Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SpecialAd5683 on 2024-01-03 17:03:15+00:00.

32m. I've been with my wife for 6 years and we have a 3 month old daughter. For the past year my mom has been battling with severe depression following the incarceration of my brother. He lived with her when he got locked up and she's never lived alone, so it took a toll on her mentally. He's in prison for 19 years so I don't see it changing anytime soon either. I helped her get in to therapy 6 months or so ago, following my wife making a comment about not wanting my mother here every single day. To be completely fair to my wife, it was in fact getting exhausting. My mom would show up at various times during the day without notice and hang out for hours because she didn't want to be alone and entertaining her every single day was getting super irritating. Especially given that my wife and I had zero down time or alone time. So, anyways, I got my mom in to therapy.

For the past 4 months my mom has still been stopping by but it's not nearly as frequent. She got a boyfriend now so she's only been stopping by once or twice a week and doesn't stay for more than an hour. My wife still hates it but she said she will take this over how it was any day. But 2 days ago my mom showed up in hysterics. She was completely inconsolable. Her and her BF were fighting and I guess it just made all her mental anguish flood back. She asked if she could stay the night. I ran it by my wife who said "whatever" and locked herself away in the bedroom (she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before). I told my mom "you can stay the night but you need to leave in the morning. I'm going to be honest with you, my wife doesn't want you here. She hasn't been sleeping and this is inconvenient." She said she would leave first thing in the morning. But the next day she was even worse than the night before. She was freaking out and hyperventilating because she didn't want to go home to an empty house. Said she hadn't slept at all. She was afraid of driving on no sleep, etc and asked if she could take a nap in our bed so she could be rested for the drive (our couch, where she slept, was not comfortable). My wife said that was fine but she had better be gone by the time we got back from grocery and other errands. We left at 10am. Got home at 8pmband my mom was still sleeping in our bed. The baby was super fussy and my wife was livid. She said "go wake her the fuck up and tell her to leave or I'm going to lose my shit. This is unacceptable." I tried waking my mom but she kept saying "5 more minutes" and turning away. My wife just looked at me and said "I'm done with this bullshit" and packed up the baby again and left for a hotel. She said she won't come back until I go no contact with my mom and cut the umbilical chord because my mom didn't get out of my bed until nearly midnight and then went back to sleep on the couch instead of leaving. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mfuckerdoomslayer on 2024-01-03 16:42:27+00:00.

My(18f) dad (43m) is a fan of collecting consoles and playing video games, when the PS5 came out, he gave me his PS4 Pro, saying that I inherited it and that I should take care of it, and in many arguments, he said that it was MY ps4, so he made me understand that he gave it to me as a gift.

I have two consoles, an Xbox and the PS4, but I always tend to use my PS4 more for reasons of comfort and because Overwatch works better for me there and I'm about to get the platinum for Assassins Creed 2 and Red Dead Redemption 2.

Yesterday I was playing a competitive Overwatch when my dad came to ask me if Overwatch was working well for me on the Xbox, to which I told him no since for some reason, it was starting to lag when i played (which I tried on my sister's Xbox and it's the same problem). He told me that that was impossible but that the issue was that he wanted MY PS4 back, since he was going to chip it (basically he is going to "hack" it to be able to install games without having to buy them). Obviously I told him no and gave him my reasons, but he said no and that he wants my PS4.

I told my mom this and she came up with the argument that my sister doesn't have two consoles so my dad is making it even, to which my sister jumped in and said that she didn't give a shit about having one or two consoles, If I am more comfortable with the PS4, I should keep it, since it is mine, my mom stayed silent and didn't say anything.

I cried, screamed and got mad because if I knew that my dad was going to ask me for it 3 YEARS LATER, then I should've kept the PS3 and this problem didn't happen. So I got angry with both of them and I don't speak to them and if I do, it is in a curt way, since I am angry with them (yeah with my mom too).

So, AITA?

EDIIIT / UPDATE / WHATEVER THIS IS: he came to my room and barked saying "I'm not going to take your play, so don't act mad at me." i'm SO confused with this man right now, so i'll keep playing rdr2 cause it's my comfort game

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Leather-Transition60 on 2024-01-03 16:11:06+00:00.

My fiancés mother is a Jack of all trades; LPN, hairdresser, and dog groomer. Currently she is an LPN for work, and she’s in her mid 50s. She only cuts hair from her house now.

I love her very much, but personally, I believe she has outdated hairstyling techniques. She seems to give very exact, bowl type cuts for men, and they tend to poof out on the sides as well. Whenever my fiancé gets a haircut from his mom, I don’t really like it, but he insists to “not hurt her feelings”. I have swallowed my words for 4 years every haircut he gets, but my wedding is where I want to draw the line.

I have had her cut my hair a couple of times, and the last time she cut my hair, I had her take length off. I am biracial and have curly hair, so I advised her to kind of leave more than she normally would for straight hair. I woke up the next morning and my hair was poofy as a poodle. I looked like Dora pretty much. It was shorter than chin length, and I wanted it to touch my shoulders. That was the first time I have ever received an undesirable haircut (my mother is also a hairdresser, mid 40s, and it is her main source of income) so it was very devastating for me. Took me a year to grow out all of the issues with the length, and my bangs also were cut very short, way shorter than desired. Ever since then, I am honestly traumatized and I don’t let her cut my hair anymore. I never told her how I felt to spare her feelings, but I’m sure she knows I don’t want my hair cut by her anymore since it’s been over a year since she did it last.

