Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sippingspirits on 2024-01-15 07:55:47+00:00.

My (28F) partner (31M) and I just went long-distance. I'm wondering if anyone has any resources or strategies they would recommend to help with the transition?

For a bit more context, the switch to long-distance was not something either of us wanted. He had to move back to the UK (I'm on the West Coast, making it an 8hr time difference) and seemingly won't be able to return for at least a year. I am more than a bit worried about both of our mental healths at the moment, as we have been major cornerstones in each others' support systems since we started dating six months ago. There are so many things from this last little while that would have been much more difficult to get through without his support, and vice versa. Over the last couple months, we ended up seeing each other most days.

We are polyamorous, although I haven't been dating anyone else for the last few months after a breakup and other life things have taken up the brain space. He also went through a big breakup a couple months ago. I suspect that'll make some aspects of this both easier and more difficult.

Given life stuff, we have decently robust support systems in place, including separate chats with the people closest to each of us where we can reach out for support. We also both have a plan for when our mental health dips (his will need to be updated, given he's now in a new space). However, most of his community and support system are here, rather than in the UK as he hasn't been back there for a few years. He was also seeing a therapist but can't continue seeing them due to insurance policies around clients in other countries.

Ultimately, I would love advice on how to build structures that can hopefully be nourishing for both of us. Being ripped away from support systems is never easy and I want to do everything I personally can to soften the impact, knowing I can't do nearly as much as I want to.

TL;DR Partner had to move back to the UK despite not wanting to, and now we're trying to build support systems to get through the next year

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CrushThrowawayAcct on 2024-01-15 07:47:33+00:00.

I (28f) have noticed it from him (26m) and his brother (33m), the only other member of his family I know reasonably well. I've known them both as friends for over two years, but I only started dating my bf recently (~2mos) and I'm noticing it much more than before.

Neither are malicious in their actions, it's more like they think they're being helpful but it's actually sexist, or it's chivalry gone too far, acting like almost like I'm some helpless child, made of glass, or can't speak for myself, and ideas that lean more traditional when it comes to marriage and family. It will occasionally manifest as bedroom stuff as well, and even though I'm on a throwaway, I am a private person and describing this is uncomfortable, but he will just throw out some order, this morning in bed he just picked up my hand, put it on his crotch (over his pajama pants) and was like "make me cum". No kissing or cuddling beforehand, just that. I was like oh, so that's how it is now huh? (He wound up saying "You don't have to if you don't want to" after, so he didn't force anything, but the first move was sus.) If I am entirely honest, I actually might find it kind of a turn on, on its own, but not along with the other things I mentioned, if that makes sense. It goes along with being sexist a little too comfortably. Actually you could say each thing on its own that he does isn't that bad, it's all of it together that comes off as belonging in the 1940s/50s or something.

I'm doing this backwards from most people and now I'm going to tell you some good things about him, starting with the fact that he is imminently teachable. He holds otherwise fairly progressive, humanitarian ideas I guess you could say, like he's not going around saying women are bad, dishonest, or stupid, he's not racist or bigoted against other sexual preferences, etc. so I firmly believe there is hope. I know everyone says some version of this, but he is a good dude. He's very open minded, almost like a kid, but I have noticed if he doesn't find something to be logical, he will be frustrated by it. So whatever I say, I have to "make it make sense". Lol. He also has very little experience in relationships, and I think that's a consideration for why he makes the wrong choices sometimes with me, so I wanted to mention it.

I want to stay with him, unless he refuses to adjust as I can see this making me increasingly uncomfortable. But I'm confident he will be willing to work on it. How should I approach this with him, keeping in mind that he has good intentions with this and doesn't seem to realize it's insulting to me. I want to add that I don't have a problem with common courtesy, like holding doors or helping somebody up from an awkward position by offering a hand, etc. and tbf, basic chivalry like pulling out my chair or coming around and letting me out of the car is kinda cute, so I don't want to discourage him from doing anything like that if possible. If it needs to be fair, however, I would rather us be equally "chivalrous" to one another, than to have him do those things but also treat me like I'm helpless. I feel like I'm walking a pretty fine line here. Thanks for any suggestions.

TL;DR a guy I've been seeing a couple months seems to think that treating me like I'm kind of helpless is the polite thing to do, along with some other signs of lowkey sexism. He is otherwise kind, decent, and fun to be around, and seems to take my wants and needs into consideration.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ornery-Interview-211 on 2024-01-15 07:45:31+00:00.

Hi My bf and I got into a long distance relationship because of my work. I was job searching for 7months and the only job I've found was in a city far away from where we live. We were so desesperate for a job for me that no question was asked: I had to do it. Now that I've moved out (alone) and spent my first week alone and my first week end with my bf after my moving out - I think we are going to need some advice... First of all : this new life is very harsh on me: I move out completly alone, in a very small town with few people my age and few things to do - it's very cold and dark all the time outside - it's not a welcoming city Everything I own is in my bf place - he keeps everything - I live in a little room so I cant take anything for now. I feel some sort of jalousy - I've paid a lot for all of that stuff and I cant use it... To be honest, I also get kinda jalous of all the things he can do, he kept in this friend, can go to the movies, to the restaurant, there's no any of that where I live. I dont know how to handle those feelings... I feel completly left behind while he has fun doing things we used to do together... My bf is not showing his emotion a lot and he doesnt seem to understand how hard it is for me. He always say "I'll join you one day". At first our plan was to buy a house here now it's just to rent a little flat... Idk what to do... This week end was our first week end together since I moved out. Bad tiling bc his family planed a last moment get together. My bf wanted to go absolutely - I had to convince me to spend this time with me bc I really needed it. Today, the thing happenned,.last time family get together, this time he went. I spent half of my sunday alone,.left alone, nobody to escort me to the train. I was completly alone...

