Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Shoddy_Recipe4227 on 2024-01-02 18:30:04+00:00.

Do I own a hot dog cart that I run outside city hall. Over the last couple years I have started giving the homeless people hotdogs and spare change to help me out. They will clean and pick up cigarette butts, pick up trash, keep away the real scary homeless, etc. I even bought a hot dog suit offline and one guy will wear it and wave at cars. I admit that I think its kind of funny to have this Grizzly Adams looking guy wave at traffic in a hotdogs suit. My wife says I am taking advantage but they don't seem to mind. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Blueberryhigh0 on 2024-01-02 18:27:49+00:00.

So, I am Latina. We do not have very separate races, only in my country we have between 20 to 30 different castes. We do not have "black" hair salons, but rather hair salons for curly hair. Here you can be brunette, black , or white-skinned (but we don't really have someone who is purely "white") and still have 4a or 4b hair. We are all mixed. I have no idea what caste i am, but I'm brunette and have 3C hair, and the last half of 2023 I was in the United States for reasons. But the casual hair salons you find everywhere don't know how to treat my hair? they literally tried to comb it dry? A guy tried to straighten my hair in the front because it didn't sit the way he wanted it to shape? I complained about it and someone asked me why I didn't try a black hair salon, so I did and it worked. My hair was beautiful and shiny with super defined curls and I felt like a princess. The thing is, I was staying at the house of a Latina friend who married a black man. When I mentioned to them that I was going to miss my hairdresser when I got home because she had magic in her hands and my hair had never looked so pretty, he got upset. He said it bothered him how relaxed I was about going to a black hair salon when I'm not black. That the way they treat his hair is part of their culture and I was invading it. I apologized for that and explained that I didn't really understand the cultural divide because I hadn't known anything about it in my country. I asked him to explain the cultural issues behind, He refused, saying that he didn't have to explain his culture to me when I wasn't part of it. I asked him what i was supposed to do with my hair when no other salon knew how to take care of it, He said he didn't know but that it had nothing to do with him. Anyway, I returned to my country and here I continued going to the curly hair salon I always went to. My friend wrote to me a couple of hours ago telling me that they were currently fighting over the argument he and I had regarding my hair. She considered that he was over exaggerating, He thought she was being inconsiderate. I feel guilty about it and I feel like I was an idiot for going to that salon knowing how big a racial divide there is in the United States, But my friend says it's not my fault.

So, Reddit community that will be more objective than my friend about this, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/heretherevrywhere on 2024-01-02 18:23:56+00:00.

I (34F) have 2 children from my previous relationship (11M, 8F) and one with my husband, who this post is about (3F). My eldest 2 have a white father and my youngest daughter’s dad is Senegalese. I’m responsible for her hair. I have learned about black hair textures and used the internet to research styles, and to educate myself on the unique relationship black women and girls have about their hair.

I feel I do a good job caring for it. She has tighter and thicker curls than I had expected, but I learned about that too. Usually I have it in two space buns or just out. Sometimes I do braids. We had a family New Year’s Eve party. I decided to try something new. I googled to make sure it wouldn’t hurt her to apply heat to her hair. It said it is fine to straighten a 3 year old’s hair once in a while if they can sit through it. My daughter is calm and well behaved so it was fine.

The style I wanted was just for her hair to be out but for it to lay more flatly. I used a heat protectant before blow drying it. She loved how she looked, and I thought she looked so cute. My husband said it was cute as well. During the party, my husband’s sister pulled me aside and said she was upset I straightened our daughter’s hair. She said it could damage her self esteem and make her hate herself. She reminded me that it is a good thing it is steadily becoming easier for black girls to have their natural hair and I shouldn’t undermine it. She wasn’t being unkind but it was hurtful to hear.

The next day I talked about it to my husband who said his mother had called him to complain about her hair as well. He took my side and said she will not be damaged in the longterm to have straight hair once in a while and she felt beautiful that night. I want to believe him but I am struggling not to feel bad. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CompetitionHuman2067 on 2024-01-02 18:20:52+00:00.

Hello, reddit, all names used here are fake.

Every year for as long as I can remember, a few days before Christmas, my family goes to the local winter fair. This started as a way to celebrate my grandfather's birthday, and although now he is no longer with us it is a tradition we have continued. I have two sisters, my older sister 'Lottie' (35f) and my younger sister 'Olive' (23f). Lottie has a daughter 'Rosey' (4f) from a previous marriage, and her husband has three children (8f, 10m, 12f). While she only married her husband in March, they have been together for a couple of years so her stepchildren have come to family stuff before. While she is a very involved grandmother, my mother has never considered Lottie's stepchildren to be part of the family.

A few days before we were supposed to meet up for the fair, my mother messaged the family group chat to tell us she had booked us a table at a restaurant, but she had not booked enough places for my sister's stepchildren, and had only booked Rosey in to see Santa. Lottie was upset with this and wanted the booking to be changed, but my mother refused. She thought her stepchildren should spend the day with their mother, or Lottie's husband could stay home with them, as this tradition was for family only.

