Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Equivalent-Tale1613 on 2023-12-31 01:57:18+00:00.

My fianceé is very sensitive to anything about hygiene or body image so no matter how tactfully mention bad breath or body odor, she'll break down crying about how I must think she's disgusting. Despite this, she only brishes her teeth or showers maybe once every two weeks.

Over the past few years I've asked at random times if she's planning to shower or brush her teeth (without mentioning she should). Sometimes she says she'll do it later, often she says it's boring and she doesn't want to.

I love her to death, but this hygiene thing might be the death of me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Analyst-7297 on 2023-12-31 01:13:27+00:00.

Every year, my family does Christmas at my mom's, and she insists that we open all presents together (even gifts between spouses, etc.). It's normally an ok tradition, but sometimes it can spark jealousy or comparisons between families.

This year, my husband saved up and bought me my dream designer handbag for Christmas. I know some people aren't into that, but it's something that I truly love. We're not well-off, but we're not doing poorly either, but I knew that the handbag would cause a lot of discussion amongst my siblings and parents. I just didn't want their opinions and criticisms to ruin a special gift my husband worked hard to get for me.

So this year, my husband got me an extra gift that wasn't the "real" gift (it was a moderately priced skincare set). Christmas came and went without drama, but I recently posted a picture of my husband and our kids at dinner, and my handbag could be seen hanging off the back of my chair. One of my friends commented underneath about how gorgeous my Christmas gift was as well.

Long story short, word got back to my family and they totally blew up. Some were annoyed that I opened a private gift separately from the family. Others were criticizing the price of the gift. My siblings are now calling me disingenuous for harboring a secret gift, and they said that I did it because I think I'm better than them.

I didn't open it with them because I didn't want their opinions, but now I'm starting to feel like an AH for keeping it a secret. I knew either way they'd all criticize me though since it was so much more expensive than all other gifts, so I don't know whether or not I'm wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/woman40 on 2023-12-31 01:40:46+00:00.

So my (16f) step daughter has had her friend over for 4 days. I wasn’t even consulted about the length of her stay in the first place. I asked my husband on the third day, when is she going home? He said tomorrow maybe I don’t know. So the 4th day comes around and I asked him again. He says I don’t know I will have to ask my daughter. I just simply state to him that I would like her to go now it’s been 4 days. I feel like it’s been a long enough stay and that she should go. He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us the parents. So he leaves to the garage and i go about my day. He comes back in less than 5 minutes to argue with me about it. I just say I’ve had enough of the visit and that 4 days is enough. We argue for like 5 minutes and he leaves for at least 2-2.5 hours. So I out for a walk in the conservation area near our home and he comes to find me to tell me that the girl over heard our conversation and left in a taxi when his daughter got home from work. Both of my step daughters have been going back and forth to work for at least 3 of the days that the friend has been here. So now my husband won’t have anything to do with me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Analyst-7297 on 2023-12-31 01:13:27+00:00.

Every year, my family does Christmas at my mom's, and she insists that we open all presents together (even gifts between spouses, etc.). It's normally an ok tradition, but sometimes it can spark jealousy or comparisons between families.

This year, my husband saved up and bought me my dream designer handbag for Christmas. I know some people aren't into that, but it's something that I truly love. We're not well-off, but we're not doing poorly either, but I knew that the handbag would cause a lot of discussion amongst my siblings and parents. I just didn't want their opinions and criticisms to ruin a special gift my husband worked hard to get for me.

So this year, my husband got me an extra gift that wasn't the "real" gift (it was a moderately priced skincare set). Christmas came and went without drama, but I recently posted a picture of my husband and our kids at dinner, and my handbag could be seen hanging off the back of my chair. One of my friends commented underneath about how gorgeous my Christmas gift was as well.

Long story short, word got back to my family and they totally blew up. Some were annoyed that I opened a private gift separately from the family. Others were criticizing the price of the gift. My siblings are now calling me disingenuous for harboring a secret gift, and they said that I did it because I think I'm better than them.

I didn't open it with them because I didn't want their opinions, but now I'm starting to feel like an AH for keeping it a secret. I knew either way they'd all criticize me though since it was so much more expensive than all other gifts, so I don't know whether or not I'm wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/skyfully on 2023-12-30 22:33:13+00:00.

i F23 have always had problems with my mothers side of the family. most of it stims from my uncle.

my uncle at the time was in his mid 30s and still lives with his parents. he has the physical and mental capabilities to work but for the past 10 years, he just refuses to.

he doesn’t work, gets high 24/7 using money his parents give him and is just a very angry and unpleasant person to be around.

when my great grandmother died, my mom, dad and and i went up to be with my great grandmother before her death and to be with family after.

