Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PreferenceDue5453 on 2023-12-30 06:54:33+00:00.

I 51 m meet my wife 52 Jane ,she had my stepdaughter Amelia. Bio dad died. I was the only Dad she knew. However Amelia bio dad, mother was very active in Amelia life, which I didn't mind. I raised and loved her as my own. She called me dad. She was a good kid. Intelligent and charming. Me and Jane had more children. Amelia often went to her grandmother house on the weekends and holidays.

6 months before Amelia turned 18, her grandmother died. Amelia found out her grandmother left her alot of money. But she could not access it until she was 18. When she found out about the money her attitude did a complete switch. She started disrespecting our rules and when we tried to pull her in, she just told us she be 18 soon and she won't need us anymore. She also started bullying her siblings and when we intervened she called us poor and said that we were beneath her. Now me and my wife aren't wealthy, but we do make a decent living between us that allows us to live comfortably.

We tried to sit her down, and talk about therapy and also tried to bring up how she can use the money wisely, but she refused therapy and yelled at me that I wasn't her father and I don't get to tell her what to do. That hurt! She was an absolute nightmare during thoses 6 months. Her siblings were afraid of her at that point. Anything we said was meet with disrespect. When she turned 18 she got access to the money. And she didn't move out right away like she had been threathing to do but instead started calling us all her slaves and said she was richer then us all. We ended up kicking her out when she destroyed her siblings tablet because he refused to give it to her to use. She said she didn't care. She left and went NC with us. My wife cried and the following weeks we tried to keep tabs on her, but Amelia found out and threatened to call the police on us for stalking so we gave up. Ngl it was a relief she was gone.

Then after a year, she called my wife crying. We find out she's homeless and broke and she wants to come home. My wife wanted to go pick her up immediately, but I was against it and said if we go get her now what's stopping her from treating us all the same before she left? I don't want her back here! My wife called me cruel and heartless and left to go get her anyway. Maybe I am being cold hearted? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Apprehensive-Ebb3939 on 2023-12-30 04:34:44+00:00.

I'm the only childless sister in my family, but I love my nephews and even though I live 75% of the year busy or out of town, I love spending time with them when I'm on vacation or have free weekends. And they love it too, in my house there are a lot of video games (PS5, Xbox, Nintendo) and a swimming pool, so it's very common on my holidays or at the end of the year for them to stay at my house a lot. I don't mind, they don't mind and the parents are grateful.

My nephews are between 7-10 y (4 in total), it's not just a weekend of bad food, but we have pizza night, there are some sweets, but I try to maintain a balance.

I have a sister who lives outside the country and has a son (4M).

I only see her at the end of the year and this year is the second year that I have seen my nephew. And he's more fun I think, he's talking more, more playful and I love him so much.

Well, this Saturday/Sunday I agreed to have a pajama party with all my nephews and everyone is excited. I sent my invitation to all the parents, including this sister of mine via message (this on Wednesday).

On Thursday, she said, paraphrased "(nephew name) would love it. But some rules we have established are that he shouldn't play for more than 2 hours, he must be in bed until 8 PM, no sugar after 6 PM, bath until 6 PM" and some minor rules I asked if these rules were serious and when she said yes, I stressed that I wasn't babysitting my nephews, that I would take care of them and ensure their care, but I wouldn't control their schedule, how much candy they eat, etc.

She started saying that if I want to have a 4 year old, I should wait for rules and that she wasn't being so demanding because he is a small child.

I lost a little patience and said that if she wants to control this, she should hire a babysitter for her son here at home, because I'm not in the mood to be a babysitter the way she wants and it's supposed to be a fun night , not regulated.

She didn't like it, saying that it wasn't much of what she asked for and if I offered to stay with a 4y, I should expect more rules and that I was being unfair in excluding a nephew from the others.

My mother is on my sister's side, saying that it wasn't an impossible request, as I would have to pay more attention to him anyway, but my father stood by me because I already have 4 children and that I decide if it's too much. or not.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Apprehensive-Ebb3939 on 2023-12-30 04:34:44+00:00.

I'm the only childless sister in my family, but I love my nephews and even though I live 75% of the year busy or out of town, I love spending time with them when I'm on vacation or have free weekends. And they love it too, in my house there are a lot of video games (PS5, Xbox, Nintendo) and a swimming pool, so it's very common on my holidays or at the end of the year for them to stay at my house a lot. I don't mind, they don't mind and the parents are grateful.

My nephews are between 7-10 y (4 in total), it's not just a weekend of bad food, but we have pizza night, there are some sweets, but I try to maintain a balance.

I have a sister who lives outside the country and has a son (4M).

I only see her at the end of the year and this year is the second year that I have seen my nephew. And he's more fun I think, he's talking more, more playful and I love him so much.

Well, this Saturday/Sunday I agreed to have a pajama party with all my nephews and everyone is excited. I sent my invitation to all the parents, including this sister of mine via message (this on Wednesday).

On Thursday, she said, paraphrased "(nephew name) would love it. But some rules we have established are that he shouldn't play for more than 2 hours, he must be in bed until 8 PM, no sugar after 6 PM, bath until 6 PM" and some minor rules I asked if these rules were serious and when she said yes, I stressed that I wasn't babysitting my nephews, that I would take care of them and ensure their care, but I wouldn't control their schedule, how much candy they eat, etc.

