Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maratahout on 2024-01-02 08:19:48+00:00.

I [18M] have been dating my boyfriend [M30] for three years and we've been living in the same house with his sister [F26] the whole time because my mom passed away and my dad is an alcoholic and my boyfriend was the only one who took care of me when I was 15.

My relationship with my boyfriend is good, but not when it comes to his sister. I have atopic skin and if I don't use special creams I get all covered in extremely painful eczema. All these creams, shampoos, shower gels, and vitamins prescribed to me by my doctor are quite expensive, and I don't have much money of my own. I'm studying for college entrance exams all day long, and I don't have much time to work.

My boyfriend's sister really likes one of my creams that I use. She doesn't have eczema or anything, but she says this cream makes her skin softer. She's even bought this cream for herself before. But after she ran out of her cream, she asked if she could use mine.

I knew she was having financial difficulties at the time, so of course I let her. Since I always try to use my creams sparingly because of their cost, I was a little embarrassed by how much of my cream she used each time, but I kept quiet so as not to seem petty and greedy to her. My cream did start running out twice as fast as usual though.

Some time had passed since then and she had money again. However, she continued to use my cream. At first, I gently asked her if she could at least use my cream in smaller amounts. She looked offended, but said yes. But it was just words and she continued to use too much of my cream. I had bought this cream in a big jar and I had hoped to use it for a long time, but now it was almost running out. At one point I couldn't stand it and told her to buy her own cream. She agreed with me again. But a few days later, I wanted to grab the cream from my shelf and saw that she had used it again. Then something exploded inside me, and I even barely remember myself that I found the price of this cream on the internet and demanded her to reimburse me.

She was offended so much that she even cried. I felt extremely guilty. My boyfriend also now resents me for being greedy with his sister. I feel indebted to him and even more ashamed.

English is not my first language, I apologize if I spelled anything wrong

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Custard1940 on 2024-01-02 08:14:01+00:00.

Ok, in the past couple of years I started making good enough that I bought a house, and I still have plenty after the monthly bills. My family have all been pranksters and at times entitled, my whole life. But Christmas Eve they took the cake. I was NC with them for years. But they convinced me to reconnect after I moved closer. For gifts, I got them all good stuff. Like tablets for the kids with built in DVD players. Sports memorabilia and camping stuff for my dad, brother and uncle. Specific antiques, jewelry and appliances for my mom, SIL and aunt.

I brought my girlfriend with me, as what little family she has are horrid. So she was delighted to spend Christmas Eve with my family. Everything was going smoothly. And I warned my family, no pranks on me or my girlfriend. AT ALL! They swore none would happen. But they could not resist. We got attacked by silly string from multiple fronts. That stuff reeks and gets everywhere. Somehow we powered through that.

But then came the gifts. I wasn't expecting much. But none of them even tried. I got dollar store cooking utensils, a pair of insanely ugly holiday socks that I confirmed were also dollar store, and a pink hat. And that was just from my parents. They all kept snickering and recording me as I unwrapped random junk. One being a used mirror to a car I no longer own. And the one gift there to my girlfriend was a bottle of fart spray. I told them I'd had enough, and they'd agreed to no pranks. Long story short, they weren't just gag gifts. They were the only presents there for us.

I had enough and just started gathering up all the presents I'd brought. They all freaked out and demanded I give them back. I told them all that they didn't change one bit. And they could kiss all of that stuff goodbye. We bagged everything and stormed out. The family keep calling and messaging me that I'm being greedy, I couldn't take a joke, couldn't think of anything to get me, the kids are crying. I don't need to go on.

AITA? I've refused to return any of the presents.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NGIgNDM on 2024-01-02 08:09:06+00:00.

Before I got married I got along with my MIL till I asked her to discipline her dog that would constantly attack my dog, it started off small which I would just redirect him till he was snapping and trying to pin her down, she was coming out a river after swimming and he did it a few times because she loves to swim. (This all happened in the same visit and we live hours apart so I couldn’t really just take her home) The next time I was met to visit a asked if there could be some rule eg not feeding in the same room and if he goes after her that he gets removed from the room or put on the lead. She then complained that it is his house and he can do what he wants. I disagreed and didn’t go visit my MIL. This strained our relationship. Then when it came to my wedding she was trying to control every aspect of the day. I asked for no one to take pictures unless it was on my husband’s or my phone so I could make sure I could send it out to the rest of the two sides. My FIL didn’t listen to this and took lots of pictures, I didn’t want to make a fuss on the day but when they decided to send all the pictures to their side of the family some of which I look terrible in. Made me go mad and we got into an argument and she basically said I can’t have everything my way. Not only did my side get nothing it was really upsetting to me. A few months later of arguing she got her other children involved and they where giving my husband grief and he was told to control me which he replied that I can feel and act how I want and if it upsets me he’s not going to tell me that it is wrong to feel that way. Before I knew I fell pregnant (and lost it) I blocked her it must have been due to the crazy hormones, I just couldn’t deal with her giving us grief, the loss of the pregnancy and one of my dogs needing to be put to sleep. I needed space to breathe and try and come to terms with what happened. She was told what I was going through and she didn’t seem to care about it. Now I am thinking I shouldn’t have blocked her but I’m not sure.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SanaolMusical on 2024-01-02 08:08:20+00:00.

