Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Typical_XJW on 2023-12-28 22:33:41+00:00.

Things have been tight this year. Knowing that I (57F) couldn't afford big gifts for my kids (23F & 20M), I hand painted them ceramics which they both loved. They knew I was making them these things because they asked why I wasn't finishing a different painting.

On Dec 24th, my son ordered me a set of water markers from Amazon, using my own Amazon Prime account. I haven't used water markers for years because I either use Alcohol Markets or acrylic paints for my art. I wouldn't expect him to know that, but it was still a cheap set of markers he bought at the last minute because he said he forgot to get me something.

My daughter, who has special needs and has recently moved into a group home, didn't get her approved funds in time, so she also ordered me something online that I have yet to receive. When I went to approve her order, I saw that she spent most of her money on herself and my ex, with one nice present for me that has not been delivered yet.

My feelings are hurt. I spent the last two months hand-making them gifts. On Christmas day, my ex, their dad, had about 10-15 presents to open because I had taken my daughter shopping for him. I had two presents to open, both from my ex: a pair of shoes and a pair of muk-luks (?) which are amazingly soft socks to wear around the house. I sat there while they were opening present after present. Even the dogs got 5-10 presents that I had helped purchase.

I know that I'm the parent and should rise above this, but I feel so uncared for. AITAH for wanting more from my adult children? Do I address this next year, or resign myself to not getting presents from them?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SuperbAudience6476 on 2023-12-28 21:45:11+00:00.

Hey everyone. I’ve just been offered my first youth pastor job. I didn’t go to school for Ministry. I went to school for marketing. But my pastor was talking to one of his friends who said they needed a youth pastor, and my name was brought up. Then he got ahold of me and offered me the position.

I’ve never been a fan of sporadic schedules. I don’t like the idea of working on holidays, weekends, nights, etc. I’ve always preferred M-F, 9-5. Especially during football season, I’d prefer to be at home.

Am I in the wrong if I say no? I talked to my current pastor and he was upset that I’d say no, said I wasn’t “allowing God to be first” and everything.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/nahannahann on 2023-12-28 23:43:47+00:00.

Leah is 20 & is currently working part time while attending community college part time. She contributes a small percentage of her income (less than 20%) to help with rent/utilities/household expenses and the rest is hers to save/spend. She doesn't have a car and doesn't pay for any other expenses (insurance, etc) as those are all covered.

She's been dating her girlfriend Sophie for almost two years now and they're serious about each other. They're long-ish distance (about an hour away from each other) and only see each other once a month or so. Sophie lives with her family still as well, only she doesn't pay for household expenses and isn't responsible for any chores. Recently they seem to be getting really hype on talking/fantasizing about getting married and picking out engagement rings &tc.

Last night Leah was telling me all these plans. "Sophie is going to get me a sapphire engagement ring when she proposes" "I think I'm going to wear (x)"

And I was like "It all sounds really nice hon, but I hope you're keeping your priorities in line. If you're grown enough to put a ring on your finger, you're grown enough to move out and support yourself."

Leah wasn't happy to hear that and said they can move in together when they get married, and being engaged wouldn't really make any difference so why should she have to move out right away if they get engaged.

& I told her that personally, I don't believe in marrying someone you've never lived with. I think it's terrifically short-sighted, especially because Sophie is 21 and her mom still does everything for her. But also because neither of them truly understand the responsibilities and pressures of supporting themselves. Especially in the current economy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having these fantasies and dreams with a partner, and I emphasized that. My intention was to caution her against getting swept away in it/prioritizing it above other milestones that would help her survive independently.

She told her aunt (my sister) about the conversation later and her aunt called me and chewed me out for spitting on a harmless romantic fantasy. I said if it's really that harmless, she shouldn't be bothered by the idea of having to wait. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Strain_3753 on 2023-12-28 17:10:29+00:00.

My (25f) dad has just retired from his business, and is handing the reins over to his son, “Kai”. He asked me to organise a party for him that is taking place at the end of January, and it was has been a Herculean task (huge guest list, lots of coordination, etc.) and pretty stressful.

I was talking about this to my boyfriend, “Marty”, who has seen me doing all this planning, and he asked if there was anything he could do to make the whole thing less stressful. I said that if he felt okay about it, he could not attend the party.

The background to this is that Marty doesn’t get along with my family very well. Not for any deep reasons, and no one is disrespectful about it, but he doesn’t like them and they don’t like him. Marty is a sweet, sensitive guy, very kind and a people pleaser, whereas my family values bluntness, ambition, and a strong character. They all find Marty a bit disappointing as partner for me and he feels that they’re cold. Everyone is civil, but it’s just not comfortable for me to have to bridge the gap all the time. Marty is also quite socially anxious, especially at “fancy” events, so he’ll likely be a bit clingy at the party while I have to play host, alongside Kai. I love Marty, but all in all, this is an event where I could do with having one less thing in my plate.

Marty was very angry that I asked him not to come, and said I was pandering to my family and he can’t believe I’d rather not have him there. He’s now not really speaking to me.

I think it’s unfair that he’s sulking this much over a simple request, even when I accepted his refusal. I understand if he feels like he needs to be there to make a point, I’m not uninviting him, but I also don’t think I was wrong to pose it as a suggestion, because it really would help me have an easier night.

I wouldn’t have asked him not to come if this was a holiday, or something important/that he would enjoy as well, but this party is a chore for him and really not a thing that impacts his life so I didn’t think it would be a big deal if he didn’t go.

AITA for asking that of him at all?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Appropriate-Roof2153 on 2023-12-28 16:04:00+00:00.

Hello, I haven't been on Reddit for a while, that's why this account is new.