She started saying that if I want to have a 4 year old, I should wait for rules and that she wasn't being so demanding because he is a small child.

I lost a little patience and said that if she wants to control this, she should hire a babysitter for her son here at home, because I'm not in the mood to be a babysitter the way she wants and it's supposed to be a fun night , not regulated.

She didn't like it, saying that it wasn't much of what she asked for and if I offered to stay with a 4y, I should expect more rules and that I was being unfair in excluding a nephew from the others.

My mother is on my sister's side, saying that it wasn't an impossible request, as I would have to pay more attention to him anyway, but my father stood by me because I already have 4 children and that I decide if it's too much. or not.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Borderline_confused on 2023-12-30 01:34:05+00:00.

So my girlfriend and I have been having issues lately. Details aren’t important, we are both to blame. However we have tried to bring the romance in and today I bought her flowers. She doesn’t really care for flowers but I thought maybe this time since it was a really cute bundle she would like it. Well she got mad because she thinks it’s rude to buy flowers without a vase, no thank you. Just that I’m an asshole because now she has to find them a vase. She thinks it’s more polite to give them to her with them being in a vase already. I think it’s a bit rude of her but not sure.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LittleSureFires on 2023-12-30 00:51:30+00:00.

Hey, everyone; I’ve (32M) recently found myself in a rather sticky situation, and would really appreciate some impartial judgment.

My wife (36F) and I recently wed, blending my toddler-aged son (3M) with her own wonderful son (12M). And, while we’ve been trying our best to create a harmonious environment, a recent incident has caused some tension.

The other day, we had a family gathering at our house, and I took a candid photo of the event. In the background of the picture, my toddler is visible, while his big brother isn’t (not on purpose; I didn’t even realize my toddler was in it himself). I posted the picture on social media without giving it much thought, as it was a sweet moment.

However, shortly after posting, my stepson approached me and expressed his hurt feelings. He told me that seeing the picture made him feel excluded and unimportant. He felt like I was intentionally highlighting his brother and neglecting him. I was taken aback by his reaction, and tried to reassure him that it was an innocent oversight/that my love for both my boys is equal, but he remained upset.

Now, here’s where I may have messed up: I never took down the post. Those we couldn’t make it to our family event had already commented on/liked it, with my MIL having even reposted it. While I did understand my son’s feelings, I didn’t really see the point in deleting it, since it had already had its own fair share of traction (and, doubly: my son and I had already had our above chat).

Apparently, later, my son brought it up to my wife, though, and she—out of curiosity—decided to check my account, which still showcased the image. She (rather understandably, honestly) proceeded to get angry with me, telling me that it wouldn’t have killed me to just delete the post.

I did end up taking it down, but my wife still seems to think of me as the AH for not doing it straight after our son brought it up. So, Reddit: AITA?

TIA!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Practical_Option8076 on 2023-12-30 03:29:30+00:00.

My dad died in 2019. He had a whole other family for my whole childhood who I didn't really know about and I met his gf once at my grandma's funeral (10 years ago at that point).

I only got to meet her and her daughter properly after my dad died and I went to their country because I was listed as his sole next of kin but they (gf and her daughter) met me at the police station and I recognised the gf from my grandma's funeral which happened 10 or so years before.

I didn't know my dad very well, he wasn't around at all. But I did my duty when I got told he was dead by the police. I didn't know their relationship at all but the gf said the car that I had to retrieve the keys for from another country actually belonged to her and it was just in his name. I was going through a lot so I accepted it at face value and when I got the car and the keys I told her to go get it and do with it as she wants if it really was hers.

Some months later I go back to my dad's house and they had taken a lot that could be sellable from his possessions. This was all the same year. I stopped contacting the gf's daughter after this because I felt I was fooled. They took things that could sell but none of the photoalbums of them three together. Which I was asked to bring to them. Which I did on Christmas 2019 before I went back to his house and realised it had been robbed.

All that mess aside, flashforward to now when I sold the house the gf has started to contact me again. Asking if I ever had a funeral for my dad and if I still have the house. I feel like I'm being scammed to give more to them than they already took taking advantage of someone who was early 20s.

WIBTA if I ignore my dad's gf's constant messages to me on social media? She shouldn't know the house is sold but the locks have been changed for years and she only started contacting me when the house went on sale. But I feel bad if they really were together for over a decade but my mind just goes to they just want to take more.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/eternalwis on 2023-12-30 03:27:27+00:00.

I moved to a big city, and my family lives in a small rural country town. Every year since I moved there, my parents have invited themselves over- They drive over 1,000 miles and rely on me because they can’t afford a room. My mom throws a fit over my bed because she has chronic pain, so I have to sleep on a air mattress, my dad and sister sleep on them too. I take care of myself 100% and do not rely on them financially. We don’t have the best relationship either, every time I call them, they complain about my lifestyle, shame me for not living in a red state, and being self employed. It kills me inside to let them walk all over me every summer. I feel like I can’t say no anymore, my mom has mental breakdowns, and my dad makes me feel like I don’t have an option. In their words, it’s one of the only things they look forward to every summer.. and I would be fine with that if they didn’t try to squeeze themselves in my 500 sq ft 1 bedroom apartment.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/shrekespeare3030 on 2023-12-30 03:26:27+00:00.

