Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/thebrownhamster on 2024-01-02 17:55:42+00:00.

Original Post

Please check my original post for more details.

TLDR (for original post): Husband and I are buying a new house together. I have a house I bought before knowing, dating and marrying him. Husband wants his name of the deed of that house.

Vote of thanks:

1. Thank you for all the insights and suggestions from all the enormous number of people that invested their time into reading it.
2. A lot of people suggested I bring in my parents and make it even. I didn't want to take that route because 2 wrongs don't make a right and too many cooks spoil the broth.
3. Finally for all the people you have submitted their decisions whether 'YTA' or 'NTA', thank you. I liked to read all the perspectives.

Update:

I talked to my husband. I told him all my insecurities regarding the matter. I told him how I put my blood and sweat into it, how I have spent nights without sleeping and a few without eating to finish it, how I have plastered and painted the walls myself. He was very understanding. He told me how he didn't know all that and what that means to me. He is fine with not being added to the deed. I suggested him to buy another place which is just his and since it is not the end of the world and we will earn more, we will buy even more assets in future and he was fine with all the suggestions. Talking to his parents he told them that it is not happening. They are still upset and think I am wrong and they did say so. This time however, he told them it's not their decision to make and it should not bother them. We are building a life together, he was wrong to bring them into it and he apologised for that. I apologised for just blurting things without giving reasons and we decided to communicate and talk more when it comes to decisions. He suggested weekly sit downs where we just sit and talk stuff about our future, about our day, anything that is making us unhappy or scared, or happy, anything at all. That would be time for us alone.

I did show him the post and he laughed at it. Got a little sad that I would rather tell a bunch strangers about my fears but him. And we will work on it.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/im-only-here4aita on 2024-01-02 23:30:27+00:00.

ok so i know that making a tiktok about someone is immature, but when i did it i named no names and gave very little detail, plus the person mentioned and many of her friends are blocked. basically i made a silly tiktok to vent a bit about my ex best friend and it was set to now that we don’t talk by taylor swift. it was basically saying now that we are not friends anymore, i don’t have to tolerate the things she did to me that made me miserable, the big one being that she slept with my ex girlfriend after we broke up, which didn’t really bother me at the time (im in a serious relationship and felt it wasn’t my place to judge who my ex slept with) but in hindsight, i realized how inappropriate it was that my “friend” had ever thought it was ok to sleep with someone i had previously been involved with when i knew she would not have been ok with me doing the same, so i said it in the tiktok.

that was a few weeks ago. today, my friend came across a tiktok from a girl who is friends with my ex (we used to be friends too but that’s a whole other story) that was directed at someone who was “putting their exs sex life on blast,” which my friends and i believe was directed at me. while this is technically true, i wasn’t saying “[exs name] had sex with [ex friend] on [insert date here] in [this position],” or some bullshit like that, so my friends are saying that i was hardly putting anyone on blast. my ex was not even the “target” of the tiktok. so am i the asshole for making a joke on tiktok about an unnamed person?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/doctor_25-5 on 2024-01-02 23:18:48+00:00.

So let's call her b and him L

L(30) and I(28) have been together for longer than a decade. In the initial years there was some infidelity but he's a whole new person now. We're in LDR and have been for a while now.. B(27) came in the picture last year when she approached him thinking he was cute and would like to see where things go.. soon she found out that he's taken... Things were okay, b and I never really spoke unless she was around when I called L. Until B reached out to me and started texting me frequently even calling me to talk for hours and mostly about L. She even mentioned " that she would want to date him if he was available and something about how compatible they were together" I didn't make much of it at the time but I just found it strange since she knew were in a rough patch... The next day she pretended to not see me on call and said she needs a hug and went on to cuddle with him and he immediately hung up saying that he'll call me later. After which she texted me saying that she' wass sorry to interrupt our call.. L and I discussed things in length and agreed it was inappropriate and he also mentioned that he realised that she a bit too touchy and is falling on him often so he promised to maintain his distance... But every time they hung out it just made me crazy... And I noticed that she started posting pictures with him as though they were a couple and even went on to tell me that her friends think they are a couple and often ask her why she isn't dating him since they make a great pair! She even wanted to come over at 12 am for his birthday with wine and cake! To which I said absolutely not and made him change the plan. Now L and I are constantly having fights over her and I don't what to do.. I want her out of my life for good which means either she goes out of his life or I leave. I cannot handle how she is always trying to stick to him... I don't fully think he's cheating on me with her but I know he won't cut her out. Should I leave? Am I overreacting?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Specialist_Roof3481 on 2024-01-02 23:01:50+00:00.

A lot of girls liked this guy named Jared. I too really liked him. It’s no surprise a lot of girls wanted him. He is very hot, but also good at school/motivated. He is 6’4 and has a great personality.

We somehow became friends. When we met, he asked me out. But I said I wasn’t interested in a relationship because I was playing hard to get.

He said well, we can be friends then.

So we were friends and started hanging out all the time and also having sex. I was waiting for him to chase after me, but he didn’t.

He was also sleeping with other people, which hurt. I didn’t like to think of him seeing other people, but I was fine with it because I was also seeing other people.

I had a groupchat of friends that all wanted to know about him and kept asking me for details. Everyone thought we would date, it was just a matter of time.

He admitted to me that was the first time he asked someone out. He had flings before, but he still wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship. He said he didn’t know if he could commit to being with one person for the rest of his life, and it didn’t feel right to be in a relationship if he wasn’t a 100% sure he was into them.

I asked if he was 100% with me but he didn’t answer. I said it was fair, he shouldn’t feel pressured to be in a relationship. Anyway we’re in our early twenties and everyone we know just wants to party/hookup. If he meets the right person, he’ll know it. But I knew I was the right person.

Anyway, I thought we understood each other and I thought he really liked me.

