crying just to see if it still works.

For Christmas he got me a suitcase... and it took everything I had to smile and be respectful and say thank you because I couldn't tell if it was intentional or not. And then when he and his SO dropped me off at my place and I was taking it out of the trunk he asked if the gift made me happy or sad and I just started to cry again. Which freaked out my dad's SO because I never cry and she didn't hear what he said. I just rushed into my apartment and I haven't talked to him since.

He invited me to meet up today to get food so I'm going to ask him what the fuck all that was about.

It's just wild to me that all this is from a goddamn vacation.

So AITA for inviting my dad on a cruise?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/kabisuki on 2024-01-05 19:21:33+00:00.

My (F19) sister (F27)is gorgeous. I don’t get why she would hate so much, especially on other women (mostly influencers or family). Today I called her out after she called someone that recently got engaged and posted it on socials ‘fucking ugly. When I said it’s extremely mean to be saying this, she said that it’s okay because we were alone and no one would hear it. She also said that she called the man of the girl handsome, so she doesn’t just call everyone ugly. I said she should still not do it, as she wouldn’t like it if the roles were reversed. She then continued with that it wouldn’t bother her. I then told her to not do it for the sake of our religion or at least not to speak like that in my presence as it makes the vibe negative. It’s an unnecessary sin. She then called me a wannabe priest and I just got out the car. I’m really confused. I knew my friends did it in high school but she is too old to be doing this. Is it normal among friends to just call other ugly and laugh about it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/okspice on 2024-01-05 19:18:30+00:00.

I (F19) am a college student in America. I had to claw my way into the college I am attending because I’m a citizen of another country. It was especially hard to do due to my mom (F47) unknowingly sabotaging my visa application processes in the past. Before I came to America, my mom and aunt (F57) promised to pay all of my apartment’s rent and ensured me that I will live alone so I can focus on my studies. I asked them to rent out a cheap apartment, but they insisted on a pricier option. I was fine with it as long as they were, as they promised to pay all of the rent. Once I got here, after a few months, my mom came to visit me without warning. She kept pressuring me to find a job to help pay rent. I wasn’t too upset about this as I am allowed to work 20 hours a week according to my student visa. She kept nagging me about it, calling me useless and immature, until I found a job.

This is where it gets weird. My mom kept bringing up the possibility of living with me in my apartment, no rent paid. I told her that we had spent every day together for four years before I came to America, and that it was time for me to be a little more independent as I am now 19. She seemed a bit hurt but ultimately agreed with me. I was going to work on a Saturday, so I started packing my things and getting ready. My mom suddenly blew up at me and screamed that I must be working as a prostitute if I’m going to work on a weekend (as many Americans do). She berated me with insults and screaming until I left my house, and continued to spam call me and message me long walls of vulgar messages for eight hours. She threatened me not to come back home, the home that I receive mail from and help pay rent for. She made threats to my well being and told me she was out to get me, to be vague. My aunt tried to mediate and said I was “abandoning my family”. Even after I showed her our text logs, she said my mom was just being emotional. I stood my ground as I did not feel safe returning to a place where I could be caused harm. After this, she too wrote me long walls of messages calling me mentally unwell and immature. I am staying with my friends for the time being.

Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Best_Fortune_8730 on 2024-01-05 14:41:41+00:00.

My brother has two children from his marriage to his late wife Denise. His son just turned 20 and his daughter is 18. Denise died when the children were 6 and 7 years old. 18 months later my brother met Katherine, his second wife and they married after four months of knowing each other. Katherine was unable to have biological children and she always dreamed of being a mom and wanted to be a mom to my nephew and niece. My brother wanted this for her also. But the kids did not want to be Katherine's children. They did not want to call her mom or be adopted by her, they did not want her to be the sole focus of mother's day, etc.

My brother spent years trying to get the children to call Katherine mom. He and Katherine applied for her to adopt the kids and were rejected by the judge after she spoke to the children about what they wanted. They tried again and were denied by a different judge before making it to court.

