Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PlentyAd5679 on 2024-01-17 21:00:13+00:00.

We met in 2017 and were friends for a year before we started any sort of relationship. He was interested first, I even “rejected” him in a sense, but he stuck around and eventually I fell for him. We moved quick, we started dating in September and were engaged by December, and I moved 4 hours away to move in with him by February and got married in 2020. He truly is one of the kindest, most compassionate men I’ve ever know. He’s funny and really a great guy, and I know I’m lucky to be loved the way he loves me. When we first got together the attraction was there, but for probably the past year or so, it’s just not anymore. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I just thought I wouldn’t find someone as nice as him, so I thought it was something I should hold onto. But lately I feel really bored and like I should be feeling more for the person I agreed to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t spend much time by myself when I was younger and I think maybe I should have. I also wonder all the time if I’m even the type of person who should be married, and if I’m holding him back from being with someone that will love him the way he deserves. I don’t know how to talk to anyone about this because I know everyone will just remind me of how lucky I am and what a good guy he is, but is that enough? How do I even try to fix this or is it even worth trying?

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TL;DR! My husband and I rushed into our relationship and I think I’m leaning toward end our marriage but not sure if it’s worth working through.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Altruistic-Mud-4076 on 2024-01-17 20:37:02+00:00.

So, my (30F) husband (34M) misplaces everything - often. It’s so annoying - I have had too many conversations with him about. Most recently I bought super glue and put it in our “utility drawer” where we keep things like this. He asked where it was, used it - and misplaced it. Now he can’t find it.

Last time it was his wallet, which is found in a coat pocket from a coat he hadn’t worn in a week.

Before that, it was the office scissors - which ended up in his server closet (he is in cyber security and has a networking closet at the other end of our condo and far from office).

Before that it was the kitchen scissors - which is found in the soil of one of our indoor potted trees.

Before that, it was two kitchen forks (like 6-8 months ago) which still haven’t been found. We concluded that he must have used them for takeout food and threw them out with the takeout.

I’m at the point where I already buy doubles of everything - seriously. Should I start buying triples? I don’t think anything can change this behavior, he has adhd which might account for some of it.

Advice or suggestions?

TL;DR; : advice or suggestions for how to keep my sanity?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_12342 on 2024-01-17 20:32:15+00:00.

With this title, I think I know the responses that I will get - just break up with her then. But I don't know, hoping for more nuanced advice as I don't really want to.

I was feeling insecure the other day due to my girlfriend wanting to spend less time with me recently. We had originally met on a dating app, so I decided to check the app and found that she had updated her profile and photos since we first met. One photo was even one that I took.

I confronted her but so far have not wanted to tell her exactly what I found, because I don't know if she's actually been talking to anyone or seeing anyone, so I'm hoping that keeping it open ended would allow for further information.

Except so far it has backfired on me. She keeps telling me that I'm making it up in my head, and that she has never done anything to jeopardize our relationship and that I am just thinking about things too much. I haven't shown her the actual screenshots I took but told her that I do have actual evidence, I just won't show it. She thinks I am doing it as a trick to get her. So instead, she is now telling me that she will break up with me because I don't trust her. She said we can't have a relationship if there's no trust.

I don't want to break this relationship. To be honest, my belief is that at one point we had been fighting so bad and perhaps she just went on the app and changed her photos but never talked to anyone seriously.

tl;dr Caught gf active on dating app, I wont show her the screenshots but said I have them, she says I'm lying and she's never talked to any other guy, instead is telling me she will break up with me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fabulous-Ad217 on 2024-01-17 19:49:14+00:00.

I used to love my mom when i was a kid, teenager.

Now since about a year ago my view of her changed and im not sure why. I don’t talk to her, give low effort responses, don’t want to spend time with her. When im on vacation with her i dont like her presence even though she dont do anything wrong. She tries getting my attention by resting her face on my shoulder and looking at my face, telling me to ‘smile’, which makes my blood boil. I also hate it when she greets me goodmorning immediately when i come out of my room. Everyday when i come home from work she tries talking to me about her day and asks about mine, i sometimes act as if im asleep to avoid interactions.

There are certain things she did that frustrate me, but i know she does it out of care. For example when on vacation, texting me multiple times a day ‘how are you’, if i dont respond for an hour or three she will text the same question again or ask me where i am. Or when i reply after an hour she says ‘finally i am waiting and waiting’ which feels offputting. Or freuqntly with the ‘text me when youre in the hotel’ ‘send picures’ and i think to myself leave me alone let me live my life by myself.

There was a time in my childhood that she once beat me with a belt because i didnt want to go to school, or forced me to wear certain clothing to the point i cried, or forcing me to go to an activity i didnt want to go cause i got laughed at. These things did happen rarely. I still loved her, or at least i think i did.

She does always support me, paid for my school, listened to me when i was in trouble. Always takes care of the family.

Recently, my mom said she wanted to go on vacation together to Thailand. But I told her i didnt want to go, because i prefer solo vacations to fully rest. Partially its because i dont like her compqny, and want to experience things on my own, but i did not say that. She said ‘but you cant be alone all the time, its not good’, and I said its just my personality, im different and she has to accept it. And then she said ‘but you have to accept me too.. im old.. i need attention’ which made me feel weirded out and i told her that. She called me selfish and i act ‘too independent’. We are an immigrant family. And she said ‘i should have never moved, then you would have known’. And then she says ‘why do you look so angry, please smile’ and i say ‘mom youre annoying stop’ And then she says ‘okay fine.. i’ll leave’.

Im getting therapy but since my next diagnosis appointment is only 1.5 months away i have to deal with this. I think i struggle with depression, i have some bad attachment issues in romantic relationships that make me feel bad to the point of suicidal feelings.

If you guys think im selfish or bad you can say it. But yeah its really hard ignoring my feelings. Its also hard to move out due to housing crisis, and if i wnt to live with roommates my family will get offended thinking why do i prefer to live with strangers than with them.

TL;DR: I used to love my mom, but for the past year, my feelings toward her changed. I avoid talking to her, give minimal responses, and dislike her presence, even though she hasn't done anything wrong. Certain behaviors, like frequent texts on vacation and insisting on spending time together, frustrate me. There were rare instances of physical discipline in my childhood. My mom supports the family, but her recent desire for a vacation together triggered tension. I'm getting therapy for depression and attachment issues. Moving out is challenging due to a housing crisis, and living with roommates might upset my family.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAstuck98 on 2024-01-17 19:00:33+00:00.

