Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WetAndWildWren on 2023-12-30 00:36:28+00:00.

Not in the US

I (63f) recently lost my husband. He left all he has to me as he’s been estranged from his family for decades.

My husband was the stepdad of my two daughters Jane (38) and Ava (36) for 23 years (their bio dad passed shortly after Ava’s birth). They all had good relationships. Jane and Ava are now married with a child each and see us several times a year. They both live about an hour from my place.

The thing is, while Jane and her husband are doing OK financially, Ava’s husband is a surgeon with a private clinic of his own. They’re doing very well with a housekeeper taking care of their home and overseas vacation twice a year. They always pick up the bills whenever we go out, be it a restaurant or a family get together at a vacation spot.

Most significantly, my late husband was in poor health for a few years before passing. Ava’s husband took care of all medically related issues like connecting us with an expert, making sure we file documents correctly as well as paying for room upgrades from what was covered in the insurance. Without his help, my husband’s last years wouldn’t be as comfortable as they were. For Jane’s part, she and her husband visited more often when learning her stepdad was sick and helped out with a few things around the house that used to be under my husband’s care like mowing the lawn or fixing faulty devices.

I was writing my will and thought Ava should receive more inheritance because she’s been helping out more. I don’t have a lot to give but their stepdad left some lovely jewelry and a small rental property for me. I thought of splitting the jewelry between my girls but Ava would get the property and more money.

Ava and her husband are already in such a well off financial situation while Jane and her husband are just doing OK. Still, I want to show Ava how much I appreciate her help and want to pay her back somewhat, so WIBTA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cordelia98737 on 2023-12-29 21:28:27+00:00.

My ex (35m) and I (26f) have a 3 year old daughter together and we split up when she was under 1 year because of his mental issues. He is completely psychotic in relationships, but has always been good with her. I don’t want to say he is a “good father” but he is very good with her if that makes sense and they love each other.

I started dating my current bf(31m) shortly after I broke up with my ex and we have been together since. He got a really good job offer a few states away and he really wants to accept. I was all for it and excited until my friend told me it would be wrong of me to move because of my daughter. My ex and I still have some mutual friends and it has gotten around to them and to my ex. A lot of people think I am a horrible person for considering this. I’ve told my bf and told him I was having second thoughts. He is really mad at me now and thinks I’m choosing my ex over our family and future and that I don’t owe him anything. Almost everyone is mad at me. I could legally do this but would it be wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Concentration007 on 2023-12-29 19:52:38+00:00.

I and my wife have one child, a 28 yr old woman named Eri. We are a very close-knit family, and every holiday, we send out a video message to our extended family who all live in Australia. Both my parents and my wife’s mother are very conservative Christians, and they look forward to our messages every year. While they’re all very good people, they have some odd, very antiquated takes on fashion that really don’t mesh well with my daughter’s “live and let live” attitude. Also, we have been lying to our parents for years now and telling them that Eri remains a devout Christian, although she is now an atheist and she’s left the church way back when she was 19. I and my wife still pray that our daughter will come back to God soon.

So anyway, this year Eri came back home on the 20th, for Christmas celebrations (she left on the 22nd to visit her boyfriend in Boston) and to record our yearly video msg. For all our previous msgs, my daughter had dressed up in non-descript attire and she basically looked the way her grandparents wanted her to look. Nice and simple. But when she came home this year, I was somewhat disappointed to see that she had dyed her hair auburn/brownish (her natural hair color is black), and she had on a leather jacket that was opened up, pretty low-cut at the chest. Also, she had on some mascara. Her grandparents are so old-fashioned that although this kind of stuff is just normal for 2023, they wouldn’t have approved of it. The end result is that Eri sat out from our video, and although the night was supposed to be festive and celebratory, she just spent it pouting like a little girl. She refused to hug me and her mother and outright told us that she’s glad that she’s spending the holidays on the opposite coast of the country with her boyfriend. I got petty and I just told her that her mother and I are glad too.

Are my wife and I the assholes for not wanting to upset our parents? Take into account that my wife’s mother is 94 and my mom is 98 and dad turned 100 this November. Those were some different times back then, when they grew up.

EDIT: I don't know what it was like for my mother-in-law, but I feel like, at least for my parents, their conservatism can be understood if you knew what my great-grandparents were like. The stories mom and dad have of them.....my wife and I, as well as our siblings, have tried our best to break this tradition of overbearing-ness and uptight-ness, although we all voluntarily carry on the tradition of our faith in God (well, all of us, except for Eri).