Then, randomly, I saw that he had a kiss with someone on new years and he was posting about his girlfriend.

I asked him about it when I saw him next and he told me he found it, the person he feels 100% into. He said he’s never felt like this before.

I wanted to be excited for him, but I just felt disappointed. I said I felt abandoned and hurt. He said what do you mean, you don’t have feelings for me.

I admitted I did, but I was waiting for him to chase after me. I asked why he never did, why did he never put in effort to change my mind after I said no?

He literally scoffed and got annoyed. He said he did like me, but he respected that I didn’t want a relationship, but now he’s upset because I was pretending to be his friend while playing mind games. He said you should be honest from the start.

I said but I wanted you to chase after me. I was playing hard to get, a lot of girls do that when they want a guy to chase them, he should have read the signs. It’s not being dishonest at all.

He said chase you? Why would I do that when I can just move on to the next person? Do you have a magic vagina? Like dude, be honest next time. I don’t have time to play mind games.

I said I wasn’t playing mind games and he was acting like a sexist asshole. I said I didn’t want him anyway, and walked off.

I literally feel humiliated and embarrassed. I hate looking at pictures of him and his girl. She is so pretty and perfect. AITA or him?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/lostandconfused252 on 2024-01-02 23:00:58+00:00.

I (25F) have a sister Melanie (32F) who is a single parent to two kids Leo (7M) and Jake (3M)

I found out through social media that Jake was sick and in the ER. I texted Melanie and asked if she was ok/the situation. Melanie explained that Jake was severely sick and would likely need to be admitted. The hospital he was in is 10 minutes away from my apartment. I asked her if she would like me to be there and she said yes. I said I would go once I finished work. (I work from home)

I get there and she is explaining everything and gets a text from our mother who is watching Leo so my sister can pay attention to Jake. Based on what my mom texted my sister is freaking out. She says I need to go over there because that would be the most help. To explain “over there” is at least 25 minutes away in another town. Its also rush hour so it would be closer to 40 minutes to get there. I have a car that is hanging on for dear life and I really try not to push it too far.

I call my mom to try and get her side of the story and she explains she used the wrong words describing the scenario. My sister gets on the phone and basically has a meltdown based on my mothers replies and Leo’s replies. She says I NEED to go. I explain the car situation and offer to have my boyfriend go (we have been dating for 3 years he’s familiar with the family and both kids love him) she shuts that down. She asked me to take PTO and watch Leo since he is sick as well and she does not like our parent’s parenting style.

I explain that I cannot do that either because I have specific deadlines/guidelines for my job. I need to plan as much PTO as I can ahead of time.

I get told I am selfish and she is now yelling in front of the whole ER how she is asking one thing of me and her son is so sick why cant I just do this for her. How I never watch the kids and I only think of myself.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood issues surrounding my sister so this brought me back to a dark place. I said I cant youve already ruined my life enough and good luck. I then walked out. I got a text that I need to step up as an aunt and all I think about is myself. Am I being selfish/TA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Departure_654 on 2024-01-02 22:59:40+00:00.

For context, I’m so upset at them for not making dentist appointments for me now considering I’m 22, but more so the principle of the whole situation.

I moved in with my dad and step mom about 9 years ago now, and in those years I was in middle and high school, I would ask for a dentist appointment and beg for one. I brushed my teeth regularly and pretty well, but my teeth are the type to just easily get cavities I guess. It’s not like we couldn’t afford a visit, we have pretty good insurance and my parents go once a year. Every time I ask, I would get a “sure” but then nothing happened. When I went to college, I had to make my dentist appointments since I was an adult now. Sure, whatever. But my issue is with now. My brother, 19, is also in college, but he asked for a dentist appointment for during break and they immediately got him an appointment (on my birthday) and made some bullshit excuse to me when I asked them why they couldn’t have done that for me in 9 years. In all those years, according to them, there were no openings for the several dentistry practices around us. None. But for my brother? Oh there was a cancellation so he can go now.

So, is it wrong of me to be upset now or should I just let it go?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Own-Crazy7982 on 2024-01-02 22:54:08+00:00.

I 18f live with my fiance 18m. For context we live by ourselves about 4 hours away from most of our family. Everyone came to our house for Christmas this year. We moved in the summer and didn't have anyone over or drive the 4 hours for Thanksgiving so it was nice to spend the Christmas holiday with our families. The issue stems from opening the presents on Christmas morning. Because my fiance and I are so young and having just moved out on our own, we were on a very tight present budget but I did my best to get gifts tailored to the individual interests of my family. My family tends to usually go all out on Christmas within reason. Everyone around me, my fiance included, got lots of gifts tailored to what they wanted/were interested in. My parents asked me to make a list of things I wanted and my brother asked me for one as well. I got 3 presents, 2 had my fiances name on them as well as mine and the only one with just my name was from my brother. It's important to note here that I am pagan whereas my brother has become a very very rigid Christian. I asked for things like candles, crystals, and a couple steampunk style shirts in general. I got a vacuum and a toaster that I didn't ask for from my parents and my brother gave me a cookbook because he doesn't want me to be a " crystal girl". I feel like I'm acting like a spoiled ungrateful brat because I'm not happy at all about Christmas. Aita?

Edit; I haven't talked about this with anyone except my fiance because he's the only one who got me a present that I actually asked for.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Comfortable_Lab_687 on 2024-01-02 22:51:59+00:00.

