Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/tryingmyhardest__23 on 2024-01-14 08:54:10+00:00.

Things in my (19F) life have been getting a bit complicated recently. And it’s been causing confusion, guilt, and other emotions.

I like a boy (20M). Hes perfect for me in every way. He’s tall, funny, sweet, caring, an amazing listener and super cute. He’s my coworker and we work 90% of our shifts together. The past month I’ve been beginning to catch feelings for him. And I know he feels the same way. We go perfectly together. The best example of a golden retriever boy and his (potential) black cat gf. We like the same things, have the same interests, and listen to similar music. The problem is — he has a girlfriend.

I know their relationship is very messy. And I know he’s on the verge of breaking up with her. But I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. What if they’re having so many problems because of me?

For context, he went to Japan over the holidays with her, his parents, and a couple others. From what I heard, she was causing fights the whole time and it ended up with his parents getting involved and it pretty much ruined the trip. She knows I exist, but not the extent of our friendship. Just that we are friends. Which isn’t inaccurate. We are just friends. He texted me everyday. Showed me pictures of their trip. I was genuinely interested and we are friends so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. He went shopping there and got me plenty of thoughtful Christmas presents that I’ll always cherish.

When he got back, he’s showered me with kindness and always seemed interested in anything I had to say. But my main thing is, am I a bad person for having a partial hand in their break up? Is it because of me? They had problems since before we even became close friends, but did I make it worse? I want him so badly.

It almost hurts to think about, since I’ve never had someone treat me so well and with so much care and kindness. He’s the staple of perfection in my eyes. And now, his texts are becoming drier and he’s giving up shifts that we would’ve had together.

I need help. What should I do? I’m in love with this boy. Am I a bad person for continuing to talk to him in hopes of a relationship?

tldr: I like a boy but he’s got a girlfriend. From what I heard he likes me too and wants to be with me. Am I wrong for continuing to talk to him even if his relationship with his girlfriend is borderline toxic? If we like each other is it bad? Is there a chance that he could do the same to me in the future? Should I feel any guilt because of this?

SIDE NOTE: I have little to no experience in healthy relationships and what’s wrong or right. All of my bfs have been toxic and low key @bus!ve of me so I don’t really know to act in most situations like these. All my questions are genuine, so please try and save any harsh words or hate. This is a sensitive topic for me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ODDtree3 on 2024-01-14 08:08:45+00:00.

Hi I have been involve with my Boyfriend for almost a year now during the summer of 2023 he chose to hang out with his Ex Gf friend we can call her Maya. Maya and her Bf were going through a rough patch because Maya bf spent his time playing video games more than spending time with Maya. Maya then started using my Bf to make her bf Jealous (this is all from observation fyi). I told my Bf that this made me uncomfortable and that she is using him to make her bf jealous and that I think she may have a crush on him. They would hang out maybe once or twice a month and Maya would pick him up and they would go to the movies or the mall or ice cream and get food and other things. Mind you at the time me and my Bf have never went to the movies together and been to mall together yet. I told him repeatedly that this relationship made me uncomfortable and I cried and bawled to him about this. It only stopped because Mayas Bf Finally told her I don't want you hanging out with Jack (My Bf) anymore. This caused some emotional damage to me in the relationship always in worry that he would cheat on me because he disregarded my feelings and he chose Maya to take priority over me his own Gf. My Bf was also not completely moved on from his Ex and was still in contact with her in the beginning of our relationship till she blew him off after he traveled a hour away to see her play on one of the hottest days of the season.

This to me was a betrayal i have been dealing with and dont know how to move past i bring it up every argument (not on purpose)and he recognizes how he was in the wrong for these things. How can I move past that alone?. This is not the only reason why I have pretty much lost feelings for him romantically .

There was a point at the beginning of the school year where he would push off registering for college classes and I would remind very often. It then came to the last day for registration on a late Friday night and he messaged me me asking if I can find classes in his major and register for them for him he gave me his login and everything and worked my ass off that night trying to find classes that would fill his requirements for his degree. There was only 3 open classes and I had to email 2 professors to be able to register for them. My Bf then soon after decides to not do any of these classes so the professors dropped him after a week. My Bf then found out he wasn't getting financial aid because he forgot to fill out two forms. I reminded him to fill these forms out for months since it prevented him from taking classes because he owed the school money. He finally took care of it and it took like 3 days for it all it has been like 5 or 4 months since he knew about it . He then wad registered for a class he did ahead of time but decided to do the work day of. Mind you never did the work. I did. I would remind him each week maybe twice or 3 times "hey you should probably get your school work done" he would shake off what if suggest and then come asking for help from me to do the work for him since I have a course hero subscription. Once I decided to stop helping him he stopped doing the work and failed the only class he's ever taken at the college. I am 2 years younger than him almost 18 and I will be a junior in college when I turn 18 (dual enrollement) I take 3-4 college classes at the actual college every semester. I have my license and will babysit to make some sort of money since it's almost impossible to find a job where I live at currently while being a minor. My Bf has a Job working grave yard shifts at a chicken place. No car, no license, no college under his belt.

He also gets mad at me for the consequences of his own actions recently he got upset that I reminded him that I don't want to help or hear about his financial aid problem till he figures it out himself. He also got mad at me for not speaking up to the lady cutting his hair in the moment she messed up (she gave him the wrong haircut) I was sitting up at the front waiting on my phone for him to be done and if the lady asked a question to him he would ask me to answer and I would and clarify with him if that sounded good I then stopped and just had him answer since it was basic stuff nothing life changing to the hair cut he wanted . The lady just then decided to shave all sides of his head (he wanted a mullet) and the hair cut he ended up with was not a mullet at all. He got mad at me for not making sure Gave him a mullet.

I feel I have been taken advantage of my help and my kindness and because of that slowly I have been less kind and helpful I'm distant and detached in this relationship he's not a horrible person just a shitty bf he's a great friend to me and I usually have fun spending time with him doing a variety of activities with him.

I want to try to continue to be in this relationship because he is an awesome friend to me and it's not all bad between us but it's getting hard I told him he needs to change and he has been doing better way better with things and correcting things in the moment but he feels like all he does is in vain that no matter what and how hard he thinks he tries its not enough and it isn't enough there's a lot that needs to be done and corrected he hates the fact that I get so upset so easily most recently are argument was I noticed he doesn't ask me any follow up questions to whatever I'm doing so I stopped unless he actually asked me something I told him about this and he got upset at me for doing this and that when acted how he acts he said he's upset but then continued to say what am I supposed ask you about when you say "Cleaning" are we supposed to have a whole conversation about cleaning. Mind you I ask him follow ups on everything I ask him about his ear lately because has a ear infection so the whole majority of our conversations this week is us talking about his ear.