Hi guys. I'm posting here because tbh I'm kinda desperate to figure this out.

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years now. I've been in a lot of relationships before but I don't think I loved anyone until she showed up in my life. For the the frist time ever... I'm actually dating to marry and I can say for sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

We almost never fight, because we're both very logical people who usually don't let emotions dectiate their actions but lately this hasn't been the case.

My girlfriend has been going through some tough times lately. She graduated a few months ago and still cant find a decent job, and there is a lot of messed up stuff going on with her family rn. So she's been pretty sad lately.

I always try to be there for her, but I guess I'm just not good at it. For example, the other day she called me during my lunchbreak at work and was really upset about messing up another interview, so I started telling her some strategies that work for me during job interviews because I thought thats what she needed rn..... Turns out, thats not what she needed.

She kept telling me how I just suck at emotional support. She said I know you're trying your best and it means a lot but I'm not looking for your logcial solutions rn. So, I asked her how do I be better at just being there for you? but I dont think she herself knows the answer to this question. Eventually, she just told me to let it go and that when she has an actual problem she thinks I'm the most dependable person in the world, but that my brain"just isnt wired that way" when it comes to emotional support.

Guys, I'm really stumped here. I wanna be there for her. I wanna be the perfect boyfriend cuz she deserves that. How do I get better at this.... plz tell me

TLDR: My girlfriend is going through a rough time and idk how to be there for her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mindless-Anybody2299 on 2024-01-17 17:45:19+00:00.

I, 18F and my mother 39F have had a difficult relationship since I was a kid. As a child I remember consistently having to clean the house and do chores that I felt weren't really appropriate for my age. I'd been cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen since I was about 8 or 9, and my brother had been doing chores like this since he was even younger than that. My mom had insane standards of what was clean and if at 9 years old I didn't meet her standards when cleaning our (my brother and I) shared bedroom, she'd make us throw everything we owned away. Literally everything. At one point I was doing pretty much all household chores. I'd cook dinner, do the dishes, watch my baby brother, clean the bathrooms, keep the whole house clean, clean my mother's room, and do all of the houses laundry, including my mother's. When I got older I didn't do everything but still clean my mother's car, do her laundry and clean her room. I don't have the choice in the matter and she makes me feel guilty if I say anything. As I got older, she started asking my brother to do less and less... I would bring it up and she'd say," well I really don't ask you to do that much, do I?" And I can't say anything because the conversation isn't going to go anywhere.

I feel very used by her... After going to college I'm starting to realize that my childhood wasn't normal and I know I can't bring it up with her because it's not going to get us anywhere. I hate going home because I know my mom is just going to ask me to do everything that she's too lazy to do and she makes me hate being home... Am I just being overreacting by thinking this way?

TLDR; My mother makes me do what feels like an excessive amount of chores and it makes me feel used.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Odd-Salamander-561 on 2024-01-17 16:50:59+00:00.

Throwaway acc because I'm fairly sure he's on Reddit as well. Not sure if this is the right subreddit, but here we go.

I (26F) have recently entered a job that requires me to spend most of my time with my colleague (45M). I'm not technically a trainee nor he's my supervisor, but since I'm new he has taken that role as well.

Since my first day, we've gotten along surprisingly well despite the age difference. I've always felt safe with him and we have a friendly relationship overall, but something is starting to feel kinda wrong.Couple months ago he pretty much opened up to me about his dating life, how he's gotten divorced twice, how he's had some other relationships and plenty of ONSs and how he's now single. I never asked for that, but at the time I supposed he was feeling lonely and/or he trusted me enough to share these details of his private life.

Everything was ok until, in the last few weeks, it started escalating to him always talking about sex or making innuendos - like commenting on random women passing by, talking about how his type would be, rating women's looks basing on how big their boobs or ass were, and so on. He asked me what my type looks like, as well as complimenting my on my looks from time to time.Honestly, I'm not sure why he's doing this. May be friendly banter, but why would you talk these things with a woman 20 years younger than you, without even considering that she might be at unease (first I wasn't, but now it's becoming uncomfortable).

Is he just being (awkwardly) friendly to me? Is he hitting on me? Either way, because I usually miss social cues, I can't read the room and I don't know how to act.I don't know if reporting is already an option since maybe it's not enough stuff to be reported to our superior (+not in the US, workplace harassment is not that big of a deal in my home country).

TL;DR: me and my colleague have a friendly relationship, but now he's started making a lot of sexual jokes and talking about relationships and sex all the time. What is he doing? How should I act?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra_6y on 2024-01-17 12:02:24+00:00.

I have been with my girlfriend for over 3 and a half years now. When we first started dating we discussed important things like marriage and children to make sure we were on the same page. We agreed that neither of us are too bothered about marriage but we would bother like two or three children.

A couple of months ago my girlfriend said she doesn't know if she wanted children anymore. She said she doesn't want them to hold her back form things she wants to do such as travelling and nice holidays etc. She said she wasn't sure and that she might change her mind further down the line anyway.

I mentioned that having children was a big topic that we need to be on the same page on so maybe it's best to have some time to think about it and then have a proper discussion which she agreed and said we should talk after she's had a few months to think things through.

After a couple of months we sat down to talk about it and she said she still felt the same. I mentioned to her that my views on children haven't changed and that I still would like to have a couple of children. She said she might change her mind at some point anyway but I mentioned that it's not really a risk I'd want to take and that we really need to be on the same page or the relationship won't work.

I said if she doesn't want children then it just might mean that we're not compatible anymore. She accused me of pressuring her into having kids but I pointed out that's not what I was doing, I was just saying it wouldn't be fair to either of us to have to agree with the other since it would just lead to resentment.

She just repeated again that I was wrong for pressuring her to have children but I again just pointed out that's not what I was doing. She accused me of being unreasonable for thinking about breaking up with her because she doesn't want children. I'm not really sure what to do, does anyone have any advice?

tl;dr my girlfriend said she has changed her mind about wanting children. I pointed out that as I still want children, it looks like we might be incompatible because having children is something you shouldn't compromise on as it will lead to resentment from the person who compromise. She accused me of pressuring her into having children and said I was being unreasonable for suggesting breaking up.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Afraid_Pension_9482 on 2024-01-17 05:06:36+00:00.

Original Title: My (28m) girlfriend (28f) and I moved across states and bought a house. I was very homesick and felt like I left quickly without any proper goodbyes to my family, so decided to go back and visit for a few weeks. My girlfriend is saying I abandoned her and now I feel terrible.