Hey everyone.

So my friend who is transfem had shared pictures with me of when she was 13. At this point in her life, her family dictated her appearance so she was masc presenting.

After stating that she was giving "Ugly, malnourished lesbian" I said she didn't look lesbian. That was all I said. I was gaming and distracted but when I looked back to chat she had "LOL the transmisogyny" and other things.

I was genuinely so confused that like after I read everything else I asked where was the transmisogyny and she said word for word "if the words 'you look like a man's come out the next course of events won't go well."

At this point I'm like huh? Why are you creating this imaginary scenario? All I said was that she didn't look lesbian (which I know is like such a silly statement, there's no way to look lesbian but we have stereotypes and perceptions already) also SHE ISN'T LESBIAN EITHER. If I had to elaborate I wouldn't have said she looked like a boy at all but there's like at least 3 other things I maybe could've meant but she focuses on the most negative?

At that point I apologized and said I had nothing else to say. She kept talking after and I didn't feel like talking anymore so I didn't respond. I shut up the moment I have to explain myself to someone whose already assumed the worst of me.

Honestly I was little hurt but also annoyed. I had never said anything antagonizing like that towards her and it bothered me she assume I would say the worst. This isn't the first time she's done this. Sometimes it's small things like her mentioning something she's insecure about herself before I supposedly could, like her body hair to which I would always say "I wouldn't even notice/point it out" which is true.

I felt like she could've just asked me what I meant before saying I was being transmisogynistic or coming up with this scenario but she says "That would be a micro agression to any transfem with a brain." I don't even understand how saying she doesn't look lesbian = misgendering 😭

I'm just wondering if I'm really TA here. Esp if there's other transfem or trans ppl here. For reference I am not cis either but I am fem. I'll prolly talk to her later about this but I just wanna know if I was being TA before I do.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Footl0ngSubs on 2024-01-02 07:59:22+00:00.

Hey, this is a repost. I’m gonna try to reword some of this to make it more clear that this is an AITA and not petty revenge.

So, I’ve (Teenage F) been close with my two cousins (23 F & 26 F) for as long as I can remember. Our moms are really good about keeping our families close, and they’re the only cousins I ever see because family bonds are not strong on my Dad’s side.

Recently, my two cousins have both gotten engaged and the older one is now married. Their respective fiancee and husband join our families for Christmas. Last year, when Christmas rolled around, I was super excited to shop for gifts for my cousins and their sig others! I picked out thoughtful, $25+ gifts for each of them, spent my own, saved money (I do not have a job because I’m not old enough for most of them yet) and hand wrapped all of their gifts. I was fine with this financial blow because I genuinely enjoy gift giving and I love my cousins and their significant others. When I opened their gift to me, I was kind of shocked. All four of them each pitched in a whopping $6.25 for a $25 amazon gift card as my combined Christmas/birthday gift from all of them. I bit back my surprise, despite being hurt that our relationship was diminished to $6.25 from each of them for my two most important holidays. They all loved each of their thoughtful gifts (keep in mind this was the second year they spent money separate from their parents to give gifts, and I’m already doing it at a MUCH younger age than when they started).

Now, here’s where i’m the asshole. Christmas came by again and I carefully wrapped $6.25 and put it under the tree for each of them. They unwrapped it and shared a glance. My oldest cousin looked at me and laughed as if there was some mistake. “Six dollars and a quarter?” she asked. “Yes. I figured it was appropriate and I didn’t want you to go feeling all upstaged like you did last year!” I said while smiling a little too hard. My mother knew of my plan so she expected it but the rest of the family erupted in outrage. I was told by my aunt and uncle that I was disrespectful, cruel, and materialistic. I get what they’re saying and i understand that gift giving is a spirit and not a transaction, but I couldn’t help feeling extremely disappointed that my cousins and their sig others thought their gift to me was appropriate given the time and effort i took with mine (they’re both new families so of course money is on the tighter side, but my cousins came wearing 300 dollar shoes and the newest phones and a ps5 and stanley cups, so I just wish a little bit of that could’ve been directed at me given how close we were). So am I the asshole for humiliating them? My reaction was petty and rude, but was it fitting and deserved?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dry-Data2300 on 2024-01-02 07:58:18+00:00.

