Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Misscali21 on 2024-01-03 16:04:55+00:00.

My husband and I went out for the night and when it was time to go home I wanted to call a cab that would have charged £20 that I was happy to pay for and would get us home in 20 mins max. However my husband said it's a waste of money and we could take the bus/train even though it would take us a whole lot longer and could potentially be quite dangerous. I got really annoyed at him and told him he is being cheap. Am I being a princess? Is there anything wrong with not wanting to be trekking on night tubes and busses at that time? Please let me know your thoughts

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sistermad on 2024-01-03 14:10:39+00:00.

I (28M) live with my sister (30F).

I am an Uber driver and content creator. I don't have a college degree but my sister does and works as a software engineer.

One of the content channels I maintain has videos of driving fails. On that channel the videos with women drivers in the thumbnail tend to get more views and result in better monetization.

Lately I've been having trouble finding good content so I used some videos from our cctv of my sister parking her car outside on the street. My sister doesn't have any issue with parking or anything, so I had to edit multiple videos together and one with an obstacle on the road out of view of the camera to make it seem like she was struggling.

She found the video open on the site because i accidentally left the tab open and she saw my computer screen and now she is upset and called me an AH despite the fact that I explained to her that it is just fake edited content.

She berated me and accused me of not having my life together and guilt tripped me because I don't pay rent although I contribute to bills and I am grateful she lets me stay here since our parents kicked me out. She owns her house and i she pays a mortgage but obviously I don't have equity.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Savings_Link_4309 on 2024-01-03 12:44:25+00:00.

My (29M) previously close childhood friend (29F) had a rough childhood but she uses her rough childhood to rationalize a lot of bad decisions that affect others.

She experienced housing insecurity, had a single mom with mental health issues, and is now living with her older sister with reduced rent.

She does not handle work stress well and unsurprisingly got fired after being overwhelmed. Being her friend has been taxing for me because it only consists of her complaining about work and how unfair it is.

After she got fired, she blatantly told me she was okay with freeloading off her family indefinitely and she’ll find a job “when she’s ready”. I said that it wasn’t cool that she’s basically taking advantage of her older sister and asked her how she planned to eventually move out so her sister could focus on raising her newborn kid.

She didn’t take that well and basically cut me off. I’m not really bothered because our friendship just became draining for me the last few years since we started working professional jobs.

It’s not my problem and I don’t have a desire to resume our friendship lol but I wish her well - anyways AITA in this situation?

Edit (taken from one of my responses to a comment below): she had a decent paying job, and wasn’t entry level. In other words, she’s perfectly capable of working a high paying job I was just trying to get her to self reflect a little on the impact of she would have on herself / her family if she really chose to not do nothing (not job search, no part time work, etc.)

even though her sister is financially well off and doesn’t need it per se, I think the taking advantage of her sister offering reduced rent and not having any intention to resume work pissed me off + in tandem to me already being annoyed / drained of the direction our friendship had devolved to, just 1-sided conversations of her complaining (about how hard / unfair her life and work was)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/xvzmbii on 2024-01-03 07:40:45+00:00.

I [F13 almost 14] am considering ending things with one of my friends [F15]

i’ve been friends with her for about five months now.. whenever i’m talking about people being racist to me she just laughs at me and doesn’t take it seriously at all, whenever im telling her something i did all she says is “ok??” then changes the subject, she literally forgot my birthday.. (our birthdays are a few days apart), whenever im talking about a guy i like she judges them for literally no reason, she talks shit abt her friends so i kinda feel like she’s gonna talk shit about me at some point..

what should i do? should i have a talk with her or should i end things? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AdFearless775 on 2024-01-04 01:23:37+00:00.

I’ve been going to a certain doctor’s office for around seven months now and throughout my visits I’ve noticed a younger doctor being very touchy-feely with one of his patients. I’ve asked around and apparently, they’re really close and will hang out outside of the office all the time. I’m not sure if they’ve actually crossed any romantic boundaries, but I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve asked around and everyone is really tight-lipped about it, but I saw them hugging for a long time the other day and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I saw on a tv show that it’s really bad for doctors to date or sleep with their patients and I’m pretty sure I should report them. Maybe they could ban the patient or fire the doctor, I don’t know. But WIBTA if I reported them?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Long-Butterscotch-14 on 2024-01-04 01:22:23+00:00.

My SIL moved out of state a few years ago and stays with my husband (her brother) and I when she is back. A couple times of year, her husband comes back and stays with us as well.

Well this last trip back for the holidays, I feel like they’ve over stepped and are taking advantage of our hospitality. They’ve been getting drunk on multiple occasions and coming back to our place and just assume it’s okay to cook, use our food, and etc. My BIL also does random stuff like take a few sips out of a water bottle and wastes it, touches stuff he shouldn’t and sleeps on the couch making it unavailable to use.