Edit - Thanks everyone for all the advice and different perspectives. To clear up some questions, I work remotely out of my home state and can work from pretty much anywhere, so was able to work from home at our new house. When going home to see my family, I just drive to my local office or continue to work from wherever I'm staying. I don't use any vacation time for this (booked all of it for vacations and plans with my girlfriend for the coming year) and didn't leave during Christmas or any other holiday, I waited until afterwards. I'm not miserable in our new home or at our new location, I was just depressed about leaving family/friends behind but really do love where we're at now. Sorry if the post gave off the impression I wanted to permanently leave and regretted things, I think it was more just trying to deal with the fact of moving so far away from family with no way for me to process those feelings in a healthy way.

I think not having anyone to talk to about my feelings was the biggest issue I was having, so I'm considering the personal therapy some of you have recommended to help sort out my thoughts while making so many life changes. Thanks to everyone here for helping me think of everything from many different viewpoints.

tl;dr moved far away from friends and family with my girlfriend, then 6 months later traveled back for a few weeks because I felt like I left too quickly without saying goodbye or seeing friends/family. My girlfriend now feels like I abandoned her in a new state and that I was homesick too quickly after moving, saying I'm a child and a baby for needing to see my parents so soon after leaving. She doesn't feel like I'm putting her above my family and has lost trust that I'd ever choose her over them. Now I don't want to continue visiting, but also feel like going back early won't change her opinion and feel like shit either way. Was I completely in the wrong? How do I apologize/make things right?

My girlfriend and I have been together 6 years, living together for 4. We recently moved ~2000 miles away from my family and the state I grew up in (her family is in Europe and she only sees them once every few years) and I felt homesick after only 6 months.. probably not helped by the fact this was during the Christmas season. She has a handful of friends in this new state and I have none, so I was kind of venting all of my depression her way about how I don't really have anyone else to talk to and how things didn't feel like Christmas being so far from where I grew up.

I was honestly a bit depressed and spent the first few months thinking about how much I missed friends/family, but because I thought it would be okay to spew all my thoughts out loud to my girlfriend, she started feeling like she was to blame for my feelings and telling me she 'pulled me away from my real priorities'. I didn't mean to do this, but after getting the hint I stopped talking to her about it and tried to just put it in the back of my mind. I felt like shit for making her feel this way, but really was just trying to manage my feelings and didn't know how else to do it. She always talked about moving to a new state and I was indifferent/happy either way, so she started believing I only moved for her and that she was the cause of my depression in the new place.

After thinking about it for a bit, I asked her if it would be fine if I could visit my family for two or three weeks to kind of get a proper goodbye in and attend some important life events that friends had coming up before really getting into our new life in a new place. At first she said that was okay, but called me a baby and a child for being homesick so soon after leaving and saying how weird it is to want to visit my family so soon after we left. I have a really, really good relationship with my parents and usually don't go long periods of time without seeing them, so I thought my homesickness was normal and thought I could kind of clear my head with one last visit.

We talked about it for a while and she seemed more understanding, telling me to get the plane tickets and not to worry about it. I probably asked a million times if she was sure it was okay and was told yes, it's okay. Well.. I bought the plane tickets, but it turned out to be an awful choice. After flying to my home state, she started talking about how I abandoned her in a new state by herself, can't trust me with choosing her over my family for anything anymore and that she has lost all trust in me because I wanted to visit after only being away from them for a few months. Constantly comparing me to her friends who left their home states and miss their family but haven't seen them in years, asking how I could even think of leaving and really, really making me feel like an insanely shitty person. She just kept being condescending and saying things like "it's okay, I just have to understand how much of a child/childish you are. I can't rely or trust you for anything". She asked all her friends their opinion and now they all think I'm an asshole too. I feel awful for even visiting my family now, but also awful because I can kind of understand where she's coming from and am now questioning why I even wanted to visit my old home so soon after leaving.

I don't think I made a good choice and am thinking to just fly back early and make some excuse to my friends/family as to why I'm leaving. I feel like I really fucked up by getting a flight too quickly after moving and not giving it enough thought or taking my girlfriends feelings into consideration, but I'm really conflicted and almost insulted after being called a baby/child for being homesick. It makes it even worse that I felt a lot of closure after being here only a week and was already getting excited about going back, only to be told how shit of a person I am and that no amount of apologizing will fix anything.

I don't really know what to do at this point and am hoping to get an outside view. I think I was being inconsiderate or even selfish, but I'm not sure if I deserved all of the shaming that I received. I've apologized many times and tried explaining that coming back so soon after was probably on impulse, but I think I'm past the point of fixing this. Did I really come off as that shitty of a person and is there anything you'd do in my shoes to fix things?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwRA_Living_Sort on 2024-01-17 02:44:26+00:00.

Original Post:

TLDR: Dropped her like a bad habit.

Over the last 2 days since the original post I've hardly ate or slept, been agonizing over whether to dump her or attempt to reconcile. Rage, grief, disgust, confusion, repeat. Had a therapy session. Talked at length with my mom and dad. Was leaning toward exploring reconciliation (without making any commitments), but decided I need to make sure all the cards were on the table. At this point she's sworn up and down, for days, that I know everything.

I decided to interrogate her and demand details. I built a timeline in my head, pushed for more details, etc. I started noticing little inconsistencies.

"You promise that's it?", "I swear, there's nothing else."

"Okay, explain this." "Elaborate on this detail." "What happened here?"

And a little bit more would come out. This cycle happened happened 4 or 5 times.

Over the course of 2 hours, it finally came to: "I don't know how many times we had sex, it was frequent. The last time we had sex was 4 days ago. We even had sex when you were home on break." but it wasn't just physical either, they had an entire shadow relationship complete with "I love you's." This was the woman I was going to propose to this summer. This was the woman I was going to have kids with next summer. After 9 years, I didn't even know who she was.

Good people, let me tell you how I reacted to this revelation. One might expect disgust, or pain at how much worse the situation was than I could ever have imagined. Nope, 100% pure relief. Biggest bullet of my life dodged. I calmly and immediately broke up with her, and I'm happy I could do that without any semblance of hesitation or regret. I'm still going to go to therapy, because I know I'm going to need to learn how to trust again. But for the first time in 2 days, I know I'm gonna be okay.

Edited for formatting

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PartyFaithlessness20 on 2024-01-17 01:36:26+00:00.

In December my (35M) wife (32F) began getting close with a group of coworkwers. She would come home and tell me about them which I was happy to hear that she was making new friends and enjoying her work. She would tell me about each of them but would always only say small statements about one particular colleague.

