Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/KayAries327 on 2024-01-03 04:40:34+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months, but things seem to be getting serious being that we have moved in together, we have met each other‘s families, spent holidays with each other, and he has gotten me a promise ring for we are not ready for marriage quiet just yet. But the one thing I do not like about our relationship is his dog. I also want to mention that I’ve never owned a pet. I would dog sit for friends and family here and there but never had a fur baby of my own. The dog’s name is Tobias and he’s a 1 year old Pitbull. Tobias has stayed with multiple people including family members and his ex girlfriend because the old apartment my bf was living in was not allowing dogs at the time so he took Tobias to Virginia with him when he left his hometown in SC.

So, the main thing that bothers me is that he sheds a lot. This is the first place that I have of my own and I’m very big on cleanliness because I’m so used to cleaning up behind my parents and siblings. No matter what I do and no matter what products I buy there’s always dog hair. I clean it as much as I can but at this point it’s no getting rid of it because there’s dog hair on our furniture, in our bed, and in our clothes. It literally makes me sick and makes me feel nasty. Despite him blowing up at me, he did try to accommodate me by not having him on furniture, not having him sleep in the room with us, and having him in the kennel when I’m home.

After this lease is up, my bf wants to get a house back in SC and I’m adamant about not taking Tobias with us. I already clean up this 1br 1ba from top to bottom behind him. Imagine cleaning up a 3br 2ba behind him with his dog hair everywhere. Not to mention he vomits sometimes when he goes to town on one of his toys and he tends to piss and poop in our apartment when my boyfriend is in a rush or is too lazy to take him out which leaves me being the one having to clean his mess and being solely responsible for everything as far as feeding him, taking him to the groomers, and taking him out. He also tears everything up! Shoes, clothes, bed linen, he even ate into the arm of our couch while being in his kennel. And he thinks I’m going to put up with that all while being in a house? Absolutely not. It’s not like I’m asking him to take Tobias to a shelter either. It’s plenty of family members that want him because as stated previously, he was kept by many other people for months on end and family members even ask about him when we’re out at family events.

So AITA for asking my boyfriend to get rid of his dog or am I simply being a brat and overreacting??

EDIT: I’m not sure why people are giving me relationship advice when I didn’t ask for it. I’m not moving too fast because this is something we both want and all of our big steps have been initiated BY HIM. Next, again as stated previously he decided that having him in the kennel would be a solution to accommodate me I DID NOT ASK HIM to do that. When you with someone in a serious relationship you both will have to make sacrifices to come to a common ground. Lastly, AS STATED PREVIOUSLY I have NEVER been a dog owner. I’m not that educated on dogs so I’m not sure if the kennel is hurting or benefiting the dog because my boyfriend said there’s a such thing called being kennel trained. I appreciate the advice on ways to control the shedding; I’m all about solutions. Another thing I want to add is before we moved into together he was an outside dog so it didn’t occur to me that all these problems would come with having a dog because again I’ve never been a dog owner.

EDIT 2: It’s obvious Tobias wont be going anywhere so I genuinely wanted to know if I was wrong for asking bf to get rid of him. I’m trying to adjust and learn to live with it but it’s very difficult for me. I’m open to any ideas though instead of people just sitting here bashing me. My bf and I try to compromise and communicate as much as we can. So anything will be helpful no just straight up insults.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Due-Description3241 on 2024-01-03 04:05:23+00:00.

My son was born while I was still a high school student. I wasn’t ready to be a parent, and instead put him up for an open adoption. The little family that adopted him would send me birthday and holiday cards and such, but that was as much as I was involved. I was terrified. The baby was diagnosed with some issue with the nerve in his eye and was blind from it. I felt like I did something wrong, or I had caused it. I also felt so relieved I got to move on and live my life, I went to college, I built a career, all the while feeling this immense relief when this family would write me to tell me about his first braille typewriter or whatnot that I wasn’t having to deal with this… and then I’ve always felt guilty for being relieved.

I’m now married, and I have two daughters (32F and 28F) with my husband. They have always known I had another child who was adopted. My daughters have also always been interested in fostering this connection. I’ve always suggested we leave him alone to live his life. Without my knowing, my oldest sought him out on FaceBook of all places. Though her she has brought him in to be involved with the family the past few years. While they may have had an instant connection, I feel embarrassed to say I just haven’t. I’m happy to know that he’s doing well in life, he’s getting married this spring and he has a doctoral degree in physics. It’s all very nice to be proud of but it’s like learning about a stranger, I certainly don’t feel like his mother.

This thanksgiving we hosted. All three of my children were present. My son follows a guide dog to get around, but often when he is over he takes off the harness and lets the dog play with the other family dogs. That day was much the same. I gave the dogs some scraps to eat and didn’t think anything more of it. Several days later it turns out his dog was at the emergency vet hospital and had some issues with maybe its pancreas and also a possible bone trapped in its intestine. They decided to take the dog to surgery to search for it and have it removed. My daughter immediately asked if I had given the dogs anything and was furious with me over giving them some table scraps. She is adamant I caused this issue and I shouldn be offering to pay.

I did reach out to my son to offer to pay. He said that was kind but he had it covered. I told him I didn’t want him to worry financially because I know it can be hard for him to keep employment given his condition. All he said was he has pet health insurance so after deductible he only pays 10% and he has completely capable of paying for it. We left it at that. My daughter is still now refusing to bring her dogs to my home, calling me irresponsible. She is blaming me and feels I “never take responsibility” for the “harm” I cause, but I cannot pay if her refuses to take my money.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Turbulent_Squash810 on 2024-01-03 03:57:09+00:00.