How can I move on from these things when hes doing better? How can this relationship be repaired? How can reconnect in this relationship?

TLDR; My bf (M18) sucks as a boyfriend is doing better but I (F17) have a hard time feeling connected,sympathy and love for him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Exciting-Buddy2825 on 2024-01-14 08:04:12+00:00.

I am looking for a compromise for myself and my partner. He (30m) and I (25f) have been together for 3 months (which is not a long time, I know). We are currently having a couple of disagreements over living together. The first was over my belief in not living with someone until marriage, which we found a compromise for (after a year minimum, though I’d prefer longer, we may move in together but in separate bedrooms), but the second we are still struggling with.

He is an avid gun owner/collector, which I knew, and I have no interest in being around guns/dealing with guns (due to mental health issues), which he knew. Before we got together, we discussed the fact that I do not want to live with guns laying around, and I want them locked up when not in use. He said that when the time came, we would figure out a solution. Now, he has told me he wants a loaded gun, unlocked and free to access, in every room of the house. I do not believe this is safe for me, as I have mental health issues, and do not trust myself around loaded weapons. He has told me that if we cannot come to an agreement, he will end the relationship (Added after original post for clarification).

Is there a compromise to be found here at all, or is the relationship over? Any advice is welcome here.

TLDR: He wants loaded guns and unfettered access in every room. I have mental health issues, which makes it a safety hazard for me. Is there a compromise?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/myheartisreadytodiee on 2024-01-14 07:32:04+00:00.

My partner(40m) always responds with “you have nothing to be depressed about”, i (20f) am also banned from sharing any thoughts about me suicidal which I understand. But repeatedly telling me i dont have anything to be depressed about and i should stop saying that….i find it very mean.Im simply looking for some support when i say that to him…I know he is doesn’t have the same outlook as me on mental health but is this kind of response normal? Am I overreacting?

**TL;DR; : is my partner telling me i cant be depressed mean or am i being too sensitive

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Illustrious_Arm_7708 on 2024-01-14 06:56:55+00:00.

tl;drI have known her for 15 years and she def knows how to take care of herself but sometimes she is on a melt down from the attention she receives and think their is something wrong with her which their isn’t. I have just recently became her boyfriend and she is super beautiful and sweet to everyone.

tl;drShe tells me and her brother who is also my age about it. When I am with her on campus, I hold her hand but when I am in class, she gets hit on and ignores it and might even tell them to **** off depending on the situation. She told me that this never happened to her while she was under 18 and now that she is 18 1/2, guys have been so freaky towards her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Marcia98_ on 2024-01-14 04:58:07+00:00.

I (fm, 26) ust got proposed to. Weve been together 6 years. For years I have told my bf (male,27) that I dreamt of a proposal abroad on a beach or city break etc

TLR/DR: my boyfriend planned a 20 minute proposal in an ancient church park, I was hoping for something different. Should I try to just take it as it is or do I have the right to feel disappointed?

This year we finally knew it was coming (he bad to quit a job and move countries for me so we had to discuss our future plans). Althogh less on the romantic side I expressed that id love it to be on one of our trips this year.

We had a city break, skiing and a destination wedding abroad. I made a joke that it cant be on the wedding as to not steak the brides spotlight time.

He spent a lot (£3k in total) on his cousins destination wedding, we also had a good budget for our city break. Our skiing holiday, due to being in an expensive location, was more of a budgeted airbnb (we also already spent all our money on his cousins wedding and the other trip!).

He didnt propose on the city break. Obviously couldnt on the wedding. In my head it must have been the skiing trip. He didnt let me message the airbnb host about something we needed to communicate to them and got flustered. I was hoping for/expecting a petal walkway in the apartment, maybe a candle and a romantic proposal on our entry/start of the engagement trip. Some ot the other ideas I had in mind is proposing on a mountain at a time where we are both happy and loving life (I actually hinted at this a few months ago). I also told my best friend and mum that Id love that (in case he attempts to investigate or ask them for ideas!) But overalll, I didnt really care how he did it. I knew either way itd be perfect as we both have a week off, in a lovely dreamy skii holiday that iv been excited about for months.

One day before the trip, he takes me on a morning walk near his workplace, a lovely ancient church. Nonetheless it is cold, grey and gloomy. I wanted to wear my gym clothes as I was going to go to the gym after I drop him off at work, but he hinted that id be cold and to wear my warmer (nicer) overcoat. We head off at 8.20 and get to the park at 9. He proposes. In that moment, I was happy and surpised. Although the moment was quickly ruined by a photographer coming out of hiding. We had a 15 minute photoshoot and I just couldnt enjoy a minute with my bf. My bf then had to make it for work at 9:30....

I dropped him off (still somwhat happy) , but then went to the gym because frankly, i didnt have any other plans. I realised quickly how unhappy I was with the proposal. I am unhappy that: -He proposed the morning of his work and didnt think Id want to savour the moment (wth?) i spent the day on my own before he got back in the evening. He coudnt take the day off but then he should have chose a different date -He didnt listen to my idea of a dream proposal and instead chose to do it on a horrible day in London. We were literally going on the nicest skiing destination on the next day. Id understand if I didnt directly tell him what my dream is. I also told him before that in european culture where my fam is from, itd still be nice if he asked my parents for a blessing. He didnt. He told me he wrongly assumed that this was inbetween the proposal and wedding... -He chose the morning that I had gym plans, hair unwashed inn a bun, minimal makeup AND got a photoshoot in such a state -Overall the thing was rushed, not very romantic

Worst thing is that he actually planned a similar thing in another London park the weekend before our trip, but I had to be away and he had to cancel. He therefore made this plan quickly in the few days we had left before the trip. He literally asked me 2 days before if I wojld join him on the walk that morning. His reasoning? He knew Id expect it on the skiing trip and wanted to give me a 'surprise' moment when I am not expecting it, and then go celebrate it on the trip. He said his main objective was to do it before the trip, so that i am surprised. I feel thats why it was rushed, since he had to cancel the weekend plan and rearrange for another day before the trip. Honestly, it feels to me that he already spent a few hundred on the photographer for the weekend, couldnt get a refund and tried to get his moneys worth by proposing and getting it captured before the trip

He kept asking throughout the day why I am not happy and texting him much. I communicated this to him gently on the evening when he got back, but he got defensive and we eneded up, well... just not having a great evening of our "engagement day". He genuinely was so upset and told me how much love and thought he put into it. Imagine having to text your fiance on the day of engagement as he is at work.

