Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Reasonable_Ad2556 on 2024-01-18 09:01:04+00:00.

I’m an Indian and met a guy via family. It was a long distance thing. We talked for about 4 months on audio and video calls and after a few personal meet ups we decided to get engaged. He flew in to meet me and while we were out in a club a random girl came in to talk. She probably talked for 10min, mostly to him and sparingly to me. She was also leaning in close to him since there was music. All the while that she was talking he was holding her by her waist. It did put me off and I discussed this with him. He started by denying it first and then said that he was not aware that it would put me off and he would ensure it does not happen again. At this point I’m conflicted if I can pass it as a one time instance or should consider as a major red flag(since it was very initial of the relation and he is still ok doing this and then denied it at first).

TLDR: I went on a date with my finance and he was holding a random girl by waist while talking to her, should I pass it off as a one time thing?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Substantial-Score633 on 2024-01-18 08:53:04+00:00.

during arguments between me (18 f) and my bf (19 m) i often want to take a bit of time to cool off, and so i ask for it. this request of mine really hurts him because apparently “if you need to be away from your partner to calm down, you don’t love or care about them”

everytime i do want space i usually preface it by saying “hey, can i please have some space for x amount of time (usually 5 minutes or so, sometimes longer) to cool off?” and he gets extremely angry. recently we’ve been getting into a lot of arguments because it “kills” him that i need space and i shouldn’t ask for space because of that, and that i don’t care about him or love him and he’s the only one that wants to fix things.

what do i do?

TL;DR! - me asking for space hurts my bf. what do i do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SeaFaithlessness7435 on 2024-01-18 08:39:54+00:00.

Okay, for context, I (47F) want to try and explain our family tree and how we are related. I will be using fake names. My son is 21 years old. My husband's name is John, and John's cousin's name is Kevin. Kevin's mom and my husband's dad are siblings, which is obviously how Kevin and John are cousins. Kevin is a very successful lawyer with his own law firm, and he has a 22-year-old son and prostitutes. Apparently, they engaged in drug use and slept with the hookers there. Now, after finding out, I don't know what to do or how to punish my son.

Talking to Kevin won't help because he says that since his son is an "adult," he can do what he wants, but I don't feel that way. My son is still a child, and I feel like he needs to be punished. He's too young to be drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around, and right now I don't know what to do. Apparently, his cousin told him not to care about what I have to say since they're adults, and what my son does isn't "any of my business." I'm livid, and I don't know what to do. I told my son he wasn't allowed to see his cousin, but he just laughed and said, "I'm an adult, and I will hang out with who I want." I told him no, I don't want him hanging out with him. Any advice?

TLDR: My son has been hanging out with his problematic cousin

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nikzz56 on 2024-01-18 08:37:47+00:00.

This is so hard for me. Last summer I started to realise little occasions where change from my bag has disappeared and then my purse. At first I let it go but second time I started to get paranoid/crazy and didn’t know what to think. Little time passed and fast forward to December my mum tells me 2 of her rings which she knew she didn’t misplace, she can’t find now and till now are missing. A significant amount of dad’s money went missing too where he never ever lost money. Especially if it’s 3K. More expensive jewerly (2 more rings + necklace) from mums room have gone missing where she bought them the day before. Initially, we thought it could be my sister she’s 9 and could have been playing with mums things upstairs. We let it go and told ourselves if my boyfriend is guilty, time will tell. It is now January and last night I’ve realised cash from my envelope is missing. I now know 100% this couldn’t have been my sister and the only option is to confront my boyfriend about this. I’m nervous because this could result in a breakup. I’m so shaken up I don’t know what to think. We’ve been together for almost 8 months and I’m having a difficult time processing that this could be him especially that he’s my first boyfriend.. but there’s no other logical explanation. He’s been acting normally towards me too; loving, caring. I’m so scared this situation makes me physically sick I’ve never been in this situation before. How can I confront him about this?

tl;dr I suspect boyfriend is stealing from me and I don’t know how to confront him about this

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA344789031 on 2024-01-18 08:34:32+00:00.

I’ve made a few posts recently about how much of a hard time me and my partner are having. It seems like each fight just bleeds into the next.

Tonight we went to a gig with her friend and we having a really good time. The last few days we’ve had some hard conversations about our relationship as a whole, but I felt like we started to get things back on track.

We were dancing and laughing, putting on silly voices and singing along to the band. She starts recording a video, and I say to her “oh you’re just recording the same vid you did in (another city we saw the band in).” And made the same stupid noises we’d been making all night. At the time I remember her finding it funny, and she sort of elbowed me jokingly and we got back to watching the band.

Except all of a sudden she’s not really looking at me, talking to me, dancing with me or anything, only paying attention to her friend and seeming annoyed with me.

I ask her what’s wrong, she says nothing and turns away. After half an hour of what I felt was essentially the cold shoulder (her no longer enjoying any part of the gig with me or paying attention to me), I asked if we could talk outside for a minute because I felt panicky.

She said no, she was watching the gig. I said it felt like something was wrong, and she shrugged me off. Eventually got her outside and she said she felt hurt that I ruined her video, I apologised and said that wasn’t my intention, I was just trying to rib her like we’d been doing all night to each other. She didn’t accept that and asked if we could go back in. We did, and she still paid no attention to me.

Before we got back in the car with her friend I asked if we could resolve things, that it was just a miscommunication. She was just angry and told me to go away/leave her alone.

What do I do?? I don’t understand why the switch flipped so badly when it was just a rubbish joke.

Tl;dr: I made a shit joke after having a great time with my gf, she’s now ignoring me and not accepting any apology

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/fallnights on 2024-01-18 08:30:06+00:00.