So, my sister decided not to go with my mother. She and her husband decided on a different day to attend the fair with all of their children.

Here is where I may be the asshole. Lottie asked me and Olive to go with her too, to reinforce to my mother that her stepchildren were part of the family and should be included in family activities. While I agree with the sentiment, the date she chose was a day when I already had plans with my girlfriend. Lottie asked me to cancel my plans as this outing was more important, which I disagreed with as my girlfriend was going away with her family for Christmas/New Years so this would be the last time I saw her for three weeks.

I stuck to my plans and spent the day with my girlfriend. Lottie still went with her husband and their children, my mother went with some friends and Olive, and I thought everything was fine.

However, Lottie completely blanked us when we tried to arrange plans for New Year's, and when she did eventually reply she told us she was spending it with the family that 'cared enough to stick up for her'. She is especially angry that I chose my girlfriend 'over my family' and that Olive still went with our mother. I had not expected this to turn into a big issue, she gave me little notice and I do not think I was unreasonable for not wanting to cancel my plans, but I think given my mother's attitude this meant a lot more to her than I initially thought. So, AITA for not cancelling my date to attend my sister's holiday tradition with her and her stepchildren?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Every-Cow-5993 on 2024-01-02 18:18:27+00:00.

I(18M) am currently spending winter break at my folks's after my first semester at college. While at college I had gained a considerable amount of weight to my parents' irritation.

In my mom and dad's culture, thinness is a very prized quality, and they often call me fat even when to the average observer's eye there is little to no fat, so when I came back looking noticeably fat they blew up.

They got me a gym membership and told me to start losing weight. The way it works is I would drive to the gym on my own and then they would measure me every week.

I was pretty annoyed at the way my parents overreacted to what is a completely normal thing(I even tried explaining the freshman 25 to them but they didn't understand or get it)

It's now been 3 weeks since break has officially begun, and I have been going to the gym. But the workout they prescribed me involved a lot of high intensity workouts and after the first day where I faithfully stuck to it, I got tired and irritated so I went to the movie theater room of our gym, a room where they show movies in front of 30 stationary bikes/treadmills and I walk at my own pace.

My parents noticed that I'm not meeting their weight loss guidelines, so they started asking me if I was doing the regimen like they told me too. I said yes at first but then they put on pressure and eventually I confessed that I've just been walking while watching movies.

Now they are calling me a thief and demanding that I pay them back my college fees(I got scholarships for tuition but they had to cover room and board) that they payed for me and that I pay them back for the food I ate while on break as well as the gym fees, and I'm feeling bad that I didn't try as hard at the gym as they wanted me too.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ImpracticalInversion on 2024-01-02 18:18:11+00:00.

More like are WE the assholes...

I'm a 28F that is part of a psychological/parapsychological study, for my university. it;s a private study and so can only share minimum details. Basically this study revolves around the "tiered interpersonal relations" between mothers and their natural born children. Rules are simple: must be 18 or older, be available between 12pm -4pm for various sessions, preferably children 2 or under, must be local, open to potentially invasive medical physicals, open to various philosophical ideologies, and children must be natural born.

The overseers offered a handsome sum for participation too, drawing in quite a few. one of the applicants did NOT like the stuff about the physical, but wanted to participate. I bluntly let her know this is for scientific research, and it's expected. she then revealed being a transwoman and I tried as politely as possible to inform her she didn't qualify.

she was furious and said "I knew this would happen". She went on to accuse me of being a transphobe and that our whole operation was tr****hobic, prejudice and deliberately excluded transpeople of such research.

I informed her, the study has nothing against transpeople, but the individuals involved must be mothers with natural born children. She scoffed saying "my babies ARE natural to me, we have a connection that most natural mothers don't have with theirs". And then I said "the study delves into bonds based on psychology, genetics, and other things that adoptive parents simply don't have." She called me a sexist bitch and I then got MAD. I argued that if a transman asked to participate that he could, so long he did naturally gave birth, as he would physically be able to, therefore is qualified. emphasizing that this is science and biology, and her feelings as an adoptive mother does not qualify for BIOLOGICAL study.

she scoffed and called me a tr****hobe and a s#xist towards transwomen, and threatened to report me. my instructor told me I was fine and nothing would come of this. It has me wondering though if studies like these could be tr****hobic or not. I mean... I was told transmen are allowed so long they naturally gave birth, so I don't think we're the assholes, but I'm still wondering...

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Historical_Shift494 on 2024-01-02 18:36:37+00:00.

My parents had me (15M) as their only kid for years and I never really thought they wanted me. But then almost 5 years ago they had my sister Cassie (4F). They were as hands off with her as they were with me but after the first year of her life they stopped paying for a babysitter and started relying more on me to hold her and do stuff for her and I did it naturally because I didn't want her to grow up feeling as unwanted as I did.