So i recently had a highschool reunion, and there was this friend of mine who was very close to me during my highschool days , they're trans now and go by the pronouns she/they ,let's call them blue.

so me and blue were sitting and chatting with our friends when this old classmate of ours came in let's call them red , so red was quite Surprised to see blue and immediately said " Oh wow , it was you blue ?? I couldn't recognise you i thought it was some girl " and I was talking to this other friend when i overheard this and i immediately turned to blue and said " take it as a compliment!!" Like i genuinely didn't meant anything bad i thought maybe they'd be happy after hearing what red said , But i didn't notice much of an expression in blues face , then later blue sat down near me and told me " you know earlier what you said not many take it as a compliment, we never know if red said it in a mocking way or not " and i said " oh I'm sorry you know i didn't meant it with ill intention " and they went on talking about how people can view it in a different way , and yes I do know that and i told them the same and i apologized for speaking without thinking

After that we said our goodbyes and left , so i messaged them the next day asking how they were doing and they replied in a very sarcastic tone and when i got tired of their tone I told them that i just want to have a proper conversation with you , and if they don't want to it's fine , they told me they were tired thats why they spoke that way and also added "don't be so mean to me , i would like that ."

I don't know why they asked me not to be mean with them when i just wanted them to have a proper conversation with me , is it me who's overthinking too much or I just can't see things from people's perspectives??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/onebigfuckingmess on 2023-12-30 03:25:56+00:00.

My partner [21M] and I [21F] are both in our undergraduate program for the same major. We currently work at the same place, but it isnt related to what we want to do. We both hate working there and have both been semi-leisurely applying to jobs.

My partner earlier this month applied to a job he really wants, and if he gets it, it could determine his whole career path. He has eagerly been waiting for a response from the company but has continued to click through Indeed.

I have been spending hours each day the last few days on Indeed, as I’m starting to feel really burnt out and want a new job for the new year. I’ve been hoping to find a job related to my major. Weve both been applying to essentially the same types of jobs.

My partner today showed me his cover letter for what is essentially a receptionist/assistant position for the county government office. He asked my thoughts on it. I didn’t think much of this since he often asks me to look over his writing, whether it be a report or an email to a client or whatever else. I even write his resumes and applications for him sometimes. He also showed me multiple other jobs he’d been applying to recently, so I didn’t think this role was special.

Anyways, later in the day, the position popped up on my indeed. I applied for it as well. My thought process was 1) it would be nice for either of us to get it, 2) my partner seemed more interested in some of the other jobs he applied for, especially the one I mentioned previously.

I told him about it and said it is rude and uncouth to apply to a job he specifically mentioned. I told him i didn’t think he really cared about this job since he applied to multiple others and was still waiting on a response from the one he favoured, but he said it didn’t matter regardless and that he actually was really interested in this role. He said I should’ve known since he asked me to read his cover letter.

I really didn’t intend to do anything harmful if this is rude, but I was confused because my partner frequently encourages me to pursue the same opportunities he does, and I try to include him in mine. He even specifically suggested I attempt to go into the same kind of politics of him.

So AITA for doing this? I am hoping for a NAH. It seems like we just didn’t communicate.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Far_Office7411 on 2023-12-30 03:24:07+00:00.

I reached out to my sister-in-law (husband's younger brother's wife) to see when she wanted to get together for the holidays and she accused me of wanting to be with her husband because I have made comments about him being the better brother-in-law. In my defense, the other one lied to me and my husband about being a licensed/insured contractor and essentially stole 60k in cash from us, so the bar was set pretty low. Anyways that somehow got misinterpreted in her mind as she got the best brother out of all of them and that I wish I had him instead and that is the story that they are adamantly insisting on.

I obviously was baffled and told her all the reasons I absolutely am not attracted to her husband, including, but not limited to, his childlike mentality and inability to hold a job - which absolutely would not fly in my house. I'm high maintenance, what can I say? 💁🏼‍♀️

She got super offended and said, "This is exactly how I thought you would react! How dare you disrespect my husband? I didn’t disrespect yours." As if the entire conversation was not disrespectful to my husband and there is any other reaction to such an absurd accusation.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NewMonk4277 on 2023-12-30 03:22:58+00:00.

i need to know if im in the wrong for this. so last night my sister had some people over from 9pm-12am and our mom had told us to go upstairs since our stepdad was sleeping so we did. my mom didnt realize there was more people coming so the next day when my sister told my mom she was a little shocked but she wasnt mad.(what my sister told me, i wasnt awake yet).

when i went downstairs later that day i went into the kitchen where my mom and stepdad were and my mom asked me "why didnt you tell me there were 2 other people over" (not exactly what shesaid but im not going to share the boys names) and i told her "who told you they were over?" and she said my sister so i said "yea they were over" and just shrugged my shoulders and my stepdad said "were they in your guys room?" and i just nodded my head and he got all pissed saying "boys arent allowed in your room! i dont want any boys in there"

i didnt say anything becuase my mom told us to go up there and boys have been in our room plenty of times before so i dont see why its a big deal. then they both started saying stuff about how my sister has being acting "real bold" lately and they assumed its because shes gonna be in college next year.