I, 27 female, was invited to be a bridesmaid in my younger cousins wedding. The wedding was being thrown together in a very short period of time due to the groom being in the military and only available extremely close to the biggest holiday of the year. My children were also invited to be in the wedding party. The cost of renting suits for two little boys or buying all of the bridesmaid paraphernalia was not in the budget. I told my cousin I was extremely honored to be included but I would have to pass as I couldn’t afford to do the necessary wedding party things in the time frame. She was disappointed but assured me she understood. Since I declined to be in the wedding, I did not go with her or her friends to pick out dresses. During a pre wedding chat, my cousin shared that they decided on an icy blue dress that was really cute and everyone would look great.

The day of the wedding, I went to go pull out my standard black cocktail dress, my standard wedding guest attire that I had worn to several other weddings over the years. The dress had a broken strap and was dirty as it appeared to have been hung up forgetting to have it dry cleaned after the last event. I began to panic as I realized I had nothing else dressy to wear that fit because I was about 20lbs heavier than the last time I needed to buy dress clothes. I managed to find a pair of cream business casual pants that I could not zipper closed, but I put on a belly band on from when I was pregnant over them. I threw on a white cow neck shaw top that was as dressy as I had and somewhat matched. Tossed on a black leather jacket, the husband said I looked nice and we left for the wedding. The wedding was in a small church with the reception at a separate hall. There were roughly 75 people in total in attendance. At the reception, I was stopped in the bathroom by my cousin’s maid of honor, a childhood friend. She asked me if I wasn’t in the wedding because I was jealous that my cousin was getting the attention and not me. I laughed and tried to joke that she looked like she was attending a homecoming dance with that tiny bridesmaids dress. A skin tight, thigh high silver dress didn’t give bridesmaid and that I couldn’t believe she went along with picking that out for them all to wear. The MOH reported back to my cousin her opinion on my attire. The bride laughed it off and carried on enjoying her wedding. Not one other person said anything to me or looked at me funny. Three days later, my cousin brought up in conversation her MOH’s opinion on my attendance to the wedding. My cousin questioned if there was anything valid to her MOH’s claims. I explained the situation and she said “They say it’s like really rude to wear white to a wedding when you aren’t the bride.” So am I the AH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Massive-Use-8254 on 2024-01-03 03:12:39+00:00.

I do delivery for Uber Eats, and one type of delivery that I accept is for alcohol. We are required to check IDs for all alcohol deliveries, and make sure that the name of the customer matches with the name on the ID and that they are over 21. The only acceptable forms of ID according to Uber are US driver's licenses, US state IDs, US Military IDs, or any kind of passport. The only foreign IDs we can accept are passports.

I was delivering in Seattle on New Year's Eve, and picked up a large order from a wine store to deliver to a downtown hotel. When I arrived in the lobby, the customer came down and presented me with a Manitoba driver's license. I explained that I cannot accept foreign driver's licenses or IDs, even Canadian ones, except for passports. She started arguing with me and saying that she's obviously not underage (which was true, she appeared to be middle aged). But I told her that I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. Her friend who was with her told me that she can show me her Washington State ID instead, but I told her I can't accept that because it's not for the person whose name is on the order. I asked the customer if she has a Canadian or other passport with her, and she handed me her NEXUS card and told me that it was her "passport" because she used it to enter the US. I told her I have one of those as well and that it's not a passport.

She then started screaming at me that I was discriminating against her for being Canadian. I told her that's not true because I also have Canadian citizenship and I can accept Canadian passports. She then started crying about how this is no way to treat a fellow Canadian, but I still told her I cannot complete this delivery. She and her friend stormed back to the elevator and went upstairs as I took the alcohol back to the store. I was paid for the full trip along with a return fee.

On one hand, I was simply following the rules exactly as written. On the other hand, she was clearly not underage, and I think that most other drivers would have simply manually typed in her info to get the order accepted. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/minecraftpiggo on 2024-01-03 02:58:51+00:00.

Pretty simple post, I(20F) have a friend(fuck-I-forgot-her-age-but-shes-only-a-bit-older-F) who is trans. Let's call her Sara. I am cis but a lesbian so I'm in the lgbt community, have other trans friends and have since being a young teen so I'm not like weird about trans people, etc.

Sara says the t slur a lot to describe herself and it makes me kinda uncomfortable and also cringe idk. Like not even just discomfort cringe just actual cringe cringe because of the amount she does it. Sara kinda has a self deprecating sense of humor so it's part of that. I wouldn't be like oh you can't say it I just want to say it makes me uncomfortable and that I would rather she say it less often not that she has to never say it.

But she's not objectively wrong to do this because she literally only uses it on herself and not even other trans people and it feels wrong to tell her what she can and can't call herself (I don't want this to be giving white people telling black people they can't say the n word or something). and I'm not quite sure why this makes me uncomfortable? Pls weigh in reddit. Also she uses reddit so I am trying to keep this undetailed as possible.

I just know Sara feels comfortable enough around me to make self deprecating jokes like using a slur on herself and if it was occaisional I wouldn't feel weird and I don't want to make her feel like she can't be comfortable around me like that. But idk something about her doing it so often makes me feel uncomfortable.

Maybe I am overthinking this but idk. Also "Sara" if you're somehow reading this pretend you never found my reddit account thanks.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hazy-2024 on 2024-01-03 02:28:21+00:00.

I (46f) am the mother of a 16f high schooler. Ever since the age of 14, my daughter has been working part-time as a teen model for a local clothing brand (with my and my husband’s (47m) permission, of course). And starting last year….our daughter has been off. Whenever she’s not modeling, she chooses to wear baggy, unflattering grey/dour clothes, and she has started wearing uglier glasses rather than nice, appealing ones. She’s also become much more distant, and she LIES as often as she breathes nowadays. At first, my husband and I were concerned. But with how moody and dishonest our daughter has been getting, we have run out of patience and compassion, and we are disciplining her more and more these days. Right now, for the holiday season, she is under a strict curfew because she has stayed out late and come home drunk one night during the school break, and my husband and I choose what she does, where she does it and what she wears. Are we the assholes?

