Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Comprehensive_Tap774 on 2023-12-29 12:56:14+00:00.

Hi All,

I’ll start with some background and then try to summarize further

I’m married to my wife for sometime now. We were in a relationship for 4 years before marriage where I supported her financially in my limited means like paying for her tuition fees, accommodation, and any support needed. This was due to her coming from a dysfunctional family where she’s a single parent child and her father basically would refuse to pay for her education and other basic needs.

It was a rough environment for her after which last year we got married to be together here in the USA. While this happened I come from a family where my mother has recently gone through divorce a couple years back after an abusive relationship with my father for 20+ years.

I kept sharing with her of my family situation and that I would possibly have to move back to my home country after 4-5 years which has agitated her every once in awhile where she will have rage fits, hurl abuses, sometimes even hitting herself to get her way in arguments.

After numerous fights, it escalated to a point where we decided to either part ways or mend it together as a couple so that she can focus on her studies and keep herself occupied.

Recently she got an admit where tuition fee would be in excess of 40K+, her family couldn’t support her in loans due to financial problems so I offered to pay for her tuitions since the only loan she could acquire is at 14% apr.

Due to recent fights again, where she abused in anger and when confronted on it, she would start crying that I don’t care for her and eventually bring past incidents where I was bad to her to completely shut off the conversation

I’m at a point where I feel her being occupied would eventually fix our problems but at the same time I’m apprehensive about commmitting to her financially given the unhealthy state of relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dry-Worldliness-4994 on 2023-12-29 12:39:22+00:00.

AITA for wanting to exchange something a family member bought for me? I will call them C. C had messaged me earlier in the day asking me if I would like a snuggly hoodie (really big hoodie which is like a blanket and it’s really nice) and then sent me multiple pictures of different styles of the same hoodie to choose from. I responded to the messages a minute later telling C which one of them I preferred, only to receive a message an hour later telling me that it was too late as C had picked their favourite hoodie out of the bunch. The issue with this is, I’m not a very girly girl to say the least, so when C told me they had picked out the pinkest one with love hearts all over it, I cringed because that would be the last one I would choose. When I mentioned this to C (as they should know me by now I’d hope!!) and asked C if I could take the receipt and exchange it with one I would love, they told me that they would not let me exchange it because they like it. I told C I wouldn’t wear it so I’d rather exchange it to get one I’d actually wear, to which C responded “yeah but I gave you this hoodie from my heart” (referencing all of the hearts all over the hoodie). And yeah I basically got told that if I exchanged the hoodie, I’d be an asshole… I think I’d be more of an asshole for NOT wearing the hoodie, but I really do not like it, and especially if I was given options before purchasing the hoodie, I don’t think I should be refused the option to exchange it.

Before anyone goes on to say that I am ungrateful, I am very grateful for the gift I have received. I just think, if you are going to gift someone something, you should go with THEIR preference rather than your own to avoid disappointment from the other party.

So yeah, AITA?

I added this in the comments as well, but the gift is from my mother fyi!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Historical-Target191 on 2023-12-29 12:32:44+00:00.

I’ve been in a relationship for four years with a woman we have lived together for three years and on 2022 she asked me to marry her. I said yes and everything was fine till February 2023 when our cat went missing We went to couples therapy, but with a therapist that had previously treated her and I felt threatened, so I stopped it. I asked her deliberately in October if she really wanted to marry me, and she said yes. We had a semi open relationship we could make out only with random strangers. The day of my marriage my wife started making out with a friend of mine in front of my mother, and when my mother confronted her, she said it was just a kiss when she was deliberately touching this friend in her private parts. And that it was not her fault that I haven’t told my family about our open relationship. I ddnt see any of it, but several friends told me the same. I talked to her and she said that my family was homophobic. I went to our honeymoon in the hopes of mending the relationship. It was awful I found out that she had been cheating on me with a girl from work in the bathroom at their office (my wife works for the government in a very important position) this girl was invited to our wedding, even tough two days prior they had made out and sexted all day. I confronted my wife and she called me a crazy bitch she cried and told me she loved me, and that she could never find someone like me.We had a huge wedding, so I feel embarrassed to ask for a divorce, but when I came back to my country my wife received an extortion email with all the conversations showing that there was a relationship between them. The extortionist asked for $2000.She talked to her boss and to me I asked her to pay the money because I didn’t want my family to know how she was cheating on me. She told me that I was selfish. I said that she had humiliated me in 2 opportunities but I was willing to work through this with therapy.She also told be that she went to make out with the girl at a public park and that she was planning to have sex with her. she told me that she knew this girl was vulnerable, and she took advantage of it because she wanted to feel good with herself. The next day she went to a police and filed the case, they took her computer, but they didn’t found anything in her cell phone that indicated a hack. She came home and confronted me because I had told her that I made out with some guy while we were in our relationship And told me that I was a liar. I said that that never happened and I’ve lied about it because I wanted to even the field she told me that I was demented and started packing her bags. I told her that we shdnt talk now because we were both really angry so we agreed to meet up in one month. She asked me to leave the apartment and our two cats, I told her no She told me that I was selfish and that this wasnt her fault because she was hacked, and that she could’ve done nothing to prevent it.

so am I the asshole for wanting to stay in my apartment?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bloodlessbrother on 2023-12-29 12:27:39+00:00.