during all of this, my uncle refused to even leave his room. he didn’t visit my great grandmother and would call my grandmother to come home and make him dinner while she was visiting her dying mom.

every time he would call for things like food, more cash for drugs, for the bathroom to be cleaned, for his laundry to be done, my grandmother would literally leave her dying mother to cater to her fully capable ADULT son.

the day my great grandmother did pass, we were all deciding what to do for dinner.

my uncle decided he wanted to come but had recently decided he had a long list of food allergies despite never going to a doctor or having any type of reaction to these foods.

every time a restaurant was brought up, my grandmother said she had to ask J and would text him a link to the menu of the restaurant and wait for his response. mind you, he was upstairs in his room yet just refuses to come down.

after about 5 refusals of restaurants it was getting late and i lost it.

i told my grandmother that this is the reason why i never visit or talk to her. i said that her obsession with caring for her grown son was honestly weird and unhealthy. i said that he needs to grow the fuck up and take care of himself.

she yelled and said “is my son, i will do anything for him and you have no right talk about him like that. he is my only baby left and i have to protect him also you have no right to talk to me like that the day my mother just died”

at that point i looked over to my mom who is her daughter. she was in tears.

i looked at my grandmother and said “you are fucking sick”

i then started packing my stuff and she came up behind me and yelled “you are going to stay right here missy and you are going to apologize to my son”

i said absolutely nothing and just continued packing. since my mom, dad and i had all drove up together, we had one car. my dad slowly walked over and said “just come with we”

my dad and i then left. the whole time my grandmother was calling me and leaving voicemails that i needed to come back and apologize to her baby. that i couldn’t just leave like that.

the next day, my mom, dad and i left as scheduled and the only thing my grandmother said to me was again, i need to apologize to her baby.

i honestly miss how things were before she stared this with him and part of me just wants to placate her to keep the peace but another part of me knows it’s healthier to stay away.

AITAH for leaving and not apologizing?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ChaoticCutie161 on 2023-12-30 21:43:16+00:00.

I (23 F) realized at work i can give my boyfriend (24 M) referrals which gets him $50 after 3 months of them being members a o far i signed up 4ish people with his name on it and i told him and he said “well since you couldn’t give it to yourself you gave it to me?” and he literally brushed it off and said how he didn’t care because i didn’t “do” anything for him… i called him an ungrateful asshole and that anyone would be happy for free money

adding context: it’s not shady it’s encouraged to refer people he’s referred people before and all of my coworkers know him because he’s been going there for like 10 years, my manager suggested i put his name it’s literally free money don’t have to do anything but open an email

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ConstantConclusion47 on 2023-12-30 16:59:17+00:00.

For Christmas this year, my dad gave me a yearly subscription to my local newspaper. This is an award-winning publication, and it often features really interesting stories that I hadn't read because they were behind a paywall. I was very pleased to have received the gift. The thing is, I work full-time and need to start my day early, so I don't really have the time to read the paper deeply during the work week. It's on Saturdays and Sundays that I can dedicate as much time as I want to it.

Well, earlier this morning, my wife and I were sitting in our living room, and she was in the mood to talk over our morning coffee. Normally, this is fine, though she does tend to ramble on and on about stuff I don't always care about, but today it was getting pretty annoying. Furthermore, she seemed oblivious that my one or two-word answers to her questions meant that I was trying to read and didn't really want to talk in that moment. Finally, during one of her interruptions, I turned to her and said "Can't you see that I'm trying to read the paper?"

She became offended and sort of got a surprised look on her face, but that quickly turned to anger. She tried to guilt-trip me and tell me that "we never catch up anymore," but I reminded her that I am home every night after work, even though some days I work late/get caught in traffic. At one time, I worked a job that required extensive travel, where I would be gone for weeks at a time, so I don't think she has any room to complain about my current work situation. Nonetheless, she wanted to make this difficult by refusing to let me read.

At this point, my wife is still upset with me, and I don't know what to do. I'm considering locking myself in an empty room for a few hours because this seems to be the only way she won't disturb me, but even then I could see how she would knock on the door every 10-15 minutes. I just need her to understand that what she's doing is making my Christmas gift essentially worthless, but she doesn't seem to have any respect for my father's money at all. I wish she would apologize, but she clearly believes that I'm the one in the wrong. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dinosaurs_go_meow on 2023-12-30 16:30:49+00:00.

My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) were out with two of my own friends for an anime convention earlier on. Me, my friend and her boyfriend were all dressed in cosplay for the event as we enjoyed to cosplay during our free time together. After the event, my friend had suggested to take a simple photoshoot as it had been awhile since we’ve cosplayed together as a group. I agreed to it and my boyfriend was also okay with the idea so we headed out to a proper venue for a photoshoot.

