Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/broidontkow on 2023-12-30 19:41:39+00:00.

so a bit of context my mum and my biological dad split up and they dint get along so i dont see him fast-forward now she's married my stepdad and decided to change my name without option which i thought is unreasonable so i tried to talk about it with her and turned it so i was in the wrong. Every time i even bring it up with her she acts as if I'm the unreasonable one.(also idont have contact w my biological dad (she made sure of it) so i cant even change it cause im a minor (which she always flaunts in my face about how she's he parent and shit).So what do you guys think aita?(I'm 14f btw)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sorry-Tumbleweed628 on 2023-12-30 19:32:52+00:00.

Im a kpop listener. I like K-pop…kdramas- it’s just what I like. My friends judge me for it and so does my family because they think it’s weird since I’m African American and I can’t understand the lyrics.

It’s been happening since the beginning of the year and it has become very annoying.

A few weeks ago, I was the only one at home and I was doing my chores. I wanted to listen to music, so I decided to and I didn’t put my AirPods on since I was the only one at home. I was listening to my K-pop playlist. So as I’m cleaning the kitchen, the door bell rang and it was my mom.

I opened it, but the music was still on. My mom rolled her eyes and told me to turn it off, but I didn’t and decided why not just put my AirPods on. But she yelled “No, turn off the music!”

So I said “you won’t hear it if I have my AirPods in” she got upset and took my phone saying “I don’t know why you listen to them Chinese people anyway, you don’t know what their saying and you won’t ever get noticed by them” She said she was tired of me spending my money on albums and making plans to go to concerts. One day she even ripped one of my posters off the wall because she felt one of the members had too much make up on. You know how crazy that is???

So I told her that whatever I listened to SHOULDNT concern her. Because it’s just music—- pop music in another language and it’s not like I was trying to become an idol…or even fake to be Korean. I listen to all genres and I’m still African American.

She called me “Asian-washed” and told me I was nothing like a black kid. I told her that she would be the reason I’d move out and never visit because she can’t let a child be. I told her she’s lucky I’m not roaming around the streets with vapes and having sexual interactions with other people.

She called kpop useless and I was grounded for three days.

It made me upset and it was hard communicating with her. But I ofc had no other choice but to. When I got my phone back, I saw that my K-pop playlist was gone. I asked her why she did it and she said she was sick and tired of having a black child wanting to be another ethnicity.

I told her she was stressing me out and I couldn’t wait to move out because I was tired of having someone as judgmental as her of a mother. am I in the wrong here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/kurozana on 2023-12-30 19:30:49+00:00.

my sister was going on a flight to NC and needed my scale to weigh her suitcase and she kept telling my parents and siblings to ask me for it but didn’t come herself. i didn’t give it because i wanted her to ask for it herself and apologize to me. the reason i wanted her to apologize was because a few days prior we were doing a target run and when we were leaving she proceeded to walk in front of a moving car expecting it stop when the driver wasn’t looking at her and i got mad because why tf are you potentially risking an injury. and then i told her i didn’t like that she did that. and she gets uncomfortably mad and it was so akwkward being with to her. and i told her since she doesn’t care if she gets hurt, to just die then, since she doesn’t give a fuck about her self. and she drove me home and the ride was quite. So later, when she came to ask for the scale she didn’t apologize and had an agressive tone of voice. so i refused to give it to her. and then she has an episode of just yelling at everyone and freaking out and crying. and now everyone in the house is hostile to me and i don’t think i deserve this. i feel like because my sister is the golden child, she can fuck up and i’ll still be blamed. i’m mad cuz my mom is blaming me for not giving her the scale and saying i’m the crazy one, but all i wanted was an apology from my sister. Was i reasonable or am i an asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RottingEvergreen on 2023-12-30 19:26:10+00:00.

I, F17, am turning 18 in 2024. I am british, and in the most british fashion possible, my family has a emblem (it's of a boar's head with a plant). This is usually given to children of our family, either through signet rings or signet necklaces on their 18th birthday.

Both my mother, aunt and uncle all have signet rings / necklaces. I have been keen to get mine, ever since I was little, and we finally got my necklace ordered for my upcoming birthday.