For context, both my friend “Gabriela” (20F) and I (21F) enjoy listening to kpop, but have different music taste when it comes to the artists that we like. She also likes anime which isn’t really my thing, but I started watching chinese dramas earlier this year and ended up really enjoying them. This will be relevant later on.

Looking back on it, I’ve never enjoyed talking with Gabriela about kpop (or anything in general) because she somehow either manages to hurt my feelings, or leave a bad taste in my mouth each time.

One instance was when she was jealous that I had a lot of friends who also like kpop. It’s relatively popular where we are, and unlike Gabriela, I’m not the type to feel embarrassed to talk about my interests (because I’m not weird and don’t fetishize people🫢). She asked me how I met so many other kpop fans and I said something along the lines of “since I was open about liking kpop and so were my friends, we found each other pretty easily.” To that, she responded “well it’s easy for you because you’re Asian.” I thought that was both extremely hurtful and minimizing. Asia is not a monolith. I’m South Asian, not East Asian. It was still hard for me to put myself out there, and I was nervous about being judged, but I still did it anyway and that paid off because I met my best friends.

Bringing it back to the incident at hand, we don’t speak often anymore and were catching up and she asked me for kdrama recs (I had a phase lol). I hadn’t seen one in a while, but I just finished a chinese drama that I really liked and recommended that instead. She gave me a weird look so I joked “what? is it weird to watch chinese shows, but korean and japanese ones are fine?” And I was completely shocked when she said yes. I then told her “if it’s a good show, it’s a good show regardless of what language they’re speaking. If you’re going to be a xenophobic AH, don’t ask me for recs.”

I don’t think what I said was wrong, but she thinks that she couldn’t be xenophobic because she’s mexican?? Haven’t talked to her since and honestly have no intention to do so.

Also, at this point, I was already tired of her because she was crying about how sad she felt for her favorite kpop group. Literally nothing bad happened to them, she was upset because they had two more years until they had to start enlisting in the military (ironic when she made fun of me for being sad on the day my fave enlisted🙄). I’m just so sick of being expected to be emotionally invested in her interests when she never put in the same effort into reciprocating that energy. I told my family about this and they didn’t think it was right for me to end our friendship over that and think that she was an AH, but I’m also being one, so AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Basic_Tour_9701 on 2024-01-02 07:56:22+00:00.

Hi all,

Back story: My mom raised my sister and I (22F) on her own, and we’re all very close. I live 2,500 miles away from her, and so does my sister in a different location. My mom is the most loving and kindhearted person you’ll ever meet. We call either daily or every other day to catch up, tell her I love and miss her etc. I’ve been flying to go see my family probably once every three months.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend (27M) (whom I moved to my current location to be with 2.5 years in after long distance) for 5 years now. He’s ready to get married, but i don’t think i am. He wants me to cut down how often I go to see my family. He’s made it very clear that he has to take precedence over anyone else when we’re married, even asked who I’d go see if both him and my mom were dying at the same time. I know that getting married means you’re making your own family, but I don’t feel that I’m ready to let go of my mom. Especially being so far away from her, watching her grow older and knowing that she’s going to pass away eventually makes me emotional, I feel like I need to get in as much time as I can with her. My boyfriend’s mom passed away when he was young, and his dad and him aren’t very close. He never got to experience what I did growing up, and it breaks my heart. And it’s causing a difference in views. To me, my partner is my number one already. I moved out here away from my family to be with him, I cancelled a trip to see my family this year because he needed me, I will literally drop anything if he needs me. He is my whole heart. He does the same, but I think he feels like he’s runner up to my mom, but the truth is that I couldn’t ever decide. I love him with all of my heart, as well as my mom. Please help, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Just_Yoghurt1055 on 2024-01-02 07:55:25+00:00.

For context I broke up with my ex after he sa’d me about a year and a half ago. The whole experience has affected me very negatively and my friends were pretty much my whole support system. This is why everything that has happened recently has me very upset. One of my close friends recently told me that she had talked to my ex when all of this initially happened and heard his side of the story but now they just snap back and forth occasionally. This made me upset and I went to one of my other friends for support. I went to him just to vent, not really for advice. He, (my friend), thought I was very much overreacting and was just finding reasons to be mad and cut people out of my life.

He then proceeded to tell me that he had been friends with my ex when they had the same class together last year when all the breakup stuff was going down. While he was comforting me over my ex, he was simultaneously being buddy-buddy with him. He tried to justify it by saying it was a small class and everyone was friends but at the same time he was lying to me, saying that he was avoiding him at all costs. He said that I can’t control who other people are friends with and can’t except my friends to take my side. But I think that’s literally the bare minimum to do when your friend has gone through that kind of trauma. He told me that I was living in my own fantasy world and I’m not the queen of the world.