This new life is already harsh enough for me,.I wish he would support me more. But anyway, any insight ? Thx for reading me

TLDR ; I moved out for a job, it's hard for me, my bf dont realize it and I dont feel supported at all

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sxmm123 on 2024-01-15 07:30:07+00:00.

I had a conversation with my girlfriend about how recently i’ve been feeling ignored, she told me that there was a reason for it and that it was because her parents were getting a divorce.

She is a very private and independent person that seems to not really want to talk about the topic, but she hasn’t responded to my messages in a while and I do care a lot for her.

So do I give her the space she deserves to sort through her problems or do i check up on her? I just don’t want to give her the idea that i am only checking up on her just so she can respond to me faster (because of the convo of how i told her that i was feeling ignored) , however, i don’t want this to bite me in the back and for her to say that i didn’t try to make her feel better during her time of struggle.

I’ve checked up on her like 3 weeks ago and she told me that it’s been going okay, and that she’s being going therapy but I feel like a lot has changed in those 3 weeks so I have no idea what’s going on and i’m pretty certain that she doesn’t want to let me know what is going on on purpose because she doesn’t want me to get involved or bring up the convo about their divorce but isn’t the right thing to do to check up on her?

TL;DR - She’s a very private person who keeps a lot to herself and i feel as though she doesn’t want me to be involved her problem so should i check up on her or has she given me the hint to give her some space?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Biting_Tadpole on 2024-01-15 07:20:30+00:00.

I (28f) was looking through a dating site with a friend. There was a profile that caught my eye. It has no picture but it perfectly matches my boyfriend and is active. Do I message the profile to see if it’s him or get a screenshot and confront him directly without any proof it’s him? Things have been weird between us for awhile but I really wanted us to work out so I’m pretty nervous.

If I confront him without proof I’m worried he would lie if it actually is him and he’s been sneaking behind my back. But basically catfishing feels weird.

TLDR: Boyfriend may be cheating, how to deal?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OkScratch7697 on 2024-01-15 06:53:47+00:00.

TL;DR ,Hi I am (27) bisexual has a 10years relationship with a trans man(27) is very jealous to my bisexual best friend (27) since highschool. He is very jealous whenever I do sweet gestures to my best friend.

Whenever he is drunk and we argue about my best friend, it always ends by hurting me physically and emotionally. Lately I accidentally read his conversation with other girl that they wanted to meet and take the girl at his grandparents house. I confronted him about this but he never admit it and hurted me physically and diverted our argument about his jealousness to my best friend.

What should I do? Do I need to tell this to my best friend? I need someone to talk right now.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FrankiesFairy222 on 2024-01-15 06:47:34+00:00.

We’ve been together for 2 years and there have been a lot of ups and downs. He broke up with me last night. For the most part he doesn’t feel like we have anything in common and he feels like he is forcing himself to be with me. I don’t want him to go. He’s dumped me many times and came back telling me he was wrong. Just the other day we were talking about him going to university and telling me he wants it to work. I’m so confused. No we don’t have anything in common, but I’ve always been open to him, but he’s so closed off and judgmental that it keeps him from trying anything at all. He’s always very quick to judge me. It’s hard because he’s done some things in the past to me like choose others people over me, allowing people to disrespect me, and although I try to move past it, it still hurts and he doesn’t understand that. His communication is bad but if he did communicate more I feel like it would work. He refuses to see a couples counselor because he doesn’t think it would work. I’m so in love with him and I don’t want to lose him or move on.

Tl;dr My boyfriend broke up with me, doesn’t know how/want to try to make this work. He’s very inconsistent and I don’t know what he truly feels. I’m very in love with him. How should I go on about everything?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sketti-n-footballs on 2024-01-15 06:37:12+00:00.

Allow me to set the scene: it's the night of the 4th of July and I, looking to slum it a little, decide to dine alone at a nearby Hooters. I had never been to a Hooters prior to then -- it was kind of a "mess around and find out" situation, and hey, who am I to say no to a basket of wings?

Then walks in this dude in mechanic's coveralls with his hat on backwards. Naturally, at the time, I was like this guy looks like a total tool -- he's pretty big, about my height (I'm 6'2" and change), but I'm mostly hung up on his outfit. And how he sauntered in like he owned the place. I was in the middle of asking my waitress for a remote so I could change the channel on the television (it was showing some NASCAR rerun, not a real sport IMO) and the second he swoops in, she goes running to him. I'm thinking he's clearly a regular or something, but more importantly, I'm mad that the waitress so casually disregarded me mid-request just to greet him.

So I cause a little scene. Oops. I ask for the remote again and slander NASCAR, which ticks the dude off -- apparently, the waitress had the NASCAR on for him, anticipating his arrival. But last I checked, no one customer owns the TVs in a public dining establishment. Anyway, the first thing I do when I get my hands on that remote is change the channel. It all goes down from there.