It was christmas day when this all went down. We were eating at my aunt's house, the whole family together. My cousins and I were discussing what we got for christmas, two of my cousins are already 18 (Jackson and Jess), but didn't get a signet ring / necklace (I'm not sure if it's because they didn't want it, or for other reasons). I said that I didn't really get any presents this year, because my signet necklace counts for my birthday and christmas, as it has 18k gold, and is quite expensive. I showed them the cast of the necklace, and suddenly my cousin, Ellie, (who is born the same year as me, just a few months later) also wanted one for her 18th, and her dad said they could talk about it later.

Now, I know my parents are a bit more well off than my aunt and uncle, and the fact that I am an only child means that my parents can afford getting the ring - although they have been saving up for it for a while. Additionally, unlike my cousins who have three or four siblings respectively, I'm an only child.

After we finished the meal, there was shouting between my aunt, my mom and Ellie - I was then reprimanded by both my mom and my uncle for "showing off" my signet necklace and for causing a big argument. Ellie called me an asshole because she can't get one, and Jackson and Jess have been calling me an asshole for being insensitive about how much the rings cost, and how not everyone's parents could afford it.

I understand their frustration, but it's my present which I have been waiting for for over 10 years - and I will be wearing it to every family function as soon as I turn 18 - so they would see it eventually. Honestly, I don't see how I'm in the wrong - they were talking about getting nice perfumes, clothes, shoes or tech - so why can't I mention the necklace that's my "christmas and birthday" gift?

So reddit, I reach out to you to ask, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/polemicwitch on 2023-12-30 13:47:34+00:00.

My (F23) mom (F62) and my dad (M62) came to the US for Christmas, so that we could spend some time together since I study here and they live in Europe (where I was born and raised). I haven’t seen them for a little more than 6 months, and as soon as my mom saw me she commented that I gained weight. I am not going to lie, I did gain weight, but I am not overweight and I am actively trying to lose those few pounds that I gained. I go to the gym often, I climb, and I try to eat healthy as much as possible. However, living on campus, sometimes is difficult to eat healthy because the dining hall offers a lot of fried food, which I tend to avoid.

For this little family vacation, I traveled to one coast of the U.S. to the other in order to see my parents, we spent a lot of time together, but most of the conversations with my mom were about how fat I got, and how unlovable I am when I’m fat. She started questioning if my relationship is real because she cannot understand how is it possible that I’m in a relationship while being this fat. I also overheard a conversation she had with my dad, where she was wondering if my boyfriend actually cheats on me, because “it’s not possible that he loves her, she is so fat”.

This whole week has been dreadful, I regretted deeply spending this week with them and I feel hurt. This morning, before leaving for the airport, she started crying and told me “you’re so intelligent and beautiful, why do you have to ruin everything by being fat?”, I got so mad and I told her “if you have to constantly complain about MY body, and have to cry because you think that I am so unlovable, then do not bother coming back to this country in 6 months to see my Masters’ Graduation”. She stopped crying and started screaming at me, calling me names and saying that I do not respect her, nor accept criticism, and most importantly that I am not thankful for all they’ve done for me. My dad agreed with her, told to me that there was no reason for me to talk like this to my mother, because she is correct and she is saying these things out of love. I reminded them both that I went through eating disorders growing up that were triggered by my mom’s behavior and constant criticism of my body. They both said that I never had an ED and that I am an asshole for talking to them like this after all they’ve done for me.

Now I’m just confused and overwhelmed, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/nlw421 on 2023-12-30 17:17:16+00:00.

My husband (27M) and myself (28M) have had a pretty rough year financially. We moved to a new city, and both ended up taking lower paying jobs than usual, and have had a hard time budgeting with our new salaries. So, for Christmas we promised we would cut back on gifts for each other, setting a $50 limit and saying we would not do stockings for each other. This was hard for me, as Christmas is a big thing for me and gift giving is something I love to use to show love. Still, I stayed close to the budget.

About a week before Christmas, my husband came home with a bag from Target and said not to look because my stocking stuffers were inside. I panicked and said “I thought we weren’t doing stockings”. He had forgotten about that part of the conversation, and said he just bought a few things. So, I went out and got stuff for his stocking. The thing is, I love buying stuff for stockings, it’s my favorite part of Christmas, so I went a little bit overboard and ended up spending about $200 on his stocking.

On Christmas morning, when we emptied our stockings, he had gotten me just a few things like he said, and felt guilty when I opened mine. I assured him it wasn’t a big deal, as I truly was happy with what he gave me and was happy he was able to save money since I clearly could not. We had a happy Christmas and didn’t have any more issues.