obviously i texted my sister about everything they were saying and told her that when she gets home shes probably gonna get yelled at becuase our stepdad was pissed. later today around 8pm my sister was home with her friend and they were planning on hanging out with the guys they liked and a little while after they left my mom said to my stepdad "her name i splanning on havinf the boys over later" and i looked at them and was like "no shes not theyre just hanging out rn" and my stepda said with a very clear attitude "good becayse she wouldve been real embarresed in front of all her little friends when i kick them out" and just kept saying stuff like that

my mom was laughing but i didnt find it funnt in the slightest so like any normal sibling would do, i told my sister and i guss she got mad at my mom and asked abiut becayse 2 minutes later my mom istexting me saying i had no right to tell my sister about what they say and i need to stop starting shit and i told her that they cant just talk shit about her in front of me and not expect me to tell her so, AITA????

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Rip2499 on 2023-12-29 22:17:35+00:00.

Last Wednesday, I (33F) was meant to be flying out to America from London to attend my sisters (25F, British) wedding to her boyfriend (25M, American).

I have a condition called endometriosis and it took me five years to get diagnosed. Because of my endometriosis I am on prescribed pain killers to manage the condition.

I knew my period was due and I thought I was going to start on the Thursday but I still originally planned on flying out the day before as I wouldn't be in pain. Although endometriosis is VERY painful my plan was to hide the pain so I wouldn't ruin my sisters big day.

However, my period started two days earlier on the Tuesday. I took my medication but I was still in excruciating pain and felt like vomitting from it. I made a difficult decision to cancel the trip to America for my sisters wedding as I had a terrible past experience flying whilst on my period and living with endometriosis.

I texted my sister explaining that I can't go because I've started period and I'm in excruciating pain. My sister was clearly upset, which she has every right to be, but she was blowing up my phone. My parents found out I wasn't flying out and they started blowing my phone calling me an asshole.

I do feel really bad and guilty, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Illustrious-Deer-748 on 2023-12-29 22:04:37+00:00.

Thank you all for reassuring me. Since my post last week, a few things happened (including Christmas, of course).

Some people in the comments suggested accepting the iPad, but hiding it away until Arthur was old enough to use it. I really didn't want to do that at first, but after talking to my husband, we decided we could try to make it work.

I told my father we'd come to my aunt's place for Christmas and accept the iPad on the condition that he didn't let Arthur see it. Our plan was to tell him that grandpa had gotten him a gift for when he got bigger. He had said he wanted a Hot Wheels track for Christmas a while ago, and my husband and I had bought it for him, so we offered to have my dad gift it to him instead.

I expected my father to agree. Instead, he accused me and my husband of not trusting him and Shelly, as well as denying Arthur something he'd spent so much money on. He also denied our race track idea, saying that he had the right to decide what he'd get for his own grandson.

I hung up on him and called my aunt to tell her we weren't coming for Christmas. She asked me about it, and I ended up explaining the situation to her.

Well, it turns out that mine and my kids' presences were more important to her and my cousins than my father's. My aunt threatened to ban him and Shelly from her place if they gave Arthur the iPad.

After a small fight and a crying fit from Shelly (I'm not exaggerating), all over the phone, my father apologized and asked what else he could get my son for Christmas. I gave him ideas of toys, books and art kits Arthur would like.

He ignored them and got a pair of socks. Whatever, Arthur still liked it.

My father and Shelly gave the iPad to her sister's kids (they now have two). I know that because Shelly made a point of telling Arthur, in front of me, that her nephews got the "best gift ever", and that she was sorry he couldn't have the same thing.

Arthur just kept playing with his new Lego set. He either didn't listen or didn't care. I still made sure to keep her away from him throughout the night.

My dad saw that, and I think he finally realized my kid wouldn't care about the iPad. He called me yesterday and apologized, more sincerely this time.

All that said, I think you guys are right about him. This whole incident has made it clear that he doesn't really respect me as a parent or care about my boundaries for my children. I will closely monitor the time he spends with Arthur and Lucy in the future.

Thank you all and happy holidays!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mission_Ant2000 on 2023-12-30 03:21:24+00:00.

I’m going to get into it. I (29f) and my fiancé (28m) have been living in our home for almost 2 years. A friend of ours has been with his girlfriend for a little over a year and we’re not a fan. She was great in the beginning but started to show her true colors to us and the rest of the friend group.

This specific interaction with her occurred in the beginning of November. Her and our friend were moving in with each other and although we don’t like her due to other issues she’s caused earlier in the year, we agreed to help move them for the sake of our friend and because he has helped all of us move in the past.

When we got to his mom’s house, my fiancé walked in to start moving furniture out and load into the trailer. My fiancé said hello to her politely and made eye contact with her. She did not say anything to him back and clearly ignored him. It was a rude interaction on her part, but we continued to move out the furniture along with our other friends. Once we got to their new place and started to unload, our friends girlfriend sent a Snapchat to another friend in our group saying “when you don’t have friends but you have family to help you move”.

We were all taken back at this because we sacrificed a Sunday to do physical labor, and help get them set up. Needless to say, all of us left after looking at this Snapchat. Our friend’s girlfriend later sent a passive aggressive non apology in a group we’re in on Instagram. No one acknowledged it because it was extremely insensitive and rude to us.

