Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TheClevelandUnicorn on 2024-01-14 16:29:21+00:00.

Original Title: A few times my sister (36) has asked (in advance) if she can Uber to my house from a bar and have me take her to her car the next day. I always decline because I’m a little messy and like my privacy. She gets angry when she asks now and says it’s weird I always say no. Is it?

I wouldn’t turn her away if she was already at a bar and I was worried she’d try to drive, but she always asks in advance so I don’t feel pressured to say yes.

Frankly, I just wouldn’t do it for anyone. I like my privacy and while I’m not a slob I always have a little clutter.

Am I just an asshole, is there anything wrong with just saying no, even to family? She always guilts me after and when I point out she’s guilting me she says “I’m not, I’m just saying it’s weird”

Tl;dr she has asked numerous times to stay at my place after drinking and have me bring her to her car. I say no because I don’t feel like structuring my night/morning around her going out. She says it’s weird and I’m an ass

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/typical_teacher007 on 2024-01-14 15:49:00+00:00.

Here is some background. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 5 years last August. Since then, I’ve been exploring and experimenting with new things.

The person I'm referring to is a former undergrad professor in his 30s. We remained in touch. I frequently asked him for assistance with my graduate school paper. We became closer after he discovered I was single, and one thing led to another. He was previously married and is now divorced; he has no children. He asked if we could see each other more often to see if we could grow into anything more. We have been seeing each other more often in the last 1.5 months. Regardless, I'm happy! I'm hoping that things will work out between us in the future.

TL;DR - Now he wants me to be his exclusive partner. It caught me off guard. I'm not sure I'm ready yet. It all happened so quickly. I do like him and don’t want to ruin our friendship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Past-Presence-1580 on 2024-01-14 15:31:57+00:00.

Tl;dr I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months. We are both 20 years old and muslim. Our parents know about each other I have meet his family and things are very serious between os. We even talked about getting engaged soon as we are muslim. Please understand our culture. The thing is we love each other deeply and we had a rough time in summer Where we took a break from each other and I meet a guy who really liked me But i love my my boyfriendt the time and always wanted him back. I Got back with my boyfriend and blocked that guy immedietly. When i started uni this guy started to ask about me to a guy in class and i was of course curious about it but never reached out to him because im in love with my boyfriend. Last night however he followed me on instagram and I thought let me talk to him just hear him out stupid offfff me. I asked him so why are you talking about me to a guy in my class. He answered me and told me really likes me and we chitchat a little bit. My boyfriend has my Instagram and saw this. He was so upset that which I understand and calling me swear words on text and blocked me. I explained to him that I was never looking to keep this thing going I just wanted to hear as we never got to close things right I immediately blocked him at the time. I really regret talking to him and never had intentions to cheat or anything but I can see why it looked like that. I don't know what to do I can't even call him or anything I have apologized a million times. I know I am in the wrong and he has the right to leave me but I really do care about him and want him in my life. What can I do from here? Will he come back? Everything happened so fast we didn't get to talk properly and it was so in the moment with his anger

Please I need advice

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/amethystwishes on 2024-01-14 14:34:51+00:00.

I will admit I grew up with traditional gender roles when it came to dating. I was taught to play hard to get, don’t come off as interested, never call a man, and never ask a man out. For a long time I operated this way, and I realize how wrong it is because I’ve been the one to have a guy pursue me like this, to have only be ignored at the end of my relationship with my ex and then left for.

But at the same time it really doesn’t feel natural for me to be an initiator. I’m very much used to guys being aggressive in the pursuit, it’s all I ever known as normal. Anything less, I take it as disinterest.

I also am pretty wounded in some ways. I’ll purposely take awhile to respond because I don’t want to look desperate. The guys? They always get back to me right away. I’m also contemplating ghosting some guys on the app already.

I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I really want to change my ways. I’m already in therapy too and plan to speak to my therapist about this. I don’t think I should be dating by now. I thought I’d be ready but I guess not.

TL;DR I am very stuck following traditional gender roles in terms of dating. I purposely take long to respond to guys so I don’t get seen as desperate.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/soft-cuddly-potato on 2024-01-14 12:48:59+00:00.

So I 24nb had a few months in my life I wasn't depressed and during that time, I made friends and relationships naively believing it's going to be ok.

Two years ago, I got with my partner 27nb. I was a passionate student, I had ups and downs, I loved science, I loved art. This was genuine. I wasn't needy or clingy. I loved to bake random ideas I had, I made a cupcake based on my partner's discord username. It was blueberry and lavender flavoured and decorated really nicely. I'd try to make GBA romhacks with them and I had so many impulsive artistic / creative ideas. I still had trauma and autism so I wasn't perfect I was a different person. I feel like I misled my partner.

For the past year and some months I've been very depressed again. I'm still a student and doing better than ever (not mentally or physicall) I do martial arts again, but I am a husk of a a person. I'm anhedonic, I don't enjoy anything. I cry a lot. I'm rather open about my struggles but here's the ssues I've been having:

1. I get frustrated when my partner makes any comment on me or my life. Including when they try to reassure me. Any sort of optimism from them makes me respect their opinion less. I feel like they oppose my life plans and goals because they believe I can get better, I don't.

This has led me to get more distant, and to just get angry at them when they try to say anything about how I am.