We have been together for four years and I really don’t want to give up on him but I feel extremely bummed about this entire situation and don’t know how much more I can handle with him.

For context, he has cheated on me a few times in the past. We’ve been working through it and I think he’s improved but I still find it hard to fully trust him. The first time I caught him cheating was when I went through his phone and saw he was trying to meet an old coworker up for sex and he was sending her nudes. I dug a little deeper and discovered he kept searching the same 5 women for MONTHS on social media. One of them is his ex from 7 years ago and he actually tried to reach out to her while we were together. I questioned him about it, he claims those are woman he would have fucked in the past but he’s moved on. He said he would stop searching them on social media.

Two years later, I have a really bad feeling in my gut and decide to check his phone. Lo and behold, he’s been stalking the same girls on social media this entire time + plus a few new girls. There’s never any men or any of his guy friends. Just strictly women. I ask him about it once again and he said he searches other women when he’s mad at me and feel likes sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.

I’m at a loss. Our relationship is far from perfect but it has improved a lot within the past year. But I don’t know if I can handle the social media thing. None of those women look anything like me. I’m a blonde with small boobs and he goes after girls with huge fake boobs and dark hair. Plus, I can’t forget the comment that he sometimes thinks about being with them instead of me. We were having some issues in the bedroom and I know porn was the cause of it, but now I’m starting to wondering if he’s just not physically attracted to me in general.

I just feel useless. I feel like I’m not his type physically. I think he would leave me for another woman if the opportunity arose. I feel like he’s settling. I don’t know if I should move on or just brush my feelings to the side and made it work. I feel insecure. How should I deal with this?

TL:DR my boyfriend only searches girls on social media, never any guy coworkers or friends. It’s making me insecure. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Extension-Mango7641 on 2024-01-18 08:16:30+00:00.

tl;dr - partner and i had a hard talk last saturday, and a less hard talk tonight. i feel that this is the beginning of the end, but i’m not ready to give up

obvious burner account, i can’t risk her finding out i’m turning to reddit for something that i’ve been made aware that there isn’t an answer to. Emily and I have known each other since the 6th grade, and always got along well and even had a bit of a secret crush on each other all through school, but we never knew it. fast forward to a couple months ago, I reached out to her to see how she’d been not really expecting anything to come of it. as time passed, i grew attached and infatuation with this girl, she really is the best thing to happen to me in a very long time. we text all day long, nights of intense affection, hours of phone calls - the works. she has it all, and she has expressed a lot of interest in me.

I have to disclose though, that she’s going through a lot right now. the reason i call her my partner and not my girlfriend is because technically, we arent dating. we do all the dating things, just without the title - that scares her a lot and she says she isn’t ready for it, which i respect and do not try to push her into anything she doesn’t want to be a part of. it was a discussion that we had very early on and i have made it clear she can take all the time she needs and that i’ll just be here when she’s ready.

things seem like they’re changing though, and i don’t know what did or when. everything was so perfect, until one night i got in my head a little bit and she asked about it, so i told her. for the sake of your sanity, allow me to paraphrase. i told her that i felt like she pulled back, i told her that i felt hidden, and i told her that when she said she was still into this that it felt more like she was trying to convince me than actually meaning it. we were very kind in our talk, we always are - we are both very strong communicators. after we expressed and addressed our grievances, we decided that it was best to finish that talk in person. almost a week had passed, 5 days today actually and we still havent spoken about it.

while we still talk daily, and everything seems fine over text, tonight… seemed off. i’m currently laying in her bed, she’s left to take care of her daughter which means she’s probably in there for the night. tonight when i got here, she was so fast to jump on my lap and kiss me, wrap me up in the tightest and most loving hug. we went to her room, and we were having a blast watching movies. she said she didn’t feel like cuddling, and i just asked “ok thats fine, is everything okay” and she said yes, she’s just not the most lovey dovey and she knows i’ll hate hearing it. that was followed shortly by “i didn’t think you’d actually come over, so i didn’t shave or anything (we sleep without cloths) and i said “thats ok baby, i didn’t think you wanted to tonight” and apparently that stressed her out. i just thought she didn’t want to do the lovey dovey stuff tonight and i was taking that into consideration. now she thinks that i’m in my head, and when i told her that i’m not letting it get to me, i dont think she believed me. her disbelief led to another (much easier than last) conversation, but with each talk it seems like she drifts further and further.

i’m desperately trying to put the pieces together, figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. she says we need to just chill and have fun, and not worry about wether or not it works. she says she doesn’t think its fair that i wait for her and “let her drag me through this” but all i want to do is support her and reassure her that i’m here when she’s ready and that time isn’t a factor. she says i dont deserve that but the truth is i feel like i don’t deserve her. any help or advice is appreciated and if you want more details, please.. ask. dm’s are open too.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EmilyInPain on 2024-01-18 08:15:52+00:00.

so i (25F) did something incredibly awful. i had a close friend (24/F) who was kind of toxic (friend for about 7 years) - i won't go into it because there's too much, but she considers me her best friend. basically i ghosted her and haven't talked to her in a year. i stopped picking up her calls, replying to her messages, and texts. tomorrow is her birthday and i have been invited to all of her birthdays since we became friends. i feel so incredibly guilty for having reached a point in the friendship where my only option is to distance myself, but i just don't want to be her friend anymore. i can't stand the lack of respect in the friendship. but i also am avoiding confrontation because i don't want to hurt her. i know that if i have to be honest, if i have to say every reason i don't want to be her friend, that it will ruin her. and even though i don't want to be her friend, i still care about her.