…until we saw my family. I had gotten myself a Groupon for some CrossFit classes and my family asked how I could afford to do CrossFit right now while we are so broke. I told them about the Groupon and they were still confused since we should be saving money. So I lied and told them it was a stocking stuffer from my husband. They took that a lot better.

However, when my father mentioned to my husband that he got me a really good gift with the CrossFit classes, my husband now feels like I lied because I didn’t want to be embarrassed by his lack of gifts. I assured him that was not the case but he is not convinced and is embarrassed that I “had to lie” about my presents to my family.

So, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/key2play on 2023-12-30 17:17:12+00:00.

A few days ago, my boyfriend informed me that he had gotten a dog.

Background: We do not live together but had gotten to the point that we were going to be living together as soon as possible (which would be about in a year) as long as our work situation allowed us to do so (which is highly likely). We both have jobs that require a ton of travel. He currently lives full time in a travel trailer doing work all over the US. However, I recently was offered a job that after 6mo-1yr would allow me to work with him on all the same jobs... thus the ability to live together.

2 days ago, his boss's mom (older lady) gives his boss her dog (due to health reasons). His boss then asks him if he wants the dog and he says yes and immediately goes and buys everything needed for the dog. He lets me know later that night that he got a dog. No discussion... just tells me that he has a dog and tells me "hopefully you will like [name] as my dog."

Here's the problem. I don't like dogs and he knows this but we had tossed around the idea of maybe one day getting a dog and I had shown him several that i thought were possibilities because I thought... maybe if the right one comes along, I could like it. This dog is not even close to anything we had talked about.I'm mad because he didn't talk to me at all before accepting this dog. He is also heavily in debt and it will take years to get debt free. We have made plans on how to get debt free and this is so frustrating to me because it's an expense that I wasn't expecting.

So, AITA for wanting him to return the dog? I'm honestly not sure. He says that my feelings of him getting a dog are based on my not liking dogs. I feel like a decision like this should have been made together as it affects both of us long term. However since we don't live together right this minute, it's possible that I am indeed... the you know what.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Square-Day351 on 2023-12-30 17:04:25+00:00.

My step daughter (11) who is with her mom most of the time has one of those trips to DC coming up. Mom previously went with her older daughter and signed step daughter and herself up to go in 2025. Our custody order states any extra expense over $200 has to be agreed upon before either is obligated to pay. We were not consulted, just told it was done and to start paying.

Some history here: 2019 my husband and I took our son on a last minute trip to visit my dads side of the family. Mom got upset step daughter didn’t get to go and showed her our pics on social media to make her mad at us.

2021 we take both kids on a trip and ask if mom will send some spending cash (like $100) so step daughter can get souvenirs to bring home to them and she said no and she shouldn’t have to pay for our vacation.

2023 we took both kids to Disney World for Christmas and while she said she would, she didn’t send anything with her-fine we had them doing chores and saving all year for spending cash.

We said no to paying for half of the $2600 trip and are legally not required to. This was an opportunity through the school but is not a school sponsored trip. Mom already thinks yes, but am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jermsamu on 2023-12-30 17:16:31+00:00.

On Christmas, my aunts were talking about Caitlyn Jenner. She’s a pretty despicable person, but they kept dead naming her and intentionally using the wrong pronouns. I politely pointed out that we should address people how they like to be addressed and they ignored me. As I was leaving, I mentioned that I had friends that were trans and if they said something that was bigoted against black people, I’d call them out on it to.

One of my aunts apologized (via text, later) but my Dad pulled me aside and told me I brought the mood down like I ruined Christmas. He said I should apologize. Then he told me that I was being brainwashed by the enemy and that homosexuality isn’t of god. I’ve never been as disappointed in my family as I was on Christmas.

I know there’s a time and a place for everything but I really felt like I had to say something, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NeighborSucksAITA on 2023-12-30 15:33:37+00:00.

6 months ago I (37M) moved into my house with my wife and 2 boys under 10. We aren't dog people.   The issue is one neighbor had what according to google images is an Australian Shepherd.  In the last 6 months it has come into my front yard and back yard at least a dozen times.  It is rarely leashed and also manages to get through our shared fence.    

When I say something, the owners just say he's friendly and wants to play.  I don't want the dog to play in my yard.  My boys aren't  interested in playing with the dog.  I've taken the dog back to them every time.  My plan is to replace the fence to be sturdier, but we are still house poor and finances are tight for something like a new fence. 