My SIL and BIL went to a bar last night and got super drunk causing my husband to have to pick them up at 1am without even asking him first. They just assumed he’d do it. My SIL also vomited in my husbands vehicle that he had to clean.

Am I in the wrong to tell them they can’t stay here anymore? They have other places to stay but I’m afraid they’ll guilt trip my husband and causing a fight between us.

I’m to the point I don’t care if I make rifts in the family as I feel it’s to be the point boundaries need to be set. A lot of repeated issues and other stuff I don’t want to list as it’d be long is why I wouldn’t care if I caused some rifts.

Sorry for the long rant, but I’m just so mad as this has really upset my husband who is usually level headed.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/paramore2002 on 2024-01-04 01:09:05+00:00.

AITA for not wanting to live with my boyfriends mom?

My(21F) boyfriend (22M) have been together for 4 years. We are about to both graduate and want to save up for a year or two and buy and apartment we would own and my father said he would help us with the money for it when we save up a certain amount. We have had this plan the last few months but recently his mother has been pressuring him to stay with her after he moves. She says she needs helps with the bills and is asking if we can pay her rent to live there. For context she has a very stable job with okay salary and is getting rent from a tenant for a 2 bedroom apartment (she gets roughly 2,500 a month from them). I thought it was sweet she found a solution to her problems that also helped us and she said she would build us a kitchen. My bf suddenly sprung this on me and I wasn’t totally opposed but I also did not fully like the idea as the basement is very small, half the size of a standard studio apartment even. When i told my father he told me not to do it, the state we live in does not allow kitchens in basements to begin with as well as even living and my father told me the health problems associating with living in the basement and ur worried him as i have asthma. My father also brought up how if my boyfriend and I are really trying and working hard and trying to save he has no problem letting us stay with him rent free until we can buy a place. Not to mention he would also help us buy a place when the time comes and we save enough. My boyfriend’s father also doesn’t fully like the idea either and feels as if his mom spends money on things that aren’t important (she clubs frequently and vacations a lot). I feel bad as she was crying saying she needs financial help but my boyfriend also said he doesn’t feel bad when she spends thousands on multiple vacations a year. I feel like moving in his basement and paying his mom rent is not worth it especially when it won’t even technically be legal and my father is offering us space for free. I also don’t like the idea of living with my bfs mom long term (she made it sound like it was a until marriage thing and so did he). My bf isn’t totally against it but he feels it isn’t worth it as do i.

Would me and my bf be assholes for telling her we want to save and get our own place??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Platypus8443 on 2024-01-04 01:04:31+00:00.

Long story short I have a 1 year old and my sister in law threw a baby shower for me last year. When we sent out the invites my best friend who lives a couple hours away immediately told me she wouldn’t be making it and she would drop off a gift next time she came down. She never did, and never stopped by when she came to town. Just to back track a bit, when I told this friend I was pregnant she lashed out on me and cried because “I know that she wants a baby too” but that’s a whole other story eyeroll

Anyways her and her partner are now having a baby in the coming year. She wants me to be the “keeper of the gender,” and plan, set up and host her party. I told her I would try my best to help her plan it but there is no guarantee I can be there and she said “okay well you would NEED to be there, you’re the keeper of the gender.” She has been sort of snappy ever since we had this conversation.

Now I am just sort of feeling sour about the whole thing/ her in general.. she put absolutely no effort into being there for me while I was pregnant, puts no effort into our friendship and knowing my child but now I’m expected to throw her an extravagant gender reveal?! Am I the A hole for wanting to say no? Part of me wants to do it because I know I would have liked the same kind of support from her, but the other part of me wants to tell her to kick rocks.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mhpercussion on 2024-01-04 00:51:02+00:00.

My wife was home all day (day off) while I went to work, so she cooked between watching tv and painting. When I got home at 10pm she was sad and said she burned part of dinner (burned beef stew, the rice was fine). I went and tried it and it was burned but on the edge of being edible; I didn’t really want to eat it despite being hungry. I returned to the sofa where she was and said “yeah it’s a bit burned, I’m kinda hungry so I’m gonna fix something else.” She got upset at that and refused to talk to me, even when I sat down with some of the rice and burned stew and started to eat it anyway. When I said sorry for saying I didn’t want what she cooked (and admitted she burned) she just said she needed some time alone and headed to the bedroom where she stayed, saying I should watch my show. When I went to see her, I apologised again and asked if I should season some other meat and she just replied with “yeah do whatever”.

Usually her cooking is amazing and I really like her meals. Only sometimes (usually stew on these rare occasions) she does burn it but in the past I’ve always tried to eat it anyway or salvage it if she asks me if it’s okay, but today I just didn’t have the energy.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwConfrontMom126 on 2024-01-04 00:31:26+00:00.

Before giving the context, I want to apologize if there are some mistakes in grammar or something like that, english is not my first language.