when i first ghosted her i thought it was going to be a break - that i would respond to her messages after i had some distance from her. but my life honestly became so much more peaceful and better the longer i didn't talk to her, so i kept putting it off. and i also didn't know what to say - i didn't want to make it a big dramatic thing where i called off our friendship and made it awkward if i saw her in mutual friend hangouts. so i thought, maybe after a break, i can come to this friendship, but decrease the level of communication so the resentment wouldn't build. but now it's been a year and i can't just be like "oh sorry i was busy how are you?" and act like everything is normal. idk what to do or if i should just leave it because the last time she messaged me was in august so maybe she has moved on and messaging her around her bday will open up a wound.

so my options are basically:

a) talk casually and apologize for ghosting, and reduce communication and the level of friendship moving forward

b) tell her i don't want to be her friend, which i've never done and don't have the guts to do and don't even know how explain every disrespectful thing she did to me

c) just never respond again

i am honestly torn. i feel so guilty and i know i'm an awful person for doing this. but i didn't want to hurt anyone and in doing so, i ended up hurting her anyways. please help

TL;DR; ghosted a close friend for a year. tmrw is her bday. wondering what i should do moving forward - should i message, continue ghosting, or end the friendship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Starcube13 on 2024-01-18 08:15:33+00:00.

My (22f) boyfriend (28m) spoils me too much and it makes me feel insecure

This is probably the dumbest thing to be insecure about but it’s just how I feel. We obviously have a pretty few year age difference between and he is much more “established” than I am. He enjoys buying me things because he enjoys seeing me happy but sometimes it gets to me. I feel like I have nothing to offer to our relationship because he just keeps giving and giving. Plus when he keeps giving, he goes ALL out and then I feel like there’s nothing I can do to match up to what he does.

I’ve never actually told him this because I don’t want to come off as ungrateful. We’ve only been together for almost a year and he’s already bought me more things than my parents have on each Christmas (and they bought me many things). My birthday is coming up and he’s already talking about some huge thing he has planned for me.

I guess it’s not really him that’s the issue, it’s just me. I’m not used to just one person doing so much for me without me reciprocating the same.

Tl;dr: I feel like I can’t match up to anything my boyfriend does when he gives things to me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dreaming_Ocean on 2024-01-18 08:02:44+00:00.

I (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been together for around 3 months. My girlfriend has serious health issues and i'm really worried about her but she doesnt seem to care or basically do anything to improve her health. I already told her that if she wants to make me any happier she should focus more on her health and she said shes trying but honestly it looks like she doesnt care about her health at all. Another problem with my gf is that she always takes all blame on herself and feels guilty. I mean she literally apologises for every single thing even if its absolutely not her fault. How do i talk to her about this issue without making her feel guilty or take blame?

TL;DR: my gf doesnt care about her health and always blames herself for everything. How do i talk to her about this problem without making her feel guilty?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Honeydew8581 on 2024-01-18 07:51:31+00:00.

I met my boyfriend this past September (turned romantic in October & officially dating in November) after a horrible breakup with my ex that ended in August. My ex was narcissistic which involved cheating, manipulation, & a lot of emotional abuse. All of which, I have not kept from my current boyfriend. I've been 110% honest about the whole healing process & how I'm feeling.

There's been little rough patches, but I've been communicating & holding myself accountable because I remind myself he isn't my ex & we've made it through in healthy ways which has made things smooth sailing, but my current boyfriend reactivated a profile he hasn't had active in years & l've seen things that he hasn't been truthful about which involve exes like how he felt/how many women he's told he loved.. I don't know if I'm overreacting or what.

I need opinions. I know I have a lot of trauma & just the thought of even being lied to, big or small feels like a huge betrayal after everything I just went through the past few years with my ex. I don't know if I should approach this or let it be?

Help. :(

TL;DR

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AnyGood821 on 2024-01-18 07:33:15+00:00.

Did he block me?

I (31F) got into a little argument about 2 hours ago with my SO (50M). Dating about 4 months. He wanted to leave it alone and change the subject but I stupidly went bat shit crazy over text (I've been really hormonal after taking a few doses of plan B and my regular birth control, I normally don't act like this). I went bat shit crazy over text after he said he wanted to leave it alone and sent maybe 15-20 texts about how I felt and then asked him to call me. I realize this is all my fault because we had just been on the phone for almost 2 hours and I was so upset but I kinda calmed down after I sent those messages and just wanted to hear his voice and apologize to him.

I felt so bad in the moment and the only thing that I thought would help was just hearing his voice again and getting reassurance. He didn't answer. In desperation I proceeded to call him 22 times. The first few times were trying to get a hold of him as I told him I wasn't okay and then I got upset that he didn't care to pick up so I called over and over thinking he might realize something is actually wrong because I've never done this before. I accepted that he wasn't going to answer but I felt like I needed to keep trying so at that point I could apologize genuinely.

About an hour after continued to call, his phone went straight to voicemail. That is not like him. I've had some bad relationships in the past but my mind went to what if he blocked me and he's never going to speak to me again because I realize I had gone batshit on him. So then I called every so often to see if the phone went to voicemail each time and it did. I tried to ease my mind that I wasn't blocked and it would ring again and that's why I kept calling. Then I texted him begging to tell me why he blocked me because this has never happened before and he is the type of guy to tell me something is really wrong if he was going to do something like that. And also he is the type of guy to end something, not just block and never speak to me again.

I'm too upset tonight to sleep and I'm scared to *67 his number because that will look more crazy and I honestly don't want to believe that he would block me over my first hormonal freakout. So I haven't tried that.