Things were always tense with my brother and his children. It was also tense with the rest of the family because some of us spoke up and asked him why he was pushing this on his children so much. He would say Katherine deserved to be a mom and deserved the respect for being a loving and nurturing mother to the kids.

Mother's Day from the first year they were married until last year was very toxic. My brother no longer allowed the kids to see their maternal relatives that day and they also didn't see any of us or visit the grave. He said the day in their family was for Katherine. He would make her breakfast and give her cards and gifts from the kids. Then the kids would tell her she didn't deserve to be celebrated for Mother's Day and she was nobody's mother. My brother didn't like it and Katherine would be upset at the reminder. The kids would also be quick to inform Katherine they never wrote in the cards. Because my brother always addressed them "to mom" and the kids never called her that.

In the last few months my brother has lost contact with his children. The last time they spoke to their dad, the kids told him they put Katherine's wants before them and they would never forgive him for that. They said he had no right to insist they be the children to fill the void for her when they already had a mom who they loved. My brother dismissed the idea entirely that he put Katherine before the kids like that. When I saw him for New Years at my parents house he was telling me about it and I told him the kids were right and he did put Katherine's wants before the kids. I said he made her want to be a mother the most important thing and tried to force the kids to comply and be her kids. He told me that was not what happened and I should be sympathetic to him and to Katherine who had her heart broken by the kids.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Best_Fortune_8730 on 2024-01-05 14:41:41+00:00.

My brother has two children from his marriage to his late wife Denise. His son just turned 20 and his daughter is 18. Denise died when the children were 6 and 7 years old. 18 months later my brother met Katherine, his second wife and they married after four months of knowing each other. Katherine was unable to have biological children and she always dreamed of being a mom and wanted to be a mom to my nephew and niece. My brother wanted this for her also. But the kids did not want to be Katherine's children. They did not want to call her mom or be adopted by her, they did not want her to be the sole focus of mother's day, etc.

My brother spent years trying to get the children to call Katherine mom. He and Katherine applied for her to adopt the kids and were rejected by the judge after she spoke to the children about what they wanted. They tried again and were denied by a different judge before making it to court.

Things were always tense with my brother and his children. It was also tense with the rest of the family because some of us spoke up and asked him why he was pushing this on his children so much. He would say Katherine deserved to be a mom and deserved the respect for being a loving and nurturing mother to the kids.

Mother's Day from the first year they were married until last year was very toxic. My brother no longer allowed the kids to see their maternal relatives that day and they also didn't see any of us or visit the grave. He said the day in their family was for Katherine. He would make her breakfast and give her cards and gifts from the kids. Then the kids would tell her she didn't deserve to be celebrated for Mother's Day and she was nobody's mother. My brother didn't like it and Katherine would be upset at the reminder. The kids would also be quick to inform Katherine they never wrote in the cards. Because my brother always addressed them "to mom" and the kids never called her that.

In the last few months my brother has lost contact with his children. The last time they spoke to their dad, the kids told him they put Katherine's wants before them and they would never forgive him for that. They said he had no right to insist they be the children to fill the void for her when they already had a mom who they loved. My brother dismissed the idea entirely that he put Katherine before the kids like that. When I saw him for New Years at my parents house he was telling me about it and I told him the kids were right and he did put Katherine's wants before the kids. I said he made her want to be a mother the most important thing and tried to force the kids to comply and be her kids. He told me that was not what happened and I should be sympathetic to him and to Katherine who had her heart broken by the kids.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WidowerOfSea on 2024-01-05 13:30:41+00:00.

I (28m) was married to Amy for 6 years and we had 3 children together. Our sons are now 10 and 8 and our daughter is 6. Amy passed away 2 years ago from cancer. She was sick for a little over a year and at a terminal diagnosis for 8 months. I helped care for Amy at home with the help of her family (her mom, four siblings and even her grandparents) before she died. And her death appeared peaceful. But Amy's twin Ivy recently discovered that toward the end Amy had been dealing with some crap... curtsey of my parents.