She did try to explain her terrible behavior to two of our other friends but didn’t take accountability for her actions and not once apologized to them. She has said in previous instances that she is “a little autistic” but knowing her behavior, tantrums, it sounds like she has BPD. My fiancé and I expressed to our friend how hurt we were by her actions and behavior and that it was completely unacceptable.

Our friend took our feelings well and understood where we were coming from. My fiancé told me about two weeks after they moved in with each other, our friend and his girlfriend were talking about the incident at their place. She said that we owe her an apology and when he disagreed with her. She had a tantrum as a result and acted out, and in the process accidentally harmed her dog.

Since my fiancé told me this, I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of her being in our house and around our two dogs and cat. I don’t trust her in our home at all. I really don’t want her over due to this incident as well as others that have occurred this year. I am at the point that even if she was to apologize, I wouldn’t accept her apology at all. So am I the asshole for wanting her to be banned from our house permanently?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway279447 on 2023-12-29 21:51:08+00:00.

My (32f) sister Sue (39f) and her husband Dan (44m) have two kids, Lily (11f) and Amy (16f). Recently Dan’s mom broke a leg. She lived alone so Dan and Sue took her in. She got Amy’s bedroom, Amy moved in with Lily

Late on the 25th Amy showed up at my apartment begging me to let her stay. She said it’s too much, she has zero privacy. Lily’s constantly going through her things, takes clothes without asking, breaks stuff, is so loud that Amy can’t do anything and when Amy complains, her parents just tell her to be patient. The final straw was when Lily found a present with a note for Amy from a guy from her class. Lily loudly announced Amy was in love and started reading the note to their parents. Noone knew about him yet and the note was obviously personal (nothing inappropriate) so Amy tried to take it from her. The result was her sister startling and Dan yelling at Amy to let go of her. Amy grabbed the note and ran out of the house straight to me (I live close by)

I was at a loss. I said I’d talk to her parents for her and called Sue to let her know Amy was safe and to get her side. Sue asked to come over but Amy didn’t wanna see anyone so Sue said to tell her sorry and that she could stay the night

The day after we agreed Sue would come alone to talk to Amy. 20 minutes later she shows up with Dan and Lily. Lily apologized to Amy through tears, asking her not to hate her. Amy accepted but looked uncomfortable. Dan then told Amy to apologize for grabbing Lily but she refused. Dan said she had to for them to get along but Amy said she still didn’t wanna go home. After that the screaming started. Dan called Amy a spoiled brat, he never had his own room, Amy said if she can’t stay here she’ll go to friends and stop talking to all of us. Lily kept crying and Sue just ignored everything until Dan declared they needed to get back home to his mom and tried to push Amy out the door. Sue broke them apart and said Dan should take Lily home, she’d handle it. She told Amy she’d make Lily act nicer and asked if that changed anything. Amy said no so Sue said okay, she can stay

No clue what she told Dan but it didn’t work cause he keeps calling and texting. He says I’m basically kidnapping Amy and enabling her "emotional blackmail", that I’m teaching her if she runs she’ll get whatever she wants. That it’s not a big deal to share and Lily apologized and is feeling terrible. That Amy is disrespecting his injured mom by not letting her have her room. That I’m interfering in a private matter by giving Amy an out, undermining his authority just because Sue is my sister. Sue says she’s trying but I doubt it. Dan even showed up at my apartment demanding to talk to Amy. He refused to leave so I let him in but Amy locked herself in the bathroom until he left, threatening to call the cops next time

I’m keeping a kid from her dad which is messed up but I worry where Amy will go if I kick her out. Reconciliation seems far away with all that screaming

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/tiffmerma on 2023-12-30 03:14:20+00:00.

I have a potty mouth. I control it around my 2-year old son, but when I’m alone with my husband, I don’t filter myself. He doesn’t like it. He never curses, so he always acts shocked when I swear. (Ie. “I’m so fucking tired right now”... I’m not talking about swearing at him; I’m talking about dropping f-bombs in general.

Tonight I asked my husband what time he is coming to bed. He likes to stay up late and play video games on Friday nights and the weekend; whereas I don’t have that option because I have to get up with our son at 7 or 8 am. Before you ask, no, he has never woken up to take care of our son in the morning. Not once. I’m a stay at home mom, and he feels it’s my job to do that. So I haven’t slept longer than my 2.5 year old in 2.5 years.

So I asked him what time he’s coming to bed, and he said “I dunno, 3am? 4am? 5am?”

And without stopping to think about it, I said “oh fuck you”...

I meant it as a joke. I knew he was kidding about staying up that late (the latest he stays up is maybe 2:30 am?) I meant it like “oh you think you’re so funny, hahaha fuck you, you’re hilarious”. Do you know what I mean?

Like if a friend was complaining to me about getting too many gifts for their kid, I’d jokingly be like “oh fuck you, I wish I had your problems” - you know? Sorry that’s the first example that popped into my head.

My husband took it very seriously. He did not find it funny (just like I didn’t find it funny when he joked that he would stay up until 5 am, but I digress) - and he won’t let it go. I tried to explain it’s something I might say to a friend or family member in certain contexts, and says I’m just rude.