To add to this, his mother is very much a worry wart, and she seems very perfectionist, so often times she cuts more and more and more off your head because she wants it to look even. This type of thing worries me and is probably why I had such short hair after my last cut with her.

Every woman dreams of this day, and I want our wedding photos to be beautiful. I just want to see his hair in a more up-to-date hairstyle than I believe his mom can give him, at least for our wedding photos. It matters very much to me.

AITA for requesting that my fiancé goes to a younger, more up to date hairdresser before our wedding date? He claims that it will hurt her feelings, which may be true, but isn’t our wedding about us?

EDIT/ UPDATE: Well, he says he is willing to give a new stylist a try for the wedding!

By the way, by no means is his right to his body being taken away from him, and he wasn’t “forced”. My fiancé was just expressing being worried to upset his mom, and I wanted to know if that makes me an AH for asking him.

Thanks for your input everyone!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mikan21 on 2024-01-03 15:49:39+00:00.

(edited for clarity!)

Three friends and I (27F) were invited to a high school friend Rene's (27F) wedding. R is currently based in California, and we are all based overseas. Rene wants us all to be bridesmaids and is also expecting us to plan the bachelorette party. While we were all close friends in high school, we have all grown a bit apart, and are not in frequent contact with Rene. While we all love her, our relationship has changed a bit from the "best friends that are constantly together" friendship that we had in high school.We calculated the cost of this wedding and have concluded that it will roughly take 3-4K USD overall for the trip, which would be minimum 5 days due to travel time. Rene has not offered to help us with the cost of the trip, and if we all go this will be a huge hit for us financially, and we would have to take multiple PTOs as well.

If Rene is not willing to pitch in, we realistically cannot go, but Rene seems to think that since we have been best friends for so long, we should be there for her special day. She has talked about wanting to have her wedding in California since we were teenagers, and we all know that her dream included us as her bridesmaids. We plan on telling her that while we love her, we cannot afford to go financially. We are worried that she will get offended that all of her bridesmaids do not think that her wedding is worth the time and effort.

She also comes from a very well-off family, as does her fiancé. She is currently in grad school and does not have an income. She has mentioned the fact that she is "poor" to us multiple times, but as she does not have experience working or growing up with an average income, she does not seem to understand how significant the cost of this trip would be for us.

We don't want to offend her or ruin our friendship, but our friendship is also not at a state where we can happily dish out 3-4K USD for her. I feel like putting this ultimatum on her, especially for something as important as her wedding could be an asshole move, especially as she does not have an income at the moment. WIBTA if I tell my friend that if she doesn't pitch in, all of her bridesmaids will not be able to go to her wedding?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Temperature_8020 on 2024-01-03 04:38:22+00:00.

My (23M) sister just turned 16 years old. She has beautiful natural red hair, and has been growing it for about 5-6 years. My parents have not allowed her to cut or dye her hair as they don’t want her to ruin her natural beauty. I will preface this is not a family tradition or religious thing, they just like her natural hair. For her 16th birthday she decided to cut it from the middle of her butt to about her shoulder blades. My step dad’s daughter (whom I am not close with nor claim as my sibling. We’ll call her Ashley) was supposed to show up with her husband and 2 kids with a specially prepared birthday cake. Ashley has been decorating detailed specialized cakes for about 10 years now. She committed to bringing to cake as well as going to go get dinner, but canceled last minute because it “Didn’t fit in her schedule.” This hurt my sister’s feelings, so I went and bought Bundt Cakes for her with birthday candles to cheer her up. Ashley sent her mother to our house to deliver the cake while we were out. After we finished eating my other sister (19) had made a post with a picture of my sister on her Facebook wishing her a Happy Birthday. Ashley made a comment on the post stating “Happy Birthday, I love you, but you’ll regret cutting your hair. Your parents are ridiculous for letting you do something so stupid.”

In my eyes this comment was completely uncalled for and rude to say to a teen on her birthday. There should never be a “but” after “I love you”. We left the restaurant and on the way home I responded to this mean girl hate comment saying “Keep your negative, rude comments of my sister’s appearance to your damn self instead of commenting them on Facebook. Say Happy Birthday and move the fuck on.” When we got home I tried tell my mom about what I had said in response to her comment and Stepdad interjected, loudly disagreeing with my involvement in the problem and telling me that it’s “Not my place to say anything.” I responded that “As her big brother it is my place to defend her from anyone in or out of this family from disrespecting her and commenting on her appearance.” I later received a message from Ashley saying “Our relationship is completely over, until you apologize so fuck you. You do not disrespect me, (sister’s name spelt incorrectly) is old enough to call me and say that hurt her feelings. You just have really big Facebook balls. Peace Out!” I had no way of responding to the message as she blocked me from responding.

So, am I the asshole for defending my teenage sister from a grown woman leaving a rude comment of her appearance?

I feel personally that no matter who says anything rude about my sister I’m going to stand up for her and speak my mind. And there was no relationship with Ashley to begin with, so nothing was lost here. Stepdad is still mad and thinks I crossed the line for standing up to her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Swimming-Appeal-8798 on 2024-01-03 15:18:59+00:00.

I (15F) have an older brother (23M) who is my favorite person. We share a mom but have different dads. My dad was his stepdad but my brother and dad were not close and when our mom died several years ago my brother chose to finish high school at our grandparents house and not live with dad and me. My dad remarried a year after mom died and my stepmom has a daughter who is 3 years younger than me and then I have two half siblings from them.

My brother is still a very big part of my life. I see him all the time. I go to his house whenever I can. I make sure I see him every Christmas no matter what else is going on. He's the family I will always prioritize and he has been great to me. If I could live with him easily, I would.