EDIT: None of you understand my situation!!!! It doesn't matter that I don't need my husband's word to take my daughter to the therapist......this kind of shit is up to HIM. However I'm allowed to use our health benefits, it doesn't matter because that's just not how it runs in our household. I'm a victim too...

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Imaginary-Oven1653 on 2024-01-03 02:02:28+00:00.

Last weekend, my (26F) boyfriend Eric (26M) of 2 years surprised me with a weekend getaway to the lake. He rented a waterfront house, and invited a bunch of friends including Eric's sister and her partner, along with other close friends and their partners. It was a fantastic surprise, and I felt grateful for the effort Eric put into planning it. We initially met through my childhood friend Matt(26M) in university, and despite feeling like Eric was out of my league, we started dating shortly after meeting.

One night we were playing a couples game where one person from each couple has to debate different prompts. Eric was pretty drunk at this point, and a prompt was "What originally attracted you to your partner?" Eric all but shouted "she was the safe choice. I knew she wouldn't cheat or leave me." I was stunned, and he must've noticed because he went on to say "I wanted a safer option after my ex, and you seemed nice enough." I honestly felt crushed. I practically ran to my room and called Matt, who agreed Eric was out of line and said he would pick me up tomorrow, as I really just didn't want to be there any more. The next morning I left before anyone was awake. I texted Eric saying I didn't appreciate what he said but I didn't want to ruin the weekend for everyone else. He spent the rest of the day spamming my phone along with a few of my friends, which I ignored because I didn't feel like talking to anyone.

When Eric came back on sunday he was furious. He claimed that after I left it was all anyone would talk about, and that it ruined the weekend for everyone. He said he felt that I disrespected all the time and money he put into planning the weekend, and that he barely remembers what he said in the first place. I told him how I felt about what he said and that his weekend wasn't the only one that was ruined.

He's insistent that it was unreasonable to leave and that I should've just stayed despite how I felt, because of all the effort he put into planning the weekend. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Icy-Spite8583 on 2024-01-03 01:18:38+00:00.

I was playing a racing game. After about 10-15 minutes of trying, I was in first position and I saw her coming up to hug me from behind. I said in a normal tone “stop” so I wouldn’t lose my concentration. I ended up losing the race and I was visibly/audibly upset. I wasn’t cursing or yelling just a grunt of frustration and then she called me a jerk and walked away. Normally I wouldn’t mind and like an hour before the same thing happened and I didn’t say stop because I wasn’t concentrating. Now she won’t talk to me. So aita here? I don’t think it’s a big deal obviously, but the fact that I was concentrating on something and I at that moment wasn’t receptive to the affection might make me the asshole.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/billydontbeavillain on 2024-01-03 00:03:55+00:00.

So just off the bat, my girlfriend and I do not share finances at all. The money came from my trust, which I’m free to spend however I wish. She doesn’t have any grounds to stand upon. She does currently stay in my apartment, but that’s strictly temporary (and no, she doesn’t pay for anything). She’s supposed to find her own place or move back to dorms before the next fall semester.

Anyways, our mutual friend, Sam, found out that she needed pretty major dental work done. Basically she had two options: either get a bunch of teeth extracted (and partial dentures) or get a few teeth extracted (and get implants) and get a bunch of root canals, crowns, and fillings. Her family could only afford to pay for the first option, since the second one was $41,000 (out of pocket). It’s not something I would normally do, but I was feeling in the charitable mood so I offered to help her pay for the second option.

When my girlfriend found out I had given Sam the money, she was pissed. Not sure why, you would think she would be happy that I did something charitable for her friend. How could I give her friend that she knew first tens of thousands of dollars without discussing it with her first, don’t I see how this looks, etc..

I think I literally haven’t done anything wrong. Like I literally only did a good deed, and there’s no way to interpret it otherwise. My girlfriend is clearly in the wrong for blowing up over this, right? AITA or is she?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/UniversityVirtual777 on 2024-01-03 08:49:31+00:00.

I am in a long distance relationship. We’ve been together since HS and are very in love. It’s hard, but worth it.

She goes to a community college in our hometown and I’m at Stanford. She recently applied to go to college with me and got rejected. She has been off since she found out.

We ended up getting into an argument. She told me she doesn’t want to go back to college. I tried talking to her. I said school is what is best for her and she shouldn’t let the rejection hit so hard.

She says I never wanted to go to Stanford anyway (which is a lie, I know how badly she wanted to get in) and insisted she should drop out and come live with me instead.

I said oh, you want to get a job & live with me? I said you could go to a community college around me.

But she said the weirdest thing. She said I’m tired of college, and I don’t want a job. I can cook and clean and look after you.

I was honestly surprised. I said like what, a traditional “housewife”? That’s really what you want?

She said yes, people have been doing it for 100s of years. Why not?

I said I’m not interested in a relationship like that.

She got frustrated with me. She said “of course, no one respects a housewife anymore, but they do a lot of work. A real man would appreciate that they have a woman at home cooking/cleaning for them. It’s real work and it’s hard work but men like you have no appreciation for the work women do.”

I said I have appreciation for it, but it’s not a relationship I want. I want a partner that is motivated in her career and to suceed just like I am. I added that I have a tiny apartment and it’s not like she knows how to cook. It is work, I guess, but nothing compared to school/an actual job.

She said I was implying a woman’s value is determined on her ability to work/go to school. She said I have no respect for women and was sexist.