Is he right? AITA here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Expert-Tip1373 on 2023-12-30 03:12:27+00:00.

I 27F and my bestfriend 27F have been friends for more than 10 years. Recently i have been noticing a lot of discrepancies in her stories and i was not sure if i was imagining things or if she’s actually lying ? Couple of months ago i was leaving her place and she decided to walk me to the train station which is like 3 minutes away from her house. Half way through I realised i didnt have my phone anymore. She called it for me and it was connected So i decided to go back to her house while she goes and takes my bag to the station (i was gonna miss my train and the bag is way too heavy to take it back and forth). I went back to her place yet i didnt find anything which ofcourse i start panicking about and head back to the station and she tells me that now my phone is has no connection anymore and is not receiving anything. So basically someone stole it along the 2/3 minutes route to the train station??? Ofcourse it had to make sense cause it couldnt be her who took it ? About a month after i am staying over at her place , she goes to work and i go to meet up with some family members that live close by to her place (i live a bit far from this area) so it was an opportunity to spend some time with family while she was busy at work. She gives me her key and says she wont be back until late so i should have the key since i will come back earlier . She calls me literally 2 hours after i reach my family members place saying shes coming back and no one is home and shes fine waiting for me in the street.. which i ofcourse object to so i cut my time short and get back to her with the key and basically spend the night. TWO hours after her dad comes in to the living room and says hi. So i just ask her wasnt your dad out and nobody is home???? She just replies with yeahh thats what he told me couple of hours before i came back so yeah… i will ask him how come hes home. Which she never did! So i burst out and finally call her out saying i think shes a liar and selfish.. which she gets sooo offended by and says she didnt expect this of me at all. So i start telling her about alll the time her stories didnt make sense . And all she said was i cant believe you are saying such things about me when all i have ever done was be a great friend to you. And keeps talking how i am being so unfair to her accusing her of awful things. So AITA ???

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/orionsbelt22 on 2023-12-29 21:35:30+00:00.

My wife and I wrapped up our shopping at the supermarket today and were headed to the checkout with our cart full of groceries. I was carrying our child, and she was pushing the trolley, with me a couple of steps in front of her. As I joined the checkout line, I turned back to locate my wife and noticed another woman behind me with her own trolley. Seeing my wife behind this woman, I motioned for her to come around since I was ahead and ready to start unloading our items and checking out.

This is where things took a turn. The woman behind me got upset and accused me of cutting in line, arguing that she should be first because my trolley wasn't with me; it was behind her. Ordinarily, I might have let it slide, but her accusatory attitude rubbed me the wrong way. Despite having no particular urgency, her tone prompted me to stand my ground.

I explained to her that I had joined the queue before her, and since my wife and I were together, our collective position took priority. She countered, insisting that the physical location of the trolley mattered more, claiming I couldn't hold the spot for someone else. Our exchange continued with the same arguments until she eventually gave up and moved to another queue.

To the best of my knowledge, the UK follows a "first come, first serve" rule for queuing, and I believe that by bringing my wife to my position, I wasn't violating any norms. We were conducting a single transaction for all the items, with me handling the payment. However, I'm curious to know if there's validity to the woman's point of view.

So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Kataltr3784 on 2023-12-30 03:12:15+00:00.

So I (23F) was having a girls day with my husband’s(21M) sister (17F). I never had siblings growing up so I always like to try to get girl time in with my SIL. When we were having normal girl conversations the hot topic came up. She was talking about her ideal guy as being black. I asked her what about personality? And she said “idc as long as he’s black, he has to be black.” I asked her why and she said “because I always found them attractive”. This is where I got a little irritated, it is important to note that I am indigenous and my husband and his family are white. Before I met my husband I had men fetishize my race/ reject me because of it. This is the part where I may be the asshole, I told my SIL that it’s ok to have preferences but you shouldn’t love someone for their race alone but who they are as a person people are more than their race and fetishizing peoples race is racist and disgusting. After that my SIL got mad at me. My husband said he see’s my point but that I may have been too harsh. I didn’t mean to call her racist I just wanted to see how her thoughts are racist from the pov of a poc. So am I the asshole for calling my SIL racist?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/happynewdad94 on 2023-12-29 21:24:47+00:00.

ETA Because some people are making assumptions here saying I try to control my wife and she needs my permission to do everything. No. I do not tell her what to and not to do. She can do whatever she wants without asking me first. She's been really hard on herself these days not eating her favourite meals or eating very little which is why I told her to loosen up a bit and eat whatever she wanted that day. If she had choosen to still not eat too much that day, it's up to her.

ETA 2 Our son is 7 months old now and the doctor said my wife is allowed to start working out to lose some weight. Sorry for not being precise. I guess it's because English is not my first language. When we say someone just gave birth it could mean yesterday or even last year.

Throwaway because I don't want this on my main account. My wife just gave birth to our son. The pregnancy was difficult and her weight fluctuated a lot. She's been trying to lose some weight and is on a very strict diet. It's not easy for her and a very sensitive issue to talk about. I'm very supportive of her and we always go running together every morning

Yesterday we were over at my cousin's for lunch. And I told my wife she could eat everything she wanted for the day as a reward for having worked out so hard these past few weeks. It's okay to have a cheat day once in a while. A friend 'Tommy', who himself is obese, started asking my wife questions about her weight.

