Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Combination9143 on 2024-01-15 03:19:56+00:00.

For context my boyfriend and I have been together for a month but we have been friends and speaking since February of 2023. We met one night a night club in a country different then my own. That night we saw each other briefly and did not meet again officially until December of 2023. We get along very well, he’s very smart and witty and sometimes our relationship feels spiritual the way we can read each others mind.

In my last trip back home in December. I’ve met his family and he’s met some of mine, We are long distance obviously and he lives in my home country and I live in America but I intended to move back to my country when I finish school.

About this friend now she’s a 27 year old single female and he’s said that they’ve know each other for three plus years. When I went to visit my country in December there wasn’t really enough time to meet all of his friends because we just were having so much fun enjoying each other’s company. I remember before leaving for the trip I asked him about her and he kind of surprised me with his responses to my questions. (At that time we weren’t dating) I asked him if they’ve ever been intimate and he said no but initially when meeting her he was quite attracted to her, but she taught him that “relationships don’t have to be sexual” his words. I asked him if he would ever date her if she suggested it and he said that he could see it but probably not with the friendship that have now and he mentioned something about how he thought she’d be a loyal gf to him. Fast forward to my trip now, Him and I officially meet and completely hit it off. I go back home and me FaceTime every chance we get every night and plan my moving there.

Now my boyfriend and I have spoken about him and his best friend since that initial conversation because I’ve confided in him that I just feel insecure and wish we never had that convo because now I know that he finds her attractive. He’s reassured me twice about it now and I told him I would try to let it go. Now him and his friend let’s call her Catherine have Sunday dinners more so before we got together but since it’s been a month they just had one recently. He recently moved so he wanted her to see his new place. Catherine is a great cook she sells food, so typically she comes over and cooks an extravagant meal they smoke some weed and hang out.

I personally think it’s don’t like that she’s coming over and cooking but he says that’s how they would bond before and it’s nothing to be worried about. Almost left out the fact that he was previously married and said that towards the end of his marriage Catherine played a big roll in it ending because his ex wife wasn’t a fan of them hanging out, but apparently she just acted passive aggressive about it because she wasn’t around often anyways as she’s an Olympian track star.

Long story short: am I silly for being uncomfortable with their friendship. I try not to judge hard because I knew going into this that she was around but him telling me that really kind of is always looming in the back of my mind.

TL;DR: before dating my current boyfriend, he expressed to me that he thinks his female bestfriend is attractive and stated that in his previous marriage their relationship was an issue. Should I be worried.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/alexcesaa on 2024-01-15 03:14:35+00:00.

Original post -

tldr; I have decided to break up with my now ex and block them both on social media. The comments were right. Their stories never added up.

Hi everyone, just for the few people who wanted an update. I did in fact look through my boyfriend’s messages, and there was suspiciously no messages. I then asked them both to relay their stories, and narratives were changed. Maybe because they were drunk when they came up with the lie.

Anyway, I broke up with my now ex over text and I have blocked both of them. Ashley’s boyfriend Daniel knew all along. He came clean to Ashley and said he felt an immense amount of guilt so fessed up. I am heartbroken. Ashley is contemplating her own relationship and everything is messy.

Thank you for everyone who commented on my previous post.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Substantial-King-946 on 2024-01-15 03:07:43+00:00.

Hello! I need some advice on how to navigate this situation with my closest gf.

As the title says she wants to borrow some of my gym cloths but she is a bigger size than me. Gym cloths are stretchy and they do fit her but are quite tight when they do and I am worried they will get stretched out since they are on the more expensive side.

She has expressed a lot of insecurities to me regarding her size and I’ve done a lot to encourage her to feel good about herself and make her feel beautiful.

I don’t want to offend her by saying no and I don’t wanna make her feel it’s because of her size. I am very generous with her and very carefree but I do care about my wardrobe since I’ve worked on my body these last few years and bought a new wardrobe to make me feel great with my progress.

What advice do you have here?

Tl;dr: friend who is larger wants to borrow cloths. I don’t want to offend her by saying no

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Independent-Photo112 on 2024-01-15 03:02:54+00:00.

I (F19) have a lot of childhood trauma and have learned that I have a lot of struggles in relationships. I’m trying to break through this though. I have ocd which targets my relationship and makes it really really difficult to determine if I’m being rational and expecting too much out of my partner (M20) or not, I tend to be short tempered with my boyfriend and either completely shut down or have a really hard time keeping my emotions regulated and not getting too upset and ruining our night over something small. I am anxious and panicking about everything every single day. I do realize this is wrong and that I need to fix this I just keep falling back into my habits as my emotions are bigger than I feel like I can handle and take over. I am in therapy and she has told me that I seem to be handling this cycle like an addict would… for anyone who also has had to go through this any tips for getting through it? I have tried neurofeedback but I don’t think that my therapist was doing it correctly so I plan to try again with someone else. I am also starting emdr. I make sure my boyfriend knows that this isn’t a him thing and it’s a me thing I need to work through. He seems to think I am too hard on myself to an extent, but I can’t handle the guilt and the endless cycle of trying and failing to be better. I want to be with him and he wants to be with me but if I can’t fix this eventually I can’t let him stay with me because that’s not fair

Tldr: I have ocd that targets my relationship & am too short tempered. Anyone go through this and have any tips on how to manage better?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hot-Parking7332 on 2024-01-15 02:16:29+00:00.

Recently sex has started to feel like nothing to me (f21). My boyfriend (m22) and I had sex a few days ago and today, and both times it has felt like nothing. However, just last week it felt pleasurable so I’m unsure what suddenly happened. Sometimes it feels a bit painful though or as if there’s a lot of pressure in my stomach area, but this also happened when it felt good. I took plan b on December 21st and I’ve heard it can affect libido so maybe this could be some kind of side affect. I’ve read other stories about women saying penetration has never felt pleasurable for them, but that’s not the case for me because it just stopped feeling good. I love my boyfriend and I’m whole heartedly in love with him, we don’t have any serious issues so I know it doesn’t have anything to do with our relationship. How long should I wait until I go to the doctor? I really don’t want my body to stay like this because I really enjoyed sex before.