This hat dude wipes me straight out of my seat, so I'm thinking he's looking for trouble. I'm also thinking that he's kind of good-looking when I stand up and get a good look at him all up in his face, but that was beside the point. We end up taking it outside (even though there wasn't really anyone in the Hooters, it's not exactly a good look to get messy in a restaurant -- last thing we needed was this waitress getting involved).

We go out to the alley, we get into it for a little bit... ends with a hookup against a brick wall. Oops again, but he's hot. Heat of the moment, right?

That obviously diffuses the whole situation -- we go back inside to eat together and I come up with an excuse to get his number (telling him he's got to pay for my dry cleaning because my clothes got ruined between the fight and the festivities).

Two weeks later, I'm pretty bored. Decide to text him, because why not? I open with a "happy two week anniversary" -- felt funny, and I mostly wanted to see how he'd react. Surprise surprise, he completely goes along with it. Thus begins a month of "dating," AKA regular hookups we call "anniversaries."

And that pretty quickly evolved into something out of my control. We got to know each other, started spending a lot more time together. Turns out he has a whole bunch of cats, I know them all by name now. Somewhere along the way, it kind of stopped being "dating" and started being dating.

So now, he's my boyfriend. We're exclusive. I ended up catching feelings around the two month mark -- when you know, you know... or something -- and invited him over to my family's annual Christmas get-together where he was very well-received.

He sings to me. I listen to him talk about his projects. He's learning Spanish for me. We eat together, sleep together, sometimes wake up together if our schedules allow.

I want to marry this man.

Pretty soon, I know, but the Daytona 500 is coming up in February. I already got us tickets to go, and I have connections that can get us in with one of his favorite racers for a meet and greet. I'm thinking of popping the question there and then spending the rest of the trip enjoying ourselves -- my older sister thinks this is a terrible way to propose, but my boyfriend's a car racing freak. I think it's perfect.

Thoughts? Too soon? Too much?

TL;DR: I got into a fight with a guy at a Hooters in July who I subsequently ended up dating, and I already know he's my forever. Is my proposal plan any good?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BillSome9196 on 2024-01-15 08:08:13+00:00.

I F(24) and my bf M(24) have been dating for 3yrs and living together 2yrs. Lately it feels like we’re just roommates, who live together and have sex every other day but the relationship has stopped feeling exciting or meaningful. It feels like the only time he actually looks interested in actually engaging with me is when he’s trying to have to sex, otherwise he’s playing around with me but not in a romantic way more like how you would play around with a sibling, he’s also playing on his phone or ps5, or working on his car, etc. and I am just there existing. I moved in with him so my family lives about half an hour away, and we live with his family. We split EVERYTHING 50/50. Lately he’s been coming to bed super late, so late I’m already asleep by the time he gets back to bed. Around 12-1AM. This is bothering me so much and I talked to him about it but he doesn’t get it. He thinks I’m overreacting because he’s just playing his game and he wasn’t sleepy, and I go to bed “too” early (10PM).

I love him so much, but it feels like we’re not working out as a couple. I feel like I need more love and affection from him and he’s not even trying to give me that. And I’m starting to resent him because I always try to make him feel loved and cared for. I’ve always known he’s got a road ahead of him to fully mature but I don’t know if I can keep waiting for that to happen.

We’ve talked about family and marriage, but if I’m being honest I know he’s not ready for any of that. Even if he wants it. I’m afraid if we were to have a family I’d be one of those moms doing it all and the dad playing on his game because “he’s tired from work “. I have also been trying to convince him to start saving up for a home together so we can move out, but he’s always complaining we could never afford to leave in this economy. It feels like he’s not willing to even try to better himself for our future.

TL;DR my bf has stopped caring about sharing meaningful time with me and has started to feel like we’re roommates rather than a couple.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Western_Series5754 on 2024-01-15 05:50:52+00:00.

Few years back (this happened around 2021, I (30M) met and befriended a girl (30F) at work. We easily got along and even after work, we would talk for hours endlessly about everything. She was going through a rough breakup at that time and I was being the nice guy like listening to her and all. At that time, I was under the assumption that I will be her shoulder to cry on. I noticed that I was slowly falling for her even though I knew that I am not supposed to. I felt a spark inside me that maybe she was the one that I was looking for. I really felt I had a strong chance because we were spending time together either going out to eat or just hanging out.

I confessed my feelings soon after and tried dating her but it just did not work as she brushed me off saying that she only sees me as a friend and nothing else. She ended up choosing someone else over me after a few months. I still tried talking to her as a friend but it was difficult as I already crossed the boundary that we are supposed to be only friends. I also somehow felt that she was trying to push me away and gradually spent less time replying or even talking to me at work.

I was obviously hurt with what happened but I just chose to slowly distance myself from her as I try to heal from that painful situation. I felt depressed and defeated as it was the first time that I liked someone so I was going through all the emotions. Most of my friends were saying that I will get over it, but it will take time. It did took a while for me to recover but I tried to refocus myself and be better. Eventually, I left that workplace and found a better offer elsewhere. I also stopped talking to her and focused instead on my career. I did try dating other people but it just wasn’t for me so I just stopped.