Almost a year ago she called me dad for the first time and it was a big surprise but only happened once so I thought correcting her was enough. But it started happening more and in front of our parents and they said nothing and when I mentioned it to them they had zero reaction and basically ignored the topic.

Since September/October all she has called me is dad and I tried to talk to her but I guess I don't know how to talk to a 4 year old in a way that she'll get because she just keeps doing it and it's frustrating but also worrying me. I don't want to be responsible for her forever. I don't want to be the only parent she has and I don't want to be forced to take her with me when I turn 18 and get the fuck away from my parents. But as it is I'm the only person she has an attachment to so it might be too late. I just really don't want to give up college so I can support her.

I sat my parents down and told them they need to do better or find someone else to take care of her. They told me I was blowing things out of proportion and I don't even remember my old babysitters so clearly she'll figure shit out eventually and won't think of me as her dad always. They said they keep a roof over our heads so the least I can do is make sure she's taken care of for them so they don't have to. I said they are making things toxic as fuck between us and they told me they did not care.

So I told them I won't help out with her now and they will have to figure shit out like they did with me because I refuse to sign up for a lifetime of being her dad by continuing the way things are.

They told me it would be cruel to drop her like that and told me I am part of this family and I will carry out the role they assigned for me. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Level-Barracuda-1528 on 2024-01-02 18:14:48+00:00.

When I (28F) was 19, I got pregnant from a one night stand. The father, “Aiden” wanted to be around and was supportive from the start. We never got together but we became very close friends. Unfortunately, when I was 8 months pregnant, Aiden died in a car accident. It devastated me, as well as his family. To this day, it haunts me that he was never able to meet our son, “Brady”.

Aiden’s family has been heavily involved in Brady’s life since the beginning. Birthday parties, celebrations, etc. They always made me feel welcome. I started dating again when Brady was 2 and his parents, “Michelle and Dan” actually encouraged me too. They said I deserved to be happy. They even watched Brady occasionally so I could go on dates. Brady has always been told about his dad.

When Brady was 4, I met “Justin” (now 31). It took 6 months for him to meet Brady and from the start, they bonded quickly. A couple of months later and Justin met Aiden’s family. They loved him. I was always clear with Justin that their family would always be in our lives, especially for Brady’s benefit. He agreed it was the best.

I married Justin 2 years later. Brady began calling him “papa” on his own. He still talked about Aiden and called him “daddy”. I kept all pictures of Aiden up. Brady proudly said he had 2 dads. Michelle and Dan seemed fine. A year later, Justin brought up adopting Brady and I agreed.

That’s when Dan and Michelle began to show their displeasure. I explained that we’d never stop Brady from seeing them, we’d always talk about Aiden, show pictures, etc. We also planned on hyphenating their last name with Justin’s. Dan and Michelle argued with me. I tried to keep things calm for Brady’s sake. But then Michelle and Dan tried to stop the adoption. It didn’t work and the adoption went through. But because of their contesting, it took longer and only went through last year. It also added extra court fees.

Dan and Michelle have since accepted things, though I still won’t leave them alone with Brady in case they try to trash Justin again. Justin is fine with them coming around for Brady and is cordial, but definitely keeps a wall up. He’s not overly friendly like he once was. He’ll smile, hype them up for Brady but that’s it. He says he’s upset with what they put all of us through, especially the emotional toll it put on me.

Dan and Michelle came by Christmas Eve to see Brady. Justin was once again polite but didn’t say much. A few days later, Michelle told me she’s hurt Justin’s stopped making an effort. I told her she can’t expect him to be the same after all they did and said in court. She said they apologized and he accepted it. I said yes but actions have consequences and they need to accept it.

Dan told me that I was insensitive to not take Michelle’s side after all they’ve done. Their daughter (Brady’s aunt) tells me Justin and I are in the right. I don’t know what to think and feel stretched between everyone. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Big-Silver5960 on 2024-01-02 18:33:21+00:00.

My (25M) girlfriend (23f) and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 1.5 years. We have our squabbles but apparently this one has really pushed my girlfriend over the edge.

Last spring, her parents let us know they and their friends were planning a group trip to Aruba and that we would be invited to join them. It’s an all inclusive resort and my girlfriend is super excited because she’s never been to a resort this nice before. I’m indifferent because I grew up in a warm climate, so I don’t understand why people from colder areas have an obsession with booker tropical vacations. What’s wrong with going to Europe?

Anyways, we were told the trip would be in April, so we told them we were in. Before we paid the deposit to lock in our spots, her parents called her to let her know one person in the group couldn’t do April. Apparently, thats an end of the year time for their job and it’s all hands on deck, so they couldn’t get the time off. My GF let me know about the change before confirming with her parents we were still in. We paid our deposit and got locked in.

