Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/onthewayin10 on 2024-01-02 06:21:24+00:00.

My best friend since childhood is going through a really rough breakup and I’ve been there for her through the whole thing.

However…. This happened over 6 months ago and I get it’s hard for her but I’m getting texts from her all day, everyday since then… she will call me and the call will last for 2 hours… if we meet up she will talk of nothing else but her ex, for hours on end.. we went on holiday for a week and the entire 7 days was spent talking about situations and what ifs with her ex…. It was the only foreign holiday I got to go on last year and this ruined it for me…

I can’t cope with much more of it, it’s draining and I’ve gotten to a stage now where I am turning my phone off every evening after work so I don’t have to talk to her…

She is my best friend in the world and has been there for me through a lot but how do I approach this without sounding awful? I don’t want to upset her but I have my own shit going on, I can’t deal with listening to this every day of the week also.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/yourmomifier on 2024-01-02 06:00:49+00:00.

My mom (41) is a stay at home due to medical conditions. She often gets overwhelmed by her surroundings yet she is constantly remodeling and refurnishing things. I don’t typically mind this I just like to know what she’s doing. I (16) have a lot of anxiety when she does these projects: they’re loud, lots of change, and she doesn’t have free time when I need her. Some of the things she’s done has been helpful, however some of it is completely useless. I try to keep an open mind about it in case it turns out to be awesome or helpful. However, due to my anxiety and discomfort around change, I like for her to let me know ahead of time so I can prepare myself. She recently put a table in the middle of our kitchen, for context she wanted to see how it worked as an island however our kitchen is small and doesn’t really work. It’s right in the middle and is a minor inconvenience but enough of one to bother me. I had already walked downstairs the day before to her moving the furniture around in the living room which was a little bit of a shocker for me. I asked her why just curious as to why she was moving it because I thought it looked fine beforehand. She said it’s been in the same position for a year and she wants to change it around. Fine by me, just again would’ve liked if she gave me a heads up. I was unloading the dishwasher and I told her the table had to move and that it’s not going to work. She told me to move it aside so I did. Moved it back and she said that she needs to confirm for herself that it won’t work there. I don’t see why it would ever work however. It’s in the way, it’s bulky, our kitchen is small, it’s just not a good fit. She got upset and started saying we always question her about her projects and ask why. I asked why she can’t let me know about them beforehand and that I don’t mind them, but I like to know. She continued to go on and get worked up about it and when I asked her why she was getting worked up about it, she continued to say “because I’m tired of being fucking questioned all the time, I’m 41 years old I shouldn’t have to ask” By then I was done with the conversation and headed upstairs saying goodnight because it’s almost 1am and I don’t have the energy to argue. This isn’t a rare occasion, we bicker a lot over stupid things and I’m wondering if this is one of those things.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AquamarineCreek on 2024-01-02 09:54:59+00:00.

Not in the US

I (24f) currently room with my stepsister Wendy (25f). My dad married her mom. My dad inherited this apartment years ago and let us live there rent free when I got into the same university Wendy did. Wendy and I get along well though we work in different fields and have our own groups of friends.

I have an aunt on my mom’s side, Anna (31f). Anna’s mom, my mom’s former stepmother, used to date Wendy’s dad until he moved to another city. Anna has an extremely wealthy older husband (46m). She met him in high school when she babysat his niece. They dated when Anna graduated from college. They’re now married with a son (3m) and Anna a SAHM since his birth.

Anna lives a luxurious life and shares a lot on social media. I and Wendy are friends with her on several platforms but Wendy is jealous, there’s no other word. She often talks about Anna and her husband age gap. She said it was creepy and there was no way she would date someone so much older.

I always tried to get Wendy to stop but she would just bring the topic back again and again.

This Christmas our parents went abroad so I went to spend Christmas at my mom's side. My mom passed several years ago but it was nice to see the family. Wendy was set to spend Christmas with her friends but the host was busy last minute, so I invited Wendy to spend Christmas with me.

The day before Wendy and I headed back home, Anna and her family joined us. Anna’s husband broke his ankle so he pretty much sat in a chair and just chatted with anyone who came to talk with him. Anna spent a good deal of time making sure he had food and drinks (meal was buffet style) and checked on him like every 10 minutes.

Wendy of course noticed this and kept whispering to me about how this was just a taste of Anna’s future, having to wait hand and foot on her much older husband in his old age. Wendy said she wouldn’t wish Anna’s fate on her worst enemy. She said her husband has a devoted wife since he groomed her so well.

I have had enough. Wendy was acting like the biggest Grinch with all her joy sucking gossips. So I purposefully raised my voice “Wendy, what do you mean grooming?! Just because they’re 15 years apart doesn’t mean there’s grooming involved!”

Everyone around us went quiet. Anna and her husband stared at us, knowing full well it involved them, but they didn’t say anything.

Wendy was so embarrassed she excused herself and left the party. In the morning when we left, Wendy only said good bye to my grandma before heading out.