I'm 35 M. My little sister is 22 F. Last year, she told me she was pregnant with her Boyfriend and I was the first and at the time only person she mentioned it at a very early stage. I promised not to tell anyone else until she was ready.

However, time passed and I got no news about her or the pregnancy, I knew she was still alive because of her social media feed, but I saw no signs of the pregnancy progressing, nor anyone else in our family said nothing about the pregnancy.

I tried to contact her but she always ghosted me. She should have given birth in May of this year, but still no baby.

After so long of not knowing about her or the baby, so in July I called a line here on Texas to ask for a wellness check on her and the baby. I got no response. In the months after the rest of our family stopped talking to me without warning.

Before xmas I got a call from her. Right after saying hello she asked me if I called the cops on her. I told her no, I called for a wellness check for her and the baby.

She started crying and telling me that the police came to her home, and was charged for being suspected to have an illegal abortion, the baby miscarried on January and she had a rough time, and now was being questioned about it. She told me the charges were dropped, but she was with our mom at her place when the police came and was "traumatizing" to her and had to explain everything to our mom who had no idea that happened.

I couldn't even finish to tell her my side of the story when she hanged up. I called our mom to ask her what that was about, and she told me it was for the better if I didn't come for xmas.

I feel like I'm being shunned for having reasonable worries and doing what was at my disposal to take care of my sister and my nephew/niece, I don't think is fair but I gotta ask if I was wrong anyway.

edit for some context: As you might guess, there is a gen gap between my sister and I, I left home very early to make my life and for that reason I'm not very close to my family, yes we had some rough patches because of diferences of opinions, but there was never such a bad blood with my family members.

I was geniunely worried about my sister, I didn't call the police on them, it was a call to make sure her and the baby were ok if he had born. I didn't mentioned anything about a posible abortion, I just mentioned that she should have a very young baby. I asked to our mom about her but I had a feeling that I was being left out of the story.

And I'm not really aware of the Texas Laws on reproductive rights, I'm not on the business of knowing every law that comes up, is not something that get's talked a lot in my circle, people has lifes to live and not being all day on the internet raging about laws that probably wont ever affect them, I'm clearing this for people who think that I wanted to intentionally get my sister arrested.

Of course I want to appologize to everyone if I'm just given the opportunity to do so, but for now my sister, mom and other family members don't want to talk to me and I feel like is not fair.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/gloomer42 on 2023-12-28 20:24:49+00:00.

AITA for leaving family Christmas vacation early?

My (29) sister (33) lives in a foreign undeveloped country that is a 12 hour flight away. She invited my mom to come stay with her over Christmas, and suggested 6 weeks from early December to mid January when flights were cheapest (before and after Christmas rush).

She also invited me to come and stay, however I work full time and was unsure when exactly I could come, but I knew had to leave the first week of January. Before booking flights, she said she wanted to organise some new years plans with her friends and asked if I would be happy to entertain our mom whilst she did that (because she did not want us at her new years plans). I agreed and to not get bored, I booked a 3 night guided trip from the 30th to 2nd Jan for me and my mom (the 30th is day after my sister told me she would be leaving with her friends).

I ended up booking my flights very late (well after my mom had arrived and after I booked our guided trip) due to work and booked to come for 13 days. I asked my sister when she would be returning from her plans as I would fly home that day so my mom would not be alone. She told me her trip was 6-7 nights, which I found strange as I thought ‘new years plans’ would be 2-3 days max.

Fast forward to me arriving, I ask my sister if she has confirmed her return flight from her new years plans, and she tells me it’s now a 7-8 night trip. After 3 days of being here and my sister borderline ignoring me and my mom (my sister would just sit in her room with her bf whilst I took my mum sight seeing, they only took us for dinners, and even some nights wanted to just order takeaway), I decide to bring my return flight forward to the day after the guided trip finishes because the city is not very pleasant and there is not much to do (we did all tourist sights in 3 days), my sisters house and the bedroom I’m sleeping in is not very pleasant, and if I am going to sit around not doing anything, I would rather be at home.

I told my mom my decision and tried to convince her to do the same as it seems my sister does not really want us here, however she does not want to cause a fuss so said she will stay alone until my sister gets back from her trip (3 days alone here).

It feels like my sister only wanted me here so that I would entertain our mom so she wouldn’t have to (as above, she did very little with us). My sister has been telling me how I am selfish for leaving my mom alone to go home early, which is true, but I feel like my sister shouldn’t have even gone on a 7/8 night trip whilst she had visitors that she invited here in the first place.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/northwoods_mom on 2023-12-28 07:14:47+00:00.

I (31f) was at my family Christmas day brunch. I have 2 small children -(5m and 1.5f). We were all at my grandma's house, opened presents, having a great time.

*Let me give a back story for a second. My mom complains to me all the time that she hates when her mom tells her how to do anything in life. (Her dad, my maternal grandpa, was a pastor, her mom expected her to live up to every expectation they had and even into het 50s they tell her what shes doing wrong in her life.) This drives my mom nuts and she tells me all the time that she's an adult and she wishes her parents would stop telling her how to parent, how to spend money, etc. however, my mom likes to treat me the same way. She will give unwarranted parenting tips all the time, tell me I'm not enough of a helicopter parent, etc and it drives me absolutely bananas. Like, do you not see that you're being your mom? I digress...

So. It's our first Christmas without my paternal grandpa, at paternal gma and gpas house. I'm sad, as my grandpa isn't there .. he was my favorite human. We got done giving gifts, everyone is laughing and having a good time. My mom prepared my grandpa's signature cheesey potato soup for our brunch and we set in to eat. My daughter is a year and a half and sitting between my husband and I. We were taking turns pulling out chunks of our soup to cool off for said daughter to eat. I touched one of the potato pieces to my lips and it was cool enough to eat so I offered it to my daughter.