I tried to research any clues for what happens when you're blocked over text messages too. He has T-Mobile, I have Verizon and I have my delivery reports on. Iooked back through our old messages that he's replied to and my delivery reports for him have always said "sent" never received like the ones I get between Verizon phones. The texts I sent him after I suspected of being blocked also had the same "sent" status next to them so all that appears normal. I'm not going to be able to go through and see any of them "received" like if he has his phone turned off and turned it back on. The report will be the same so it's like I can't know whether he has me blocked over text or not.

I'm leaning towards his phone being off after I called and texted so much. Each time I tried to call him once it started going to voicemail there was no one ring and then to voice mail, there was no ring at all. Like as if you had your phone off, or on airplane mode or DND. In my last toxic relationship I knew he had blocked me when his phone would ring once and then go to voicemail. My SO is an introvert and the last thing he said after our small argument was that everything was fine, please let this go. So I basically had a 2 hour long fight with myself while he either fell asleep or was doing something else and then decided to either block me or turn his phone off. I'm scared to call even one more time because I already look so crazy. He hasn't responded to any of my texts even asking if we're okay, at this point he could be asleep though. It's all my fault. Plan B also gave me major mood swings the last time I took it (I've taken it 3 times in 2 weeks) and the last time we hungout I was a little bit hormonal but not over the top. It still wasn't a good night. I'm upset about ruining the night over something so small and then acting like a lunatic towards him when he had a very rational response. I'm embarrassed for him to read the texts I sent out of anger and frustration, and I'm embarrassed I called him so many times. I know from personal experience that if something is wrong he will tell me, he won't just ignore me but he had enough after our 2 hour conversation where I was being hormonal so maybe he just checked out and needed alone time. I really regret how I acted and reminded him that he knows me and he knows I'm not normally like this and once the pill wears off I'll be back to normal. I also apologized and asked him to forgive me but like I said idk if I should assume those messages made it to his phone if they look the exact same as they normally do when he gets them? With my last ex, if he blocked me and then unblocked me, I knew what time he did that because it would show received and the time stamp. That's not the case here. I want to quit worrying and go to sleep but his lack of silence makes me so nervous. Especially the phone going to voicemail. He's never on his phone when I'm around him so I would like to think he turned it off because I was being annoying and he wanted peace. He did say he wants calm. And maybe all my emotion was too much to handle tonight after the other night. I'm scared I ruined things by doing this. My phone is normally on DND which goes straight to voicemail so maybe he did that? I just feel so bad and I know I'm not going to sleep tonight knowing I created a whole stupid situation just because I was feeling emotional in the moment. Any thoughts or opinions as to whether you think he blocked me? He was texting me back right before I started going ape shit and then stopped replying and hasn't called me back. So I don't know if he turned his phone off for peace or if he blocked me. We are pretty serious and say I love you. We are having or supposed to be having the committed relationship talk soon and I'm so scared I fucked it up. I've been begging him to please say something for over an hour but he hasn't. It's past 1am here so I'm thinking he might be asleep or was maybe asleep after the phone went to voicemail and hasn't seen my texts about the apology. I'm so scared I messed things up and that when I wake up in the morning I won't hear from him even though that's never happened. But I've also never acted crazy and texted a bunch of times or called. Please let me know your experience of being blocked, what my hints are and if you think I should be worried I ruined everything over one stupid hormonal fight.

TL;DR: I freaked out at my SO after a minor fight when he wanted to drop it and be left alone. Worried I ruined things. I can't tell if he's blocked me for acting crazy (see post.)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CConfusedNConcernedd on 2024-01-18 07:15:35+00:00.

I (18f) have been dating my bf (18m) for almost 17 months. l'm in love with him and really enjoy being with him, which is what makes this difficult. He has brought up twice now within the last 6 months that he's unsure of our relationship. He has diagnosed anxiety, depression and is quite insecure which also affects the relationship This has never pushed me to the thought of breaking up. However, he says that he is unsure if we should remain in a relationship that causes him so much anxiety. He also says that he hasn't found who he wants to be as a person, and he thinks that being in a relationship is stunting this. Upcoming college is an issue as well as neither of us know where we're going or what we should do then, however I never saw this uncertainty as a reason to break up. After hours of thinking about all of this, he came back and said something along the lines of that he wanted to be with me because I make him happy and that I truly love him. I asked him, "what about how anxious this relationship makes you? What about finding yourself?" and other related questions to make sure he was actually sure in his answer. He wasn't. He told me he has actually typed out the break up text (we have been texting all of this throughout the day). He deleted it and kept thinking and came to the same conclusion of staying. I questioned him again and he started rethinking again. We both love each other, but that is not always enough. I guess I need some advice on the situation in general.

After thinking about it, l'm not sure if I should stay with someone who is so unsure of being in a relationship with me. I think I deserve someone who is sure of me and will choose me over and over. However, I've also had my own doubts about the relationship and questioned it as well, but arrived back to wanting to stay with him, so this thought may be completely hypocritical. Am I looking at this situation the wrong way?

TL;DR : My bf is questioning our relationship which is also making me question our relationship. How do I know when to end things?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yachtie12 on 2024-01-18 07:14:01+00:00.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We have lived together for 8 months. i live in his house which is in a small village about 45 min rdrive from my work and social network, no public transport. I am due to move out in March as I have bought an off plan house and it should be built by then. I did own a house I sold and my bf suggested I move to his to save on rent. I was very grateful for this offer. He was so kind and affectionate before I moved in.