Wendy was angry and said I embarrassed her and drove her to her room without even getting dinner. She said I could have told her in private like I have always done and not shame her in public. She said it was normal for people to talk like this about every woman marrying a much older, richer man and Anna should know people say things like this behind her backs no matter what. I was just tired of her jealousy and hoped this would shut her up. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/loony_tunes_ on 2024-01-02 09:50:35+00:00.

Hi, I 22F and my friend 23f, lets call her sofi met in college. We rented a studio apartment post college in march 2021 in the city she had her internship in, while i worked virtually.

Now coming to the big fight. Covid lockdown came again and she went home since her office got closed while i stayed since i didnt have any other option. We both were still on the lease since she would come back in 2months. I spent 1 month alone there and then next month 1st week i got a call that my older brother was severely sick and since he lived alone i had to go there.

I told my sofi about this and since i was not here and neither she had any plans to comeback anytime soon i said to break the lease. I was an intern and didnt have enough cash to keep paying the rent.

In our city if we dont give notice one month before we lose our security deposit. Since i couldnt really stay and even after talking to the landlord and explaining my situation he didnt budge . I told my friend she has till end on month to pick up her stuff and i was leaving the next morning.

Now the whole time i was in a panic mode since i had to reach my brother asap anyway. I called her to convey the whole situation and the only thing she did was shout at me at losing her half of security. Sofi straight up told me she wants her security money back no matter what.

I simply gave her the money from my savings and told her to never talk to me again. And she didnt. The last we talked was in june 2021.

Throughout last year many of our friends have asked me to talk to her and make up since this was making a divide in our group.

I simply avoided sofi and any convo related to her.

Now coming to yest we had one of those group calls yesterday and since she wasnt there, i joined, there were 3 of us and we were chatting. When she joined and since it was a video call, well i froze for a sec put my phone down so she cant see me anymore and end call. Well i saw later she left the group. And now i dont know what to do. Even tho i dont wanna be friends with her, i dont want her to lose others. Considering being in group is what keeps us all intouch mostly.

Well aita for this?

We both live in same city, she personally never reached out to me but others have mentioned she asks about me. I dont hate her or anything just hate what she did to me. She is not a bad person either so dont hate on her. I do want her to be happy and definitely dont wanna be the reason for her to lose good friends.

I texted her hey this morning, dont have guts to check for her response 🤷‍♀️

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/please_i_dont_know on 2024-01-02 09:34:03+00:00.

I (19F) reported my coworker (52F) to our company’s HR for sexual harassment. We work in assisted living, and during our dinner service we were all congregated in the kitchen waiting for our cook to serve out the food. I’m a generally happy person at work, so I was listening to music and dancing. My coworker asked me why I was dancing. I had responded with “It makes me and everyone else happy!” She then told me to turn around in what I believed to be her pretending to be kicking my butt. I told her no because it made me incredibly uncomfortable. She kept demanding that I turn around. After repeated attempts to get her to stop, I just gave in because I wanted to remove myself from the hostile environment I was put in. In reality she caressed my behind with her foot for WAY too long. I then walked out of the kitchen and left the serving to the two Dining Room Assistants. Coworkers who were there or knew of the situation are split in whether or not I should have reported my coworker. The DRA’s (17m) that were in the kitchen with me are on my side and have already given their statements to HR, but my older colleagues believe that it wasn’t worth reporting her. I’ll put a copy of the email, minus names in the comments. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WittyMosquito on 2024-01-02 05:56:06+00:00.

As a birthday present, my partner bought me an adjustable desk. The desk is set up in my office with a monitor, mouse and keyboard - serving as a secondary desk to my primary sit-down desk. I use the adjustable desk with my treadmill while I’m completing mundane, repetitive work or personal tasks on my PC that don’t require my complete attention (this is my primary source of cardio on my working days, and was an idea from my partner).

Admittedly, I have not been using the treadmill every day as it’s somewhat dependent upon what project I’m working on (there are some tasks that I simply cannot do while walking at the same time, haha). However, I’ve used it regularly and plan to use it even more often because of a change in my work/schedule this year.

My partner wants to take the desk to use for their work. They work 6 hours per day and have said the desk will allow them to be more comfortable because of the ability to adjust the height on the fly. They feel that because they will use the desk more often, I should let them take it.

I’m having a hard time giving up the desk because it was a birthday gift. And, although I haven’t used it daily, I use it regularly and it will soon become an integral part of getting my cardio during the work day on a more consistent basis.

When the desk was purchased about a year ago, I was the breadwinner, and my partner was self-employed. Now, my partner and I are both self-employed and my partner is currently our more consistent source of income.

I have suggested purchasing another desk. As the need for this desk seems immediate, my partner would need to make this purchase. Otherwise, I’d be able to make the purchase for my partner whenever I have that opportunity.

My partner is offended that I do not want to let them take the desk. They are also offended that I have suggested they purchase another desk, or continue working with their current setup until I can purchase another desk.