I ask them to leash it, they say no.  I ask them to repair the fence, they say no.  They seem to love the dog, but it seems to control my neighbors as opposed to the neighbors controlling them.  I've begged them to keep the dog out of my yard and its always been half hearted responses saying they will.  I threatened to take it to the shelter, they didn't believe me I guess.

I got fed up and took it to the shelter.  That evening my neighbor came pounding on my door looking for his dog.  I told him I got fed up and took it to the shelter.  The dude was incredulous and called me every name in the book.  I shut the door.  I heard from another neighbor he hasn't located his dog yet, its been about 24 hours.  I got fed up at his negligence.  AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/nicolasrage_ta on 2023-12-30 17:15:18+00:00.

my friend is getting married, and he is planning his bachelor party weekend that will be 3 days long. it is in a different town 3 hours away from all of us (to be clear: everyone invited lives 3 hours away, think of it as a beach getaway).

I have no other reason than I selfishly don’t want to go, I don’t wanna spend a PTO day or spend the $$$ it would take to rent 3 days worth of airbnb + eating out + bachelors party expenses. I could budget for it, but I’d just rather not

there are only 5 of us (not including the groom) invited. I know for a fact 1 of them will cancel because they travel for work, so 4 maybes and if I cancel that leaves 3. I don’t want him to feel like nobody wants to celebrate him.

should I bite the bullet and go, or tell him I won’t be coming?

I would dedicate a day, in-town for him, but I feel like I would especially be the AH for suggesting how he plan his bachelor party

additional info: I am not a groomsman, and I have no idea what the itinerary is because they want a headcount before they make plans

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Inside-Long-4977 on 2023-12-30 17:09:44+00:00.

Hi community looking for you thoughts and insights…

I bowl on a bowling league on Tuesday nights with another couple which is friends of ours and one other person. My wife is a substitute and fills in for other teams when they have a shortage of players. Well a few weeks ago our friend’s wife left her wedding ring on the table while bowling because her fingers swell up, however at some point throughout the night of bowling her wedding ring came up missing we say missing and not stolen because we honestly don’t know if somebody stole it or if it might have accidentally got thrown away.

The bowling alley management was terrible in handling the situation and didn’t do anything about it and basically said tough luck sorry about your luck. All the other bowlers that were there were super helpful and nice and helped look for the ring but it was never found. So a police report gets made and we all leave for the night mad and upset of course.

In the heat of the moment my wife and I agree with our friends we are not going to support the bowling alley anymore because of the poor response of the management. In the meantime we had about 3 weeks left for the first half of the bowling season and so our friends (the other couple) ask us to go back and bowl the remaining 3 weeks because they don’t want to go back and we have to finish our bowling to get our prize money for the 1st half of the season. So my wife and I go back to bowling for the next 3 weeks, hoping our friends would want to come back. Our friends wife was contemplating coming back but her husband didn’t want to, so ultimately they never returned. During the 3 weeks of bowling my wife meets other bowlers (another couple) that are also fill in bowlers, they talk about making a new team since our team would be dissolved. So at the last week of bowling we checked in with our friends to see if they were coming back and they were not, so at the end of the night we let the league know that the team was ended and we (my wife and I) and another couple started a new team for the second half of the season.

A week or so later we would be seeing our friends and thought it would be best to tell them in person that we decided to stay with the league, well word travels fast and randomly my wife gets a text that’s very passive aggressive from our friends that said they were mad and hurt and that they had to hear it from somebody else. We texted back and said our intentions were to tell you in person to actually feel your reactions and emotions and talk about our decision and their feelings since you can’t express emotions in text well at all.

So… sorry for the long read wanted to make sure all the context was there. So are we the assholes for joining a new team? Are we the assholes for waiting to tell them in person? What’s the thoughts from all of you?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ShyHotMama on 2023-12-30 15:14:36+00:00.

Every year my sister’s family and my family rent a beach house for Thanksgiving. My mom and her husband have always been invited and come as well. Since her husband died in 2021 we’re the only family she has left. The problem is that she drives everyone nuts!

She drinks too much, is annoying about everything, and is a self marter in every situation. Not sure what to do, but my husband and brother in law are pretty much set on not inviting her anymore, and I kind of agree. We can’t do anything with our two families without her being invited and it’s getting really frustrating.