Fast forward to December 2023, she sent me a message saying she wants to hang out as it has been a while. My stupid self immediately said yes so I had no choice but to meet up with her. While eating, I can feel that we are trying to gauge each other like we each wanna ask something. I couldn’t help but ask about her relationship and she mentioned that they recently broke up. As soon as she mentioned this, I remembered the last time I was in this situation. This was exactly how I met her few yrs ago- on the heels of a recent breakup.

We went to a cafe after and soon started catching up on each other’s lives. It felt a little bit awkward as the cafe was pretty chill and everyone else seemed to be on a date. We did spend quite a bit of time talking to each other and eventually went home. As we were about to part ways, we hugged and then I said to her to let me know if she wants to hang out again.

I know that I shouldn’t have done that but I am pretty sure if I start talking to her again, I might end up again as the rebound. How will I be able to avoid that situation?

TL;DR: i previously liked a girl before but she chose someone else over me. They recently broke up and now the girl wants to hang out again. Am I being too nice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LocalPotatoh on 2024-01-15 05:23:33+00:00.

I F(33) am in a close committed relationship with partner M(33) for 3 years. My partner is my first and last sexual partner. My partner did have one long term partner before and he did sleep with other people when he wasn't in a relationship. I have no problem with my partner's past, it's really okay!!!

Our relationship is amazing and everything is okay. I am attracted to him and so is. My partner is a great person he is really kind and gentle and literally responsible for taking away my trust issues! Unfortunately, every once in a while I feel like I settled too quickly and I should have explored sex with other people as well.

I am guilty of fantasising about how it would be to have sex with someone else. I am extremely close to a co worker (M 36) and we have a very good witty conversations, he is an extremely good friend and is beyond supportive, he is kind and every once in a while we go for breaks together to discuss his life issues, he is in an open relationship with his partner(F 35) and he has been having some relationship issues.

Lately both of us were the only two people in office and I started to feel very sexually attracted towards him. Of course I did not act on it and move past the feeling. However, I landed up getting intimate with my partner that night but I couldn't stop thinking about my coworker while doing it. I'm very concerned. I genuinely love my husband and I'm happy with him. But what are these feelings?

TL;DR! - Did I cheat on my partner?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hour_Reporter4055 on 2024-01-15 03:26:18+00:00.

So based off the title, I know it seems bad but it dosent. I am F27 and my boyfriend is M28. We have been dating for 6 months now but here is the catch, it is a online relationship. Earlier today he wanted to see my face. I has already saw his a couple months before and he has been asking to see mine since last week.

You must be wondering, "Why can't you just show it?" or, "Not a big deal.", you see, I am Neanimorphic. So I get mis-aged alot when it comes to strangers. Im not the cute girl type. I'm just the average insecure girl who is trying to get their life together.

So I got a couple of photos and sent it to him. He gave me a compliment or two and then never talked to me after that. Whenever this situation happens, I'd always need some type of reassurance just to make sure nothing is wrong. About 10-14 minutes later he texted me goodnight but no I love you.

Just know, he ALWAYS says I love you but I have to say it first just so he could. I found it odd and I traced my thought to the photos I had sent him. So I just deleted them from our chat and called it a night. What do I do? Should I worry? Should I leave him alone? Please give me some options, recommendations, and advice. Thanks.

TL;DR! My boyfriend(M28) wants to see my face. He saw it then I noticed he started acting off and weird then usual.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Sale_7359 on 2024-01-15 03:02:50+00:00.

My girlfriend of almost 4 years have gotten pretty serious. About two months ago I started paying her phone line and even linked our iCloud’s after getting new phones together. This is our first relationship for both and throughout the years we have gotten really close having spent countless hours together and traveled to many places and basically lived together for a while now (taking turns staying over)

Since we started dating one of my goals was to practice transparency and as much honesty. We’ve explored and experimented and learned a lot about ourselves. About a year and a half ago we introduced ‘toys’ and it has been great.

Here’s where things have kind of changed though. She has recently started watching porn. I am completely fine with it, in fact, it intrigues me in a way. I’ve expressed many times that it’s great to explore yourself and have encouraged her to do so. I’ve even been transparent with her about my time when I watched porn and such, but ever since we became sexually active and began to have such conversations she has always denied watching or even pleasuring herself and never is as comfortable as sharing as I have been from the very beginning. Lately she has been very mysterious about it and has even gone as far as making excuses about being busy or having to take a call and proceeding to watch porn. I only know because we now share full access to all our devices. She doesn’t seem to realize that I can see that and I haven’t figured out how to engage in such conversation without coming off the wrong way so I’ve just played along. I’m not against it I just don’t know why she would keep that from me after I’ve done my best to be transparent and open from the very beginning and it seems she was never on the same page after this long.

What is the best way to talk to my girlfriend about this or should I even?

Tl;dr Girlfriend of 4 years recently started watching porn behind my back and I’m not sure why or how to engage in a conversation about it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Weekly_Literature720 on 2024-01-15 02:05:58+00:00.

My (27f) fiancé (26m) (7 years together ) has always tended to freak out when I go out alone ( I don’t drive). He will ask if I can go with a friend (even guy friends) or my mom (I live with her). I had to talk to him so now he is alot better with it but does ask if he can just pick me up afterwards. Like two weeks ago I went to the movies alone and he asked if he could pick me up. I said no and he respected it.