I am offended that my partner wants to take the desk they gave me as a birthday gift.

Would I be the asshole if I choose to keep the desk in my office and not let my partner take it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ActiveAway8943 on 2024-01-02 09:34:02+00:00.

I (F18) came to school with all of my friend’s gifts to give it to them the last day before Christmas break.It was about twenty minutes after school ended and I call my friend (F17) to ask her where she is.She had an attitude, asking me what she wanted and that was driving home.I yelled “what?!”in an obviously shocked and not mad way and she knew that.

I was taken aback by that and simply told her I wanted to give her a present,nicely. She said she forgot mine and assumed I had done the same so she left.She continued her attitude and gave me a half assed “sorry” and hung up.This left a sour taste in my mouth.

I got home and texted her about how I did not like her attitude at all in the nicest way possible.Not only did she double down and insist that she didn’t do anything wrong but she called me a bitch and insisted that I was “bitching”, escalating the situation.My attempts at a resolution were ignored as i was left on read again and again and again. Essentially talking to a wall,and she only does this when she doesn’t deem a situation worth it. Basically she’s right and not dealing with your bs.Which only served to make me even more livid.At this point I was beyond incensed.By then,I had already wrapped her present since I thought I would be giving it to her but I just went straight to my room,and handed it to my sister.I took a video of her unwrapping and wearing it and sent it to my friend who was there when I yelled what and explained the situation to her,she was in full support.

Then she texted me on imsg because I refused to talk to her on snap.This made it entirely worse, she called me“delusional”that I had a“victim complex” that it was all“made up” and that she wasn’t apologizing for her disrespect because in her mind she was nothing but nice and patient with me.If I was having doubts about giving it to my sister then I had none now. We had planned an outing and said we would exchange gifts then.The og gift was extremely personal and thoughtful as well.It was a graphic tee of a singer she knew well and my friend sung beautifully too,my note to her said “from one extremely talented singer to another <3”.I got her a stinky ass small perfume and scented lotion instead because,to translate a popular saying in my language,ill-mannered people don’t get nice things.Not technically revenge tho bc she doesn’t know and isn’t hurt or anything,just a little inside joke between me and my other friend to make her look silly and humble her.

Now that all is said and done I’m afraid I was too emotional and let my feelings get the better of me. I know it was a silly thing to do over a disagreement,but her self righteous attitude upset me and she can be a mean ass bitch sometimes y’all.Like the time i trusted her with extremely sensitive and personal info that I would only trust her with and told her not to tell one specific person and guess who she literally went and told?Yeah.Then guess who she blamed for what she did?Yeah.but anyways yeah! AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/InsectMiserable08 on 2024-01-02 05:53:37+00:00.

My boyfriend of 6 years lives 20 kilometres away from me. We used to meet every other evening after work.. reduced to once a week on weekends when he got “busy with work”. I’ve been missing him and want to meet with him at least once a week, and expressed my expectations to him in a long heartfelt conversation. He seemed like he understood and agreed. The very next day was a weekend and I expected him to meet me, while he went drinking with his friends instead. I got super hurt and super mad but i still conveyed my feelings with simple words and not passive aggressively. I hoped he’d talk to me and make it up to me afterwards, however he didn’t care enough to even talk. I stopped talking to him next morning because that was all left to do to express how sad i felt, still hoping he would come around and make it better. It’s been almost two weeks now, with nothing but a good morning text each day and no conversation at all. I’m dying inside wondering what i did wrong that he didn’t even care to get me to talk? How is he not feeling what I’m feeling? How is he so okay with no talking and no seeing each other for three whole weeks? What in the world do i do?

Edit: These two weeks of no communication include Christmas and New Years. And next week is my birthday.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ElectronicEssay3217 on 2024-01-02 09:25:20+00:00.

Me (20F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been together for 7 months. During the start of the relationship he got into an argument with another man defending me. Anyways my boyfriend smokes Mary Jane and he needs it as it helps him function. He was out of his stuff and was becoming rather angry and because he was out he was finding it difficult to eat. As the night went on, we both got into fights because of his sour mood. It got to a point where he asked me to knock on the neighbours door to ask if they seld Mary Jane. I said I wasn't comfortable with it, because in the past the neighbour and Us have gotten in verble fight, they also have yelled out rude comments at me from the window. He called me a pussy, and I said I wasn't a pussy, I just wasn't comfortable. The fight escalated from there, and he threanted to leave and break up with me because he felt if I didn't wanna knock on the neighbours door I didn't love him as much as he loved me because he got into an argument with another man for me. Anyways long story short, AITA for not wanting to knock on the neighbours door?