I just got fed up and annoyed and snapped at her. I said I wasn’t being sexist. Imagine if I said I didn’t want a job and was going to stay home while my gf paid all the bills, worked, and went to school. Everyone would call me a deadbeat, lazy asshole. I also said she’d make a terrible traditional wife. She doesn’t want kids, and she doesn’t know how to cook or clean. I know how to cook better than she does. What kind of tradwife is she going to make? I’m also 20 and not looking to have someone be reliant on me. I said it’s important for her to get a job and be financially secure for herself. I also said she was only saying this stuff because she got rejected from Stanford. Hello, it’s Stanford. They reject everyone. She loves her career and can’t seriously let a set back that small keep her from what she really wants to do. So many people get rejected from schools like that, you can’t just drop out. Like you got rejected, big deal, try again next year.

After I said all of that, she was just silent. She didn’t even say anything and just went to her room and locked herself in. AITA here? Do I need to apologize immediately?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/JaguarAdmirable4975 on 2024-01-02 22:36:22+00:00.

I (24F) am not an actor or work in the film industry. However I have a friend (24F) who is an actress and regularly auditions for a variety of roles, ranging from commercials to small parts. As someone who works a boring desk job I always found her career exciting and supported her throughout.

The other day she had an audition and I accompanied her for the first time as we had plans afterwards. I was waiting for her near the reception area when someone approached me. The guy asked if I was there for an audition and I said no, I was waiting for a friend. He asked me if I have any acting experience and I said no. He strongly encouraged me to audition for a particular role and told me a little about the production. I quickly realized that this was the same role my friend was applying to.

I thought it would be hilarious to audition for the same part and tell her all about it. So I went for it. I didn’t take it seriously at all, hell half the time I was asking them questions due to sheer curiosity. (Btw the person who told me to audition was also at the casting call).

Afterwards we met again and I told her everything. Although she was shocked and kept quizzing me about the man who encouraged me to audition, she eventually laughed it off. She joked that I probably blew them away with my “acting chops” and that I’d “totally” get the role. She even said that I didn’t fit the look for the character so I had little chance.

Fast forward to the same evening- I got a call to say I GOT THE ROLE and genuinely thought it was a prank. However it was legitimate.

This single incident completed wrecked our friendship. She accused me of all sorts of things and called me untrustworthy, a snake, that I had…. ‘relations’ with the casting directors etc. It’s not like I “stole” some huge, breakthrough role either (it’s some indie project) but the way she flamed was insane.

The worst part was that she ended up making racist comments. For the record, I’m mixed Jamaican/German and she’s German/French. The role requires a level of German fluency which we both have. She said that I was hired bc I ticked more “diversity boxes” and made some other racially charged comments (including the fact the character I’m playing is fully white). I ended the friendship precisely because she showed an ugly racist side all of a sudden.

To make things worse, many of her actor friends hate me now. She created this narrative where I play the villain and they all think I did this intentionally. I had to cut off lots of them and the few that remain just feel bad for me. One guy I met through her assured me that I did nothing wrong and to continue with this project if I find it fun.

I’m not sure if I want to go ahead with this thing, I’m just so over it. I’d much rather go back to my desk job than deal with this drama already. However I want to know if I am the asshole here? Is she? Are we both?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwRA199362 on 2024-01-02 19:29:40+00:00.

My boyfriend who is Latino is visiting his family in his home country. His cousin who owns a spa mentioned being able to give a massage. He in conversation mentioned to me he will be getting a full body massage from her and I found this a bit strange because to me I wouldn't feel comfortable getting a massage from my male cousin as the idea of being felt up in that situation is uncomfortable for me. I'm beginning to wonder if it's a matter of my culture being a bit more conservative than his. In this conversation I out of frustration told him "I'll just get a massage from a guy then" to which he thought would be uncomfortable for him and said it's not weird for him because it's his cousin. He also said it would be weird if his guy cousin gives him a massage but not his female cousin that he ended up backtracking on after I pointed out the contradiction. WIBTA to draw a boundary with this? I think I explained my discomfort but he thinks I'm being dramatic about feeling weird.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Much_Background_7940 on 2024-01-03 07:14:24+00:00.

My (18F) friend (19M) is obsessed with fat women and how they shouldn’t be allowed to date. He’s also obsessed with male height and constantly talks about it, as if men’s height and women’s weight are somehow parallel.

He asked me would I date a short guy. I said I would not date a guy under 6ft, since I’m 6ft and tired of having to slouch around short people. He started talking about how all women want tall men, and that’s why society is collapsing.

He said no woman should be over 130 lbs, and if they are, they shouldn’t get a date. I said “glad to know you want me and other women dead.” Any woman who is 6ft tall and 130 lbs has a severely underweight BMI, and is most likely anorexic. So he wants me to be anorexic and die basically. I’m 155 lbs currently and very thin, and people always tell me I need to eat more. Also, I said he and other men should lose weight then, because he and most men weigh much more than 130 lbs.

He said I’m a liar, and he never wished death on me or other women. I said saying that I should be 130lbs is basically wishing death on me, since that would make me anorexic and sick.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/midnight-marshmallow on 2024-01-02 11:33:35+00:00.

I (35/F) suffer with Chronic Pain (the most prevalent condition that I have is Chiari I Malformation). This morning, I ended up in hospital because, I was more numb and in a lot more pain from normal. An hour ago, my brother dropped me home after the hospital SHO told me I would’ve been kept in for observation if they weren’t so busy, go home bed rest, need someone there with you for a few hours to watch for differences in mood, drowsiness and body weakness. Could have Hydrocephaly so, if that arises, come straight back. Fine. Great, see ya later.

So, Mum (68) arrives 10 minutes ago to watch me. She’s coming out the end of a bout with the flu so, she’s a little unwell. She asks me how I am and I tell her ‘pretty sore in my neck, very light headed, floaty, pins and needles everywhere’ and she came straight out with ‘Yeah, me too and I’m still sick.’ with a grumpy edge.