Today however, we got in an argument and weren’t talking. We were at the farmers market and I told him I was getting home on my own in an Uber. He asked me why and said that he had brought me there and therefore he should take me home. I told him I didn’t want to go with him. He got hurt by this and said that I didn’t have to be mean about it. He continued to follow me in the farmers market. I didn’t buy anything and just went with him to the car.

On our way back though he parked infront of his bank I got out the car and told him I was going to the grocery store that was a minute walk away because I really needed groceries. He told me to wait so he could go with me. I said that I’m fine and that I’d once again go home alone in an Uber. I kept walking but he parked the car infront of the grocery store and followed me in. He got a basket and asked me to put my groceries in it so he could carry them. Afterwards he carried the bags to the car and drove me home.

Later on, he asked if I could go on a walk with him in our neighborhood (we live nearby each other). I agreed because I wanted us to clear the air, but nothing actually resolved. He dropped me off home in his car and I got out and instead of going back inside I left to walk on my own. He saw me and proceeded to call me and asked where I was. He then sent me a message an hour later saying to at least let him know when I’m home safe.

I feel that I don’t owe him anything. He doesn’t need to know where I am and just needs to deal with whatever anxiety he gets when I’m alone. he has told me before that he gets scared. Does something bad will happen to me. He will literally starts shaking. We are true crime watchers and I’m guessing this is sort of a phobia for him. I won’t lie, this is a bad neighborhood but it’s daytime right now. I feel bad because he has been respectful about it up until today.

Tl;dr

My fiancé freaks out whenever I go out alone and wants to know where I am, but I feel like he is not giving me privacy and just needs to deal with it. I feel a little bad because he has been more respectful about it up until today

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Allergic-Dude on 2024-01-15 01:54:23+00:00.

So I (27M) have a huge crush on my friend (23F). The thing is my friend (26M) also has a crush on the same person.

(To make it easier to explain lets call her Sara.)

So we went on a trip together (we were 9 people including us 3) and before going my male friend told me that he likes sara and that he is taking it seriously, and that he is just making sure his feeling are right before taking a step.

What brought up this conversation is that he was trying to set me up with another girl that was going to come with us on the trip, so I jokingly said why not set me up with Sara, he laughed but something was off. So later than night I asked him if he has feelings for her. I told him that I was joking when I told him to set me up with Sara and hope that they end up together.

When we went on the trip, Sara and I hit it off, we spoke a lot and I spent a lot of time with her during the trip (It was not intentional). So the second day after we returned I tried calling my friend but he did not answer, I knew he had a family issue going so I got worried, so I called Sara to check and see if he is ok. We ended up taking for about one and a half hour. And then the following day we spoke for another 50 Mins, and then we started texting since then (which started 2 weeks ago).

The thing is I kinda have feelings for her know XD, and I have no idea what to do, I have been cooling down on the texting till I figure it out. And I kinda feel that she may have the same feeling. She kept saying that she is really happy that we became friends quick and that it is not normal for her to get close to someone quickly. And she mentioned a couple of things that happened during out trip that indicates that she had an eye on me. (She mentioned a couple of things that I did that no on noticed) and she kept thanking me for taking care of her while we were eating breakfast.

Im not saying that she is in love with me XD, im just saying that they way we talked during and after the trip was nice and made me happy.

I have no idea what to do.

TL;DR! My friend and I like the same girl.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Beneficial-Lemon-427 on 2024-01-15 00:27:48+00:00.

TL;DR My partner has an awkward combination of anxiety and long-windedness and I can't cope. I've always done my best to be receptive and supportive, but I am now at a complete loss. Any and all suggestions of how we can help each other are very welcome!

My (36M) wife (34F) is very long winded. This will sound terrible, but how can I ask her to stop taking liberties with my time? Every conversation is a one-way monologue. I'm not super chatty and I'm happy to listen, it just gets really frustrating for both of us as we have very different communication styles.

She has zero intuition. All communication is verbal. Everything has to be explained in detail, but she has no patience whatsoever to listen to the information she needs.

She puts no effort into listening to my contributions. Talks over me, pretends she can't hear, then gets annoyed with me for never telling her anything.

On a similar vein, she also gets annoyed at me for never discussing my problems. Ok, I'm the type to internalise things, but really I've given up. Best case she ignores me. Other times she does what might be seen as the more typically male thing of trying to fix the problem. More often than not though she will employ her twisted version of empathy, where she panics about how the situation might affect her. The worst part of this is that her anxiety manifests itself as anger at the people around her. I'm left in a situation where I am counselling someone who is angry at me about my own problem. It takes a lot of patience.

She'll yell questions from another room then get annoyed that she can't hear my answers. I'd understand if she was in a pickle and couldn't move, but that is very rarely the case. When it is, it will be a situation entirely of her own making that she can never see the funny side of.

English is her first language, but she was brought up in a household where another language was spoken primarily. She'll often use English words and phrases confidently but incorrectly. Not a problem in itself, but she does it so confidently with no self awareness and it's up to me to decipher what she's on about, and it's my fault if I can't follow.