My (26f) “half brother” “M” and I are not biologically related. I found this out at age 16, but nothing in our family’s dynamic changed and it’s not something we really speak about.

My boyfriend “Dan” (together 1 year) found this out over Christmas (we visited my family) and has since been really weird about it.

He says that first and foremost he’s mad I never told him. I don’t see why it would matter, but he says it’s something you would normally share with a partner after being together as long as we have and he didn’t think we had secrets. I don’t think this is a secret or even an omission, it’s not some dark family history that you get told once you take an oath, it’s an ancillary bit of info that is either relevant or not. No one treats M any differently now that we know (and my dad always knew and didn’t care), so why would I go around advertising it?

Dan says he looks at my relationship with M totally differently now. He says he feels a bit weird about how he’s observed us behaving now that he knows we’re not even related (we are NOT Folger’s siblings so idek what he’s talking about). He says there’s a part of him that’s wondering if I didn’t tell him so that it would make our “lack of boundaries” less of a red flag.

Dan is not a jealous or controlling person I’m the slightest, so this has me quite shocked. He seems really hurt and worried about it and I’m wondering if this is a big deal and I’m just desensitised because it’s my own situation?

My mother has warned me about being close with M being a red flag to guys so I’m now second guessing if it really does look from the outside like I was hiding it?

The reaction is so out of character for Dan I’m really starting to feel like I messed up but at the same time, I also don’t get why it’s a big deal that we don’t share blood?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITA_Disney_Throw on 2023-12-29 12:24:08+00:00.

Throwaway account. Names changed to protect the (not-so-) innocent. I'm 39M, my wife is Anna (39f) my kids are Amy (9f) and Connie (7f). My sister is Laura (37f), her husband is Ken (36m), and their son is Aiden (6m).

I'm planning to take my kids to Disney world next year for Amy's 10th birthday. While discussing plans for the trip, Anna and I thought we might offer to take Aiden with us. Amy and Connie get along well with Aiden, and he's never been. I'm not sure if Aiden will get the chance to go otherwise. Laura and Ken don't have a ton of money. They don't lack for necessities, but they don't have much disposable income beyond that.

When I brought this up with Laura she was super excited at first. She told me they'd love to go with us. I told her that I'd be happy to have the whole family along but I was only offering to pay Aiden's way. She got pissed at that. She said it was unfair for me to take him without them because they'd miss out on getting to enjoy those special moments with their son. She said I was was lording my money over them and trying to buy their son's love.

Where I might be a bit of an asshole here is that I view Laura and Ken's financial situation as voluntary. Laura makes pretty decent money as an engineer, but Ken has never worked. Not before Aiden was born, not after Aiden started school. He has a college degree, he has no disabilities, he just chooses not to work. I don't understand it, but at the end of the day it works for them and it's really none of my business, so I've never said anything to them about it. But I do see their money problems as self-inflicted and because of that I choose not to help them out financially a lot of the time even if I could afford to.

Anyway, I got kind of mad at Laura saying I'm lording my money over them and trying to buy their son's love. I told her it's not my fault that they can't afford to go to Disney world and that I *thought* I was doing something nice by taking Aiden with me. If I thought she was going to get mad at me for offering to do something nice I would never have offered in the first place. Laura said I'm putting her in an impossible situation since if Aiden ever found out he could have gone to Disney World and she didn't let him he'd never forgive her. I said that was her problem and the offer to take Aiden (and only Aiden) still stood.

Anna doesn't thing I'm wrong, but she thinks to keep the peace we should just take the whole family. We could afford to if we stretched things a little bit. I see it as I'm already offering to do something extremely generous and that Laura and Ken are just trying to take advantage of me. Will I be the asshole if I stand firm and only pay Aiden's way?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HavingMyBallsLicked on 2023-12-29 12:21:10+00:00.

After moving to a new city, I befriended a girl and a guy, both of whom had unique qualities that I appreciated. Over time, our friendship grew, and we spent a lot of time together, making me feel fortunate to have them as friends. Although I found the girl attractive, I hesitated to make a move due to personal reasons in the beginning and sensed that my male friend might also be interested.

As our friendship deepened, I started having individual hangouts with both of them. Eventually, I asked the girl on a date, but she declined, explaining her reluctance to date due to her ex-boyfriend's involvement with her family. I respected her decision and expressed my commitment to our friendship. Later, I discovered that my male friend was developing feelings for the same girl, unaware of my earlier approach.