Hi reddit! Long time lurker, first time poster. I know how the title sounds, but i could honestly use some outside perspective since anyone else I could ask is biased towards the situation. I, 27M, have been dating my girlfriend, "Lola" 22 for about two years now, and overall things have been pretty great. We have a lot in common, she's popular in both of our friend groups, and most of my family gets along great with her. I say most because my younger brother "Ian" 22 has always been pretty weird whenever she comes up or is around. Ian and I are very close, talking to each other daily, but the conversation will usually change gears right as I start talking about anything Lola related. I thought maybe he was jealous of the time I was spending with her or maybe a little crush on her. Still, whenever we'd get together, he'd make comments about our age gap, poke fun at me for simping, and joke about her sleep disorder. Ian's always enjoyed a good prank, either pranking or being pranked, he loves to laugh and I genuinely believe that when he goes to prank people, he means it in a way to share the laughter. When he's tried to pull little pranks on Lola though, he does things that he figured out triggers her disorder, like making sudden loud sounds, jumping out to scare her, and one time I caught him before he was going to do the shaving cream sleep bit while she was taking a nap in the guest room. I warned him in more detail then that he shouldn't mess with her while she's sleeping, as interrupting her regulated cycles isn't good for her, and AT THE ABSOLUTE BEST she's the WORST kind of cranky when she's woken up. Ian looked like he understood and we went into the living room to game. I thought that was that. I threw a NYE party a few days ago and invited Ian and a bunch of mine and Lola's friends. Everyone was having a good time, my watch went off with the alarm that we set up for Lola to take a nap, she went off with a sleepy smile, I kept partying. 20-ish minutes later we all heard a scream, followed soon after by cussing and something breaking. I panicked as it was from my room where Lola was and I ran through nearly kicking the door down to find Lola on top of someone giving them a serious combo. I looked to see who it was and saw a spider mask that I unfortunately recognized as Ian's from years ago. I heard him begging her to stop, but she only stopped when three of her friends pushed past me to pull her up and check her before she ultimately passed out in their arms. Jan scrambled off the floor and ripped the mask off, revealing the work she'd managed to do in the time it took us to react. He started bawling telling me that she was insane and abusive, that he only wanted to make sure she wasn't going to sleep through the ball drop. At this point everyone started yelling. Jan looked like he wet himself, his eyes were crazy and he kept repeating that she was crazy and that I shouldn't be with someone who could do this to her bf's brother. Some of my guys were yelling that if she did it to him she could do it to me. All of her friends were screaming about how he should know to leave a sleeping girl alone and how it was creepy. Jan ended up calling our mom to tell him that Lola beat him up and she's furious, Lola's friends ended up carrying her out against my protests, and my friends were nearly split down the middle. I remember standing there while everyone argued while the ball dropped, my mother calling me for the tenth time, and Lola finally texting me that she needs space to think. Since then we've lightly texted, she's expressed that she can't shake her fear of what happened, but she still hasn't told me from her side WHAT happened. Ian and my mom are trying to convince me to break up with her, and chastising me for not helping or standing up for my brother when he was being assaulted, also demanding an apology for that. AITA for not defending my brother?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/eldobomazagyamat on 2024-01-02 22:50:49+00:00.

A little background info: I moved back to my childhood home five years ago with my children, and became my father’s caretaker. My father died 10 months ago, leaving the house to me, and the “right to usufruct”(I used Google Translate for this) to my mother.

My main income comes from renting out my apartments (1 3 bedroom, where we lived before, and two one-bedroom) and after my dad’s passing, I started working in a grocery store 3 days a week, 12 hours a day.

After my father’s death, my mother’s reign started: she started constantly criticizing me and my kids but in the most petty ways possible. I tried to de-escalate calmly these situations, I even asked her if she wanted us to move out, and I tried to find ways to coexist in peace.

At the end of November, while I was, there was a big snow, and my daughters (11,13yo) went out and played in the snow, Mom lost it on them, calling me and them every name in the book, and how we are lucky, that she didn’t throw us out to the streets. The reason: the snow was pretty, and they messed it up, and they would bring mud to the house (they didn’t. They left their boots on the terrace)

We had a big fight, and she claimed, she wanted to be finally alone, we’re noisy, we should be more grateful that we don’t have to pay rent to her, etc. I was like okay, we’re moving out.

My tenants ended their lease in November in my big apartment, I just wanted to do some minor renovations before renting it out again, but I was like F it, I can live with the stained old carpets for now, and we started to move back. I had to dip into my savings, and my kids got new furniture for Christmas, but it was worth it. We were even lucky with the school, my kids can go to the same class and friends they had to leave behind five years ago.

The problem starts from here. Mom got a reality check today when she realized she can’t afford that house. We use coal and gas for heating, and it’s a big old house with old windows and no insulation in the brick walls, so the heating cost is high. (I planned to renovate it in the spring, but after my income significantly dropped I can’t afford it)

Well, the gas bill arrived and it's 70% of her paycheck (she's on gov. assistance and has a part-time job)

I was the one paying the bills (and buying the food)

She called me today morning and asked me to pay her bills. Of course, I refused. Then she wanted me to pay her rent (for what?) in the end, she graciously offered to let us move back, but I refused that too.

Well, she went around the family, and of course, they started calling me about it. everyone wants me to do something. I was firm until the guilt sank in.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ninabrave on 2024-01-02 22:37:01+00:00.

I am an avid traveller and have been like this since I was little. I basically work to eat and travel - this is what makes me feel alive.

When I (28F) started going out with my boyfriend (28M) of three years now, he was well aware of it. Since we were both quite young, and he wasn't working yet at the time (he was still a student), I thought it was ok that he wasn't really into it since he didn't have his own income yet.

I started working before him so I had more financial freedom earlier on. So at first, we used to travel to nearby places to spend less, and I thought things would change when he finally started working.

However, he has now been working for a couple of years and still will not even think of joining me on my longer trips. He doesn't have a passport and whenever I bring this up, he says he will get it but then he never does.

At the same time, whenever I propose to him a trip overseas, he insists that I am being selfish because he earns less than me so he doesn't have that financial freedom.