She does this all the time. I might have a headache related to my pain specifically (my neck tends to snap and I get a head rush and nasty headaches after) and she’ll be like ‘yeah me too!’

AITA for immediately rolling my eyes and thinking ‘I’ve just got out of A&E! I don’t give a fuck!’?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WeiLeeRIP on 2024-01-02 11:18:30+00:00.

My gf (21f) didn’t get me (24m) anything for Christmas

feeling very weird and a bit dejected typing this. honestly, i’m not sure if i’m overreacting or not — and can’t tell if i’m being a dick for expecting too much.

i haven’t seen my gf since before christmas, and finally got to see her today (jan. 1st). we usually see each other twice a week, so this felt like quite a while. i was so excited to see her and give her her christmas gifts.

money has honestly been a bit tight for both of us lately, though more so for her. i saved up and bought her an assortment of small things that she really likes — decorations for her room, a small piece of jewelry, etc.

before the holidays, we both did the whole ritual of telling each other not to get anything, but at least on my end, there was a quiet understanding that i would have to get her some stuff. after all, it’s christmas!

she did get me a baseball cap about two months ago at a basketball game, and i told her jokingly that it was my christmas gift. maybe that’s why she didn’t end up getting anything?

idk, i feel like a bit of a dick being upset over this. i’ve never really been big on gifts, so i’m not sure why this is rubbing me the wrong way.

maybe because it made me realize i pay for most things in our relationship? maybe because she got gifts for others, even my friends, and not me?

even something small like a card would have been nice.

for context, i have been in several abusive relationships and this often have trouble telling right from wrong in my partners — which is why i’m posting here. maybe i’m just terrible at communicating.

thank you and i hope you’re having a lovely new year.

edit 1: already i’m seeing a lot of people tell me i’m an asshole. that’s fine, and i know i should start communicating better. i just wanted to clarify that the whole “don’t get me anything” thing really is a ritual for us. we did that for each of our birthdays, too, and both ended up buying the other gifts. idk, i guess maybe i have weird expectations. i’ll do what i can to be better.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Turbulent_Squash810 on 2024-01-03 03:57:09+00:00.

I, 27 female, was invited to be a bridesmaid in my younger cousins wedding. The wedding was being thrown together in a very short period of time due to the groom being in the military and only available extremely close to the biggest holiday of the year. My children were also invited to be in the wedding party. The cost of renting suits for two little boys or buying all of the bridesmaid paraphernalia was not in the budget. I told my cousin I was extremely honored to be included but I would have to pass as I couldn’t afford to do the necessary wedding party things in the time frame. She was disappointed but assured me she understood. Since I declined to be in the wedding, I did not go with her or her friends to pick out dresses. During a pre wedding chat, my cousin shared that they decided on an icy blue dress that was really cute and everyone would look great.

The day of the wedding, I went to go pull out my standard black cocktail dress, my standard wedding guest attire that I had worn to several other weddings over the years. The dress had a broken strap and was dirty as it appeared to have been hung up forgetting to have it dry cleaned after the last event. I began to panic as I realized I had nothing else dressy to wear that fit because I was about 20lbs heavier than the last time I needed to buy dress clothes. I managed to find a pair of cream business casual pants that I could not zipper closed, but I put on a belly band on from when I was pregnant over them. I threw on a white cow neck shaw top that was as dressy as I had and somewhat matched. Tossed on a black leather jacket, the husband said I looked nice and we left for the wedding. The wedding was in a small church with the reception at a separate hall. There were roughly 75 people in total in attendance. At the reception, I was stopped in the bathroom by my cousin’s maid of honor, a childhood friend. She asked me if I wasn’t in the wedding because I was jealous that my cousin was getting the attention and not me. I laughed and tried to joke that she looked like she was attending a homecoming dance with that tiny bridesmaids dress. A skin tight, thigh high silver dress didn’t give bridesmaid and that I couldn’t believe she went along with picking that out for them all to wear. The MOH reported back to my cousin her opinion on my attire. The bride laughed it off and carried on enjoying her wedding. Not one other person said anything to me or looked at me funny. Three days later, my cousin brought up in conversation her MOH’s opinion on my attendance to the wedding. My cousin questioned if there was anything valid to her MOH’s claims. I explained the situation and she said “They say it’s like really rude to wear white to a wedding when you aren’t the bride.” So am I the AH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ActuallyCatiam on 2024-01-03 04:15:55+00:00.

I have 2 my eldest son and his wife is called Ed and Edna and my youngest son and his wife is called Sam and Cat.

Context I have known Edna her whole life. When she was 7 her mom got diagnosed with cancer so I started to help out with raising her. Her and Ed were best friends so it was easy. When she was 10 her mom passed away so I took over all duties of raising a daughter. She started to date my son in college and they got married later on.

I genuinely look at her as my daughter because I basically raised her (her dad drank himself to death when she was 19) with my family. Like she would spend all the holidays like school breaks and go with us to holidays ect.

When they got married they bought the house 4 houses down and has been living there.

Now Cat is very sweet she can cook well and we bond in the kitchen and we get along great. But I really don’t like being called Mom by her I don’t know why but I just don’t. I don’t like it when people or children call me Aunty or nicknames ect. I don’t mind Edna calling me Mom because I feel like I raised her and earned that title.

I have talked to her and my son many times about this. It makes me uncomfortable and she says it shouldn’t. That it is awkward for her to call me by my first name.

This new years dinner she made it a point to call me mom in every sentence and I was annoyed. I pulled her aside and told her to knock it off and she said it’s not fair that Edna can call me mom but she can’t. I told her that i raised Edna so it makes sense. Edna has no family other than us but you have a huge family with a mom that loves you very much.