During the photoshoot , my friend’s boyfriend was trying out different ways to take our pictures. One of which was trying out the “Panorama” feature on his phone. I agreed to be the one he tries this method on and when we took a look at the results, we all bursted into a fit of laughter. It was genuinely a silly and innocent joke and I was in on laughing at how ridiculous I looked. The panorama had warped my image into looking like a default Roblox character.

My boyfriend then asked if he could have the picture for himself on his phone. Initially, I thought it would be something he kept to himself as some sort of silly inside joke, so I agreed for it to be sent. I would have never agreed to it if what happened next didn’t occur at all.

When it was my friend’s boyfriend turn to take pictures, I was standing next to my boyfriend when I saw my picture in a private chat with one of his own friends. At that time, I didn’t think to tell him what he did because I felt that it was funny, but after much thought, I did not like that he had shared images of me without my knowledge.

After the day had ended, I decided to approach him with the situation and told him that I did not like how he was willing to act on sending pictures of me to his friends without my consent to which he responded with “I just thought it was funny”. I explained to him that I felt that it was not fair of him to be doing that as he himself had expressed how he would prefer if I consulted him on the pictures I post or send to others. I then asked him if he liked that I was passed around since he likes to do anything he pleases with my photos. He was taken aback and asked where the relation was and I explained to him again why I felt like he was breaching my trust for him.

He apologised and said he wouldn’t do it again, but mentioned that I also did something like this a few days ago when I texted my friend that he was crying over a bad haircut he had. I had told him my intentions sending that message was not to ridicule him but to ask for advice instead as I was unsure on how to console him at that situation. He still believes what I did was as bad as what he did today and I can’t help but get hurt about it. AITAH?

Edit: hey guys, I’ve realised what my mistakes were with regards to the situation and I’ve brought it up to my boyfriend with how I reacted. He mentions that none of it was with ill intentions and that he just wanted to share fond memories with his close friends about his own girlfriend. He understands about how he didn’t respect the boundaries set prior to the situation and he apologised for his actions. I’ve also told him how my behaviour was impulsive and I did not mean to warrant distaste for my perspectives of the situation. I apologised for my mistakes and I shared that I would love to communicate things better with him in the future.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Flashy-Studio8140 on 2023-12-30 14:52:49+00:00.

My son is three and potty training. We're in the thick of it, with no diapers and not very long to get him to a toilet. He is autistic and has delayed sensation.

For the holiday season we - me, my wife, our son & my BIL, his two kids (5M, 2F) and his wife - decided to head out to our local shopping mall. They had sales on and they were doing last minute Christmas crafts.

Part way through an activity my nephew declares that he needs toilet. My toddler then realises that he too needs to go so we, me, my bil and the boys, head to the bathroom. The line was about fifteen people long. There was no way in hell my kid was gonna make it.

I looked around, no options, so I did the next best thing - I took him over to the sink. He was losing it, I had no other option. I washed it out after, apologised to the other people there and left. When my BIL emerged he was pretty pissed off and made a point of telling his wife about it.

Someone also informed security who essentially told me not to do it again but in that kind of "we don't care" way, you know?

My wife later on said she didn't agree with it - predators could have seen but imo they would have seen if I'd takem him to a urinal too. Its also unhygienic, but again, no worse than a kid who peed on their hands and then touched the sink. I scrubbed it after.

My BIL said I was setting a bad example which I can agree with, even in an emergency. My wife said if it was that dire I should have taken him into the womens.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Plane-Law-4190 on 2023-12-31 00:22:32+00:00.

So I don’t know if this is a universal thing but my (19F) family has a tradition where on New Years when it hits midnight we give one person a kiss (my parents kiss, and i’d give me little brother a kiss on the cheek). Well my boyfriend (20M) asked if we were going to do a New Years kiss and I told him yes but I was also going to give my little brother a kiss on the cheek too because I’ve done it since he was born. He told me that he’d prefer if I just kissed him but I told him that it was tradition for me to give my little brother a kiss on the cheek. He called me an asshole because I’m only supposed to kiss him on New Years so am I the asshole for refusing?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/cyclical_philospher on 2023-12-30 14:35:08+00:00.

