Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Alternative_Job3251 on 2024-01-13 14:22:32+00:00.

I've been dating my now girlfriend for 2 months. She's has some very naive ideas about sex and intimacy. She was a virgin until recently and had only kissed one boy before, a few years.

She's really clumsy when kissing and has a tendency to stick out her tongue and kind of leave it there without moving her lips. The first time we made love she wanted me to not use a condom and just pull out because she thought it was just as safe. She thought that Viagra prevented erections and that people used it when they want to make out and nothing more.

You know... things like that.

She's really interested in sex (she watches waaaay more porn than I do), but is really shy and clumsy during intimacy, and sometimes reveals these bizarre beliefs that leave me completely bewildered.

I would like to continue to date, she's really fun to be around, but I'm not sure how to navigate the moments when she says things like that. I feel like she seems hurt and embarrassed sometimes when she says these things out loud and I look at her like "huh?". I don't want her to feel like I'm always correcting her.

How should I handle these situations and how can I gently talk to her when she's doing something weird like sticking a dead tongue out, completely oblivious to how strange it is?

tl;dr: My girlfriend has some very naive, strange ideas about intimacy and sex. How to handle these situations?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Front-Yam1280 on 2024-01-13 14:02:58+00:00.

Every time I (19F) ask to either go hang-out with my friends or go on dates with my bf (21M) that isn't near our place, my parents (45M, 41F) never allow me to. Whenever I ask why, they would either not answer me or give varying excuses. They both recently (around 6 months and 1 month ago) had terrible health problems. I knew I had to take care of them and my little sister, so I didn't bother asking to go out or plan outings during that time. However, they now both don't need watching over and have been healthy since, but would still always use it as an excuse to keep me near home as the "problems might arise again due to stress caused by their worries," as they like to say. I can't even go to the mall just 15-20 mins away from us.

This has been going on for over a year, around the time I got with my bf. Whenever I'm at home (I usually stay at my college dorm), I have no choice but to pass up on outings with my friends or have my bf come to me instead for our dates. This whole set-up makes me feel bad for my bf and isolated as it's ended up straining my relationship with others. It has also led me to sneak out and lie about where I'm going multiple times, especially when I'm at my dorm. I don't know if this strictness is because I've gotten a bf. I've asked and they've said no, but it really feels like he's the reason. Still, they push the "they don't want to worry" narrative. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been feeling depressed since Christmas break because I can't even go out and have spend with my friends who I haven't seen in nearly a year. I asked when I can go out wherever I want, and they decide to joke around and say "neva 😆."

I don't want to leave them. They're great parents and this is honestly one of their only big downsides. But what can I do in this situation where they don't even want to talk about it seriously or avoid the topic? Is this normal behavior from them considering the things they've recently gone through and I'm just being incredibly self-centered?

TL;DR: My parents recently (6 months and 1 month ago) got terrible health problems and have since used it as an excuse to keep me within 10 mins from home, aside from when I'm at school. I am not allowed to go on outings with my friends, and my dates with my bf of 1 year should always be at malls or places near home. What do I do in this situation, especially when they don't want to talk about it? Am I being selfish since they've recently gone through a tough time?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dismal-Farmer2349 on 2024-01-13 11:10:15+00:00.

So my bf (M24) and I (F22) have been together for the last 9 months. He is the sweetest most caring person I know. But he tends to not open up about the things bothering him. He internalizes a lot and he won’t bring any negative emotions into our interactions.

So 4 days ago I forgot my backpack at his house that had my makeup and things I usually bring when I sleep at his house. So I went to get it. (I have a spare key). When I walked in. I went to his room to grab my bag. When I entered the hall, the door to his room was off the hinges and in three pieces. Immediately I went outside and called my bf because I was afraid something was really wrong, or that someone broke in or something. When he answered he told me that he’ll explain later but everything is fine and not to worry.

So around 6 he got home from work and picked up the door and when I asked what happened he just said “I had a really bad day and I took it out on the door”. My first reaction was one of that’s definitely a red flag but I pressed on more because “having a bad day” isn’t enough of a reason to break a door into pieces. He just said that he was feeling stressed and overwhelmed from the day and he had nowhere to go with the frustration and he just figured the door can be replaced. I reminded him that he could’ve came to me but he just said it’s over and could I please drop it.

I definitely feel like he needs to open up more and I’m also wondering what at work is so stressful that you need to break a door to release it. And no he is not like that with people. We’re had our share of fights and he is pretty calm and rational.

Is this something I should keep trying to address with him or just drop it as it could just be a one time thing?