TLDR; sex suddenly stopped feeling like nothing just this week, before it was pleasurable. I took plan b three weeks ago.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/knightofsolace1 on 2024-01-15 01:50:07+00:00.

My(28m) wife(27f) has told me before that one of her biggest relationship fears Is finding out I was secretly gay. I’m not sure if that’s common with women but she has that fear.

So back to the situation. We were laying in bed together this morning watching reels on IG and we come across a couple doing cute activities together showing what other couples watching could be doing as well for ideas. So as the reel goes I see the boyfriend or husband (couple in their twenties) and I said “geeez he’s really handsome golly😮”and she responds with “that’s really weird 🤨”.

(I’m not sure if it was the reaction I gave off to the guy that was the problem because I meant it to sound funny. For example like how straight dudes are open to admitting that Henry Cavill is handsome and just being “wow 😮 🤯” in awe about it but are still straight.)

After, (me doubting or believing that that was actually the reason why) She doesn’t talk to me at breakfast and I asked if she was okay because we had planned to go on a walk at least and she says “I’m not sick or anything, what you said was weird and I’d just be uncomfortable going on a walk”.

So now I know that was issue. I give her space without her asking for it and I go on a walk and go to the gym. I come back home do some light cleaning and ask her if she’s hungry because by this point it’s been around 5hrs since our meal and surely she’d be hungry because I def was and she tells me “it’s okay” “I’m not hungry” . I offered to get her food and she doesn’t want anything except now she’s telling me that she actually wants space.

I was simply complimenting a guy like any woman would compliment another woman if they were the type to be open to give compliments, which I am. If I were out I would compliment another dude if I saw something that I wanted to compliment on. I’m not gay and complimenting the same sex doesn’t make you gay so what’s the deal?

So after all I’ve written do I sound gay? No hate to the gays btw just that wife wanted to be married to a straight man, which she is currently married because I’ve only ever liked women.

TL;DR: Wife and I were watching reels on Ig. We see a couple, I compliment the husband and my wife thinks it’s weird and is now angry.

Edit: I hope it didn’t come across as if I was talking bad about my wife or anything, I love her but I just felt like this is way too much to be getting mad over.

Edit 2: Golly is a word friends and I have been using lately to be funny and it just seems to trickle down to regular conversation. Also the use of emojis are to convey emotions of the story not actually typing them or anything. There have been people here that are confused about that.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA765458 on 2024-01-15 00:07:35+00:00.

We have been best friends for 8 years, the closest of the closest. My most loving, sweetest memories contain her. We shared everything, emotionally and physically. We shared out love lives and all.

Untill... One day we were talking and I showed her a photo of the guy i reealllyyy like. It was just a regular conversation. 2 weeks later we go out and she tells me "I started talking to him hahah' im like who? She goes "that guy you showed me a photo of". Girlie added him immediately after I told her i like him.

I was like wtf....she said said we havent even went out yet so she wanted to try her luck first.

Honestly? I was baffled. I told her I expected this from anybody but not her, she was a bit taken back and told me "i hope your view of me hasnt changed?" I said yeah it has, that was a snake move.

I went inside my house and blocked her everywhere, havent spoken since, but i got a friend request from her other profile on facebook, i havent accepted it yet.

Do i even try anymore.. I am so shocked of her actions but I guess i should expect everything from everybody.

What would you do? Would you stay friends?

TL;DR: Friend started talking to the guy i liked and then told me she hopes my view of her hasnt changed. Do I even continute this snake frenemy relationship..

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Spare_Associate_2325 on 2024-01-15 00:02:38+00:00.

Tldr: finding someone better

My (20M) gf (20F) broke up with me a couple days ago because a lack of "connection". It hurts a lot because she checked so many boxes for me, past a physical level. Her personality, beliefs, way of acting, and everything seems so rare these days and really feels like it's so hard to find someone like this again. Idk what to do, she is all I can think about all day for the past few days.

Before this happened I was recently thinking about our future together and was so excited.

I know eventually the pain will heal, but it's so hard to imagine someone of an equal level filling in the gap that she has left.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Grilledbaguette on 2024-01-14 23:50:00+00:00.

Me and my boyfriend (both 22) have been together for 2 and a half years, however we live about 1-2 hours apart as we both graduated uni in the summer (where we met) and we’re both living back at home. He’s currently studying a masters, but I’m taking a year out to work and save up as I’m going to be starting my masters next year (starting in September) so right now I’m working in a restaurant.

I was offered a promotion to a manager position, and I took it because I thought, why turn down an opportunity that means a higher wage and looks good on my CV? It just means I’ll have to work till late on Fridays/Saturdays, and may have more hours (but I was already doing a lot so I don’t think it’s an enormous increase). However, my boyfriend told me he was annoyed I took this position as he thinks I won’t be able to see him as much. He usually has uni monday-friday and works every Saturday so it usually works out when I come to his on Saturday night and stay on Sunday if I have that day off too. However I had to work today (sunday) and will be next Sunday and he seems to think because of this we’ll never get to see each other, I personally think our schedules just haven’t lined up with both of our plans as when I do get a Sunday off, he seems to have plans. He also said he has plans for a couple weekends end of jan/start of feb so I wouldn’t be able to see him then even if I did have the day off? Either way, I’ve agreed to see him this Thursday till Friday afternoon as that’s when I have time off this week.