I genuinely think he responded to this in a very childish way and has no idea how much everything has affected me. I still tense up in public, think that I might see my ex. I’ve told my friend so much of how I felt throughout that time period so this feels like such a stab in the back.

So, AITA for wanting to save my friends from my ex?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Forsaken-Slide1942 on 2024-01-02 07:54:33+00:00.

So my neighbour got a cat 3 weeks ago, it instantly kept coming into my house, stealing my cats food and attacking them.

So i told the neighbour to keep the cat in for 3 weeks so it can learn that my house is not where he gets his food and to get it a collar and go to the vet for chipping and neutering, they agreed.

Neighbour kept the cat in for 1 day then it was back doing the same stuff the day after, it is making my oldest cat depressed and is causing me money and is literally biting open the cat flap when I lock it, when I told them the cat is back again they said "just let it back outside if it comes in your house".

I am now threatening to call animal services for neglect as the cat doesnt seem to be getting fed if it keeps coming here, not neutered, no collar, not wormed, not flead, dont know if it has even ever been to a vet. To my knowledge - and spraying it with water whenever it tries coming through the cat flap.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LessTour6840 on 2024-01-02 07:49:25+00:00.

So we were watching beowulf just as we do on every new year since 2012 and everything was going fine until about 30 minutes in when she dared to fall ASLEEP i knew it was over she kept apologizing saying she was tired from work but i was like nuh uh and kicked her out I think she deserved this for violating a sacred tradition and ruining the greatest movie for me i know im not but am i the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SuddenWater2375 on 2024-01-02 07:49:21+00:00.

So me(minor), my sister(20s), and mom were at the table while dad was upstairs. I asked my sister what's taking her so long with the pasta when it should be done minutes ago, I asked her w/out raising my voice, I am very aware of how I spoke to her that time. But then she started to yell and throw insults at me. So I've decided to just not eat with them anymore because I know that if I stay there with them and talk back at her the argument would only get bigger, I went up to my room and I slam the door shut for I am still angry cuz of my sister's insults that came out of nowhere. My dad who's upstairs then yelled at me from my door. My mom then went upstairs to calm my dad telling him to go down, when he went down, my mom yelled at me to let her in so that she could speak with me. When she managed to somehow find the spare key to my room she's telling me to apologise for what I did.

But here's the thing, in my family I'm always the wrong one. I know that slamming the door was wrong but was it right for her to just not do anything while my sister kept throwing heavy insults at me. I am always the problem of my family, I always cause inconvenience and can't fit in and vibe with them. Well what can I do? I grew up with a family who never listened to me, they never listened to me when I was struggling with my studies and with my own personal problems. They even pressure me on my studies since all of them were always the top students from preschool to college. One time I opened up to my mother about my anxiousness on whether I be part of the top students or not. I expected her to tell me that it's okay and that I shouldn't worry about it. But she said that it would be embarrassing because I was the class pres and me not being part of the ranks would be a shame. So with every experience I had with them neglecting my feelings and my problems it led to me having unhealthy thoughts.

My mom did talk with me, but all she had to say was that I'm wrong and that I always am. So I told her about the problems I had in an attempt to have her understand what's wrong with me and why I'm acting like this. As always, she didn't listen. I didn't come out of my room for days straight. Yep, I starved myself, destroyed my sleep schedule, and isolated myself. Around 2am when they're all asleep I would sneak out of my room to get some snacks and some water. I would also use this time to use the bathroom. When I really needed to pee but couldn't get out of my room cuz of my pride and not wanting to interact with them I peed on a plastic container. During that time, I realised the lengths I would go through so that I wouldn't meet them. I cried so hard after.

The day for new year's eve came, I still didn't come out of my room, around 6pm. My dad came knocking loudly on my door telling me to come out and just FORGET about what happened. A few mins away from new years, mom knocked on my door yelling at me to come out, but I didn't.

So AITA for not celebrating with them?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/turnippowdersauce on 2024-01-02 07:46:33+00:00.

I (25M) broke up with my ex (23F) five months ago. It was a one year relationship that ended maturely due to us agreeing that we were incompatible. Although it was a good experience there were definitely toxic moments from both of us that left a bad taste in my mouth. However, made a promise to myself to honor my memories with her and not rush into anything serious so quickly. That being said, I found myself at the bar on New Years with a couple of friends. Me and my ex met through mutuals and our friend groups were intermingled, so I wasn’t so surprised when I saw my ex walk in with some of her friends. We greeted each other and got to drinking. A couple hours later everyone in our group was super drunk and some of them ended up leaving early until it was just me, my ex and a couple of our mutual friends.