Now, to give some context. Since I was little, I (18M) always remember how my mother (51) always underestimated any kind of achivement I had. For example, when I scored 20 on my tests (highest possible grade in my country), she would say something like "Why didn't you tell me you had an exam?" never a compliment. In high school, I placed second in a chess tournament at my school, she didn't even congratulate me, she just said "Who was the first place?". Recently, I show her my grades at uni and she was like "Why do you have 18 and not 20?" and when I explained it is difficult, she said "That's because you don't study enough and spend all day playing video games."

Now, my mom, outside of this issue, is not a bad mother. She always spoiled me and my siblings with gifts and food, even though my family is not very wealthy. She always planned family trips and was there for me when I needed advice. To be honest, I don't even know why does she understimate my achievements.

So, I want to know WIBTA if I confront her about this, considering that she's being a great mother for me and my siblings? And if not, how can I tell her about this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/connorlr19 on 2024-01-04 00:26:57+00:00.

2 months ago my flatmate started work in the emergency services. Since then, our friendship has changed and I need someone to tell me if I'm the arsehole! FYI we live in a 2 bed flat with our own bedrooms and bathrooms, and a shared kitchen lounge.

The first incident was when I asked her if I could have someone over from a dating app. She refused and said she was too tired and that her refusing wasn't unreasonable as she was in a new job. I was disappointed at this as I would understand if she had an exam or someone had died, but to refuse because you are tired seemed silly to me - aren't we all after a day of work! This triggered a conversation where she expressed she would only be happy if I had people she did not know round on Friday or Saturday nights only. It also triggered a conversation where she told me it would be nice if I could clean and unload the dishwasher more often, all of which I have taken onboard and quite literally lived by to the point we now live in a spotless flat.

Since then there have been multiple incidents where she will sleep in the lounge from around 9PM. I have asked her not to do this as it makes me feel bad or awkward if I fancy a snack, drink or need something from the kitchen/lounge and she is in there as I either go without (hunger at night is atrocious to experience) or have to enter and wake her up anyway. Her justification is that I am too noisy calling my friends (which rarely happens after 9-11PM) or chilling in my room so she needs to sleep in the lounge (bedrooms next door to each other). Our building has a no noise policy from 11PM-7AM which we have always adhered to with each other also with no issue. I was toning down at 11PM but now in an attempt to be considerate I try to quiet down by 9PM (I finish work late afternoon so this isn't much time to FaceTime and do what I would like too.) Now she has a new job her shifts are currently 7:00AM-3:00PM but will soon be all over the place as is the nature of shift work. I have suggested time and time again she use earplugs as this would mean she can sleep, I can do what I would like within reason in the afternoons and evenings and have also mentioned to her once she is doing shift work I will undoubtedly be making noise ie if she finishes at 3PM and comes home to sleep I am unfortunately going to need to cook and so the reasonable activities I am carrying out are going to create noise which I can't help. I also don't want to have to put my life on hold or stop calling my friends, watching TV etc (I do all of this before 9 ish now FYI but when a FaceTime has gone on 10 minutes longer until 9:10PM it has still caused issues). She outright refuses earplugs and says she will miss her alarm, no matter how many times I ask her to try them.

So, please please tell me AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MediocreMilkmaid on 2024-01-04 00:14:03+00:00.

I (16f) live with my parents and brother (14m). When we were young we lived near my dad’s workplace and there was this noodle shop the whole family loves. We ate from there like 3 times a week. It was a busy shop with people coming in and out all day so the owner or waiters never really treated us special or anything but the food was good, fair-priced and staff was polite so we kept going.

Three months ago we moved cuz my mom inherited a house. We now live like an hour from the noodle shop and 45 minutes from dad’s work. My dad is now the only one with reasonable access to the noodle shop so if we want food from there we ask him to buy for us.

The thing is, though I love the noodles there, I hate bean sprouts they put in the noodles. Whenever I ordered I always made note that they don’t add bean sprouts. Now we can only get the noodles as take out by my dad and he always, always forgets to note to the shop that my dish is no bean sprouts. I would tell him, write notes, send messages and he would continue to bring me dishes with bean sprouts.

Now my brother never modified his noodle order and eat as is, but he would ask for several side dishes and extra condiments. My dad never gets those order wrong. They were not always the same, too, but he always gets my brother’s food right while he always brings me dishes with bean sprouts.

Last evening I both called him and texted him to please make sure my dish has no bean sprouts cuz I was tired of picking them out before being able to eat my noodles. My dish had bean sprouts AGAIN while my brother’s dish and two side dishes were perfectly correct. I told my dad he was neglecting me and it was unfair how he paid so much attention to my brother’s order while keep forgetting the one thing I repeatedly asked him to do. I said I’m tired of his favoritism and next time he goes to the shop just don’t get me anything cuz he clearly doesn’t care about what I like. My dad said he doesn’t play favorite but just that my brother is easier to take care of because he’s not a picky eater like me and my note just slipped his mind. My mom then tried to convince me to eat her order (not noodles) instead but I just left for my room. My brother slipped a snack I like under my door later that night but my parents didn’t say or do anything.