They don't give me horrible unsolicited advice, but it does feel like they don't understand me.

2. Sometimes I need someone to give me strength to fight but they're not always available and sometimes I hold onto them like I'm drowning even though it hurts them too. This leads to things like not respecting boundaries when I'm really distressed.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to drag my partner down or break our relationship. .

TLDR: I misled my partner by getting with them before depressive episode. Now I'm angry and resentful whenever they try to reassure me and I also am very clingy / disrespect boundaries. How do I resolve this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PsychologicalBand149 on 2024-01-14 12:30:57+00:00.

I (26f) have been dating my boyfriend Dean (45m) for 7 months now,yes I know the age gap is big but our relationship is the best I have been in till now,he used to be my mechanic and being that my car is a piece of shit I would see him very often, he is very sweet and gentle, knows how to communicate,gets me gifts whenever he can afford to,isn't controlling at all,he is just pleasent to be around.

My friend lucy (28f) dated a dude named Michael (28m) for a year, it was a good while ago,their relationship wasn't the best, it was a tad bit toxic but he wasn't abusive or anything so in the end they broke up for good.

although me and her are very close we don't talk often,she is in a different country due to her job so our communication isnt as strong as it was before but our friendship still is.

Me and her had talked very briefly over the past few months,she knew I was seeing someone but didn't know who exactly,last night we decided to video call for the whole day since we hadn't had a proper conversation in a long time,so while talking I mention how dean got me a Pandora bracelet, she asked me more about him and when I showed her a picture of him I noticed how her face dropped,I asked what's up and she told me he is Michael's dad,I laughed thinking she was joking or something but she said no,she was serious.

I said that that's crazy and I had no idea since I hadn't met Michael at all,I met my boyfriends family numerous times and Michael wasn't there,or mentioned at all, she said that Michael had told her his dad was an abusive piece of shit and that he had to escape his home at 17 years old, I was very surprised because that didn't sound like Dean at all but I heared her out anyways,she talked about how Michael told her so many incidents where his dad hit him,broke his stuff,and was just manic.

The conversation was long and difficult because I admit, I tried to defend dean but lucy didn't let me and warned me to look out for red flags,that she is concerned about my well being and the fact that I hadn't met Michael at all was also a red flag from deans part.

I am just at a loss here, I seriously don't even know what to think or how to open this conversation,as I said me and lucy didn't talk often so it's not like I brought her up infront of dean a lot so he doesn't know she is Michael's ex,and I am now scared of how the conversation will go, I don't believe he will hurt me but at the same time I heared enough horror stories, how do I go about this?do I just ghost him? I love him very much and I don't think I can bring myself to do it but I need some harsh truths here to wake me up.

TL;DR:I found out through my friend that my boyfriend might be a dangerous man,he has not shown me any signs of that being true but I am not sure how to process the situation and deal with it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lazy_panda369 on 2024-01-14 12:29:44+00:00.

I (25F) have been friends with Jen (25F) and Kay (24F) for 12 and 16yrs respectively. For context, Jen and Kay have been together for 11yrs. Recently Jen's brother died the day before my holidays. (I made another post about this already). I there for her when the tragedy happened but she was hurt that I did not attend the funeral. Jen has not responded to my messages and the last time I saw her was accidentally at her brothers grave where she and Kay didn't acknowledge me. Jen even avoided our Christmas plans with all of our friends which I assume is because I was there.

Kay has taken the time to speak with me to get my side of things. There wasn't much to say since the reason Jen was upset is because she didn't like what I said to her while I was away and Kay had already read our messages. Tbh, even though Kay wanted to hear my side it felt useless as she had already made up her mind before even talking to me. Everything I said to her she responded with "yeah, but...", worst part of it all, she compared my relationship to Jen's bro to her and Jen. She asked me who needed to die for me to have not gone on my holidays, would I have stayed if Jen or Kay died? This really hurt me because my years of friendship with Kay and Jen would never compare to my relationship to Jen's bro who I barely knew.

Anyway, we have tickets booked for the olympics in July/Aug along with a few of our friends and I have been trying to get everyone together to book accom but Jen and Kay are still ignoring me (and the rest of our friends in the group chat anyway). Kay has everyone's tickets and info and since she is not responding so I don't know what to do.

As much as I would love to just book my own accom, I don't want to be away from the rest of my friends just because of Jen and Kay. I have no intention of trying to mend my relationship with them, I have tried apologising again and again and I don't want to feel guilty for living my life. Worst case scenario, Kay will refuse to give me my tickets. My bf also bought tickets for him and his friend and I'm afraid they will also be affected.

Any advice on what I should do?

TLDR: My 2 friends are ignoring me because I was not able to attend a funeral. We have tickets to the olympics in July/Aug and I am trying to organise accom but they are again ignoring me (and everyone else in the group chat). Any advice on what to do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RicoThePicklePicker on 2024-01-14 11:59:39+00:00.

We've been together for almost 19 years. We moved in together to our own apartment 5 years ago, and trying to have a baby...for about 4 years now. No success so far, we had 3 miscarriages due to my GF's various health reasons. I accepted it, and moved on as best as I can and being content with what we have at the moment.