I’m only going to be working in this job until September before I start my masters anyway (which will be closer to where he lives) so even if we do see each other slightly less it will only be temporarily? Besides, once I pass my driving test (hopefully in a couple months) it will be easier than me having to get the train to see him so I can be more flexible. So am I wrong for being upset that he was annoyed that I took this promotion

*TL;DR; : Boyfriend is upset that I took promotion at work as he thinks I’ll have less time to see him when in reality that’s not even the case, shouldn’t he be happy for me, plus I will be moving closer to him from september *.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RedBarn9021 on 2024-01-14 22:09:15+00:00.

My wife and I have been together for a long time and have children. She loves to snuggle and being close but has an extremely low libido and never initiates sex unless we've fought about it (feels like duty sex but it's still a nice gesture). She appears to enjoy it every time it actually happens, but once a month would be enough for her whereas 1-3 times/week would be great for me. When she doesn't feel like it, I get a pretty brutal rejection.

We've talked openly about it in the past, and she says she isn't asexual, that she wants me, and that she thinks about having sex more often than I'd think.

I've tried asking her what she likes so that she enjoys physical intimacy as much as I do but she hasn't ever told me. She won't tell me what she likes or what is off limits, instead preferring that I take charge and try different things and she'll stop me if she doesn't like it. It feels uncomfortable for me to just "go for it" and to be rejected or make her feel uncomfortable. She mostly starfish and occasionally tells me to stop something/moans.

Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences?

Tldr wife loves snuggling and being close, just appears to have little interest in sex. She enjoys it when we do it, but won't tell me what she likes or wants. I feel uncomfortable blindly exploring what she might like because trying the wrong thing "kills the mood" and the years of rejection have given me some kind of complex that is hard to describe.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAwiinintendo on 2024-01-14 22:08:43+00:00.

I (25F) recently found an old instagram story from 2019 of my boyfriend (26M) in which he shared a beach photo with his friend in which she is basically hugging him with her hand on his chest, his arm over her shoulders. He wrote a paragraph for her birthday calling her bebecita with heart emojis and stuff. He was single at the time. He told me that they became friends at work a few months before the story was posted. I told him I find it weird and flirt and he told me it's normal and not to doubt over a photo that was from 2019.

When I saw it I felt weird, specifically because I noticed a pattern in his behavior with his friends. The pattern is getting close with them in a way and period of time that I find a bit weird. For example, he had a friend in 2022 that he met on a dating app and after a few weeks he traveled to her city and slept at her place. He told me that he went because he loves the city and he slept on the couch. He was, of course, also single at the time. After a couple of months, he travelled to another country and she said "oh, I'd like to travel there too, I have a friend there and I wanted to visit him for a long time" so she flied there and they hung out, (she hung out mostly with my boyfriend, not the guy) they rented an airbnb and they stayed together, he again said he slept in the couch.

We then started dating. After another couple of months he went again to her place so that he can go to a festival. Then after another couple of months, they travelled for a few days in the country with her friends. After another month, he told me he wanted to go to her place so that he can buy a beer from that city and also visit the city. I started feeling weird and asked him "hey, when did you first meet?". He said: at the festival! I said ok, then after a while the topic popped up again and he said they met when she visited him in another country. And after a couple of months he basically said they first met a few weeks after they met on the dating app. 3 different versions. Because of these lies, I started having doubts.

My thoughts are: he is of course allowed to have friends, I'm glad he has girl friends as it is a green flag, however, I think he is getting a bit too friendly with his friends. Maybe I am a bit close minded or conservative in that matter, but I really want to know other people's perspectives.

Since I saw the photo from 2019, something clicked in me and I realized I am scared of him becoming friends with random girls and getting close to them like that again. He said that he wouldn't do that because he is in a relationship with me and he respects my boundaries. However, I worry that what he considers normal will make me anxious.

I do not want to tell him what to do in any way, I don't want to prohibit him to go out with his girl friends, that is not my intention in the slightest. I want him to do whatever he considers normal and be free. But all of this made me consider our relationship and what I can and can not handle.

Thank you!

TL;DR: My boyfriend makes close friends out of women he met after a short time and that worries me. He lied to me before and I am frustrated with the fact that he won't try his best to reassure me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Obligation-6027 on 2024-01-14 22:06:00+00:00.

Bf started to ask about my finances since we started our relationship (over a year ago). I did not tell him anything and explained it’s private.

A few days ago, I was at his place, he went out and his messenger kept beeping. I usually don’t touch his computer so more beeping sound came in. I was curious and remembered that I agreed to help his teller friend, who messaged him causing the sound, for a job referral. I forgot the details, so I started scrolling up since I was the one who replied the teller friend using my bf’s account when he showed me his request. I forgot what make me curious to scroll up, and didn’t remember anything they said, but at some point they were talking about a call that I received from his teller friend. It turns out that a 1.5 months into the relationship, he saw my banking information through his teller friend (checking, savings, investments, etc.) behind my back.

Upon seeing them, my bf made his teller friend call me to advise me to pay down a part of my student loan because rates were high. I agree that it was a good thing to do. I believe it was for my good, but I am very disappointed that he would access my banking information behind my back when I clearly told him that I didn’t want to share my finances information with him. He had advised me to pay it down before seeing that information but I didn’t listen. I believe that is why he wanted to do so through his friend. However, there are better ways to do this rather than looking at my bank account numbers.

I am very disappointed now and I don’t like the feeling of being spied on on my finances. They are not malicious but it’s making me very uncomfortable. I didn’t want to get his friend into trouble so I asked if there are ways to boost my account access security but the bank had nothing to offer than a complaint that will likely badly hurt his teller friend’s current job and future career.

I had several thoughts about how to proceed next, and the best is obviously to break up as trust is broken and extremely hard to reestablish. I know that without trust, the relationship will not be safe, but I still want him with me. We will both be very sad to leave. The impact is it made me switch bank. My logics is saying I should leave but my emotions says to forgive.