She ate it and made a face. She makes faces when she's not sure about textures or flavors, she's really only been eating for 9 months, of course she reacts to new foods.

My mom says: "it's too hot!" I say, "I felt it, it's fine" She says "you burned her, you have to pay attention!"

To which i said, quite calmly for myself, " I have 2 children, I know how to feed them, she's fine, thank you."

My mom's demeanor changed and she pouted for the rest of brunch and everyone changed the subject. I knew she was mad but I was happy for setting my boundary and I knew my daughter was fine, I literally tasted it first.

My mom calls me over after brunch was done and told me to apologize. I asked for what and she said for snapping. I told her I didn't snap, I told her my boundary that was already in place- I know how to parent - dont tell me what to do. She pouted and told me to apologize again.

So I gave her the old "I'm sorry you feel that way."

She told me that wasn't an apology.

I told her I wasn't sorry, so I'm sorry she felt that way.

She told me I was an asshole.

I don't feel that I am.. I'm simply telling her I don't appreciate her stepping in where it's not necessary and I'm not sorry I firmly said what I said. So I told her, I'm not sorry for what I said, but I'm sorry you feel that way.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/evictsis on 2023-12-28 22:59:03+00:00.

My sister has made some poor decisions in life and as a result has poor finances. She had 2 kids with someone who was clearly a dead beat and made excuses for him and is now stuck being a single mum.

3 years ago, she couldn't pay her mortgage and her flat got repossessed. I am a property investor and I quit my job to pursue real estate full time and was able to buy it. By that time, my sister got another job and I agreed to rent it to her. I have only increased her rent by around 20% every year since.

Recently a wealthy individual from Dubai approached me and asked if I could let the flat to him as the location is ideal for some work he has to do in London for the next 2 years. He was willing to pay a little higher than market rate for it, 15% more than what my sister currently pays.

I sent my sister a no fault eviction which asks her to leave in 2 months so I can rent it to the other guy. She can over stay this 2 months and get evicted by ballifs but she eventually chose to go. I had to do this and there have been rumours about the government banning such evictions so I did it as soon as I could which means she left before Christmas. She found another place further away. I don't know what her rent is but my mum told me she doesn't like it and has damp issues.

When I called my sister to invite her for the usual Christmas party at my place she got very angry and refused to come and called me an AH and scum as though the years I helped her out meant nothing. I allowed her to stay in the same place she was familiar with for 3 years and I never said it was forever. Even though I don't have a traditional job, keeping track of the needs of my tenants and properties is a lot of work. I have 12 Flats to deal with and my own home.

Edit: Since it isn't clear, I did her a favour as i charged her under market value rent initially and did slightly higher than market increases every year until it caught up to market value this year, so for 3 years she had it cheaper than market value.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/yofungiiscool on 2023-12-28 21:59:08+00:00.

I (18F) got into all 4 schools I applied EA to which I'm very excited about. The problem is my top school gave me no money (so far FAFSA isn't out yet) and my least favorite school gave me a huge scholarship + I got into their honors program + a summer study stipend.

I'm in the appeal process for my top 3 schools with both financial aid and scholarships. I'm also applying to external scholarships (my goal is 3 a day and so far so good). Basically I've been taking all the right steps that everyone has told me to do.

Here is where I may be the a-hole, I've been talking a lot about college with my parents and trying to put everything into perspective. I've mentioned that big scholarship college is my least favorite and I'm not likely to go there unless I don't get anymore money from other colleges. Then I listed reasons I didn't like it.

It's very small (1k people total), when I went on a tour we weren't allowed to see certain areas that were important for me to see (freshman dorms, theater, any dorms, inside of the classrooms), when I asked about a pre-health program and it's location they just showed me the nursing program which isn't related to the program I want at all, our student tour guide wasn't that nice, and it's too far away from home for me. I will still go for another visit to give it a second chance but it was a shitty first impression.

My mom blew up at this saying that they gave me the money so I should go and that it shouldn't be hard choice. I haven't even sent my appeals yet or heard back from regular decision. At the beginning of this process she was all about going where it feels right (which isn't big scholarship school) and now it's all the finances.

I pointed this out and said how she agreed with my about all these things when we visited (we visited after I applied). I do have a bad habit of bringing up past comments someone has said when a sudden change happens without any reason explained to me and that is what I did. My mom responded to this by mentioning the scholarship and minimal debt. I knew this was just going to go in circles so I stepped away from the conversation. I mean there is more to college than money.

Some context that may be important:

-I will go to grad school

-I do not want to graduate with a lot of debt (hence the applying to a ton of scholarships)

-Divorced parents & my dad is unemployed but he is on the path for a new job

-My parents said they will contribute a certain amount of money that doesn't change more or less no matter what college I go to.

So AITA for not wanting to go to a college I go a huge scholarship from

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mrsmercury123 on 2023-12-28 21:50:05+00:00.