Edit: We live together and I pay for everything in the house including his Mary Jane and during the argument I also brought up the fact that he should do it himself but he said since he wasn't feeling well and was also scared of the neighbours I should go since I was feeling fine

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/adalxrr on 2024-01-02 09:19:10+00:00.

hey first time poster so be kind, so i, 16F, used to work at a grocery store. i worked there for a year, aged 14-15. it was my very first job and i didn't know what to expect. i liked it for a bit but you know, it's retail and retail employees aren't treated like human beings, so! aside from shitty store managers, the only down side of working there was the creepy men. there were creeps that i worked with and customers. those i worked with would change their tasks so they could work with me ( i know this because i checked our bulletin board hourly and they were never assigned to tasks at the same hour as i was ) for instance, i would be out on carts bringing them in and one of them would come out to "help me" but really they would just put their hands on me to help me push the carts up the hill. i dont know if this is normal or not. and then there were creepy customers. old men, or more likely middle aged men would ask me for my phone number and say shit like "but age is just a number" like fuck no age is not just a number and i could be wrong but also FUCKING ILLEGAL?! one time i just tried to make small talk about whatever this one guy was buying while bagging his groceries (praying for a fucking tip because the shit i had to endure) and i was like "oh yeah i see a lot of people buying this yoghurt, is it good?" and i shit you not this wrinkly ass man said "well i can buy you some after your shift to try if you want" and FUCKING WINKED AT ME LIKE WHAT. some days i would wait to walk out to my dads car or have him come inside to walk me out because of how many men just stood outside watching me when i worked or how many white vans were parked there all the time. now i know i am not the asshole for everything else, but here is why i may be.

now, my mom was worried, obviously but not as much as she probably should've been. i was making money, so she kinda saw it as transactional. i talked to her for months about quitting because i would come home sobbing because i felt so, i don't know how to put it, like disgusting i guess. like this old men were seeing me as "an opportunity" and that made me sick, my boyfriend at the time had told me "well, doesn't it make you feel good to have the attraction of older men, like to know you're worth something in their eyes?" and that fucking destroyed me because i trusted him. anyway, i talked to her about quitting for months and everytime i told her i might, she told me no, like i was asking for a new toy not fearing for my safety. so after about 3 months of this, i straight up wrote out my 2 weeks, filled out all of my online forms and finally told her when i got my final schedule. she was furious, but that was last year and i am happier than ever in my own body and i don't feel the need to wear cloths 3x my size to hide my body in public anymore, so reddit, AITA for quitting without telling my mom first?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/jimme_gato1 on 2024-01-02 05:48:32+00:00.

For context my siblings are nearly 2 decades older than me so their children (my neices/nephews) are my age.

TLDR: My dad told my sister he was visiting me for NYE so she invited herself, her mom and step-dad, her grandkids, and my niece then didn't show up after I spent all this money on extra food. They regularly ask me for favors for their kids/grandkids but clearly I wasn't important enough to get a heads up text. Let them know I was disappointed they did not inform me they wouldn't be attending as we were waiting on them. Sister responds and makes a thinly veiled threat because she says I disrespected her.

So I live 2 hours away from my dad and he wanted to hang out for NYE. A few days ago my sister texts me that she heard our dad was visiting and she wanted to come hang out since she has never had the chance to do anything for NYE. In that conversation she invites her mom , step dad, my niece and her 2 grandkids (1 belongs to my neice) They all live in the same town I do only 15 mins away. I hadn't really budgeted for extra people. I only originally expected 7 (including my boyfriend and his family) but I decided to make it work. So we went to lots of different stores to add to the entrees and appetizers including buying regular soda. (This is important because we only drink zero or diet and my dad doesnt consume soda) I confirmed with them twice earlier yesterday and then even set up the party outdoors with patio heaters and our fireplace table since my sister is allergic to cats. This included deep cleaning , making sure everyone's clothes never came in contact with our cats, and using lint rollers on everything to eliminate any chance of cat hair. My dad arrived on time. A little after 10 I text my niece and sister that I turned on the smart lights so they can fnd my house since I live in a rural area. Niece never answers me. My sister only texts me that she had a drink ( 30 mins later). They also regularly ask me for favors for their kids/grandkids or ask for my help with finding a new job or making resumes and expect immediate answers. My sister responded later today and made a thinly veiled threat as she took offense to me expressing that I was disappointed they could not inform me they weren't coming. AITA for expressing my feelings as party host?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sleepymarshmallows on 2024-01-02 09:18:21+00:00.

I (42F) attended my son’s (25M) wedding with his now wife Jane (24F) 2 weeks ago. Jane is very different to our family and grew up in a less privileged household. Her family also doesn’t celebrate Christmas as part of her religion. Christmas is a pretty big event at my house and we host a big Christmas party every year. I didn’t invite her over for Christmas as she doesn’t celebrate and I didn’t have a gift and stocking prepared for her either. My son is extremely upset for not inviting her although she doesn’t celebrate Christmas but I thought it might’ve been rude to invite her. However on Christmas Day, my son showed up with Jane at my house. I was quite shocked at her presence because my son didn’t let me know and I didn’t know she was coming. My son and I ended up having a heated argument and he told me that I should’ve invited her out of respect for their marriage. But they got married 2 weeks ago and I planned my guest list for Christmas before Thanksgiving. Also, I’ve been unsure whether to invite her as her family doesn’t celebrate Western Christmas traditions. He should have told me before.