We decided to take a Lyft to my house and we started kissing in the backseat. We stumbled through the door and proceeded to hook up. After the fact, although it was awkward at first, we decided as two mature, consenting adults to leave it behind us and look to the future, as continuing a relationship would never work between us. I thought everything was fine until a couple days later I began receiving messages from her begging for us to get back together. When I told her that I did not want to take this route she began to lash out at me, saying I confused her by sleeping with her (she initiated with me in the Lyft).

I kept telling her we both agreed to ignore what happened and although I care about her I did not want to pursue this relationship any further. She continued to berate me and the situation started to overwhelm me (she knows from our relationship that I get overwhelmed easily and have trouble communicating) and I decided to cut her off so that I could think. I have been receiving messages from her friends and my friends telling me that I am a bad person for leading her on, and I don’t know how much of the story she’s told them. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Character_Garden2448 on 2024-01-02 07:45:37+00:00.

Hi, I’m new to posting since I typically just lurk. I (16F), haven’t lived with any sort of parent for a long while now, I’ve been living with my grandparents and don’t see my dad since he’s out at work for half of the year, and I tend to see my mother as little as I’m able to. My mother’s birthday was in around late October, and she had gotten rather upset at me, my grandparents (her side), and my 5 older siblings - 2 older sisters and 3 older brothers. She posted multiple rants on Facebook, which she has done more than once when she was upset. Though, I typically don’t send her anything at all for her birthday due to not having any social contact with her on purpose. When I was a lot younger and all my siblings were still living with her, she was rather abusive in more ways than one (physically, verbally and mentally), I won’t get into the details but none of us actively choose to contact her or talk to her unless she shows up randomly. I saw her not too long before Christmas, and she was surprisingly still going on about the birthday card situation, and upset I didn’t give her one this year, though usually my Nana typically gets me one to just write in for her and forget about. I really don’t think it’s that big a deal though, So AITA for not getting my mother a birthday card?

If anyone wants extra information, please let me know, I just didn’t want to accidentally go over character limit in this

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/hoosiergal107 on 2024-01-02 07:45:31+00:00.

I (36F) am married and have two daughters, Lillian (5F) and Madeline (7F). My youngest sister Shaelyn (24F) and her fiancé Anthony (27M) are expecting their first child, a daughter, together in early February, and I couldn’t be more excited for her. She’s always dreamed of becoming a mom and I’m super hyped to become an aunt again. The only thing is the name she and her boyfriend have picked out.

Both my sister and her fiancé had previously decided to keep their daughter’s name private, but they recently decided it was time to share the name with both my family and his family. So, my sister recently shared the name with us in our family group chat, and they want to name their daughter:

Araya Sunshine Heavenly Olivia [last name].

At first I thought she was joking, and she informed me that she was being completely serious, and that the two of them have had their hearts set on this name ever since they found out they were having a girl. I told her that she could name her baby whatever she wanted, but she should consider that she’s not just naming a baby, she’s naming a human being that will eventually become an adult, and that I think the name would be quite a weird name for an adult to have. Her response was “If you don’t like the name, don’t name your kid that!” then proceeded to tell me that her chosen name was much better than the “basic, boring, grandma names” that I named my daughters.

She then told me I was an asshole for criticizing her baby name, but I think I’m trying to save her future child from a lifetime of bullying and jokes over her name.

I don’t have a terrible name, but my name is a traditionally male name, and I was constantly getting teased in my school years for having a “boy name”. I fear that if my sister proceeds to name her baby the name they have picked out, then the poor kid’s gonna get bullied at least 10x worse than I did in school. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Nelachan on 2024-01-02 07:43:30+00:00.

I (F28) have had quadriplegic cerebral palsy since birth. PT is something I have had since birth, but it wasn't until seven years ago that I started to be more involved in my physical therapy.

It was all thanks to Tom (M now 36), after three or four years his fiancee (F now 28) joined him.Thanks to them I started walking by tripod crutches. Previously I had only moved around helped by others, and outside the house I used a wheelchair.

At the same time, Alice and Tom became my best friends. I could tell them anything, they were the ones who took me out for sushi or pizza for the first time in my life.

Tom and Alice worked in a physical rehabilitation camp 700 km from my home, but I was there about four times a year because they are such good specialists.

In my country (Poland) you go to such camps with your caregivers, especially when, like me, you are not fully independent. My caregiver is my mother (F54)

Unfortunately, in March 2022 A and T said they are changing jobs and moving to another big city. Admittedly, we are now only 300km apart, but their new workplace is a regular day rehabilitation office. I was in despair. However, my mother promised me that we could always go there for a week of rehabilitation and rent a hotel, as there would probably be one close by. She promised that we would go there every month.