At the time, I told her it was fine. Here’s where I might be the AH. We were talking about the trip the other night, this is literally all she wants to talk about. I finally brought up to her that I was annoyed about the date change as March is towards the end of ski season, and I like to get in as many runs as I possibly can. Also, it’s spring break time so the resorts are going to be flooded with annoying college kids.

I told her it didn’t make sense to me to change the dates because one person couldn’t go. She explained to me that it wouldn’t have been fair for them to miss the trip because they couldn’t take that time off of work. She then told me I was being selfish because I go skiing almost every weekend and sometimes even during the week, I can afford to miss a few days of skiing.

I personally just don’t think she understands where I’m coming from. She doesn’t ski, so she doesn’t understand my passion for it. I’ve also traveled a lot with my family, so I don’t see the big deal of this trip. So AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RMectrex on 2024-01-02 18:13:37+00:00.

I’m currently at an impasse and I need some help. I’m at uni in my second year and I think I’m in a very toxic friend group that I live with and I think I need out. I’ve watched a member of the group bully an older member of my actual friend group on my degree by making age related comments to her (this person is 45 and is managing uni alongside actual work) this made her have a complex all term and had her visit lecturers to talk about this.

Alongside all this I’ve got the same girl who bullied the person on my degree in a massive sulk because me and another person got made at them for trying to throw a massive party at our house full of strangers while none of us are there to move our possessions into our room.

Then these people mainly one of them has started to become a bit hostile and difficult. Like I drop everything to help this person but when I want help they make loads of excuses and blame anxiety etc so they don’t have to help. then they make it out to seem like I am lucky to have been able to go out of day trips with them and they turn around to tell me that I shouldn’t be asking to go out so much and should find things to do in my room.

We even had a day where 5 strangers came to our door trying to scope the place out to rob us I believe as they have a semi known reputation in the area and someone asked “what did they look like” and I said “Muslim maybe Pakistani but I’m not sure” and the next day the person tells me they were ranting to her bf about how “racist I am” and how she wants to watch me because of it. Meanwhile she is actually going out with a guy who has openly said slurs and homophobic comments (I’m gay) directed straight at people. While additionally I have also witnessed others making similar slurs and then laughing. Meanwhile I’m branded a racist for giving a general description of some people.

It’s just overall made me feel so deflated and made me feel like I’m a terrible person. I get that none of this is much help but I guess I just needed someone to talk to more than anything I suppose.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Buggagirl95 on 2024-01-02 18:31:55+00:00.

So my (28F) birthday was this past weekend. My parents gifted me 2 sets of diamond earrings and a diamond necklace. However I told them to take it back.

A little backstory my parents have been divorced since I was 9/10. Their marriage doesn’t hold very many happy memories for me. As my dad cheated on my mom and then she chose to give him a second chance and he did it again. They also were relationships with other women not just one night stands. After the divorce my dad moved about an hour away with his new girlfriend and I only went there every other weekend. My dad and I have had some hard times over the years but overall he has been a pretty good dad. My mom is basically my go to for everything and one of my best friends.

This past weekend they both wanted to take me out to eat. So to set the scene it is my husband our son and I, my mom, my dad and my dad’s girlfriend (that he has been with for like 18 years). My parents gift me 2 sets of diamond earrings and necklace made out of my mom’s engagement/wedding ring. I was shocked stuck in my tracks almost not even sure what to say. Now they are beautiful and I don’t want to be ungrateful but what it symbolizes aren’t happy memories for me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FreedomIll3477 on 2024-01-02 18:13:04+00:00.

So I'm a guy (24m). I'm bi. Ive always dated women. You could say I have a more of a preference for women in general, I think that's valid to say.

However I am now dating, actually seriously dating a guy (23m). A very feminine guy tbh, but a guy. I wasn't out. I had never told anyone anything about it except for one friend.

The person who threw the party is my oldest friend. Known him since 5th grade. He's a little homophobic, I knew that. Anyway I wasn't going to go. I didn't want to climb that specific hill yet tbh. So I was just going to skip the party.

However my bf was complaining that we werent doing anything for new years. He's been staying with me and he felt cooped up and bored. Told me it hurt his feelings and felt like I was embarrassed of him. Gave me some tough love, told me I was being a wimp and if my friends are really my friends they'll get over it.

I realized he was right so I compromised. I'd take him but just refer to him as my friend. My friends aren't dumb so I figured they'd put 2 and 2 together and we could skip the whole awkward coming out bs.

So I texted my friend, made sure it was okay to bring a +1 and I went over with him.

It was a little awkward. Most of my friends weren't really talking to him which I can understand, he's some new person just out of the blue. One of my friends visiting from California did talk to him and they seemed to get along well.

After the party I got a text from the host. "WTF was that shit?"

I told him he's my bf. I'm dating him, we're in a relationship. And he never said anything back.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Suchcicki152 on 2024-01-02 18:30:35+00:00.