My dad and stepmom don't like how much time I spend with my brother but they also dislike that my brother buys stuff for me and doesn't ever get anything for the other kids here or even treats them like family. He has nothing to do with anyone else in the house.

Things kind of bubbled over during Christmas when my stepsister was upset that I went to my brother's Christmas Eve and then her grandparents (stepmom's parents) came over and I wasn't there and missed out on "family time". I was kind of glad to miss it honestly. I'd rather be with my brother and my dad is always such a pain when his ILs are there because he wants me to call them grandma and grandpa.

My dad and stepmom sat me down a couple of days after Christmas and told me I need to stop putting my brother before everyone else because it comes across as him being first in my life instead of everyone being equal. I told them he is first though and always was. I told them nothing has changed for me. They said he shouldn't be my priority when it comes to siblings at least because I have four siblings altogether and not just one. I didn't argue with them after that and they were pissed. I know my stepmom told dad afterward to let me live with him to spare the other kids but he said he couldn't do that or they'd never see me again. She asked if that would be such a bad thing because clearly I don't care about any of them.

Their disagreement led to me being told again a few days later that I was behaving badly and shouldn't have said what I did. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ZakoThrow11305 on 2024-01-02 20:37:08+00:00.

I have an online friend. Let's say his pseudonym is Alex. Alex is a young man from West America who loves Japan and Japanese culture. He is Hispanic American but looks Caucasian. I am Japanese and met him through a game called VRChat. His Japanese is quite good and he uses VRChat as a good learning tool. However, lately I have been avoiding him because he seems to have made me part of his fetish. He constantly talks about how beautiful Japanese women are and how he wants to have sex with them. He often compares my friends and me to anime girls and Japanese women in porn. He asks me what I like and what is typical for sex, but I don't know because I am not interested in that kind of thing.

He seems completely enamored with Japan. He came to Tokyo for a semester as a college exchange student, which seems to have made him more extreme. He recently graduated from college and is looking for a programming job in Japan. I think his degree is in computer science or programming. I don't know the difference.

In any case, I was watching my friend, Cody, play Apex Legends on discord and Alex requested me to show him around Tokyo, a city he still has much to see and experience. I said yes out of kindness but I don't really like talking to him anymore as he now says he only wants talk about having sex with Japanese women. Alex said he would rather die alone than marry a non-Japanese woman and that later he wants to die in Japan at a Japanese funeral. He also said at this point that he had just been trying to get a degree so he could get a good job in Japan and raise a half Japanese child in Japan. At this point I snapped and said that if the only people he could relate to about Japan were Japanese women, then the Japanese would not want a pervert like him.

Alex left the discord call and Cody told me that I was correct. Later, word was spread in the discord server that I was rude and friends Jen and Mary said I was “kinkshaming” his interest in Japan. Was I the rude person?

   Thank you for your help. Sorry for my English as I am using DeepL translation for accuracy.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ButterscotchTime1551 on 2024-01-02 19:18:25+00:00.

I (26f) have a cousin "Mia" (27f). We have been close friends since highschool. Mia comes from a very wealthy family and is due to inherit her father's company in a few years.

Since highschool Mia was in a relationship with "Derek" (27m) and everyone believed they will get married, but something didn't work out and they broke up in May this year. In June Mia started a new job to get some experience so she can deal with her family's company when the times comes and that's when she met Mike (47m, also the CEO of the company she works at). In July she told me they are dating and in August she has announced she is pregnant with Mike's child. Mike has proposed to her that day and Mia asked me to be her maid of honour. I have asked for some time to think about it.

Now I understand it is her life, but her entire relationship with Mike makes me very uncomfortable. Not only he has a daughter older then Mia, but the speed of the relationship too. Mia doesn't see anything wrong with it, but to me and a few of her other friends it feels as if she is being used by him.

The wedding is at the end of January and after celebrating Christmas with her and Mike and his children (he has 2 sons who are a year younger than Mia, and 3 daughters, 30, 21 and 17) and seeing them interact I realised I can not be at Mia's wedding. Seeing them interacting just looks wrong and Mike is more suited to be Mia's dad not future husband.

I have told Mia that and said I will not be present at the wedding neither as a bridesmaid nor as a guest. Mia ended up crying and calling me an unreliable asshole (no orders for the dresses were made as Mia decided on the date of the wedding only recently). Her immediate family are on her side, but some of the common friends feel the same way as I am.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/kickeduout on 2024-01-03 15:00:07+00:00.

Im a 31 male.

I usually host Ny partys at my house, i have a... considerate ammount of amiibo figures that i have collected over the years, enclosed in a glass showcase that has a key. I keep it locked because two of my female friends have kids and i like having them over, its fine.

The thing is, i have three mom friends in my group. Lets call her Lucy, has a 6 year old son. And at last new year (2022/2023) i forgot the key in the showcase and he played with my amiibos, just playing tho, would have been fine, but he ripped them off the bases, damaging a few (link became legless) i complained and asked forher to pay me back for the damaged ones, but she just ridiculed it and brushed it off.

So this year out of a small ammount of spite, i didnt invite her. No one at the party even seemed to notice.

Today, i get the angry text, saying that she really likes my party and its a shame i forgot she was my friend and why didin't i invite her. i said it was because of what happened last year, that i didn't want her child near my collection again. she said i was childish (wich i admit that regarding some aspects of my personality and regarding damaging my stuff, i am) and said i was an AH and that that wasn't a reason to not invite someone and that her child was just playing.