While I do understand that everyone has their own priorities, so I cannot expect him to save up and use up all the money to travel if he is not that into it, I really want to do longer trips because it's what makes me happy, especially now that I am younger and have the energy to backpack.

On top of this, he always puts on it on the financial level although I used to travel even when I was a student with a part time job, so earning less than what he earns now.

Please mind that we often go on holidays and short trips together during the year, where he doesn't have to spend much and doesn't need a passport. But in the summer, when I have more time off work, I was away for one whole month so that I could travel farther away. He inisisted I was being selfish and that since we are a couple we should do holidays together. I hinted that I might do this again this summer, and he got annoyed again for the same reasons, which makes me feel horrible because I really want to spend a longer time away to be able to travel without having to rush back home after two weeks since I have the time and the money to do it and he doesn't seem to be willing to come with me.

So am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/JaguarAdmirable4975 on 2024-01-02 22:36:22+00:00.

I (24F) am not an actor or work in the film industry. However I have a friend (24F) who is an actress and regularly auditions for a variety of roles, ranging from commercials to small parts. As someone who works a boring desk job I always found her career exciting and supported her throughout.

The other day she had an audition and I accompanied her for the first time as we had plans afterwards. I was waiting for her near the reception area when someone approached me. The guy asked if I was there for an audition and I said no, I was waiting for a friend. He asked me if I have any acting experience and I said no. He strongly encouraged me to audition for a particular role and told me a little about the production. I quickly realized that this was the same role my friend was applying to.

I thought it would be hilarious to audition for the same part and tell her all about it. So I went for it. I didn’t take it seriously at all, hell half the time I was asking them questions due to sheer curiosity. (Btw the person who told me to audition was also at the casting call).

Afterwards we met again and I told her everything. Although she was shocked and kept quizzing me about the man who encouraged me to audition, she eventually laughed it off. She joked that I probably blew them away with my “acting chops” and that I’d “totally” get the role. She even said that I didn’t fit the look for the character so I had little chance.

Fast forward to the same evening- I got a call to say I GOT THE ROLE and genuinely thought it was a prank. However it was legitimate.

This single incident completed wrecked our friendship. She accused me of all sorts of things and called me untrustworthy, a snake, that I had…. ‘relations’ with the casting directors etc. It’s not like I “stole” some huge, breakthrough role either (it’s some indie project) but the way she flamed was insane.

The worst part was that she ended up making racist comments. For the record, I’m mixed Jamaican/German and she’s German/French. The role requires a level of German fluency which we both have. She said that I was hired bc I ticked more “diversity boxes” and made some other racially charged comments (including the fact the character I’m playing is fully white). I ended the friendship precisely because she showed an ugly racist side all of a sudden.

To make things worse, many of her actor friends hate me now. She created this narrative where I play the villain and they all think I did this intentionally. I had to cut off lots of them and the few that remain just feel bad for me. One guy I met through her assured me that I did nothing wrong and to continue with this project if I find it fun.

I’m not sure if I want to go ahead with this thing, I’m just so over it. I’d much rather go back to my desk job than deal with this drama already. However I want to know if I am the asshole here? Is she? Are we both?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Disastrous-Option-75 on 2024-01-02 22:34:38+00:00.

I 24 female have a sister in law named Jasmine, 24, who is married to my husbands brother.

We were all at my in laws house for a normal family dinner. I’m a vegetarian. My mother in law is so accommodating and always makes sure there is something I can have and I am so grateful.

My sister in law and I have never gotten along. I find her to be extremely rude. She always tries to flirt with my husband and he is visibly uncomfortable. She says she’s “just joking.” This time she took it too far and made a joke about how much she enjoys sausage in her mouth so I threw a hot dog at her.

Everyone was shocked because I usually just let it go but the whole family couldn’t help but laugh. She burst into tears leaving the table and won’t talk to my husband and I. So AITA?

Edit: the reason I brought up that I’m a vegetarian is because she told my in laws that I must not be one to throw a piece of meat at her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/cali02 on 2024-01-02 22:32:23+00:00.

My parents are obsessed with bringing up my eating habits and relationship with food at least once a day. I am not a bigger girl I am 22F and weigh 160. I have always been bigger than my mother and my sisters as I was a collegiate athlete. I am consistently in the gym so I attest a majority of my weight to muscle. I recently got off my birth control which did put weight on me in some areas such as my breasts and bum, but I still have a very small waist.

Since I’ve been home for the holidays all my parents have commented on is how I need to lose 20 pounds and I should only eat once a day and I need to fast. I felt very comfortable with my body but this has drastically affected me I find myself counting calories and trying to eat less than 1100 a day. I asked my mom how she figures out what to cook for dinner and she told me “you don’t need to worry about cooking you need to worry about losing weight”. My father also commented and asked me my relationship with food and I need to stop looking at food as a comfort which I don’t, he made this comment because out at dinner my aunt asked me if I would like some of her chicken and I had a few pieces. His burrito looked really good and I asked to try it which I thought was okay because he is ALWAYS trying my food, mind you I didn’t even finish 50% of my own plate. But he said that was very uncool of me.

I just want to disappear and they make me feel terrible about myself. AITA for not intending to return to visit anytime soon again over this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mzterrious on 2024-01-02 22:30:33+00:00.

I just left an interfaith marriage (I was raised Catholic, he was not raised with Christmas holidays) after 15 years of being together.

For the entire time, he never got me stocking stuffers. I always hung one for me, and it got to the point that his MOM would feel badly that mine was the only one empty and would buy little trinkets for me.

(Before it's asked, his faith operates on a different calendar, the holidays rotate because the 'months' are different than the currently standardized months, and I learned many new holidays, new language for prayers, and new traditions/dishes so that my kids would be exposed to both sides of their heritage. I'm not religious, the ONLY thing I asked for in exchange was that we celebrate Easter and Christmas as I think they're fun for children.)