EDIT: Jane was my son’s mistress whom he left his last 6 year relationship for and the wedding plans were meant to be with the ex. I wasn’t that close with Jane because of my close relationship with my son’s ex. I didn’t want to include this earlier for my son’s privacy

I have noticed a lot of hate comments under this post, but these really hurt my feelings. Please be a little bit kinder.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/finelytunedpubes on 2024-01-02 05:46:04+00:00.

My partner (24f) and I (24m) have been together for 3 years. But she broke up with me in October. The main issue came about because months prior I had brought up an issue I had with her. I basically told her she needed to work on how she expresses frustration because she would basically break down all day over small issues and it was exhausting for me. She mentioned it made her feel like she couldn’t express herself and that she was always worried I’d break up with her after that.

I do feel bad for telling her that now and in retrospect it was very unfair of me. But after she broke up with me we met up and I apologized. After meeting up and talking ALOT we kissed and we agreed to turn the breakup into a “break” and decided to keep in contact and even hang out on occasion but after a couple weeks of talking again on this break I feel as though I may have pushed boundaries by continually wanting to see her and asking her to go places and do things. When she made it clear that she wanted to wait until after the holidays to reconnect our relationship.

She said she liked me being more assertive so instead of asking if she was comfortable with things like me picking her up I just assumed she’d be okay with it. So I pushed for us to go get dinner she agreed and I told her what time and what she should wear, but when something much more important came up on the day of the dinner date she said we needed to reschedule so I asked her what days she had free, she told me she was booked for the week so I tried to schedule breakfast with her but she told me that morning she was looking forward to having to herself, I told her I understood and asked what other days she had free then and followed it by saying I really missed her.

She then went off on me over text telling me Ive been very “I focused” talking more about how I feel about all this, and about what I want, rather than how she feels and what would make her comfy. She then said we shouldn’t hang out again until after the holidays in January. Now today is January first and she won’t respond to my text and has removed pictures of me from Instagram (but she also posted a new years collage, which includes a few pictures of me and screenshots of cute texts I’ve sent her through the year).

What I want to know is AITA for pushing boundaries that I thought she was giving me the green light to push?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/justarandomTXhuman on 2024-01-02 05:17:29+00:00.

I(27f) told my mom(62f) that I think I want to live alone now she said I’m being a bad daughter and that I should let her live out the rest of her life with me.

My mom was a single mom and did An amazing job I have zero childhood trauma. I never struggled in life thanks to her. I didn’t like my school?shed move to a different zip code so I could go where I wanted. I was really depressed? I never got in trouble for being a bad teen. I have zero negative comments about her she’s amazing. When I became an adult she started to struggle financially so I started helping out with bills. We’re at a point where I pay 60% she pays 40% of rent and I pay everything else. She can’t really afford to live on her own we’re kinda like bestfriend roommates. but I feel I should have the opportunity to finally be an independent adult and live on my own. My mom has heart issues so her response is “I won’t be here much longer”. So AMTA for wanting to live alone?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hour-Maintenance-820 on 2024-01-02 05:10:34+00:00.

I need a reference as a part of my passport application, so I thought I'd ask one of my friends whom I used to go school together. We catch up over discord once every few months so it's not like we are total strangers since we left school.

He seems reluctant at first but he gave me his address and confirmed his mobile number. Then he needs to confirm his identity in one of two ways: via electoral roll or his passport.

So I asked if he is enrolled in the electoral roll and he said he has never been enrolled. Then I asked him to give me his passport details and he said "I don't even know where my passport is LOL", I asked him if he's gonna find it and he replies "I'm ceebs atm, I'm sure it will come up when I need it".

I was too pissed off to call him out on his b/s so I left him on read. When I checked his name it turns out he is enrolled in the electoral form.

He might not feel comfortable giving a reference for someone he hasn't physically met in years, but then again if he truly feels that I am a dodgy person then he shouldn't continue to keep in touch with me all these years.

I am thinking of going no contact with him for this, as he should have been upfront if he didn't want to do it in the first place instead of giving stupid excuses that would piss off anyone in my shoes.

WIBTA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Practical_Magik_88 on 2024-01-02 09:13:34+00:00.

My husband shares a daughter with his crazy and controlling ex-wife. Daughter is 17 years old and they split custody 50/50, one week on & one week off plus child support.

About three months ago when daughter was dropped off at our house for the week the ex wife texted my husband saying “by the way I’m having a remodel done at my condo and you’ll need to watch Amy for another week” literally less than five minutes after dropping her off. We were royally pissed. We asked numerous times why there was no heads up on this etc. and why we need to keep her an extra week. We got only vague responses and apparently she has a place for them both to stay they would just have to share a bed and it’s an inconvenience for them.