She starts every monologue with 4 sentences of filler words. Contextually, I usually have an idea what she is going to say already, but she will have been going for a minute before saying anything. She'll then get annoyed that it's taking so long and drift even further from the point. It's impossible for a conversation to flow from here. All her words are wasted, and we rarely have chance to discuss anything of interest.

Every question about her is prefaced with a, "Would you mind" and an implication that I am somehow restrictive. She will, without fail, later admit that she was again projecting her anxiety on to me and/or looking for conflict.

Every question about me is prefixed with wild assertions or assumptions. "You like x" or "You would never do y." Sometimes spoken like we are strangers, and sometimes just assumptions that no reasonable person would make about another. I then have to begin my part of the conversation by disagreeing with her which, let me tell you, does not go down well.

She lingers on the phone forever, particularly when driving. It's lovely to hear from your wife, but she has no concept of other people's time. Just because she is bored in the car, doesn't mean that I'm not dealing with our child, focussing on some detailed work, preparing for a meeting, or doing some other time dependent activity. She'll begin with a few minutes of, "Do you have a moment, sorry to call you, apologies for interrupting..." I try to my best to be receptive through all this. When we do get to the point, it will be a yes or no question we could have closed out 5 minutes ago. We'll then move on to a patronising lecture about anything that's on her mind, where she will project her anxiety and insecurity onto me. This morning's example was about dressing our toddler appropriately for the weather.

Much of this is driven by her anxiety, which she refuses to get help for. Doing so is too confronting, which I understand. It must be awful for her, but it's really difficult to be patient and understanding around her resultant behaviour. She also works in an adjacent field, so believes she is immune to any kind of psychotherapy and counselling techniques.

She's such a lovely person underneath. I've always done my best to be receptive and supportive, but I am now at a complete loss. Any and all suggestions of how we can help each other are very welcome!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cool-Ad-1831 on 2024-01-14 22:21:41+00:00.

So I (27f) was thinking of giving a choice to my boyfriend (39M). We've been together for 5 years and I really love him but he always diminishes me/put me down and (kinda) bullies me as jokes and no matter how much I tell him how his projecting is taxing he never stops. So I was going to give him an ultimatum; either he respects me and treats me better or I dump him. Is that reasonable or should I think it over?

P.S. he's about 10 years OLDER than me.

TL;DR: I don't know if I should let my boyfriend act like a kid and bully me all the time or dump him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/happy-tree1 on 2024-01-14 21:41:02+00:00.

Hey guys I'm M23 and I'm in a relationship with a F24. She loves me a lot and I do love her as well. but sometimes I feel what if I deserve someone better. Its been 7 months into this relationship. So my ex was better looking than my girlfriend but we used to fight too much and we broke up. So this is the only reason why I feel this and thats not even a permanent thought its just sometimes I think about this. I love her a lot and she's perfect but idk.

TL;DR Hey guys I'm M23 and I'm in a relationship with a F24. She loves me a lot and I do love her as well. but sometimes I feel what if I deserve someone better. Its been 7 months into this relationship. So my ex was better looking than my girlfriend but we used to fight too much and we broke up. So this is the only reason why I feel this and thats not even a permanent thought its just sometimes I think about this. I love her a lot and she's perfect but idk.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA5336874 on 2024-01-14 21:16:22+00:00.

We have known each other for nine years. I truly believe we are soulmates and that I’ll never find a friendship like ours again.

A couple of years ago he confessed that he was in love with me. I did not feel the same. I really only saw him as a friend, but the best one I could ever have. We had a falling out but because of it but we worked it out. He said it hurt him but he’d rather not lose me from his life altogether. I’ve had different boyfriends the whole time but they were short-term and never serious. Being young and selfish I never realized how much this hurt him.

Fast forward to now, I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year. He’s the first boyfriend I’ve introduced to my parents. We’re serious serious and madly in love. Of course my bestfriend is aware of this. Over the past few months I noticed him slowly pulling away, but he said nothing is wrong.

Last week he tells me he can’t be my friend anymore. That it hurts him too much. He blocked me everywhere. He’s moving to another state in a few months for grad school and it would help him heal better so I don’t want to bother him anymore.

I know this is the best thing for us in the long term, but it just hurts so much. I really believed we would have each other until we die, but he imagined it in a different way than I did. It’s still very raw right now. I know the friendship we had is a once in a lifetime thing. I truly love him in my heart and I know I have let him go.

I guess I’m really just looking for ways to understand what it’s like for him. What’s going on in his head. And how to cope with the biggest loss in my life so far. I know this is fairly common so similar stories would be great right now :(

TL;DR Longtime bestfriend has been in love with me for years but I didn’t feel the same. Seeing me in a serious relationship was breaking him and he doesn’t want to be friends anymore

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KiNg__RyAn on 2024-01-14 20:22:35+00:00.

We’ve been together about a year and a half. I’ve had a couple long term relationships in the past, but this one feels different. I love every minute I spend with her - she’s smart, beautiful, we can talk for hours, and the sex is incredible.

When she was in high school (15ish) she was in an abusive relationship with an older (20ish) man, in which she was afraid for her physical safety and forced to do things she didn’t want to. She’s worked through it remarkably well - there’s obviously some underlying trauma - but it doesn’t affect our day to day interactions at all.