My roommate and I got into an argument about a drill and what it does. It was a stupid argument, but I needed to know what exactly the drill did so I can decide if I want to keep or sell it. We did not agree on what it does, so I decided to call my dad who has 30 years of construction and carpentry experience. My roommate lost it because I “don’t trust him” enough to believe that he knows what he’s talking about. For context, we each have about 2 years construction experience. He says that I should just trust him, but I want to make an informed decision and I don’t believe that I should blindly believe him simply because he said so. He expects that I should just shut up and believe him or else I don’t trust him. I know this is a stupid argument, but he will not let it go. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jobcim on 2024-01-02 18:12:27+00:00.

I work in custom service for a retailer in food and non-food. I do inbound calling, so people call me with the problems of their card or account on the web. A woman calls me and tells me that there are some problems on her husbands card. The reason was that their adress was an old one. I needed to change that but because of privacy, I needed to speak to her husband. She said that he has an illness so he can't talk. I said I understand her and would make an exception. While I am changing her address I hear a man talking in the backround. I asked her if her husband is in the backround because I hear some noise. She was furious and told the whole medical history about him. I appologize and said that I understand her situation and I changed her address. But she was still angry, she had problems with her card. And now she had to call the customer service. And now I am asking this question. She said she is going to send a complain, wished me a good year and good health (specifically). And hung up. So now I am thinking, maybe I shouldn't asked that to her. I wanted to be sure. But maybe the wound is fresh and I didn't thought about it. So what do you think?

tl;dr I was calling with a client who was the spouse of the cartholder of the card. Himself couldn't speak due illness. But after hearing noises in the backround I asked if her husband wasn't there. And she was angry.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Shoddy_Recipe4227 on 2024-01-02 18:30:04+00:00.

Do I own a hot dog cart that I run outside city hall. Over the last couple years I have started giving the homeless people hotdogs and spare change to help me out. They will clean and pick up cigarette butts, pick up trash, keep away the real scary homeless, etc. I even bought a hot dog suit offline and one guy will wear it and wave at cars. I admit that I think its kind of funny to have this Grizzly Adams looking guy wave at traffic in a hotdogs suit. My wife says I am taking advantage but they don't seem to mind. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/in_the_stars_iCU on 2024-01-02 18:08:30+00:00.

Pls read completely So few days ago a good friend of my brother who is also my friend ( we have always had a relationship of arguments but decided to burry it becouse he was coming to stay with us for 4 days). The three of us went to a restaurant to eat, and after we ate, my brother said that he will pay the bill and we can pay him back after we reach home, and I agreed. After we came back I asked my brother how much it was and he said to pay him back at the end of our 4 day trip. Now the same day we also orderd dessert at home which I again thought was paid by my brother which in reality was : paid by his friend which he told him to pay at the end of the trip(It was just $5). The next, my brother and I were having a sparing match in my bedroom where all our stuff was( I know this sound childish and it was, we are twins so that thing never left) and one of us accidentally broke his mousewheel, which was an expensive one : he said not to worry becouse he can fix it when he goes back to his house.

Now, after his stay got over, I noticed that he had completely :messed up my blanket cover and allot of trash was on his side of the bed. It really made me mad becouse now my blanket cover is unusable, and even while he was at our house he showed allot of carelessness to my items, such as keeping the game disk open on top of the ps4 where it can easily be scratched, or that keeping stuff on top of my IPAD etc. Now I told all of these stuff to my other friend who was with us as well, I was basically venting, and don't get me wrong I had told this stuff to him(the friend )as well but all he had to say was "sorry I didn't notice" I wasn't able to scold him about the blanket becouse that I noticed AFTER he left.

Now when he got to know about me telling others how good of a guest he is, he got angry and told me to pay him back, I said what is he talking about then he started to talk to me in a very disrespectful way, he said he doesn't care about the 5 buks, he makes plenty on his own, but how can I talk shit about him, etc. I was really angry at the tone of his voice and the way he asked me for it, he said that I broke his mouse ( which is fixed now, and could also have been damaged by my brother) and he didn't say shit, but here I am spewing shit about him. I told him to ask me respectfully, and he refused becouse it's his money and he can ask for it however way he wants. I told him either ask me nicely or I am not paying back, and he just hung up the call and removed me from our shared streaming service account ( only 10 days are left for renewal so I didn't really loose anything)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Blueberryhigh0 on 2024-01-02 18:27:49+00:00.