I (26F) have been married to my husband(29M) for almost 8 years. We have 2 kids (7F, 4F) and I am 5 months pregnant with our final child. I have been the default manager of house/family/finance matters the whole time. Intimacy 1-3 times/week. He recently has increased his involvement to loading the dishwasher and laundry about once a week, folding his clean clothes, playing/tv with the kids for an hourish about 3/wk and taking the kids to bed after bath routine 4/wk. Plus pressing repairs to car/home. He has been pursuing a veterinary career and finished his DVM 5 months ago. He retook the NAVLE last month so he can't get a vet job yet. He has never had a full-time job due to school demands, but began working a flexible schedule for his dad in construction at $20/hr that is equivalent to about 3/4 time. He takes 1/2 days every Friday to work 2 hours in the local vet clinic as a "shadow" for free to stay in practice while he waits for licensure. He will also go hunting 1-2 times during the week in addition to using 8-14 hours on Saturdays to do ranching or hunting. I work part-time for $18/hr and also have gone back to online school to get my bachelor's (full time course load). I work M-Th 8a-1p and do school 2-4p. Friday and Saturday are for home/family catch up with appointments, cleaning, groceries, etc. Sunday is church and extended family obligations since both our families live in our county. I'm exhausted. I've done my best to be extremely supportive. He has never had to carry the mental load of anything outside school, part-time work, and occasional repairs. He knows I will always make up the difference for everything else. Sundays are especially hard because I hit burnout and he's cranky because he hates being stuck in the house. I just want to recover. Mornings are always contentious because I try to sleep in and make myself up for church, but that makes for a scrunch to get the girls ready because he just watches TV/phone and then takes 5 minutes to get dressed and comb his hair. He hates not being at least 10 minutes early so he gets to yelling at the kids and making snide remarks. I do 40 min choir after church and try to get about an hour of rest in before more housework and then family dinners. I'm extra raw because he took off without even asking on Christmas morning for 3 hours to try out the new shotgun despite my spending the last 2 months stressing how important the family day was to me. This after spending 2 days on his family's ranch-helping take care of my SIL's 3 sick kids (she was working and I didn't know they'd be at in-laws house) on top of mine and being sick . I snapped and was in a deep depressive episode for about 6 hours where I just kept crying. I really want a designated day when I'm off duty and he picks up the slack instead of having twice as much work the next day. Is that unreasonable?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA445800 on 2023-12-30 22:48:30+00:00.

I (27F) am in a bit of a dilemma and could really use some advice.

I've been seeing this guy for a couple months, and we decided to go to a nice high-end restaurant for a date. Initially I was going to wear a nice dark blue dress that I like to wear out, but he asked me to wear a different white dress that I had shown him once as it matched his outfit (I’ve never had a guy ask me this). The white dress in question was a gift from my late grandmother and was quite expensive, so I was reluctant but agreed and just asked that we didn’t go anywhere after where I might spill something on it or otherwise mess it up (he mentioned clubbing after dinner which is why I said that, I didn’t want to risk messing the dress up) and he said we could just go to dinner and I could change out of it before doing anything else. Great!

However, the evening took a turn for the worse when he accidentally spilled his red wine all over my dress. He had gotten an unexpected call and when he tried to quickly mute his ringer, his elbow hit his glass and it spilled all in the lap area of my dress before I could react. It was completely drenched and stained. He was apologetic at the time, and I tried to be cool about it, but inside, I was devastated, especially since I had mentioned specifically how I wanted to be careful wearing it.

Later, I mentioned to him that the dress was very expensive and asked if he'd be willing to help with the cost of cleaning or replacing it. To get it professionally cleaned and the stain removed would cost $100, which I asked him to pay half of. To my surprise, he got quite defensive. He argued that it was an accident and that I was being unreasonable for expecting him to pay for something like that, and that it was my fault for wearing it out knowing that it could’ve happened.

I feel like it's a matter of principle. Yes, it was an accident, but the dress is ruined, and it was extremely sentimental to me not to mention a valuable dress. He thinks I'm being materialistic and making a big deal out of nothing. Now, I'm not sure how to feel about his reaction. AITA for expecting him to cover the cost?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Grimm_fede_00 on 2023-12-30 13:08:34+00:00.

My (18m) mother always takes photo of me without my consent

I dont like being photographed especially by other peaple im not photogenic at all and the photos are always super unflattering i have photos of myself but they are carefully taken to make me appear decent

(To clarify i like myself physically i just hate how i appear in photos not in general)

Today my mother and i were having lunch at a restoraunt and she took a photo of my and it was so bad that i asked her to delete it she refused so i made a bit of a fuss (nothing much i just said not calmly that it looked awful and i wanted it deleted i didnt raise my voicr bcs i didnt want to disturb other peaple) and she gave in and deleted it

She says that she takes photo bcs she want to have memories but i dont like those photos.

She dosent ask anymore bcs i refuse most of the time bcs im not in the mood to have my photo taken and i dont think i owe her that

Now she's mad and basically wont talk to me Its 3 days that im trying to get her to came with me to go drink a hot chocholate and she refused again

Edit

I thik i left out an important info i am trans all of this for me are pre trastion photos tahts one of the reason i dont like them

I didnt want to say it bcs i want to be mostly stealth but i think its important

Edit 2

A commenter said that it was a relevant info ao im adding it

Basically after she took a photo of me she started bragging that she managed to snuck a photo of me that also a part of why i reacted like that

Edit 3

I talked with my mother we found a solution wixh is that she wont show me the photo taht she takes and ill say yes mlre ofteb to take photos with her

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mistress_jewel on 2023-12-30 22:42:06+00:00.