She said that she feels like I’m rejecting her from the family and I told if after all I have done for you and this is the thing that makes you feel isolated then you need help to be grateful. ( for context Among other things I paid half of her college loans and helped her pay for the house they live in.)

She said that I’m a bitch and Edna can be my favorite DIL and it’s creepy that I will bbsite pups and not my gdkids because she and Sam won’t ever come back. I told her to get out and be a brat somewhere else. Sam got involved and dragged Cat away.

Cat lives 6 hours away and I can’t drive well and they don’t have gust bed for me to stay the night. I pay 25% in childcare tho. E and I have spa days once a month a tradition since she was a teen. So when Cat comes we all go for a spa trip and i always pay.

Sam sent me text asking me to apologize because it’s such a small thing and that cat is serious about her threat.

I left him on read because I didn’t think I need to apologize.

Even my grandchildren call me by my name. They rarely call me grandma and they like calling me by my name.

Actually Edna doesn’t call my mom often. She does sometimes but she always uses my name because she knows I’m comfortable with it. If Cat called me mom one of I don’t mind. It’s just ever single sentence that’s directed to me ends or starts with mom and I feel so uncomfortable

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SpoiledNephthrowaway on 2024-01-03 03:10:40+00:00.

I treat my family to dinners out and other events fairly often. My sister Charlotte recently moved closer to me and our parents. Before then I only saw her and my nephew Leo for holidays. I invited Charlotte on a family dinner out and it was an absolute disaster because of Leo.

Charlotte called me while she was driving to the restaurant. I could hear Leo yelling in the background. Charlotte asked Leo to wait a few minutes until she was done calling me and then she would give Leo her phone. She wasn’t doing anything to actually discipline Leo.

My nephew’s behavior was no better inside the restaurant. Leo is 8 and yet he was acting like some kind of 2-year-old. He was jumping up and down the booths, yelling to get Charlotte’s attention. He threw bread at another patron’s service dog. My dad took away the bread after Leo ignored the first warning and Leo threw a tantrum.

People were staring at us and I would have been too. Leo’s behavior was completely unacceptable! While all of this was happening, Charlotte just said things like “Oh, Leo, you can play on my phone” and wasn’t doing anything to actually discipline my nephew.

While we were outside leaving and Leo was with his grandparents out of earshot, I told Charlotte that this could never happen again. I told Charlotte that she needs to get Leo under control and until she does, he is not welcome at any events in public that I host for the family.

Charlotte said I was a horrible person for excluding a child and to think about how I would have felt as an 8-year-old to know I wasn’t welcome at family gatherings. If Charlotte doesn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings then she can not mention the family events I host or actually do something to discipline Leo.

Our parents understandably asked to not get involved in our disagreement. Friends are divided because some are saying Leo shouldn’t even be in restaurants until Charlotte gets him under control and others claim what I described Leo doing was normal kid behavior. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ActuallyCatiam on 2024-01-03 04:15:55+00:00.

I have 2 my eldest son and his wife is called Ed and Edna and my youngest son and his wife is called Sam and Cat.

Context I have known Edna her whole life. When she was 7 her mom got diagnosed with cancer so I started to help out with raising her. Her and Ed were best friends so it was easy. When she was 10 her mom passed away so I took over all duties of raising a daughter. She started to date my son in college and they got married later on.

I genuinely look at her as my daughter because I basically raised her (her dad drank himself to death when she was 19) with my family. Like she would spend all the holidays like school breaks and go with us to holidays ect.

When they got married they bought the house 4 houses down and has been living there.

Now Cat is very sweet she can cook well and we bond in the kitchen and we get along great. But I really don’t like being called Mom by her I don’t know why but I just don’t. I don’t like it when people or children call me Aunty or nicknames ect. I don’t mind Edna calling me Mom because I feel like I raised her and earned that title.

I have talked to her and my son many times about this. It makes me uncomfortable and she says it shouldn’t. That it is awkward for her to call me by my first name.

This new years dinner she made it a point to call me mom in every sentence and I was annoyed. I pulled her aside and told her to knock it off and she said it’s not fair that Edna can call me mom but she can’t. I told her that i raised Edna so it makes sense. Edna has no family other than us but you have a huge family with a mom that loves you very much.

She said that she feels like I’m rejecting her from the family and I told if after all I have done for you and this is the thing that makes you feel isolated then you need help to be grateful. ( for context Among other things I paid half of her college loans and helped her pay for the house they live in.)

She said that I’m a bitch and Edna can be my favorite DIL and it’s creepy that I will bbsite pups and not my gdkids because she and Sam won’t ever come back. I told her to get out and be a brat somewhere else. Sam got involved and dragged Cat away.

Cat lives 6 hours away and I can’t drive well and they don’t have gust bed for me to stay the night. I pay 25% in childcare tho. E and I have spa days once a month a tradition since she was a teen. So when Cat comes we all go for a spa trip and i always pay.

Sam sent me text asking me to apologize because it’s such a small thing and that cat is serious about her threat.

I left him on read because I didn’t think I need to apologize.

Even my grandchildren call me by my name. They rarely call me grandma and they like calling me by my name.

Actually Edna doesn’t call my mom often. She does sometimes but she always uses my name because she knows I’m comfortable with it. If Cat called me mom one of I don’t mind. It’s just ever single sentence that’s directed to me ends or starts with mom and I feel so uncomfortable

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SpoiledNephthrowaway on 2024-01-03 03:10:40+00:00.

I treat my family to dinners out and other events fairly often. My sister Charlotte recently moved closer to me and our parents. Before then I only saw her and my nephew Leo for holidays. I invited Charlotte on a family dinner out and it was an absolute disaster because of Leo.