I, 35 female and my husband, 42 male, just welcomed our son about a week and a half ago. We have a 3 year old daughter already, who’s name is an old-timey word name that is pretty unique. We got a lot of flack for her name 3 years ago after naming her. Nothing too harsh but definitely lots of disappointment, questions and comments which were later erased with “I thought that name was really weird at first but as I’ve gotten to know her, it just fits her so well.” I’ve never understood why people need to insert their opinions or advice without being asked but isn’t that the definition of some family member’s personalities? So, it had been a week and we hadn’t named our son yet. We, of course, were getting texts and phone calls daily asking if we had chosen a name. I spent that entire week at the library, listening to podcasts and YouTube videos, reading blogs and forums dedicated to baby names. It was my job to find him the perfect name. We had some names picked out during pregnancy but thought he was going to be a girl and the boy names just didn’t fit him that we had. So, after about a week my husband and I, late at night, found his first and middle name and were jazzed about it but not necessarily looking forward to telling family. We didn’t talk about that part before passing out (then waking up simultaneously throughout the night, yay babies!). My mil calls my husband in the morning and I can vaguely hear the conversation as my husband is telling his mom our son’s name. I can hear her deflated response, fine, whatever. I was in too much of a sleepy fog to tell my husband to ask her to not share his name yet but fell back asleep. I got a great nap and when I woke up I had a few texts from my husband’s family group chat. I should mention, I’m estranged from my mom’s side of the family, I was raised by my grandparents in large and my mom’s family is really toxic to say the least. I should also mention that the name we chose for our son paid homage to my husbands side of the family as well as mine, has easy spelling and his nickname is my grandfathers name. My grandfather raised me and was the closest person to me while on this earth. Ok, so I get a text from mil asking about the spelling of his name, I send that to my mil and also ask her not to share it with everyone yet. She already has. The next message I look at is from my mil’s sister, husband’s aunt. The message is about 6 sentences long, something like “yuk. I am so so sorry this is his name. What are they thinking? They’ve completely doomed their child. This name is so horrific, etc..” it goes on and on with more of the same. I know I’m in a sensitive time being postpartum but also, that is just so uncalled for. I then got a message saying “I didn’t know you were in the group chat, you weren’t suppose to see that.” Duh. This aunt is in her early 70’s, liberal, pretty much with it but always been a bit negative. Her and her sister’s favorite hobby is talking S about people so to think I’ve somehow been immune to that is silly. The reason why this hurts is because I had been thinking we were getting close. I would bring her food when she was sick, do yard work for her, pick up her dog poop when she got in a car crash, etc. she’s the only family member we have living in the same city. So to read this from her, it was awful. And fine, you don’t like a name, whatever. Why do you have to go to such an extent with it? To speak about a newborn baby’s name like that is just beyond mean. So, am I the a hole for never speaking to her again? I am an empathetic person who likes to keep constructive, positive and mostly easy people to be around, around. I learned after dealing with a lot of trauma in my early years that it’s just not worth it to deal with people who aren’t aware enough to at least be constructive during conflict. I don’t think I could talk to this aunt or my mil about this, I believe they would blow up or become defensive. Please let me know what you think below!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaypilot on 2023-12-28 21:41:34+00:00.

Need a sanity check. The wife and I are in an absolute all out argument about it this. I don’t want to get into my job too much, but I’m a very successful pilot for a major airline. One of the best perks of my job is that we can fly standby on almost any airline or flight… so, as long as there is a seat, I can get on for free. I met my wife while working, and while this isn’t my first marriage, it’s my first one where I have made children.

If children are still minors, they are able to travel under the protection of someone at the airport, get escorted to the flight, and then be seated and watched by a flight attendant working the flight. It’s all very safe and regulated, and my wife should know this because she used to work as a flight attendant. She no longer works as her income was negligible compared to the cost of daycare, and our son has some special needs that require more attention- it was best for her to stay home with him.

My son, “John,” is now 13 and the light of my life. He is one of the most extroverted people I know, he’s never met a stranger. Traveling as an unaccompanied minor would be an exciting adventure for him. The issue is, when we travel together standby, we are not allowed to fly in first class with him- it isn’t allowed until he is 18. One option would be to put him in economy while we fly in first, but I think this would almost be more confusing for him, and to be realistic it could cause some problems as he may try to continuously come up to see us.

We leave in a few days for vacation and the chances of getting first class are very good. My wife thinks we should all sit together in economy, since John won’t be allowed in first. We discussed one of us sitting in first only, but I think John will also be wanting to go up and see whichever parent is up there, and he can be very difficult to control when he wants his way- he doesn’t like to hear no and will start throwing a very loud, very noticeable tantrum when he doesn’t get his way.

My proposal is to put John on a flight that leaves about 45 minutes before the flight we would take with first class seats. We would be there at the gate to load him up and hand him off. He arrives just before us, and would be escorted by flight attendants and gate agents to meet us. This would give my wife and I a much needed break, and would be exciting for John. If you knew him, you knew he’d have a great time. He loves meeting new people and could probably talk forever if he didn’t need to breathe- whoever he sits next to will get to hear about how much he is enjoying this adventure, etc.

My wife thinks this is too complicated and “not right.” We are at a standstill, but I think this is a solution where everyone is happy and we don’t need to blow it out of proportion.

TL;DR AITA for sending my son on a different flight than me as an unaccompanied minor that arrives at the same time, allowing my wife and I to fly in first class

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Away-Pressure-5695 on 2023-12-28 19:51:14+00:00.

I (27m) travelled to the UK to a city ive never been before to meet up with an old friend. We met for drinks at a bar and I met his friends (all Europeans around my age), all of whom ive never met before.

After some time my friend leaves and it was just me with 4 of his friends. After getting pretty drunk we all go to mcdonalds to get some food before heading home, this was at around 2am.

At the mcdonalds there was a short and fat guy who the mcdonalds hired as security for that branch (the mcdonalds bouncer i guess?). This guy was extremely rude to the customers and delivery staff who were waiting on orders, barking orders at everyone (he also smelled quite bad).