I didn't think too much of this and moved on but over time I noticed she was messaging this person all day long and more so when she was working. They don't always work at the same time but she would message him the most when I wasn't around.

At new years I was holding onto her phone and saw a personalised happy new year message from him at 12 on the dot. This made me feel uncomfortable as I didn't feel this was normal for coworkers that had known eachother for such a short time.

I told her the fact that this was the only person she talked to more than anyone else and the NY message made me feel uncomfortable but that I just wanted her to know how i felt. I mentioned I trust her and she should handle it the way she thinks is best.

She gave a very mature response and said that if she was uncomfortable with me talking to someone she would expect me to ease back appropriately and hence she would do the same. I was really happy to hear that she acknowledged my feelings and was doing what was right for us.

Over the next few days they continued to talk but less so than usual to keep it professional which i was fine with. She eventually brought this up with me herself and mentioned that he was being weird and would not meet her if I was present saying he thinks I would get jealous of him. Hence she said she was only maintaining a professional conversation with him.

A few days after that she came home in a very sombre mood to which I asked how her day was going. She responded by saying work was tough and she had a few challenges. Shortly thereafter she mentioned she was catching up for coffee with this person on her day off.

I was very upset to hear this as it sounded like she wasn't actually reducing her contact with him but encouraging and pursuing it. We had a massive fight over this to which she claimed I dont trust her.

I do trust her but if something makes me uncomfortable I feel I have the right to express this to her and expect her to acknowledge those feelings. I feel a little betrayed here that she was telling me one thing but is now doing the opposite. I can't help but have a feeling she has other reasons for pursuing this.

We've been locked in an endless fight for the past 2 days where she claims I don't trust her and I am hurt that her attitude has changed on the matter in the span of a few days.

Am I in the wrong here? Where should I go with this?

I want to be very clear and say at no point have I told her who she can and cant be friends with AND whether or not she should stop talking/reduce contact. All I told her was that it made me feel uncomfortable.

UPDATE: last night we spoke about this again. She mentioned that in the first few minutes of speaking to me the previous day about going to coffee she had already cancelled it with him by making some excuse about having to attend an event with me - which she confirmed by showing me messages. She mentioned that due to the nature of her work they will be in contact with eachother for another week at least, after which they'll go their seperate ways. She said she'll keep the relationship professional and not extend to outside the workplace.

Her clear response was "in the 5 years we've been together have I ever given you a reason to doubt me" which I agreed she had not. It seems her angle is why am I being so controlling when we've never had an issue like this in our relationship.

I continued to stress that it wasn't about the trust but rather how the particular actions of this individual made me feel and that fact she initally agreed to back ofd. Once the conversation was over and she agreed to keep the relationship restricted to the office as well as professional, I couldn't help but still feel uncomfortable, so I asked her if I could see her messages, she got extremely agitated but still showed me. She passed her phone to me and left to watch TV in a fit of rage. I told her I didn't read the messages, but I did have a peak and found the messages were largely related to work with no more than some chit chat.

I'm really trying to be practical here and understand whether the story I'm telling is all in my head or whether there is merit to my concern. Admittedly, I am reluctant to toss these years away with her over whether I am genuinely making a big deal out of this.

I think at this point I'd like to see how things transpire after they eventually part ways. I understand many of you have said I need to put my foot down and effectively set an ultimatum, but I feel this would create a permanent rift between us and also make me the villain for being controlling.

TL;DR: Wife is getting close with a coworker who is behaving very shady. Wife initially agreed it was weird and backed off but then suddenly switched narratives.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Immediate-Moose2815 on 2024-01-16 19:57:43+00:00.

I have Covid for the first time (31F) and was feeling absolutely terrible, fever , headache, body aches etc. my husband (31M) is usually very sweet and supportive. We’ve been together almost 3 years. From the moment I told him I had Covid he sounded stressed/annoyed. He did go out of his way to make me soup and pick up Gatorade and snacks at the store so that was nice. I asked him if he thinks we should have our daughter go to school tomorrow and he said yes that he would drop her off but I will have to pick her up because he’s working. I suggested keeping her at home for a day because I felt so bad that I don’t think I could drive a car feeling like that. He proceeded to call me pathetic and a big baby, and said every other mom is able to take their kids to school when they’re sick. I was simply trying to plan for the next day, just in case I was to feel as sick as I did the previous day. I was very upset that he said this and already not feeling good made it worse. What should I do? How can I get him to understand how hurtful he is when he says these things? He’s been known to say mean things out of anger or stress.

TL;DR! I’m sick with Covid and husband called me a pathetic baby because I said I might not be able to pick up our daughter from school when I’m this sick.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Happyfeet96024 on 2024-01-17 20:34:59+00:00.

TLDR: I called my friend smelly at a pool party in front of girls and he started crying.

my friend has severe BO, and at a pool party two girls joked he was smelly and swam away, and then I joked about how earlier in the day at the gym he smelled in front of the girls. He said I had to drive him home even though I had nit sober, and when we were walking to my car he started crying and yelling at me. I apologized for 5 minutes, and he kept calling me a psychopath and saying I was a horrible person, then stopped talking to me.

I felt guilty and knew this was mean, but I feel like he overreacted, especially what he does. He yells at me and when I upset him, he usually will block me for a few weeks/threaten to never talk to me again until I apologize, I usually pay for his meals since we have a deal where if he lets me smoke a little bit of his weed, maybe 3$ worth, I get him food. Sometimes he orders a lot, like 30$. When he does yell and chastise, usually ita provoked on my end, like fiending for more weed when we are smoking or just being annoying. After being unblocked, he will tell me that he forgives me.

He can be really nice when he needs soemthing. he needed to prep for a math competition and was very nice about asking for my prescription vyvanse. he had about 6 weeks of mine in a week. the first time I got high I acted stupid, walking in circles And giggling, he yelled at me the whole time ( I didn’t know what was going on but was scared ) and said He was no longer my friend so I had to apologize to him the next day. hes really frugal, for example when I organize a trip with high school friends The Airbnb came to 80$ a person, and he cancelled the morning of and didn’t pay. I also lent him a few competitive chess sets and books totaling which he has no intention of returning even though I asked a lot.