As time passed, the girl began spending more time with me, and to my surprise, she confessed that she had fallen in love with me for treating her so respectfully despite her rejection. We started dating, and I learned that my male friend also asked her but handling the situation poorly. When I asked if she still talked to him, she revealed he struggled to accept the rejection, frequently calling her while crying in the middle of the night.

Feeling upset about his lack of respect for boundaries, I decided to cut contact with him, even though he had emphasized the importance of our friendship just weeks prior. He was very depressed lately because of lack of friends and the fact he was also going through a difficult breakup. Now, I'm very happy in my relationship, but I wonder if my abrupt actions make me seem like a bad person in the eyes of my former friend, who was going through a tough time. AITA for cutting contact with a guy who had NO RESPECT for my current girlfriend's boundaries?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ImaginationWide5411 on 2023-12-29 12:13:59+00:00.

I 32 (F) and my boyfriend 43 (M) have been together for 5 years. Over the years it has become apparent that he really does not like christmas and thinks the whole present thing is unnecessary. So this year he ordered me a small bottle of perfume and a month before Christmas he hands it to me and says "here merry Christmas" now for years we have had several discussions about the thought and effort he puts into special occasions and I think he does the minimal just so I don't get my feelings hurt. So I jokingly stated you r supposed to wrap it and wait till christmas while laughing. This started a major argument with him stating he does not do the "christmas" thing and he is not wrapping a gift and we are financially unstable at the moment and do not have money to spend on Christmas gifts. Fast forward to christmas day we go to his mother's house where he pulls out a very large wrapped gift that I had no knowledge of. She has been asking for an ice maker for years and that's what was inside... a $100 dollar ice maker. She was very happy and I was happy for her. On the way home I asked if he had gotten her the ice maker and if he was the one that wrapped it. He began to scream at me calling me ungrateful and that he knew I was going to act like this about a "stupid" gift. I tried to explain that I was not upset about the gift perse I was upset because he got very upset with me previously and told me he does not wrap gifts and that basically he is not going to put any effort into anything involving christmas but he did this for her. The perfume he got was a free gift along with the cologne he ordered for himself and I just asked that he put a little more effort into me as he did with his mother. While I am grateful for my gift, he has made me feel extremely guilty and selfish for not understanding why he is able to put effort into other people he cares about and not me. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Who_am_i_2470 on 2023-12-29 12:06:12+00:00.

Hi, I’m a female but I’m not comfortable with sharing my age. So my story takes place back in 1st-3rd grade. So I’m first grade I met this girl we’ll call Kattie. So I decided to talk to her because I was a lonely bitch and was super introverted but was really in need of friends, so I talked to her and she seemed like a very good person. I enjoyed talking to her a lot and eventually we became best friends. But one day leaning towards the end of the year in 3rd grade, I was walking to the bathroom and the 5th graders were at recess. So 2 5th graders walk past me and call out to me: “Hey fatty (My name)! I hope you lose wait over the summer so the earth can actually pick itself up!” And I was very hurt by that. So I tell Kattie what happened at recess and she says this: “I mean, I was kinda the one that told them you’re fat. I mean I wouldn’t want to lie to people now would I?” So of course in my mind I’m like: “What the actual fuck?” So I asked her why she would say that. And she fucking says: “Cause I wanted to and I’m bored.” So I didn’t want to talk to her for the rest of the week of course. Then one day I was walking downstairs to get to my class and Kattie was right behind me. So she decides to push me making my head bleed like crazy. And I was terrified of blood at the time so I screamed in pain and fear. So teachers come running to me and asking what happened but I couldn’t respond because of how much it hurt. And I could tell Kattie was smiling. So the next day at lunch recess I told her we weren’t friends anymore. So she asks: “What? Why?” So I tell her like the badass I am: “You know why you dum dum!” So she starts screaming at me for calling her that so I kick her in the knee making her limp. So she tells the teacher and I tell her what she did to me and she got expelled and I have not seen her since. But I feel like I took it a little too far.. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Imgonnaloseemymind on 2023-12-29 12:05:30+00:00.

So my dad speaks in a different language with his parents (Urdu).

We don’t understand Urdu,and my mother has a resentment towards my dads parents because they tend to make rude or blunt remarks and ask for things without considering the effect they have on other people.

For a few months now my mum has been making certain remarks about my dad to me (15f) and my brother (8) She doesnt trust my dad because when he talks to his parents she doesnt know what going on and suspects he might be saying stuff to her to his parents because he doesnt usually say whats going on if he isn’t asked.

When hes asked he says its stuff about the neighbours,his cousins etc and my mum thinks hes hiding something.

Today she went something along the lines of ‘I dont trust your dad because hes an expert at hiding stuff and doesn’t tell the truth’ to me and my brother. This was when she’d just woken up so it wasnt as if they were arguing.