She always knew I am introverted, and don't like spending every weekend out somewhere. That doesn't mean we are staying at home all year round. We have vacations by the sea every year, thermals, lakes, pools, trips, whatever... Just not as frequently as she would like (which I am starting to think, should be almost every weekend...). It was always like this, and has never been a problem.

Recently, couple of months ago, she started picking on me almost every weekend, day off or holiday...she started blaming me for being a hermit, not being outgoing and dull... I am starting to literally hate days off because of this. Almost all of her friends are always nagging on their men. One doesn't make enough, one has no interest in sex, and now she joined the club with the going out thing...

I cook in our home all the time, we split the bills, regular sex, split the chores, I make money and save them, and also wanted to buy her a new car this year cause she drives a beater...

What the **** is the problem? Why does a woman always have to find something to piss about? Like, why is it a theme that these 30-40 year old women are always chasing something they don't have? My god, it's irritating to no end...

I feel as even if I would be going out every weekend somewhere with her, there's going to pop up something else she would not be happy about. And this is a theme of the last few months, and it always ends in an argument. Is it really that hard for someone to be just content? And happy with what thry have? Life's not that fckin hard, unless we make it so...

Please anyone, any thoughts? Should I just bite my tongue and go with it? Try to please her? I have no idea if I am doing something wrong or am just too thick to see something in between?

TL;DR My GF started picking on me and blaming me for being a homestay, hermit, not being outgoing despite doing everything else and trying my best in all other areas. She knows me for over 19 years. What's going on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/divinissima on 2024-01-14 11:20:28+00:00.

Boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. 2 weeks ago we confirmed we are having a baby. I am just out of my fricking mind in thinking about how am I going to tell my parents. I have postponed for 2 whole weeks I really dont want to do this.

First of all, they dont know him. They never even heard of him, we live in a different (yet close) country from my parents. Second, I was a virgin when I met him and 'I've never been on ONE date before, never been the type to go out to parties or anything like that, my parents 100% don't expect im in a relationship, let alone living w a bf and a soon mother to be. Crazy. Third, they have no idea I want children, my mother regretted having them and I always pretend to go along.

TL;DR!

How do I show up and just tell them "Soooo, im having a baby with a dude you never even heard of!". While I was supposed to be in this new country for university. How?? Also HIS family are just his friends, he's kind of an orphan, he was never really adopted and he used to have a sort of guardian he lost touch with once he turned 18. How am I telling my parents? Please, advise me!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/probablyguilty1 on 2024-01-14 16:17:53+00:00.

My husband (29) and I (25) have had absolutely the worst luck this week. We have babies in NICU and my husband was in an accident Monday. He is fine but my car is totaled. Then we had a ton of storm damage to deal with. Now his truck is making some sort of noise and we are down to just the motorcycle and a side-by-side. The heater went out and we are supposed to drop below freezing this upcoming week. Hopefully they will come out some time today to try to fix it.

I just had an emergency C-section the 27th of December so I can't really do a whole lot physically and I haven't been released to go back to work so he is the only one working and trying to support all of us right now.

His brother and dad are supposed to be immigrating here from their native country and we need to get them from the airport somehow. I'm supposed to get my new vehicle on Tuesday morning and their plane lands Tuesday around noon.

When I say we've had some bad luck this week we are both one more thing from a total meltdown.

My husband is normally a very loving and cuddly person. He's a human golden retriever. However this week is pushing it. He is very short and snappy with everyone and I've been desperately trying to just keep shit from breaking more and stabilize here.

He hasn't been mean or anything to any of us but definitely has been very snappy.

I've tried to ask if there is anything I can do to help. Now I'm mostly just staying quiet and making sure everything is done by the time he makes it home trying to make it as stress free when he gets home as possible.

I don't really know what else I can do.

Tdlr- we've had the absolute worst luck this week and idk what to do. My husband is being very snappy and I'm trying my best to hold everything together.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Purple_Entrance3283 on 2024-01-14 16:12:15+00:00.

My partner did something in the past that I still have not gotten over. I have tried numerous times to talk with him about it, and each time he just gets angry. He feels we have hashed it out, I don’t. I’m at the point where I don’t feel like talking about it anymore, because I don’t want to get yelled at or find myself yelling at him. I think about this often, I cry about this often. What it is specifically does not matter, all that matters is how I feel about it. Hurt, betrayed. I feel there is now something to grieve. I have decided that I am going to choose to hold onto this. Not forever, but for now. I can’t get closure through him, so until I feel ready to let this go, I am going to hold it. I will think my over exaggerated thoughts. I will cry. I will process this on my own. He keeps asking me if I am okay and says he can tell something is bothering me, and I have just been keeping it to myself. I have no desire to talk about this in therapy yet, I would rather take this to a couples counselor. He said he is not interested in couples counseling until I talk with my therapist for at least a few sessions. I am not ready to bring this up with my therapist. How bad is it that I would rather hold onto my feelings until I process them a bit more? I am choosing to put a distance between us until this calms down a bit for me. Am I putting out major red flags for making these decisions?

Tl;Dr I am hurt about something my partner did in the past and am not ready to move on from it. Is it okay to hold onto this for as long as I need, or is that a red flag?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Short_Ad3727 on 2024-01-14 16:10:14+00:00.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 months now and my insecurities from his past is really affecting us to the point we almost break up every few days this past month or two. I really love him n cannot bare losing him but i’m at a loss on how to help myself?