Well it turns out the remodel was postponed and didn’t happen at that time so no big deal. We were very explicit that we need at least two weeks notice when the remodel does occur so we can plan accordingly.

Flash forward to this week & daughter is staying with us an casually mentioned she is staying with us an extra week or so because of the remodeling…we reach out to her mom and get back a vague response saying that she doesn’t know when it’s happening. We keep pressing and finally get told the remodel is happening tomorrow and she will have to stay with us for three weeks or more.

I find this to be infuriating because the woman is so oblivious to anyone else around her. My husband is just a go-with-the-flow, don’t cause waves kind of guy and I’m not that way at all. I think we should meet in the middle and say that we can keep her an extra week but no more than that. So am I the asshole here? I feel guilty because I love my step daughter and she is always welcome here but I feel as though her mom is doing this out of spite.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/maurice2828 on 2024-01-02 09:12:50+00:00.

I'm late 30s, have a brother who is five years older and have parents in their 70s. In the last few years, my parents have discovered family in the Netherlands (we're in the UK, the family is British too but moved abroad) and have been over a few times to visit. The relationship is a little distant, it's like my mum's second cousin.

Both parents are struggling a bit with health and mobility so they feel this year might be the last time they get to visit, with the flying and travelling. As a result, they are keen for me and my brother to go with them. My brother already went with them last year briefly, so met this family, but I couldn't go.

Thing is, this year my wife and I both have big birthdays coming up and have planned trips for each other. With that, a summer holiday and childcare commitments (our kids are 10 and 7) I already don't have enough days holiday from work to do everything I need/want to do this year. If I go for a weekend, it'll cost like £500 for less than 36 hours in the place.

My brother is likely going to go again so when I explain the above, my parents feel like I'm being awkward. They feel this is the last chance we'll get to go and see these other family members altogether and that I'm priorising my own things over the wider family.

I said I'd rather spend the money doing something with our immediate family closer to home, if being together is the main issue. Also said I'd happily meet the family members who are in the Netherlands if they ever decide to come to the UK. Not sure how likely that is though.

The other thing is, I don't really feel a connection to this newly discovered family, so I feel like my priority should be my wife and kids.

AITA for not going?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/biteslip123 on 2024-01-02 09:10:12+00:00.

Okay I don’t even know where to start with this whole thing. I’m using fake names even though I don’t think my family use reddit. Sorry for formatting, I’m doing this on my phone. So I, 18F, live with my mum and my mum’s partner (Edna). My brother (Winston, 24) used to live with us but moved out when he had a baby with his girlfriend. I moved into the bigger room when he moved out. He knew when he moved out that if he moved back, he’d have the smaller room. Winston now wants to leave his girlfriend and move back in, but the baby’s cot is too big for the small room.

Tonight I was sat downstairs with my mum, Edna, Winston, my twin (Emma) and Winston’s girlfriend. He asked if I would consider moving back to the small room so he could fit the cot into the bigger room. He said he’d pay more board to our mum and reimburse me for any of the things I couldn’t fit in the small room. Now the only reason this may be a problem is since moving in May, I’ve bought so much more stuff. My mum offered to pay for shelving but it would honestly be such a struggle to fit everything I have in that room. It would be a double bed, shelves, desk and chair.

When I say this room is small, I mean it. There is a double bed, small drawers and a desk and it’s such a tight fit as is. My room is what I view as my sanctuary. I sleep there, I spend a lot of time there because it’s the only space away from my family and the invasive dogs. Emma said that if I refuse the deal, I’d be directly impacting the life of my nephew and Winston.

Here’s where I might be the a-hole. I don’t think that I should have to move out of my room. I genuinely have so much stuff in here now and I think I would have to sell so much of my stuff just to fit in that room. I want to cry. It’s a lose-lose situation and I’ll feel crap with either decision. WIBTA if I didn’t want to move to the smaller bedroom?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sure-Glove1269 on 2024-01-02 09:05:12+00:00.

We went on a couple's trip with my boyfriend and I, and another couple friend of his. Let's call his friend James. Before this trip, I have already noticed James dropping some subtle jokes here and there about the inferiority of women, example, we played a board game once where he insisted it had to be males vs. females, and when they beat us in one round (we won the other rounds), he made a comment like, "It is like taking candy from a baby!" Stuff like that.

Anyway, fast forward to this trip. Started off well, but again noticed he would make such comments at least once a day. We played charades where he again asked to do it males vs. females, and when they won, he mentioned a few hours later, "The highlight was getting to beat women." Another time, my boyfriend and I were pretending to play fight (our thing), and my boyfriend then said "I'd be a real piece of shit if this was for real." And then James chimes in, "As far as I am concerned you are the piece of shit for not following through with it for real. Ha ha." All smiles and jokey. But really?