I am bitter, as the trip was already not really upto what I would consider "engagement" standard, considering how much he spent on his cousins wedding... its not the money, but rather the thought that he spent more money on someone elses special day than ours. He also kept trying to make the trip more budgeted and said its coming out a bit much. But booked the best things for the wedding. Then he didnt even do it on the trip, he went against all my wishes. One thing i always said is that I do not want to get engaged in gloomy London.

I dont know how to feel. I am a bit disappointed with it. I loved the very moment he proposed but everything else with it, I dont. I also have a feeling of not being valued - both financially, but also in terms of my desires not being taken into account. I cant ask him to do a redo on the trip we are currently on as that is awkward and you dont really get a second chance at these thngs.

I have doubts about whether or not he loves and values me. Or maybe i am superficial with unreasonable expectations? Maybe I should have been happy with his reasoning thought? It seems to me he put in minimal effort, but he insists he put in thought. I mean when you think about it, he proposed me on a walk in a park. It would be different if it was a completely spontaneous thought and he felt moved in the moment to propose to me, but he literally just planned in that way. His plan was to.. not really have a plan at all. I cant help but feel that I deserved better than a 20 min proposal in an ancient park

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FallingDespair on 2024-01-14 04:24:52+00:00.

I (F17) have been dating someone (M17) for just about a week now. Our relationship is going fine but his parents and my parents don't know we're dating since we're trying it out. Anytime he's around his parents, I tell him to tell them I said "hello" and when he did, his dad had said "hello to my favorite daughter." I want to soon tell his parents that we're dating but I don't want it to be awkward if they see me as more as a daughter. What should I do?

TL;DR: Boyfriends parents see me as a daughter without knowing we're dating. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bookkeeper_Life on 2024-01-14 03:45:43+00:00.

Now, to preface this. I'm fat. I'm talking 5’5, +200 pounds fat. I'm round everywhere, have wide hips, thighs and arms. And I honestly do not mind at all nowadays. I used to when I was a teenager and it really messed me up, leading to disordered eating and self exciting behaviors. I'm healthy now, have a good diet and exercise regularly. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is super tall and very very skinny. Very into fitness too. Recently, he has gotten a teeth removed after quite a few weeks of pain and discomfort, causing his cheek to swell up. And he keeps talking about how much he hates it cause it makes him look "chubby, and he works so hard at the gym to not look like this." This man has never ever been fat in his whole entire life. It kinda feels like he's saying "you're cool and all but I'd hate to look like you!" I sometimes find myself wondering why he choose to be with someone who basically represents something he hates so much. He compliments me all the time but his choice of words sometimes is... odd. Like saying he'd "make me shed a few pounds from adult activities" or asking me if I’d ever want to lose weight a lil too often. He says his family would bully him if he was fat, so I keep wondering if they'd bully me. Would they bully our kids if they happened to be fat? I don't know his family irl yet because we're in a ldr (I have met up with him dw, he's not some catfish old man). What hurts me the most is this is not even the first time this has come up. Someone jokingly called him fat in a group chat when we first met, causing him to feel so offended he literally sent a body check kinda selfie to prove how skinny he was ig? I did get angry at that point and explained my point of view, and he seemed to understand. He says he’s fine with others being fat but he would hate that for himself and I can’t stop thinking deep down he just wants me to lose weight. I’ve told him multiple times I do not wish for him to be fat, I just don’t want him to act like fat is an insult. How do I go about sorting this issue out? I really saw myself marrying this man :(

TLDR: my boyfriend of two years has mentioned multiple times how much he'd hate to be fat... even though I am fat myself and have told him multiple times his words hurt me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/pinksandglitters_88 on 2024-01-14 02:51:13+00:00.

Me (27F) and my husband (28M) have been married for 3 years, together for 7 years. Pre-marriage i never thought he would cheat but there were red flags already about his attitude but I thought it was because of his childhood traumas and it would improve once we got married and had a family but it got worse. He became an alcohol and drug addict and would have blackouts. We put him in rehab but he relapsed again then we thought he changed bec he went abroad to stay with relatives for a while but once he was back in our hometown he fell back the same patterns and i found out he was also a cheater but he attributed that to his alcohol/drug blackouts and vowed never to do it again. This happened sept-nov then now jan 2024 low and behold i just saw him yesterday out of his mind in a spa with extra service naked with a naked lady getting his balls massaged! I communicated with him last dec 2023 how selfish he is and how he has to change if he wants us in his life which is what he said but his actions don’t match his words at all. He lies a lot too and i have no trust and no respect for him, the only thing keeping me with him is my child and i guess a part of me wants to have a complete family but not with someone like him.

Is it still my duty to help him and get him help like rehab or psychologist or even attend a marriage counseling even if he's hurting me this bad? I feel too disrespected already to repair the relationship but my therapist said should i still give it a shot bec he is sick and mentally unstable and i should help get him the help he needs and we havent really fully tried?

I dont want to be with him anymore and i feel like he doesnt even love my baby as much as she loves him cos she's obsessed with him and sometimes he doesnt mind her!!!! He's been to 2 rehabs and tried to change religions but he's still like this. Do I have to stay with him or am I allowed to leave him? Am i selfish for not wanting to try anymore? I feel a little guilt but i also feel like i am not respecting myself by staying in the relationship

TL;DR - husband cheated on me again after i gave him an ultimatum should we try again and see a marriage counselor psychologist etc for the sake of our baby? But i’m too broken to repair the relationship and help him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Late_Sun4574 on 2024-01-14 02:43:34+00:00.

So I'm (21F) friends with this one guy (20M). I would call him my male best friend, I can trust him with many things and feel comfortable around him.

Here's a little backstory. At the beginning of our friendship I had a boyfriend (it was during highschool) but we broke up like a few weeks after, so I was obviously obsessed with my bf at that time. I actually couldn't stop thinking about him for like half of the year.

We started hanging out a lot with my friend and something clicked in me. I started seeing him in many situations where I was kind of mesmerized by his looks, I don't know how to call it. For example when we were at the gym together and I could see him working out or at the beach or when he was sleeping etc. Then after some time some flirting appeared but not like flirting with a purpose to seduce someone but typical dirty innuendos and teasing that happen in a friendship with a boy (at least what I think is typical). I started feeling something weird between us, kind of like a tension. I started breathing heavier and my heart beats faster, also I'm stuttering a lot (which I last experienced like 2 years ago when I had a serious social anxiety). I feel like it's mutual, everything just feels so sloppy and slow lmao that sounds bad but I don't know how to describe it. Everything feels even worse for me because I'm still a virgin that has barely kissed so I react to everything 2 times more intensely.