Before i got into this relationship i was literally so happy within myself n was not insecure at all but it seems to be a pattern than any time i get into a relationship i seem to lose myself and become this insecure freak. How can i stop this behaviour?

All my past relationships have been horrible experiences and when i first started to get to know my current boyfriend i noticed behaviours and mentioned it to him and unlike anyone else i’ve been with he cared enough to change and worked to help me feel better. For example, i wasn’t comfortable with him following half naked girls (he unfollowed without me asking), he had a female best friend and i wasn’t comfortable with them 1-1 mate dates yet as i was rlly new to it (he stopped 1-1 dates with her), he’s a people watcher n i begin to become upset thinking he was staring at other women (he toned it down n i rarely see it anymore) and probably other things. He’s aware of all my past trauma n issues i’ve had and he’s soooo understanding and he tries his best to make me happy but i feel like i’m destroying it with how i am. I have never met anyone who didn’t argue with me bc of my boundaries or if i was uncomfortable with someone so it feels so relieving but i don’t want to lose him.

In past relationships i’ve literally had guys say that i should get a boob job/lift or that i need to go to the gym to tone up n i feel like that’s always at the back of my mind. I’d say i have a decent body tho? i have big ish boobs (DD), they might sag a bit but gravity?? and i have a decent bum not round bubble butt but it has a good size. I’m not fat or skinny, just in the middle so it’s not like i have the worse body ever yet in a relationship i feel not good enough?

When i’m single i never compare myself to anyone but now that i’m in a relationship i’m comparing myself to every girl he’s ever followed or looked at and it’s causing me issues. I already suffer w depression and anxiety so i feel like it’s all adding up n just getting worse. I’m aware i need therapy but the stress of it all during university would be too much.

I am so for communication so whenever i feel a certain way we talk about it but i seem to always self sabotage n it turns into us almost breaking up because i can’t bare feeling this way and he says he’s scared to be partially at fault for me losing myself. I’ve assured him that he isn’t to blame. Yes certain things at the beginning have triggered it but it’s me who cannot deal with my emotions.

A recent example is last night i was up till 7am in the morning overthinking n crying about how at the beginning of our relationship he used to follow the most beautiful girl, curves in all the right places, massive boobs n big bum. And i couldn’t stop thinking about how he was probably sooo attracted to her and probably saved her videos etc and just comparing myself to her. Now i genuinely can’t go out in public with him over the fear of him finding someone more attractive than me or wishing that i had their body. How do i stop this??? I want to go back to being so confident like when i’m single.

We’ve spoke about breaking up and me working on myself. But for me i don’t know how it would help because as soon as i’m single i’m fine? I go back to being my confidence self thinking that i’m a 11/10. The only way i think i could work on it is if i do it whilst in the relationship. But i have no idea how to stop this behaviour n feel myself again whilst in a relationship.

Any advice at all will mean the world to me. I really don’t want to lose him but if people think that it’s for the best then i will bc i don’t want to make him unhappy bc of my issues. How to i get better with feeling so insecure? How to i stop thinking about past things between us and still getting insecure. He proves to me every day he will change for us but i need to do the same but i don’t know how.

TL;DR! I (21F) keep ruining my relationship with my boyfriend (22M) because i’m too insecure and i have lost all of my confidence that i have when i’m single.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Unable-Jellyfish8394 on 2024-01-14 15:55:10+00:00.

Early on he used to get a little more put together and exercise but 10 years into the marriage, he stopped going to the gym and just wears whatever is comfortable and also doesn’t even shower every day. It’s affected my attraction and honestly even affected our bedroom life for me. Any time I try to bring it up, he says he should be able to be comfortable with me and makes me feel like a bad person for wanting him to look nice for me. Now, I just have to live with him constantly wearing the same sweats and t shirt for days and not being showered. I don’t expect much, just a little bit of effort. Do I just have to accept that I’m a bad person for thinking like this and learn to cope?

Tl;dr: husband makes no effort in his appearance anymore and I’ve tried to bring it up but he guilt trips me for wanting him to look nice

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwawayreala on 2024-01-14 15:33:19+00:00.

I 23 F work in a different city than my hometown and often visit whenever I can. My parents are currently fighting. While no screams or shouts are heard, they just impose silent treatment. My in particular seems to grow distant from the family as a whole. I’ve never had much of a relationship with her to begin with but it still hurts to see that I will never have a mother daughter bond. She’s very bad at communication and in the face of any criticism she reverts to “yeah I’m the bad person I’m a bad mom”. I knew she grew up in an abusive household but that doesn’t excuse her lack of communication and connection from her end.

The issue at hand is that she’s neglecting my youngest sibling who is 6 years old and it’s soo sad seeing how he stopped asking for her or talk to her at all. I used to take care of all responsibilities “childrearing” and now that I left that fell to my younger sister 22. You would think leaving makes it better, but no it just feels worse to see my siblings suffer without me there sheilding them. The current issue at hand is that my dad has been constantly calling me and complaining to me about my mom and telling me details that I absolutely didn’t want to know. Today I broke down telling him that stop I can’t deal with this and please go to counseling. He just laughed and said no way. Unfortunately they do not believe in therapy, yet I can clearly see them both struggling mentally and i can’t take that responsibility.