I F(20) and my boyfriend M(23) are currently staying with my family, my nephew sleeps across the hall from the room that we are in and I try to keep the noise down past 8pm. A few nights ago my boyfriend was playing his game and the volume on the tv was very loud, I dealt with it but once 8pm rolled around I asked him to turn the volume down, he then proceeded to blow up and yell at me for “being controlling” once he was done with his tantrum he got up stomped out of the room slammed the bedroom door and then stomped all the way through the house to the garage and slammed the garage door as well. After a minute or so once I gathered my thoughts I went out to the garage and told him that I do not appreciate him making so much noise so late and that if he yells at me or slams another door in my fathers house again he will be sleeping on the couch until he learns some respect. So, AITA for telling him he’s gonna be on the couch or was I being reasonable given the circumstances?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/gardenlies on 2023-12-30 12:00:07+00:00.

I have a daughter (15F) who is a very bubbly and curious child. Recently my gardener vanished and ghosted us so I hired a new one.

I was a bit surprised since the new one is a young girl and I've not met many young women gardeners but she agreed to work for a great price and does good work.

She is an illegal alien from Venezuela who arrived here quite recently but that's none of my concern as long as she does good work.

She has some time between her work at my place and another job and i agreed to let her spend time at my place between jobs. This works out for me as she often helps out during this time and cooks a meal for us or cleans the kitchen if we need.

The problem however though is during this time she often converses with my daughter sometimes in Spanish which they both speak fluently even thoough her english is litterally perfect despite an accent.

I don't mind this but she often talks about her past and in strange ways and likely makes up things. She claims to have fled for safety even though she told me it is for money, claims to have a degree in Math yet she works as a gardener somehow but wants to eventually work as a programmer.

She dramatacizes her journey here and says she walked most of the way when there are transport links and flights all over. It might sound like I am harsh but she says stuff that doesn't make any sense and is almost mythical and invents things like dealing with "la bestia" (the beast) and something about some force called Darian on her way.

I am fine with her and my daughter being friendly and like that but I wish she wouldn't talk nonsense and I suspected it might be a ploy to convince my daughter to convince me to increase her wage.

I told her to stop making things up but now she took a complete 180, does her job without saying much and has a less fun and chill vibe and acts like she is scared of me.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maleficent-One-7780 on 2023-12-30 19:08:53+00:00.

Back in October, I (F63) found a great present for my 6yo , gymnastics inclined, granddaughter, a climbing dome. Checked with her parents to make sure it was ok, it was, so I ordered it. My son said to have it delivered to their house, he would put it together. It arrives Dec 17. I am sooooo excited for her to get this! On 12/23, we agree that the kids will spend the night with me, my son will have the day, without the kids, to put it together. I offer help, my BF will be glad to go over and help. My son does not ask for any help, does not let me know that he can’t get to it, by early that evening I am realizing the climbing dome is not assembled and won’t be. I am REALLY disappointed to not have that “Christmas morning moment “, (I spent the night with them.) I text my son on the 27th and ask if it cool if I get a handyman to put it together. He is totally not cool with that, tells me she won’t miss it and he plans to put it together that day. He is oblivious to why I am upset, tells me he thinks it’s because of how much I love the kids, and how much I do for them. That is not it at all, it’s that he told me he was going to get it done, then didn’t, and didn’t give me the time/opportunity to get it done myself. I was hurt and sad. He responds with telling me that “he didn’t meet my expectations “, also, they don’t need me to pay for one of the kids private school tuition going forward (I pay one, they pay one). And he’ll get back to me, “needs time”. This feels like an extreme reaction, and that I am being punished for what I said. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Performance_Medical on 2023-12-30 09:21:25+00:00.

Tldr: son is on spectrum, dad is upset about the diagnosis and throwing a fit saying it's B's and just an excuse for bad behavior. I on the other hand don't believe my kid is being malicious or manipulative and science backs me up. Arguments with his kid have revolved around this difference of belief that my son and I share in science and my ex not. I defended my son's disorder in front of his dad and his dad has disavowed any further visitation because of it.