I’m not a picky eater. Bean sprouts are probably the only thing I hate. I think I’m not TA for calling my dad out on his favoritism.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NewCrazyReality on 2024-01-04 00:13:14+00:00.

My cousin makes this brisket that I guess he is super proud of. It was okay, but nothing special. Well after our holiday meal I was doing the dishes and saw someone left a piece of brisket on their plate. So I decided to use the brisket to scrub the food off dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. Well he caught me and it became this big thing. I can understand that may seem disrespectful. Using his 12 hour long smoke brisket on dirty dishes. But that piece of brisket was going in the garbage anyways. I gave it a greater purpose. I didn’t want the sponges to get all macaroni and cheesy. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aitathrowfire125560 on 2024-01-04 00:10:20+00:00.

We've been together since 2010 - he's 41m and I'm 35f. My fiance is a fire captain and he's in charge of about 12 people. The way he describes it they're basically all brothers and he's the big brother. I also work as a nurse. Back in August of 2022 he was seriously injured at work and I had to spend 2 months full time caretaking for him, taking leave from work in order to make sure he was fine. Thankfully he made a full recovery. After this we had a serious discussion about his future and how since we're planning to get married and have kids (I want to have them very soon) this really worried me. It turned into a major rift but he ended up promising to eventually phase into an administration role as he got older. The timeline we agreed on was in the next 5 years.

About 6 months ago, there was another terrible accident at work and one of his subordinates died on the job. Apparently this is the third fire in buildings built by the same company so the city launched an investigation into falsifying inspections. At the time everyone was in deep mourning, including me since I've met his colleagues a lot and even cooked for him - it hit everyone hard but it hit my fiance especially hard because he thought he was responsible for the kid's death (he was only 22 years old).

It's now 6 months later, I'm 7 months pregnant and my fiance ended up being offered a promotion to battalion chief which means he'd be out of physically first responding - it's basically a dream job from my POV. But he told me that he's going to turn it down. Not only that, but there's an ongoing lawsuit and he's volunteered to testify in court which could be an extremely lengthy battle. I reminded him of his promise and he told me that he could no longer keep it after his subordinate's death - he said basically "I'm going to stick by my brothers till the end, I can't let Lee die in vain.". Obviously I was extremely upset - we have a baby on the way and here he is going back on his word but continuing to put himself in danger, now not only physically but also legally!! It feels to me like he prioritizes his bond with his colleagues more than me.

We haven't gotten anyone else involved other than me asking my mother for advice, who told me to give him some time but she ultimately agreed he should keep his promise - we've talked a few more times but we're at an impasse, and with my late pregnancy I'm more stressed out than ever and am deathly afraid of hurting the baby. To his credit he's still been acting the part of a good fiancee, taking care of me during pregnancy, but the spark in his eyes when he sees me dimmed after Lee's death and seems like it's completely gone out since we had that blow up fight a week ago. I get that he's processing grief but we have our entire future to worry about and I frankly think 6 months is enough time for you to go back to prioritizing your real family.

AITA here? This is time sensitive obviously, I'm due in March and he can't keep the job offer floating forever, if he hasn't turned it down yet.

Edit: I just checked about the promotion and I described it wrong at first.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawaywifesboss23 on 2024-01-03 20:55:53+00:00.

For Context: My wife 29F has been working with this company for about 5-6 years. She onboarded with coworker 36M and they always got along. She left the company for a while and he helped her secure a full time position. Cool.

I’ve never really cared about their relationship because it’s always been strictly work and not much else. However this last year they seem to have grown closer. They are not on the same team but constantly messaging, giving work advice, she’s invited to his team lunches etc.

I don’t think there’s anything going on outside of work but I think it’s broaching inappropriate.

Down to the issue, it’s New Year Eve, he video chats her to take a shot for the New Year. They end the call saying see you, and they’ll bring gifts next in office day.

I ask my wife what she got him. She say she made him a shirt, which I do remember as I helped her just didn’t ask who it was for. The shirt had text bubbles and on it said, “Whose your favorite?” “Me, I’m my own favorite.” She said it was from a conversation they had.

I tell her she’s flirting. They’re both flirting. It sends the wrong message, shows to much effort. She denies it and said they are friends and that she always home makes gifts(true). That all they do is complain about work together and it’s nice to have someone in her corner. I tell her she can get him a Starbucks gift card them.

She thinks I’m being a controlling AH. But I think it’s seriously inappropriate. So AITA

Edit: Not allow, wrong wording. She can do whatever she wants but me stating what I’m uncomfortable with.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Electrical-Hope-4740 on 2024-01-04 00:08:56+00:00.