I was mainly upset at my boyfriend for reacting passively and sometimes laughing along politely as well, so I finally told him to tell James this is not OK and it makes me uncomfortable. James then texted me a civil apology along the lines of "I am sorry you got offended but I want to clear the air." Privately though, my boyfriend showed me their text conversation where James said things like "Dude I am not OK apologising over a few jokes. That's not cool man. Why do women do that man? But anyway my girlfriend is no better with drama." BLOOD BOILED as soon as I saw that. I then texted back an extremely direct reply to him saying his apology is insincere and if he doesn't understand how annoying his comments are for any self-respecting woman to listen to on the daily, I have nothing to say to him and I will never see him again.

Also keep in mind, a few days prior, he had a massive fight with his girlfriend where she packed her bags and was ready to leave the holiday. I had to track her down, and console her woman-to-woman, try to explain his point of view and get her to return. It makes me even angrier James has not an ounce of empathy for him making me feel uncomfortable, who has been nothing but nice to him thus far, and even helped with his argument. Is it so hard to say "I didn't mean to offend, but I get it and will not make these comments in front of her anymore. And will apologise even though I didn't mean it that way."

AITA for ruining the holiday dynamic and cutting James out of my life over a few jokes like these?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/pob1341 on 2024-01-02 09:04:45+00:00.

I was dog sitting for someone and my bf came along on one of the dog's walks. Bf doesn't have the most experience with dogs but I spend a lot of time with dogs and he has met and spent time with a fair few of them with me. The dog in question here is a lab so fairly big/strong. The one thing this dog loves more than anything is fetch/chasing balls, so we'd had him at the beach throwing the ball for him and when it was time to leave he didn't want to let go of the ball so I just put his leash on and let him carry the ball home in his mouth, which he's done countless times before.

As we were walking back, we came across some food somebody had dropped on the ground and the dog dropped the ball to try and eat the food. I was trying to drag him away but it was a struggle as he was fixated on the food. Finally I got his attention and encouraged him away from the food but just as he left the food my bf called his name to get his attention and then kicked his ball up the path infront of us. The dog obviously bolted after it but he was on the leash and I wasn't expecting it so didn't have my feet planted and he almost pulled me off my feet. Luckily I reacted quickly and managed to plant my feet and pull the leash back, but the material of the leash did slip through my hand and leave painful burns on my palm (I did have the handle of the leash wrapped round my wrist so thankfully there was no chance of me dropping it and the dog getting away).

I was furious and asked bf what the hell he did that for. He said he was just trying to get the dog away from the food. I told him that was clearly not the way to do it as it would obviously end badly and could've ended so much worse than it did. He's lucky I reacted quickly and had the leash wrapped round my wrist or I could've been pulled over or have the leash slip out of my hand and the dog get away. I know he's not experienced but I couldn't believe he couldnt see how that could end super badly, and I told him so. He was just shrugging his shoulders and that angered me even more. No apologies for causing me injury, no acknowledgement of how dangerous or careless it was, no "ok I won't do it again", no nothing. I asked him what he'd have done if the dog pulled me over and I cracked my head on the pavement and became seriously injured/died. He just shrugged again and said "but you didn't tho"

We didn't speak for the rest of the day and now I'm wondering if I was too harsh on him bc I know he doesn't have a lot of experience with dogs. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Spare-Confidence-191 on 2024-01-02 09:02:48+00:00.

I'm 22F, and my best friend since primary school, 21F, came out as a lesbian 4 years ago. 7 months ago, we met two guys at a techno rave, and they've become very close friends of ours. Lets call one of them Max, 25M.

My BFF lives 6h away and visits every few months. However, she's consistently late and slow to respond to texts due to being a habitual stoner. I regularly bring it up and she feels bad and blaims it on her being unorganised. Apologising is not enough however as she continues being late. Lately, she's developed a very close relationship with Max. They act like a couple almost, but that is not my business.

During her visits, she spends most of her time with Max. I dont mind but our hangouts have become infrequent, she cancels last minute and if not, is at least 2h late. Also, sometimes when I text her, Max replies instead of her... I confronted her in front of Max about her constant lateness, and she apologized but didnt speek to me for 2 weeks. I know she hates confrontation. We then made up, catched up, but still the same lateness and cancelation and communication issues.

I texted her again about it by text saying ive understood she has moved on and is growing up and that i will start accepting that we are both going our own ways in life and move on too but that it saddens me that it ends this way. She replied saying she didnt know it was that serious but understands me. I didnt reply, 2w later i catched up w Max who told me she has been very sad lately (again, he has to tell me everything as if she is a child and cannot tell me things herself).

We had made plans 1month ago to go to a techno rave together my bff and i, but again she cancelled it this weekend (since we had a mini fight lately, aka the conversation via text) and instead went to another rave with Max. I stayed home alone.

Am I the asshole for confronting my BFF about her neglecting me and for taking it personally? Is it maybe time to move on and find better friends ? Or should I just lower my expectations to 0 and still keep her as a friend that I see less than I use to ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jmop999 on 2024-01-02 08:49:07+00:00.