Some friends say that it's ok, that it's understandable (even my two other friends with kids that have known me for years understand) and others agree that im the AH. So reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway_aita8878 on 2024-01-03 14:36:20+00:00.

Izzy (27F) and I (26F) have been friends since we were born. We were practically raised together. We were closer in college, but after that we have been drifting apart a little but I still had a strong bond with her up until recently. She has been there for me a lot and I have too so its tough, this situation.

After college, when Izzy was like 23, she went on a few dates with Jake (my fiancé) but then told him she wasn't interested in anything serious. Even though I was her best friend, I didn't really know Jake because she used to get asked out a lot, but only a few turned serious. So I knew about her boyfriends, but not necessarily her dates.

Almost a year after that, I moved in with Izzy and so we got close again. It was after this that I met Jake. We quickly became good friends. I used to talk about him to Izzy a lot, but its when I showed her his picture that she recognised him and told me about her dates with him. Friendships were more important to me that any guy back then so I asked her if it was okay to date him because I liked him a lot. She said she had no problem and joked about it ever turning into a relationship, which I took as a joke.

Jake and I became serious very quick, he is my soulmate. By then though, Izzy and I lost touch a bit since I moved in with Jake, and work became more of a priority. Right until I got engaged, she used to still joke to both me and Jake that she didn't think we would be this into each other, and at that time I saw it as funny because Jake is the opposite of me. After I got engaged, she became very weird. She was very shocked, and would not believe it. Then later she used to tell me I'm too young to be married and if I'm sure, but I saw this as just concern. Although she agreed to be my MOH along with my sister.

Afterwards, I posted on my Instagram about our engagement and people were reposting it and congratulating us. But Izzy just captioned it saying "you better mention me in your vows because he was into me first haha". Jake felt very uncomfortable, and so did I but I defended her saying that, its just izzy, she jokes around a lot. But I still let her know that it was a bit uncomfortable and she said that she was just joking.

After Christmas, we hosted a dinner party and that day, izzy just kept telling all the friends and family gathered that Jake dated her first, she let me have him, stuff like that. Even after telling her it was not okay, she joked around. Later I told her that she was crossing my boundaries and that it was not okay, to which she said I was overreacting. In the end I told her to not attend my wedding at all.

I have been overthinking a lot after that. Right now, people who know about this are just choosing sides based on who they know more. I'm worried I'm ruining a lifelong friendship when I'm not even right. What if to her it really was just a joke and I'm not being understanding. But she is not being supportive or positive, which I think is unfair. I'm confused.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Agile-Satisfaction75 on 2024-01-03 14:31:17+00:00.

I’m so tired, my son and my DIL are staying with me to save money. I cook and we have a serve yourself policy. The thing is she will eat a lot more than me. For example I made chicken, I would eat only one chicken breast she would have three. Basically she eats a lot more than me and I don’t substitute for lower calorie stuff. I’m not going to use skim milk instead of cream for example.

She is overweight and has been going on about how it doesn’t make sense that I am much smaller. I asked if she was joking and she confirmed that she didn’t understand why she is gaining weight. I told her that she eats a lot more than me so of course she is bigger.

This started an argument about how I am shaming her and not being a good host. My son wants me to apologize but I find it ridiculous and this is common sense.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/New_Honey_5340 on 2024-01-03 14:19:49+00:00.

So my friendship group is currently in shambles over this situation so I’m looking for some outside opinions.

The two main people are my (24F) friends Alex (25M) and Lia (24F). They hooked up and now Lia is pregnant but Alex isn’t happy about it. Alex and Lia have always been weirdly close but they’ve never crossed the friendship line and clearly for good reason because the whole thing has been messy as hell since Lia told him she was pregnant. He asked her to get rid of it and she said no, so he asked her not to tell his family about the baby yet but she went ahead and told them.

The majority of our friendship group thinks she baby trapped him for money since her family don’t have much and Alex’s are more than comfortable. I originally was defending her but then while she was ranting to me about what a jackass Alex is, she said the only thing Alex would be good for was money and that her baby wouldn’t need him as a father. She kept talking about Alex, money and him being an ATM for a good 30 minutes.

The conversation left a bad taste in my mouth so I was discussing it with Charlotte, my best friend and Alex’s ex, and we both agreed that it seems like Lia only cares about the money and I said I was starting to agree with the friends who think she baby trapped him for money. Unfortunately, Charlotte mentioned it to a few other friends who told others and it’s gotten back to Lia. She hasn’t said a single thing to me and the only reason I know she now hates me is because Alex, of all people, confronted me about it and she blocked me.

He told me to leave Lia alone and tried to guilt me because she’s pregnant and needs her friends right now but he’s the one causing her the most stress. He said if I (or anyone else) said anything else about her we’d have to deal with him so most people are now denying ever saying she baby trapped him so I feel like I’m being thrown under the bus here. Charlotte said he’s only playing hero because his family are all on his case now because Lia keeps running to them so he has no choice but to act like he cares.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Complex_Bed_5886 on 2024-01-03 13:54:08+00:00.