Now back to the present. Recently I was very sick for like a month so we haven't seen each other at all and when we started hanging out again I didn't feel too much tension so I kinda calmed down. But one day we went to eat somewhere, then we came back to his place and we just chilled in his room. We were laying down on his bed, I was playing a game, he was laughing at my dumb mistakes. I got pissed off so I turned it off and just started scrolling on my phone. At first he just watched my phone and got up on his elbow so he was a little bit higher and closer. Then he licked my arm. Like fucking swiped the end of his tongue on my arm. I immediately got so horny and terrified and shocked at the same time. I looked at him, he just smiled and did it again. I asked him what the hell was that, he just started playing dumb like 'what do you mean' and stuff.

Then another situation, he was sick but I wanted to visit him and give him some things he asked for since his parents were away for new years eve trip. I was sitting next to him on the chair and he was in bed, all red and sweaty. He was saying such things that I started thinking he just wasn't too present cause he was sick or it was from the medicine lmao. I asked if I can help him somehow and obviously his best answer was 'I know how you can make me feel better' with this playful expression on his face. I feel like he saw me getting flustered because he was laughing at me and kept on saying it more. He also talked about special treatment and etc or that we both should be sweaty but he actually apologized for that one because it was too harsh and he doesn't think straight currently.

Also we were in McDonald's at like 9 pm. There were only a few people inside so it was calm and somehow our topic went to us trying to keep eye contact without closing our eyes. I cannot even begin explaining what happened between us. I almost started shaking cause there was so much tension. He even forgot to put his tray in the right place after. We got kinda shy and it was weird overall.

So basically when I kinda cured from it when I was sick, he started to give some little signs. I don't know if he's just playing, wanting to date me, fuck me or both because it's obvious that something is happening between us. From my side, I'm starting to feel more and more turned on everytime we meet but I'm not sure if it's because I actually like him or I'm a hungry virgin lmfao. I don't know if I should talk about this with him or just somehow try to calm it all down, I've never had a situation like this, even with my boyfriend so I don't know how to act because I don't want to ruin our friendship. I would really appreciate your thoughts on this 🥺

Also sorry if it's a mess but I tried to recall everything in a speed of light

Tl;dr: There's some sexual tension between me and my guy friend and I don't know how to act on that.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Silly-Goose2023 on 2024-01-14 02:22:27+00:00.

I 22M , met the love of my life 22F three years ago. Initially struggling with emotional immaturity and self-absorption, I’ve actively embarked on a transformative journey over these past three years, not just for her but also for my own personal growth. She has played a crucial role in shaping me into the person I am today.

Reflecting on my past, I acknowledge instances under the influence where I almost crossed boundaries. Recognizing a pattern, I realized the need for establishing boundaries and curbing my overly friendly nature. Despite being openly bi, I grappled with internalized homophobia, a struggle I consistently shared openly with her.

Recently, in the midst of doubts, I made a regrettable mistake, leading to the loss of both a childhood friendship and, more significantly, her. It’s been two months, and while I didn’t anticipate a return to how things were, I’m grappling with the guilt of shedding a weight off my shoulders (being sure of my sexuality) while transferring that burden onto her.

I wanted to end the relationship, but it wasn’t my choice. I understand it’s not just about what I’ve done but also about what I haven’t. The toll of the college lifestyle, drugs, and an emotionally taxing job has been evident, preventing me from providing her with what she truly deserved. Instead of granting me another chance, she offered an opportunity for autonomous adult growth, expecting me to pick up the pieces and demonstrate a genuine commitment to change.

In response, I’ve attended NA meetings, minimized work hours, resumed counseling, and even discontinued my ADHD medication, recognizing it as a crutch. I’ve consciously prioritized her, addressing past concerns about not feeling prioritized in our relationship. She’s acknowledged that, despite the ups and downs, she doesn’t perceive me as a bad person but as someone who has made regrettable decisions.

I grapple with incomplete self-forgiveness. Constant intrusive thoughts persist, navigating responsibility and guilt has been challenging, especially given my struggles with OCD over the past few years, turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy where doubts and insecurities confirm my actions.

After investing two months in making positive changes, I never anticipated it would be enough. Despite her compassion, patience, and love, the desired level of healing seems elusive for her. She feels guilty for not moving on despite recognizing my sincere efforts. From the beginning, I communicated that I didn’t expect immediate resolution. Although she acknowledges my transformation, she struggles to offer the validation I seek. And I need to find that within myself.

We’ve reached a point where, acknowledging the depth of our friendship beyond romance, we decided to take a break to salvage our relationship. I took the responsibility of initiating this, understanding the emotional toll it was taking on both of us. This decision wasn’t solely based on my needs; rather, I recognized it was essential for both of us to heal and process independently.

She grapples with her own self-esteem issues and she’s finally opening up about these struggles. I feel like the break is giving her the space to do that beyond me and our relationship. I want her to be able to heal and process everything as she didn’t fully confide in her family and friends and I didn’t want her to protect me in the process.

Our recent discussions reflect a mutual commitment to maintaining the connection, as she believes this break is more about a pause than a permanent breakup. The outcome remains uncertain, acknowledging the possibility of either reconciliation or the realization that parting ways is the healthier choice.

Despite the challenges, we’ve remained in touch the past few days, supporting each other through this process. Family members on both sides have expressed respect for the way I’ve approached the situation and still regard me as a son. Despite understanding the necessity of the break, the difficulty lies in not being able to communicate with my best friend.

Looking forward, we’ve set a one-month duration for this break. I am clear about my intentions not to engage with anyone else or resort to external substances during this period. I want to afford her the time and space to decide what she truly wants, whether it involves exploring other connections or opting for a different lifestyle.

I seek advice on navigating this unique and challenging situation while respecting her need for space and healing. She has been asking for reassurance and we have been speaking over text but I don’t want to fulfil her needs when deep down she probably needs space and it is making us in a state of denial almost. Seeking guidance to do what’s best by her.

TL;DR: Going through a break with my girlfriend after facing challenges in our relationship. I've made significant personal growth, but she's struggling with healing. We've taken a break for a month, maintaining communication, and it's uncertain whether we'll reconcile or part ways. Seeking advice on navigating this unique situation and respecting her need for space and healing.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AdEconomy1959 on 2024-01-14 02:18:30+00:00.