This year, I have been seeing a guy about 5 months that's into Christmas enough he grew his beard out and painted it white, wore a Santa hat for his kids, and I helped make them stockings and presents.

I still didn't get a stocking filled for me (even though I'd both done one for him and had talked with him about the disappointment I felt that my ex couldn't even be bothered to do that one very little tradition for me).

It feels simultaneously petty and materialistic (but really, dollar store items and bulk candy- which he should've been buying to do his own kids stockings ANYWAY isn't me asking for diamonds, is it?) and thoughtless all at once.

I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it, so AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sweet_Silver2340 on 2024-01-02 22:29:50+00:00.

(Throwaway account as my family knows about my main account)

I invited my sister “Brittany” over for dinner and she brought her dog with her. Brittany didn’t ask us beforehand. Me and my husband feel it’s common courtesy to not bring a pet to someone’s house or to at least ask beforehand if it’s alright. We really don’t want animals like dogs in the house because most of my husband’s family is allergic and the hair is a pain to clean up.

During dinner, Brittany was feeding the dog food from her plate. Not only that, she was chewing up the food into smaller pieces in her own mouth before putting it into the dog’s. It was disgusting. And me and my husband did not hide on our faces that we found it disgusting. She got bits of food on the floor that I wound up having to clean up.

Brittany tried feeding the dog on our couch which is when I put my foot down and told her no. I told her how rude it was to bring a dog to our house at all without asking and how gross her feeding the dog was. I told her the dog will NOT be on our furniture and that she can either leave the dog in the fucking yard or get out. I know I wasn’t being nice. But I was just so frustrated with Brittany. Brittany took her dog and left.

Brittany has not responded back to any calls or texts. But our parents did reach out to tell me I was wrong for how I handled the situation. Without getting into too much detail, I’m just going to say that Brittany has had some pretty crappy romantic partners. My Dad said I should understand that the dog was there for Brittany during some really hard times and that it isn’t just a dog to her.

I told them that I’m sure if Brittany was getting bits on their floors, he’d be changing his tune. My mother took over the phone and told me that I didn’t have to let Brittany’s dog make a mess but I could have been more understanding and communicated in a better way than telling Brittany to just leave the dog she sees as a baby in the “fucking yard.”

I know that losing my temper with Brittany was far from the most civil way of handling the situation. But my sister isn’t an idiot. She should understand basic common courtesy and be called out for such gross behavior. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/justrandomlilartist on 2024-01-02 22:17:32+00:00.

Some background, my best friend hates when people find out about her yt channel, but she has it linked to mine. This boy who always bothers us and is rude to us is always pressing about sharing our channels.

Today, i was talking to my best friend when the boy came to bother us again. I decided just let him see my youtube channel, but then he went and clicked on my best friends channel, despite us telling him not to. He proceeded to taunt my best friend and me for trying to stop him, and kept annoying her on purpose. He said its his life and we don't control him, and now my best friend is super mad at me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AlternativePainter98 on 2024-01-02 22:17:30+00:00.

Me and my husband (28F & 30M) lost our son late last year, a week before christmas. It was a tough time for us and we went through what we thought was the end for us. Our son died and we thought our world was going to end like any parents would think. For a bit of context when my son was alive, his grandmother wanted nothing to do with him, because we didn’t pick the name she wanted it to be. She didn’t even send him a birthday card or come to visit us when we were in hospital when he was ill. She contacted me on NYD asking about the funeral and I told her she wasn’t allowed to attend and if I saw her on the land where it was taking place I would have her removed. I told my husband this and he agreed with me. But I feel bad. But at the same time I don’t, she wanted nothing to do with him when he was healthy, she wouldn’t visit or give him birthday cards or even a christmas card. The when he fell ill we did inform her and she hang up on us. Now she’s making me feel like a bad guy for not inviting her to a funeral of a child she wanted nothing to do with because of a simple name.

She’s never wanted anything to do with my son. She was a horrible mother to my husband and even he gave me permission to say that. You may say I don’t have a right but she’s never been a grandmother to OUR SON. Me and my Mother in law go further back than this, she didn’t even attend my baby shower which she was invited too. She was contacted by my mother who has told her if she wanted to see the grave after the funeral, then my mother will go with her and she’s not allowed to put anything on the grave unless me or my husband have given her permission.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/northward3ats on 2024-01-02 22:15:35+00:00.

Am I wrong for expressing concern about my sister's eating habits? I've noticed her eating very little for the past three weeks, and given my friend's recent recovery from an eating disorder, I'm worried about her health. My friend was diagnosed with an eating disorder, and recently recovered from it. I've seen hints of it but never acted on it. I realize that it was as clear as day, and now I'm seeing hints with my sister. When I brought it up, she got angry, saying it's none of my business, and she doesn't care if she dies. I try to explain that she doesn't need to be thin, and this isn't how you properly lose weight. That she just has a different body type. My brother cut in, suggesting I be more considerate, which led to an argument. My brother is the type of person to not care at all for others feelings, and has admitted to not caring about her eating problem. I lost it and yelled at him for saying how I should be more considerate when he's not. My sister burst into tears and left the room. Now my sister won't talk to me, leaving me wondering if I was out of line. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dangerous-Bunch1200 on 2024-01-02 17:48:13+00:00.

I (30F) was named after my deceased grandmother, Phyllis, whom I never got the chance to meet. She was the matriarch of my dad’s side and her death left a great impact. I was the first child in the family born after her death. My mom says she really didn’t want to name me this but my dad strong armed her.

This name has been difficult for me in a number of ways. My dad refused to let me go by a nickname all throughout my childhood. The other kids still found ways to mock me. Such as calling me “Phil” and telling me I had a boy’s name. Then in my teens, they’d ask me if I wanted to be “filled”. Now, I know kids can find anything to tease people with but it certainly didn’t help.