My brother calls my dad a liar and my dad gets upset towards my mother saying she shouldn’t call him a liar in front of us.My mum says that she never called him a liar.

I said she did and my mum gets angry at me because she only said that he hides stuff and doesn’t tell her everything.I reply that thats the same thing and still not good to say in front of my brother ,my mother says I’m twisting her words however i like and that im my dads daughter.

After this I felt like I shouldn’t have said anything and kept quiet because i don’t know what my dad says to his parents either but I find it hard to believe that he backchats my mother and I still took his side so AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/komrad2236 on 2023-12-29 12:00:33+00:00.

Sister(27F) is moving in with her BF(27M) and at one point she said shes tired of this old house where me(30M), her and mother(57F) live and that I can have her room.

But then she said she wants to do a "month trial" where she tests out how it is to live with her BF and if it doesn't work out she wants to be able to come back.

I was conflicted but decided to support her as it might be stressful time for her.

But now she started taking stuff out of our house into her new apartment, utilities, like just now I noticed that hairdryer is missing and she did not let anyone know about her taking it with her.

I had enough and said this is not OK, imo she can't have it both ways and leave us without nothing.

I got angry and yelled and I feel I maybe overreacted

AITA for having such stance and voicing my displeasure ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ProspectParkBird on 2023-12-29 11:55:29+00:00.

Walking down a narrow sidewalk with my 3 YO son, I saw a family of 4 (mom pushing a stroller + 2 girls, probably 5 and 6-ish) with a dog (Labrador Retriever, so kinda big) walking towards us.

Since the sidewalk was narrow, I was paying attention to my little guy so he doesn't bump into other pedestrians, as he was on his scooter.

And then, all of a sudden, I see this black dog coming towards us.

For a second, I expected that they would pull the leash to restrain the dog from approaching us.

Then, I realize that the dog's leash is actually held by a 6 YO, who doesn't see anything wrong with her dog getting way too close to strangers.

She has no idea she's supposed to pull the leash.

I've had close encounters with dogs previously, so I yell at them "UGHHHHHH!!!" (Because I couldn't think of anything better to say at the moment) This actually made the dog more excited unfortunately, and the dog wanted to get closer to us even more.

The mother finally comes over, ditching her stroller, and takes control of the leash and pull her dog while yelling at me "CALM DOWN!!!"

And as I'm still yelling at her "You need to be more responsible!" (I was with my child so wanted to keep my language clean)

I see her baby stroller moving towards the road, because she had kinda forgot about her little one there. Then she rushes over to grab it before it goes off the sidewalk. I was just rolling my eyes at this woman, who thinks she can just do whatever she wants -- I was furious how rude she was.

We almost got bitten or attacked by this dog, that was held by her small child, whom I didn't think should be holding the leash.

Afterwards, I felt like she should have at least said "I'm sorry" or acknowledge her mishandling of the dog but AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/noelle-420 on 2023-12-29 11:46:44+00:00.

I (20) was on vacation in New York City in 2022, I live in Europe.

I used dating apps while I was there and met up with some people I matched with. I met with my friend (about 25) at Central Park. We smoked up together and had really interesting and funny conversations. I was really happy that I had met him.

We continued to chat on Snapchat, even when I was back in Europe. We are both in relationships now. A few weeks ago, he asked me for advice on how to deal with jealousy. I answered him sincerely but it took me two or three days to read his message / respond. I told him about my relationship and that I was rarely struggling with jealousy because my girlfriend and I communicate very openly. I asked him what his situation was, if he wanted to share.

He answered within a day but I didn't read his message in over a week. I didn't open it because I sometimes get overwhelmed by messages and when I realize that I haven't answered someone for multiple days, I tend to repress the messages even more (which doesn't feel good at the same time!). I definitely wanna stop doing this and I'm going to approach the topic at my next therapy session.

A few days ago, I had the impulse to just f-ing answer him but then I realized that he had deleted me on Snapchat. I felt very bad and sad, so I texted him on Instagram (I don't have his number), I wrote that I couldn't find him on Snapchat anymore and I apologized for taking so long to answer. He read the message but didn't respond. He still follows me though.

I don't know what to do, I feel bad and sad for potentially ending a friendship by taking so long to answer. And I wonder: Am I the Asshole? And do you have any advice for me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/cakelovingpos on 2023-12-29 11:46:39+00:00.

Every time *Mark comes over we have to put the dog outside bc he talks so loud. My boyfriend does too. We get into arguments a lot bc it always sounds like he's yelling at me. Those 2 together.... unbearable to me. I usually remove myself from the situation, today I went to the gym but, I'm off work for a wk due to the holidays & I just want peace at home. My boyfriend thinks I think this about all of his friends when really; I like all but the loud ones. Am I the AH for not wanting this 1 to come over? They work together btw. He literally saw him yesterday.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AgreeableOne1992 on 2023-12-29 11:37:11+00:00.