TL;DR! - Should I stay with him to reestablish this trust or just bite the hardness and break up completely? I am very tired emotionally.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Naruchandj on 2024-01-14 21:43:36+00:00.

I ( 30 F ) has been dating my bf ( 30 M ) since last june. We are from different ethnicities.He’s white American and im brown. I gained like 3 kg during summer and became 63kg. Which is bit chubby with my height ( 168 cm ) after a couple of months i joined the gym and now i’m 59kg. My ideal goal is to get to 53kg. My bf brought up my weight as an issue and if I don’t work on myself to loose my weight the relationship wouldn’t work. I try to ignore that he didn’t just say that but he kept on bringing it up.

Last month i got some acne after eating seafood and the marks are persistent to fade. I do my skin care routine everyday but it has slow progress. So my acne was his second condition.

I got naturally curly hair and i got curly bangs. Everyone love my hair and they love it even more after i got my bangs ( like 2 years ago) he wants them to be gone cause the hair covers my face. I put on a hair band and push the hair out of the way if it gets hot or anything. Thats the 3rd condition

Im a huge fan of anime and cartoons and I didn’t had access to any merchandise when i was growing up. So my day today clothes got atleast one character in them. I wear formally for parties and functions but my casual wear all are cute stuff. Thats his other condition. Change the way j dress up casually.

I dunno how to respond to these in an understanding way. He’s not diagnosed but he does show signs of autism spectrum. All these time i used that as an excuse to ignore these but the list keep on getting longer. I’m a hopeless romantic but this feels like a business agreement.

TL;DR my bf ( 30 M ) wants me (30 F) to agree for certain conditions if i want to continue the relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Icy-Tension7284 on 2024-01-14 21:02:32+00:00.

I 38f have been in a long term loving relationship with Aaron 37m since 2016. We have been living together since 2017, raised 3 cats, and even own a car together. The trouble started last weekend when we had dinner with my mom and stepdad. It started out as a really good dinner, everybody was laughing and having a good time. The subject of buying a house was brought up and both my mom and stepdad announced that they wanted to help us out with a down payment.

My stepdad said nonchalantly that it would be a nice wedding gift. I noticed Aaron’s demeanor change immediately. His face grew pale, and he started sweating. I know the subject of marriage to Aaron is a really sticky subject because his previous girlfriend before me pressured him to get married and that’s why they inevitably split. We never talked about it because it was such a touchy subject. Plus, our lives have been great and after all, it is just a piece of paper so I did not want to trigger him. The rest of the night was pretty calm, but Aaron was quiet. When we got home, he went straight to bed. I thought that was pretty odd because I assumed my stepdad was just kidding. He had made some comments to me over the years concerning the subject but I told him not to mention it in front of Aaron, because of his past. Yesterday I went to my parents house and confronted my stepdad about the comment. He said that he wanted to make sure I wasn’t being taken advantage of and being married would help out a lot more with a first time home buyer loan. He said he wanted to make sure that if anything were to happen between Aaron and myself, that I would hold more ground with the house vs not being married. I’m not going to lie, it made a lot of sense until he said that I’m wasting my time with a man who wanted the wife experience but only gave boyfriend benefits to me. This really upset me and even my mom scolded him on my way out. When I got home last night I talked to Aaron and we had an emotional fight. It was the biggest fight we ever had. I explained my side to him and asked him what would happen if we broke up. I asked him if we would sell the house and split the money down the middle which set him off even more. He accused me of speaking with his ex (Angie 33) and said that she put me up to this.

I said that these are important things to discuss and if we were going to spend the rest of our lives together anyway then what’s a piece of paper? Plus my health benefits aren’t the best so it would be beneficial in other ways besides the home buyers loan. This enraged him even more and he started yelling so much that his lip ring fell out. He said that history is repeating itself and that he can’t believe he’s going to lose me the same way he lost Angie. They were together for 4.5 years before she started pressuring him. I said that their relationship was nothing like ours because back then his credit was bad so they couldn’t afford as much as we can now. We talked until the early hours of the morning and he said that my stepfather should have never offered it if it came with that “manipulative stipulation” and that he wouldn’t accept it and marriage would never be on the table.

The topic of breaking up came up and he said right now it’s not financially wise to break up because we already have so many investments together and we can’t afford to live on our own individually. We currently share a two bedroom apartment, split evenly. I’m at a loss. I really feel like I wasted 9 years of my life with this man. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. He said that I should stay at my parents until he calms down. It wasn’t an issue until this last week.

TLDR; my parents offered to help us with a down payment on a house if we get married and I found out after a big fight that my bf of 9 years wants the house but not the marriage.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Burpityburpityburp on 2024-01-14 20:37:07+00:00.

We’ve been together for about 3 years. He’s always been one to drink a lot, but for the first year or so it didn’t bother me all that much. We’d go out with friends and I’d drink quite a bit too. He mainly sticks to twisted teas and seltzers, but will drink hard liquor if it’s available. I started to become bothered by his drinking a long time ago, but it never changes no matter how many times I bring it up. Every vacation and social activity revolves around his obsessive drinking. It’s come to a point where I dread going out anymore. I know that drinking soothes his anxiety, but fuck! He has one friend in particular who drinks even more than he does, so I know that I have to prepare myself for black outs whenever he’s around. They both typically drink 15-20 teas each. I participate in drinking way more than I’d like to, but it’s so hard to stop when my partner can’t go more than one weekend without it. I used to drink once every few months before I met him and I miss it so much. I’ve begged and begged him to please stop and I’ve even made it a condition for him to stop in order for me to even consider marriage, but every weekend is the same shit. He’s in between jobs right now, so he’s had the last week off. He’s spend every night staying up till 4am playing video games with his long distance friends and most of those nights he’s drank.

I love him very much, but this issue makes me feel disgust towards him at times. I feel like he’s compromising both of our healths and it worries me considerably.