Making fun of him was really mean, but I feel like Im always kowtowing to him and he treats me like a dog. Ive felt like crying when I was with him lots of times But had to hold myself and it’s just really confusing when someone who is always just dominating and scary to just bawl uncontrollably. hes told a lot of people who went to our high school basically what I did at the pool and how I was a horrible friend. He is extremely well liked and popular with a lot of the boys, and he is extremely smart at an ivy league . I personally thought that he was a bad friend to me, even though we both could be bad friends, but i honestly don’t know what to think and am questioning myself A lot. I could be the “abusive friend” all along, and this whole thing is a tangled mess in my head that I constantly think about for hours a day.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lonely-Hair-1152 on 2024-01-17 19:34:16+00:00.

Intimacy in relationships and why men act like children?

This has been happening our entire relationship and I’ve noticed it more and more as we have been getting older. The Shift in mood when he doesn’t get what he wants in the bedroom.

As the title suggests: why does a man become irritable or upset/moody if they don’t get their way in the bedroom? I stated that I was exhausted (F41) and just wanted to sleep. Other half (M42) has then proceeded to act like a child that dropped his ice cream. Even this morning the mood has continued to be “sulky” at best… why do men do this!!!!!!

TL:DR make being moody because he didn’t get sex…

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Warm_Dragonfruit_695 on 2024-01-17 18:56:40+00:00.

I am F 26 my BF is M 34 and we have been dating for a year plus.

There’s been so much going on throughout this relationship but one major thing that always caused argument is him asking me to borrow him money because he was always short and then left his job and eventually got one this month.

I’ve lent him approximately £5k throughout this relationship and just saying it makes me shiver because it used to be little by little and now it’s an enormous amount.

Anyway on new year, I called him and a woman picked up and was asking who I was. He had his camera off and he said no one and hung up and had his whole phone off and I couldn’t contact him at all. Fast forward it was actually his friend sister and then making a prank on me to see how I’d react if he cheated on me (I know for certain it is a prank can’t go into it).

However while all of that was happening, I contacted his brother To ask whether he had spoken to his brother as a woman picked up and I’ve not heard from him since. In this conversational I let it slip that he swore he’d never cheat and I thought it would be evil of him to do so after I’ve borrowed him up to £5k.

That was on 01/01/2024 (it was horrible for him to do the prank on new year cause it ruined my day really and it lasted for 8 hours plus)

Today my bf said he is mad and doesn’t get why I embarrassed him with his brother by telling him about the woman and the money. His brother was helping me trying to contact by bf on the day and I was understandably very upset Cause I thought he genuinely cheated.

Do you guys think it was unreasonable for me to do so or it’s nothing? It is his brother after all

Tl;dr Boyfriend is mad at me for telling his brother I lent him £5k during an argument.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Breakingbay on 2024-01-17 18:46:26+00:00.

Husband has anger issues and I’m having trouble placing blame on him.

My 32F husband 35M has had anger issues since we started dating. There were a lot of red flags that I ignored or tried to explain away.

Here are a few examples:

-He was visiting me in my hometown before we moved in together. The drive was 4 hours. My childhood cat unexpectedly died that day and when he got to town I was at the vet having her put down. He got mad and said that he was so glad I chose today to do that. He was mad about traffic and rain. I had to calm him down and not the other way around. He never apologized or had any sympathy about my pet.

-I was meeting him at the gym and got there not too long before he was done. We weren’t supposed to workout together. I couldn’t go earlier because I have to drop my son off at school. He just said “I didn’t think you’d be so late” in a very mean tone and walked away from me without saying bye or anything.

-I missed a turn when giving him directions to a restaurant. He got really made and told me to say I was stupid and horrible at directions.

-my son is autistic and has a very limited diet. He has yelled at him numerous times to eat things. To the point of making him and me cry.

-every time I tried to tell him that my son has sensory issues and can’t eat certain things he gets mad and tells me the only thing wrong with my son is me.

-at our wedding rehearsal dinner my son was nervous and didn’t want to walk down the isle as ring bearer. (He did on the actual day with no complaints or issues). But for the rest of the rehearsal my husband wouldn’t talk to me. Then we got in the car to leave and he berated me about not making my son practice. He was so pissed off and wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. The night before my wedding. He ruined it. We wouldn’t talk to me the morning of our wedding either. Until I made him. He just kept saying that he wasn’t sure if he could marry me because of me not making my son walk down the aisle to practice. Our wedding isn’t a good memory. It’s not a day I want to celebrate.

-he gets mad on every single trip we take. Every one.

-my dad died a few years ago and I always visit his grave on the anniversary. It’s in my hometown 4 hours away. My husband chose to come. He was mad before we even left. He was mad the whole drive. We went to lunch with my siblings and they were saying inappropriate things in front of my 11 yo. My son didn’t even really notice. By my husband got so mad at me for not telling them to stop. (I should have told them not to do that in front of my kid. I realize that now.) but he berated me for hours about how awful of a mother I am. How it’s my fault my son won’t eat other things. How he can’t marry me because of how I would raise other kids. He told me that he was going to take over raising my son and that I was not going to “usurp his authority” and that if I didn’t change then he would leave me.

-he wouldn’t let my son eat the things he wanted. He tried to force him to eat vegetables and different meats and things. I understand that he wanted him to eat healthier. But my son will starve before he eats those things. He can’t handle the textures and tastes of other foods than his safe ones.

-he was mad when we went to our baby’s anatomy scan. I was so excited and he was mad about something I had no idea about.he drove really aggressively with me in the car. I was very pregnant. He wouldn’t talk to me the drive there or the whole time we were seeing our baby on the monitor. He ruined what was supposed to be so special.

-the week after having our baby I had terrible post partum depression. I would cry about everything and I felt so awful. I told him and he got mad at me. He said i was taking things for granted and being ungrateful and ridiculous. I tried to tell him it was hormones and I couldn’t help it.

-I was exhausted from staying up with our 6 week old baby. I hadn’t slept hardly any since his birth. I told my husband that I just needed one night to sleep. He said he would take care of him that night. I was in the bedroom and could hear our baby crying. My husband told our baby “shut up, this is your fault”. I told him to give him to me. He wouldn’t. He laid him in his crib to cry. I picked him up and held him while crying myself.

-my son had a friend spend the night. The friend tried to jump over a baby gate and fell. My husband was mad about it. I said he was just a kid being a kid. My husband got so mad he couldn’t stand it.

-I was sweeping the kitchen and my 8month old son crawled into the dirt pile. I picked him up and noticed he was wet so I went to change him. My husband got home and finished sweeping but was really mad after and wouldn’t talk to me. He texted me later saying he was sorry but that he got mad because he “had to” clean up the mess in the kitchen.