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Killlllen on 2023-12-29 19:09:48+00:00.

She was really fond of me and really wanted to meet so we agreed upon a time. I had already mentioned ive been busy studying all week.

Yet when its 5 min left til our agreed upon time to meet i get a text that shell be 30 min late(not the first time she had been majorly late)!! She says its because she was sending a package and now is making herself ready… Ive already arrived after traveling 45 min to get there. I say fck it and go back home.

She arrives 37 min past our planned time and texts and calls where i am but i ignore her. After letting her waste 10 min of her time (to make a point) i explain where i am and she gets furious.

Now what makes me feel bad is that she had bought me christmas presents and sown me a scarf days before. Did i overdo it? Was i cruel or reasonably teaching her not to disrespect peoples time? Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TheArchitectDigest on 2023-12-29 18:31:53+00:00.

Context: I (25M) am part of a friend group who put together a trip to Vegas for the upcoming holiday. We initially invited our entire friend (10 girls or so). My girl friends did not want to participate in the trip (or have other plans). My girlfriend (24F) is not a part of that group of girls and her friends don’t have plans either. I felt really bad leaving her home alone on NYE. I know it’s like a faux pas to invite your girlfriend on a guys only trip. Any other weekend I wouldn’t, but the NYE traditions make me feel really bad about leaving her. She is coming at the moment.

Edit: I spoke with my friends and they were cool about it. She was relieved I invited her bc she wanted to spend NYE with me.

Edit 2: I would say thank you, my sister largely pointed me to poise this scenario. She says IATA for ruining the vibe of the trip. I needed the sanity check. Thank you all

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/OkStress7408 on 2023-12-29 16:58:59+00:00.

I(34F) and my child (3F) have lived with my mum (67F) since my daughter was born. My husband (40M) and I lost our jobs the same day of our wedding and have been struggling since. In some parts of Africa, we believe in witchcraft and voodoo and it turned out my two SILs are the cause of our predicament. My husband is not lazy and has been trying everything to get a job but to no avail so he does petty jobs to support us as I supported us from the start with my savings then. Now cut to the matter at hand. My husband lives with a distant relative and my mum has been of amazing help to me and my daughter right from the hospital. But recently, she keeps lashing out at my husband about not being a man and that he shouldn't call himself married if he can't live with his wife and child. My mum knows our situation better than anyone else as she got our backs when it happened. What he does and I do is not enough to get us by let alone rent a place. I have tried to make my mum see reason and stop depressing my husband as he already is stressed with our predicament. He in my part of Africa, rooms are rented and you have to pay advance rent of 2 years and above before you can get a place. Renting will cost us about $1500 to $2000 for 2 years not to talk of utilities. A month ago my mum went at my husband again when he had just visited us for the first time in 3 months and I saw the light go out in my husband so I ended up pulling my mom to the side and yelling at her for doing that when she knows he's trying hard for us already.

But with no savings and living from hand to mouth, I can't move out from my mom's anytime soon.

For the past few weeks even though I have apologised to my mum and we good, I still feel like I went too far by yelling at her when all she wants is the best for me. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/olajansson99 on 2023-12-29 16:40:39+00:00.

I (M17), for the record, have ASD, depression, ADHD and a major intolerance for children. I have an M37 brother with two kids, Niece(4) and Nephew(7).

I have no idea how to write this post but I’ll try my best. English is also not my first language.

My brother is visiting with his two kids, for simplicity I’ll call them Ni(ece) and Ne(phew). My brother’s fianceé and him separated about a year ago, so it’s just him and them visiting. He is a somewhat good dad, setting boundaries and limiting them, though he is also suffering from some mental issues and often gets very stressed out.

The last week they’ve been visiting I’ve without fail been woken up at 7 AM (I am a night owl as that is the only time I get to be alone and not disturbed) due to both kids screaming, bouncing around and slamming doors. I have no idea if this is normal behavior for a 4 and 7 year old, but it’s driving me insane. I’ve talked to my brother, who tries his best to stop them, but obviously he can’t stop them when it’s already happened.