The larger reason it was hard is I felt like I had to live up to a ghost. It doesn’t help I look just like her. I was constantly reminded of the legacy I had to live up to. Any time I made a mistake, I was told I needed to uphold the honor of the name.

Keep in mind, I have always listened to my dad’s stories, learned about the history and I greatly appreciate that I was named after someone so amazing. And I tell my dad this, even though I say I’m not a fan of the name.

In college, I decided to reinvent myself and began going by Lissa. In time, people began to assume my name was Alyssa and I just went with it. To the point that’s all my friends, colleagues, etc. called me this. My family was aware but would still call me Phyllis which I accepted for the time. My dad made his disappointment clear but I told him all that mattered is he got to to call me it. I also explained why the name was difficult to me several times, both growing up and as an adult and he told me the meaning behind it was greater than bullies and that I should be honored to have such a legacy.

I got married last fall and it was an issue for my dad that the officiant called me Alyssa, that Alyssa was written on all the wedding decorations and invitations. When I went to hyphenate my last name with my husband’s, I also chose to legally change my name to Alyssa. I had my grandmother’s middle name as well my whole life and I kept that as it was never an issue (it’s Marie for those curious).

The issue for my dad is that his family has grown used to calling me Alyssa. I never asked them to, but they chose to do so. My dad has said that I was wrong to change my name and that I should feel honored. I tried to explain my reasoning and he said it hurt him that I didn’t care enough.

I got mad and said I cared enough to respect him calling me Phyllis and never correcting him. I respected him by always validating his feelings and never telling him he was wrong, while he always brushed mine off. But if he wanted the truth, I wasn’t born to be a reincarnation of his mother. I am my own person and it’s not fair for him to put his grief on me. This really upset him. My mom said I pushed it too far by saying all of that. I feel bad he’s upset but I don’t know if I agree I was wrong. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Excellent_Hornet_388 on 2024-01-02 17:45:17+00:00.

Been with my BF for 3 years. Was introduced to his 3 children 6 months or so ago. Great kids but all of them lack boundaries and it's obviously a parental issue more so than their issue. They are 13(male), 12(female) and 8(male). The 2 younger ones have ADHD as well and are off the walls 24/7.

We started doing weekend sleepovers 2 months ago and it's honestly been hell. For no other reason outside of the fact that I literally have zero space to decompress because the kids follow you everywhere you go. They have no clue how to entertain themselves. Given that they are literal children, I don't blame them. But my one hard limit is the kids being in my room. I don't like anyone in my bedroom. That's my private space. But there have been multiple times when I have been in the bedroom and one or all of the kids will come in and just take over my bed completely. Laying down with their tablets. Or if I'm watching TV in there, more often than not they will come in and take over my TV or just talk 24/7 so I can't focus on anything other than them and their questions. Despite the fact that usually when I do watch TV in my room, it's because they have taken over the TV in the living room and there's no place to sit. I've told my BF I don't want anyone in my room and that it makes me uncomfortable but it's almost as if he thinks it doesn't apply to his children because just days after telling him this, him and I were watching a movie around 7pm (when the kids have their downtime and had a movie on for themselves in the living room) and all of his kids came in to my room and immediately climbed in to my bed so I was stuck in a 2ft square in my own space because I couldn't move otherwise. That and they bring their tablets with them. So I'm trying to watch a movie and all 3 of them have their tablets on my bed with the volume up and I have never been so overstimulated in my life. And it happens all the time. If we are in my room, they are too. If we are in the kitchen, they follow us. If we go outside, they are right behind us (but we can't get them to go outdoors by themselves).

Yesterday I had a terrible day (family stuff). My BF had his kids over and I was just needing space away from their chaos. I said I was going to my bedroom to get time alone. BF comes in maybe 20 minutes later to check on me and not even 2 minutes following that, his kids are in my room and on my bed. The youngest doing flips and moving the bed from the wall. I told them to get out 6 times before they actually listened. My BF said they just want to be around us and I said I don't care. My bedroom is off limits from this point forward. He said he doesn't think he can do that because he enjoys having his kids near him and doesn't want to shut them out and asked me to reconsider or "make a schedule" of when they could be in my room with us. I refuse. He says I'm being unreasonable and that by being with a single parent, I need to learn compromise.

ETA: I'm 30. He's 32. The only issue I have is with the kids being in my bedroom. I don't hide away in there or anything like that (kinda sounded like that in the post due to poor wording). I usually only slip away to my bedroom between 6-7pm but they almost immediately follow me because their dad does. Admittedly, if they would just sit down and not do flips or jump on my bed or shift the bed away from the wall or even wipe their feet before getting in to my bed, I would probably be willing to compromise. However, they've been told several times that my bed is not a jungle gym and to stop jumping/doing front flips. The youngest does not listen at all because of the overwhelming amount of energy he has. He is constantly doing flips over everything- not just my bed. Not a single one of them wipe their feet so there's constantly dirt and when I remind them, it's met with a "sorry, I forgot" and then still don't wipe their feet. They're great kids. I get along with them really well. But it doesn't change the fact that my space is disrespected and they have no business being in my bedroom. We do not live together. This is happening at my home. He has been bringing the kids to my house every other weekend because we have been tiptoeing around the idea of moving in together.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/cawcaw24 on 2024-01-02 17:26:02+00:00.