My friend invited me out to eat. She wanted to treat me because I was going through some things and even said she would pick me up. I was hesitant because I wanted to ask if I could bring my boyfriend with (we don't go out with friends often and whenever it's with his friends we always go together).

The thing is I don't hang out with my friends often and my friends don't usually invite my boyfriend directly. I ask them out of courtesy if I can bring him. They always say yes, and there's been many times I tell him he can come but he refuses anyway.

I usually don't tell him that I asked if he can come before hand because he gets upset if he's not invited directly and will refuse immediately and get upset.

This time I didn't ask if I could bring him along because she said she wanted to treat me and she only invited me. I didn't want to be rude especially since she was wanting to pay for me.

So I said yes, this was a week ahead of time. I was so nervous to mention the fact I was going out that I waited and told him the day before. It didn't go well. He was passive aggressive and short with me. I told him that I can cancel if he wants me to, but then he said "Don't make me responsible for potentially losing your friends". Essentially don't blame me if you don't want to hang out with your friends?? (I have cancelled going out with my friends because of him, but I never use him as the reason I'm cancelling to my friends; it's usually because it's not something he would enjoy or have fun with).

I was stressing and clenching my jaw before I left and it lasted three hours. I had fun and two of my friend's coworkers came. We chatted and it was pleasant. Although I did miss him during the dinner, and after awhile I felt like it was going on too long.

I came back and he just asked me to make him dinner and to "get out" when I was lingering too long inside our room.

He was mad that I didn't include him or call him to come hang out when I figured out it was going to be a more casual hang out. When honestly I didn't think he would have enjoyed it and I didn't want to be rude to my friend.

He's still mad today and we had another argument about it. He said he would go hang out with other women and not tell me anything. I told him that wasn't the same situation and that I was okay if he wanted to hang out with his friends by himself sometimes.

I'm so frustrated and at my limit. I don't understand why everything has to be so difficult and feels like pulling teeth. I understand him, but at the same time I don't. It feels like I should stop hanging out with my friends all together, it would make things easier and less stressful, but I know that's wrong.

Is there any good solution to this?

TL;DR: Went out with a friend and didn't bring my boyfriend along, and he's angry with me for not including him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Outrageous_Sink2935 on 2024-01-13 21:17:57+00:00.

We are both in our 30's, she has no table manners and eats like a 2 year old. Lip smacking (even when simply opening her mouth to put food in it), chewing with her mouth open, licking the front of her teeth with her tongue, scraping silverware over her teeth, slurping, chomping chips as loudly as possible, etc. It's embarrassing and aggravating to the point where I don't even want to go to dinner anymore.

I have tried to tell her but her response is always one of the following. "You're an asshole", "that's a YOU problem", "they are natural bodily noises", "you're hyper sensitive to sounds", "it's not a big deal", and the like.

She sees nothing wrong with it and all her friends and family reinforce her feelings about it and tell her she's not doing anything wrong. Because she immediately goes to everyone else to get confirmation she's in the right, and then uses that to say "see, no one else has a problem with it".

Her biggest nag on me is "you treat me like such a child sometimes". She apparently doesn't get that it's because she acts like one half the time.

TL;DR! - I feel like nothing I say or do will change something that she doesn't view as an issue.

How do I approach this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Almond_construction9 on 2024-01-13 21:11:20+00:00.

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for about 10 months now. We have been dating for a little over 2 years.

Whenever we are sitting down together either the couch or the bed, he always touches my boobs randomly. It’s not like we’re going anything sexual either. I’ll be sitting on my side of the bed, he’ll sit on his side and will just touch them.

Sometimes I’ll be in the kitchen, making dinner or something and he just comes by and grabs my butt or slides his hand up my crack lol. It really is not a turn on for me, and it’s more annoying than anything.

Sometimes when he touches my boobs I kind of put my hand up to kind of block him without saying anything and he’s like “do they hurt?” As if that’s the only acceptable reason I could give as to why I don’t want him touching me.

I RARELY slap his butt or anything. And if I do it’s “why can you do that to me but I can’t do that to you”.

Another thing, we don’t have sex too often. It’s probably been a month by now but I am not really turned on which may just be a hormonal thing. The other day I was in the mood to have sex. And he said “I can’t it’s my time to withhold sex.” I was like okay that’s fine. He is always the one that says “we never have sex” or “maybe you don’t love me anymore” whenever I don’t want to be touched or have sex.

TDLR: how do I approach this conversation about touching me too much without sounding mean, or him feeling like I’m not attracted to him anymore?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Narrow_Nobody_2466 on 2024-01-14 07:03:17+00:00.

TL;DR flew home early from a traumatic event to help gf, gf keeps pulling me into events and activities with her friends who are staying for three nights, I communicated I need some alone time but am not getting it.

I [30M] just got back Friday night from an emergency flight to visit my sibling who was in the ER for heart complications. A normally $150 flight was $550 due to last minute and I would have stayed longer due to than the 2 nights but came back early because my gf [30F] had friends coming into town and we were getting a snow storm. Gf insisted I stay longer or she could tell friends no to come (who needed picked up from train station), but she also expressed a lot of anxiety and fear around the weather and I wanted to make sure she was safe.

She doesn’t have experience in snow and I felt horrible for how nervous she’d be, so instead of staying with my fam Wed-Mon, I just booked Wed-Fri with flexible ticked I could change if my sibling wasn’t doing well. Luckily they are recovering greatly.

I made it kindly and thoughtfully clear when I got back from the flight and on our way to pick up her friends 20 min after I landed that I was very exhausted from the last few days and feeling so tapped out - my abusive mother and I don’t get along and there’s a history of childhood trauma, I slept on a stiff couch, worried about my brother - so that while I’m so happy to see her and her friends, I’m just really tired and will want some alone time. I made this all very clear to her, and weve been dating for three years so she knows how difficult it is for me to be around my mom.

Since they’ve been over (Friday night), I’ve been very friendly and involved - chatting, watching tv with them, playing games with them - up until 2am last night. Then this morning through 2pm I was social, GF kept asking me for ideas in front of them what WE should all go do… then asked me to go out with them and I repeated in private that I’d like to stay and exercise and that I was just so so tapped out and tired. So she left with her friends for 3 hours, which I used the time to clean the house a little and exercise, then when they got back I’ve been social when really I just wanted to hide in my bedroom and relax. But she’s been kind of dragging me into every thing. I’ve made a few attempts to sneak away and she’ll be like “where are you going?” in front of them, or when they were going to play a video game I said “oh GF heres my handheld you can have your own screen, I’ll go to the bedroom and play from there” because I just need SPACE and she was like “aww but we want you out here” and her friends chimed in, “it’s no fun without you out here” so I felt like a jerk declining that. And then in front of them she invited me to an event tomorrow 30 min drive away, will probably take up my whole day, and then they leave Monday. So there goes my whole weekend.