Charlotte called me while she was driving to the restaurant. I could hear Leo yelling in the background. Charlotte asked Leo to wait a few minutes until she was done calling me and then she would give Leo her phone. She wasn’t doing anything to actually discipline Leo.

My nephew’s behavior was no better inside the restaurant. Leo is 8 and yet he was acting like some kind of 2-year-old. He was jumping up and down the booths, yelling to get Charlotte’s attention. He threw bread at another patron’s service dog. My dad took away the bread after Leo ignored the first warning and Leo threw a tantrum.

People were staring at us and I would have been too. Leo’s behavior was completely unacceptable! While all of this was happening, Charlotte just said things like “Oh, Leo, you can play on my phone” and wasn’t doing anything to actually discipline my nephew.

While we were outside leaving and Leo was with his grandparents out of earshot, I told Charlotte that this could never happen again. I told Charlotte that she needs to get Leo under control and until she does, he is not welcome at any events in public that I host for the family.

Charlotte said I was a horrible person for excluding a child and to think about how I would have felt as an 8-year-old to know I wasn’t welcome at family gatherings. If Charlotte doesn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings then she can not mention the family events I host or actually do something to discipline Leo.

Our parents understandably asked to not get involved in our disagreement. Friends are divided because some are saying Leo shouldn’t even be in restaurants until Charlotte gets him under control and others claim what I described Leo doing was normal kid behavior. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Separate_Debt_8990 on 2024-01-03 02:34:28+00:00.

Let me start by saying my wife is older than me by a few years and we live in the south so woman who aren’t engaged or even married by the time they are 30 feel like it will never happen. This friend is almost 36 years old and has been looking for “the one” for a number of years. After a few failed attempts she reconnected with a guy she and my wife went to high school with and they have been together for close to a year.

This friend and her boyfriend spent the weekend with us and they were talking all weekend about the stuff she wants and she’s already picked out a date. Mind you, SHE ISNT EVEN ENGAGED, HE HASNT PROPOSED! I was talking to the boyfriend and I tried getting some kind of idea of if he had a plan or a timeline and he didn’t know anything yet and I jokingly said “based on what I heard you’ll need to get a move on” and I could see his eyes widen like he had just seen a ghost. I immediately change the subject since he was clearly uncomfortable and I didn’t mention it again.

It all came to a head when my wife was on the phone with this friend just a few minutes ago. My wife and the friend were talking and I guess the friend and her parents were taking and they parents gave her a budget of how much they would be willing to contribute. I think it’s a generous amount of money and they could have a very nice wedding for but apparently doesn’t feel like it is enough. She’s freaking out about all the different stuff she will have to do but it isn’t real yet. So when my wife got off the phone I asked “What was tonight’s crisis for the in theory wedding” and got back “ugh basically everything”. My wife asked “aren’t you happy for her?” and I said “No, nothing has happened yet, I will be when she has a ring on her finger” and you would’ve thought I killed her childhood dog. Now she thinks I don’t like her friend or want to see her friend experience the same happiness. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Separate_Debt_8990 on 2024-01-03 02:34:28+00:00.

Let me start by saying my wife is older than me by a few years and we live in the south so woman who aren’t engaged or even married by the time they are 30 feel like it will never happen. This friend is almost 36 years old and has been looking for “the one” for a number of years. After a few failed attempts she reconnected with a guy she and my wife went to high school with and they have been together for close to a year.

This friend and her boyfriend spent the weekend with us and they were talking all weekend about the stuff she wants and she’s already picked out a date. Mind you, SHE ISNT EVEN ENGAGED, HE HASNT PROPOSED! I was talking to the boyfriend and I tried getting some kind of idea of if he had a plan or a timeline and he didn’t know anything yet and I jokingly said “based on what I heard you’ll need to get a move on” and I could see his eyes widen like he had just seen a ghost. I immediately change the subject since he was clearly uncomfortable and I didn’t mention it again.

It all came to a head when my wife was on the phone with this friend just a few minutes ago. My wife and the friend were talking and I guess the friend and her parents were taking and they parents gave her a budget of how much they would be willing to contribute. I think it’s a generous amount of money and they could have a very nice wedding for but apparently doesn’t feel like it is enough. She’s freaking out about all the different stuff she will have to do but it isn’t real yet. So when my wife got off the phone I asked “What was tonight’s crisis for the in theory wedding” and got back “ugh basically everything”. My wife asked “aren’t you happy for her?” and I said “No, nothing has happened yet, I will be when she has a ring on her finger” and you would’ve thought I killed her childhood dog. Now she thinks I don’t like her friend or want to see her friend experience the same happiness. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/rosemary_and_baby on 2024-01-03 01:25:30+00:00.

I (26f) work out of state and came home to my parents for Christmas and new year (I’m only working out of state temporarily) I invited my (25m) boyfriend over for new year at my parents house.

He stayed for about three days and we had fun and he made a good impression as he usually does, except for one conversation where my boyfriend was joking about his family dynamic.

I will have to add some context. My boyfriend is from a fairly traditional family where his mum (46f) was at one point a stay at home mother and did everything, at another point she had two jobs and also did all the domestic work while his dad (60m) would just work and do his hobbies. So he grew up in a family where gender roles are a big thing. I on the other hand grew up in a family where my parents did equal domestic work, and the women are as educated as the men. Sadly my father died but my mothers (58f) new husband (57m) is wonderful, for financial reasons they don’t officially live together but mums partner does loads to help around the house even though he doesn’t live at my mothers.

I knew my boyfriend came from a very traditional family and it doesn’t bother me as I knew he doesn’t want that from me and is with me because he likes that I am my own person with a career. The thing is, I’m getting older now and am not in a relationship for the giggles - my parents know this. My boyfriend and I have had many conversations about being properly serious, talk about marriage etc. so my parents are a little extra protective knowing my boyfriend and I’s intentions.