The issue for me is that I can’t stop thinking about what this man did to her. It’s gotten to the point where it’s affecting my sleep and focus, a real issue since I’m midway through a Physics PhD. I don’t think my issue is with her past sexual experience in general, we both have had quite a bit of fun before we met and it doesn’t bother either of us. I think part of the problem is that I don’t really understand where my emotional reaction is coming from.

I would hate myself if things didn’t work out because I couldn’t get over this, but I’m not sure what to do. I feel bad even posting this because know I’m not the real victim here. But would it be best to break up with her and move on? Do you think these feelings will go away with time?

Tldr: In a relationship with a wonderful woman but can’t get over a difficult part of her past.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Disastrous-Put6818 on 2024-01-14 17:27:20+00:00.

I (29F) have a crush on someone (probably 28M) I don’t know and that’s out of my league. I’ve been crushing over him since October. I’ve only seen him when I’m passing by his workplace never outside. Last night it was the first time I went out for drinks since I moved in this city in October. I was hoping to see him. Well I was having fun and then I did my stalker things I found out he was at a birthday party at a girl’s house. He posted a story with her, together wishing happy birthday. I believe it’s his new girlfriend. The pic gave romantic vibes. An hour later he posted her alone. That messed me up. My mood changed and after a while went home. This is not normal my mood changing because of a crash on someone I don’t know. He doesn’t know me either. I need him to be single.. he’s the only thing that’s keeping me together right now.. please any help..

For more info My dad died in 2022. After that when someone was hitting on me, I felt weird about it. Didn’t like anyone and the idea being with someone felt wrong to me. I was (still am) depressed. then I moved to this city and I saw him. Had no friends didn’t know anyone. So the only reason I got out of the house was just to see him. I’m hanging on by a thread and he’s that thread..

Tl;dr: I have a crush on someone I don’t know since October. I found he’s socials so I know he was single those three months. Last night I went out first time for drinks with friends. I was having fun but I saw that he posted a story with a girl saying happy birthday. It crashed me. After a while I left home.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OhNoImOnline on 2024-01-15 04:32:25+00:00.

I’m at my wits end. My (late 30s F) husband (late 30s M) has gained somewhere between I’d guess 70-100 pounds since we got married 5 years ago (together for 10 years). He was overweight when we got married, now he’s obese and it’s turning me off. I find myself thinking horrible things like “fat pig” when I get up in the morning to an entire bag of chips eaten, or 3x eaten the portion size I had for dinner (I’m the same weight I was when I was in my early 20s, and I carefully watch what I eat to keep it that way).

I feel bad for having thoughts like this as my husband is kind, caring, funny, etc. I’m also bothered A LOT by his smell, which is new about 3-4 years ago. He showers at least every other day and we have a bidet, so I’m genuinely confused why he still smells so bad. This is gross but the smell is coming either from his crotch or his ass. I could be sitting next to him on the couch and all is well, but when he gets up, the air circulating from his movement means I get hit with a BAD smell. Sometimes it smells sour? Other times I think it just smells like ass. “Horse’s crotch” somehow seems like the best way to describe the smell. I’ve brought it up before and he will take care of it of it in the moment when I bring it up, but I’m tired of having to tell him he smells and even more tired of smelling him, especially in public. I am very embarrassed about the last time we went to a bar and he got up to use the restroom…the whole table MUST have noticed the pungent smell come up when he got up from the table. I’m mortified by this.

I’m also frustrated because he’s not even TRYING to loose weight. And it seems to me that the obesity is causing this smell problem as it only started after the weight gain. He’s also dressing like a total slob (clothes don’t fit, clothes have stains, wearing the same shirt 3 days in a row and even sleeping in that same shirt!)

How do I address all of this while still conveying that I love and care for him? I feel horrible but I also know if roles were reversed that I’d want to know if I was leaving a smell like that when I got up from sitting. I also just don’t get how he can think that being obese, smelling bad, not working to control how much you eat, and dressing like a slob is attractive to me? Does he just not care if I’m attracted to him? He wants more sex than he’s getting and he communicated that to me, but it seems cruel to retort back “I’d fuck you more if you TRIED to be attractive for me” even thought it’s obviously true. He tells me all the time I’m gorgeous even when I just woke up and before I showered. But I’m looking at him in the morning like just praying he’s going to take a shower and change out of his ugly shirt. There are like 2 outfits he has that I’m attracted to him when he wears them (assuming he’s showered recently as well…he needs to shower every day for his smell but he has t accepted that as reality)

Tl;dr I am increasingly fed up with my husband not trying to loose weight, not addressing his bad smell problem, and dressing like a slob. None of these problems existed when we got together 10 years ago. He used to take pride in his appearance.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAcake990 on 2024-01-15 04:26:21+00:00.

I don't know why I can't post the link of the original post but you can find it on my profile.

So I received some messages asking me to give an update. And those 2 people who messaged, calling me a homewrecker, screw you, you should read this.

After reading the responses, I still wasn't totally convinced I should tell him everything. Listen, it's their wedding, I didn't really wanna create drama before that. But then in the evening Ryan came over. Lia wasn't with him. I asked him if she knew he was here as we don't really hang out alone anymore. He said no he just didn't want to be alone. We played video games for a while, he then again started venting about how tired he is of all this. Honestly it wasn't making much sense to me, so I was just listening. All through that, all I kept thinking was how bad I'm gonna miss him when I have to cut him off and how I should've confessed back in college. And not my proudest moment , but I got emotional and kinda started crying.