Due to this, I get a little angry in the mornings and I am also very tired, so I keep to my room for a while. I also have no will to be around them, because I don’t even know how to talk or interact with them, and I don’t know that with any of my family members (not even parents or brothers) nor younger friends. I just keep away from them a bit, though I of course eat dinner with them, and most of the time play with them if they ask me. Yet both my brother and my mom (57) are asking of me to come down all the time and getting angry at me for staying in my room. I feel uncomfortable being downstairs as I genuinely do not want to interact with them in form of playing, hearing them babble about mobile games, nor hearing toys thrown around the room and screams (I’m sound sensitive). I also have a short temper and do not want them to see me angry at them.

I feel a bit like an ass because I don’t hang out with them while they’re visiting, but I genuinely don’t see reason to. When I was a kid, I was fine playing by myself, especially when I was 7.

AITA,reddit?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Same_Introduction_59 on 2023-12-29 16:11:59+00:00.

To start the story, this guy was selling Fortnite accounts. The account was decently stacked and I offered $40. After this happened he sent fake credentials and blocked me on everything. I was really scared at the time cuz I knew I probably wouldn’t get the money back. In his bio he had his friend’s account and he turns out to be live. I ask if he knows him and he does and I told him he scammed me. Turns out this guy has no heart, he scammed the guy that was streaming cuz he did something for him and received no payment. He told me how the scammer had literally no sympathy for anyone and just laughed when he scammed others and why people would even do business with him. So that confirms the fact that he’s a scumbag and I’m not gonna get the money back. Since I knew he played for a pro team however, I just reported him to them and suddenly he has a heart and only offers to give $25 back. I told him to send $40 and he does but he forgets to cancel the initial $25. Now he’s in my dms telling me to give it back. Was I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/steph1million on 2023-12-29 16:08:16+00:00.

So I'm living in an apartment for the first time since I was a teenager after selling my house (bad breakup, court battle.. blah blah) I figured it was common sense to be quiet, clean andnl respectful of my neighbors but apparently, other people didn't get the memo. I've, so far, told off 4 neighbors (on my floor of 12 units) for being loud in the hallway. One neighbor lets their toddler play in the hallway at 7 in the morning, one was screaming at their kid with their door open at 7am, one is scared of my dog and won't go near her (20 lb Jack Russell) and the last one was this morning. The guy at the end of the hall was walking up and down the hallway for exercise. He then started talking on the phone while walking up and down the hallway. For a half hour at 8:30am before I went out and told him no one wanted to listen to his phone conversation. I've never been mean about it, just to the point. Should I be keeping my mouth shut? I'm probably making a lot of enemies in the building

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/itszybitszyspiderta on 2023-12-29 15:03:11+00:00.

My (28F) bf (31M) and I live in a non-western country. I am from the said country but my bf is from a western country and came here a few years ago.

New Years is a very important holiday in my country, like Christmas in the west, where families gather to spend time together. My parents invited me and my bf to spend the holidays over at their place, and we both agreed to go. My bf speaks his native language and English. My parents speak the language of our country and my dad speaks very fluent English while my mother’s English is not so great.

While going to my parents’ place, I received messages from my high school friends to meet up. There’s four of us and we are a very close friend group from high school. We haven’t seen each other since onset of COVID since one of my friends was living in another city and we couldn’t all gather together. They wanted to get together while I am around my hometown and go grab dinner on one day. It was a day that I was free with nothing planned with my family/bf.

Here is where I may have been an asshole. I was so eager to see my friends that I immediately said yes without consulting anyone. I checked with my parents and they were ok with cooking and taking care of my bf while I am away for a few hours to grab dinner with my friends. I then asked my bf, completely assuming that he’d be ok with it, but he immediately got very upset. He said that I was the one who brought him to my hometown to my parents’ place and it is rude for me to just ditch him to go meet up with my friends. He said that I should either not go, bring him along to the meet up, or he will head back to our home by himself. He said that I should prioritize important relationships (such as ours) over friends that I haven’t seen for years.

In his culture, it is normal to bring significant others to see family/friends. But in my country, it is not common to see even the wife/husband of your friend. For example, in weddings, usually only the friends of the bride/groom is invited and not their spouses unless the spouse is also a friend. In this instance, where there is already an established circle of friends, it would be kind of rude to try and introduce someone new, even a bf, and I don’t want to trespass the boundaries of my friends. They also don’t speak English so communication would be a problem too.

I tried to come up with compromises, like my parents having dinner with my bf (since they can communicate and we have visited before and they have a pretty good relationship) or we hangout around my meet up place and i can book a restaurant for him just for the time I am gone. But he doesn’t want that and he wants me to cancel the meeting or bring him along. I do feel bad about leaving him for the couple of hours and I understand that in his culture you would normally bring your SO to your friend gatherings.