We had discussed buying together but we felt it was too early to commit to this. He also liked his village and fact he could go to the pub and know people. Plan potentially if we got in was for him to rent his house out and him to move in with me. Due to the below I have not discussed this with him further and don’t want to.

However since I moved in I dont think we are happy. He had picked fights out of nowhere. Will go to pub without me. Plans we make are not kept. He spends free time either playing his computer or on his phone in silence or in pub. He says this is what he does. He doesn’t like me talking about work as it bores him. If I go out to met friends I drive, but it’s only once a week. If I want to have a drink with trains and taxis it adds £30 extra to the night out. He has rarely offered to help.

i do all the house work. We discussed this before I moved in and he said he would help. If I ask he gets defensive as he has been at work and wants to relax at tts weekend. I cook but enjoy it. However he complains if I use too many pans or plates. Never compliments me, but will call my bed hair troll hair. But I have seen him call women he knows on social media’s beautiful. Not pulled him up yet on this.

He has not been sleeping well for months. sex is infrequent but was loads before I moved in. Complains if I snore too much, but I wear earplugs cause of his snoring. He has put on lots of weight since I moved in and blames me.

In December I got flu but recovered quickly - still made food. He got it and is still suffering, bad cough etc. he asked me to move to spare room as he didn’t want to disturb me with his coughing and insomnia. I have been here a month. I can’t sleep as the spare room is my office for WFH days. Cuddles are always from me. But he will snuggle up and be affectionate if I go to him.

I am excited about my house. He is not interested. I talk to him about it and no discussion. He comments your house do what you want. It’s a taboo subject

I just feel he is pushing me away. I am trying to be invisible but can’t. Starting to resent that I do everything and all he does is moan at me. He ended his marriage 5 years ago as she b moaned lots. But I am starting to think it’s him.

I have tried to talk to him and all he responds with he is ill and can’t sleep. No desire for sex, still loves me. You can move back in the bedroom soon. He said once if you sleep in separate rooms relationship is dead. I feel he has ended it but being nice as I will be moving out soon. How do I talk to him about this.

Tldr: my boyfriend asked me to move to spare room as he was ill. His actions suggest disinterest but his words say otherwise. What do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/banana_bread-123 on 2024-01-18 06:02:03+00:00.

hello. i have been dating my bf for 4 and half years now. in the beginning, when we were getting to know each other i wanted to be honest with him and when we were facetiming one time i told him i have 1 body already. he got angry and did not talk to me after, i panicked and i made up a lie that i stopped the guy in the beginning and he didn’t actually take my virginity. i was dumb 16 year old and he just went through traumatic experience (somebody tried to k1ll him) so i didn’t want to make it worse for him and thought this was right. some days he brings this up and i always say the same thing. he was really rude about this in the beginning of the relationship, because he told me he was a virgin and after two years he told me he actually slept with one girl and he lied to me. i was never angry with him and i told him it is totally okay. but i don’t think this would be his reaction as well.. he is already angry with my past, since i went to the parties a lot at young age, kissed a lot of guys, drank alcohol etc. bc i made very bad friends and grew up in unstable family so i didn’t know any better. i regret it deeply. i felt like everyone else is having sex so i should too. the thing about stopping the guy is true, but then i was at his place more times and we had sex twice. i can’t lie to my boyfriend anymore. it is not fair. i always tried to be my best self for him, i did everything for him, was there when things got real hard. i can’t keep lying. how can i tell him in the most gentle way possible? i feel like terrible human being. i just always felt like i want him to see me as the person i am now but he often brings up my past and it triggers me. he probably deserves better. he may leave me after this. i am so broken. please, how can i tell him.

TL;DR: i lied to my bf about my body count and regret it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Original_Fix_6832 on 2024-01-18 06:59:05+00:00.

In the first year of our relationship I decided to buy my first puppy, it was a pug. My bf at the time said they were ugly and didn't know why I wanted one, but as time went by he started loving my dog like a lot and said he never loved a dog like this before and started to really adore pugs. He started helping me out with vet bills and sometimes help pay for dog food etc. I do most of the other stuff like training, taking her out, feeding her, going to the park etc. He seems very lazy in actually taking care of a dog and I would have to nag him to help me out with just taking her out.

After almost 3 years we decided to end things, I moved out and he claims the dog to be his too because he always helped with expenses and wants to co parent. He would be with her on his days off, meaning we would have to see each other every week to drop her off and still be in contact to talk about her. I would really prefer to stop communicating with him after the breakup so I can heal and learn to be alone but it seems like we still have to be in each other's lives because of this.

I know co parenting is not ideal for the future but he claims the dog is his too. I know he loves her a lot so I don't really know how to go about this. Any advice on what I should do or say to him?

TL,DR ex claims my dog is his because he has helped with expenses and loves her dearly, now wants to co parent after the breakup. I would prefer to stop communicating and seeing him, what do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big-Respect-4224 on 2024-01-18 06:51:55+00:00.

I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (23m) for 9 years. Most of our relationship has been good, until recently. Whenever he gets home from work, he immediately sits on the couch and turns on the tv, grabs the iPad, and gets on his phone all at the same time. I completely understand that everyone needs some time to decompress and relax after spending time at work. My issue is that let’s say he gets home around 5pm, he will be on his electronics until 12pm. If I try to have a conversation with him, it is a battle to get him to put his phone down and give me his undivided attention. If I ask him if he wants to go and walk our dogs he says he is too tired, but will continue playing on the iPad for hours. If I ask him to do chores around the house, he will play on his electronics for hours, and says he forgot that I asked and will do it the next day because it’s too late in the day. (The next day he still won’t do it) My final straw was tonight when I got home he was on the iPad. I wasn’t bothered by it because I went for an evening run, made myself some dinner and watched a movie. I was bothered by when I finally went to bed, he was still on the iPad and I asked if we could cuddle and he said okay, but then proceeded to hold the iPad behind my head and continue the video he was watching. Like seriously I can’t even five minutes of cuddle time with him? I flipped my lid and am sleeping on the couch because I can’t handle my anger about this anymore. How can I bring this up to him and fix the problem? I don’t know what to do anymore, so any HELPFUL advice would be appreciated!

tl;dr Boyfriend can’t put down electronics to spend quality time with me. How can I communicate with him to let him know how I feel?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/wannagohome1968 on 2024-01-18 05:33:45+00:00.