I don’t want to dedicate my whole four day weekend to hanging out with her friends. I feel frustrated and unheard and unappreciated for what I did flying back early. I’m just so tired and exhausted and just feel like these are her friends, not mine, why won’t she support me in giving me space or an excuse to escape? I feel so guilty I finally said my stomach hurts and I’m tired (both true) but I just feel guilt ridden. When I have family and friends around I always make up an excuse in front of them to GF can run off and have guiltless alone time. Why can’t she do the same for me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Max_Rockatansky89 on 2024-01-14 06:22:05+00:00.

I like a girl who takes orders and gives ice-creams at my local McDonald's and I would like to ask her for a date without causing much trouble for her.

I really don't mind finding the courage to go out and asking her out directly, but talking about this subject with a friend who worked at Starbucks in the past (not the same chain I know, but basically the same working "ethic") is that the targets, scrutiny and expectation coming from managers down to crew is high and more often than not being hit on is just an impediment. So I fear she might say "no", not because she might not be interested, but because her boss or manager might be around and she might fear losing her job.

So dunno, I've been thinking about possible options to work it out and I've been considering getting a small card (like a thank you note size) and writing that "I'd like to get to know her better", with my phone number or my Instagram account when I get my command. Do you think this might work out?

Thanks in advance!

TL,DR: How can you ask out a girl that is working at a burger place without interfering much with her work?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Slight_Amoeba4368 on 2024-01-14 06:06:36+00:00.

We've been dating for 6 months, were friends for over a year. She told me about how that male friend used to hit on her around 2 years ago but she chalked it up to him being in a low mental state. When we started dating I asked my gf to make it clear to him that she was dating someone, and she did. He did not react most positively and jokingly called her a schizophrenic because in his eyes she could never get a bf. My gf laughed it off as a joke. Since he's in the same college as us, us 3 have come across each other multiple times and in the beginning he used to call me "her delusion" everytime she met me. I found that disrespectful but my gf always laughed it off as a joke. He never indulged in talking to me rather he always just talked to her when us 3 we're together. That friend of hers has never had a real conversation with me. She has also told me about how he used to be toxic in the past, but he's matured over time. She has also told me that he had said positive things about our relationship between me and her on multiple occasions, and i do believe that.

What prompted me to make this post was when my gf told me she'd be hanging out with a group but one of them was that friend of hers. My gf was mutual friends with everybody else and knew them through her friend only. I found it slightly weird although I know my gf had been talking to one his friends(19F) for a while and they shared common interests. My gf also knows that he likes someone else now.

I trust her 100% to not cheat. I know for a fact they didnt have anything in the past and were just good friends. But I still can't get over all the things he had said or done in the past. It has led to arguments on multiple occasions between me and her. I need advice on how to view him in a positive light and not get offended by my gf hanging out with him.

TL;DR: I hate my girlfriends' close friend(M) due to past actions and can't get over it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ag-2281 on 2024-01-14 05:20:58+00:00.

I went on 5 perfect dates with a guy I really liked. All of the dates were simple and went very well. For the 6th date he sat me down and told me he “didn’t see things going long-term.” Then, he proceeded to ask if I wanted to know why he broke things off.

I was trying to come off as confident and unbothered so I told him “no” to his explanation and immediately left. In reality, I was hurt and left confused.

Wouldn’t he have been able to make a decision by the second date? What changed?

Why did he end things so abruptly after 5 amazing dates? Why did he ask if I wanted to know why he ended things?

—-

TL;DR;

Left confused and wanting answers

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway_44747 on 2024-01-14 04:33:44+00:00.

At this point in my relationship, I don't know if I'm just insanely insecure or if this is warranted of me. My (F38) husband (M38) and I have been together for 20 years. From day one in our relationship, he was never very complimentary (though certainly more than he is now), and I always, always had to initiate sex. It was the only thing we fought about for a long time, but he would just make me feel crazy for being upset and never attempted to change in any way (from what I could see, and he definitely never asks for a check in status of how I'm feeling). A year into our relationship, he used my computer while staying at my apartment overnight and when he left, he forgot to close the tabs. He was looking at pictures of his high school friend and she was in a bikini (on her FB). I feel awful for doing this, but it made me feel so bad that I searched through my own browser history and found that he was searching for her profile every single day he had visited me... for months. I confronted him, he said men look at beautiful women and then just acted like I shouldn't be upset. This continued for years.. same woman. I'd randomly get up from my seat on the couch and see her looking at her on his phone and then quickly close the window when he noticed me. I'd bring it up over and over, but he never stopped. Finally she left FB I think, so he was forced to. Fast forward to today and I've noticed the past 6 months that he closes windows when I walk by of yet another one of his old female friends from high school. I refuse to check his history or phone now, because I already know what's going on. I dont need more confirmation. Tonight, something reminded me of the whole situation and I felt depressed. I didn't talk to him about it for awhile even though he asked me multiple times, because I knew it would lead to a fight. Finally, I had to break down and I explained how much it hurts me (though I didn't bring up this one particular girl.. I just said I feel like he's attracted to anyone who isn't me and that he won't stop looking at insta models even though I've told him what it does to me). He just said he feels awful about it... but didn't give an explanation as to why he does this. He didn't promise to stop, or give much reassurance other than "I find you attractive". My question to you all is this... am I being too sensitive? I've given him that benefit of the doubt for years but its severely hurting my self confidence and is hurting our emotional and physical connection if I'm being honest. I want him physically all the time, but I don't initiate it unless I'm in a really good headspace, because I know I'll just worry he's thinking about other people the whole time and spiral. I just want him to want me, and make an effort to ensure i feel that way when they see I'm upset.. whether he thinks its jusitifed or not, but I feel like I'll never get either. I don't want to leave my marriage because I love him with every piece of my heart, so what can I do? Talking apparently doesn't help. I've gone to therapy and discussed this with them, hoping to feel better, but it hasn't helped to the degree I need it to. My therapist told me that if he doesnt respect the boundaries ive put out, even if he doesnt agree with them, then he doesnt truly care for me the way he should and I need to make a tough choice here.