I called today and made an appointment for counseling. When I told my husband, I really struggled with saying that it was because of him and not me.

I said that I was struggling with his anger and attitude. I almost followed that with “I know I’m not perfect and that things are my fault too” but I didn’t. I don’t treat him like that. I’m not mean to him. If anything I’m too nice. I forgive him when I shouldn’t. Please just help me understand that this isn’t my fault. That it’s his anger and not me inducing it.

TLDR; my husband is mean and angry and I am trying to understand that it’s him and not me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/-Yunari- on 2024-01-17 18:00:44+00:00.

TW: pregnancy loss

Ever since I met my husband and my MIL found out about my SIL's 4 children, she always showed great interest in them. Before I even got married to my husband, we did occasionally have big family dinners outside which does include my brother, his wife and kids which is totally normal. At my marriage, I started noticing my MIL 'obsessive behavior' towards my niece and nephews. It wasn't a big wedding ceremony so her behavior was very noticeable. She went out on her way to have conversations with my SIL and even planning out future events with her during the wedding. The first one being last Christmas (2023). My SIL loves to receive things and loves attention so she's gladly accepting everything from my MIL.

I understand that my MIL might be lonely and want grandchildren, she lives 2-3 hours drive away from us. My husband and I have been trying to conceive but unfortunately I had an ectopic pregnancy a few months back. My SIL, who I thought would maybe understand my pain, did not make my loss easy to move on from. I made a post back then ranting out what she had said to me about it and even to this day, it haunts me and I see her in a totally different light. My MIL was very excited when she heard I was pregnant and started buying all these things (clothes, baby toys, etc.) when I was only 5-6 weeks. Now ever since my loss, it looks like she's using my nephews and niece as a replacement even more. She always mentions to my SIL, when they see each other, how she hopes I can be like my SIL in the future and give birth to children like hers.

My mother and I also find it very uncomfortable being stuck between them. My MIL either calls my mom to tell my SIL to come over with the kids when she has time or asks me to plan things to include my SIL and the kids. My MIL sees her as some goddess with 4 kids and not seeing anything outside that box. It's just kind of sad seeing from my POV that my MIL is pouring all her heart and soul to trying to make my nephews and niece happy but they might not even remember her when they leave her house. I just wish my SIL would slowly decline my MIL's actions and gifts but she's not doing anything to put a pause to my MIL's obessesion. I just have this gut feeling something might go wrong soon or maybe I am overthinking... should I say something to my MIL/SIL or just let it maybe eventually dwindle down?

My MIL resides with her husband and daughter so she does not live alone just incase anyone thought she was.

TDLR: My MIL is obsessed with my SIL and her 4 kids and wants to include them in anything we possibly do. It puts me in an awkward spot between them.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Usual-Rub3134 on 2024-01-17 17:10:09+00:00.

We have been friends for eight years. We went out clubbing Monday night, with one other guy and one other girl. I brought them to my favorite place, and we got drinks and started dancing with each other. I had a few different guys come up and try to dance with me and I rejected a few before I was approached by one I found hot and decided to dance with him. The same thing happened a couple more times and I went home with the third man I danced with other than my friends.

I saw my friend again yesterday at his place, and he asked me "Why did you say no to dancing with so many guys, yet you danced with a few of them?"

I told him "I was just waiting for a hot one."

He replied "So if a guy isn't hot you won't even give him the honor of dancing with you?"

I said "I can be picky about who I dance with if I want to be."

Then he asked me "Do you discriminate based on looks in your work as a doctor?"

I said "Absolutely not!"

He said "Somehow I doubt it. You seem shallow and I doubt you leave that in the club."

I asked him "Are you upset with me?"

He said yes, and I immediately got up and left. I'm starting to feel afraid of him because of his attitude. Do I talk to him about it? Or is he beyond help at this point? I'm not sure if I should just avoid him for my own safety.

TL;DR! - He got mad at me for only dancing with hot guys and now I'm afraid of him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ghhhh2019 on 2024-01-17 16:13:30+00:00.

Hi all,

I’m in a 3 month relationship and I’m starting to notice weird signs of potential gaslighting and manipulation from the man I’m dating. However, I don’t know if it’s gaslighting or not so I’d appreciate an objective perspective on this.

For context he’s been cheated on in the past and I think this drives this type of behaviour, at least partly. He’s also very Christian and I left the church in my tween years so I think this also impacts his views on sex.

Two examples come to mind:

1. When I first met him we were talking about sexual experiences and fantasies and the topic of 3somes was raised. He asked me what I thought about it and I was honest and said I had a FFM 3some before but that I wouldn’t do it again because it can make things messy and if I were to do one with a SO it would be many many many years into a marriage and only if we were both very secure in the relationship and just wanted to do it to experience it together. He asked what I thought about MMF 3somes and how he would find it a turn on if that’s something his girl would be open to. I said I’ve never had one nor had I really wanted to have one but if it’s something my partner was into I’d consider it.

Fast forward 2 months, the topic was raised again in a game and I said the same thing as before except this time when he said he’d be down for a FFM 3some I decided to play devils advocate and said « that’s fine, but I’m not into girls so having a girl in the bedroom doesn’t do anything for me. The female equivalent pleasure wise would be to have another guy. Is that something you’re open to as well? » and he immediately got defensive and changed the tune of his speech. He said that it’s a turn off that I wanted to be with another man and that he’d break up with me if I asked for that. I was thrown off by this reaction because he previously said it was a turn on and I never judged him for his fantasy. I was trying to have a mature conversation and came out of it feeling like he had a double standard and was judging me and perhaps testing me by having lied to me the first time we talked about it so he could see what I would say

1. We played a game where the question was « what would you do if your spouse decided they just don’t want to have sex again? Would you divorce » My answer was more or less that I would talk to my partner to see where this decision was coming from and that I would try and find some type of compromise because to me intimacy is an important part of a relationship but if no compromise is found then the only 2 options would be to open the marriage or divorce. He then asked well what if it’s a health reason and it just stops working, so I said that’s different (obviously), that’s not a choice, and there are also things you can try if that is the case. I noticed he got more and more defensive and turning my words into insinuations that I wanted to be with another man. He started saying you’d be ok with an open relationship? And I said no I don’t want that but in an extreme situation you have to discuss your options as a couple on how to deal with the issue. And from there he just kept saying well good to know that you’d leave me if my d stopped working and I thought he was kidding or being sarcastic because in my head I hadn’t said such a thing but he had continued making these comments and now he’s having “doubts” about me.