Back story- When my husband and I announced to my In-laws we were having a girl (due in April) my FIL's reaction was turning to my 19month old son and with a disgusted face, repeating "its a stinkin girl, it's a stinkin girl". He he continued to make negative little comments about her to my son. What put me over the edge was as he was leaving he made it a point to come back into the house, call out my sons name and say "maybe your sister will grow a ding dong". I said "No, she's a girl and if you don't like it, you won't be around". I grew up with a grandparent who blatantly favored the boys over us girls. We were nothing to her, so it broke my heart to hear this about my unborn daughter. Literally bawled my eyes out the rest of that night. The week after that he stopped over uninvited/unannounced and demanded to speak to me. (Husband told his mother how upset we were with all his negative comments and how I grew up with that.) I tried to avoid him, but he came up to me and said "what, you're not going to talk to me?" I replied "I have nothing nice to say to you". He says "wow really?" I repeated "I have nothing nice to say to you right now". He lost his shit. Started calling me a Fing B* and how I'm "showing my true colors". I continued to repeat "I have nothing nice to say to you" (mind you, my toddler is on my hip the entire time this man is cussing and berating me). Now I'm livid. We haven't seen him in over 2 months as he hasn't been welcome at our house.( He also sent a letter a week later stating my husband and son are no longer patients at his medical practice). MIL has only seen our son twice since, because she "feels bad" seeing him when her husband can't. He denies doing anything wrong, luckily my husband heard EVERYTHING.l Anyway, MIL asked my husband what we wanted for our son for Christmas so he sent her a link to one of those indoor wooden climbing gyms for toddlers. We thought it would be perfect for him to stay active during winter and when the new baby arrives. My husband attended his family's Christmas (son and I did not go) but his mother would not let him bring the gift home for our son, saying "I want to give it to him". Totally cool, I completely understand that. We invite her over to our house for Christmas eve, she won't come. She decided (because FIL went out of town) to come over just the other day. My husband asks where the wooden gym was and she says "I want your father to be there and give it to him too". Neither my husband or MIL want to tell this man he's in the wrong. I honestly don't see anything changing in the near future, so I ordered the climbing set myself. It comes in next week. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA1909999 on 2024-01-02 17:23:10+00:00.

When my niece Ana was 9, her mom found out about my older brother cheating on her.

It had been going on for more than 2 or 3 years and my ex SIL was devastated. She moved out and filed for divorce. She was in a poor financial state so she couldn't take Ana with her and Ana didn't want to stay with her dad (ex SIL told her about the affair and all the details). So I took Ana in.

During the divorce proceedings ex SIL died in a car accident. She was drunk driving.

My brother moved his affair partner (my current SIL) into his house 1 month after his ex wife's death. They married and started their own family. My brother tried to reach out to Ana but my niece wasn't having it. She's fought and argued all the way and after several months of yelling and crying, my brother asked me to take Ana in as his new wife was expecting a baby and Ana was being aggressive to both of them.

I gladly took my niece in and since then, she's lived with me. Though, my brother was financially responsible for her studies, everyday needs, college etc. I was a fun uncle that she just felt comfortable with and relied on for company. She stopped being close to a lot of our family members as they slowly started accepting the new wife and her kids. Ana never got close to the new kids and often threw fits if I spent too much time with them.

It wasn't healthy and I tried to get her into therapy and though it helped her move on, she never quite repaired her relationship with her dad.

Recently, Ana got engaged to her HS sweetheart. She told me but the rest of the family had to find out from social media.

This Christmas, when Ana came (after I requested her to join us) everyone congratulated her and asked details. Ana didn't really answer them much and didn't say anything about inviting them. She rejected my brother's offer to pay for the wedding.

Then, when everyone was opening the gifts, Ana told me that her gift to me was she wanted me to walk her down the aisle.

My immediate reaction was to say yes and hug her. But obviously it was shocking to everyone else and really hurtful to my brother. He asked her how she could do this to him and Ana simply said I don't want a cheater to walk me down the aisle. More arguements ensued but Ana didn't budge and left the next morning before everyone woke up.

After the adults discussed and comforted my brother, he told me he doesn't want me to walk her down the aisle. I said I won't do that and it's not my fault Ana hasn't forgiven you yet. He said I was being an ass and putting more fuel to the fire.

My sisters also said maybe if I said no, Ana might reconsider. But I don't want to do that. I've always been there for Ana and she's always relied on me. So, WIBTA if I went ahead and walked my niece down the aisle?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maleficent_Piano_840 on 2024-01-02 16:36:32+00:00.

I [27F] have been with my fiancé [29M] for 4, almost 5 years now. He is a South Asian Muslim, but was born here in America, while I am White and Christian. He is not very religious, but I am fairly devout in my own faith. His family is also fairly religious and his mother and sister both wear hijab. We live on the west coast, but both of our families are on the east coast, but my family lives in the south and his family lives in the north so they are far away from each other. This is all relevant.

The two of us flew out to visit my family for Christmas and New Year's. We flew in on the 22nd and the plan was to stay until the 2nd, when we'd be flying back home. His dad has been fairly sick for a while, and just a day after we arrived at my parent's house, he passed away. This was unexpected, since he'd been doing better recently. Obviously my fiancé was devastated and instantly booked us both flights so that we could attend his funeral together. We would've flown out on the 24th, so the flights were fairly expensive, booked last minute as well. Of course, I was sad to miss Christmas with my family and my parents were very disappointed, but I was happy to go to support him.

However, a few hours before we were going to fly out, he informs me that I'll have to wear a hijab to enter the mosque for the service, and would not be allowed to go to the graveyard either. I did not feel comfortable doing this, so I told him I would rather not go. I figured if I couldn't attend the service, I might as well just stay with my parents so we could still do Christmas together, and he could come back to join us. This was a very hard decision for me to make, but my parents helped me a lot in making it.

My fiancé seemed okay with the decision and left without me, although before he left he asked if I couldn't just come and not attend the service. He attended the service, but he hasn't come back, and told me on the 29th he'd be doing New Years there and hasn't messaged me since. His sister, who I've always been close with, texted me and told me how disappointed she was in me and that what I did was wrong. I don't think I did anything wrong since I couldn't attend the service anyway. She also said I should've at least paid him back for the flight that he got for me, but it was almost $1000, and I simply can't afford that. My fiancé makes almost 5 times as much as I do, and his family is also very wealthy, so I know the money is not an issue. My parents agree with me and said that it was important to spend Christmas with them, especially since it's the first after being engaged. They also think it was wrong of him to completely abandon me and our plans for New Years. My sister said I should've gone anyway to support him. AITA?