My best friend (28F) and her son (7M) were over visiting for a Christmas party. Sometime while we were visiting, her son went into my pantry without permission and found my hidden “special” gummies. Before we had seen what he had he already ate a couple (he ended up being fine). Upon finding out she flipped out on me wondering how he got them I then explained and was very apologetic but she wasn’t hearing none of it. She still very upset and i don’t know if our friendship can recover.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Video6707 on 2024-01-02 08:46:43+00:00.

So one of my friends, "Audrey", asked me to live with her and another friend of ours, "Emma". The three of us are part of a bigger friendgroup of about 7. I've been looking for a new place but i havent been very vocal about it. The new room is a huge upgrade, I get my own kitchen and it is in the city centre, plus it is very cheap.

As you can imagine, I was very happy when asked and i immediately said yes and i started making arrangements. When I was asked, Audrey told me that she and Emma had first asked another friend of ours, "Madeleine". Madeleine is part of the same group i mentioned earlier, but she was a bit more outspoken than me that she was looking for a new house. So naturally, Emma and Audrey had first asked her.

Madeleine declined the offer, saying she had no money to pay the rent. The rent of this place is relatively low, but still higher than Madeleine was used to, and she is only living on student loans- she doesn’t have a side job so she simply wouldn’t be able to pay. Emma en Audrey had given her time to think about it and tried to make it happen for Madeleine, but to no avail.

Madeleine was really sad about this, because she really wanted to move, but was very clear in her decline. Audrey explained this to me so i would know this whole thing was a bit sensitive for Madeleine, I understood completely. I asked Audrey if she was sure Madeleine didn't want it, and Audrey said no.

So I started to fix everything that needed to be done before moving there. I asked one of my close friends to take my old room, and he said that he wanted to, so i got very exited with the idea of a friend living in my old house.

That evening, Madeleine called me. She said that she regretted saying 'no', and that she wished she had thought better about this. After she declined, she said, she changed her mind, and had started thinking she could make some extra money so she could pay the rent and still move there. She did not communicate this with any of us. Madeleine said she was very sad and angry with herself that she had said 'no'. I felt she was jealous at me, because i (as her friend) dó get to live there, with two of our best friends. She said she couldn't really be happy for me.

It crossed my mind to pull myself back from the offer so Madeleine could still get to move there, but I didn't because I really wanted the new home. Plus, I had already arranged a renter for my old house. She said no, clearly, and i said yes, and i had already started planning everything. It was too late.AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Affectionate-Pin1982 on 2024-01-02 08:43:20+00:00.

So I started speaking to this girl a a few weeks back and a couple nights back she asked to meet me with her friend , who I went to high school with years ago. I wasn’t really feeling like meeting so I just said I can’t tonight , however they kept on talking.

I asked who was with them and they said it was her and my old high school friend and her daughter, which she the proceeds to send me a photo of them. Then she sent me a funny video of the daughter saying hello , to which I saved in the Snapchat chat and laughed at , saying how much she looked like her mother !

Then on New Year’s Eve she was as sending me drunk snaps of her with others calling me all sorts of slurs so I decided to remove her as it wasn’t serious enough to warrant that.

Then yesterday she messaged me being very bitchy and saying loads of stuff again, I just ignored it and played it off as a immature lady , then she said “ don’t save snaps of a child you’ve never met “

Now phrasing it that way was I thought an asshole move, firstly she had sent the snap asking the child to say hi to me and it was funny, secondly it wasn’t her child to say such and take that viewpoint.

To confirm the snap was saved in the chat amongst loads of other photos she had sent

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Advanced_Smell1437 on 2024-01-02 08:20:51+00:00.

I (m42) have a friend (f40) who I met originally in college about 20 years ago.

When we first met, I hit on her and she rejected me.

She then dated a string of guys who were taller and better looking than me.

We stayed in contact when we left college and gradually developed a great friendship.

She's one of the most unique and interesting people I know and I would have loved to have married her and raised a family with her.

Throughout her 20s and 30s she had a string of casual relationships with guys but nothing really permanent. She's never been married.

In her late 30s, she got pregnant with a boyfriend who worked at a bar and now has a 4-year-old daughter.

My love life has been one of utter failure. I spent the two decades after college being rejected and dismissed by women who felt I was too short and unattractive to date. I've had a few short term relationships here and there punctuated by long stretches of touch starvation and crushing loneliness.

Recently, I inherited a large estate from a distant uncle I only met a few times in my life. He lived and died in solo isolation, much like I assume I will.

After hearing about my inheritance, my friend reached out wondering why we didn't end up together. She said some lovely things that I've honestly been waiting to hear most of my life, but I just can't help being cynical.

She's clearly only expressing interest now as I have the money to help support her and her child. She doesn't find me sexually attractive, otherwise she's had years to express her interest and she's never bothered.

I told her I wasn't interested in a transactional relationship. She called me an A-hole and hung up on me. I doubt I'll speak to her again.

AITA?