He went "I thought you're on a diet?" She explained to him that today's her cheat day and tried to change the subject but he kept pestering her. He went on and started lecturing her on how she needs to be more discipline if she wants to lose weight. I tried to tell him to stop but he kept going, telling her what to and not to eat, just like his wife, who has now lost a lot of weight after giving birth to their third son and looks beautiful as ever.

I could see my wife's face had turned red and she excused herself to the bathroom. After she left, Tommy kept giving his unsolicited advice to me on how I should keep reminding her to take care of herself etc which really upset me. At one point he said "She needs to start eating less if she wants to reach her weight goal."

I lost it and snapped "Well, can you?", looking him up and down. He looked stunned but went silence for the rest of the day. My cousin said I was being too harsh because Tommy just wanted to help and 'share' his wife's weight loss journey with us. Others told me I was fat-shaming Tommy. So, Am I The Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Empty-Lunch6520 on 2023-12-30 03:11:50+00:00.

Let me preface this by saying that my family is not perfect. We have had many issues through the years and I can’t remember a time when we were all “jelled”. We recently had a family Christmas at my grandparents’ house. They live in a different state than most of our family. I have 5 siblings. 4 of them live in one state. About a month before Christmas, we had a group chat going to make plans, involving me, my siblings and my mother. Through that chat, I offered my empty seats to anyone who wanted to ride with. My younger brother and my older brother both asked to ride with. They are the closest in age to me so we are the 3 youngest. We ride down to my family property, which is near my grandparents house. Ride goes great, everyone gets along. We get to family property, next day my younger brother asks when we are leaving. Apparently we had a miscommunication about departure time, and he gets irate. Proceeds to call me a slew of names, insults me on top of that. I walk away, come back later and tell him we are going to leave whenever him and my older brother decide, my older brother decides he’d rather stay. My younger brother is pissed. Flash forward to night of Christmas. My brothers and I are taking a walk on our family property. My younger brother decides he doesn’t want to walk, grabs the off-road vehicle to drive. My dog begins chasing and circling said vehicle. Younger brother gets pissed and starts screaming at my dog. Younger brother pulls up and comments on how stupid my dog is. I tell him he shouldn’t have brough the vehicle out and if he wants to ride, to ride away from my dog. He begins cussing at me, insulting me and generally verbally assaulting me. One of the things he said “I beat my dog so bad I broke his hips.” He has hip dysplasia. I walked up to the cabins to get my dog who chased the vehicle. My brother continues to go off and say insult after insult. At this point, I tell him he can ride back home with our parents. I don’t want him in my car. He loses his shit and won’t leave me alone, says we should talk things out. I end up having to lock myself in my car to get him to go away. Next morning, me and my older brother are leaving, my younger brother comes out and begins to beg for a ride home. Says he has to work at 10pm that night (it’s 5am). I tell him no, he begins insulting me again, says he knows where I live Am I the Asshole for leaving him to ride with our parents? He told them he was drunk and doesn’t remember what he said.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Character-Fan-6325 on 2023-12-30 03:11:31+00:00.

I was gifted 2 $50 Lawry’s gift cards at work for Christmas. There’s several places they can be used at. I decided to use them for the hubby and I for our Friday night romantic dinner at Saltgrass tonight. The service was great, so was the food. Beginning to end the whole dinner was about 2 hours, appetizer, bread, salad and soup while we waited for our steaks. We even shared a dessert. I even had enough leftovers for lunch tomorrow. We ask for the check, tip the waiter for his awesome service.

We get in the car and I’m happy as a stuffed clam with my food in hand and telling my husband that I’m glad everything tasted and went so well, when my husband starts saying how he would have rather gone to a less expensive place 4 times than to have come here tonight. I didn’t like the judgement, he didn’t have to pay for anything out of pocket, he ate everything up, chose what ever he wanted.

This is where I might have been the A hole, because I responded with, well when you’re gifted shop cards you can make that choice. He said that I was in the wrong for saying that but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. I could have used the gift cards to have lunch with friends, but I wanted both of us to enjoy a nice dinner together. Am I the A hole like he says?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CreekRunMarathon on 2023-12-30 03:09:22+00:00.

I (24m) have been friends with Cole (25m) since we were 9. We went to school together and then roomed together during college (different places but in the same city). As an only child he’s like a brother to me.

We got jobs at different cities after graduation. Cole went to the same city my aunt Amy (26f) was staying. Amy is my mom’s half sister and growing up she wasn’t around much because her parents divorced when she was very young and she and her mom moved very far away. Cole knew I have an aunt but never saw what she looked like. The one Christmas Amy came to visit my family Cole was on an exchange program overseas.

Long story short, Cole and Amy have been dating for over a year now. Their workplaces collaborated on a project. I was friends with both of them on Facebook so they figured out easily our connection. I found it a little weird but Amy was almost a stranger to me so there wasn’t much ick learning about their relationship. When my family and friends learned of this, the “you need to call Cole an uncle now!” jokes began to pour in. I personally don’t find it funny but never said anything back.