Either way, i needed to pee so i asked him if I could use the bathroom. He said "no, the closest bathroom is at a department store 15 minutes walk away." I didnt want to walk 15 minutes to use a toilet when i really needed to pee, especially when one was right there. Also, I was certain the one he suggested would be closed, as it was 2am.

So, in a Borat voice, I asked him "but if I give you good price, you have toilet for me, yes?" with a 10 pound note in my hand.

He got extremely upset and began yelling at me. At one point during his tirade he even said "we dont do bribes in this country mate, not in King Charles' England." I was pretty shocked and speechless at this point. I went back into the store when he wasnt looking and used the toilet anyway. I grabbed my food and left, still left dumbfounded as to what has just occurred.

The next day the friends of my friend who accompanied me to get the mcdonalds recounted the story to others. The way the story was told, I came out looking like an entitled asshole who wanted to buy my way through things.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Adept_Jelly2145 on 2023-12-28 19:31:39+00:00.

My (21F) ex (25F) is from another state. She moved down here to be with me. But two months ago she decided she was gonna up and disappear one night. We were both at work and she had come to me at 6 pm asking if I wanted to take a smoke break and I said sure. So we went outside and I sat on the tailgate of the truck and she stood there. We were out there for 5 minutes and she gave me a peck on the lips and then went inside. Around 7 I texted her asking where she was at and got no response. So 40 minutes later I was done and ready to go home. I tried calling her, went straight to voicemail. I texted and went looking for her. Finally I decided that I was ready to go so I went and clocked out. I checked the time she clocked out and it was an hour prior. I went looking for her but couldn’t find her. I didn’t hear from her for over 36 hours.

Fast forward to now. She acts like I have no right to be angry with her. She thinks that everything is gonna be fine and dandy after what she did.

The last day or so she has been trying to get me to let her come get her stuff that she abandoned 2 months ago. First it was she had a ride. Now it’s she has to find another ride. I honestly believe that if my car wasn’t broke down she would beg me to bring her the stuff. But I’m not doing that. She left everything she owned. And I know for a fact if you abandon something for so long you have no rights to the items.

So AITA for not letting her come get her stuff?

Edit: I gave her until the end of November to come get her stuff and she never did. But she’s all about coming to get it now. So should I?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BrerCamel on 2023-12-28 21:01:05+00:00.

I (m39) am on a Christmas holiday with Wife's (f36) family. I have a dairy allergy which means I can't eat butter, milk, yoghurt or cheese. Everyone in the family knows this, especially my mother in law who is in charge of cooking. First two nights for dinner we had raclette ( if you don't what that is, its basically you chop up your own vegetables and fry them on a little stand, then you add cheese which you then grill on the same stand). - raclette is literally just fried chopped vegetables and potatoes unless you have the cheese, and further more it takes about an hour to grill enough to feel full. Ok though, I made it through that, I just had extra nuts and chocolate, its christmas after all.

So on day 3 we were to have a more substantial meal with mash potato, except MiL forgot me and put butter and milk in, and instead of telling me and saying sorry assigned this guy (Wife's sister's partner) who is known as extremely unreliable, depressed, (who also happened to be very ill and not someone you'd want makng your food at all) to make a dairy free mash. He boiled some potatoes and blended them, making a watery potato-only soup consistency broth, and this was served on the table in a saucepan with the rest of the meal that I could have. I asked for a bowl and poured out a portion of the potatoes, and then offered it round to others. No-one wanted any, including the guy who made it, and this was the point in which I just had enough, and got serious angry (inside).

So I made an excuse about having promised to call my Mum and picked up the remaining meal and bowl of watery potatoes and left to another room where I called my Mum, and I poured it down the toilet and just ate bread until I was full.

Wife came in absolutely fuming telling me I'd hurt the guy's feelings, and that it was so rude to leave the dinner table. I laid my cards on the table, why have I not been thought of for every single meal, I'm never asked what I want, and its not hard to make things dairy free, or to buy some extra stuff etc etc. Wife says I should just suck it up, and that the guy made an effort. I replied that he is not a kid, if I made something that atrocious I would not expect anyone to eat it like he was a child whose feelings I shouldn't hurt. I'm now in the dog house, apparently no-one bought my needing to call my Mum story. AITA here?

EDIT: I forgot to mention they all barely speak English, as we are in France, my wife is half French. This goes some of the way perhaps to me not being involved in meal discussions.

EDIT 2: It's not really possible for me to cook my own food in this situation, its hard to explain but MiL and that side of the family are the cooks, and we don't really get input, and we offer to help and are turned down.

EDIT 3: MiL has known me for 5 years, and knows about the intolerance. She is just forgetting me, which is ok, it happens. I basically got mad because they served me something basically inedible, and acted like nothing was wrong rather than just saying sorry and getting me bread.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LocalLesbo81 on 2023-12-28 18:49:06+00:00.

My (19F) girlfriend (18F) received a PS5 from her best friend on Christmas. She has been playing a lot of games and I have no issue with that, being a gamer myself. Although yesterday while I was making my younger brother dinner, I messaged her to ask how she was. She responded an hour and a half later stating that she was playing COD with her sister, who had invited my girlfriend’s ex boyfriend to play with them. For context, my girlfriend’s ex is a horrible person. He dated her when she was 15, and claimed to be 16 despite being nearly 8 years older than her. He proceeded to sexually, physically, mentally, and verbally abuse her up until last year when she broke up with him and got with me. He was an extremely controlling and toxic individual and I’ve made sure to keep him away from her. When I confronted her about not wanting them to talk to each other or play games together, she became extremely defensive and began ignoring me as well as being very dry over the phone. I sent her a message this morning after I woke up stating that I simply am uncomfortable with her having contact with him after what he put her through but have not received a response. I want a healthy relationship with this woman and I feel as if she is angry at me for wanting to set boundaries, and have a real commitment relationship. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/JJB_PM1198 on 2023-12-28 17:32:55+00:00.