I (in my 40s) have been divorced rom my ex for that majority of my (teenaged) sons life. We share custody and have been civil for the most part until my son hit puberty. My son has some issues and I'm raising him with methods that are backed by science for his issues. My ex (in his 50s) is having a huge amount of personal issues with my son. Some of these issues are cultural (he's from a conservative country and has even more conservative parents than he was and they are very anti medical science) very much disliking my ex and my ex's family; disliking him in particular as a person for many reasons both financial and personal, I've always tried to be supportive of my son connecting with that side of his culture and spending time with his dad until now. Last summer my son and him really got into it while they were on vacation overseas. My son came back angry and not wanting to talk with him or about it much. During the vacation I spent hours and hours being a mediator between my ex and my son and spent most of the time trying to coach my ex on compassionate child raising techniques.

Fast forward to Christmas. I sent my kid to my ex (he's about half a day away now) and my son wanted nothing to do with him. My ex texted me nonstop picking fights, accusing me of ruining his kid, telling me he's going to be a useless bum because of how I'm raising him, etc. Three days into the vacation my son had an issue and my ex blew up, screaming at me, yelling at his kid, gaslighting him over his issue (it's well documented, I'm just avoiding the what because I don't think the what is relevant, esp if it's backed by evidence that it exists ), and so on. He accused me of trying to spread my "fake diseases" to my kid and giving him a lifelong excuse for bad behavior.

I lost my patience at this point and started sending him peer reviewed papers and defending my kid and my son saw and heard it. My ex wants to take him on a wilderness survival trip to "shake some Sense into him" and I said in no way would I sign off on it. My ex has as a result, said he doesn't want anything to do with his kid until he's 18 and I no longer can prevent him from doing these things to his kid. Am I the asshole for defending my kid from his dad in front of him?

edit: since someone seems to think it matters (I still don't) my son can be considered part of the spectrum. lots of disorders there, keep it kind please. fyi my son is kind as a person himself, he just has issues that can be treated and I don't believe he should be subjected to forced masking. I'm not interested in debating the validity of spectrum disorders there are other places for that. I got him diagnosed. He's getting medicine. He has an IEP. At home we use compassionate parenting and he has a therapist. All of these are things my ex is extremely against and very angry about both in my direction and in his sons direction. question isn't "am I being a good parent in getting him treated based on the most current scientific studies for his condition" it is "am I an asshole for defending him against his father's culturally held anti science belief systems that I think are damaging my son's mental health, or am I just being culturally insensitive?"

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayiguess3901 on 2023-12-30 08:11:03+00:00.

throwaway because she has my reddit, so some context, I (20m) have been with my gf (19f) for 5 months. she plays some games but I wouldn't consider her to be a huge "gamer" considering she doesn't play much and everything she plays is single player games like animal crossing, Minecraft, and the sims.

Since she has never had any real experience with multiplayer games like FPS and such, she doesn't really get the fact that being in a high placement in a game such as fortnite matters and frequently says "you can just play a round after and try again." If there is a serious or important issue I will 100 percent of the time leave any game I'm in but if its something unimportant that can wait 5 minutes I prefer to finish my game.

The incident that sent me over the edge was when we were going to attend a party that wouldn't be starting for another 2 hours, I was in a game because I knew I had plenty of time still and planned to get off and get ready right after, my girlfriend for some reason is obsessed with showing up on time to the point where she will show up upwards of 30 minutes early to events and has had her friends specifically tell her to not show up early because they aren't ready yet or want people to show up at the right time.

She's rushing me to get ready to leave because she wants to be there early when I tell her that her friends have told her multiple times to not show up so early to things, which she brushes off and tells me to turn off the game and get ready to leave, I respond saying that there are 10 people left in the game and it wouldn't take more than 10 minutes to finish, which would leave us with almost 2 hours of time to get ready. She starts getting upset and telling me to get off now and I refuse, which leads to her turning off my computer and walking out of the room.

This has happened a few times before and i specifically have told her to not do that and I think I'm entitled to respect from my partner regarding my stuff, she doesn't listen and continues to do it anyway. I'm considering separating because I'm honestly sick and tired of how controlling she can get when we need to be "on time" for things when we would get there at least an hour early, am i the assshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SassyTrailmix on 2023-12-30 18:55:46+00:00.

A couple of years ago, I had enough of my mom's crazy behavior and decided to cut her off. Notably, she's a former drunk turned functional pill addict. Somehow along the way, she and my now deceased father managed to adopt my mixed-race younger siblings, as she claims, 'just to spite her racist dad.' Unfortunately, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'd even argue she's worse than my granddad.

I swear she only relocated us to a politically divided town simply to hurt my siblings and expected me to follow in her footsteps. Big no from me! Instead, I stayed out of politics—not because I don't care, but for my own sanity.

Anyway, after getting married, educating myself to feel comfortable enough to vote and finally settling into a more permanent address, I was eager to register and do things my way. But while sifting through a ton of government paperwork, I discovered that "I" supposedly voted in the last three elections. Confused, I reached out to the proper agencies. Turns out, I had indeed registered when I was 18 but forgotten I chose mail-in ballots. I explained I understood, but there was no way I could have filled them out, as I was either at college or not living in that state during the elections.