I (31 yo female) have been with my partner (32 yo male) for almost 5 years but have known each other for almost 10. We were together in the earlier stage of knowing each other for a few years and had a great sex life. We broke up got back together almost 5 years ago. Since getting back together we are incredibly happy, live together, are each others biggest supporters. All is great. However. We have NO sex life. Zero. He is incredibly tactile and affectionate in other ways (kissing, hugging, cheeky slap of my bum) but he is never in the mood for sex. I have talked with him more times than I can count and explained how it makes me feel unwanted, as though he doesn't find me attractive and just that it's a part of life that I only want to do with him. He understands but says he just is never in the mood, ending the conversation quickly wirh "ill get it sorted". Nothing changes. I have even gone as far as to ask him if he is gay. That was a no as well. I don't know if I'm the asshole to keep pushing it because I also know that's not fair on him. I absolutely do not want to lose him but I would love to shake things up in the bedroom. I don't want to try lingerie etc because I'm now so conscious I don't want to undress in front of him. To be turned down in lingerie might be the final nail in the coffin of any confidence I have left 🤣

Any advice? or AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mental_Pudding_9676 on 2023-12-29 11:34:45+00:00.

My grandmother and my mom have a strained relationship and we hardly ever see her. My mom was named Grace at birth. When she was little some family members would call her Gracie and my mom loved that so she went by Gracie in school. My grandmother hated it and tried to ban the nickname. She and my grandpa fought until he felt my grandmother. The way my mom tells it, my grandmother told grandpa that she would make him regret the day he ever went against her if he kept calling mom Gracie. She also told him he was nothing but a walking sperm and she had all the say regarding their kid.

My grandmother used to terrorize my mom's friends and would try to browbeat my mom into ending the use of Gracie. She kept this up until my mom turned 18 and out of spite for her mother, my mom legally changed her name to Gracie and didn't tell my grandmother until she could present her with paperwork with the new name. My grandmother flipped out and told my mom she was a spoiled little selfish brat who needed to learn the hard way about life. She told my mom she hoped the name would stop her from ever getting anywhere in life.

30 years later and my mom has zero regrets about her name change. She knows she didn't do it for the best of reasons but she always liked Gracie and everyone with the exception of my grandmother calls her that. She's also successful in her career so my grandmother didn't get her wish in capacity.

My grandmother suddenly stopped by before Christmas and started honing in on my name and how much she disapproved of my mom naming me Belle, which she said was a childish name and not one that ages well. My mom told her to leave if she couldn't stop her disrespect. My grandmother told me I should be Isabelle or Annabelle and I should seriously consider my options for the future because my mom was going to ruin me otherwise. She saw I didn't agree and told me not to be as stupid as my mom. That's when I told her to shut the fuck up and that she's the only person who cares about her opinion. My grandmother started to go off but mom made her leave. My grandmother said I needed to be taught a lesson in respect.

Nobody else was mad at me but I guess I wonder if I did go too far.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAg6 on 2023-12-29 11:34:23+00:00.

Six years ago, I (F29) drunkenly slept with a man in a relationship, Dave. Dave and his girlfriend, Lia, were mutual friends with some of my friends; though I wouldn't exactly call Lia a friend, she was a casual acquaintance.

Shortly after I slept with Dave, his relationship with Lia ended. According to Dave, they had both been unfaithful to each other numerous times and had "wanted different things in life," so it was for the best. He was still sad about things, though, so I supported him through the breakup, and this led to us dating.

Over the four-month period we dated, I fell for him pretty hard and thought he felt the same. Honestly, his relationship with Lia sounded toxic and she sounded like a narc. I thought I was helping him heal and move on. However, out of nowhere, he ended things with me and decided to give things another go with Lia.

This was heart-breaking to me, but to make matters worse, Lia began messaging me to essentially sl*t shame me. For reasons beyond my understanding, Lia and Dave also both started to spread false rumours that I was harassing them and stalking them. Some of my friends believed their lies, and it ruined my friendships. It became a dark period of my life, and it took a long time to recover and get back on track. It's still painful to think about.

Flash forward to today, and I saw a local news article written about Lia, who is now married to Dave. It turns out she published a book, which is doing decently well. I haven't read the book, but I decided to leave some reviews highlighting the type of person Lia truly is, who bullied and harassed me and has never apologised or taken accountability for her actions.

I'm not denying I was in the wrong for sleeping with Dave, but he was more at fault than me and owed Lia loyalty. I did not deserve for Lia to set out and ruin my life, especially considering she forgave Dave. Some of my friends have told me I'm petty and to remove my reviews, but I feel like people should be aware of the type of person Lia is, and the type of person they are supporting and giving money too.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Specialist-Object-66 on 2023-12-29 11:33:56+00:00.