TLDR: Husband looks at insta models nonstop and searches for female high school friends on a regular basis, but says I'm just looking for things to be mad about.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA9287 on 2024-01-14 04:04:17+00:00.

I’m sitting in my car right now thinking things over, so please let me know if I’m crazy. I am (29 F) he is (38 M) I’ve been married to my husband for 2 years.

We’ve been mainly happy with some off/on rocky parts of our relationship.

I have had issues with his family, and after we married I tried my best to reconcile our differences.

Now, I’ve made it clear to my husband and his family that kids aren’t in my future. I don’t want kids, my husband agreed with this notion. We like our life child free. It’s our choice. Recently he has started to change his mind, which has really concerned me, making me question our compatibility.

His mom and dad (mainly mom) keep pressing me to have children with him.

I can’t even see them without having them ask me “are you pregnant?” “Oh you’re ordering dessert? Are you pregnant?” “You look exhausted. Are you pregnant?” On top of that, i did gain some weight but am trying to work it off, so maybe they’re looking at my weight gain?

I have explained to my husband that this is very offensive to me, and he just plays it off as “my parents just do that because they’re a part of the older generation”. He has gently told them to stop but they won’t listen.

On top of that, I started school this month , and my husbands family weren’t happy that the next 4 years of my life will be taken up by school and not having children. So, no happiness or support from them, especially during the toughest times of my life .

I’m a human being and not a vessel for carrying children. I feel like an object and can’t shake the disgust and sadness I feel . A couple days ago , after a particularly bad incident with his family , I packed up and left .

He’s been contacting me, quite angry. And I’m just not responding. I need time. I am rethinking this entire marriage.

Reddit, what are your thoughts? Am I over reacting?

Tl;Dr my in laws want me to have kids, my husband won’t stand up for me enough

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/niceplant69 on 2024-01-14 02:46:28+00:00.

We have been dating for 3.6 years (June 2020) and had been very close friends for about 3 years leading up (including while I was in my previous relationship). When we started dating it was during covid and of course we had our honeymoon phase and I was very happy. I had some severe family issues and was forced to move in (nowhere else to go) in January 2022 with him, both parents, and brother and sister. Even after moving in things were fine between us for a really long time until I felt like I wasn’t being shown a lot of love or affection that I preferred, such a quality time or physical touch. He spends a lot of time on his phone and video games, talking to his friends more then me.

There’s a lot of things I have let slide with him that I normally wouldn’t, and I don’t know why. I recently moved out beginning of November 2023, hoping things would get better and they simply have not, including him rarely coming over or staying the night. I have built better personal connections with my coworkers in a course of 6 months than my own bf, and I feel like that speaks volumes.

We rarely have sex anymore, if I don’t go down on him we will not have it, which blows my freaking mind. When he comes onto me I almost feel gross nowadays because if I’m not doing the work, then we’re not doing it. 3 years later and his stamina cannot last longer than 5 minutes too. I just feel gross.

I am ready to break up, it’s hurts but it hurts more knowing I could get something better than what I’m settling for. I do believe he’s just gotten too comfortable or lazy but I’m not willing to stick around and find out if he can change that because that is a reoccurring issue. I don’t know how to break up without feeling like I’m blindsiding him. I feel so guilty and I don’t know why. I’m his first real relationship and that could be why I feel that way, I’ve put so much time and effort into this damn relationship too. He has very minimal trauma or even parenting conversations with how to deal with any personal issues so I know his world will be upside down when I try to do it. He recently wrecked and totaled his car, I feel like it’d be the end of the world if he had no car and girlfriend. I’m mean but not that mean. I just don’t know what to do.

**TL;DR! How do I feel like I’m not blindsiding my almost 4 year bf with a break up after he wrecked his car?? Please help!!!!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRABPDlove on 2024-01-14 02:16:50+00:00.

TLDR: Girl I’m interested in dating has recently been diagnosed as BPD. There’s a lot of things she does currently that are difficulty to handle and, in my research of BPD, more things I’m scared she might do in the future. I’m looking how best I can support her while looking out for myself, because I do feel like I’m falling for her, but it’s stressful.

I’ve been talking to this girl a little while now and frankly she’s everything I could want in a girl. She’s beautiful, she’s witty, she’s funny. We share the same humour, we vibe super well. At the moment, we’re mostly just talking, seeing how things go, but I could definitely see myself dating this girl.

But here comes the ‘issue’ and I don’t really know how to express it without sounding like an ass. But she’s diagnosed as BPD and some of her behaviours because of it really stress me out. And I feel bad because I know she can’t help them. But they just make things really difficult. She’s only been diagnosed within the last month, and she’s been struggling to come to terms with it, which I’m sure is making these tendencies worse.

For example, she is the most indecisive girl I’ve ever met. Whether it’s something big like.. choosing if she’s going to learn to drive, or something as tiny as if she wants pepsi or fanta with her lunch. She can’t make a single decision without panicking about being ‘wrong’. For example, I wanted to treat her to lunch, so I asked what she wanted to eat, and she went back and forth on places for about 30 minutes until I got sick and picked for her. She kept saying she didn’t want to pick and if be something I didn’t like (even though I told her I’d eat anything she wanted since I was treating her). She was working herself up into a right state worrying that I’d ‘get upset with her for picking something I didn’t like’. This happens with every decision. Where do you want to go to hang out? What good do you want? What film do you want to watch? Every time she tells me she can’t pick because she’s scared she’ll pick something I don’t like.

Next, her self esteem is genuinely rock bottom. I’ve known many self conscious girls, but she’s next level. She’s 5’3 and 50kg, she’s literally tiny, but she’d convinced she’s obese and the most hideous person ever. Even just to come over to my house or hell, even to just go for a ten minute walk, she needs to do her entire makeup routine first to feel ‘at least passable’. She only wears insanely baggy clothes (which typically, I’d obviously say it’s fine, wear what you want, but given her opinion that she’s fat, I think it’s linked to that). We went out shopping today and I pointed out a cute crop top (poor thinking on my end i’ll admit) and she looked at me like I’d kicked a puppy in front of her and started to tear up while pulling her jumper down over her. She won’t eat while we’re out unless I do too. So every so often she’ll ask if I’m hungry, and really I know that means SHE’S hungry, so I’ll answer yes everytime and go get food with her. Because if I say I’m not hungry, she will just never mention that SHE is hungry and just won’t eat until I decide to. She’s constantly self critical and can’t take a compliment because she doesn’t believe any of them. She won’t let ANYONE take a photo of her and will only keep 1 selfie she hand took every couple of months or so. Honestly; this whole thing upsets me like mad, because she is beautiful and it sucks she can’t see that.