In June 2022, Mum said to sign up for rehabilitation there. Unfortunately we did not find a hotel close by, the nearest one from the office is 5 km away. We would have to take two buses. Mum said she was scared and told me to cancel the booking at the last minute. My friends wanted to assist us on the trial bus ride, but she refused.

A week later I heard her say on the phone to a friend,Sofia (F60) that she wouldn't sacrifice so much for me.

In December 2022 my mum told me to sign up again to T and A. Sofia was going to help her look for a hotel. Unfortunately, she did not find anything. The boss of the PT office offered us a hotel, but it was still too far away for mum.

However, Mum finally agreed to take the bus.Unfortunately, after talking to another friend (Ella, 54) she said we weren't going because I would be finishing my PT at 6pm, so it would be dark and mum is afraid of criminals. So again I had to cancel the booking.

The friends were understanding, although their boss was furious. She told me that if I cancelled the booking again I would still have to pay half the price. I never told my mum about this message.

I think I might be a TA because I posted about it on Reddit back then, but as her. I don't know why I did it. Unfortunately people have discovered who I am.

They say I'm blaming the only person who helps me and I'm ungrateful. Also I still have PT in my city and I can go to another camps.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Forsaken-Slide1942 on 2024-01-02 07:54:33+00:00.

So my neighbour got a cat 3 weeks ago, it instantly kept coming into my house, stealing my cats food and attacking them.

So i told the neighbour to keep the cat in for 3 weeks so it can learn that my house is not where he gets his food and to get it a collar and go to the vet for chipping and neutering, they agreed.

Neighbour kept the cat in for 1 day then it was back doing the same stuff the day after, it is making my oldest cat depressed and is causing me money and is literally biting open the cat flap when I lock it, when I told them the cat is back again they said "just let it back outside if it comes in your house".

I am now threatening to call animal services for neglect as the cat doesnt seem to be getting fed if it keeps coming here, not neutered, no collar, not wormed, not flead, dont know if it has even ever been to a vet. To my knowledge - and spraying it with water whenever it tries coming through the cat flap.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GenuinelyConfused32 on 2024-01-02 07:42:31+00:00.

I (33f) was in a very brief situationship with this guy (29m) that ended a couple of months ago. Not our brightest moment but we ended things amicably.

We've continued to interact platonically since then, no mention of feelings but there have been some mixed signals that were confusing enough for me to bring up my feelings on Christmas: this made sense because if it was mutual then he could decide to do something about it, and if not then he'd be more careful with potential misunderstandings.

He said he didn't know what to do, he wasn't super clear but I assumed he meant his options were to get back together or not. Upon further reflection though, he did bring up that he didn't want me to feel bad over the breakup but that he also didn't want to feel bad by putting himself through the stress of a relationship. Also I learned from this conversation that he ended things because he wasn't trying to get into a relationship when we met, and the stress of the events leading up to the breakup confirmed to him that he wasn't in a good place to be with someone.

Fast forward to the 30th, the mixed signals continued so I offered him the possibility of getting back together but made it clear that turning me down wouldn't affect our current friendship and that I hoped he'd pick the option that worked best for him.

This is why I potentially might be the asshole: I thought that if he chose to give us another shot then cool, and if he shot me down then cool too because at least we wouldn't be in limbo anymore, but I wasn't anticipating a 3rd option that involved him feeling disrespected over me bringing up feelings again when I'm supposed to know that it stresses him out.

That conversation was a dumpster fire. He also felt bad for turning me down so aggressively, I replied that he was the only upset one because I was truly okay with the way things had happened, and somehow that earned me being accused of "turning the tables" and being manipulative. I tried to ask what had upset him so much but he literally begged me to end the conversation and ranted about how he's told me many times that talking about feelings exhausts him, so I apologized and agreed to never bring this up again.

I did know these conversations stress him out, which is partly why I've been avoiding them and as a consequence taking so long to move on, but I didn't know it was to this extent. Then again, maybe I should have gotten the hint on Christmas.

I realize this is not the most mature exchange at all, but I honestly thought I was being as respectful and transparent as possible. Being accused of manipulation got to me because I know I have issues with that and it's an active effort to not fall into it, so external judgment would be appreciated.

Am I really in the wrong here? Sure, it's a little pathetic to seek to have this conversation with someone that broke up with me, but am I also the asshole for it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LessTour6840 on 2024-01-02 07:49:25+00:00.

So we were watching beowulf just as we do on every new year since 2012 and everything was going fine until about 30 minutes in when she dared to fall ASLEEP i knew it was over she kept apologizing saying she was tired from work but i was like nuh uh and kicked her out I think she deserved this for violating a sacred tradition and ruining the greatest movie for me i know im not but am i the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/tway23423 on 2024-01-02 07:41:05+00:00.