I (30f) have been best friends with 'Amanda' (30f) since we were 15. We quickly became best friends, spent nost of our time together, had our babies at the same time etc. We were also there for each other through nasty relationship break ups.

About 10years ago, we lived in a flatting sitch with our boyfriends/kids dads. We ended up supporting each other through the toxic break ups. Amanda knew (and saw) the domestic violence, the custody battle etc and supported me through it. I did the same for her with her break up.

Through the years it became more me looking after her kid, helping her every time she needed it and being the one to plan catching up.

Fast forward to a few months back, she tells me she needs to move out of her current rental. She moved in with my ex and his girlfriend. I found out the day before she moved. After everything that happened, she still moved in with my ex (they weren't friends).

I stopped being the one to organize catching up, stopped being constantly available to bail Amanda out and just started keeping my distance.

It's now been 3 months since we talked (Amanda hasn't reached out either) and i see and hear from mutual friends about how Amanda and my ex are hanging out all the time.

I'm at the point of just silently leaving the friendship. Amanda has been my best friend for over half my life, knows everything about me, everything thats happened and still went behind my back.

AITA for feeling so betrayed, used and hurt, ultimately leading to me walking away?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Obvious-Act-4533 on 2023-12-29 11:29:36+00:00.

My (24F) boyfriend (27M) and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. We have been good friends since high school and despite having moved to different states since then we started dating about a year ago. I plan to move to be with him within the next 1-2 years.

He has a 3 year old daughter who he has split custody of with his ex. He talks about her a lot and I've seen plenty of pictures and videos but I have never actually met or spoken to her. All she knows about me is a very cursory understanding that I'm her dad's girlfriend who he's on the phone with a lot and that my picture is on his lockscreen. He also has a cat that he sends me plenty of photos/videos of because he knows I'm a huge cat person.

For Christmas I sent him a very personalized gift along with a silly little set of toys to give his cat. Afterwards he told me he wouldn't have thought anything of it had I just gotten him alone a gift, but asked if I was willing to get something specifically for the cat as well why wouldn't I get something for his daughter. I told him it was because I've never met his daughter and it felt weird for me to send her something when she barely knows anything about me. He brought up that I've never met his cat either and said it's odd that I seem to think more about his cat than his daughter who I might be the stepmother of some day. I told him that's not how it is, I just don't know her yet and don't want to be overstepping boundaries or coming off as creepy or invasive to her since I'm practically a stranger. But now he seems to think I don't want to be part of her life and I feel guilty. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SeaweedGreen8 on 2023-12-29 11:29:08+00:00.

I (M27) am gay and I bottom so obviously I own lube, I usually keep it in a drawer next to my bed but after hooking up with a guy I guess I forgot to put it in the drawer and just left it on top instead. My sister was at my house with her 5 year old son. We were talking in the kitchen whilst he was playing in another room when he came in holding the bottle of lube with it all over his hands too. It was literally so mortifying I swear to god. Afterwards when I was alone with my sister again she started shouting at me for leaving inappropriate things lying around. I completely understand and agree with her but my nephew is 5 he didn't know what it was or what it's for so it's not like I've traumatized him or anything. My sister is really upset and she keeps saying that I took away some of his Innocence, which I don't really understand. She's been distant with me since. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Presentation-8234 on 2023-12-29 11:16:37+00:00.

We have 2 other roommates Peter (M21) and Andrea (F24)

Maybe over a month, I've known that my roommate Monica(F22) wanted to bring her sister(9) over-- she knows that I don't like kids or dogs (I was attacked as a child) Something super important to note is that she said she was gonna ask both of our roommates for the go ahead. I had a feeling she wasn't going to say anything to them in time, but benefit of the doubt

Today, she sprung onto me that her mother, aunt, sister, and I assume their dog, were coming here for New years and said she would ask the others. So I asked Peter if he knew of her plans. She still hadn't said anything to anyone and only asked them until I told her to. At that point I spoke up and told her I wasn't okay with it. She was very confused and didn't understand why it it bothered me. Stating that they would only be in her space.

We share a wall that's very thin and a bathroom. Peter&Andrea don't share a BR or walls. I often get home late and we're all college students and I wanna study in peace.

Monica says she needs to babysit her sister and dog because her mom suddenly decided to take a vacation and cannot/will not take the sister. Her family lives about 3 hours away.

Peter is not too comfortable with the idea. He spoke to Monica and was stressed because he says that he felt pressured to say yes.

Andrea is okay with them being over but was also unaware that there was a conflict to begin with.

I had a feeling that Monica would reach out another friend/neighbor of ours (Andrew) and tell an altered story. I've experienced this before from ex-friends and it created a lot of confusion and turned it into a he-said, she-said situation among our friend groups.

I reached out to him in hopes that didn't happen. He listened to my side of the story and mentioned that Monica had said our roommate Peter was actually fine with it and that I was really the only one that had a problem and ranted a bit. He figured there was more to the story because it didn't sound like me.