I (36f) was on the phone with my mother the other day, growing up we had a vacation home at the Jersey shore. Out of no where she talks about how she and dad tried very hard to make good vacations with us but it "wasn't easy with a disabled child" (I have two younger sister, one with high needs nonverbal autism who passed away 5 years ago she was 2 years younger than me, and another NT sidtet who is 28) my mother does tend to have a victim-martyr complex that I try my best not to enable without causing a huge argument. I have CPTSD from her but I have to hide my symptoms as much as possible from my parents because they get upset with me for having it because "they did the best they could" (they don't seem to understand that it's not a choice no matter how super gently I explain it)

I just said "yeah it definitely wasn't easy" and she said 'what do u mean" I knew this wouldn't end well I said "what? I was just agreeing with you' she kept pressing I said

"Okay you want the truth? This whole experience has made me hate the Jersey shore. You and Dad were constantly bickering, we could only do what (sister with autism) wanted to do, we often had to leave early bc of her meltdowns, we had to take off our belts in the middle of the freeway and sit on the edge of our seats so she couldn't reach us (this was a minivan we were in the middle she was in the back), you never had to sit in the back with her we did, and I had to play body guard to my youngest sister and stay locked in my room even in my vacation home for hours on end to stay safe. At least at home my bedroom door had a lock."

I was called ungrateful and spoilt because "most kids never got a vacation home" I said I never asked for one and would've gladly traded it in for a safer and more normal childhood.

My dad and other sister said I should've told her "a little white lie" and told her vacations were great, but she's gotten mad at me in the past for "lying" too so I can do no right. She gets mad at me for lying but can't handle the truth.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Euphoric-Fly2678 on 2024-01-03 13:40:41+00:00.

My wife is Eve. She's the oldest of five. She has two sister's and two brothers. The SIL in question is the middle child Paula. Paula had her son in early December and upon his arrival announced that he was named after their maternal grandfather David. The name was not only a very big shock to the family but everyone with the exception of my wife ignored that she even announced the name at all and focused on the baby.

The reason the name was such a big deal is their grandfather was a horrible man. Eve faced the worst of him. But the whole family had to deal with how terrible he was as a person. He died 6 years ago and the family celebrated his passing. There wasn't a single member (maybe except Paula after this) who didn't feel like the world had one less evil person in it. This was a guy who was in jail and would have been serving a long sentence had he been younger/lived a lot longer. Eve required a lot of therapy to get over the stuff that happened with him. The rest of the family had their own journeys.

After hearing Paula named her son after him, Eve made it clear Paula was no longer her sister and she would not be having an active relationship with her and that she should ignore her from this point on.

The rest of the family never said a word about the name but voiced displeasure to us. They also understood Eve saying Paula and her will no longer be family. We might see her at big family things but Eve won't speak to Paula again.

The rest of the family have seen Paula and her son on a number of occasions and over Christmas we saw her but didn't really speak. That is until Paula was bitching that everyone was so loving and doting to her son but refused to acknowledge the name to her. She acted like they were unreasonable for not having nice things to say about the name. I told her she should be lucky they ignored the name instead of complaining that they showered her son in love because naming him after their grandfather was always going to be a hard pill to swallow. I walked away then but she complained the rest of the time that I was an AH. Eve told me she's so self centered for being so pissed about that when I spoke the truth. None of my other ILs were upset either. But Paula and her husband acted like I had egregiously wronged Paula.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/uhhhhhhhhhnoo on 2024-01-03 12:51:40+00:00.

This year I actually felt like celebrating my birthday and I even found activities I wanted to do. I told my boyfriend these activities and that I’d like to celebrate either the Saturday or Sunday before my birthday with my friends and some of his. My birthday is on a Monday but I have lectures and would just like to have dinner out with him in the evening. He hadn’t made the reservations yet but I found out that a friend in his group (I’m still going to know them) was planning to visit that weekend into the next week (the Friday to Tuesday).

When this friend reached out to me, I learned that this was planned months in advance and that my boyfriend knew. He didn’t mention these plans to me before. I let his friend know that my birthday was the Monday but we haven’t made reservations yet, and that we’ll figure that out and let him know when we’ll stop by.

I talked to my boyfriend about this and he said he forgot but ultimately he agreed to start booking reservations (it’s about two months away). Things turned sour once it was time for him to actually send invitations. He asked me if I could celebrate my birthday the week before, to which I said no because that’s the weekend after Valentine’s Day and likely when we’ll celebrate.

He suggested that I celebrate the weekend after my birthday, but I refused because I didn’t think I should have to change when I celebrate- after all, his friend would be in town for the weekend into the next week. He got heated calling me selfish for not changing when I celebrate. He said I’m forcing his friends (only three) in that group (it’s a fairly large group) to pick between the group events for that day or my birthday plans. I suggested we do something with those friends separately after the weekend, but then he said that meant they’d miss my original birthday plans and that’s selfish of me to not consider their FOMO and to just change my plans to a different day.

Mind you, those friends were wonderful and had already decided to skip the group events for that day since they’ll have multiple days for other activities. The only person with the problem is my boyfriend. I told him that it’s not like he’s going to stay with them at their Airbnb the entire time, but he said he wants to and threatened to move my activities since he was planning and he can do what he wants. I got frustrated and told him I no longer felt like celebrating my birthday and he said, “problem solved”.

Throughout this interaction he was shaking and angry. I tried to keep calm until he texted his friend who wanted to celebrate with me that I only my him and my friends there. I had been calm until then when I called him a fucking liar for phrasing it like I didn’t want them there with me.

So Reddit, AITA for not having caved and just changed the weekend I want to celebrate my birthday? Please let me know if you have any questions or need clarification on anything. Thank you for your time.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRAKiryKye115 on 2024-01-03 11:59:28+00:00.