My aunt is a single mother of a child with down syndrome.

Among my family he is known as a "method actor". This is because he will fall in love with a TV show, character, singer, or a an actor, and become them.

For example, when he was younger he fell in love with spiderman, he wouldnt answer to anything but peter parker no matter what u did. He took a picture of andrew garfield from his laptop and u could see his reflection in the computer screen with the flash on LMFAO. He has also become justin bieber, and the flash in the past too. Usually someone would find a hole in his story and then it would all come undone and he just becomes himself again.

This in itself was never really a problem, but recently he has fallen in love with kpop, and there is a famous singer that is about 26 years old, so he is now 26 years old too (in reality he is 16). This is a big problem when he interacts with people, girls especially. He has told multiple girls around his actual age that he is 26 and he has a crush on them.

People believe him because when they question his date of birth, he has an answer. It is so believable because he literally has an explanation for almost any question thrown his way.

Obviously alot of people have gotten upset at my aunt, and our family for allowing him to behave this way as an "adult" when in reality he is just a kid and he's just expressing his feelings.

I hang out with him a lot and Ive finally found a way to break his character. He has an older brother who is only 24, so whenever I catch him lying about his age I ask him how old his brother is and he answer 24, then I ask who is older to which he replies his brother, then finally I ask him how old he is and he says 26, then he has a brain fart and then sits there for a bit and then finally admits hes lying.

I dont know why, but he still hasnt caught on to my trick and so now whenever I need to confirm his age with a parent or something I just use that exact script and all is good.

People are saying this isnt the right way to deal with his delusions, some people are calling me a jerk for making him look stupid like that and trying to embarass him.

Im just his cousin, I do what I can. I know this isnt a permanent solution but in the meantime I think this is pretty good. Is this fucked up? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Character_Garden2448 on 2024-01-02 07:45:37+00:00.

Hi, I’m new to posting since I typically just lurk. I (16F), haven’t lived with any sort of parent for a long while now, I’ve been living with my grandparents and don’t see my dad since he’s out at work for half of the year, and I tend to see my mother as little as I’m able to. My mother’s birthday was in around late October, and she had gotten rather upset at me, my grandparents (her side), and my 5 older siblings - 2 older sisters and 3 older brothers. She posted multiple rants on Facebook, which she has done more than once when she was upset. Though, I typically don’t send her anything at all for her birthday due to not having any social contact with her on purpose. When I was a lot younger and all my siblings were still living with her, she was rather abusive in more ways than one (physically, verbally and mentally), I won’t get into the details but none of us actively choose to contact her or talk to her unless she shows up randomly. I saw her not too long before Christmas, and she was surprisingly still going on about the birthday card situation, and upset I didn’t give her one this year, though usually my Nana typically gets me one to just write in for her and forget about. I really don’t think it’s that big a deal though, So AITA for not getting my mother a birthday card?

If anyone wants extra information, please let me know, I just didn’t want to accidentally go over character limit in this

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/chickennuggetx0x0 on 2024-01-02 07:30:47+00:00.

My best friend of 10 years is getting married, and I am bridesmaid. I have been with my fiancé for 7 years and he is only invited to the evening - I’d get it more if:

• she didn’t like him (she definitely does like him)
• it was a small wedding (there’s 80 to the day)
• we weren’t together for a long time (but we have been for 7 years and are planning our own wedding her partner is invited to all day).

When she told me I was very upset but didn’t let her know as it’s her wedding and she is stressed enough. I know how hard it can be to please people and writing a list is tough, but I honestly thought it’s a no brainer that my fiancé would be coming, especially as I’m a bridesmaid?

She has mentioned it and said she cannot afford to invite him, which is fair and everyone has their own way of getting married, but I do think it’s a little odd still. As a bridesmaid I’m also paying for my own dress, shoes and makeup, and it’s a mid week wedding and hen do so I need to take 4 days A/L - I love her so I am doing all of this for her, but again I think it’s abit strange - maybe I’m old fashioned idk

My fiancé isn’t going to come to the evening as he feels snubbed, but I don’t know how to tell my friend this as I don’t want to upset her or make her feel awkward.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/hoosiergal107 on 2024-01-02 07:45:31+00:00.

I (36F) am married and have two daughters, Lillian (5F) and Madeline (7F). My youngest sister Shaelyn (24F) and her fiancé Anthony (27M) are expecting their first child, a daughter, together in early February, and I couldn’t be more excited for her. She’s always dreamed of becoming a mom and I’m super hyped to become an aunt again. The only thing is the name she and her boyfriend have picked out.