Am I the asshole for not wanting to invite her on trips anymore?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Top-Tip-4959 on 2023-12-30 17:08:01+00:00.

Throaway because of personal reasons. My (20f) parents are divorced. I spend Christmas with my mom (45) and the New Year's Eve with my dad (49). This year, he asked me if i was visiting and i said that i would, but i would only be spending one evening with them, since my dog is sick and she needs someone to take care of her. My dad got really upset by this and basically said that i'm "prioritizing an animal over your own family". I understand where he is coming from, but as i said, my dog is sick and there's no one else who could take care of her (my mom is not going to be home this weekend). I even thought about bringing my dog to my dad's house with me, but my dog has never been there, and i'm afraid she'll get even more sick if i bring her with me.

So, am i the asshole for not spending the whole weekend with my dad?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MadHopeful2066 on 2023-12-30 17:05:46+00:00.

For some backstory, I (19F) have a close friend (20F). let’s call her L. L is in a relationship with M (20M). They recently got engaged. M proposed without a ring, as neither of them could afford one. as a kind gesture, I paid for the ring that she wanted. it’s not necessarily an expensive ring (£60). They both promised to pay me back once they had the money. Onto the current situation, recently L has become quite toxic and almost abusive to M, also flirting with other men including my boyfriend. M has been considering ending the relationship. L has talked about what would happen to the ring if they did split up. I know that both of them have the money to pay me back for the ring, however neither of them has. so here’s my question, WIBTA if I asked them to return the ring to me if they split up?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Square-Day351 on 2023-12-30 17:04:25+00:00.

My step daughter (11) who is with her mom most of the time has one of those trips to DC coming up. Mom previously went with her older daughter and signed step daughter and herself up to go in 2025. Our custody order states any extra expense over $200 has to be agreed upon before either is obligated to pay. We were not consulted, just told it was done and to start paying.

Some history here: 2019 my husband and I took our son on a last minute trip to visit my dads side of the family. Mom got upset step daughter didn’t get to go and showed her our pics on social media to make her mad at us.

2021 we take both kids on a trip and ask if mom will send some spending cash (like $100) so step daughter can get souvenirs to bring home to them and she said no and she shouldn’t have to pay for our vacation.

2023 we took both kids to Disney World for Christmas and while she said she would, she didn’t send anything with her-fine we had them doing chores and saving all year for spending cash.

We said no to paying for half of the $2600 trip and are legally not required to. This was an opportunity through the school but is not a school sponsored trip. Mom already thinks yes, but am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Front-Athlete2033 on 2023-12-30 17:04:07+00:00.

english is not my first language so sorry if i type something the wrong way

i (15f) got grade on my english exam that i did a few weeks ago, and i got 85/100 which is pretty low for me because in english i usually get 95/100-100/100 and of course i got a bit upset but got over it. so i saw the grade today and even though i didnt actually know what reaction to expect from my parents i still decided to show them my grade. just so ya’ll will know, before i used to have a bad relationship with my parents, mostly ignoring each other and if we werent ignoring each other then fighting all the time, and my grades were really bad. but i started getting better grades after managing to fix my mental state which was also bad before. once i started getting better grades we started having a good relationship and i started getting more comfortable with my mom to the point were we could just talk about whatever. so i thought that my parents would have a basic reaction like always which is them saying good job to me, hug me and then we’ll go in with our day. but when i showed my mom my grade, she got upset and started asking me why didnt i get a higher grade, and why only a 85. i got upset and said “but i passed, without even studying to the exam. why arent you happy with that?” and she got mad at me saying that a 85 is not enough for her, and that i should be getting at least a 95 if not higher. so i got really upset, but decided not to argue with her about it and just walked away to my room, while she was saying “oh no, look who got mad”. once i got to my room i started crying because it hurt that she wasnt proud of me like before and didnt pull me into a hug. so a few hours have passed since then and i fully ignored her, which made her get upset and now shes even more mad. my dad isnt aware of the situation yet so i didnt get scolded from him but i did get yelled by my mom when i was ignoring her. so i now feel bad because shes my mom and i do feel like i shouldnt be ignoring her. so aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Street_Reward_6712 on 2023-12-30 15:00:02+00:00.