Tl;dr My boyfriend drinks too much and I’m considering leaving him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EasyTiger1510 on 2024-01-14 19:14:32+00:00.

I have noticed recently that my partner very rarely has anything good to say about anything. He's intelligent and loving and incredibly supportive, but just seems to have a really dark view of the world. It's starting to really bother me and make me feel less attracted to him. I'm worried that I'm being unsupportive or cruel by thinking this about him as things have been a bit difficult recently. On the other hand, it has been something I've noticed for years. It hasn't bothered me that much before because life was a bit better, but now it just feels like he doesn't like anything, or doesn't know how to communicate positive feelings about anything. The only time he's positive is when it's about me, which I obviously appreciate, but I very much don't want to be the only thing he is interested in. He doesn't have many other people in his life and doesn't seem to have any ambition or interests, and isn't willing to do anything about any of the things he complains about. It has just been bringing me down. This aspect of his mentality is the only thing I don't love about him. I'm hesitant to address this because I don't want to "demand perfection" from him or make him feel guilty or self conscious.

TL;DR: My long term partner is wonderful but defaults to complaining, criticising or expressing anger & I'm not sure if I should tell him how I feel about it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yazzydee on 2024-01-14 18:58:29+00:00.

Reposting as the first one was removed for lack of relationship length. My boyfriend of one year lives at home with his mom (67F) and brother (23M). Their family is quite dysfunctional, a fact he has been gradually been waking up to over the last year. He has been saving up to move out but cannot yet afford to do so. Initially we had talked about him moving in with me but I didn’t think it would be good for our relationship as he is still figuring out a lot of basic life skills. His plan was to to get a place of his own with a roommate as soon as he could.

Fast forward to this past Monday — he got into a physical altercation with his brother, punching him in the face. He’s not normally a violent person, but the brother had been selling drugs out of the family home and generally making their lives a living hell. He called me immediately afterward and came over. I of course let him stay the night to cool off. In anger, he apparently told his mom he would not be returning to that house under any circumstances. I told him then & there that unfortunately I can’t have him stay with me full time, as my mom is currently staying with me & it wouldn’t be fair to her. He seemed to understand & stayed with a friend on Tuesday & Wednesday.

Thursday evening we had dinner plans & he stayed over after. He expressed how he saw a cockroach in his friend’s bathroom & no longer wanted to stay there. I asked what his plan was & he said he didn’t know yet. Friday comes, he stays over again. On Saturday morning he slept until 1pm, when I prodded him to get up & get going. He got a haircut & went to the gym. When he came back, I initiated a conversation with him about reaching out to his large network of friends to see if anyone needs a roommate or has a room available. He said he had been too ashamed to open up to his friends about what’s been going on. I told him that I can understand that, but that’s what the situation requires. He acknowledged that his inaction has resulted in his housing situation falling squarely in my lap & apologized for that. Progress, right?

Wrong. He then turns around & asks me if he can cook & eat all of his meals here. I reminded him that he already cooks & eats here several times a week & can continue to do so, but it can’t be every day. As I was saying this I could see his eyes glaze over & him dissociating. That’s when I got upset, asking him why he is putting me in the position to have to say no to him AGAIN when I’ve already explained my reasons.

This situation has been weighing heavily on me. I am finding it hard to focus on my own life & projects because much of my time & energy goes towards worrying about this man & propping him up. How can I make it clear to him that he needs to go home without being callous? At this rate, the respect & attraction I have for him is faltering. If he doesn’t take responsibility for his life, I don’t see our relationship lasting much longer.

TL;DR - Boyfriend had a fight with his family & has been staying with me despite my clearly stating that it’s not a longterm option. How to get through to him that he needs to leave?

EDIT Thanks everyone for the advice, even those of you who were harsh. I was very direct with him that he needed to make other arrangements for tonight & going forward. He left without complaint, taking all his stuff with him. Tomorrow I will debrief with my therapist & evaluate why I am still in this relationship,

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA-Video_9261 on 2024-01-14 18:33:30+00:00.

While my (27F) BF (28m) was out of town he tasked me with decorating the apartment for Christmas. When I was decorating his apartment I asked my bf where the tape was. He said it might be in one of the plastic drawer thing by his desk. You know the cheap colorful ones we see in classrooms? So I went there to go looking for it. He keeps A LOT of things in those drawers so one of the drawer was stuck half opened and I so I gave it a really hard yank and everything plopped out onto the ground including the drawer. I found the tape and I tried to quickly put everything back into the drawer and I saw an old picture of his ex and him. Didn’t really think much of it at the time. I continued decorating and when I was finished I went to put the tape back I saw I had missed a paper that was on the ground off to the side of the drawer. I wasn’t sure if it was something from the drawer or if it was an instruction sheet I set down when I was looking for the tape. I opened to look at it and saw it was an old love letter and immediately shoved it back into the drawer. Tbh it didn’t really bother me that he has those things. But I felt guilty for seeing something so intimate and I felt like I violated something.

Fast forward to now. We were drinking and about 5 shots in we were talking about how we love each other and that it’s cuffing season and he was gushing about how we can be so open with each other. I was a little drunk and I brought up that I found the letter and the picture and apologized to him. I told him that it’s okay and he shot back “I don’t care if you think it’s okay or not. I don’t need to delete my past.” I shot back that I didn’t ask him to. I just stumbled across it when I was looking for the tape and since we were talking about being open and honest I felt like I needed to share that. He said that was childish. Only children think that they need to tell the truth all the time and that I shouldn’t push my guilt onto him and keep the guilt to myself. Then it turned into a fight about a million different things. He starts accusing me of being jealous about his past and that I let everything bother me and that I can’t chill out and then bring up a whole different situation altogether that had happened in the past that bothered him (I had a falling out with our mutual friend due to their history and their current dynamic with each other) When I tried to clarify he tells me that when someone is upset I need to shut up and not argue. I asked even if what you are accusing me of is not true and he’s like “yes, even if I’m wrong just apologize and shut up” you’re childish. I’m so lost right now and am wondering if I just messed everything up by arguing instead of just apologizing for everything he is accusing me of doing and feeling because to him that makes me selfish

TLDR: I stumbled upon an old picture and love letter of my bf ex and him and felt guilty about it. I told him and we fought about many different things including how I need to learn to keep my guilt to myself and how I’m childish in believing that we need to be open and transparent all the time. What should I do moving forward and handle something like this

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwawaybodkin on 2024-01-14 18:29:33+00:00.