Per Amy's diary she kept before she died, my parents had requested that she write letters to our kids telling them she wanted them to have another mom some day soon and that she wanted them to promise to have their hearts and minds open to that and to not treat my next wife as just my wife or just a stepmom but a mom. They also wanted her to tell the kids to ask me for a new mom within a few months of her death. She was supposed to tell them it was her dying wish and all sorts of crap. Amy had told them she had recorded videos and wrote letters but that those were not words she would put in either. My parents hounded her every second she was alone and they were visiting. They made her so distressed in the end. According to the diary my parents told Amy she was a terrible mother and a selfish person for not urging us to move on and find another wife and mom once she was no longer here.

I read those pages myself and I was furious. Even more so because my parents have been urging me to date and explore the prospect of remarrying and when I said I had no interest in that, they told me it's what Amy would have wanted for me. They even brought up in the last few months that my kids will grow up without a mom. And argued when I told them they always will. Because she died while they were so young.

I texted my parents that I knew what they had done and to stay away from me and the kids. They told me they had done nothing wrong and had no regrets about their actions to make mine and the kids lives better. That pushed me over the edge and I drove to their house to tell them face to face that they repulsed me, to harass a dying woman, to harass my wife, to make her final weeks more stressful than they already were. I told them they were sick. I didn't realize when I started that they had friends over. The friends came out to find out what was going on so I told them what my parents had done. Then I left.

My parents tried to defend their actions via text saying I should be so hurt and angry at Amy and not them. When I ignored them they told me I had no right to humiliate them in front of their friends. My siblings also told me I shouldn't have said anything to my parents. They said I should understand they were putting me first. I asked them if they thought our parents would have harassed me the same way if I had been in Amy's place and they couldn't deny that my parents wouldn't have.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WidowerOfSea on 2024-01-05 13:30:41+00:00.

I (28m) was married to Amy for 6 years and we had 3 children together. Our sons are now 10 and 8 and our daughter is 6. Amy passed away 2 years ago from cancer. She was sick for a little over a year and at a terminal diagnosis for 8 months. I helped care for Amy at home with the help of her family (her mom, four siblings and even her grandparents) before she died. And her death appeared peaceful. But Amy's twin Ivy recently discovered that toward the end Amy had been dealing with some crap... curtsey of my parents.

Per Amy's diary she kept before she died, my parents had requested that she write letters to our kids telling them she wanted them to have another mom some day soon and that she wanted them to promise to have their hearts and minds open to that and to not treat my next wife as just my wife or just a stepmom but a mom. They also wanted her to tell the kids to ask me for a new mom within a few months of her death. She was supposed to tell them it was her dying wish and all sorts of crap. Amy had told them she had recorded videos and wrote letters but that those were not words she would put in either. My parents hounded her every second she was alone and they were visiting. They made her so distressed in the end. According to the diary my parents told Amy she was a terrible mother and a selfish person for not urging us to move on and find another wife and mom once she was no longer here.

I read those pages myself and I was furious. Even more so because my parents have been urging me to date and explore the prospect of remarrying and when I said I had no interest in that, they told me it's what Amy would have wanted for me. They even brought up in the last few months that my kids will grow up without a mom. And argued when I told them they always will. Because she died while they were so young.

I texted my parents that I knew what they had done and to stay away from me and the kids. They told me they had done nothing wrong and had no regrets about their actions to make mine and the kids lives better. That pushed me over the edge and I drove to their house to tell them face to face that they repulsed me, to harass a dying woman, to harass my wife, to make her final weeks more stressful than they already were. I told them they were sick. I didn't realize when I started that they had friends over. The friends came out to find out what was going on so I told them what my parents had done. Then I left.