My (24F) fiance (25M) proposed to me on Christmas eve 2023. We have a maternity shoot coming up in a few weeks from now and so we decided it would be cute to have some official engagement photos taken as part of the shoot, which we would then use to announce our engagement on social media. Of course, we still told our closest family and a couple of our closest friends. We were on holiday when we got engaged and only came home a couple of days before the wedding, so we didn't run into anyone we knew in person who would have seen the ring and asked about it.

The first time we met up with everyone since we got back was at the wedding of a childhood family friend. She's not one of the people who was aware of my engagement, and the majority of guests were family members and friends I had known for a long time, but were not in the inner circle of people we had told. So, whenever I went up to chat to them, they would notice the ring and congratulate me and my fiance on our engagement. One friend of ours made a small scene and told all of our friends in the vicinity (there were about 5-6 people), and they all circled around me to look at the ring and congratulate me.

At this point I felt pretty bad that the attention wasn't on the bride so once that group cleared I took the ring off and placed it in my clutch for the rest of the night. But by then the damage was done, and the word had spread and for the rest of the night I had people coming up and congratulating me.

By the time I got to the bride to congratulate her and celebrate her marriage with her she was really upset with me, basically telling me that it was so selfish of me to flaunt my engagement at her wedding, and she accused me of purposely taking the limelight off her. She thought I had purposely kept my engagement secret for the sole purpose of revealing it at her wedding, and accused me of being a liar when I explained myself.

I understand I probably should have never worn the ring there in the first place, but I had had it on for a week so it didn't ever cross my mind to take it off until it was too late. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Embarrassed-Suit-194 on 2024-01-03 11:52:31+00:00.

My apartment is right across some student dorms. As in, if I look out on my window I can see their rooms and vice versa. Literally only the road separates us. If you'd have a long enough stick you could get across. You get it. In front of my building it's the parking (reserved only for the building's tennants) where I also park my car.

I've always joked that when I'll get to college I'll have a classmate across me and low and behold it happened. One day we went to an event and upon returning I offered to give the boy who was living at the said dorm a ride (free of charge) back home since I was literally going in the same place.

He accepted and when we arrived, I didn't stop in front of his door (that would've included a U turn), neither at the closest crossroad (which was at the end of the parking), but I entered the parking and parked MY car in the front of MY home, leaving him (who just got a free car ride in a cold winter night) to walk for like 2 minutes. He could either jaywalk on the road or quickly go to the crossroad and get across the street.

He widened his eyes seeing me parking the car and said I've dropped him quite far. I laughed it off thinking it was a joke (a bad one still) but he legit took it serious. I told him to go to the crossroad and he sighed as if it was a couple miles away.

We parted ways as I was still weirded out by the interaction. Later that week I heard he told some other people I dropped him very far and he had to walk 2 streets to get home and that IT WOULDN'T HAVE KILLED ME to stop at the crossroad directly, diminishing his walk by much, but I chose not to. Again, the crossroad is at the end of the parking lot which isn't very big, it's like the equivalent of 10-15 cars in length. I didn't confront him, but at the next occasion to come back together, I was also dropping off another friend (who lived down the block so he definitely had to walk) but when he prepared to come with us I politely explained there was no reason to, because I would drop him too far away anyways. He thought I was joking this time, but I reiterated what he said and emphasized on the fact that I can't stop at the crossroad. I sort of left him there and me and my friend stepped in the car and drove away.

I maybe was a little rude, but I think he deserved it. I'm not about to do someone a service and then have him trash talk me. However was it too much? Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/False-Importance7045 on 2024-01-03 10:02:55+00:00.

My girlfriend Ember (20F) and I (20M) went to her family for Christmas. We started dating over 2 years ago and I met her family on their first visit to the college and they included me in lunch. Ever since I have kept in regular contact with them and when they visit Ember, they make sure they spend some time with me as well. They are really awesome people and have made me feel so included. They even buy me gifts for my birthday and Christmas.

Ember and I moved in together in July and her family flew out to help us set up. They were so incredibly helpful to us and they invited us to Christmas dinner at that point. I say us but I really mean me since Ember goes to them anyway. It meant so much to me and I immediately said yes.

My mom was bothered by it when I told her and she put pressure on me to change my mind and go "home" right up until Christmas. I always told her I was going to Ember's family and never wavered or made this unclear to her. She just assumed I would choose her anyway.

So there's some background to this I should explain right here. I come from a "blended" family. I say "blended" because it really wasn't very well blended lol. My mom had me, met my stepdad when I was 2 or 3. He was a widower with a 6 and 8 year old. They got married. They also had two children together. My mom's family were never part of my life. They were in and out of jail for various things so mom didn't include them. I never knew my father or his family. My stepdad's family never saw me as one of their own. My stepsiblings had family from their mom's side who were very involved too. And growing up I always felt very out of place and like I didn't belong anywhere. My step and half siblings all had at least one set of grandparents who adored them and they had a great relationship with. I had no extended family. My stepsiblings never saw me as their brother and were distant. I was around both stepdad's family and his first wife's family and I always felt awkward. I was overlooked. Any inclusion was lesser than full inclusion other kids in the family had. I got it, especially with my stepsiblings family, but it would have been easier to stay at home. My mom never really got it or had much to say about it and my stepdad was never someone I felt I could talk to.

Anyway, going home was not something I felt good about because I normally had to see all these people who didn't really want me. Christmas 2022 was rough for that very reason. I loved my Christmas with Ember's family though. Mom was so pissed at me for choosing to go there instead of home. She said we're not married yet and we're still so young we should be with our own family for Christmas. I told her I went there because I actually feel like I'm part of the family instead of being around a huge extended "blended" family where nobody fucking wants me. My mom told me that wasn't fair and she always wants me and so do my siblings. She told me I was saying things to be hurtful and that was unfair.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Informal-Cup-1892 on 2024-01-03 09:35:15+00:00.