Earlier this year Amy’s mom remarried and moved to another continent so Amy spent Christmas with us at grandpa’s. Cole had to join his own family’s Christmas in another city and only came to visit on the 27th. We arranged to have lunch with most our childhood friends yesterday and everyone warmly welcomed Amy, telling Cole he was lucky to have such a lovely girlfriend. Some then began to joke that I was also lucky to have such a nice uncle. Again, I was annoyed but didn’t say anything.

Later that evening we went back to my grandpa’s for dinner with the family. Cole and Amy announced that they’re engaged! It was a spur of the moment but they were sure it was the right decision. Everyone including me congratulated them and my mom and her SILs and the girl cousins moved Amy and Cole to another room and began to talk wedding.

My younger uncle then asked me which party would I be in, the bride or the groom? A cousin said I was the lucky one who could sit anywhere at the reception since my best friend is also my uncle. Another cousin said I need to officially say Uncle Cole now.

I finally snapped at them that I’m very happy for Cole and Amy but I don’t appreciate them making that joke over and over. I ask them all to stop and it wasn’t funny. All the guys went quiet after that. The atmosphere was silent and awkward until the people in the other room came back to join us.

My grandpa later talked to me in private saying how I shouldn’t snap at my uncles and cousins. He said this was a joyous occasion, a holiday where people relax and maybe made them more goofy than usual, and I ruined it for being so serious about a matter so trivial. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Moist_Sprinkles8185 on 2023-12-30 03:04:50+00:00.

A little over a decade ago I moved from my small town to attend a small college. My twin who I will call S also was there. I started dating a guy who I met and trusted as we were the same religion. I will call him P. He was my first everything. But I come from a big family who is always in people's business so I only told a couple sisters and P said we shouldn't say much so S didn't feel bad about being single. S tagged also with P and I. Long story short he was emotionally abusive. I didn't even know that was a thing at the time. He gaslit me and we took "breaks" several times about 4 months into us dating. Well to my horror they told me he loved S and that they would then be together. They claimed it wasn't cheating because they only hooked up during breaks that P initiated. Using religion, my love for them to keep me quiet. I regretted this. They begged for forgiveness and I being emotionally compromised gave in. She was my twin after all. But this only began a year and a half of pure hell. My Dad died and they were cruel in their emotional abuse. They claimed I made the whole relationship up in my head and claimed I was crazy ( and so much more) I left that area after securing an associates and then transferred to a new college in a different state. I found a good guy at my new college, seriously the best. S & P did not openly date until I did but then lied and said they didn't date or consider dating because as they claimed I was infatuated with P and they knew I would be hurt and jealous. I told my family it was lies but still was not wanting to talk about their abuse. I got married and they did 3 months later. I said I would not go to their wedding but they didn't want to look bad so said they would tell everyone "their side of the story". I still regret going but I cried and looked pissed the whole time. Well most of that I have worked ough over the last decade. But I can't let go of the pain they now cause. It's been long enough I don't care to talk about it with family and most family members said explicitly they did not want to know what happened because it would tear the family apart. Well most of my family has sided with S & P without info from me. I never asked anyone to stop talking to S just to be okay with me having strict boundaries with them. I have been lectured, on forgiveness, told I had to be part of the toxicity because P is a great guy, that it's just a he said she said situation, and been told not to come to a siblings wedding because P would be uncomfortable. I am the villain in my family's eyes with exception of a 2 (out of 10). It is so painful to have been abused to keep quiet and then when I have tried being honest just been made a bad guy due to S & Ps manipulation. My siblings think IATA because I can't get over something that happened so long ago because I am happily married. Should I get over it an accept how it is to make my family comfortable? AITA

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Apprehensive-Air5707 on 2023-12-29 20:26:18+00:00.

My (26F) half-brother (39M) met his girlfriend (36F) a little over a year ago. She unexpectedly got pregnant and they decided to keep the baby. The birth is supposed to be in March.

In July, my brother and father are going on a three-week bike tour of some Nordic countries. His girlfriend will be left alone to care for the baby as well as the house, the vegetables, the garden, and all their animals (a flock of sheep and a dog). Her family lives abroad and while my brother's mother will be able to come by occasionally to help, she won't be able to stay the whole time as her health is poor and she's elderly. It should be noted that the girlfriend herself has a heart condition and a mid-risk pregnancy (the baby is fine).

I recently overheard my brother and father talking together about the trip, with my brother saying that his girlfriend always knew that trip was in the cards since it was my brother's present to himself for his 40th birthday, and he "told her so since they first met". When I later tried talking to them separately about postponing the trip a year or so, that was the same reason I got. I pointed out that the baby wasn't planned and should take priority over a trip, but they both got defensive and said I was welcome to go help her if I cared so much. The problem is a) I work, b) I'll already be caring for my elderly grandmother while my father is away on said trip, and c) I can't stand babies and they know that.

I called my brother selfish and immature. My father said I was being too judgmental as usual.

ETA: The girlfriend is not fine with the trip. She's a first-time mom who knows nothing about babies and is very anxious about childbirth and childrearing, especially since she has no support system here. I don't know whether she and my brother had a conversation that prompted the one between my brother and father about the trip, but she's a traditional and selfless person who frequently does too much for others even when she suffers from it. That's also why I'm worried about her.