I've been home by myself all day and my mom said there were burgers in the fridge to make. There was already one already made pattie that I could have put in the microwave this is important later. Me being the picky eater I am I didn't want to reheat a pattie so I cooked the other patties in the fridge on my grittle I say patties because I ate the last two. My dad just got home and asked what I made. I told him I made burgers for myself and the other pattie is still in the fridge after talking him this he went on to yell at me about me ”not paying bills” and ”not providing anything” and that I should have just microwaved the leftover pattie from last night to eat and now he's mad per usual.

I think he's being petty and frankly just an asshole. For further context yes I don't pay bills or provide for the family I'm a minor. I'm thirteen it's winter break at my school and I was hungry. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Equal-Year5768 on 2024-01-03 23:02:17+00:00.

I don't know if ages matter but I (F30) live with my wife and our two sons. We are homeowners and have had some trouble with our next door neighbors. They're a young nuclear family, two parents in their 30's with a little baby.

We aren't the type of neighbors to spy into yards or monitor what everyone is doing so we hadn't really noticed that their backyard is a pigsty, at least not until our fence panels had been broken. These neighbors had been piling trash and leaning it up against OUR fence, and eventually the sheer weight of it had just broken it, causing it all to spill into our yard. There were old pieces of wood, metal, garbage bags, pieces of furniture and just general clutter and crap.

I confronted the neighbors and informed them of what happened. I asked politely that they clear up the garbage and contribute some money towards a new fence. The husband said he'd sort it out, but after 2 weeks of no change, I knocked on their door again. The wife gave some excuse about how the baby has been crazy but that they would get rid of the garbage asap. Another 3 weeks and nothing. I knocked on their door at two different times, left messages on their ring doorbell and messaged them both on Facebook and it has been radio silence. They've also not given us any money for the fence but to be honest I don't even care.

After no response for another week, I took matters into my own hands. I loaded up THEIR garbage into my car and took it to the dump. They're now angry and said that we have no right to get rid of their stuff and it's still their property. When the wife turned up at our door we got into a small argument as she threatened me with small claims court, saying that we owe her and her husband money. I called her a Karen and told her if the stuff was so important she shouldn't have left it littered around in my yard where my kids play for over a month. She says that they would've gotten rid of it if they were given a chance, the nearest dump is over an hours drive away and they dont have all the time in the world. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Background_Egg107 on 2024-01-03 20:13:00+00:00.

My friend has been married for a year now to her firefighter husband. She is the only on in the friend group that is married. I usually host dinners every couple of months and we are going to do a late one for the holidays on Friday.

I usually invite him but money has gotten tight due to the holidays and he eats so much. I understand why but it always results in my having to double recipes or I run out of food. So this time I told everyone that I want to just do a girls night. This means my friends husband is not invited. If he isn’t there that their is enough food for everyone without double recipes

She called me up asking why I am doing a girls night, I told her the truth that I can’t afford to make double for dinner and her husband eats a lot. She called me a jag off and now she is telling my friends why. Everyone is split and no one is offering to help with the food bill.

Edit: I will give the group the option to Venmo me some money or change it to a potluck. Never mind I will be canceling it

I’ll get off Reddit so last response

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawaywifesboss23 on 2024-01-03 20:55:53+00:00.

For Context: My wife 29F has been working with this company for about 5-6 years. She onboarded with coworker 36M and they always got along. She left the company for a while and he helped her secure a full time position. Cool.

I’ve never really cared about their relationship because it’s always been strictly work and not much else. However this last year they seem to have grown closer. They are not on the same team but constantly messaging, giving work advice, she’s invited to his team lunches etc.

I don’t think there’s anything going on outside of work but I think it’s broaching inappropriate.

Down to the issue, it’s New Year Eve, he video chats her to take a shot for the New Year. They end the call saying see you, and they’ll bring gifts next in office day.

I ask my wife what she got him. She say she made him a shirt, which I do remember as I helped her just didn’t ask who it was for. The shirt had text bubbles and on it said, “Whose your favorite?” “Me, I’m my own favorite.” She said it was from a conversation they had.

I tell her she’s flirting. They’re both flirting. It sends the wrong message, shows to much effort. She denies it and said they are friends and that she always home makes gifts(true). That all they do is complain about work together and it’s nice to have someone in her corner. I tell her she can get him a Starbucks gift card them.

She thinks I’m being a controlling AH. But I think it’s seriously inappropriate. So AITA

Edit: Not allow, wrong wording. She can do whatever she wants but me stating what I’m uncomfortable with.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Background_Egg107 on 2024-01-03 20:13:00+00:00.

My friend has been married for a year now to her firefighter husband. She is the only on in the friend group that is married. I usually host dinners every couple of months and we are going to do a late one for the holidays on Friday.

I usually invite him but money has gotten tight due to the holidays and he eats so much. I understand why but it always results in my having to double recipes or I run out of food. So this time I told everyone that I want to just do a girls night. This means my friends husband is not invited. If he isn’t there that their is enough food for everyone without double recipes

She called me up asking why I am doing a girls night, I told her the truth that I can’t afford to make double for dinner and her husband eats a lot. She called me a jag off and now she is telling my friends why. Everyone is split and no one is offering to help with the food bill.