My parents tried to defend their actions via text saying I should be so hurt and angry at Amy and not them. When I ignored them they told me I had no right to humiliate them in front of their friends. My siblings also told me I shouldn't have said anything to my parents. They said I should understand they were putting me first. I asked them if they thought our parents would have harassed me the same way if I had been in Amy's place and they couldn't deny that my parents wouldn't have.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dismal-Sundae-7988 on 2024-01-05 10:56:55+00:00.

So my kid was born on 31st of December (7 years ago) and each year we celebrate by having a family lunch at our house, with my husband’s family since mine is in a different country. My sister in law got married 3 months ago and had a celebration lunch 2 weeks after. There we met her new in-laws, but we never connected or exchanged more than ‘hello, how are you, good bye’. So they’re practically strangers. They didn’t interact at all with my kid.

Now comes my kid’s birthday and my sister in law says that her in-laws will be in town so they would come to the birthday lunch as well. I didn’t feel like having strangers in the house for that special day, my kid didn’t want them around so I told my sister in law that she and her husband are welcome to come but her in-laws can find something else to do for 3 hours.

So here’s what my sister in law decided to do. She came and brought over her son, left him for the day to spend time and play with my kid. Then she said to her mom and her brother (not my husband)to join her, her husband and her in-laws for a morning coffee. The morning coffee turned into lunch, which turned into no one showing up for my kid. Around 5 pm I tell my husband to call her and tell her to pick up her kid, I was done babysitting him.

She comes(alone) and sees we didn’t cut the cake so she says come on, let’s sing and cut it. My kid didn’t want to, she wanted to leave it for later to do it just with her dad and me. The sister in law kept at it, her son said he wants to try the cake so reluctantly we sang ‘happy birthday’ and we cut it. They had a slice and left (I also gave them a piece of cake to take with them for the in-laws).

My husband and I decided to do at least something special for the day(I won’t say how sad my girl was) so we went bowling (first time for my kid). While in the car, my brother in law send me a message saying that after the outing he had he was sleepy and went to bed and now he is up and wants to come over to give the gift to my kid. I tell him we’re not home. While we’re bowling, my mother in law calls my husband (it was around 7pm by now) and says she wants to pass by to give my husband a sweet she had prepared. I blow up and tell my husband no one is welcomed anymore, we’ll go home and rest so we can be up for the New Year’s fireworks.

So, long story short, because I didn’t invite the in-laws of my sister in law to my kid’s birthday party, no one showed up. Cherry on the cake is that I’ve been told that I’m the a***** for making my sister in law choose between my kid and her in-laws. Or for not celebrating the birthday another day.

So, who’s the a**** here? Also, for the past 4 days my sister in law keeps on asking to meet(which she never did before), which I gently refuse cause I’m not ready to see her yet. Was it something so small that I should just forget about it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dismal-Sundae-7988 on 2024-01-05 10:56:55+00:00.

So my kid was born on 31st of December (7 years ago) and each year we celebrate by having a family lunch at our house, with my husband’s family since mine is in a different country. My sister in law got married 3 months ago and had a celebration lunch 2 weeks after. There we met her new in-laws, but we never connected or exchanged more than ‘hello, how are you, good bye’. So they’re practically strangers. They didn’t interact at all with my kid.

Now comes my kid’s birthday and my sister in law says that her in-laws will be in town so they would come to the birthday lunch as well. I didn’t feel like having strangers in the house for that special day, my kid didn’t want them around so I told my sister in law that she and her husband are welcome to come but her in-laws can find something else to do for 3 hours.

So here’s what my sister in law decided to do. She came and brought over her son, left him for the day to spend time and play with my kid. Then she said to her mom and her brother (not my husband)to join her, her husband and her in-laws for a morning coffee. The morning coffee turned into lunch, which turned into no one showing up for my kid. Around 5 pm I tell my husband to call her and tell her to pick up her kid, I was done babysitting him.