We’ve been together for a year and he has a porn addiction. It’s been impacting my emotions in a negative way and has been making me insecure. I try to not let it bother me, I mean he’s hyper sexual and I’m not. So instead of having sex I would prefer that he masturbate, right? I feel like that would make sense, but I still get insecure.

Well I asked him to not message any of girls, and I found out today that he did. It was two, one-worded responses. But despite that, he still did something I asked him not to do which he had agreed to at that time. He does think it’s not the same because its “an automated response” that he was responding to in order to receive porn. It wasn’t messaged to start conversation or complimenting. He just said “sure” and “ass.” I’m very sad right now, I don’t know if I’m over exaggerating

I would want to break up, but I love him very much he’s been the best boyfriend ever besides this situation. I feel incapable of breaking up, I’ve tried before multiple times and I just can’t do it. I always change my mind and, yeah, I’m basically incapable of it.

We also live together, and I would absolutely NOT be able to afford living on my own (renting prices), so that’s an issue too. And I don’t feel like going into details but getting a new roommate wouldn’t be an option for me.

I wish this relationship could work so bad. I just don’t know what to do. I feel incapable of breaking up, and he doesn’t want to break up with me. But I’m unhappy with the porn addiction. What do I do in this situation?

Also, I’ve always struggled with making friends. I have none and would have nobody to turn to for support. I have kinda been someone who’s always overlooked. He is the same, we’ve been able to bond in ways with each other that we’ve never been able to have before. He’s really special to me. We’re each others first serious and long relationship. I feel like I can be myself without being judged for once. To be able to voice my opinions and have it be safe. The same sense of humor. Same life goals and desire to not have kids. Aligned in our morals and ideals which is something hard to find, esp in men. I just feel like this makes it harder for me.

Do I try to work this out?

tl;dr bf messaged someone on OF after I asked him not to. he says it was an automated response and he only responded to get porn. I still feel hurt and don’t know how to proceed.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mysterious_North_699 on 2024-01-18 05:33:11+00:00.

This sounds silly but my boyfriend never compliments me, I mean I feel like it should be a given in a relationship versus friends etc. especially since we have been together for 3 years.

Not to say I’m insecure or need constant validation but it would be nice if he made it seem like he liked me or thought I was pretty. Even holding hands in public seems like an issue or foreign concept with us, and it makes it feel like we’re just friends sometimes.

I have brought this up a handful of times, but it only seems to happen for about a week and I know it’s just because I mentioned it to him….

Not sure if this is normal, but I’ve been feeling kind of overwhelmed when he talks about a future with me, lately I’ve found myself being so sluggish in the relationship,

it feels like the effort he made trying to get me was all gone in the past year, which makes me not want to try as much (Barely any dates, no romance really and I don’t even feel like being Se*xually active anymore with him) it’s like I’ve just dissociated myself.

I’m always wondering what he is thinking because he doesn’t communicate much/ is shy and it bothers me because I’m very talkative and outgoing. Lately we just sit in bed all day and watch movies.

TL;DR: He’s really good in other ways though, very level headed and never acts on emotions. He’s very logical and I feel like he grounds me and has calmed me down in the past few years, not to say he doesn’t love me I know he does,

but I feel like there has to be some balance with my love language and how he shows his love. Any thoughts or ideas?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Jealous_Yak_9273 on 2024-01-18 05:31:53+00:00.

My husband was doing something for work on his phone earlier and I left him alone. A hour or so passed and our kids woke up and he started talking to them and playing. I had a short conversation with him and then later I asked a quick question and he blew up on me and told me I was bothering him.

He got an attitude and went up stairs for over an hour, then he got the kids and took them upstairs for 30 min and didn’t speak to me. He brought them back down and didn’t say a word to me. Just acted like I wasn’t there. He didn’t speak to me for a few hours.

I went to the kitchen and asked if he wanted dinner. He said “I’m good” I asked “what did I do wrong??” He raised his voice and said “you’re always bothering me, you should just be quiet sometimes!!” Then calls me a psychopath. I never raised my voice but I said “ I deserve not to be yelled at and spoke to like a child” and he said “I deserve better and you should just be quiet more often

Tl;dr - I’m just so hurt that he is ok Talking to me this way. He doesn’t care if he makes me cry or hurt my feelings. I’ve done nothing but try to please this man to no end. And he treats me this way. He’s so short tempered with me. Idk what I’m doing wrong

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sad-Neck7986 on 2024-01-18 05:08:53+00:00.

this is really long and I really appreciate if you read it and give me some input, words of encouragement anything. this is so hard

some backstory here: My mom was 19 when she had me (father 24) He was in in my life for the first 3 years and then they broke up. So I had visitation with him until I was 11 (when he left). I would see him Tuesday, Thursday and every other weekend for 8 years. He was an alcoholic and started doing drugs and when I was 9 he met this woman we’ll call A. A was also an addict and his addiction just got worse as she moved in. Life over there was never the same and they just trash talked my mom. manipulated me, gave me alcohol, left drugs out, ect. It was becoming unsafe over there and my mom didn’t really want me to be there obviously. It was kind of rocky at that time. My dad turned on my mom more, would give me his child support and say things like take this and hide it so that b*tch doesnt use it on herself, ect. very much manipulative.

anyways, fast forward to the last time I saw him on my 11th birthday. He was passing out on the couch from being so messed up. thats the last image I have of him in my head. not even a few weeks after that, he and A and her children left the state I live in and moved across the country together. He never told me. never said bye. nothing. just told me over a phone call and also told me he married A. I hated her cuz I blamed her for my dads actions but I know he made those choices. She died from an overdose a long time ago.