Background:

yesterday I got the urge to get a haircut. I wanted wispy face framing bangs and decide to go to a random salon. The place I ended up going to was advertised as a barber shop (probably my first mistake) I walked in and saw a sign that said they did women’s hair cuts along with other services that catered to women. I still asked the ladies if they did women’s haircuts and if they could cut my hair and they said yes.

Service and experience:

I told the stylist I wanted wispy bangs and she said she needed a picture. I showed her the picture and she commented that the hair would be in my eyes and asked if that was okay I said yes I actually wanted it longer than the picture and she said okay. There was silence for a while which I’m fine with. Here’s the conversation she started

Stylist: do you speak Spanish

Me: yes, but I understand better than I speak.

I live in a predominantly Mexican/latino town. Usually when people ask this question and I give my answer they say something along the lines of oh that’s good you need to practice more though. I’m guessing she was asking this to see if she could talk shit about me to the other stylist.

Stylist: your hair is really dry; you don’t wash it do you? You have dandruff you need to be washing your hair every day.

I know from personal experience and advice from other stylists that this is wrong so I just brush the comment off. More silence for about 2 minutes

stylist: you don’t use conditioner do you? I can tell

Me: no I do use conditioner

Stylist: hmm your hair is really dry you need to use it more often

Me: okay

Stylist: how often do you wash your hair?

Me: every other day. One day I’ll wash it the next day I won’t.

Stylist: yeah you need to wash your hair every day it’s dry

Stylist: what products do you use?

Me: I can’t really remember. I use shampoo and conditioner and then a leave in conditioner

Stylist: why do you use that product? It’s because you don’t wash your hair

Me: I use it after I wash my hair

Not sure if she thought I meant dry shampoo. I don’t use that anyway

I don’t think it was her calling my hair dry that upset me, I think it was the way she was saying it. She wasn’t giving advice, at least not good advice and she kinda stuck to the same spiel. Sounded like she was trying to shame me.

The bangs she cut weren’t blended or anything. Very blunt cut straight across. She showed me the end result I said it was fine, paid her, left, got back home and cried.

I just went to my usual salon and my stylist was able to blend in the bangs better and she even fixed the overall trim I got.

Would I be the asshole if I went back the stylist and told her how rude she was and let her know she did a bad job? Or should that have been something I should’ve taken care of after she was done with my hair?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/serieshunter on 2023-12-28 20:45:10+00:00.

So I live out of state with my husband of 5 yrs, we live in a weed legal state, my husband has a medical marijuana card because of certain medical conditions. My parents have been hinting they want to come visit and stay for 3-4 months the only issue is they are extremely against any smoking especially marijuana. I explained to my parents who are extremely old school that sure they can visit but my husband does smoke after work for pain and to wind down he works 6days a week 16 hrs days. Immediately they said well when we are there he can’t smoke and that’s final. I find it unfair that my parents would even say this or expect something like that because well my husband’s parents have a different mindset they always say hey you pay the bills here we are just guest and don’t make a fuss about him smoking . My husband sacrifices so much and works so hard so and he doesn’t drink or anything else so one joint is so minor in my eyes. My parents then involved my siblings who were writing me and calling me disrespectful and I have no manners etc. My dad literally used to down bottles of liquor after work and be extremely annoyingly loud and drunk and rude when we were growing up, but my mom would always defend it saying “he’s the man of this house who works hard leave him alone” so AITA for telling my parents just don’t visit our place and we will make the financial sacrifice to go visit them instead 2x a year for a weekend (obviously not staying under their roof we will get our own hotel car rental things of those sorts)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Objective-Cicada-359 on 2023-12-28 17:32:21+00:00.

My 18yo son Taylor is "friends" with this girl named Anna. They knew each other since junior year, went to senior prom and go to the same college. He insists they are just friends and have never done anything. coughbullshitcough

I'm actually annoyed he just won't come out and admit they are dating. He asked if she can spend today through New Year's at our house before they go back to school. I said sure. I'll have your mom make up the spare downstairs room. He said no need. She will just "crash" in his upstairs room.

I said uh no. According to you, you two aren't a couple and I'm not down with a coed sleeping party. He said they were adults and friends and I didn't get that because I'm "old." I said I might be "old" but it's my house and you're setting a horrible example for your 11 and 7yo brothers. I told him to man the fuck up, be an adult, be honest with your "friendship" with Anna and I'll reconsider.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sure-Oven493 on 2023-12-28 20:02:15+00:00.

I (m21) live with my mom while I go to college. I have a brother, Alex (m28). Alex is married and has three kids, ages 7, 5 and 2.

Our parents are immigrants and come from a culture where family helps family, not the kind where parents expect their kids to move out when they turn 18. Alex and his wife had a lot of help off of our mom. They stayed in the house rent free and didn't move out until they were expecting their third. They did no housework or cooking which me and my mom had to do, and my mom was the one who took the kids to and from school and daycare. They both worked full-time and would say they are too tired but so did me and my mom.

I had to sleep on an air mattress in the living room while they were here, as our house only has three bedrooms.

It sounds selfish but I'm glad they are out of the house. My mom gives them money every month to help them with their utilities, and pays for their phone bills and internet bill.

In November, my mom asked Alex if she could take the kids to this meet Santa event before Christmas and he agreed. A couple days prior to the event, they had an argument over the phone as Alex had assumed my mom would be paying, when actually she expected Alex to pay. FYI it was like 10 dollars per child. Alex said to just forget it as the kids are not going, and he told our mom that she needs to "set her priorities straight".