I (29F) have a sister called Ella (27F). Growing up I was put in the position of being a parent to Ella despite how close we are in age. Our dad died while we were young which to be honest wasn't much of an impact because he wasn't a present or involved dad and I don't think he really wanted us. Then when Ella was 6 and I was 8 she was diagnosed with diabetes and ended up in the hospital after falling extremely sick, which is how they diagnosed her. Mom fell apart and basically checked out after the diagnosis. She went to the hospital every day and was there but she never took anything in, made no effort to make sure she was able to help Ella deal with her diagnosis, wasn't there for me. Once Ella came home I had to take over and make sure we had something to eat and I had to push mom to bring money into the house someway because she lost her job after Ella's diagnosis when she basically ghosted her boss and refused to speak to them.

It was a tough life and Ella really clung to me. Lines were blurred because I wanted to be her sister but she needed and wanted a parent and after a while I was more of a mom in her eyes than a sister. Our relationship never returned to one of sisters. For Ella she couldn't see me as anything other than her parent.

Ella is now engaged to Jackson (30M). Jackson is my ex. We were together from the ages of 19 to 23. Jackson cheated on me and stole from me. He slept with a girl who was shitty to me at work and tried to excuse it as they got drunk (though I found out it happened at least 5 times). He also bought her stuff with my money. Literally took it from my house to buy this chick stuff. I was furious. I even called the police on him when I learned what he had done.

Ella started dating him 18 months ago. I wasn't happy when she told me. No part of me thought it was a good idea. She told me she knew he was an awful jerk when I knew him but he had changed and blah blah blah. I told her it was her life but she had to understand if they ended up being a serious thing it wouldn't mean I would be close to him. She told me that we (my husband and I, husband was Jackson's best friend when I was dating him and it's how we met) should at least be civil and give things a chance.

The problem now is she told me to buy Jackson a gift as a symbol of me accepting him into our little family. She has been at this for 3 months now and won't let up. She accused me initially of being bitter because I wouldn't. But then she called me selfish last week when I said I wouldn't buy him shit. She told me I have always been selfish and it set me off because after everything I did for her, she called me selfish and I threatened to skip her wedding.

She got so upset and ran to extended family (family who did nothing for us when we were kids) who all told me I was awful for making that threat. Ella even said I was cruel to even consider not showing.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/fedupwithmil on 2023-12-30 14:49:53+00:00.

So this is a complex situation and I will do my best to keep it short. My partner and I have been living with my MIL since the beginning of May. We had fallen on hard times and she agreed to allow us to move in to get back on our feet.

Despite the fact that she has a three bedroom house entirely to herself, she refused to make space for us in the main part of the house. So, we ended up fitting us and some of our things into the back corner of her freezing cold, unfinished basement. We got a storage unit that costs us almost $200 per month for the rest of our stuff because she didn’t want it there - it would have fit in our space, but she didn’t want to look at the clutter when she came down once a week to do laundry. She also wouldn’t allow our cats to come but luckily my friend took them in for the time being and we give her $30 per week for keeping them, plus of course paying for litter/food/care/etc. This was supposed to only be a couple of months.

When we moved in, we sat down together and she decided that $250 per month would be our rent, plus $150 toward utilities. We said okay and have been paying that every month. But since then, she has screamed at us weekly and talked crap to everyone who will listen about how we’re taking advantage of her and she’s “providing for us.” She does not buy us groceries or anything like that, so we were confused and finally asked what we were paying her for then. This was in September.

She said she has been paying the mortgage and all utilities on her own and has been putting all the money we’ve given her in an envelope as a moving fund. So things came to a head the other day because we are now starting to look for apartments and calculated that we should have about $3000 in that moving fund. We focused on paying down some of our debts so we don’t end up back in this situation again, because we trusted that she was saving this money. Now that we’re asking for it so that we can get moved, she has backtracked and said she’ll help with what she’s able to. After our huge argument about where all of this money is and why she would lie to us about it, she sent my partner and I a group text saying, “This text serves as your written 30 day notice and you WILL be out of my house by midnight on January 30.”

So now on top of freaking out about where the hell we’re going to go, we have multiple people in his family calling us ungrateful assholes for “everything she’s done for us.” I’m just so exhausted by this toxic situation and I have no idea if I’m the asshole for calling her out on it because it seems like I just totally screwed us over. This is also the shortened version of all the smoke and mirrors with money that she’s pulled over this time but this is already a novel.