The problem is that I understand why both of them act like this and why mom is distant tbh I can’t blame her. They both think that the other person is 100% wrong and they’re not. they’re both at fault but they just don’t see it and I don’t want to meddle in that mess. It’s not my place. It’s just that I feel bad that my brother is the one getting the brunt of all of this and my sister 22F is the one who is in the middle of it. I’m just tired of the emotional toll and really don’t know what to do if they won’t go to therapy..

Please help

TL;DR- I left abusive household, parents are fighting, mom is neglecting my brother 6M. Dad complains about mom and they refuse counseling or therapy. I feel bad about siblings and don’t know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway2901750 on 2024-01-14 15:31:40+00:00.

I need some help with this, so any kind thought and statements would be greatly appreciated.

Recent background:

• my father died last week
• there has been fighting within my immediate family
• I have unresolved issues with my father due to an abusive relationship
• I feel like decision making has been excluded from me for many parts of my fathers passing

Ex and I:

• dated for a short time in 2020
• She dumped me after giving me a text “I know I’m not giving you what you want”, and I tried very hard to talk to her, but she ended things
• no contact for 2 weeks post breakup and she reaches out, we chat for a little and she ghosts me [the last thing she said to me was that she drives great, and I said I wasn’t sure because she spun her car out (I was being facetious)]

Yesterday:

• see a new match on Tinder and it’s her; I thought someone stole her images and I matched and asked if it was really her, I wasn’t sure why she’d match after ghosting me
• her profile lists that she’s now a widow and has a new baby

My father died last week and we had a bad relationship for most of my life. I’m in a really emotional and confusing place. I don’t understand why my ex would match with me after ghosting me. I pined after losing her (privately, no stalking or anything like that, just grieved the loss a long time even though we dated for a few months).

I don’t know how to process everything on my plate. It feels overwhelming. I’m trying to sort through never to be resolved issues with my father, help my widow mother, organize religious ceremonies for my father, and navigate the properties and money he left behind with an ‘ambitious’ sister.

Here is someone that I cared about, how didn’t feel the same way coming into or messaging me again. There are so many similar emotions and feelings of loss and missed opportunities. I’m having a really hard time ‘calming’ my mind and I didn’t sleep at all last night as my brain couldn’t stop processing, thinking, and grieving.

I had hoped that she and I would be together and make a family. She picked someone else though. As a kid I struggled to find an idea of self worth as I saw and felt my father choosing others concerns over mine. I wanted to matter to my father and I wanted to matter to my ex, but I didn’t matter to either (or at least I didn’t feel like I mattered).

I’m sorry if this is disconnected. I haven’t slept and am struggling to get my head around everything I’m feeling.

I need to process these feelings somehow and it just feels like I’m flooded and drowning.

TL;DR Ex from three years ago likes me on Tinder. She’s widowed and has a new baby. Father died last week, and we had a negative relationship for most of my life. I have feelings of isolation, grief, loss, regret, anger, and perhaps the most significant is my feeling of worthlessness to my father and ex (I wanted to matter to them and I didn’t). I’m having a lot of trouble processing feelings and need a place to start.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/starrynight81 on 2024-01-14 15:16:07+00:00.

Me (F20) and my childhood friend (F21) were really close growing up, we knew each other since kindergarten.

We were really close and we used to spend so much time together. Whenever she wanted to talk I was there for her, helping her with everything etc.

She got close with our other friend (F20) to the point where they began to look like each other. Same hair, nails, makeup etc. I never said anything to her about that. When she got cheated on I was the first person she called. I was always nice to her.

However, one night she decided to suddenly cut me off. She unfollowed me on social media and she began to post quotes about how cutting people off feels amazing. Why would she want to cut a person who loved her, who was always there for her?

Sometimes I think she just used me as her free therapist since I study psychology. I truly don't know. What could be the possible reason?

TL;DR: My longtime childhood friend suddenly cut me off for no actual reason. I was always there for her, helping her etc. I have no idea why she did that.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/noblerare on 2024-01-14 15:12:50+00:00.

My mother currently lives by herself across the country from me. Often times, acquaintances who visit from a certain foreign country will ask her for help with daily life errands. My mother herself is an immigrant from this foreign country and is active in local community groups so she knows quite a lot of people whether extended family or acquaintances that one accumulates over 20-30 years.

These acquaintances will often go back and forth between the US and this foreign country and because they don't have a car nor speak English, they rely on her for help (because she's bilingual) and she feels obligated to because she somewhat knows them and it would be rude not to.

Examples:

1. Acquaintance lady comes to visit the city for half the year to escape the winters and doesn't have a car (can't drive) nor speaks English. She stays in a condo that she owns. Every week, she wants my mom to pick her up from her apartment, drive her to grocery stores for groceries, and then drop her back home.
2. Acquaintance couple comes to visit the city to sell off a property that they own. They are going to stay for upwards of 2+ months. They also don't have a car and don't speak English. They want help with groceries, and for my mom to take them to banks and real estate offices to translate for them and help them with the home-selling process.