So i want to know if I am an asshole for not accommodating to what is normal in his culture and making him be alone to go see my friends for one night.

EDIT: the part about bringing SO to see friends was worded badly and confused a lot of people so I edited it to make it more clear.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowAway38292082 on 2023-12-30 08:41:59+00:00.

I M19 have an online friend F17 that I’ve “known” for 5+ years. We aren’t super close or anything but we send game pigeon games back and forth and occasionally play online games together, that’s the extent of the friendship. I started dating my girlfriend F19 a few months ago and recently she’s been getting upset that I still text my friend, and today she told me that she wants me to block her and she makes her uncomfortable. Like I said I’m not super close with her or anything and we don’t text daily or anything but I have known her for 5 years now and I feel like I shouldn’t have to block her. I can understand where my girlfriend is coming from but it’s really nothing to be worried about and no matter what I say she says I’m “choosing my friendship with her over my relationship with my GF”. AITA for not feeling like I should need to block her?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TaxFinal2294 on 2023-12-30 08:41:40+00:00.

Alright guys and gals, we have a family member who has lived in our house for almost 8 months rent free. This person does not contribute to the household in anyway shape or form. Let’s call this person Sally for the sake of this post.

Here is a little bit of backstory: we let her move into our house in order to get back on her feet from a failed relationship. At the time, we did not know she had 35000 dollars given to her. Long story short, her and her newborn have lived with us since the child was born.

The father left her and the child within a week of the child’s birth. The father has a track record of this kind of behavior, and she is the third woman he has done this to. He also has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. The father has recently been given rights to see the child every other weekend. Well, tonight, Sally decided it would be okay to let him try and spend the night without our permission. We have indicated to Sally before that we do not want this man staying the night at our house. We asked her to have him leave, and she refused to do so. It resulted in a big blow up, and frankly I lost my cool. I am all for the father getting to spend time with his child. I just don’t want him spending the night. Sally threatened to sue us. Am I in the wrong here? I told her he is free to see the child as much as he wants. He just can’t spend the night.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Outrageous_Log_2226 on 2023-12-30 08:33:54+00:00.

So I (19F) have a best friend that we will call Ruth (19NB) and their partner that we will call Jade (18F). Now I have known Ruth for over 6 years and we have been best friends for a long time. We have seen each other through high school and have honestly gone through a lot. Now Ruth and Jade started dating last year in January and that’s when I started developing a close friendship with Jade. We will often hangout without Ruth and have really gotten to know each other this past year. Now I just recently had a conversation with Ruth on how they wanted to take things to the next level and wanted my advice on how to approach that conversation with Jade. I gave my two cents and moved on. However today Jade asked to talk to me and revealed that she was wanting to break up with Ruth. She was asking for some advice on how to do it as to not hurt them too much. I completely understand her reasoning and that she has come to the realization that Ruth wants to take the relationship to the next level and she doesn’t feel the same way and has realized her love to be more of a friendship. I am just worried on how much this will crush Ruth and I feel I should tell them before tomorrow when Jade plans to disclose this information. I know Ruth and know that they will need a lot of time to process this and will get very emotional during the breakup and I feel bad as a friend for knowing this information and not telling my best friend. I feel I am all they have left as they recently had a falling out with another close friend and then this breakup I feel will crush them. I also feel I should wait and let Jade tell them but I feel like such a bad friend either way to both of these people I am wondering which one is the least AH move.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/donburidog on 2023-12-30 08:15:32+00:00.

This isn’t a long, complex story; it’s just been bothering me and weighing me down morally since it happened, and I genuinely can’t tell if me feeling this bad about what I did is warranted. My friends and I were in the city, and it was a really busy day. We stepped out of a shop and onto the street - which was relatively narrow and roadside. Before we could even begin to move with the flow of foot traffic, a woman and her family pushed us aside and walked past; but not before she snapped “excuse me, we were walking!” in an aggravated, offended voice. I hate to use the term, but she was a karen to a tee: white, middle aged, and with a bleached blonde bob. For a moment, we were shocked, as we had literally JUST stepped onto the street, but then my reflexes kicked in, and I yelled “WOMP WOMP” at her, before immediately pulling my friends into another shop. I got one last look at her, though, and she was looking back at me as if I’d called her something obscene. It felt good for about one second, but then I felt awful about my response; after all, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Especially because, as a racial minority, I sort of feel a responsibility to uphold the good image in public; I can’t stop thinking about how there’s probably one more white family out there that thinks brown people are caustic and rude because of my reflex action. AITA for not holding my tongue or saying sorry, and responding in an impolite way? I think I am, my friends and family think I’m not, but I want an unbiased opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Intelligent_War_1367 on 2023-12-30 08:14:57+00:00.