Alex was actually way angrier about this than I thought as he and his wife just didn't turn up to our home on Christmas when they said they would and when my mom called them, they said they "forgot". They turned up the next day and took the presents for the kids and left after 5 minutes, saying they had other plans. This really upset my mom and after they left she was crying.

Im just been fed up with Alex's behavior and upsetting our mom, and yesterday I confronted him in person as he was complaining about how he and his wife feel "unsupported by the family" with their kids. I said he needs to grow up and either be more grateful or stop depending on our mom, and he needs to apologise to her. He said it's none of my business and it's not like he's forcing her to give them money, she can stop if she wants. I said that's not the point and he's acting like a spoiled brat. He started cussing me out and called me a f*cking idiot, and said to stay in my own lane.

Alex has since refused to talk to me and his wife said I'm not allowed to be around their kids because of my "toxic behavior". My mom is mostly on my side but she said it wasn't my place to say anything. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/KeyFix4543 on 2023-12-28 04:59:54+00:00.

I(22female) live with my 24 roommate Erin. I have two big dogs and Erin has one 6 year old cat. Erin hates dogs and recently something tragic happened to Erin's cat and now the cat Is bat ____ afraid of my dogs.

I told him to temporary place his cat with someone else until his lease Is broke and he just looked at me like I was crazy. He said I should be the one leaving since his cat Is the 'victim' which Is funny because my dogs are no where near the cause of the cat's terror.

I told him I wouldn't be leaving and when It comes time to renew my lease that I would be renewing It. He called me selfish and entitled.

For some context I've lived here for 5 years with my first dog and 3 years with second dog. Erin and his cat moved In LAST year. If anybody Is leaving It's Erin. I wasn't even going to resort to someone leaving but Erin says there Is nothing that can help the cat so someone has to leave so I said him.

Why would I leave when I've lived here for longer than him. Also this happened because he chose to let his nuisance (I call his cat a nuisance because they are.. or at least that's what our neighbors call It) of a cat outdoors even though I told him many stray dogs and other wild animals roam our neighborhood. So AITA?

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Individual_Worry_483 on 2023-12-28 17:43:32+00:00.

My mom was a single mom to me until I (28M) was 7. She then met my stepdad Joe and married him. Joe had been divorced for 3 years and had two kids 6F and 4M at the time. Joe's relationship with his ex-wife was hostile, possibly the most hostile I have ever witnessed even today. Joe's ex decided her and Joe's kids should never treat my mom with respect and she had them treating my mom like she was the other woman. I was upset for my mom at the time and she told me they would grow up and realize what their mom had done and they would come around, at least to the point of being civil.

I think at some point my mom saw her stepkids as a challenge she needed to win. She went out of her way to win them over and there were many times it came at my expense. The worse they treated her the more she focused on them and forgot she had an actual son who loved and needed her. Joe was fine but he worked a lot so I felt abandoned by my mom and I felt like my mom wouldn't even notice if I was gone.

When Joe's kids were teenagers their mom died and they moved in with us permanently. Before this they were at our house every other week. Them moving in was hell. They would yell insults at my mom on a daily basis, would tell her they wished she had died instead of their mom, they called a disgusting, repulsive whore who infected everyone she met. They spread a rumor around high school that mom had cheated on Joe and had infected him.

Joe had his kids in therapy, he had talks with them, issued consequences for their mistreatment of my mom. But at no point did it stop and equally, at no point my mom gave up.

When I moved out for college it became clear to me that mom was going to stay more concerned with her stepkids than with me. She was disinterested when I introduced her to my wife (we met in college). She really didn't take much of an interest in our wedding planning. She was busy trying to get Joe's kids to see her because once they moved out they told Joe they would only see him alone. Once or twice his kids asked my mom for money and that kept her holding on.

When my wife and I had our first child is when I gave up. My mom showed zero interest and didn't make any effort to meet my daughter for weeks and when she did meet her there was still zero interest.

Joe went to his kids for Christmas this year and left my mom home. Mom sent me a text saying this and I ignored it. Two days ago she left a voice message saying I should have invited her to my house for Christmas so she wasn't alone and could be with her son and grandchildren. I called her right back and told her she can't discard us and then expect me to invite her to Christmas. I told her she wanted to chase people who would rather see her dead and would dance on her grave than her son who loves her so she can fuck off and leave me alone and stop trying to make us her consolation prize.

Mom claimed I was cruel and out of line with how I treated her. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Lost_Risk_3235 on 2023-12-28 16:10:13+00:00.

My sister has two now adult kids. Her son is 21 and her daughter is 18 and both of them told her in the last month or so that they plan to legally change their names. My nephew is George and my niece is Katherine. The kids always had nicknames as kids and asked people not to use their whole names but it was was my niece who was the most vocal about the hatred she had for her name. She said Katherine made her think of the old lady who lived down the street from her and she felt like it was a really old lady name or a name someone who wanted to appear so mature would have. She wanted a name that sounded younger and in middle school she started to go by the name Ember, after a character she adored in a book. Ember has stuck and she plans to make that her legal name.

George was never as outspoken but in the last few years (mostly since he moved out of his parents house)he has been Ryder to his friends. Now he has decided he wants to make Ryder his legal name.

My sister was upset with one wanting to change but with both she's got a mix of sadness and anger about it. She and my niece have argued a lot. My sister told her wanting to sound young is a dumb reason to change her name. She told her the name Katherine has a lot of history surrounding it and sounds far more adult which she now is. She told her she just wants a trendy modern name and can't see the benefit to having a real name. She hasn't been as harsh with my nephew but she goes more for the guilt trips with him more so and she has tried with my niece too, just more with my nephew.

