This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BPDWarrioratheart on 2023-12-29 05:14:00+00:00.
Hi. I’m 41 years old, I’m single and have no children. I have some mental health problems - depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder plus some deeper issues that I’m not allowed to talk to about on here.
Both my parents are in their 70’s, live together and have two children (my twin sister and I) who no longer live in the nest. They have a history of health problems. My Mum has anxiety, arthritis, high/low blood pressure, heart attacks, breast cancer (minor) and suffers from the cold. My Dad has sciatica, high blood pressure, Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, arthritis, and cataracts, plus he is addicted to smoking and alcohol.
For every single health problem that they have had, I have been there (as - in my opinion - I should have been). I have listened to them, researched, offered advice, been to appointments/hospital (one time my Mum was in hospital for 10 days having three heart operations to fit a dual-pacemaker so I stayed with my dad to take care of him - my sister did not come to visit our Mum for 10 days and only came when I guilted her into it.)
My sister and I don’t have a relationship. She never wanted one with me, it was her choice. I moved in to my first apartment 12 years ago and she has yet to cross my doorstep (she lives 160 miles away and yes, in that time I have been up to see her). When she comes down to visit my parents for Christmas, I have been there for at least 24hours cooking (my parent’s try to help but always find reasons for leaving the kitchen), but as soon as their darling daughter is there I might as well not be. One talks to her, another to her boyfriend. She only visits once a year for an afternoon, and from what I understand not many phone calls are exchanged in between, whilst I’m there constantly throughout the year and try to call at least once a week.
I can’t talk to my parents about my mental health. My Mum just turns me away saying that her plate is already too full and she can’t handle it. My Dad judges me, saying it’s all in my head, no one can help me, and that the therapists that I see are just a load of nonsense.
My parents seem to think I need them. I don’t. Not at all. In fact having them hurts me more.
But I want them.
It’s always “I can’t help you” you need to do this yourself “no one can help you but you”.
I’ve never asked them for help, I just want them to listen and to try and understand.
And when my Mum says she can’t listen because she has her own problems, in the next breath she off loads all of her problems on to me. Mostly about my Dads smoking and drinking.
Sometimes I just want to walk away from my family, never see them again, but I know I will fill up with guilt
Every time I try and talk to them it’s “so what you are saying is I’m a sh*t Dad/Mum/parent?” No trying to understand, just rebuttal, just guilt.
If I can’t be honest with my parents, I can’t be myself, what type of relationship do we really have?
I’ve been there for them, when are then going to be there for me.