AITA in this scenario

Me and my husband has been married for 6 years, and together a total of 12 years. We are both jealous people, even though we know both of us won't do anything to betray the other. I am probably more jealous than him and this is something I definitely need to work on.

When my husband gets upset he takes days before he feels better and would then give me the silent treatment. He's not one to apologise as he generally feels he is right for feeling and reacting the way he does. I on the other hand gets upset quickly, but just as quick feel remorseful and apologise for my behaviour.

He has a really close relationship with his mother, even though she has tried numerous times to come between us.

Recently we moved 300km's away from family and things have been going really well in our relationship.

In the past (1year + ago)I have snooped on his phone, not necessarily to see if he's cheating on me but more to verify whether him and his mom is hiding anything from me....long story, terrible history.

A few nights ago he borrowed my phone and snooped on my phone. He then sent screenshots of messages between myself and male colleagues where I am friendly yet professional and it's been two days now that he hasn't spoken to me.

Here's the details of the messages: Male Colleague: Hi. Currently busy with handover for Sam for the next 2 weeks. The Management team lunch on Tuesday - Not sure if Sam should go along, asked that he should just hear from the boss tomorrow.

Me: thank you, enjoy your vacation

Male Colleague: Thank you, have a nice rest by the sea 😉

Me: The right way to rest 😁

Me: Morning, how are you? Hope you are well rested. Could you please print the boss the meeting pack for today, I understand there is no secretary on site this week..

Male Colleague: Hi. Going well thanks. How is things going there? That's right I will print for him.

2nd message: Male Colleague: Tomorrow we play golf in your town

Me: Yes, I saw..my poor boss is specially driving back from Jo'burg this afternoon to come and give you a beating.

Male Colleague: A beating you say. Good to know🤣 When can I come and steal you from your boss?

Me: you are going to have to go through my boss, he doesn't seem terribly willing to let me go

Male Colleague: Then I have to promote you and give you more money

Me: You make it sound very easy 🙈

Male Colleague: Easy. Get your husband a job here

Me:I just don't want to stay in the neighbouring town

Male Colleague: 🤣🤣🤣 i hear you We currently live in a bigger area

Was I inappropriate on these messages?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/troybolton_14 on 2023-12-30 08:07:46+00:00.

I (51f) am the second youngest child of 8. Growing up there was a constant unfairness and favoritism between my siblings from my parents. My sister “Cathy”, who I am 18 months apart from, and I would always get the short end of the stick when we were younger. Cathy and I got pulled out of private school and put into public high school so my parents could pay for my older sister’s university. In high school, I participated in many things like ASB and swimming, but my parents never showed up for anything or give us rides to school so we had to walk. When it came time for applying to college, my parents only gave Cathy and I two options: community college or a university that my two older brothers went to.

In 2015, my dad (82m) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. When his condition got worse in 2016, I would visit daily. He passed away in late May of 2016. After he passed, the favoritism from my mom got even worse since my dad would normally mitigate it.

Fast forward to 2021, my mom (83f) began planning on how her possessions would be dispersed after she passes. She called all of the siblings up to her house so that we could make lists and plan on who received what. Many people wrote lengthy lists that she promised they would receive. I wanted a few sentimental items, photos of my parents, and a specific ring that my mother owns called the ‘mother’s ring’ that has the birthstones of all of her children. When I gave her my list, she told me that if I wanted the ring, it would be the only thing I would inherit, and beforehand she would remove it’s stones and give them to other siblings. This sparked an emotional argument, as I asked for much less than other people, and she said I didn’t deserve more. We started bringing up things from the past, with me mentioning how she mistreated me, and she completely blew me off. I then tearfully told her I wished she had died instead of our father, because he would have treated his children much more fairly in this situation. This hurt her greatly because she has never recovered from the loss of her husband, and despite her behavior she does love all of her children.

After this happened, our relationship was never the same. We didn’t speak for many months and every time I would see her, I would only say hello and goodbye. She hasn’t apologized for what she has done in the past or about the mother’s ring. I do feel like what I said was harsh but I won’t apologize for it since I think someone needed to give her a reality check for how bad she has treated some of the siblings and it was a moment of pent up resentment I held down for many years.