Basically, he completely abandoned me. the phone calls got lesser, every promise broken, false hope. I was miserable, depressed sad and lonely as a new teenager (starting in a new school btw😭) it was the worst time in my life. it was horrible what he did to me. Forever I kept the door open. told him the ball in his court and what not. but I think its finally time to cut him off for good and close that chapter of my life so I can heal from my trauma. I have a son now and I want to do better for him. he has always been so irresponsible, in and out of jail, can’t get a real job or a license. he’s burned every bridge with every person because hes a POS.

I worked really hard to heal these wounds and he brought every emotion back with one text 2 weeks ago.

he decides NOW is the time to try to ‘come back’ but with conditions of course. He texted me at 10:30 pm on a Tuesday saying this(so casually as if its not a huge ask and bomb drop):

Hey OP happy Belated Birthday, Xmas and new Year I might move back to (where I live) and wondered if you want to see me and let me me meet my grandson it's up to you no rush it'll be a couple months before I can get up there but I got nothing here until my mom dies and she doesn't want me to live with her so I don't know where I'm going to go from here but I'm not going to stay in (where he lives now) I was hoping to come back to (where I live) but if you're not going to talk to me or see me I'll probably go do a different state

I talked to my grandma (his mom who I have always had a relationship with) and she told me what was really going on. his ex gf kicked him out on xmas and he’s homeless and cant even afford a $300 move in fee to rent a room. basically a loser who never bettered his life or changed. I told him I needed time to process this. even his text is so manipulative. but I finally made the decision I think. I’m just so fcking nervous to send the text I have written out. I have never taken this step before and its so hard. why is it so hard? ugh. I felt good writing this message out but hitting send is difficult. heres what I wrote:

I worked so hard to move past the hurt and pain you caused me in my life. Then you went and fucked it all up with one text. One text saying you would come back here and want to see me and be in my life. There were conditions, of course. Because your love has always been conditional. And for a moment that lost little girl came out and had hope that this was real. That I would still have the chance to have a father-daughter relationship with you in this lifetime. That you finally realized how bad you fucked up. But then, I remembered who you are. I remembered the false hope for 16 years. I remembered the pain I felt when you left me without even telling me. I remembered how you left me behind like I was nothing to you. I remembered that you cannot grow up and get your fucking shit together. I remembered going through every milestone in my life without you. I remembered how you don’t even bother to call me on my birthday. I remembered the amount of times I screamed and cried and wondered why? Why was I so easily disposable? Why doesn’t the hurt ever go away? Why doesn’t my own father want anything to do with me? I realized that it would not be any different if you were here. I know now that you have no place in my life. I have never needed you. I did everything on my own with my mom by my side. You don’t get to take any of the credit for everything I did without you. You absolutely do not get to come back into my life out of the blue, 16 years later, as if nothing happened. We don’t even know each other. We are just strangers who share DNA. It’s not my responsibility for us to have a relationship, and it never was. And as a parent, I could never do what you did. I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around abandoning my child willingly. That little boy is my whole world and you do not get the privilege of being called Grandpa. You were never even a father. My decision is, I no longer want to speak to you at all. Unless you can prove to me that you have your shit together. That I actually matter in your life. As much as it hurts closing that door I know it’s whats best for me and my family. When you come back around, only when it’s convenient for you, it just causes more pain. I’m taking my power back and I refuse to let this control me any longer. I want to be a better person for my son and I will forever protect him from the trauma you put me through.

I feel like I’m ready but there’s something holding me back? I’m not sure. I wish it was easy to do. its not like he talked to me much in the first place anyways but it feels so final. like mourning someone who’s still alive.

TL/DR: Dad abandoned me at 11 and never came back, or talked to me really. now he wants to come back, be in my sons life and see me. but hes still and irresponsible POS and I think I’m finally ready to go NC with him. although, im really struggling to press send.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fair-Yard6910 on 2024-01-18 03:56:03+00:00.

Long story short, my grandma came to Canada from France for the first time and she only speaks Hindi. I can speak Hindi decently well but not well enough for my grandma to understand what im saying ( the only people who can understand my hindi is my family not going to lie).This bothers and saddens me because shes only staying in Canada for 6 months before she heads back and I want to get to know her and spend time with her. I am currently taking classes but I dont think itll be enough. Anyone got any tips on what I can do. Sorry if its a dumb question, im kinda desperate

TLDR: Want to spend time with grandma but cant because of language barrier, what can I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Awkward-Mobile4465 on 2024-01-18 02:50:11+00:00.

I am 38, F my boyfriend is 41, M. When we met I was newly single and open minded about non-monogamy. He was very comfortable with it. We had an intense connection and bond, and have been together over a year.

Since meeting we had 2 threesomes with other women and countless flirtations of all stripes. Unfortunately I cannot handle the jealousy. I feel like I mislead him that I thought I could be OK with it.