So, I am Latina. We do not have very separate races, only in my country we have between 20 to 30 different castes. We do not have "black" hair salons, but rather hair salons for curly hair. Here you can be brunette, black , or white-skinned (but we don't really have someone who is purely "white") and still have 4a or 4b hair. We are all mixed. I have no idea what caste i am, but I'm brunette and have 3C hair, and the last half of 2023 I was in the United States for reasons. But the casual hair salons you find everywhere don't know how to treat my hair? they literally tried to comb it dry? A guy tried to straighten my hair in the front because it didn't sit the way he wanted it to shape? I complained about it and someone asked me why I didn't try a black hair salon, so I did and it worked. My hair was beautiful and shiny with super defined curls and I felt like a princess. The thing is, I was staying at the house of a Latina friend who married a black man. When I mentioned to them that I was going to miss my hairdresser when I got home because she had magic in her hands and my hair had never looked so pretty, he got upset. He said it bothered him how relaxed I was about going to a black hair salon when I'm not black. That the way they treat his hair is part of their culture and I was invading it. I apologized for that and explained that I didn't really understand the cultural divide because I hadn't known anything about it in my country. I asked him to explain the cultural issues behind, He refused, saying that he didn't have to explain his culture to me when I wasn't part of it. I asked him what i was supposed to do with my hair when no other salon knew how to take care of it, He said he didn't know but that it had nothing to do with him. Anyway, I returned to my country and here I continued going to the curly hair salon I always went to. My friend wrote to me a couple of hours ago telling me that they were currently fighting over the argument he and I had regarding my hair. She considered that he was over exaggerating, He thought she was being inconsiderate. I feel guilty about it and I feel like I was an idiot for going to that salon knowing how big a racial divide there is in the United States, But my friend says it's not my fault.

So, Reddit community that will be more objective than my friend about this, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/rabbit-hole-wanderer on 2024-01-02 18:07:52+00:00.

A year and a half ago my (32f) mother (59f) came to my sister (35f) and I and said she wanted to get a divorce. After the announcement of the divorce, my father’s health declined and he is no longer with us.

We had the funeral and one month later my mom announced she was dating someone. My childhood best friends dad (62m.)

A little backstory, when my mom was in her 20s her and this new boyfriend actually were engaged. They spilt, each married their own significant others and each had two children. Both families still actively spent time with each other. That’s how I became best friends with their daughter (31f,) basically since birth. My best friends mom passed away of MS 11 months prior to my dad passing.

I felt so awkward in my mom’s new relationship. My mom was so ready to move on, she attempted to discard my dad’s belongings and moved into the new boyfriends house within 6months of dating. Everyone, even my best friend kept saying it was bound to happen, they used to be engaged, they are both widows, and they both go to the same church. My best friend now spends more time with my mom.

It has now been one year of my dad passing, and one year of my mom’s boyfriend. I will also say he’s a good guy, I have no issues with him. Yesterday my mom called and asked if I minded if she got engaged. They did not want to get married right away but “in the eyes of the church they were tired of sinning.” I told my mom I would like to think about my answer. I’m not ready to do wedding dress shopping, planning, or party like my mom is ready for. My sister and my best friend think I’m being too harsh. Giving me the, at her age it only makes sense. This was destined to happen. My friend keeps making comments about how great her dad.

This past year I’ve lost my dad, lost my grandma, left my job of 6yrs to start another, got pregnant and had a baby. It feels like life is ever changing and it was JUST starting to slow down only to add this.

Am I being TA for not jumping on board? How do I be supportive without shoving my own feelings down? How do I sit through another “my dad is GREAT for your mom” speech? Will the relationship with my best friend who will now be my step sister over as I know it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/heretherevrywhere on 2024-01-02 18:23:56+00:00.

I (34F) have 2 children from my previous relationship (11M, 8F) and one with my husband, who this post is about (3F). My eldest 2 have a white father and my youngest daughter’s dad is Senegalese. I’m responsible for her hair. I have learned about black hair textures and used the internet to research styles, and to educate myself on the unique relationship black women and girls have about their hair.

I feel I do a good job caring for it. She has tighter and thicker curls than I had expected, but I learned about that too. Usually I have it in two space buns or just out. Sometimes I do braids. We had a family New Year’s Eve party. I decided to try something new. I googled to make sure it wouldn’t hurt her to apply heat to her hair. It said it is fine to straighten a 3 year old’s hair once in a while if they can sit through it. My daughter is calm and well behaved so it was fine.

The style I wanted was just for her hair to be out but for it to lay more flatly. I used a heat protectant before blow drying it. She loved how she looked, and I thought she looked so cute. My husband said it was cute as well. During the party, my husband’s sister pulled me aside and said she was upset I straightened our daughter’s hair. She said it could damage her self esteem and make her hate herself. She reminded me that it is a good thing it is steadily becoming easier for black girls to have their natural hair and I shouldn’t undermine it. She wasn’t being unkind but it was hurtful to hear.

The next day I talked about it to my husband who said his mother had called him to complain about her hair as well. He took my side and said she will not be damaged in the longterm to have straight hair once in a while and she felt beautiful that night. I want to believe him but I am struggling not to feel bad. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/biviansiwaruni on 2024-01-02 18:06:47+00:00.

I had a friend group of 3 including myself, we’ll call P and Q. All f18/19 at the time it happened. Long story short, we separated for college, and I had trouble adapting (I’m the only one overseas and adapting to completely new culture). So I confide in them about how hard it is for me. Then P said, (paraphrased) “Your depression is not real.”