Even now, my mom’s plan is to only give me the mother’s ring with no stones in it and nothing else.

So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throw-away-867-5309 on 2023-12-30 07:37:42+00:00.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

My girlfriend is not always great about showering super regularly. Now I don’t shower daily either (especially in the winter, it’s not good for my skin), so this isn’t me being super-judgmental, but I’m talking about regularly going 4+ days without a shower. Hey, whatever. If we aren’t going anywhere, I’m not even going to judge that very harshly because with my office closed this week I’ve been on vacation and have definitely gotten a little gross myself.

For a while now I’ve generally been able to remind her to shower or ask her and that gets the hint across that: yo, you need to shower. But I’ve been getting more and more pushback. Earlier tonight the fight we had happened because we’re leaving town to drive and go see her grandparents and we’re going to be in the car for like 5 hours. So I asked if she was showering tonight or in the morning, trying to plan because I def. need a shower too, and she said she wasn’t planning on one. It’s been, I believe (I don’t keep a calendar) since Tuesday when she showered last. Maybe Monday. I kinda lost it, and said I shouldn’t have to tell her that going 4-5 days without a shower when we’re going out wasn’t ok. She was instantly mad that I brought it up at all and stormed off to bed. I followed up with a text that basically said ‘I couldn’t believe she was throwing a tantrum because I told her she shouldn’t go 4 days without a shower, and that while I started off trying to be gentle about it, she needed to take the hint, and that continuing to refuse to shower after someone says: ‘hey I can smell you’ is acting like a child. I’ve watched countless parents have this fight with (usually) their sons, it seemed like an apt comparison.

She’s upset that was “disrespectful” and that I “called her a child” (I said acting like one). I said I was upset that I had to remind a grown adult to do basic grooming tasks. So Reddit, AITA? I just don’t want to ride in a stinky car for hours on end and then go hang out with folks while my GF has actual cartoon smell lines coming off of her.

edit: before anyone gets off on a “it’s depression” tangent. Yeah, no shit. She’s been on meds for that and another issue for a while, and while I’ve had a fuck-ton of conversations with her about continuing to speak with her doc about which ones and their dosage because it seems to me that it’s not a problem that is currently under control, that has been a COMPLETE non-starter. Won’t even be considered. I do get it, the arguably bigger mental health issue she has IS well maintained currently, so I get that she’s scared to rock the boat, but fuck…

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DangerousFerret9 on 2023-12-29 11:03:33+00:00.

First time posting, please be kind. Also non-native speaker.

My partner (25m) and I (27m) spend the 25th with his family. On the 26th we would have a small celebration with my mother and younger brother. We also planned for our families to meet for the first time on the 28th, however we had to cancel because of unforeseen circumstances. I took my boyfriend back to his family since we were already on the way and I spent the rest of the holidays with my mother and brother

For the rest of the 26th and the morning of the 27th I was in a pretty bad mood, but not outright hostile or anything. I just kept to myself mostly. My mom asked me to help her with some stuff which I was fine with (she wanted everything done before the end of the year). 10 minutes into helping her she gets really angry and says something like "If you are just gonna be grumpy all the time I don't want your help, you're awful for being so mean to me! It's not my fault we had to cancel!"

I told her again that I don't blame her, but that this situation sucked and I think that it's understandable that I am not in the best mood. Well, it escalated a bit and I left the same day.

Important Info: It was my first christmas with my boyfriend, so it was especially important to me.

I think i might be the asshole because I could have sucked it up for her (she's an amazing mom and usually very understanding).

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/_Pig on 2023-12-29 08:17:22+00:00.

I (20NB) am a college student who works 2 jobs on campus. One of these is an on campus fast food place run by my manager Steven (not his real name, but is the same guy from a previous story I posted here). The workplace has a group chat that's meant to discuss work things (such as scheduling, shift swapping, etc). The fast food place is also closed during winter break (which is December 8th to January 5th this year) so most of us are unemployed during that time period. Anyway, on December 20th my manager had posted what appeared to be an ad for a remote job with flexible scheduling and basically sounded way too good to be true, especially for a bunch of broke college students.