He obviously freaked out, started asking what's wrong. I told him to leave as I need some space right now. And...he said no. Just a plain no. I said I don't want to be around someone and he said he's gonna go sit in the kitchen, I can call him when I'm done but he's not leaving. Well that just made me cry more lmao. So I calmed myself down, went to the kitchen. He made me a sandwich , held my hand (i don't like being hugged and stuff) just sat there while I ate. Then asked me what's bothering me. Honestly I was so exhausted and emotionally drained that I just told him everything. Yup, EVERYTHING.

And we sat there in silence until he asked me why I didn't tell him before. I told him the reason. Well...y'all were right, he felt the same back when we were in college. Yes, fuck me sideways, the guy I was in love with loved me back and we were two idiots waiting for the other to make a move. I actually wanted to scream out loud when he said that. Apparently when we made out, he chalked it upto being a dumb mistake because he wanted to save me from the awkwardness (he knows I'm not a confrontational person). He figured that's what I wanted to hear. He didn't date because he didn't want to be with someone while still having feelings for someone else. He asked me if I still love him, I told him not really after he let Lia humiliate me. That's not what the answer he wanted, but he did what he did so I can't help him.

I told him this is why we need to stop being friends and it's not fair to Lia either. Well they're having problems too (what a surprise ) he thinks Lia is cheating on him which is why he came here to talk in the first place. Yeah exactly. Apparently she met a past fwb 2 days ago for lunch and didn't inform him. Then came home and started saying stuff like if he's sure they're ready for marriage or they're moving too fast. He didn't think she was serious. He then saw some messages on her phone from the fwb and now she's mad at him because he 'invaded her privacy'. From the messages, they were meeting for dinner again but she told Ryan, she was meeting her sister. So she's still in contact with an ex, has been talking to him for god knows how long, met him without asking if her fiance was ok with it, blamed it on him and is still meeting fwb when the said fiance isn't ok with it.

Ryan is planning to end this relationship. He asked where do we go from here and I told him I need some space from all this. I'm visiting my parents for a week on their anniversary. Afterwards I have to be out of town for work so maybe that'll provide a break from all of this. He asked if I wanna try and see where it goes with us, I said no. I'm so exhausted from all this, he's the last person I feel like being around. But I think this whole conversation provided me with the closure I needed and I can finally get past this. I don't think we're gonna be friends either. I've told him maybe in a year or two we'll try to reconnect as friends but we need space now. This is such a relief.

This all happened the same day I made this post but I spent the whole day lounging yesterday so couldn't update. Someone said in the comments, stop holding the torch, it's burning your hand. Thank you for that comment mam. My world can't stop spinning because of a guy. Eventually it won't hurt to think of what could've been. Thanks have a good day.

Tldr: told him everything, he felt the same way back in college, they're not together anymore, me and Ryan aren't really much friends either now.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/fruitytoot1 on 2024-01-15 03:49:43+00:00.

My boyfriend (28M) and I have been together for 4 years, living together for 2 w/ shared pets. We are very committed to each other and have repeatedly expressed intentions to get married and have kids together.

Last year, he confirmed he would propose by the end of the year. Well, that didn't happen for one reason or another and I've been crushed and overall sensitive about the topic. I expressed my disappointment and have been assured our engagement in the works.

Fast forward to today... my boyfriend's younger brother and his girlfriend have been together for 2.5 years, living together for 1. They just got engaged this weekend and I am so envious and heartbroken. Especially since I have a strong suspicion my boyfriend will propose next month on our anniversary.

I feel like my potential engagement is completely outshined by theirs. I feel terribly that I am so bitter and having such a hard time accepting this. It hits so close to home since this is a complete parallel of what should have happened for my boyfriend and I last year.

I feel like I am mourning the idea of how special my engagement could/would have felt like.

Any advice on moving past this feeling? Has anyone else been through something similar? TIA.

TLDR: my bf’s brother got engaged this weekend and i was supposed to have gotten engaged late last year (didn’t happen). i suspect my engagement is coming next month and i now feel outshined.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nocturnalbutterfly7 on 2024-01-15 03:40:12+00:00.

TL;DR - even though she has since stopped, my longtime partner used to sext online with strangers, while in a relationship with me.

My partner (34F) and I (35F) have been together for nearly 10 years. We are a monogamous couple. It came to light a couple or years ago that for stimulation during self-pleasure she would dirty talk with strangers on different online platforms. Pictures were never given on her end, but she has told me that she's received some from them during the exchange - none of which were saved in any way. This obviously upset me tremendously and I can't seem to shake it, even a few years later. I feel like I've been cheated on and was wondering if I am being dramatic or if others feel/would feel similar. She said she stopped doing it as soon as I told her I didn't like it. She thinks it the same as viewing porn as a stimulus. My take on it is that her words turned on someone else, and vice versa. Porn is disconnected. You aren't an active participant in it. I asked her how she would feel if I sexted with a friend or colleague and she told me it's different because it was always a stranger, not anyone she knew. Do I have the right to be upset, or am I overreacting?