So I(18) had my three friends over. Charlie(18M), Freddy(18) and Ollie(18) for a small late Christmas get together. I grew up in poverty, single parent and etc. My friend Freddy and Ollie also grew up in poverty or lower middle class. Charlie on the over hand did not, his family went to Germany regularly(and still does..), has a multiple story house, has a in home cleaning service, and his family is very well off where sometimes it feels unreal.

Well myself, Freddy, Ollie and Charlie were laughing and Ollie brought a meme about being poor. Something about using a bread slice has a bun. Which doesn’t classify has a broke thing, but was just what helped lead the conversation on.

Ollie, Freddy and I all shared funny and interesting stories about our youth. Recounting how sometimes the electricity was turned off so we used bundled in blankets, how going out was only saved for special events once a year and etc.

Even though the memories were bitter, we three had a good time just recounting and seeing how similar upbringings we shared. While this went on for 30 minutes Charlie chimed in. I know his family has always been well off but I listened.

He explained he knew what we meant, how one summer they couldn’t use their in ground pool and had to use the public one. Now not saying having a pool is “rich” or “privileged” but it’s definitely an expensive investment.

The three of us fell silent and the other side did not say much. I tried to joke about and say “sorry never had a pool, I ain’t rich”. Charlie frowned and asked what I meant by that. I explained it wasn’t something we could relate to, I planned on shrugging it off after that.

I guess my joke sent charlie into a rant about how he wasn’t rich, how he was also lower middle glass and I was a jerk for even suggesting he was rich. I was getting fed up at this point and stated that his house had a full living room sized room filled with expensive things and liquor, and there was nothing wrong with being rich.

Charlie didn’t let it go and claimed I was being privileged because I have on brand clothing. I work 50 hours every paycheck, working since 15 and a full time student and are saving to send my mother into retirement early but wanted to splurge since the holidays.

I was getting angry and told him to leave, saying I was not going to tolerate this. He left and refuses to even talk to me.

Ollie is on my side while Freddy is torn. I don’t feel like I am in any shape wrong. But AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/dumbeggs on 2024-01-03 11:42:40+00:00.

We’ve been together nearly years but over the last few he has tapered off on getting gifts or making small gestures. On our 5 year anniversary I had planned for us to go out for lunch, got my fiancé a card and a nice gift and decorated the house/table. He got me a card and seemed shocked by the gift. He immediately started feeling guilty, then said “we never do gifts” then that “he struggles to find the right gift because he doesn’t want it to be a waste” he ended up paying for our lunch but didn’t really apologise for how he made me feel.

Last year for valentines I had to remind him multiple times, and agree a small budget. I sent him something as an example of what would be in budget (he did buy me that thing).

I feel like he’s not been putting in an effort around things like this even though I’ve expressed their importance to me, and even asked if it’s a money problem which he assured me it’s not. He’s started saying that he’s bad at gift giving but this only seems to be something he’s struggled with in the last two years or so.

I don’t want anything crazy expensive, something less than £5 as a gesture. I buy him small tokens of appreciation all the time and he has never done this for me.

So would I be an asshole for not reminding him about valentines this year? I appreciate it’s somewhat petty but it’s really making me sad how he shuts me down when I communicate my feelings or try to talk through his.

Advice appreciated thanks

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Positive_Review1097 on 2024-01-03 11:39:56+00:00.

I 21(f) live with my father(44m) and my uncle(40m).To clarify: I pay rent and utilities, my uncle is jobless and doesn't pay for anything, and my Dad is the owner of the house. I do not have a room, so I am always forced to engage in my Uncles constant ranting about his conspiracy theories, anti vax talks, and homophobia/transphobia, when he leaves his room. He also claims that straight white men are the most suppressed and targeted group in the world, and how he, as a man, is so suppressed and attacked by everyone.

I don't know where he gets that idea from, but I typically ignore him when he talks about this. I don't think it's worth the time or effort on my part. Yesterday I came home from work and my uncle quickly began his usual rants about how the gays are turning the kids and how trans people are abominations who try to forcibly give children hormones? I tried to ignore him again until he brought up that because gay and trans people are forcing their 'gayness' down his throat, and ‘infecting’ the kids, they should be slaughtered if they go into public, because they are defying God and introducing s*x to kids.

I made a snarky comment that he needs to stop talking and actually listen to the nonsense he is saying. He got angry, and told me not to talk back to him, because I don't understand when I don't have children(he doesn't have any kids either) and that I am just a privileged woman who doesn't have a right to talk about what I wouldn't understand.

I said that he's the privileged one, and that he needs to stop it with the constant homophobia and woe is me talk when he has had everything handed to him and has never once been targeted by people. That he lives in my dads house, rent free, and eats all our food while never contributing a penny or cleaning up. That he is a narcissistic a-hole who needs to stop acting like a victim when gay people aren't going after his nonexistent children!

He lost it and screamed at me that I am just a woman who could never understand how hard it is to be a man, and that he would never take a f**’s word to heart. That I am an ungrateful B, before he stormed to his room and called my dad, who was at work, to yell at him for raising such a horrible and disgusting daughter. He later came upstairs to clarify that he isn't homophobic because he used to know gay people, and it's hurtful I would call him that. He has only left his room twice since then, both times muttering about how I'm a spoiled B who needs to watch herself. My dad talked to me once he got home, saying that I need to respect my uncle since he is older than me. I have also had a few family members voice their opinions that I unnecessarily attacked his character.