They then asked who lived in the address where the ballots originated, and I said my mom and underage siblings. We hung up, and I thought, "Alright, moving on." Fast forward, and I get a call requesting more information. I provide it and moved on once again.

Welp, a few days ago, I received a video of my 75-year-old mom getting arrested. I initially thought it was just another one of her 'Karen' moments, but nope! She'd been fraudulently mailing in my votes.

Personally, I'm just vibing with the idea that karma finally got its way! However, a friends mentioned I shouldn't let an elderly woman, especially my mother, face criminal charges.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/gynnam on 2023-12-30 06:39:12+00:00.

Basically what the title says. This day was planned already in advance. My wife would otherwise have worked but she called out and is LIVID because I didn’t stay home to take care of her while she has a cold and instead stuck with my plans.

AITA here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Scary-Damage5279 on 2023-12-30 06:37:23+00:00.

So my fiance(34F) and I(38M) have been together for 3 years. We've been trying to get pregnant for the last 10 months with having one miscarriage before she ended up getting pregnant within the last 3 months. Sometimes it seems that i have always been the one trying to push us to progression through the whole time we've been together and at times it seems like she couldn't care less to be in this relationship. Im the one who has been pushing for a child, initiated the engagement talk, and even asked her to move in.

There have been a few occasions where I've witnessed her from another room, either disrespect my son(4 whom i oly have 1/3 of the time) or treat him badly because he asks for help or asks just a simple question. She thinks he's a spoiled brat because he throws tantrums when he gets told no and doesn't get his way and has made it clear. My child's mother and I don't talk to eachother and have a court ordered custody agreement.

She's not really one to cook (maybe twice in a good week) and it's always a fight to get her to clean. I work out of town alot and every time I come home, the place is a disaster and there's piles of clean AND dirty clothes laying around, the sink full of dishes, trash full and any thing that falls on the floor or gets set down/played with will sit in the same spot until i say something or pick it up myself. Her 2 girls that live at home ages 7 and 13 have never had chores or responsibilities even though I have been more than adamant about some sort of structure being given to the household with nothing but failed attempts. She works about 1/4 of the time although she is in school as well. (Part time) I do yet still thinks I enjoy coming home to a dirty house, no clean work clothes, and still doesn't get why I'm on edge at times.

Now we've had our fights and problems and I've cheated on her but came clean once confronted. I love her and would never do it again but we were "on a break" and i came acrossed an old high school friend at while eating at a bar. Meanwhile anything I have ever confronted her about, even with proof, gets denied and she tries to make me seem either a.) Dumb or b.) Paranoid and crazy. I've suspected her of cheating before and being misogynistic/ flirting with guys such as grabbing their butts or winking at them literally right in front of me where I can see it happen but I get told I'm crazy and just seeing stuff.

Now our day to day life is good. We laugh together, are intimate, have alot of sex (usually because I'm provoking it) and it seems like we would be the happiest couple to any outsiders. We've done our fair share of drugs together but I recently got sober and calmed down because im trying to build my tech business and other than her meds she takes; which is to get high and she tells me she's quitting yet effort is minimal IMO; she has too. The other day though I caught her taking some other drugs and it doesn't sit well with me. At all. I know it's not good for the baby even though she claims the embryo isnt even attatched to her. I feel like it just once again proves my point as far as her not giving a F..k about anything in this relationship. I'm so over bringing stuff up just to get told I'm crazy. Honestly I think I'm at the point of being fed up with her but am nervous to call it off due to fear of retaliation through the child IF she makes it to term. I need some advice and other people's perspective on this. I would NEVER want to leave a child behind or not claim but I'm not having much hope for us and idk what way to go.

Thanks in advance for your responses.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sad-Dept on 2023-12-30 05:39:53+00:00.

I (19F ) married my husband (23M) December/22 - When we first started dating he wasn’t exercising regularly or anything but he was smaller than he currently is by 20-40lb? It’s nothing crazy but his eating habits aren’t great everything is always size large or in multiples. He can easily do 1/2- whole pizza and a box of breadsticks with a couple brownies. I don’t mind if he’s not as big of a health freak as me but I want him to be fairly healthy. This kind of meal portion isn’t just fast food. He will also eat 2-3 plates at dinner regardless if we’ve ate much during the day or not. Recently I’ve just started cooking less but then sometimes he’s upset there isn’t more or it’s for his lunch but he eats it anyway. I try hard to eat mostly meat/veggies/fruit/cheese and avoid processed foods it also is hurting him financially the amount spent in take out and just extra food in general. Not sure how I should go about this; I’ve made it clear how I would prefer we eat majority of the time. I have had multiple conversations with him about food and chemicals in the home that are damaging to our health and expressed to him that I don’t want that. He has a “we all die one day” attitude and cares so little it’s actually driving me crazy..