Because of her, I’ve started researching BPD more and I’m concerned about some of the other patterns typically seen in those with BPD and when they’ll come up. I’m trying to be as prepared as I can to support and understand her, because I really am interested in this girl, but it already feels like it’s going to be somewhat of an overwhelming task.

But things I read like scare me are things like ‘paranoid thoughts in response to stress’, ‘frantic attempts to avoid abandonment’, ‘alternating between idealising and devaluing other people’, ‘self-harm, such as cutting as a coping mechanism or suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts’ ‘brief episodes of strange experiences – such as hearing voices,’, ‘prolonged episodes of abnormal experiences – where you might experience both hallucinations (voices outside your head) and distressing beliefs that no one can talk you out of (such as believing your family are secretly trying to kill you)’

These are just some of the potential things I read about BPD.

In retrospective I realise how this paints her in a super negative light. I just want to make it incredibly clear that all these behaviours are (I’m fairly sure) at the root caused by her having BPD. For these ‘flaws’, there are so many things amazing about her. She’s the most kind and considerate person I’ve met, she’s empathetic and she concerns herself a lot about keeping other people safe, just as a small example. I don’t want it to seem like she’s a bad person or whatever, because I truly don’t think she is.

I want to be there for her, I want to be able to help and support her. I feel like I’m falling for this girl. But what can I do to support her and make sure I’m not going nuts while doing it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NeedHugsFromHubby on 2024-01-14 02:02:47+00:00.

We have been a couple for 26 years, married for most of them. We have two children, late teens. Now I feel so lonely and lost, I don't know what to do. The only times my husband touches me in any way other than a quick kiss, is if he wants sex.

Some background: I'm from a hugging family, we share both many hugs and many thoughts. He is more reserved, in his family people greet each other with a hand shake and never talk about their feelings. He is an introvert, I'm more social. Despite these differences we have had many good years together and been able to work through the difficulties by talking together.

He is kind, reliable and my best friend. He is a good dad. He is also a good husband, except he's not a good boyfriend: doing romantic gestures is not his thing. We never go on dates if I'm not doing the planning; if we're walking side by side or riding a bus, he will never grab my hand or do any other public display of affection; he will seldom go out of his way to do anything extra to make me happy. When we were young I told him that making an extra effort, was important to me. For instance, I said, a bouquet of hand picked flowers is much more meaningful to me than a super expensive bouquet from a shop.

Now, there's no romance in our daily life. If we're watching TV he will usually sit in a chair, scrolling his phone. If he joins me in the sofa, he will never initiate cuddles, holding hands or kissing. I'm thinking he might have stopped doing this because we seldom have sex. I've entered menopause and it's harder for me to get horney. So maybe he unconscious is thinking why bother cuddles when it will not lead to sex.

My dream scenario is hugging several times a day, him embracing me, small touches throughout the day, a back rub now and then, me laying in his lap while he fiddles with my hair, holding hands while walking or sitting, spooning in bed. I do think that many small affectionate touches with no intention of sex, would both boost me and in the end lead to us having sex much more often because I would feel loved. I've tried explaining this to him, but since these romantic touches doesn't come natural to him, he has to do an effort. He wants to when we talk, but then he forgets and a few days later: no affection. Until he wants sex.

The last times we had intercourse, I did it solely for him, and that wasn't nice for either of us.

So now we're stuck in a viscous sircle: him missing passionate sex I don't have the libido to participate in; me missing physical intimacy he doesn't have the energy to give me.

What should I do? Have you similar experiences and can share what you did to solve it?

tl;dr I need my husband to hug me so I feel loved, but physical intimacy doesn't come natural to him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra-mol on 2024-01-14 01:55:26+00:00.

My husband(31) and I(25f) have only been married for 9 months, but have been together for 3 years. We have a great relationship and he is the best. He is my best friend and I love him more than anything.

This is embarrassing to post, but I can't talk to anyone about it. When I was 17 my parents kicked me out and I moved in with my then bf. Long story, but what ended up happening was that there were 2 guys I started seeing for money. These were people my bf knew, he set it up and everything, and it was only these people. One guy who I saw regularly was pretty cool and we were actually pretty close. The other guy was every once in a while. It was obviously not ideal, but because of the circumstances I thought the risks were low, people wouldn't find out, and it was a lot of money at the time. I was 18 and really stupid and this is something I very much regret now. This went on for about 2 years and saved me many times, especially during school.

It wasn't until I got older that I started to feel really bad about it, but whenever I thought about it I would just pretend like it didn't happen and it worked for the most part. I'm not sure what triggered this, maybe seeing my family over Christmas, but for the last few weeks I have been feeling horrible about it. I have been soul crushingly depressed and I feel guilty and like I am hiding something from him and that he should be with someone better. The thought of him knowing is causing me major stress and anxiety. The guilt and shame has been enormous. I'm sure it will pass, but is it wrong for him not to know and should I tell him?

tl;dr - when I was younger I would see these guys for money for a while. Have a lot of new found guilt about it and I'm not sure if I should tell my husband

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hellokitty33200 on 2024-01-14 01:23:54+00:00.

I have always considered this best friend as my « sister ». We met in community college and I was there during major events in her life (mental health issue and long term relationship break up). Our family even know each other and we used to ser each other regardless of how far we move out/l. V from each other due to difference in our education paths. She recently got engaged with her current partner less than 6 months after meeting him. From what I saw and heard from my friend, he seems to have a lot of relationship trust issue/jealousy/low confidence issue. I am aware of them because we often talk about it, but she always end up siding with him. Since they are together, I have not been able to spend some time with her alone except 2 days where we were only able to hang out for 2 hours max as he would be waiting for her at home to come back. She even put me one time on speaker to prove him that I was the one she was meeting. Despite now living close from each other, I barely get to see her alone (only 3 times in 4 months). I have been through a LOT of personal issue these past months and she completely ghosted me, having to wait days or hours for her to get back to me or meeting me only twice to talk about it, with me always texting her that I urgently needed a shoulder at these moments. She NEVER reached out on her own to check on me, no phone call or text message. I feel very betrayed and bitter about this friendship. Am I exaggerating/overthinking? Planning to talk to her soon, but need to wait as she is not available currently to meet due to husband (?). Needed to get this off my chest as I am going through a lot these days as well.

TL;DR;: Since my best friend got engaged to her partner, I have the impression to feel ghosted and betrayed.