Edit: I would just like to mention that my parents (and me as well) wanted him for New Years to show him their support since we are his family now too. Not to party or anything. And plus, his sister posted a picture of him, her, their other sister, and his childhood best friend all laughing together and captioned it "making sure your brother brings in the new year with the three women who love him most" (probably because she knew it would make me upset) so it's not like he couldn't have spent New Year's with us.

Edit 2: I wasn't being selfish at all. I understood that his needs took priority, but I just don't think there was any point to going if I couldn't attend the service, especially since he was supposed to come right back and I could give him all the support he needed. If I had known he was going to stay longer, I would've flown out to see him. I'm respecting his needs by allowing him to have as much as space as he needs and allowing him to spend time with his best friend, despite the fact that he knows I don't like her. It's not like I'm unwilling to make sacrifices for him.

Edit 3: My objections to wearing the hijab wasn't just strictly religious. I understand that it wouldn't make me any less Christian, but it just felt wrong and it made me feel uncomfortable to participate in something I don't believe in. Yes, his best friend did attend the service and yes she did wear a hijab as well even though she is White and Catholic. However, I understand that she was also very close with his dad since she knew him most of his life. I recognize now that I still should've traveled to be with him and his family, and that spending Christmas with my family wasn't as important. However, this was my first Christmas engaged, the first one without my grandfather, and my family was all really looking forward to celebrating this new chapter. My parents had also expressed concerns that we wouldn't be able to celebrate Christmas together since my fiancé doesn't celebrate it and they were afraid it wouldn't be as important for us, so it was sort of a sensitive issue for everyone. I was trying my best to keep the peace.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/New-Battle-5375 on 2024-01-02 16:35:34+00:00.

In March I'm taking my family on vacation to Nicaragua. This is a trip I've been planning for a couple years and is somewhat of a splurge for me.

I have 6 children (31M, 30M, 19F, 16M, 9F, 7M). My oldest son is paying for himself and his 2 sons (7M, 5M), and I'm paying the costs for everyone else including my 30 y/o's fiancé and my 16 y/o sons’ best friend.

My girlfriend is also coming with us and I'm paying for her and her 5 y/o daughter.

My 19 y/o daughter asked me if her boyfriend (of 15 months) could come with us on vacation. My answer was yes but that he would have to pay the extra costs (flights, excursions, etc). We're renting a house and my daughter would be getting her own room anyway so he could stay in there for no extra cost.

According to her, the only reason her boyfriend isn't coming is because he can't "afford" it. This essentially translates to his parents have refused to pay for it. I know his parents are wealthy and in fact are currently on vacation. My daughter is not with them and from what I know was not invited.

My daughter has been begging me to just pay for him so he can come. My answer has remained no, and we have argued quite a lot about it.

One of her biggest objections is that I am paying for multiple other non-family members and that her older brother (30M) is old enough to be paying for himself. She has not agreed with my defences.

When it comes to my 30 y/o and his fiancé, they would have chosen not to come if I was not covering the bigger expenses for them. They are paying for a wedding in May and don't have money for a trip like this right now. I love them both and wanted them to come which is why I'm happy to pay for them.

My 16 y/o has been best friends with the kid that's coming with us since 1st grade. He's been raised by a single mom, dad's not in the picture and money's always been tight for them. He's never been on a proper vacation, and he spends so much time at my house he is practically family.

My daughter's biggest issue is my paying for my girlfriend and her daughter, which she then escalated to be about any of the money I've spent of my gf. I told her it was none of her business how I spend money on my partner or how we split expenses. I earn 3x as much as my gf why would I expect her to split costs evenly.

My daughter is upset with me right now and I feel bad but don't really think I'm being an asshole. My gf thinks I was being an asshole during an argument with my daughter because I pointed out the people I'm paying for are the people I want to be there, obviously making her think I just don't want her bf there, even though I have a neutral stance on it. My gf thinks I should cut my losses and just pay for the bf. I think she's just saying this because she feels bad my daughter turned it into an issue about her. Am I being the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BeautifulExplorer363 on 2024-01-02 15:46:15+00:00.

So this has been a long thing coming. My soon to be husband has a sister let’s call her Mia. Now Mia and I do not click very well. I am polite but I wouldn’t say we are friends. I felt I was forced by his family to make her a bridesmaid or she will be sad.

I am going to be blunt, Mia is fat and very insecure about it. This has led bridesmaid dresses shopping to be a nightmare. Never could find something she wants and all the other bridesmaid and me liking it. So I gave everyone two options to vote on. Option one was getting a dress that can be styled multiple ways, or picking from a collection so everyone matches but they will need to pay for it. Option two was I will buy everyone’s dress but what I chose the dress and my decision is final.

My five bridesmaids voted and options two won. So I picked out a blue strapless dress with a mini slit. I really like it and I knew Mia would have an issue with it. I sent a picture to all the bridesmaid and confirming the right size before I ordered it.

This is where it blew up. Mia was pissed I picked a revealing dress. This resulted in an argument where she thinks I am a huge jerk and I told her she can step down if she has issues with the dress.

She tried to get the family on her side but everyone knows I gave them options and had watched me struggle to find something everyone wants.

Edit: she voted for the option where I pay for the dress. I truly didn’t ask her since her and MIL announced she was one of my bridesmaid at a family gathering. The only way to keep peace with the whole family was basically giving her what she wanted.

I also have gone to 4 different shops to find a dress for everyone.