We've been together 28 years and married for 25, I [M49], her [F49]. I love her, but I'm at the end of my tether. For many years she has suffered with depression and has had various medications over the years. The effect of this, is that she lacks any motivation or get up and go, and this is affecting her health. She has steadily gained weight over they years and is not proactive in trying to turn it around. She was a UK 10 when we met and is now probably a 20; for the record I've gone from 36" waist to 44" and now at 38" and actively trying to rudder it further. This is now compounded by her going through the peri menopause and she is, when pursuing it, receiving HRT for nearly a year but not a lot seems to be changing. This has also had an effect on our sex life over the years, and it's not very active, and she very rarely initiates, and doesn't reciprocate what she enjoys receiving, which I really would, namely oral sex. It really gets me down.

I have been unhappy for a while, and this time last year I told her I was miserable and the reasons why, so I suggested we attend couples councilling. This we did for several weeks, and it did do some good and the counsellor said she couldn't do much more as we communicated with eath other very well. However, in the last session, she asked if I had a deadline, I said no but its not opened either, (I had in my head a deadline of summer if things didn't around.) She had agreed to initiate that weekend, but didn't and was very quiet and subdued. I could tell she was upset and gave her a hugg; it turned out she was very upset, and if I hadn't had hugged her then, we were over. She'd been dwelling on what I said, and said the she's supported me in all our years as a stay at home mum and moving country's, and now it's her turn to be supported now at her lowest. I couldn't really knock her logic and agreed. She tried to turn things around, but after a holiday in June she went back to her old ways; no motivation, no increased physical activity, almost zero physical intimacy.

During the period from June to December she'd make comments about losing weight for these shoes or that dress and saying she'd promised herself to improve fitness to walk up a local mountain before she was 50, and so on, but then not doing anything about it. I'd go for 20 minute walks most days and ask her to come and 9 times out of 10 she'd decline to join me and just sit on the sofa on her phone with the TV on in the background.

At the end of November we'd been out and I'd had a great time, and at the end of it, I playfully brought up the chance of sex and was told no, as she hadn't been drinking. The implication that she has to be drunk to have sex with me niggles me all night and in the morning when we got up I said suggested again playfully and was knocked back. All my frustrations boiled over and I exclaimed "I just want sex". As soon as I said it, I knew I'd messed up; the next couple of days we didn't really talk and I thought "yep, that's it we're done". We managed to sit down and talk at the beginning of December, and I brought everything up again about my worries for her health primarily and how it affects everything else from it and how she says she'll start exercising but not starting. We both agreed again to start over.

During December, she didn't do anything and over Christmas just increased her food intake and wouldn't walk with me when asked. So she's not likely to change so I brought it up again on Thursday because she is going abroad for 5 weeks on Monday to visit relatives in Aus, and I didn't want it to drag on another month while I feel miserable; it didn't go too well. I didn't communicate it very well, but I just wanted to see her attempt to increase her fitness and get up and go to give me some encouragement she might improve, but this time I told her I've a deadline of our 50th this year in July. She took it that I don't lover her and came back the following day with she's not doing anything for me, but if and when she might, it's her decision. She said it's my decision if we stay married, and if I chose no, then move out the bedroom while she's gone.

I'm torn.

TLDR: wife won't look after her health, and her health and our sex life has deteriorated. Do we separate?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA8185 on 2024-01-14 17:25:00+00:00.

There's more to it. Throwaway because family has my main. I'm shit at explaining so bear with me.

I've (26m)been with Jade (25f) for a year. Things were going great until a month ago when I met her family. I'm not in touch with mine except my sister and my friend Evelyn (25f). Been friends since kindergarten. She's family.

I met my girlfriend's family and I liked them except her sister. I think she came off as really...flirty? She kept complimenting me in front of her sister. And not just once, multiple times and about stuff that you don't really say out loud. For example, she said she loved how strong my thighs look..?!? She's 19 so I thought maybe it was some silly crush, she'll get over it, I'm her sister's boyfriend after all. Well she somehow found me on Instagram and texted me. I haven't accepted.

The sister is visiting my girlfriend for a while. So when I'm there, I have to see her as well. Her attempts don't stop and were making me really uncomfortable. I talked to my girlfriend about this and seriously, all she did was just laugh. She said I'm overthinking this and some compliments don't mean she's flirting. It wasn't just some comments, she's been getting really touchy as well. I told her to talk to her sister or I will and she says she's not gonna embarrass her sister. Just so you know she's VERY close to her sister. So I can see if she's in denial but this was making me uncomfortable to the point where I didn't wanna visit her anymore.

My girlfriend also doesn't really like Evelyn. She told me this straight up after they first met. I really wanted them to get along ngl. They don't have much in common and she thinks Eve's a 'pick me' because she talks about some programming stuff with me (we're both in software). I don't see how that even makes sense. She has multiple issues with her for silly things. Like how her tattoos make her look manly? I think it irks her even more because Evelyn ignores her when she says this stuff.