Anyway, I ended up being gullible enough to text the phone number that was listed in the ad. Long story short, my "interview" ended up being in a Zoom meeting and I got picked as one of the people they wanted to "hire" essentially because I smiled the whole time. They then wanted me to give them $49 to pay for "training". Foolishly, I gave in and paid the money because I was seeing the opportunity through rose tinted glasses. Then afterwards you pay another $25 which was allegedly the "special holiday rate" to further continue. I complied and there were a few more red flags afterwards that further pointed to this being a textbook pyramid scheme (which I had finally figured out today).

Now at this point I'm considering asking my manager to answer a few questions in a phone call (which I intend on recording as I live in a one party consent state in the U.S.). The point of making it a phone call rather than a text conversation is to force him to answer my questions in real time, rather than allowing him to potentially get answers from further up the chain. So that brings me to here. Would I be the asshole for doing this?

Edit: Whoops, did not realize I'd made a massive wall of text that's difficult to read. Edited to break it up a bit.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ill-Cicada-7626 on 2023-12-30 07:56:48+00:00.

Hello everyone,

I recently got into an argument with a classmate. This all started junior year I met this girl she was nice but I had no romantic feelings and neither did she it was strictly platonic

Around January of last year she asked if I was gay. I told her I wasn’t which she seemed to accept but throughout the coming months more and more people began to ask and every time someone did around her she would give them a wink like I was lying.

I allowed this to go on until this year where I set a hard boundary and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it. In November I had a spiteful person reveal to a lot of people that I was questioning my sexuality. And since then she kept asking and asking more about it until I snapped and told her to stop asking and if I wanted to reveal it I would.

Her and a few people around me all said I was the asshole. I disagreed as I was just standing on my boundary that I set a while back and I’ve been wondering who is the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/itzelc92 on 2023-12-30 07:29:14+00:00.

Hey guys, so about two years ago I had a boyfriend that passed away and I was with him over ten years. He had a little brother I met as a kid and now he’s in college and since the death we kept in touch and we see each other as brother and sister. I don’t keep in contact with my own shitty family and I was happy to be in contact with him every few months. I live alone with my mom coming to stay sometimes for weeks and my bf comes weekends. I’ve been with the bf for months and before that we knew each other too. So I tell my bf right away that the brother wants to come and visit me probably because it’s the month of the anniversary of the death, and my mom will be here too and we don’t see each other that way, etc. His issue is me keeping in contact with my dead boyfriend’s family. I told him he’s never gone through the same thing so he doesn’t understand. But he says if I keep in contact that he’s walking out. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAH-TA-5388 on 2023-12-30 07:20:14+00:00.

So my wife (39F) and I (38F) have a friend (35M) who is absolutely hooked on his phone. Looks at it during mealtimes - perhaps my biggest pet peeve - but also just on an ad-hoc basis when socialising with people more generally. He often seems disengaged and not very present as a result.

Meal time, when we invite him over for dinner at ours, is my biggest pet peeve because this behaviour sets a terrible example for our 11 year old daughter.

Recently he was over for dinner, and I joked that I'd have to get him enrolled in Google Family Link. My wife and I have Android phones, as does our daughter, so we use it for our daughter's phone. He happens to have an Android phone as well.

Anyway, he grinned and actually put his phone away for the rest of dinner.

We had him over once again last night. Before we sat down for dinner we were socialising in the loungeroom and it was the same deal: head in his phone despite (technically) being an active participant in our conversation.

I made the same joke again, which got a giggle out of my wife and our daughter. This time, he laughed too - and then said 'Sure, go ahead - I don't think you'll actually do it though'.

The moment he said this my wife was grinning again, because she knew that him saying something like that would goad me into doing it for real.

So I said 'Are you sure? You'll have all of the same rules and restrictions as our daughter'. He snickered at this and said 'Okay!'.

And that was that. I had him go into his Google account settings, and we updated his year of birth so that it was the same year of birth as my daughter. Moments later Google was encouraging him to 'find a parent to help', and several minutes later I had gotten him all set up as a supervised account in Family Link.

To be fair, I was very transparent about what would happen before doing it, and he facilitated it.

Whether this is because he didn't fully consider just what it would mean or not, I don't know. Perhaps he thought it'd be easily bypassed.

He was certainly surprised when he found YouTube Kids had replaced the regular YouTube app, and very surprised when he discovered that our daughter - and now he - has browsing limited to an allow-list of websites.

Ten minutes later, it was dinner time... And I couldn't help but giggle as I watched my wife take her phone out of her pocket, open the Family Link app, and then lock both of their phones.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pikagiallo on 2023-12-30 07:18:06+00:00.