I left both of these situations feeling mind effed because I feel like assumptions are being made about me by manipulating my words into something that I didn’t even mean. I feel genuinely crazy and am questioning my reality and questioning if what I said really comes across in the way he’s taking it

He’s very insecure and I have noticed it. Insecurities are normal but what I don’t want to tolerate is manipulation or gaslighting that uses insecurity as an excuse. I just don’t know if this is gaslighting or not

TLDR: I think my bf is gaslighting me or manipulating me but I’m not sure

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Successful-Job8718 on 2024-01-17 15:41:00+00:00.

Me (M22) and my girlfriend (F24) have only known each other for a couple months now, but there is an incredible chemistry between us. I really like her, I think she's a beautiful person, with a strong intelligence and I know that it is mutual. We have a mature relationship, with a very high level communication, but discordant ideologies. She is very inclined towards public nudism, exhibitionism, polygamy etc., while I have more "conservative" ideas, although I understand and appreciate her point of view. I would be very happy to be able to share it as well, but I feel victim to the most common social dynamics, I have a high degree of modesty and I have never experienced nothing outside monogamy, so the idea that others see her naked, and that she can get pleasure from it, or that she has sex with others doesn't please me at all. Unfortunately in this circumstance we found a problem: from her pov she is willing to give up some of her pleasures (not all of them), so as not to make me feel bad, while I would not want her to feel forced to make sacrifices, and I would like to be able to accept these aspects of her, but I understand that it is impossible for me to make myself happy with aspects that make me feel bad, without exploding sooner or later.

TL;DR; Basically we are perfect together, but I can't get with some aspects of her. So my question is: do you guys have any advice? Breaking up is not an option.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mysterious-Horse-838 on 2024-01-17 15:11:47+00:00.

TL;DR I've never met any of my boyfriend's friends. When I showed interest in meeting one of them (while commuting), my bf reacted weirdly and started downplaying the importance of the said friendship (or at least how much he talks about the said friend). He seemed so tense that I ditched the idea and continued my commute alone. Now I feel both embarrassed (because of my reaction) but also weirded out by his reaction.

ooo

We have dated for 4 years but don't live together. I have met his parents a few times, and they seem to accept me in the family.

However, I've never met any of his friends, despite hearing several stories of them. Today, I would have had a chance to meet one of them, Mike, while I and bf were both heading towards the city centrum. I asked if that was ok and said that I would love to meet Mike since I've heard so many things about him.

My boyfriend started looking a bit weird. I could see that the idea of me and Mike meeting was making him tense. He also looked embarrassed and asked: "What do you mean "you've heard so many things of him"? Have I ever even mentioned him?"

His response took me by surprise because it was only last week when I and boyfriend discussed Mike and his divorce together. And there has been several other times when my bf has mentioned Mike in a side comment. So I don't understand why he felt so surprised about my comment.

I felt so weird about the situation that I decided to ditch my idea and took the tram instead, without meeting Mike. Now I mostly feel that I was overreacting but a part of me also feels that my bf is hiding something from me. I've ignored my intuition several times in the past, and sometimes it has led to some really painful experiences.

How should I proceed with this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NeonGladiator2 on 2024-01-17 14:18:14+00:00.

My life's been pretty wild, different from most guys. My ex-wife is into both guys and girls, and we used to hang out with a bunch of really good-looking women. She's got BPD and would often make these women fall hard for her, then hit them with tons of emotional stuff.

I was usually the one trying to smooth things over, which means I ended up being friends with a lot of these women, and yeah, I've been with most of them. My ex and I split up a year ago, and now her current girlfriend is coming to me for advice.

Since the divorce, I've dated a bunch of women and now I've got a girlfriend who's really different from my ex and those friends. She's more of a down-to-earth, drama-free kind of girl. She thinks my past sounds like something straight out of a crazy movie.

But here's my problem: I've got this group of women around me – my ex-wife, my current girlfriend, an old flame, a couple of my ex's flings, and her new girlfriend. They all can't stand each other, and it's a mess.

My therapist says I should keep my distance from all of them except my current girlfriend. But it's hard, I enjoy their company and I don't like feeling lonely. Plus, they're all really attractive, which is a boost for my ego.

Almost every day, there's some drama or they're asking me about each other. I thought my ex was the one who held this group together, but now I realize it's actually me. I've tried to stay out of their drama, but I keep getting dragged back in.

Another thing is, my ex has mild autism on top of BPD. I know she's not my responsibility anymore, but I still care about her. I just don't know how much of my own happiness and peace I can keep giving up for all this. We do have a shared dog and he lives with her and I miss him so much.

My questions to those more experience are:

1. How can I effectively set and maintain boundaries with these women to reduce drama but not lose the friendships?
2. My therapist suggests distancing from everyone but my current girlfriend. Do you agree, and if so, how can I do this without feeling lonely?
3. Given my ex-wife's BPD and mild autism, how can I support her in a healthy way without getting too involved in her life again?
4. How can I ensure my current relationship stays strong and unaffected by my past and these complex friendships?
5. What steps can I take to grow from this experience and avoid similar situations in the future?

TL;DR:

Post-divorce, I'm friends with my bisexual ex-wife, her partners, and a few other women I've been involved with, creating a lot of drama. My new, more conservative girlfriend finds my past unbelievable. My therapist advises distancing from everyone except my current girlfriend, but I struggle with loneliness and enjoy the ego boost from these attractive friends. I'm trying to set boundaries but keep getting dragged into their conflicts. Need advice on handling this complex situation without sacrificing my happiness or current relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Unable_Car9197 on 2024-01-17 14:15:40+00:00.

my (19f) relationship with my boyfriend (19m) is long-distance (usa to uk). we’ve been dating for almost 3 years, during that time i’ve bought two plane tickets for us both (3.2k) to have him stay over for 1 months then 3 months. it’s been over half a year since the last time we’ve seen eachother and he’s agreed with me to buy the ticket himself this time. we further plan to get engaged this up-coming meet-up.

the issue i’m having with him is that he’s insistent on buying a PS5, which is completely fine but the thing is, he’s just finishing a course for personal training and he’ll be hired by a company soon, but we’ve got no idea how much he’ll make. he’s also been wanting to buy weed when he’s got about £50 in savings. what he wants to buy is £30. I, on the other hand, have worked my tail-end off so we can see eachother, our engagement was my initiation, i bought a very decent car for US when he gets here and it’s unfortunately broken down. i’m paying $8k to fix that car for US. I asked him for $300 and he gave it to me for food so i can save up for the car, but now he wants the money back for the PS5.

is this man even wanting a relationship with me? i’m studying to be an accountant, im buying our house, our car, i work 60 hours a week for our future and i initiate EVERYTHING. I had to literally explain to this man how to put a ring on my finger, because he was getting frustrated at me that he didn’t know how to do it. My mom is pushing for us to get engaged..