Peter reconfirmed with me that he didn't say anything like that. We both think she is oblivious to people's boundaries and time because she's done similar things of not asking or warning us. Canceling on plans last minute and only talking to me really.

she was originally gonna have her mom, sister, and dog over for multiple days for Christmas but changed her mind. So, originally there were three plans of people staying over:

Xmas with her mom, sister and dog (for 3-5 days)

NYE with her mom, aunt, sister, and dog (length wasn't specified)

Mid-Jan with sister and dog for 3 days

I do not think I'm the wrong for saying I'm uncomfortable with that-- but I feel like I'm going crazy because she doesn't seem to understand why I'm upset. We have friends/partners over and they spend the night. I have no problem with that! She's brought her boyfriend over several times and he's a chill dude.

AITA for saying that I don't want them in my space?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ill-Log2710 on 2023-12-29 03:41:43+00:00.

I am 33m. My dad was 61m. He was with gf for ~20 years. He recently passed away and left everything to me, ~$3mm. He was planning on spending it all in retirement.

My dad and I did not have a good relationship. My dad was extremely abusive, emotionally distant, and abandoned me and my mom in a time of trauma for his gf.

He cheated on my mom with her and left us when I was 12 for her. She was never fully abusive to me. But she just ignored me and did not talk or interact with me. When I was 13 my dad took me to meet her for the first time and she sat silent the whole time. She really did not like me. I remember hearing her verbally trash me when she thought I was not listening as a kid. And ofc I always resented her for cheating knowingly.

There’s also a class element. I grew up lower class because my mom had to work a shitty job after he left her and took advantage of her in the divorce so she got nothing. gf is dirt poor and comes from a family of trashy people. For the record, I have a lot of respect for poor people who work hard. My mom had not been in the workforce for 15 years, was a first gen immigrant, and was making 20k a year after my dad left us. She went back to school, became an engineer, and now makes six figures and is a millionaire. But my dad’s gf is just trashy. She comes from a family of trashy people who don’t work hard, just make stupid decisions and stay broke. I don’t judge people for systemic poverty but when you judge me for being better off than you (and she does as I explain below), I will tell you why you’re poor. My dad paid for everything for her for 20 years and she’s pretty much still broke even with a job.

I came out of college working in finance, making 180k when I graduated. She always trashed me for this. Saying I was just a dumb kid and I didn’t deserve any of it. I went to an Ivy League and was summa for the record. I was a first gen immigrant too while her family is American. I’ve been very lucky in my career and have been clipping over 7 figures since I was 28 and am worth more than my inheritance by a decent amount, and I foresee myself doing well in the future.

I am specifically listed as the beneficiary of his accounts. I have sole access to all of my dad’s accounts now, and was explicitly told the money would be mine by him. The state they are in doesn’t recognize common law marriages either. I am confident I can win any lawsuit and she can’t afford one.

But she wants the money. She is telling me she was with him for 20 years, I’m a bad son, I don’t need the money, etc. I told her to fuck off when she said these things. this is the first time in my life I have been rude to her even though she was rude to me many times. I don’t need it, but more money does not hurt. I could give it to my mom and help her live a fantastic retirement, etc, and make up for her difficult life.

So AITA for not giving my dad’s gf my inheritance even though I don’t need it and she does.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Destama on 2023-12-29 01:32:40+00:00.

For Christmas I (29F) received a very generous check from my parents. I wasn't expecting it and they never spend this much on gifts so it took me by surprise. Not to give exact numbers but it was four digits. I was very grateful and thanked them for there generous gift.

Everything was great......until the day after Christmas. My dad would come up to me multiple times and asked if I deposited the check. I told him that I would and that I could deposit it through by banking app. Well the day goes on and I forget to deposit the check.

The 27th comes along and I get home from work and my dad gets on me again and asks if I deposited the check. I told him no and he seemed annoyed and again told me to deposit the check. Well as you can probably guess the day ends with me again forgetting to deposit the check.

Now it's today (the 28th) and my mom texts me while I'm at work asking if I deposited the check. I told her no and she must have told dad because he started angrily texting me.

"I asked you to do something and you didn't do it. I'm so upset with you OP it's not even funny. This is a total disrespect of me and your mom. I asked you to deposit the that check and you didn't. You know we did this because we love you and you turn around and not deposit the check like I asked. I'm so upset. Just give me the check and I'll deposit it in your account if you're that lazy. Ungrateful"

I was shocked when I read that while at work. And I'm not going to lie, it hurt a lot. I spent most of my lunch break in tears trying to think of a response. I love my dad a lot but I felt like his anger was out of line and needlessly malicious. Unfortunately, while my dad is loving most of the time he does have bouts of anger like this (like once a year not often at all). He never gets physical or anything but is very loud.