Both my sister and her fiancé had previously decided to keep their daughter’s name private, but they recently decided it was time to share the name with both my family and his family. So, my sister recently shared the name with us in our family group chat, and they want to name their daughter:

Araya Sunshine Heavenly Olivia [last name].

At first I thought she was joking, and she informed me that she was being completely serious, and that the two of them have had their hearts set on this name ever since they found out they were having a girl. I told her that she could name her baby whatever she wanted, but she should consider that she’s not just naming a baby, she’s naming a human being that will eventually become an adult, and that I think the name would be quite a weird name for an adult to have. Her response was “If you don’t like the name, don’t name your kid that!” then proceeded to tell me that her chosen name was much better than the “basic, boring, grandma names” that I named my daughters.

She then told me I was an asshole for criticizing her baby name, but I think I’m trying to save her future child from a lifetime of bullying and jokes over her name.

I don’t have a terrible name, but my name is a traditionally male name, and I was constantly getting teased in my school years for having a “boy name”. I fear that if my sister proceeds to name her baby the name they have picked out, then the poor kid’s gonna get bullied at least 10x worse than I did in school. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Significant-Bass-835 on 2024-01-02 07:28:42+00:00.

I have two childhood friends who I would like at my wedding. We have decided to have a very small wedding with 30 people plus kids, the problem is with my friends husband who has a drinking problem and I am worried about him getting super drunk and causing a scene, my other friend has a long term partner as well who we don't want to invite due to the same reasons.

Would I be an asshole if I just invite the two girls to come together and leave their partners off the invitation? We've all known each other since primary and are in our mid 20's

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/tway23423 on 2024-01-02 07:41:05+00:00.

My aunt is a single mother of a child with down syndrome.

Among my family he is known as a "method actor". This is because he will fall in love with a TV show, character, singer, or a an actor, and become them.

For example, when he was younger he fell in love with spiderman, he wouldnt answer to anything but peter parker no matter what u did. He took a picture of andrew garfield from his laptop and u could see his reflection in the computer screen with the flash on LMFAO. He has also become justin bieber, and the flash in the past too. Usually someone would find a hole in his story and then it would all come undone and he just becomes himself again.

This in itself was never really a problem, but recently he has fallen in love with kpop, and there is a famous singer that is about 26 years old, so he is now 26 years old too (in reality he is 16). This is a big problem when he interacts with people, girls especially. He has told multiple girls around his actual age that he is 26 and he has a crush on them.

People believe him because when they question his date of birth, he has an answer. It is so believable because he literally has an explanation for almost any question thrown his way.

Obviously alot of people have gotten upset at my aunt, and our family for allowing him to behave this way as an "adult" when in reality he is just a kid and he's just expressing his feelings.

I hang out with him a lot and Ive finally found a way to break his character. He has an older brother who is only 24, so whenever I catch him lying about his age I ask him how old his brother is and he answer 24, then I ask who is older to which he replies his brother, then finally I ask him how old he is and he says 26, then he has a brain fart and then sits there for a bit and then finally admits hes lying.

I dont know why, but he still hasnt caught on to my trick and so now whenever I need to confirm his age with a parent or something I just use that exact script and all is good.

People are saying this isnt the right way to deal with his delusions, some people are calling me a jerk for making him look stupid like that and trying to embarass him.

Im just his cousin, I do what I can. I know this isnt a permanent solution but in the meantime I think this is pretty good. Is this fucked up? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/_thatonegirl on 2024-01-02 07:22:06+00:00.

This happened yesterday and still kinda emotional about it. Also a bit of context - my dad is calm around people and has a bad temper at home and I am special needs.

So I (20F) and my dad decided to get something to add for new year's dinner. So we decided to get some chips (fries for the Americans reading this). So we go into the shop and place our order.

The person behind the till says that it's going to take about 10 - 15 minutes for the chips as he needs to cook them. The first time he leaves, he went to check where my mum parked. The second time he went out and came back, bought 2 cartons of eggs.

The second time he came back to the shop that we ordered from, he got mad that the chips weren't ready for us and deanded that he should be refunded. My dad though that that the clerk was giving our chips to someone who just walked in and was ordering. I quickly jumped in and said that he should have some patience.

By the time he storms out, our food is ready and I go to collect it. As I'm picking it up, I offer a £10 tip in which the clerk respectfully declines and I apologise for my dad's actions.

As we are walking to the car, my dad said that I should not have said that and to have more respect for him. Once in the car, my dad twists the story as he is telling my mum. Luckily she asks me what really happend and I tell her the truth but agrees with my dad saying that I shouldn't have spoken up.

Right now I'm in my bedroom feeling like I shouldn't have said what I said in the first place and feeling like shit for saying it. So am I the asshole?