Edit: I will give the group the option to Venmo me some money or change it to a potluck. Never mind I will be canceling it

I’ll get off Reddit so last response

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dry_Avocado_6013 on 2024-01-03 19:44:49+00:00.

I want to thank everyone so much for your kind words. I didn’t think this would blow up as fast as it did or as much as it did. I’ve been wanting to reply to so many of you but I’ve been increasingly more unwell as the day goes on. I had to log off work early just to recover so seeing the validation and reassurance is unbelievably relieving. My boss is also letting me take a day or two off if I need. I work from home for obvious reasons but I might take her up on it as I’ve been so low energy.

Just to note, John is already in therapy and while I can’t find the person who made the comment, I will not be reaching out to his therapist but instead finding one for us or asking if I can join him with his. I didn’t realize it could come off as me being sneaky and I don’t want to add more crazy to this circus.

The only thing he’s said to me is letting me know that a package has arrived for me. I said to put it aside and he just left a thumbs up emoji. According to my neighbor/friend he bumped into John and John said he took the day off. The only reason I know this is because my neighbor (who wasn’t there when it happened) asked if I was okay. John said that he hopes so and that I wasn’t there before ending the conversation. They reached out to me and I let them know I was fine but didn’t go into details.

I don’t really know how to update this if anything happens later on this week but I’ll look it up. I have a feeling I’ll need people to talk to and right now, I have only my friend who is insisting I go straight to moving out.

Someone also mentioned possibly showing him this thread and I am actually considering it. We both keep our circle small for different reasons so having an outside opinion might help.

Thank you again and hopefully I have something better to update you all with.

—

I (29f) am married to “John”(29m)(3yrs married dated for 7yrs). Without going into too much detail I have multiple disabilities that leave me needing a wheelchair on occasion. Its genetic so I decided early in life that I didnt want to have kids because of it. I dont want to pass it on and it would be a huge risk to my body. My mom passed away when I was born and she also had it. John has always understood/agreed as he never saw himself as a dad. He and his brothers went into foster care due to his parents substance abuse. They were found alone fending for themselves.

Hes not sure about his father but his mother is back in his life after being clean for the past two years. Im happy for her as it is a huge problem in our state and not easy. My MIL has always been quirky but sometimes makes comments about my disabilities.

Recently she has been asking when we were having kids as she is desperate to be a grandma. I explained my side multiple times. John has also explained his side how he has always said no to kids and that we spoke about it multiple times before marriage. Lately she has been very persistent which I ignored.

On NYE we had a small party and since it was my own home I didnt need to use my chair. My MIL came and when she saw me was visibly upset. Shes mostly seen me in a chair (especially in the winter time as it can affect me more) and said that seeing me out of my chair surprised her. Again I ignored it its something Im used to.

In my friend group we do a NYE wish and share it out loud. When it was my MILs turn her exact words were “I wish for (my name) to finally put John first and give him the family he deserves” and I froze. When I asked why she would say that she said that she felt that I was lying to John about my illness and faking it to avoid giving him a kid and called me a bad wife.

I explained that I could pass away like my mom did and she said that it happens and if it did that she would take care of the baby. I admit that I was impulsive but hearing her be so casual about it made me rage especially since John wasnt intervening. Apparently she and John had been speaking about it as she believes he has to pass on his legacy and that Im holding him back.

I f*king lost it. I said “theres no legacy to pass. You chose drugs over your kids and then left them. Even if there was a chance of me having kids I wouldnt leave them to a drug addict that thinks my kids are there for her to try again” stormed out of the room and I went to bed crying.

Yesterday John said that he had been reconsidering the idea of kids because he wanted to be a better dad than his. I told him that if it was important that we could talk about fostering/adopting but he said MIL said they wouldnt be blood related so it didnt count. He and a few of my friends think I took it too far and while I somewhat agree I also feel like the idea of putting my life at risk because she wants a redo shouldnt be so casually glossed over.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Awkward_Nerve6154 on 2024-01-03 19:09:24+00:00.

My husband and I are expecting our first child. We moved to be closer to his family. I'm no contact with mine.

My mother in law has been referring to the baby as "her" baby this entire time. She will say things like "I can't wait for my baby to be born." "My baby is going to be so loved." This rubs me the wrong way for reasons I cannot explain, but my husband tells me to ignore her.

My MIL wanted to throw me a baby shower and invite her friends. She said they made an agreement a long time ago that they would celebrate each other's kids' weddings and births. My husband and I eloped and declined a reception for her friends since we don't know them. My MIL told me that I owed it to her to let her throw the baby shower since I hurt her friends' feelings by not having wedding reception. I asked if I could invite my friends, and she said no, that this was for her friends, and that if my friends wanted to throw me a shower they could. I reluctantly agreed.