She comes(alone) and sees we didn’t cut the cake so she says come on, let’s sing and cut it. My kid didn’t want to, she wanted to leave it for later to do it just with her dad and me. The sister in law kept at it, her son said he wants to try the cake so reluctantly we sang ‘happy birthday’ and we cut it. They had a slice and left (I also gave them a piece of cake to take with them for the in-laws).

My husband and I decided to do at least something special for the day(I won’t say how sad my girl was) so we went bowling (first time for my kid). While in the car, my brother in law send me a message saying that after the outing he had he was sleepy and went to bed and now he is up and wants to come over to give the gift to my kid. I tell him we’re not home. While we’re bowling, my mother in law calls my husband (it was around 7pm by now) and says she wants to pass by to give my husband a sweet she had prepared. I blow up and tell my husband no one is welcomed anymore, we’ll go home and rest so we can be up for the New Year’s fireworks.

So, long story short, because I didn’t invite the in-laws of my sister in law to my kid’s birthday party, no one showed up. Cherry on the cake is that I’ve been told that I’m the a***** for making my sister in law choose between my kid and her in-laws. Or for not celebrating the birthday another day.

So, who’s the a**** here? Also, for the past 4 days my sister in law keeps on asking to meet(which she never did before), which I gently refuse cause I’m not ready to see her yet. Was it something so small that I should just forget about it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Trippyreagan on 2024-01-04 19:03:20+00:00.

I am a 21yr old female who lives in an apartment with three other roommates. We each have our own bedroom and pay on separate leases for our specific rooms. I have a boyfriend and obviously we like to engage in activities that adults enjoy regularly. One of my roommates keeps texting me and even goes so far as knocking on my door during the act to tell me and my boyfriend to stop because it “makes her uncomfortable and she can hear us from her room”

This roommate lives in the room farthest away from mine. She shares no walls with me, in fact there are two other bedrooms in between ours. Every time me and my boyfriend engage we turn the tv and fan on and make sure we are both really really quiet. I have also asked if my other two roommates that are closer to my room hear anything at night and they both said no. So, I don’t understand how this roommate is hearing anything unless she is actively standing in the hallway or outside my door trying to catch us. We haven’t stopped engaging in this activity because I don’t feel I should have to stop doing something in the privacy of my own room when I already take multiple steps to ensure we are quiet and respectful and it makes no sense that she is even able to hear us at all.

AITA for going against her wishes and continuing to make her uncomfortable even though I have a strong feeling that the only reason she can hear anything is because she’s actively listening outside my door to make sure we arnet engaging?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Debstar76 on 2024-01-05 15:42:41+00:00.

My son A is 17, he’s got very curly hair and he’s started growing it in the past year.

He has autism and ADHD as well as anxiety. Plus, the hairdresser’s chair is a stressful place for those of us with people pleasing tendencies.

He last had a haircut six months ago but he was really unhappy with it. he’s been doing curly girl method, where you only condition your hair, he has a curl cream and special curl conditioner and also a protective curl bonnet to sleep in to keep the curl crisp.

We went to get him a haircut, A was very anxious about having it cut and wanted me to come with him as he wanted to keep the length but wanted it chipped into a bit to remove some weight.

The hairdresser was so horrible and dismissive and said “what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense”, when I said he didn’t want too much length off.

I said “please don’t cut too much as it’s very curly and it will spring up’ and she said HIS HAIR IS DIRTY HE NEEDS TO BRUSH IT DAILY AND WASH IT DAILY. Now, I have curly hair too, and the one thing you don’t do is brush it. You get mega frizz. And over washing is not part of the curly girl method. I said he was doing the curly girl method and she said “I’ve never heard of that” and attacked him with a brush and rolled her eyes at me. She ignored what I was saying and just kept cutting the front, I said at one point PLEASE STOP CUTTING!!! ITS GOING TO SPRING UP IT WILL BE TOO SHORT!

She was obviously overworked and over it, and my son seems like he’s capable of saying what he wants, but he is absolutely terrified of conflict and will agree with whatever anyone says, which is why he wanted me to be there and communicate what he wanted. She just kept cutting and acting like I wasn’t there. She was so over it that she didn’t even get the mirror to show the back of his hair.