These are just two of many examples. It doesn't happen all the time but it happens enough that she is kind of fed up with it. At the same time, she feels trapped that she can't exactly say no since if she said no, they wouldn't have anybody who could help. Therefore, she does it out of obligation.

Any advice on how to get her out of this situation where she becomes the de facto person to call to help foreign acquaintances whenever they decide to visit her city?

tl;dr - My mother feels obligated to help acquaintances whom don't have anybody else to help them even though she doesn't want to.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kayleighcampbb on 2024-01-14 15:04:33+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We live together in a home he owns, and have a pup together. I’m a deep feeler/thinker, and have dedicated a lot of my life to therapy. My boyfriend is a little more simple, living for the present moment and not thinking too deeply about things. He immerses himself in physical activity (like riding motorcycles), and I’m usually immersed in creating art (painting, baking, gardening). This difference doesn’t always cause a rift, but as we begin to plan our future, I’m starting to feel insecure, resentful and annoyed.

In the beginning of our relationship marriage was never brought up a ton. TBH, I’ve always been more preoccupied with the idea of having a child, and healing myself in order to be a good parent. He’s mentioned that he would want a kid one day, but doesn’t really engage much further than that. When I’ve tried to have deeper conversations about raising a child (Would we keep alcohol in the house? Would we send them to public school? What values would we want instill most?) He doesn’t seem overly engaged or interested. Once I start probing he will say that he can be “nervous about talking about the future, given his parents divorce”- when I attempt to go further he throws a wall up, ending the conversation. Oddly, he will allow me to go on and on about kids (the name I have picked, how I think the side bedroom would make a great nursery) without ever acting as if I’m annoying him or anything, he just offers little to no engagement. This has been going for at least 3 years.

Now, for the last year, we’ve been talking about marriage in a very similar way. So many of our friends are getting married and it’s been so much fun to attend these beautiful weddings. So much fun in fact, that I started to feel like it was something I wanted for our relationship. I brought up to him how I would love to get married. And again, he lets me go on and on (I want a small backyard wedding, inexpensive, twinkly lights everywhere, with this kind of cake and this many many people, “where should go for our honeymoon!?”) but again, I’m left with very little engagement. When I point out his seemingly lack of interest, he will say again that it’s not personal and he can feel nervous about the future given his parents divorce. I used to have empathy for this reason, and now I’m starting to feel over it.

We are in couple’s therapy. He has done a few session on his own, but doesn’t feel strongly that therapy works for him, saying he “never has anything to talk about”. Ugh. I’m starting to feel annoyed and resentful and insecure. He feels very passive, while I feel enthusiastic and future oriented.

Thoughts?

TL;DR: I’m enthusiastic and future oriented, my boyfriend is passive and seems indifferent about our future, although tells me it’s not personal, and is a reflection of his parents divorce. I’m starting starting to feel frustrated and insecure

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lolitavita on 2024-01-14 14:45:53+00:00.

The boy I’ve been dating for 3 months just confessed he has feelings for someone else

I (F21) have been dating this boy (M20) for three months now, it started with casual sex but we ended up developing feelings for each other and just a few days ago we said I love you to each other. It felt really special, and around the same time we said I love you he was about to ask me out, but I said I wanted to hold off for a little while because I was scared to rush things, he was in agreement and everything was good. However, there is a girl in his life, one of his closest friends, that he was in love with before he met me, they never dated they were just close friends. She went to live abroad for a few months and so I suppose that was the end of that, or so I thought. But this girl got back just last week, and she is in the same friendship group as us, and I couldn’t help but notice the way he’d look at her and how he was around her, but I just put it down to me being paranoid. Anyway, about two days ago, I started crying and he immediately knew what was on my mind. He also started crying and said he hates himself for ruining everything, but that he still has feelings for her. This felt like a knife twisting inside my chest, because she is literally perfect. He said he doesn’t know if those feelings are still there for her but there was just one night last week where he felt them again and so he felt immensely guilty and told me immediately. He said he doesn’t want to lose me and he loves me and he wants everything to remain the same between us. I agreed with this because I didn’t want to lose him, and we cuddled and everything was okay again, for about a day. Today, I started crying again because I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head about him being in love with someone else. We had a big discussion about how I don’t want to just be his distraction because he can’t have who he really wants. I don’t believe that he even knows what he wants himself. We both agreed that things should probably end between us. However we are both really heartbroken and I just want to know if I’ve made the right decision. I am in love with him and he says he is in love with me and I do believe him, I’m just so lost.

TLDR; I (F21) have been dating a boy (M20) for 3 months and a few days ago he broke down and told me that he thinks he still has feelings for someone else, but he isn’t sure if he just felt them this one night or if he does still have feelings for her. We both don’t want to lose each other but I said we should probably go our separate ways. I don’t know what to do because I want to continue seeing him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_anonymous11 on 2024-01-14 14:09:40+00:00.

I think it's time to break up with him. I've been sober for two weeks. He accidentally gave me a flat tire walking down stairs at a nightclub on NYE, which popped the bottom of my heel off where I fell so bad that my entire left leg was bruised. He's a ton more of a light weight and tends to not understand how close he is to people.