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/zsx00 on 2023-12-30 04:49:52+00:00.

I (31m) had twins about 7 months ago, a boy and a girl. The issue at hand is because of the girl. I watched game of thrones since it came out and always loved the character Arya Stark. I thought she always looked so sweet and loved the storyline of her being an assassin. I even loved that she gave the final blow to the night king. Since then, I’ve always wanted to name my daughter Arya if I had one.

When discussing with my wife (37f) she recalled that her brother (35m) once mentioned he liked the name Aria (with an i) but at the time they only had a son and were not expecting, so I didn’t want to not use the name I’ve always wanted on the off chance that his wife gets pregnant and is a girl. Besides, it’s an extremely common name and they’re different anyways.

About 2 months ago we find out that my BIL’s wife is pregnant with their second child and it’s a girl this time. Apparently all the feelings came back rushing to him about us “stealing the name that he’s always wanted to name his daughter” and he completely cut off his life. He will not talk to my wife at all and rejects discussing his feelings about the matter, which makes my wife really really sad over just a name.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Spinach4596 on 2023-12-30 04:37:51+00:00.

My wife and I are from India living abroad in a foreign country since 5 years. We have worked our asses off to reach where we are. This year we invited and brought our respective parents to this country as their well deserving trip and a way to thank them for all that they have done for us as parents.

My wife has a younger sister (24 years old) who is still studying. By nature she is a spoiled complaining brat who always gets what she wants without having to work hard or sacrifice or compromise on anything. She has no sense of ambition or earning. All that she cares about is living a chill life without any responsibilities while depending on her father's finances.

Today my wife mentioned that we can invite her next year for a trip. But I insisted that we should let her come only once she finishes her education, gets a job and starts earning. Because if we don't do this she will continue assuming that she can get everything easily without doing anything.

I was disappointed that my wife did not think about this the same way I did despite she being aware of how her sister is.

Am I the asshole to think like that?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MayaRose55555 on 2023-12-30 02:31:12+00:00.

So, I (15F) was just yelled at by my mom (45) for not cooking the entire pizza and not asking anyone if they want some because I cut off a piece of frozen pizza for myself to eat and cooked it without making the whole thing for anyone else.

My logic was that 1. My mother is on a diet, hence she would not eat the pizza, and 2. My brother (5) had just eaten lasagna and finished the tub of vanilla ice cream we had, so he wouldn’t be hungry. Those are all the household members, besides me of course. With this, I cut a third off of the pizza and cooked it. When it had come out, my brother did ask where the rest was and I said “this is all I cooked” before going to my room, feeling bad of course but knowing he had just eaten anyways. I ate and heard the oven go on and saw the rest of the pizza there in the oven when I went back out. A whole half. I then thought of how stupid it would be to leave the one leftover lice in the freezer, so I took it out and put it in the oven to get it out the way and eat it.

My mom then came out of her room and started saying stuff about me not asking everyone else if they wanted some to which I explained the logic I previously mentioned, but then she pointed out how I had eaten Taco Bell about 3 hours ago and I was still eating again. I told her that my brother had just got finished eating within the last 30 minutes, and I had understandably assumed that she would have cooked him enough food for him to be satisfied. (Also, she had watched me cut the pizza. She didn’t say anything about him or her wanting any).

My brother, during the argument, had also tried to run over my foot with his huge remote controlled car and she said “he’s just trying to play” when I took my foot away and told him to stop. I said “play? Oh, yeah, how fun to have my foot ran over” or something. Then she went off on how I don’t like being touched and other things and I said “oh yeah, you just hate me. The middle child, right?” And then she said “hate you?” And pulled out the fact she had gotten me more expensive gifts for Christmas than everyone combined, which I pointed out that I didn’t ask for it and said that she always says I hate her but she’s the only one I spent my money on to get a gift (I didn’t have to, I just wanted it to be on time, so I put in the other half, 50$, that my sister was supposed to put in. Keep in mind I don’t have a job. I barely ever get money, so spending 50$ on someone else is a pretty big deal, to me, at least). Then this whole thing just went on. 

Who’s the asshole here?

Edit: Since a lot of you guys are hinging on the fact that I cut the pizza, no hate to your opinions, some added info is that I didn’t spontaneously come up with that. My mother had done it previously when only my brother was eating the pizza and put the rest in the freezer to save it so it could be fresh. That’s the only reason I had the idea to cut it. If I hadn’t seen her do it, I would’ve just cooked the whole thing