It got to the point that I heard from both my niece and nephew that their mom is driving them crazy and my nephew is considering changing his middle name like his sister plans to change hers, since their mom is being so extreme about this. My niece said she doesn't want either name her mom gave her and would rather have just a first name than carry around names she doesn't like.

So I decided to talk to my sister and she told me she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. She told me they are her kids and she has every right to try to convince them to do the right thing. I told her she should still lay off the guilt trips or she might find she hears way less from her kids than she does now and they might be less inclined to tell her stuff in the future, which she also wouldn't like. She told me to leave after telling me I had crossed a line.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Connect-Bet5983 on 2023-12-28 20:22:55+00:00.

I’m 30F. My mom is 65F. My sister is 38F.

My sister’s son is 10 months old. She’s basically a single mother. She works a full-time job and is the breadwinner, and is also the parent who takes care of the baby the most. The father only works part-time as a waiter to focus on his “art” (making music). He says he can’t look after the kid because he’s tired after his part-time job. They are struggling with money and have downgraded to a smaller apartment to save on rent. My mom has been giving them money every month and buying them baby stuff. Me and my mom (mostly my mom) have been helping her take care of the child. She spends a week out of the month over their apartment to help take care of the baby. My mom comes home and I go over there for the next week. We have been alternating like that. It’s taken a toll on my mom’s mental and physical health. I also don’t like it because I feel like I should be focusing on my own life

My sister is pregnant again. Me and my mom are horrified that she is keeping it. She also announced that she is breaking up with her boyfriend and that he isn’t going to coparent. My mom is nearing retirement and told me she doesn’t want my sister and her kids to depend on her. My mom said she mentally, physically and financially can’t help my sister with raising 2 babies. I also did not sign up for this responsibility. So we set some boundaries with her and told her we won’t be helping as much and if she keeps the baby she needs to figure out the child care by herself. My sister got upset and complained to her auntie (my mom’s sister). Now that side of the family is calling us selfish. Are we the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bluejay2913 on 2023-12-28 19:25:05+00:00.

Sorry the title is awful I know. I admit my mental state is very emotional right now so I don’t know if im being self centred or if im in the right here.

Let me try to summarise the situation:

My husband’s sister is getting married in Feb. I am on the border of my 1st/2nd trimester right now.

Currently in laws are visiting husband and I in our country.

I got hospitalised twice with a threatened miscarriage and while baby and I are thankfully okay, I’ve been put on bedrest.

MIL offered to stay with us until Feb when we would’ve travelled to their home for the wedding anyway.

She will still be there for most of a month before the wedding, she just won’t be available to do running around errands in January

So to be clear my MIL is absolutely not going to be missing the wedding OR the last last minute stuff OR the bridal shower etc. IN ANY WAY

I haven’t said yes either way but I guess she told SIL because she reached out and was like obviously I want mum at home but if you’re not well then I’m happy for her to stay with you guys and I’ll just figure out the rest of the wedding planning myself.

I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me.

I feel bad because my MIL has been the driving force in organising the wedding and like I guess I could just figure things out and deal with the consequences.

I don’t want to be the reason my SIL’s wedding ends up slapdash or indeed keep her parents away from her in her last month as a singleton.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Individual_Worry_483 on 2023-12-28 17:43:32+00:00.

My mom was a single mom to me until I (28M) was 7. She then met my stepdad Joe and married him. Joe had been divorced for 3 years and had two kids 6F and 4M at the time. Joe's relationship with his ex-wife was hostile, possibly the most hostile I have ever witnessed even today. Joe's ex decided her and Joe's kids should never treat my mom with respect and she had them treating my mom like she was the other woman. I was upset for my mom at the time and she told me they would grow up and realize what their mom had done and they would come around, at least to the point of being civil.

I think at some point my mom saw her stepkids as a challenge she needed to win. She went out of her way to win them over and there were many times it came at my expense. The worse they treated her the more she focused on them and forgot she had an actual son who loved and needed her. Joe was fine but he worked a lot so I felt abandoned by my mom and I felt like my mom wouldn't even notice if I was gone.

When Joe's kids were teenagers their mom died and they moved in with us permanently. Before this they were at our house every other week. Them moving in was hell. They would yell insults at my mom on a daily basis, would tell her they wished she had died instead of their mom, they called a disgusting, repulsive whore who infected everyone she met. They spread a rumor around high school that mom had cheated on Joe and had infected him.

Joe had his kids in therapy, he had talks with them, issued consequences for their mistreatment of my mom. But at no point did it stop and equally, at no point my mom gave up.

When I moved out for college it became clear to me that mom was going to stay more concerned with her stepkids than with me. She was disinterested when I introduced her to my wife (we met in college). She really didn't take much of an interest in our wedding planning. She was busy trying to get Joe's kids to see her because once they moved out they told Joe they would only see him alone. Once or twice his kids asked my mom for money and that kept her holding on.

When my wife and I had our first child is when I gave up. My mom showed zero interest and didn't make any effort to meet my daughter for weeks and when she did meet her there was still zero interest.

Joe went to his kids for Christmas this year and left my mom home. Mom sent me a text saying this and I ignored it. Two days ago she left a voice message saying I should have invited her to my house for Christmas so she wasn't alone and could be with her son and grandchildren. I called her right back and told her she can't discard us and then expect me to invite her to Christmas. I told her she wanted to chase people who would rather see her dead and would dance on her grave than her son who loves her so she can fuck off and leave me alone and stop trying to make us her consolation prize.

Mom claimed I was cruel and out of line with how I treated her. AITA?