Situation is, Eve and my sister live down the road. It's a two storey house and she lives on the ground floor. The landlord is getting some work done on her floor so she's moving in upstairs with my sister for a few days. Some of the stuff is taken care of but she moved some furniture and some other things in my guest room. I didn't have an issue with this but my girlfriend did. We fought over the fact that her furniture is in my house? Then started saying how I have to stop being friends with her. I calmed her down, we pretty much sorted that out.

Now my girlfriend came to see me and her sister came as well. Evelyn came over to get my laptop charger. My girlfriend got up to move her car because she was parked behind someone who had to leave. I'm not kidding, the moment she stepped out, her sister got up and sat on my lap. It all happened so fast. I couldn't push her away because I was on a single couch and there was a glass table, very close behind her so pushing her would mean her falling on it. It'd been like 2 seconds when Eve pulled her off me by her hair and slapped her. (She knows about the sister and she told me to let my girlfriend handle this as well.)

The sister started crying and Evelyn began shouting at her. My girlfriend came in. I explained and she simply said I'm lying and started screaming at Evelyn. I defended her. She then got mad at me for letting my friend "abuse" her sister. Evelyn kicked them out. It was honestly so embarrassing thinking I was being harassed by a 19 year old.

This happened 2 days ago. She came over yesterday and we talked. I told her how disrespectful her sister has been. She still didn't fully believe me but said she's sorry, she talked to her and she won't be doing that again. She said she doesn't wanna end this and we can't just break up over this. As if that wasn't bad enough she says she'll cut off her sister from me, I won't have to meet her again but she wants me to cut Evelyn off. According to her, this is the only way we can move forward.

I don't think this is fair at all. Evelyn didn't harass her. She's a friend. There has been no romantic history between us (we once kissed in middle school ig?) That's all. There has never been any 'overstepping the line' She's been nothing but an amazing friend. She was the one who believed me when I talked about the sister. She's the one who helped me when my girlfriend wouldn't even listen to me. My girlfriend thinks Eve wants wants me (bullshit) so she doesn't want me to be friends with her. I told her that won't be happening.

I don't really wanna end what we have here and I genuinely believed we could've sorted this out with a conversation but I'm not gonna cut off my friend over this. She thinks this means I love my friend more than her. Am I really being unreasonable here? What am I supposed to do now? Is this just baseless jealousy? She says girls can just get it when a girl is interested in her boyfriend and she doesn't want her in my life.I still can't get over the fact that my girlfriend didn't believe me and now she wants to cut someone off who's my family?

Tldr: Girlfriend's sister kept making me uncomfortable. My friend set her straight. My girlfriend now wants me to cut that friend off.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PersonalImpress9802 on 2024-01-14 17:13:03+00:00.

I've been with my wife for coming up on 20 years and she has very, very poor communication ability. She wouldn't be able to open up and communicate what she's feeling even under the direst of circumstances. Even in our most painful and vulnerable moments, where communication was needed, she would just sit there staring at me, unable to open her mouth. There's like a complete mental block inside her.

As a result, I feel like our relationship has never progressed passed a surface-level friendship. Our relationship has suffered greatly because of this. From emotional to sexual intimacy down to not knowing who we really and what are our deepest needs and desires.

She does not have some sort of trauma that is preventing her from communicating. She is just very sheltered and immature in many parts of her personality, and thus has not grown or developed in order to be a fully responsive and communicative partner.

I am in my 40s now and reflecting on my past life and what I want for the future. And I do not want to spend my the rest of my life in a relationship that is half-developed.

How can I get someone who is practically incapable of communicating on a deeper level to finally open up, so that we can finally build a deep and fulfilling relationship?

TLDR: Wife sucks at communicating and cannot open up about anything beyond simple, casual conversation. As a result, we've been in a partial and unfulfilling relationship for decades and I'm not sure if I want to keep doing it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/peeved_af on 2024-01-14 16:54:36+00:00.

TLDR: my bf (30m) has a 38 year old female cousin who really enjoys hosting and getting people together (very nice of her). And often will host or invite us to something that’s extremely expensive with pretty little disclosure on price unless it’s regarding a ticket. Most often we say no because it’s out of the budget but then she kind of gets upset that we don’t show up to things and then mentions it often. Also my bf sister (27f) will do anything to follow in the footsteps of her cousins/family, and then will also be snarky to us for not showing up to things purely because of cost….

My bf (30m) has a sibling set group of cousins (3 men aged 27-34 and one female age 38?). His oldest cousin let’s call her Kate is married with two children, and has a really solid double income, and the trust fund/inheritance from three early and tragic deaths of immediate family members between her and her husband. She clearly has some ineffective coping, which I understand is not my business, so she kind of bears the weight of the family on her shoulders/chooses to take on the role where she brings everyone together, which is very nice and theory, but she does it way too much

I guess also because of their financial situation, they will host crazy, expensive events where they either don’t disclose the price or do a last-minute invitation to something really expensive. For example, they would invite to dinner and then after committing, they would pick a restaurant that has a prefix menu. That’s almost $300 a person….. or they would choose to go to a ticketed event and box seats, or with a pre-admission event so it costs about $300 a couple…. With 2 days notice. Etc. Normally, we would ask where the dinner is, and then politely decline. We have never backed out of some thing or insufficient time with response and I don’t think that anything has been a rude decline either. (I’m 27, just finished grad school that I paid for by myself… and have undergrad loans and my bf just started a grad program as well)

He and I were becoming more and more wary of the frequency of the invitations and how they don’t really respond very well when the answer is no? Recently, hisbsister started hanging out more with her cousins and then she kind of will text us on the side unnecessarily when we don’t come to things. How should we respond? (Without overhearing personal financial situation because I don’t feel like sharing too much of that or being the one to make the plans first… we do reach out to them sometimes, but I feel like it’s a little irrational to do something with your cousins every single weekend when it cost that much lol) it’s hard to not become cross with the situation even tho it seems genuine

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AdAggravating1756 on 2024-01-14 16:50:47+00:00.