It was after dinner and we were all talking, my mother and step dad were asking my boyfriend about his family and home life. My boyfriend jokes about how much work his mum does and how his dad does nothing, that she does all the chores, cooking, has no hobbies because she’s so busy and how his dad has loads of hobbies and spends a lot of time with his friends. He was explaining this dynamic in such a positive manner, as though it’s totally normal and a good thing. My whole family were visibly shocked and concerned, but my boyfriend kept going. The conversation ended there as no one knew what to say. I was mortified. My parents warned me that I might end up earning 50% of the income while doing all the chores, they said my boyfriend didn’t seem to understand how unfair his mother has been treated. Etc

So I told my boyfriend that was embarrassing for me as it seemed he wasn’t ashamed of the fact his father let his mother work, do all the domestic chores and have no time off. He was upset saying he’s just proud of his parents who have worked hard to get where they are and haven’t had it easy (both are immigrants and have worked so hard) but I respect how hard they work, in particular his mother. I don’t respect how accepting he is of the fact his mother does everything while his father does nothing.

So aita for saying this is embarrassing?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/windupbirdie19 on 2024-01-03 01:15:25+00:00.

I ordered takeout tonight from a new rotisserie chicken restaurant, too tired from driving home from vacation. When it arrived I asked my husband to grab the food while I warmed the baby's bottle and got her food ready. After I walked over to the table where he was unpacking the takeout bags, and he said "I didn't know you ordered from five guys", which is when we realized that someone else's food must have been mistakenly delivered to us. We didn't eat it, just set it aside in case someone came.

A lady then knocks on our door and asks if we got a five guys delivery. We said yes, but we had already opened it before we realize our mistake, but we hadnt eaten any. She left without a word, talking on her cell phone.

About 10 minutes later there was another knock. To my surprise, the police were here and asked if I had ordered take out and if the food was at my door. I explained our mistake, then basically said have a good night and left.

I feel bad for opening the food but it was an honest mistake. The police showing up has me questioning myself though.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Low_Ocelot_5229 on 2024-01-02 23:32:36+00:00.

Me (F28) and my husband (M30) just had our first living baby (7 weeks old), after several miscarriages.

We’re staying with my parents for a few months whilst we have our house renovated. My parents both work full-time so my MIL came to stay for the first couple of weeks to support us. I spent 4 nights in hospital, so having the help seemed a good idea. She enabled us to get more sleep, and helped us with feeds/changes whilst I figured out household stuff. After 4 days of this, I realised it wasn’t the help I wanted. I wanted to be with my baby doing nappies/feeds, and have some alone time with him. I needed MIL to do the dishwasher, cooking, boring stuff. I tried to approach this diplomatically, e.g. asking her to do a change at 7AM and then put him to sleep back in our bedroom so that we’d wake up when he next cried and start our day as a family. Several times my husband and I woke up at midday with no baby in the room, and she told us it’s because he wouldn’t “settle” and we needed the sleep. This got gradually got worse, with her ignoring direct instructions from us (I.e. don’t feed the baby from a bottle), and so we decided to implement some boundaries.

We went out for the afternoon just the 3 of us (me, him, baby) and when we came back she was visibility upset and sulky with us. So then when we went out again we felt guilted into bringing her along.

When she finally left, I felt she’d completely pushed me to the side and taken away my opportunity to bond - which was especially devestating after our losses. We decided to give it some time before seeing her again. My husband and I agreed to cancel future “help” but didn’t want to ruin Christmas so waited until after to tell her. His whole family came for Christmas and due to our worries about germs we implemented a no-one holds the baby rule (except us). She spent the whole day sulking and ignoring my family, which resulted in my Granny (F84) leaving after 1hr because she thought she’d offended her and didn’t want to spoil the day.

She then text my husband after, saying she was heartbroken seeing the baby and not being able to hold him. He then told her future visits were cancelled as we want to parent solo and bond as a family, but offered meeting for walks halfway. She declined, saying it was too painful to see and not hold the baby, as she had spent a magical time with him and missed him so much.

I feel really sad for my husband as his mum is now isolating herself from my family. I’ve tried to be diplomatic and not create drama. But she’s been a huge distraction from our first 7 weeks of parenthood and I am desperate to phone her up and say that she’s ruined my experience of being a mum, been horrible to my family and owes them an apology, and I don’t want her seeing the baby anymore. WIBTA? How can I handle this better? It’s important to my husband that our baby has a relationship with his mum so don’t want to burn bridges.

EDIT: just answering a few questions that have been coming up.

1. The ban is until she apologises to us/my family and stops sulking. This would (hopefully) only be like a month? Not a permanent ban.
2. Baby is premature and spent the days leading up to Christmas in hospital as he was sick. This is why we implemented the ban then, as we were super worried about having so many people from around the country in the house. We didn’t start the rule as soon as he was born, although we didn’t allow visitors in hospital and it was only my parents and MIL who held baby in those first few weeks. This ban includes my parents - they’ve not held baby since he came back from hospital (although it does feel extreme as they haven’t left the house much, but it’s easier to apply the same rules for everyone to - lol - avoid conflict).
3. I know lots of people are saying that I have plenty of time to bond with my baby, and I absolutely know that and can’t wait for our future together. But I’ve lost a lot of babies before this, including one very late in pregnancy. I’ve dreamt about these first few weeks with a living baby for years. It may seem dramatic, but I truly never dared let myself believe I’d bring a living baby home from hospital, and I’m devastated I didn’t advocate for myself for in those first 2 weeks so I could spend every second with him. I’m not exaggerating when I say that MIL spent more time with baby that me - I felt like all I did was feed (whilst being watched / criticised by her - super invasive) and then got baby confiscated to be burped and cuddled by someone else. It was heartbreaking.