When we got out, he was so unhappy and a little bit shocked at how aggressive she’d been with the combing and dismissing of the not brushing thing, and of course his hair springs up and he looked like he has an pensioners perm! All that growth gone, and he didn’t get the haircut he wanted. I was trying to advocate for him and I was polite and respectful but this hairdresser just did what she wanted and gave my son a terrible experience. I kept apologising and saying I know it’s unusual and I was being a helicopter parent, but A didn’t feel capable of explaining what he wanted. He wanted my help.

So, Reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Plus_Association_669 on 2024-01-05 15:35:29+00:00.

My cousin "Tammy" is 34 and has always had a desire to be the center of attention. Given this, I'm not sure why I was expecting anything different but given the circumstances I would have figured she would tone it down. Her sister (not blood relation to me because they have different dads) is 22 and she just gave birth to her son, whom was unfortunately born still. It was very unexpected. There were no pregnancy complications and everything was going perfectly but during her last scan, his heart simply stopped while they were in the middle of the ultrasound. She gave birth 3 days later, after being induced. As a mom myself, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering. Her going a full 3 days, knowing her baby was gone, before she was able to birth him is so heartbreaking.

Now.. when she actually went in to labor she struggled immensely. Mentally she was not in it, which was making the process harder I'm sure. At some point the doctor asked my cousin to hold her sister's leg back to help the process. Since then, my cousin has been over the top trying to steal her sister's pain. Posting on Facebook that it was the worst day of her life and how she is so heartbroken. Posting pictures to her Instagram with her and the deceased baby with captions saying "my loss of you will never be forgotten. I miss you already my beautiful boy". It's to a point where people are asking her when SHE got pregnant, thinking the baby is hers, and those are the only people she doesn't respond to so she never clarifies to anyone that this is actually not her baby at all. She does however respond to everyone saying "omg I'm so sorry for your loss". I DO understand she has grief. That's not even a question. But she's riding her sister's pain and depriving her sister the resources she needs to heal.

Well, I offered to make her sister dinner and bring it over to her and her sister asked if she could come to my place because being near her son's nursery was too hard. I of course said yes. She got a ride from my cousin. They invited over a few other family members of theirs (totally fine). Every single time anyone hugged this girl or told her how sorry they were, etc, my cousin would start the water works. "How do you think I feel? I delivered my nephew dead. I'm not okay". Eventually I was beyond fed up and pulled her aside and told her to stop hijacking her sisters pain and that this isn't about her. I told her to stop claiming she delivered that boy because she didn't. She held her sisters leg, which is common. I told her she was being selfish as fuck and if she didn't stop, she could leave because she's sickening me. I also told her that I understand she's in pain too but that does not compare to her sisters pain at all. She ended up leaving immediately after that, stating that I'm an "ignorant piece of work" to think she's not feeling this pain as deeply as her sister is and that she "hopes I never know this pain" (I do know this pain, I watched my mom go through it when I was 16 but it was my mom's pain, not mine). AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Upset_Pie7026 on 2024-01-05 15:32:31+00:00.

My girlfriend and I have dated for a few months now, and things are going well. We recently decided to spend a week away in a new country a few hours away by plane. My gf had initially planned her trip before we met as a solo trip, but since we started dating, she decided it would be a great couples trip.

After she sent me her flight information, I noticed that a discount carrier was offering a flight about

400 less than the one she had bought that also landed an hour after her's did. I bought it and sent her the flight, telling her my plan to meet her there. She then called me and said she was disappointed I opted not to travel with her, and that she wished we had discussed it. I told her it was cheaper and landed around the same time, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. It is true that we both have and make plenty of money, but why pay more than we have to just to sit next to eachother? I kept my tickets and told her I hope she understands we’ll have plenty of time to hang out on the trip.

AITA for buying cheaper flights than gf for our vacation?