Since that night I've been sober but dealing with total loss of appetite and on a liquid diet. Got covid on Dec 20th, and that's kind of where my health started going downhill. It was my 8th time having it. Going to see my old doctor on Tuesday about getting on an anti-depressant for panic attacks... I also have a horrible lump in my throat that makes me feel like I'm choking so I'm going to a Gl just in case. Did get treated for Gastritis and that's cleared up but panic attacks and lump persist.

I can't help think that my underlying stress and anxiety and panic attacks are coming from him. Been sober since Jan 2nd, and he's gotten drunk (wasted) multiple times. He said "he would be sober with me until I got better." Lol. I didn't ask him to do that, he said he would and I just kinda said yeah okay in my head.

Last night had to go to the ER again bc they told me to come back in 5 days if I can't eat or drink still so I did. Meanwhile my bf is home (LDR - he lives in CT, I live in Jersey) and he gets wasted like blacked out. I asked him if he could drive me to my dr's apt and he just never responded. Passed out drunk.

I think it's just disgusting behavior at his age and he needs to grow up and get a real job as he still lives with his mom and spends his time trying to be a famous YouTuber.

Just tired of it, it's been one thing after another and I don't want my life to be like this with someone like this. He's not gonna change, we've been dating for 2 years. Just slightly financially dependent on him for groceries and stuff now that I've gotten sick.

So stuck.

TL;DR: wannabe youtuber bf got wasted af last night while I was in the er. been sober two weeks. he said he’d do dry jan with me but he doesn’t hold onto his word. i’m tired of it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sad_Paint_4709 on 2024-01-14 13:47:16+00:00.

My husband and I have been together over 12 years. We have a six month old baby (first and last). Motherhood has been a struggle to say the least. I could only stay home for twelve weeks and then I went back to work. My boss was easy on me but I'm still struggling from lack of sleep and just general poor performance. Baby goes to daycare and does fine but her sleep schedule still isn't the greatest sometimes. My husband does his share but it's still a challenge. Additionally, before I had the baby I sold my debut novel and am struggling to find time and energy to work on the second. Juggling work, motherhood, and my writing has not been easy to say the least.

Anyway, I've been on an SSRI for many years and I want to significantly up my dose so I can get through life a little easier. My husband is on the same SSRI but when I voiced this to him, he thinks I'm trying to "mask" the pain and we need to be making adjustments to our life. He thinks I should quit my job or scale back on writing or something to that nature but those just aren't options for me. My plan is to bring him to my doc appt so the doc can convince him, but until then, I just want to know if we're handling this ok.

Tl;Dr struggling with hobby, parenthood, and working world. Want to increase psych meds. Husband not in favor

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Till6854 on 2024-01-14 13:38:58+00:00.

Hi, first post so sorry if anything is off.

So I (F18) have been talking to a guy(M19) for just over two months now. The entirety of this time we have been flirty — I made my intentions clear that I was interested in him romantically from the start. We've been on several dates now and we text all day as well as call. When we meet up, physical affection is free flowing — we kiss, we cuddle, we hold hands etc. We basically do the same things people in relationships do without the official label on it in my opinion. I really enjoy his company and we get along so well — I really like him.

Last night we went out together with some friends. I was drinking, he was not (dry January). I was quite drunk by the end of the night and he was walking me home. I asked him why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet, that we basically are in a relationship anyway without the label and nothing would really change if we just made it official at this point. He said he didn't know, he'd have to think about it. I pointed out that I had made my intentions extremely clear this entire time and that he better not be leading me on, he knew what I wanted. He said that that is what he wants too, so I asked him what the issue is and he said he wasn't sure. I said that I'm not talking to anyone else, and then I asked if he was. He said yes, but not as "intense" as with me. We've never had a conversation about exclusivity before so logically I know this shouldn't really be an issue and he isn't doing anything wrong, but I couldn't help but be a little hurt and shocked by it. I feel quite stupid for feeling that way because, again, there's no real reason for me to feel that way — we're not actually together, and we never explicitly stated that we were exclusive.

I'm just very confused about the whole situation at this point. It was all going so well. My friends have all said that it's quite shitty of him, but of course they're going to be on my side. The general consensus of my friends is to wait for the three month mark, and if nothing has changed, to move on.

I don't know if my feelings on the situation are valid, so I decided to make this post to get some unbiased opinions. What do I do? I really like him and I do want to be with him, but I'm not going to wait around and be an option for him forever. I know it's still pretty early but I can't really choose how fast my feelings develop. He has said before that he really likes me, that he doesn't want to change anything because he doesn't want to risk losing what we have. I don't see how that can be true while he's also talking to someone else at the same time, but I don't know, maybe I'm naive. I've never really "dated" before so I don't know if this is just how the dating scene is now.

Is it okay for me to feel this way? Am I in the wrong here? What should I do going forward? I'm so lost.

TL;DR: The guy I'm dating (not officially together) is talking to someone else and I don't know how to feel about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/awry_lynx on 2024-01-14 11:11:35+00:00.