Or am I an asshole for not wanting him to buy the PS5 or make a commitment until we both know what he makes (mind you, he hasn’t worked at all, no job, no savings). He insists i’m preventing him from happiness.

TLDR; I’ve paid for everything and initiated everything in this relationship, including all plane tickets. Next meet-up he said he’d pay for, and we’d get engaged, now he wants a PS5 and weed when he hasn’t any money for ANYTHING. He insists I’m not letting him get something that’ll make him happy.

**EDIT: The cost of the PS5 is over half of the plane ticket in his currency!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Late-Part-2181 on 2024-01-17 12:54:16+00:00.

My (23F) boyfriend (25M) comes from a super rich family. Oh, and I'm a black woman, and my boyfriend is mixed; his dad is black, and his mom is white, and yes, that is important to this situation. I met him at a charity foundation where I was volunteering, and we hit it off.

I work in retail, and my boyfriend lives off his trust fund, but he wants to open a nightclub or a casino with his parents’ money. His siblings also live off their trust funds, but they are also in college to get good jobs. One of them is planning to go to medical school, the other wants to go to law school, and one of them wants to get a business degree. Their parents will only accept them getting ‘prestigious’ jobs.

I learned about his family's wealth a month into our relationship, and for clarification, we have been dating for 6 months. For even more context, my boyfriend's dad came from a middle-class family, but his mother comes from an old, money-rich family. My boyfriend's grandmother (his dad's mother) was a therapist, and his father was in the military.

When he got out, he became an electrician. My boyfriend's father went to college, was originally a real estate agent, and became successful in that industry. Later on, he started a subprime car finance company with the money he got from his job as a real estate agent, and that company became very successful. During this, my boyfriend's father met his mother because his dad was getting a lot of money. He was hanging around very wealthy people, where he met his boyfriend's mother, who came from a wealthy family.

They got married and had kids (my boyfriend). My boyfriend went to an expensive private school, and most of his friends come from super-wealthy backgrounds, and apparently I'm also the only black girl he's dated. I asked my boyfriend if I could meet his parents, and he said he didn't think so. He said his parents wouldn't support our relationship. At first, I was shocked; his father is a black man, so I figured he would like me, but my boyfriend said his family only wants him to date women who come from other wealthy families. My boyfriend also brought up the way I dress and speak. I have long nails, and I use slang a lot. I personally don't have a problem with that, but my boyfriend said his father finds that "ghetto." So he wouldn't like me because I'm "ghetto" and I come from a middle-class family.

I was shocked at this. I thought his dad would be more humble. He's a black man who came from humble beginnings and was then able to provide generational wealth for his family. I thought out of all people would be humble. My boyfriend said I'm not allowed at their house or to go on any of their family trips or events. My boyfriend did manage to get them to come to dinner to talk to me, but they had nothing to tell me, and they were rude; they kept mentioning one of his ex-girlfriends.

One of his exes from high school also came from a wealthy family, and his parents told me how much he "lowered his standards." My boyfriend's mother said his ex-girlfriend was "elegant, classy, wealthy, and an aristocrat," and they said, "Why are you dating someone so beneath you? I was hoping you would date someone like your ex." The girl he was talking about was his first girlfriend. He was 15 and she was 17, and they broke up because she went to college in another country.

What they said about me hurt my feelings a lot. During dinner, they said they don't approve of us and won't support us. Okay, so my boyfriend had another ex. They met when he was 22 and she was 28. Like I said, all his friends and exes came from a super-rich family, but they broke up two years ago. My family invited her to their house. My boyfriend's parents want them to get back together. My boyfriend's mother even called me to tell me to break up with him and let his date be someone "on their league." My boyfriend said he would want to rent a nice apartment for us, but his parents won't pay for it (even though they can and have paid for luxury apartments for their other kids), and they also took away access to my boyfriend's trust fund if he doesn't break up with me, and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

TLDR: My boyfriend's rich family won’t accept me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DiscussionOutside302 on 2024-01-17 11:35:31+00:00.

My fiancé and I have been together for 6yrs engaged for two, he is 34 I am 31, He is a great partner and I can really see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But it's been 6yrs and while I was okay with the distance at first it is starting to grate on me. Normally I don't say anything but today I just kind of lost it. I'm not sure how much more I can take. For context, yes I signed up to be in an LDR knowing he was in a different state and knowing he has disabilities. Including type 1 diabetes and both of us have epilepsy. I also have cerebral palsy and am working toward being a full-time self-published author.

All this being said today I asked him to please give me a timeline of when he is coming to see me and he told me it's a financial issue and that he loves me very much. Okay, normally I'm ok with this but he has never once come out to see me in over half a decade. I can't. I'm confined to a wheelchair, he's

not, and today I decided to actually talk to him and he admitted that his mom doesn't want him to fly alone/doesn't think we are going to last. I was hurt but she is entitled to her opinion. But then I was thinking, he makes zero effort to save money, zero effort to find a better job or anything and here I am writing for 12 to 15hrs a night. There are nights when I don't even go to bed like right now it's half-passed three in the morning and I'm still working, only stopped to write this post.

He also wants 3 to 4 children and I love this. It's my dream to have a family! I would love to take care of him! I want to have everything with him! But I'm also tired. It's been six years and in September we will both be 35 and 32, I am tired of waiting for him, but at the same time everything in me says he's the one. But all these plans he makes, the white house with the red door, the children, us growing old together seem no closer now than they were 6yrs ago.

I keep telling him I need help finically and you need medical insurance. Just basic things to keep him safe because the thought of losing him is too much for me. He went into the hospital in 2020 and it terrified me. But at this point I want him to just make the effort like the bare minimum. He sent me the ring but he never proposed in person, I don't want even the romantic public stuff. Just SHOW UP, show up and put the ring on my hand and just...hold my hand for the first time...no joke reddit if he did that it would prove he loved me in my heart. Am I asking too much? This is a man I would do anything for, but I am at my wits end. What do I do? Please help!

TL;DR! My Long distance fiancée and I are having issues and I am emotionally exhausted, unsure of what to do and at my wit's end. What do I do?