Eventually I texted him back saying: "Hi dad, I'm sorry that this has made you upset. It's not that I'm ungrateful. I guess I just don't understand why this needs to be deposited right away. Especially since it hasn't even been a week since I received your very generous gift. I love you very much and I don't want this to damage our relationship. So I think it's no longer appropriate for me to accept this check. I'll give you the check back when I get home."

I thought that was the best and most mature way to reply. Maybe he'll calm down?..........No.

He replied back with this: "OP when I tell you to do something I want it done. When your mom asks you to do something you do it. Now I want you to deposit that check today or I will disconnect your internet (we live in the same house). I ask for the simplest thing and you cant give that to me. I have my reasons for wanting the check cashed. You should honor my wish. As far as I'm concerned, this has damaged our relationship."

I've since deposited the check like he asked, but I'm really confused am I really in the wrong here or is he blowing this out of proportion?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/myAITAthrowawayacct on 2023-12-28 23:09:04+00:00.

TLDR: MIL has been awful to me; my husband won't stand up to her and I need a damn break. I want to check into a hotel for 3 days.

I (F50) have been with "Sam" (M52) for almost 4 years, married for almost 2 years. We flew his family (two adult kids, their signif others, and Sam's mother) to visit us in CA for the holidays. With us & two young-adult kids that still live in the house plus one of THEIR significant others, we have had 10 people staying in our house since Dec 19, with the visitors leaving on Jan 1st. No complaints about that - it's a 5 bedroom/4.5 bath home, plenty of room for everyone, and I was happy & excited for everyone to be here.

However, my MIL is making me miserable, and hubby either makes excuses for her or refuses to acknowledge it altogether. I will not tolerate it any longer so I want made a hotel reservation for 28th, 28th, and 30th. Here is a small sampling of the issues:

We set up for MIL to have the downstairs guest suite - everyone else in upstairs bedrooms & bathrooms. She's older, has bad knees, had hip replacement not too long ago... it just made sense. She demanded to be in the room right next to ours so she could "sleep as close to her baby as possible" but wanted the downstairs bed to be moved up to that room. After a 5.5 hour flight that arrived in CA at 11:15PM we were moving bedroom furniture up and down stairs until 1:30AM, and we had to work the next morning.

MIL: Jeez - Sam"s gonna need to take out a second mortgage to pay the water bill for your long showers!

Me: Nah - I pay all the utilities! (delivered with a smile)

MIL: Yeah, with HIS money! (Snidely)

Me: No, with the money I make from my job. I pay utilities, he pays the mortgage.

MIL: *scoffs* I can't imagine you make enough to pay for McDonald's cheeseburger, never mind a utility bill.

This was said in front of a handful of our regular social group. I was so embarrassed. Sam heard the exchange, and didn't say anything. When I mentioned it to him later, he said, "She probably didn't mean anything by that." She knows our financial arrangement, is reminded repeatedly, and while hubby does make significantly more than I do, I make pretty damn good money.

I made ravioli from scratch - hand-rolled pasta, etc. - for dinner the other night - a HUGE feat for 10 people, took hours as I am fairly new to the fresh pasta game. MIL said she only wanted 3 or 4 ravioli, so I put 4 in her bowl. Once plates were filled, there was one extra ravioli, so I just tossed it into a bowl, It happened to be MIL's bowl; when she saw there were 5 in her bowl, she pushed the bowl away, crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, refusing to eat. Sam said he didn't notice any of that, even though he made multiple attempts to appease her, including volunteering me to make her sometihng else for dinner.

Additional antics and final straw in comments...

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/st4nti on 2023-12-29 04:11:42+00:00.

my neighbors aunts dog just died 5 days ago and she got a new dog and named it the same thing. The dogs are the same breed and look almost exactly the same. This is also the third dog in a row she has named the same thing. I think this is extremely weird but he sees no problem with it. We wanted to post on reddit to see what other people thought so please share your opinions☺️

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Grouchy_Tomorrow2735 on 2023-12-28 21:13:31+00:00.

I've got a Facebook account and haven't updated my profile picture for about eight years.

This Christmas my sister was hosting thanksgiving, its her second one since becoming a parent: she has a daughter under two.

My niece is still very attached to her parents and doesn't like being away from them for five minutes.

On Christmas day I arrived and my sister got her niece to give me a cuddle (this was our first cuddle without her crying or getting upset for not having her parents with her) and I enjoyed it. We then went into the living room and for once her parents spent ten minutes away from her. We had an adorable moment on the sofa and I decided to take a picture to capture the moment.

I decided to use this pic as an opportunity to update my profile pic. My sister and BIL had their phones of as they were sorting the dinner out and they didn't turn their devices on until after I got home.

They sent me a message asking me to delete it and I did not. My sister seems upset with me and I don't see understand why she is. Am I being an asshole here? I can only assume its due to the picture.