I put the ages there because the sub demands it but there's not much of a relationship between us, it's my mom's boyfriend who I've only met a couple times. He had a horrible fall yesterday quite literally off a cliff while hiking alone (mom was there but didn't feel up for it so was a mile down the trail) and is in for a bunch of emergency procedures including a full hip replacement. I don't know the full extent of his injuries but from the call with my mom it sounds like at least a broken wrist, leg, hip. My mom is barely holding together and isn't up for going against his expressed wishes. I feel like his daughters who are around our age should really know. I would want to know if it was my mom and I'm sure they would want to know. They have a good relationship by all accounts and love him very much. On the other hand he's firmly expressed his wants. He doesn't want them to worry and see him like this. My worry is that his injuries are severe and he's in his 70s... I don't want to say the worst but like... I am likely biased/projecting though because I never got to say anything to my dad when he passed. Also I don't want to say this to my mom because she has to think positively/optimistically to continue holding it together so from her point of view she wants to just tell them when he's recovering.

tl;dr: Do I go behind his back and message them or not?

edit: I convinced my mom to have another convo with him and they texted his daughters! Now just to hope he ends up ok. He is a good dude. Very understandably scared, but hopefully now he will have other loved ones beside him that he can learn to lean on.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/alexcesaa on 2024-01-14 07:25:55+00:00.

tldr; my boyfriend and my best friend were caught going upstairs in a party together. upon being confronted, my boyfriend said she tricked him into saying i was upstairs and forced herself on him and my best friend claims he lured her in the room after mentioning her crush was there. i don’t know who to believe.

Hi everyone, I just made this account, i’m not even sure if i can post so soon but here goes.

I (20F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (21M) for 2 years and have known my best friend (21F) for 3.

I don’t even know where to start. i’ve been crying all morning. We all met in college, recently just graduated now. I love my boyfriend, he’s sweet thoughtful and has always pulled through for me. I love my best friend too, she has never disappointed me. But it’s a game of tug of war now and I am seriously so confused.

For context, we have quite a large friend group. And we meet up quite frequently for outings. Today we all decided to go to my other friends, Ashley’s birthday party. She lives in quite a decently sized house with her boyfriend Daniel. She invited most of our college friends and some of our college friends extended this invitation to their individual friends. In summary, it was packed. Like all parties and night outs, I got ready with my best friend, Katherine and agreed to meet my boyfriend Lee there at the party.

We arrived at the party, I went to say happy birthday to Ashley in the kitchen and I lost Kat in the crowd. Either that or she went to go chat with someone, this is nothing out of the ordinary. Katherine was a bit occupied with welcoming people so I just decided to help her with the cake she baked. As I was decorating the cake, Katherine’s boyfriend Daniel came in and he looked distraught. I asked him what happened and he proceeded to tell me that he had seen Lee and Kat go upstairs together. This didn’t strike me as odd as they’re good friends but after realising what he was insinuating, I started panicking.

I know I should have checked what was going on then and there but I didn’t want to cause a scene at Ashley’s birthday and I refused to believe the two people I trusted the most would do anything to upset me.

After around 20 minutes of no sign of Katherine or my boyfriend, I started stressing again just as I seen Lee stumble into the kitchen. He came over to me and kissed me like nothing had happened and shortly after Katherine came into the room. I decided not to question it till after the birthday. Unfortunately the party lasted till 3AM (it is now nearly 7AM in my time) and the entire time my gut was screaming at me.

After everyone had left it was just the 5 of us. Me, my boyfriend, Ashley, Katherine and Daniel. Daniel’s mom had cheated on his father so he was always understandably sensitive on the topic. He point blanked asked Lee and Katherine why they went upstairs together and both of their faces fell. Then Katherine just blurted out she went to go find Max (crush who she’s been stalking forever, also happens to be friends with Lee) with Lee while Lee almost simultaneously said that’s a lie and that Katherine mentioned I was upstairs but instead she tried to force herself on him.

I asked Lee why he didn’t tell me sooner and he said he didn’t want to ruin the party or my mood during the party. Katherine jumped in and said it was a complete and utter lie and that he was acting weird as if he was trying to lure her into the bedroom but she shrugged it off. This resulted in a yelling battle between the two while I just blanked out.

I didn’t say nothing, I had nothing to say. Ashley offered to drive me home and told the two to give me space.

So here I am, 4 hours later wondering what to do with my life. My boyfriend is texting me and calling me nonstop asking me how I can believe my rat of a best friend over him. And my best friend is doing the same while sending me audio notes of her crying through her words.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TurkeyNeck75 on 2024-01-14 10:14:56+00:00.

Me and my partner are a gay couple. He doesn't really like LGBT or want to associate himself with it, but I never knew his true feelings until last night.

Just before we fell asleep, my boyfriend started talking about "How fucked the world is", after asking him to elaborate he told me about how kids in school now are apparently learning how to have gay sex.. and how LGBT are trying to grooming kids or whatever... I just said I don't think they're actually teaching kids to have gay sex.. he disagreed passionately and proceeded to show me a conspiracy instagram page as his evidence. Just videos making fun of obvious LGBT people, and a video in particular of a pride march.. He was disgusted by it. All it was, was a video of people smiling and waving flags, I told him it's not that deep, they're happy what's so bad about it? He continued so angrily and eventually stormed out the room to sleep downstairs... wow

He brought this up because his work collegue, who is a pastor, was ranting to him "about how fucked the world is" and all of this. I wonder how the pastor would've responded if he told him he has a boyfriend.

I feel like there is two types of people in this world, one who deeply despises LGBT and another who doesn't see an issue

TLDR;