Editing from a comment another Redditor said gives better context: Yes, we were saving since May. When we sat down for that convo in September, she demanded that I write down all of our debts and the entirety of our financial position, which I felt was fair given that she is helping us and could give advice since she’s done well for herself. She asked us what we had saved for the apartment and that’s how the agreement was come to about the moving fund. She advised us to put the money we had toward to high interest things we were paying down and then we came up with a plan together to tackle the rest of it. I really thought that we were all on the same page because she was being so awesome at that time. The conversation was “hey I’ve been putting away this money for you, don’t worry about it, pay this, this and this down.” The only thing that I can think of that changed was she spent time lately with her family that HATES that she’s helping us.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Charming_Doughnut523 on 2023-12-30 13:49:05+00:00.

Hello reddit longtime lurker first time poster

I (30F) got into an argument with my cousin(22F),uncle(72M) and aunt(67F) recently over something my cousin did(or didn’t do).So to give some information my cousin is kind of unreliable,spoiled and seen as the rainbow child in our family.Her parents did have her when they were old and had given up on having kids(They tried in their late 20’s and early 30’s but had 3 miscarriages)She could do no wrong in their eyes (they were pretty well off as well)She could do something that would land her Jail for 30 years to life and they would still come up with an excuse to defend her.She blew her college fund on parties,clothes,jewelry etc..and all her parents did was just give her more money which she blew in a month and told her whatever she thinks is best she does.So Jenna(Fake Name)around a year ago got into making realistic cakes and I must say despite my one-sided Beef with her she is really good at it and even on par with professionals,she could make a living out of it if she settled down.Christmas was coming up and they tasked everyone with something to do/make from home and just bring the food to the host’s house and just heat it up to make everything easier.Jenna was tasked with bringing the turkey,I clearly knowing she was going to mess it up asked if they’re sure about that,don’t they want to give it to someone more reliable and give Jenna a smaller task or just nothing at all.They all dismissed me and said calm down she’ll come through she won’t screw it up because she knows how important it is.So fast forward to christmas day everyone was arriving to the house but Jenna was a bit late.We facetimed her and she said she was in her car on her way and the turkey is very hot so there would be no need to heat it up.When Jenna arrived she placed the turkey down on the table and called everyone around to show them something.She had a knife her hand and was hovering over the turkey she put the knife through to reveal that it was a realistic cake (It was VERY realistic to be honest).All of our family clapped and said how talented she was.I asked her so where’s the real turkey?She responded with oh I didn’t have time to buy or bake it since my time was spent on the cake.I lost it and said how could you forget one of the major dishes that we need?You screwed up your college fund just like how you screwed up dinner.She began crying and her parents called me an asshole and said I ruined christmas.Half of the family is siding with my uncle and aunts and saying I didn’t have to shout at her while the others are saying i’m in the right.

So reddit AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cya-N1de on 2023-12-30 13:44:37+00:00.

The situation: Two years ago, on my birthday, my brother (13 years older than me) visited with his wife and two kids, 5 and 9. The 9yo started climbing onto cat furniture, and it started to wobble and screech, threatening to break down any moment. As neither my brother nor my SIL reacted, I calmly told her to stop and get off, then again, louder, because she just ignored me. As always when something wasn't the way she wanted, she started screaming and crying. My SIL literally took both the kids and my brother and left, later sending me nasty messages and calling me all the worst. Since then, my brother first started giving me mean comments about everything, followed by no longer contacting, ending in totally ignoring me when he surprisingly comes over to visit our parents.

Can't say I'm somehow super sad because of it. We never were too close because of the age gap and he never really did anything to be a brother to me.

It's hard for our parents though. No family gatherings, no celebrating holidays together. I told them I'm not going to force myself in somewhere they don't want me. Lately I've been continuously told to just let it go and pretend it never happened. I'm not doing it before they come their way to apologize to me. I don't think I did anything wrong, and yet not only my parents, but also other family members are giving me a hard time about it.

So: AITA for not wanting to let go on it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MFPOMERGRANATE on 2023-12-30 13:04:18+00:00.

I (20f) and my friend (Lucy-23f) have been drifting apart recently as she’s become obsessed with tiktok poetry and letting it dictate her life and relationships. The worst part was when she broke up with her boyfriend (Josh-21m) after he didn’t open a pomegranate in a ‘delicate’ way. MF IT’S A POMEGRANITE.

She came to me crying about it because Josh had called her deranged and I told her I agree. We didn’t talk like we used to for a few months or so until she told me she’d met someone on a dating app and wanted me to come have a few drinks with them on their first date. I said sure.