I'm a CNA in a nursing home and the other day me and a coworker from another floor (let's call her Lisa) worked together with the extra help of another CNA. We had one less unit working so it was a very busy day.

The extra CNA (let's call her Maria) had some serious health problems in the past so she can't lift heavy weights or overstrain, so she usually takes care of the easier residents who can walk and help themselves at least a little bit.

So me and Lisa went and got the heavier and combative residents up while Maria went by herself and got up the easier ones. Thing is, Lisa took a lot of smoke breaks and had to call her daughter in between of our work so I ended up taking care of more people by myself while also helping her with lifting the ones she took care of; so we wasted a lot of time and were slower than usual because of this.

When we were done it turns out Maria ended up getting up even some of the residents she wasn't supposed to, and more than the number she usually does everyday, and I was a bit taken aback honestly. But she didn't say anything to me, and we just talked normally during our break.

A few days later I'm on that floor again and another coworker of mine (who's friends with Maria) told me that Maria is mad because we made her work double the amount and she was very tired after. She told me it's not fair and that we should be ashamed of ourselves.

I'm feeling guilty because she could have problems because of the overstraining, and also because I was late to reach her in the other hallway to help her; but I honestly didn't know she was almost done with all those residents, as I was busy in the other hallway while Lisa left me alone lots of times with the heavier residents.

Also, when Maria went into the other hallway she said she would just get up 3 of the easier residents, not that she would do almost the whole hallway by herself, so how was I supposed to know? I would never tell her to work more than she should do or to do something she can't physically do.

So now everybody on the floor is complaining about me and Lisa; Maria even told my coworker that she will probably go talk to the manager about this.

Honestly I don't care. They can fire me, but I feel guilty and at the same time a bit wronged because I never told her to do the extra work she did, she could've just come along with us and help us make beds or easier things like these. That's what she usually does with other coworkers, so I really was not expecting this to happen.

I didn't think about checking on her in the middle of work. Maybe I should have, I don't know. I feel guilty because I was unaware of it and people now think I did it on purpose.

So AITA for "making" her work a lot more than she was supposed to?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fun-Acadia288 on 2023-12-30 07:15:51+00:00.

Bit of context me (16F) and my brother (24M) were always close growing up. But some where along the lines are relationship changed. We got into alot more arguments and fights.

In August some stuff happend and my brothers ex girlfriend and his best friend came and slept on my mother's sofa's. Let's just say my brother found out and had a complete melt down. And it didn't go so well.

Well fast forward a week or two and I was meant to stay at my brothers house so I could look after his child the next day he agreed to this and said everything was fine. Well it was not beacause when he got home from work on the day I was meant to be staying he was ignoring me. His ex asked him if he was okay and his response was 'I will be when she was gone'

So I asked him what I did. And the response I got was 'I don't have to explain myself to a child' which cause a massive argument with me asking him how that was fair and him threating to throw heavy object at my face. I don't remember exactly what I said but it caused him to start shouting in my face. And when he saw I wasn't scared he screamed at me to get the fuck out of his house or he was going to call the police and have me removed

Now this is where I may be the asshole. I told him I would leave if he told me what I had done wrong and that he was being pathetic and throw a temper tantrum like a child.

So my question is, AITA in this situation

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Affectionate_Run4004 on 2023-12-30 07:04:10+00:00.

My friend and I (both 24F) have been friends since 9th grade. We've been very close for years. She was always around. She dated my husband's best friend and we spent every weekend together for many months, however, he passed away in January of 2020. Since then, we've rarely hung out (except for a few occasions like her cabin party 2 years ago) She treated my husband's friend dirty while they were dating so my husband doesn't like her much considering how she was toward his friend, but I've tried to reach out many times to hangout or see how she's doing and just keep up with her, but she never reaches out to me first. I've not spoken to her since July.. I'm married and have a son, and she's got a boyfriend and moved to a new house (I've never been to) so I know life is busy, but I still talk to my "busier" friends frequently. I decided a few months ago that I wasn't going to reach out to her first anymore to see if she would reach out to me. She hasn't. I forgot to wish her a happy birthday (in October) and decided against it after remembering the day had passed knowing she'd probably get mad that I was late with it. I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for not reaching out first, since the only time we talk, it's me that starts the conversation and even then I feel like I'm waiting hours or days to hear back. I love her dearly, but I'm starting to think maybe it's better to not have someone in my life that always makes me start the conversation? Am I wrong? If so, how do I reach out after this long?