I didn't think I was too harsh, but everyone else seems upset, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GreenEyesGirl13 on 2024-01-03 11:31:59+00:00.

Me (30F) dated a guy (29M- at the time), let's call him Jake, once I was 27, we dated for a few months on 2020, nothing much. Until he started to ghost me. I was on parties waiting for him, he didn't show. We broke up because he admitted that he was in love with another girl. A year and lot of guys later, I was with some friends, and one of then was Jake's friend, we will call him Paul (30M) Paul and I stayed together for 9 months from that date on 2021. It was good but had a lot of issues, Paul's friends were not nice to me, calling me slut for staying with Jake, a lot of other guys then Paul. For posting bikini photos. And other stuff, he didn't defend me, but I held it together cause I liked the guy. One day he broke up with me accusing me of cheating him with another guy. It wasn't true. I didn't cheat. But, okay. It was a huge hit, but I survived. Now, in 2022, me and Jake reconnect, we talked about the past, we forgave ourselves for it. I told him all that happened in my life - includig Paul, he did the same. We are together, planning to live together. Buuuuuut, Paul got the word about it, and now he's pissed. Jake wants to talk to him, to explain our reasons, but I just want to live, I have nothing to explain. I didn't do anything wrong. Am I The Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/dlclv on 2024-01-03 11:31:28+00:00.

We are not from the US and we live in a rural area. Sorry if my english is bad.

My sister (18F) had to go to the post office to do this digital identification thing we are required to do when we turn 18. So she went there a month ago but she didn't manage to access the platform. I didn't know how to help her since they changed the procedure since I (20F) did it. Still, I tried to help for 1+ hour today.

Today our mum told her she had to go and ask the operator for help. So my sister went upstairs to get ready and my mum asked me if I could go with her and help her understand. My sister is 100% capable to understand everything, the only reason why she couldn't complete the registration is an error of the platform, her friend did the exact same procedure and managed to login.

My parents always left me to figure out things by myself my whole life, because "they didn't know anything about technology" and "I have to be independent" (their words not mines). While at the same time they always wanted me to help her with literally everything. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and I always helped her with everything.

My mum has this weird idea that just because I'm the older sister I'm some kind of genius and I can just figure stuff out by miracle while she can't do anything alone.

I told my mum that I had to study for my upcoming exams. The problem is that the queue at the post office can be one hour long even though it's a small town, and I had to study. My mum got a bit mad, tried to convince me and eventually said that she would go with her instead. Mind you that my mum knows very little about technology because she's from another generation and isn't interested in learning anyways. I repeated my point.

So my mum replied: -do you want her to walk there??- Turns out the actual reason my mum wanted me to go is she wanted me to drive Sister there.

The post office is 2km away from our home but it is in "another town" and there are some fields in between. There is literally nobody on those roads and it's one of the most safe place in the world I believe. Plus it's such a short walk and it doesn't make sense to take the car to there. (it's not cold outside)

For some reason, my mum feels like it's in another State. when I was 15 (fifteen!) I couldn't go there by bike, while my 8 year old neighbour obviously was allowed to.

Here's where I might be TA: my mum told me -It's not like you do much for this family anyways-. She actually said something in our language that roughly translates to -it's not like you break your back for this family-.

I might be TA because maybe she's right. I try to do as many things as I can. The point is, I don't work and my parents pay everything for me. They always told me that I don't need to work (we're middle class and they put money aside to send us to uni). So maybe I had to drive my sister to the post office and don't let my mother do it?

So, AITA for not helping my sister and my family more and driving my sister to the nearest town?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/robntamra on 2024-01-03 11:30:27+00:00.

Context, I’m actively having a new furnace and heat pump installed in my house. On the initial quote, provided by the business owner, there was a listed price for add-ins like whole house humidifier installed for $695, which I wanted and agreed to. On installation day I’m provided a final invoice that listed the humidifier that was installed but it doesn’t seem to be calculated into the final pricing based upon the quotes.

AITA, if I pay the invoice price and don’t inform the HVAC company that they aren’t charging me enough? Feels like I would be taking advantage of a potential miscalculation if I don’t inquire.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/_gibi_11 on 2024-01-03 11:29:17+00:00.

Yesterday, a classmate from high-school texted me that her abusive father told her on New Year that she has a few to move out. I asked her if she went to her sister or or her mom, but apparently, her mom's boyfriend doesn't like her and her sister has told her before "If dad ever kicks you out, you will deal with it by yourself". While I feel for her, we are 22 and she has been working here and there since graduation. And then she showed me that she only has 2 coins left in her bank account. She has the mentality of a kid and always spent tons of money on dumb things instead of trying to fix her life. Back in high-school, we were friends for a bit because I felt sorry for her, even the class bullied her, but that was because she was seeking attention in the most childish, annoying ways possible. And to her everyone else was always guilty but not her. And she wanted me to buy her lunch because she was saving money for an iPhone. So I dropped her after a while. I didn't tell her that I don't want to be friends with her, but I started avoiding her and always told her I'm busy when she wanted to hang out. Yet, she kept begging me to go out, even when I said I don't want to so I just started to ignore her and she stopped. But yeah, she texted me yesterday. She didn't directly ask me to move in with me but I think she meant it because she told me she haven't told her mom or sis yet. If it was one of my friends I would have taken them in right away. In the end, if they really don't want her, I will take her in, I won't leave her out in the cold. But it's just that I really don't want to. Am I the asshole?