I a 25yr male live with my girlfriend a 28yr female and I am starting to get agitated about the mess of the place, we live in our own flat(uk)/apartment and she has a ridiculous amount of belongings mainly from growing up that she just can't let go of.

Now when I say she has a ridiculous amount I mean it we have a 2 bed and both rooms are completely filled with her belongings and I have asked her multiples times to get rid of some of it because it's just a mess, she promises over and over to change things but then proceeds to tell me.im not much better because I leave cups and plates out or don't pick my rubbish as soon as it is put down. I however don't think.they are the same, I don't think I can live with someone who hoards this much stuff.

I have given her an ultimatum, which is if she doesn't sort or put some of her stuff in storage I'm ending the relationship.

Just to note we've been dating 3 years, lived together 1

TLDR:My girlfriend has got too many things and I'm sick if the untidiness.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MastermindJay on 2024-01-14 19:34:36+00:00.

tl;dr

Background information my ex and I were best friends for a year before we started dating in late 2022 then somethings out of our control happened and we broke up six months later in February 2023 we were devastated and we dragged a situation-ship of relapses and breaking up until late july we were each other's first love so it was hard to let go but after july we started a tradition of catching up as friends every two weeks about what we did the past couple weeks now My boyfriend and I have been dating about a month and he is absolutely the best person I could have ever possibly wanted he's sweet and loving and I love him very much to our story last night my ex and I were catching up as usual and the conversation started going into our past relationship and how good it was so we ended up talking for about 5 hours till it was 4 AM and he told me to break up with my boyfriend when the call ended I told my boyfriend that my ex and I had a talk but I omitted the part that we reminiscing about the past I don't plan on leaving my boyfriend because I love him and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't want to cut ties with my ex because we understand each other so well but I will be enforcing more boundaries so please tell is it cheating?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Agirlfromoregon on 2024-01-14 18:34:19+00:00.

I met this guy 3 months ago, we had a really great connection and started dating and seeing each other in the daily basis, after about 3 weeks or so of dating he starting staying over at my place every day. We met in October and in November he invited me to spend thanksgiving with his family, and then again for Christmas, things were going really well. We both have the same values, lifestyle, we both want to date for marriage, etc. so I decided we should go to Peru (my native country) so he could meet the rest of my family and see where I come from.

We came to Peru and things started changing a little bit, I felt very insecure because he kept looking at other Latin woman. And I don’t pretend that my boyfriend won’t notice other beautiful girls, but one thing is noticing it and another is looking at them multiple times. In the past he’s made the mistake to talk to me about other woman and how he’s obsessed with latin woman and with woman beauty in general. In fact 2 times in the past when he’s told me a story about his exes, he’s mentioned how very beautiful they were (and it wasn’t necessary for him to specify that to bring his point across) so when I told him “hey it bothers me how much you talk about beauty in other woman specifically in your Exes, it just makes me feel insecure”. He said he would change his way of talking and he definitely improved. And side not, I almost never feel insecure because I consider myself beautiful too but he’s made me feel induced lots of times.

Anyways, I wanted to mention this to put you in better context. Besides that, he has the right mentality for me when it comes to politics, raising kids, marriage, religion, etc.

So we are still here in Peru and yesterday we went to have family lunch to a restaurant and the lady that welcomed us to the restaurant was a pretty lady, and the entire time we were sitting down having lunch with my family he kept looking at her, way too much.

After lunch he noticed I was weird and I said I’ll tell you later what bothered me and he said, I already know what I did wrong and I’m sorry for looking at other woman. He said he was trying to “resist it” but it was hard for him to resist. And I said, this is it. I can’t be with somebody that in a table with my own family there and with me right next to him, he’s looking at another girl the entire time. It’s so disrespectful and it made me feel so shitty (excuse my language) but his word and actions hurt me.

So I told him I was done because this is not the first time he’s doing that and he said I’m sorry I’m not a man worthy of you, I do think you deserve somebody that loves you the way your dad loved your mom, etc. and he also said he doesn’t know if he’s the one that will love me that way. He said “I love you but I don’t know if I love you the way you should be loved, I’m not sure yet about it and that’s why I was trying my best during our relationship to see if I fall for you”. And I don’t know if he’s the one that’s right and that is too soon to see if we are the ones for each other or if after spending 3 months together everyday and traveling should be enough to have an idea at least.

Anyways, after talking for a while after I broke up with him he asked me if I could give him another opportunity and that he would change his behavior and I said I have to think about it, but then he said he didn’t think he could give me the love I deserve because he doesn’t know that yet, then I said “then why are you asking for another chance?” And he said “can I please go on a walk and process this?” So he went on a walk and when he came back he said that this decision shouldn’t be made so easily and quickly and that we should give each other a few days to figure it out and process it and feel it and see if after a few days like a week or so we have a secure answer. So that’s what happened yesterday and that’s where I am now. I’m trying to think if he’s worth my time and if he’s worth giving another chance. He said he contacted a therapist yesterday and will start going to therapy.

Overall, I don’t except a boyfriend (future husband) to be perfect because I know I’m not, but I’ve worked so hard in trying to make myself a good woman. I workout, I eat healthy, I’m a very successful business owner, I’m a home owner, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t Party, I’m loyal. He’s everything I am too expect currently he’s not making any money because he decided to give it a shot and make his own business but he was a lot of money saved up, he also doesn’t own a house and well he has this flaw of being almost obsessed with physical beauty on woman and unfortunately I’m not enough for him in my opinion otherwise he would not be looking so much at other woman.

We still have 4 more days here in Peru until we go back to the states and we agreed to make “the best out of these last few days” as best as we can.

Should I break up with him?

Sorry if there’s any grammatical errors, English isn’t my first language.

*TL;DR; : My boyfriend kept looking at another woman while having lunch with me and my family and it’s not the first time he does this.