My husband and I spent hours on our registry, and my MIL asked for it so she could share with her friends. She said she forwarded the registry on. She asked me what design I wanted on my cake and cookies. I told her flowers because I am decorating the nursery in a garden theme.

At the shower they provided me with a "mother to be" sash and my MIL a "granny to be" sash to wear. I noticed that the theme of the shower was circus animals. The cake had an elephant and balloons on it, and the cookies were animals. At first I thought that maybe the floral theme was just too difficult, so I rolled with it until it was time to open presents.

Every present was some sort of circus animal. Onesies, blankets, toys - nothing on my registry. I was a little confused and even went so far to check my registry to make sure I hadn't goofed up and changed everything. I thanked everyone for their gifts and tried to sound as gracious as possible, but I was so confused.

My husband, who is a little less tactful than I am, showed up at the end of the shower and noticed the theme right away. He goes "what's up with all the circus animals?" He looks at the presents and says, "This isn't what we asked for." Then he looked at his mom and goes "MOM. What did you do?"

She smiled and said, "I didn't like the theme you chose for my baby. I'm going to decorate my baby's nursery at my house with circus animals, so I created a registry for myself." My husband said, "YOU DID WHAT?" She says, "My baby is going to need a room at my house so I threw a shower for myself."

I lost my composure and told her that she would not see MY baby and to stop calling the baby hers, and my husband told his mom that she's delusional if she thinks we're going to allow this. She started crying and said we are just withholding her baby from her.

We've been getting texts from his family since the shower, calling us selfish and ungrateful and saying we ruined her joy of being a grandma.

Are we the AH?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dry_Avocado_6013 on 2024-01-03 19:44:49+00:00.

I want to thank everyone so much for your kind words. I didn’t think this would blow up as fast as it did or as much as it did. I’ve been wanting to reply to so many of you but I’ve been increasingly more unwell as the day goes on. I had to log off work early just to recover so seeing the validation and reassurance is unbelievably relieving. My boss is also letting me take a day or two off if I need. I work from home for obvious reasons but I might take her up on it as I’ve been so low energy.

Just to note, John is already in therapy and while I can’t find the person who made the comment, I will not be reaching out to his therapist but instead finding one for us or asking if I can join him with his. I didn’t realize it could come off as me being sneaky and I don’t want to add more crazy to this circus.

The only thing he’s said to me is letting me know that a package has arrived for me. I said to put it aside and he just left a thumbs up emoji. According to my neighbor/friend he bumped into John and John said he took the day off. The only reason I know this is because my neighbor (who wasn’t there when it happened) asked if I was okay. John said that he hopes so and that I wasn’t there before ending the conversation. They reached out to me and I let them know I was fine but didn’t go into details.

I don’t really know how to update this if anything happens later on this week but I’ll look it up. I have a feeling I’ll need people to talk to and right now, I have only my friend who is insisting I go straight to moving out.

Someone also mentioned possibly showing him this thread and I am actually considering it. We both keep our circle small for different reasons so having an outside opinion might help.

Thank you again and hopefully I have something better to update you all with.

—

I (29f) am married to “John”(29m)(3yrs married dated for 7yrs). Without going into too much detail I have multiple disabilities that leave me needing a wheelchair on occasion. Its genetic so I decided early in life that I didnt want to have kids because of it. I dont want to pass it on and it would be a huge risk to my body. My mom passed away when I was born and she also had it. John has always understood/agreed as he never saw himself as a dad. He and his brothers went into foster care due to his parents substance abuse. They were found alone fending for themselves.

Hes not sure about his father but his mother is back in his life after being clean for the past two years. Im happy for her as it is a huge problem in our state and not easy. My MIL has always been quirky but sometimes makes comments about my disabilities.

Recently she has been asking when we were having kids as she is desperate to be a grandma. I explained my side multiple times. John has also explained his side how he has always said no to kids and that we spoke about it multiple times before marriage. Lately she has been very persistent which I ignored.

On NYE we had a small party and since it was my own home I didnt need to use my chair. My MIL came and when she saw me was visibly upset. Shes mostly seen me in a chair (especially in the winter time as it can affect me more) and said that seeing me out of my chair surprised her. Again I ignored it its something Im used to.

In my friend group we do a NYE wish and share it out loud. When it was my MILs turn her exact words were “I wish for (my name) to finally put John first and give him the family he deserves” and I froze. When I asked why she would say that she said that she felt that I was lying to John about my illness and faking it to avoid giving him a kid and called me a bad wife.

I explained that I could pass away like my mom did and she said that it happens and if it did that she would take care of the baby. I admit that I was impulsive but hearing her be so casual about it made me rage especially since John wasnt intervening. Apparently she and John had been speaking about it as she believes he has to pass on his legacy and that Im holding him back.