This guy (Max-20s) seemed so nice. At one point I asked what they were doing after this and he said if all goes well, they'd go back to her place. He then mentioned something about how she'd brought food to make a fruit and cheese plate and that she'd need his artist hands to cut the pomegranate.

I said 'oh just so you know, the pomegranate is a test. If you want this to work, you'll be as gentle with the fruit as possible. she broke up with her ex over this test.' He looked at me like I had 2 heads and asked if I was serious. I said yes. He said he knew she liked poetry and all that but didn't know she was that intense about it.

When she got back, everything went well until it was time for them to leave.

Lucy called me a few hours later asking me what I said to Max. Apparently as he was cutting the fruit, he accidently squished a grape and said 'oops, hope you don't break up with me haha' and it caused an argument where he told Lucy I had warned him about the 'test'. We got into an argument and I said 'Lucy, if you want to base your relationships on shitty tiktok poetry, go ahead but you will be hard pressed to find someone who fits all your weird expectations.'

She hung up and text me some long paragraph about her past relationships and how this poetry is giving her boundaries, etc and that I'm a bad friend for making fun of her. I have never made fun of her, just pointed out that real life isn't poetry.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fit-Plankton-8839 on 2023-12-30 11:23:45+00:00.

My10 year old son got a PlayStation for Christmas. My 4 year old nephew stuck a piece of ham in the disc part and tried to turn it on. He also dropped a controller on the hard floor damaging is very slightly. The PlayStation is okay but I rather my sister buy my son a new one and take this one. My sister said I was being ridiculous and that one is still fine. I told my sister unless she buys it I’m not having them over again.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwawayperiodque on 2023-12-30 10:27:03+00:00.

I am wondering if this was wrong of me. I'm dating a guy and normally we tell each other what we're up to, I told him that I was planning to go to crossfit but I was in pain from my period so I am staying home. Those were my exact words with no further details. He said that it was inappropriate of me to talk about such topics with him and that I shouldn't have mentioned this. I'm inexperienced and don't get out much so I'm wondering if it really was or is wrong to mention when you're on your period. Let me know.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BigInteraction3239 on 2023-12-30 09:49:39+00:00.

My husband and I bought a house when rates were very low, in a less than desirable location, and well under our means. My siblings were less than impressed with the location and had said they would never live in such a city, but good for us. Fast forward a year, the siblings that had originally judged the location moved in under the pretense that they needed a place to stay until they could get back on their feet. They also brought their families, so space was very cramped. Initially they could not pay into the mortgage, but after a few months we got into a groove and they started to contribute to “the rent.” My husband and I paid for the bills and about 50%-70% of the mortgage, and I saved their rent money to help in their eventual move. Fast forward another two years and my SO and I moved for work. We ended up purchasing a second home and left the first for my family to use until they got on their feet. This unfortunately meant they had to pay the full mortgage amount plus their bills as well. We refinanced to lower the payment and make it more manageable, but they have never paid the full amount and I ended up paying the remainder. Over the next two and a half years my credit cards have maxed out and my credit has taken a significant hit from making up the difference. I’ll also note that after buying the second home I quit my job to care for my LO. This was intentional. I’ve always been calculated with big life decisions, which is why I opted to have children later in life once I had secured an alternative form of income other than working. My intention was to use our first house as a rental property, though for obvious reasons this didn’t work out as planned. Well now we need to move again and we’ve decided to sell our first home as it has the most equity. Unfortunately, my siblings and their families are faced with the incredibly difficult task of finding a home at the price point they were renting my home for, and now I think they’re all upset with me (and maybe rightfully so). I’ve offered assistance but have yet to hear from them. Their silence has always been an issue as well because too many times have simple fixes around the house ballooned into more complex and expensive issues due to their lack of communication. I feel very bad for putting them in this position, but we simply can’t afford to house them any longer. They have no disabilities that stop them from getting jobs, they simply don’t have the skills, motivation or education to get high paying jobs. They also have a preference for living in more expensive locations than what they can reasonably afford, and they’ve made terrible financial decisions in the last few years (think buying a new car, then trading it in a couple of years later for another newer car, maintaining an expensive habit, etc). I’m also reluctant to allow them to stay in my second home, as that mortgage is higher than the one they already weren’t affording. So basically, AITA?