In our relationship we have a lot of kink and roleplay. It is always Dom/sub dynamic; DDlg, mentor, boss, older neighbor, teacher. This is like all of our sex. He has been at this a long time and told me he prefers a partner his own age, and likes the mental complexity and safety of playing roles instead of living them.

When the involvement of other women didn’t go well, I also tried having time with other men. We talked, I said I do want to monogamous, he says having other lovers isn’t that important to him but he likes being open about his thoughts and desires.

He is struggling with work. I have tried to help him but am not available enough to be his secretary. We kind of tried, but we don’t work together very productively.

He is hiring a past lover as his secretary starting Monday. She is 26, he was professionally mentoring her, he was her “Daddy”, he gave her money and projects. She is now in another city, he told her it has to be professional. They parted ways soon after he met me.

He really wants me to be cool, to trust him, to support it. I want him to succeed professionally, but I really can’t get myself comfortable. He says I’ve known how horny he is from day 1, it is something I really love about him. I trust him, he is honest. I just hate knowing he’d get turned on while they work in a way I can’t provide. I worry they will have an excellent working relationship and she’ll turn him on too and I’ll loose him.

I know its insecurity, but I am struggling to decide what is right for me. I feel possessive, I also feel unsafe that I’ll continue to be his number one.

What should I do? What am I missing?

TL;DR; : I am jealous my boyfriend is hiring his younger ex to be his assistant. I know and love he is a horny bastard, we frequently role play as boss/secretary.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway1283287 on 2024-01-17 23:58:48+00:00.

For some background: We met on a dating app back in October and started dating in November. We are both the same and age (21) and attend the same university. Objectively speaking, the relationship is progressing very smoothly. We've gone on several dates, given gifts to each other, made out, hugged, etc. It's very obvious that she likes me and enjoys spending time with me. She's had some small flings in college and HS while this is my first serious relationship. She's also catholic so she's pretty conservative when it comes to things like sex and intimacy.

She's part of a sorority on campus and, as you would guess, is big on partying every weekend. I knew this when I first met her and it never bothered me. Personally, I've never been partying because I don't have many friends and I don't drink. The other day I was telling her that I'm glad she's more outgoing and adventurous than I am and she responded saying that she was happy that I wasn't a frat guy/partier. She also said many times how cute it was to her that I had never been in a relationship before. I asked her to explain what she meant and basically said that frat guys and men who party are trashy. As politely as I could, I asked what that made her if she goes and parties every weekend with her sorority sisters. She laughed and then said "I know what I'm doing, you however...". She also mentioned later that day that a frat guy she was dating a year ago cheated on her at a big party at the end of school year.

Even though the amount of time we are able to spend together each week is very limited (she's a stem major and heavily involved in running her sorority), she seems hesitant to invite me to anything where her sorority sisters are involved. I know that she can't invite me everywhere because I'm a GDI and there's rules against entering certain greek parties but even stuff being hosted by her friends she won't invite me. She told me when she showed pics of me to her sorority sisters they heavily criticized me for not being good enough for her. I tried to get my GF to repeat exactly what they said about me, but she adamantly refused. I'm guessing their words were far from kind. She said she didn't care what they thought about me and how I shouldn't either. I agreed with her but I hid the fact that I was actually hurt by the story. It's not that I don't believe her when she says that she likes me, but just the fact that the people she's spending most of her time with want her to have nothing to do with me is disheartening. I don't like the thought that they'll try to tear us apart or force her to do things without me.

This weekend she's going to two different parties while I have no plans for the weekend. She said we may be able to do something Saturday until she has to leave for her friend's party. I didn't try to voice my disappointment at the fact that she didn't offer to bring me along. All I said was that I wanted to spend a little more time with her. To be honest, I don't like the idea that I'm just her daytime entertainment and then when night comes she'll ditch me to go party. It's just sad for me because I have no close friends at college and my friends from HS are all out of town for most of the year. During the weekends I mostly just spend time with my parents. I love my parents to death don't get me wrong, but I can't help but feel like a huge loser when I'm sitting around by myself while my GF is happy to party without me. It's even worse when we'll call the next day and she'll explain how fun the party was. I'm glad she's having fun, truly, it just feels sad to me that she doesn't want me involved with any of it.

I don't want to control her and force her to spend time with me, I know that won't get me anywhere, I just wish she was willing to bring me along somewhere. I don't really care what we do, I just want to see her. I don't want her to think that I'm embarrassing or not fun to be around. Maybe I'm too clingy but this whole situation gives me major anxiety and it makes me feel horrible. I don't know how to discuss these feelings with her because I don't want to be super clingy and off putting.

TL;DR My girlfriend loves the fact that I don't party but goes out every weekend with her sorority sisters to party with them. The fact that I'm never invited to join her makes me feel very self-conscious and horrible.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big-Gap6725 on 2024-01-17 23:07:42+00:00.

My boyfriend (23) and I (21) have been dating for 10 months now and I just found out recently that his mom doesn't like me because I'm still in college while my boyfriend has graduated already and has a job. They told him to break up with me cause I might "trap" him and ruin his life. He still lives with them because he is an only child and wants to save money by not moving out and paying rent.

I overheard them talk about me. His mom basically saying that I am not good for her son and that I'm out of his league. My boyfriend and I talked about it. He wanted to continue the relationship but keep it as a secret because he can't take his mom nagging him all the time. He keeps on telling me that he loves me and wanted a future with me. But one time, we were on a FT call and he forgot that I was still on the phone with him, but his mom asked him if he's still talking to me/still together, he denied me. He denied me twice.

What should I do?

TL;DR; His mom hates me because I am not good enough for her