I f*king lost it. I said “theres no legacy to pass. You chose drugs over your kids and then left them. Even if there was a chance of me having kids I wouldnt leave them to a drug addict that thinks my kids are there for her to try again” stormed out of the room and I went to bed crying.

Yesterday John said that he had been reconsidering the idea of kids because he wanted to be a better dad than his. I told him that if it was important that we could talk about fostering/adopting but he said MIL said they wouldnt be blood related so it didnt count. He and a few of my friends think I took it too far and while I somewhat agree I also feel like the idea of putting my life at risk because she wants a redo shouldnt be so casually glossed over.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Awkward_Nerve6154 on 2024-01-03 19:09:24+00:00.

My husband and I are expecting our first child. We moved to be closer to his family. I'm no contact with mine.

My mother in law has been referring to the baby as "her" baby this entire time. She will say things like "I can't wait for my baby to be born." "My baby is going to be so loved." This rubs me the wrong way for reasons I cannot explain, but my husband tells me to ignore her.

My MIL wanted to throw me a baby shower and invite her friends. She said they made an agreement a long time ago that they would celebrate each other's kids' weddings and births. My husband and I eloped and declined a reception for her friends since we don't know them. My MIL told me that I owed it to her to let her throw the baby shower since I hurt her friends' feelings by not having wedding reception. I asked if I could invite my friends, and she said no, that this was for her friends, and that if my friends wanted to throw me a shower they could. I reluctantly agreed.

My husband and I spent hours on our registry, and my MIL asked for it so she could share with her friends. She said she forwarded the registry on. She asked me what design I wanted on my cake and cookies. I told her flowers because I am decorating the nursery in a garden theme.

At the shower they provided me with a "mother to be" sash and my MIL a "granny to be" sash to wear. I noticed that the theme of the shower was circus animals. The cake had an elephant and balloons on it, and the cookies were animals. At first I thought that maybe the floral theme was just too difficult, so I rolled with it until it was time to open presents.

Every present was some sort of circus animal. Onesies, blankets, toys - nothing on my registry. I was a little confused and even went so far to check my registry to make sure I hadn't goofed up and changed everything. I thanked everyone for their gifts and tried to sound as gracious as possible, but I was so confused.

My husband, who is a little less tactful than I am, showed up at the end of the shower and noticed the theme right away. He goes "what's up with all the circus animals?" He looks at the presents and says, "This isn't what we asked for." Then he looked at his mom and goes "MOM. What did you do?"

She smiled and said, "I didn't like the theme you chose for my baby. I'm going to decorate my baby's nursery at my house with circus animals, so I created a registry for myself." My husband said, "YOU DID WHAT?" She says, "My baby is going to need a room at my house so I threw a shower for myself."

I lost my composure and told her that she would not see MY baby and to stop calling the baby hers, and my husband told his mom that she's delusional if she thinks we're going to allow this. She started crying and said we are just withholding her baby from her.

We've been getting texts from his family since the shower, calling us selfish and ungrateful and saying we ruined her joy of being a grandma.

Are we the AH?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MaxVasiliievv on 2024-01-03 17:52:27+00:00.

To make a long story short, my [M36] wife [F35] has two brothers. One of them I have a good relationship with and the other one, let's call him [M38] Kyle, is a real pain in the ass. When I first started dating my wife, I thought he was just an overprotective brother, but then it went too far.

Kyle is very fond of my wife, I mean his sister. I don't mean anything bad, their love is brother and sister love and nothing weird, but he loves her way too much. He's addicted to her, he idolizes her. And he could never forgive me for "stealing" his sister. Kyle even has his own wife and life, but he continues to hate me and thinks there are guys in the world more deserving of his sister than me.

He tells me all of this right to my face. He can't stand me so much that he treats my kid worse than his brother's kids. He gives gifts to his brother's kids but not mine. One time my daughter was visiting him with my other brother-in-law's sons and she came back upset. I asked what was wrong and she said that Uncle Kyle gave the boys ice cream for dessert, but not her. I would love to cut off my daughter's interaction with her Uncle Kyle, but my wife insists that he is her relative and he is "just jealous".

I can't write what happened last month or I'll get blocked, but I will say that in December, there was another altercation between Kyle and I that resulted in my broken laptop.

After that, I decided that I would cut off all relations with Kyle. His wife had a baby a couple days ago.

My wife asked me what I would give his baby at the party Kyle was throwing. I told her I wasn't giving anything to Kyle or his baby. I said I wasn't coming to Kyle's party at all. My wife insisted that I had to show up to the party and give a gift.

I said I wouldn't do it for two reasons. First, Kyle never gives gifts to my daughter. Second, Kyle broke my laptop and even if I wanted to give the stupid gift, I wouldn't have enough money because I have to buy a new laptop.

My wife doesn't understand this and keeps saying that Kyle just has a hard temper, that he's just jealous, that I should treat him with understanding.

Am I really an asshole?