I, at the time, left the group chat right away. I felt so hurt that my feelings are invalidated.

Q private chat me after to say I should just forgive P and be the bigger person. So I blocked them both right away.

Thinking back, they probably have their fair share of struggles with college, and dealing with my complaints maybe more than what they could handle at the time.

I told a few other friends about the situation, and they all said that I should be the bigger person and forgive P. That this is not worth fighting over. That I’m just being a petty vengeful person. And only one said I did ‘right’ in cutting them off.

To be transparent, I’ve never been diagnosed clinically with depression. But I exhibits the characteristics including “that” which I know I should seek help with but am too scared to still.

This happened 5 years ago. P recently found my contacts and apologised to me. She said she’s sorry if her words back then hurt me. I replied with “Ok.” and didn’t block her. But today she sent me life insurance webinar explaining the importance of it, and that I should join it on zoom if I have time.

So will I be the asshole if I… just block her again despite her courage to apologise first and reach out to me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CompetitionHuman2067 on 2024-01-02 18:20:52+00:00.

Hello, reddit, all names used here are fake.

Every year for as long as I can remember, a few days before Christmas, my family goes to the local winter fair. This started as a way to celebrate my grandfather's birthday, and although now he is no longer with us it is a tradition we have continued. I have two sisters, my older sister 'Lottie' (35f) and my younger sister 'Olive' (23f). Lottie has a daughter 'Rosey' (4f) from a previous marriage, and her husband has three children (8f, 10m, 12f). While she only married her husband in March, they have been together for a couple of years so her stepchildren have come to family stuff before. While she is a very involved grandmother, my mother has never considered Lottie's stepchildren to be part of the family.

A few days before we were supposed to meet up for the fair, my mother messaged the family group chat to tell us she had booked us a table at a restaurant, but she had not booked enough places for my sister's stepchildren, and had only booked Rosey in to see Santa. Lottie was upset with this and wanted the booking to be changed, but my mother refused. She thought her stepchildren should spend the day with their mother, or Lottie's husband could stay home with them, as this tradition was for family only.

So, my sister decided not to go with my mother. She and her husband decided on a different day to attend the fair with all of their children.

Here is where I may be the asshole. Lottie asked me and Olive to go with her too, to reinforce to my mother that her stepchildren were part of the family and should be included in family activities. While I agree with the sentiment, the date she chose was a day when I already had plans with my girlfriend. Lottie asked me to cancel my plans as this outing was more important, which I disagreed with as my girlfriend was going away with her family for Christmas/New Years so this would be the last time I saw her for three weeks.

I stuck to my plans and spent the day with my girlfriend. Lottie still went with her husband and their children, my mother went with some friends and Olive, and I thought everything was fine.

However, Lottie completely blanked us when we tried to arrange plans for New Year's, and when she did eventually reply she told us she was spending it with the family that 'cared enough to stick up for her'. She is especially angry that I chose my girlfriend 'over my family' and that Olive still went with our mother. I had not expected this to turn into a big issue, she gave me little notice and I do not think I was unreasonable for not wanting to cancel my plans, but I think given my mother's attitude this meant a lot more to her than I initially thought. So, AITA for not cancelling my date to attend my sister's holiday tradition with her and her stepchildren?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Nanilosleep on 2024-01-02 18:01:39+00:00.

Phone format and I am norwigian Me 13m My sister s 18F

Back story I have been in foster care sine April I have jumped from home to home and I have come to a permanent family I am going to be here all my life i am with two lovely pepole. They got a daughter 18f they she doesn't live in the country where I live.(she is very sensitive) She and her boyfriend has been here for two weeks she has been very nice to me so far. Her boyfriend is so nice. I forgot to add that I have been here for a month.

So the real kicker I got a big lego set for Christmas I started to build on it and after dinner she wanted to join. I let her join I wanted to build but she took over everything for 20 minutes. I sat there and did nothing I tried to help and do stuff but she didn't want me to help at all. I said I didn't want to build anymore but my foster mom that I had to do chores if I didn't want to build. I took the lego set out again and she asked me to build I let her for a good 10 minutes but I didn't know how to tell her because so far I have gathered that she is very sensitive. I thought about waiting until my foster dad to come back from walking the dogs but I just to her that I wanted to build alone she ignored me and just build I asked her another time and she left. She is giving me the silent treatment. My foster dad says that it was good that I spoke my mind but my foster mom said to me that if I let her build with me I can't say I don't want her help. Am I the ass hole?

More info. The resson that I am in foster care is because that I was abused mentally and physically.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Every-Cow-5993 on 2024-01-02 18:18:27+00:00.

I(18M) am currently spending winter break at my folks's after my first semester at college. While at college I had gained a considerable amount of weight to my parents' irritation.

In my mom and dad's culture, thinness is a very prized quality, and they often call me fat even when to the average observer's eye there is little to no fat, so when I came back looking noticeably fat they blew up.

They got me a gym membership and told me to start losing weight. The way it works is I would drive to the gym on my own and then they would measure me every week.

I was pretty annoyed at the way my parents overreacted to what is a completely normal thing(I even tried explaining the freshman 25 to them but they didn't understand or get it)

It's now been 3 weeks since break has officially begun, and I have been going to the gym. But the workout they prescribed me involved a lot of high intensity workouts and after the first day where I faithfully stuck to it, I got tired and irritated so I went to the movie theater room of our gym, a room where they show movies in front of 30 stationary bikes/treadmills and I walk at my own pace.

My parents noticed that I'm not meeting their weight loss guidelines, so they started asking me if I was doing the regimen like they told me too. I said yes at first but then they put on pressure and eventually I confessed that I've just been walking while watching movies.

Now they are calling me a thief and demanding that I pay them back my college fees(I got scholarships for tuition but they had to cover room and board) that they payed for me and that I pay them back for the food I ate while on break as well as the gym fees, and I'm feeling bad that I didn't try as hard at the gym as they wanted me too.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/strawbrrysundae on 2024-01-02 18:00:58+00:00.

so I (f22) live with my mom, her newlywed husband, my sister (26) my brother (27) and my sister in law (31).

We all live in a small apartment, some of us sleeping on beds or on couches. I work night shifts, my sister, my mom, & my SIL works day jobs, my brother is broke & unemployed, & my mom’s husband moved in with us from a different country recently. They got married sometime early last year (2023), so he doesn’t have a job yet because he’s trying to get his papers and stuff. But he does plan on getting a job.

During the day it’s just me, mom’s husband, and my brother. Sometimes my mom’s husband goes out though. I think he just wants to get to know the city since he recently moved here from another country. Sometimes during the morning I’m tired and would like to get some rest but I have to bathe and feed my nephew and keep an eye on him because moms husband doesn’t know my nephew well enough to take care of him (& idk if he has children of his own or knows how to take care of a baby or know how comfortable he is doing that). My brother (who is my nephews step dad bc the real dad has never been in the photo, but my brother has since my nephew was 1) sleeps all night and all day bc he’s unemployed. So without me, the baby would be hungry and sitting in a poopy diaper.

In two weeks I will be moving to a new state. I’ll also be going to school there in the fall, but I’m afraid that when I’m gone, mom’s husband or my deadbeat brother won’t bathe & feed the baby & he’ll be neglected. I 100% don’t want to call anything like cps or acs on him because I don’t know what they’ll do or where they’ll take him & im afraid I won’t see him again, but I’m also afraid of him being neglected after I leave since I’m the one who takes care of him after work until someone else comes back from work in the evening.

Now I wouldn’t do it without my nephews mother being informed. I do plan on having this conversation with her and telling her my concerns about him after I leave and see what she thinks (but I also know she might be against it which is understandable). But as much as we love this child, I don’t think he could have a better life living here. AITA for thinking about calling acs or cps on my nephew?

also any advice on what else I can do to ensure the baby isn’t being neglected after I leave would also be helpful.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ImpracticalInversion on 2024-01-02 18:18:11+00:00.

More like are WE the assholes...

I'm a 28F that is part of a psychological/parapsychological study, for my university. it;s a private study and so can only share minimum details. Basically this study revolves around the "tiered interpersonal relations" between mothers and their natural born children. Rules are simple: must be 18 or older, be available between 12pm -4pm for various sessions, preferably children 2 or under, must be local, open to potentially invasive medical physicals, open to various philosophical ideologies, and children must be natural born.

The overseers offered a handsome sum for participation too, drawing in quite a few. one of the applicants did NOT like the stuff about the physical, but wanted to participate. I bluntly let her know this is for scientific research, and it's expected. she then revealed being a transwoman and I tried as politely as possible to inform her she didn't qualify.

she was furious and said "I knew this would happen". She went on to accuse me of being a transphobe and that our whole operation was tr****hobic, prejudice and deliberately excluded transpeople of such research.

I informed her, the study has nothing against transpeople, but the individuals involved must be mothers with natural born children. She scoffed saying "my babies ARE natural to me, we have a connection that most natural mothers don't have with theirs". And then I said "the study delves into bonds based on psychology, genetics, and other things that adoptive parents simply don't have." She called me a sexist bitch and I then got MAD. I argued that if a transman asked to participate that he could, so long he did naturally gave birth, as he would physically be able to, therefore is qualified. emphasizing that this is science and biology, and her feelings as an adoptive mother does not qualify for BIOLOGICAL study.

she scoffed and called me a tr****hobe and a s#xist towards transwomen, and threatened to report me. my instructor told me I was fine and nothing would come of this. It has me wondering though if studies like these could be tr****hobic or not. I mean... I was told transmen are allowed so long they naturally gave birth, so I don't think we're the assholes, but I'm still wondering...