TLDR: Bf broke door out of frustration and now he wants me to drop it and move on

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAamst on 2024-01-13 10:41:17+00:00.

To start this off I have always thought I was straight, but now I’m having some ✨feelings✨. About 6 months ago I started a new job at this bar. This girl let’s call her Jane also started at the same time and she is also straight. There’s a 4 year gap between us. She’s 22 and I’m 26. Nothing was out of the ordinary at first, normal work friends type of relationship, but the past maybe month or so things have changed. She’s texts me a lot. Which has led to us basically texting all day long. We also send memes on instagram. I’ve noticed that she will like to hang around with me after our shift. We will just sit at the bar and chat. One time I got up to go home and she was like “nooo stayyy”, so I did and we were there till 2am close. I’ve also noticed she will stand close to me, I catch her looking at me and she has also like randomly touched me too. Nothing inappropriate, but randomly touching my back or my shoulder. I’m kind of starting to have feelings for her, which is new for me. However, I’m even more so confused on if she likes me, or if this is just who she is a person. And again, we’re both “straight”. I’m so confused.

TL;DR. Met girl at work. We’re both straight, but now I’m thinking maybe not as feelings have developed. Her behavior towards me seems flirty, but can’t tell if she actually likes me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Extra-Obligation-319 on 2024-01-13 10:34:37+00:00.

Ok I’ll start from the beginning we deeply love each other he’s so sweet and I can’t imagine life without him last week he had a really big exam and he was so stressed about it so I haven’t seen him in a while and that’s ok I’m understanding, he called me telling me he’s going out with his friends even though he has seen his friends and he hasn’t seen me in like over a week I couldn’t help I told him why not me, he told me he’s stressed and he needs to see his friends I brushed it off but deep down I feel sad like why didn’t he choose to see me am I overreacting

TL;DR my boyfriend of 4 years chose to see his friends and I feel like I’m not a priority

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/chefgusteauisalive on 2024-01-13 10:33:55+00:00.

It was just general conversation at the dinner table. I’m not sure how it slipped in. I feel like a fucking asshole and I’m so sad about what I said. She’s a really great person and she tries to be the best mum she can (mostly. a lot of our relationship, we understand our mother-daughter needs differently, so there's always a misunderstanding and frustration - at least on my end). I just can’t relate to her or feel any connection no matter what I do at the moment. I tell her so much about my life and her responses are never really validating , nor are they invalidating, and for some reason I need to de-brief my life to her — like I’m looking for validation? I always feel fucking shit at the end, because I can’t find that spark between us. It’s dead. I care a shit ton about my mum but I don’t feel love for her. She feels like a stranger or a brick wall. Idk. Circling back, what can I do about that shit I told my mum? Idk if I should apologise. The amount of painful things I’ve said to my mum over the years, that come out of nowhere because I feel neglected, and then she absorbs all of that and she doesn’t speak of it again … how the fuck do I know what’s going through her head? She just takes everything and I can’t provide comfort or work through issues with her properly. Do I just not say anything about the comment today? (Sorry this is much of a rant than it is a question).

TL;DR I told my mum I don’t feel much of a connection with her and she got hurt. How do I apologise? And should I apologise for the truth?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwra78856 on 2024-01-13 03:00:14+00:00.

My boyfriend and I were out to dinner tonight at a nice restaurant. We stand up from the table to leave and put our coats on, my boyfriend gets up puts his coat on and walks and stands by the door to wait for me. By the time he is already at the door I’m standing up adjusting my skirt and have barely even put my coat on and grabbed my purse. I feel that it is rude when he doesn’t wait for me. He does this frequently and I have said to him before “hey can you wait for me to be ready before you get up and walk away from the table” he also used to always walk way ahead of me and I thought it was rude. So when we were walking towards the car I said “hey can you please not walk away from me and when I’m not ready it’s rude and embarrassing” and he’s like “wow sorry I got up from the table and waited for you by the door it’s not like I left the restaurant” I’m like yes but it’s just rude and makes me feel bad and it’s embarrassing when we’re out to a nice restaurant and everyone here is on a date. Does anyone else find this rude? He doesn’t realize how his behavior is rude, it feels narcissistic.

TLDR: Is it rude when my boyfriend (29M) walks away from a table without me (28F)?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FxllenWxaith on 2024-01-13 02:24:26+00:00.

My partner (31F ) and I (M26) have been together for almost two years now. She graduated with her master's last May and before that, the two of us were pretty much joined at the hip. The second we met it was an instant connection and just about every free moment the two of us had was spent together, she was working full time and doing her master's and I'm finishing my degree, so it was tricky at times, but we made it work. As soon as she graduated and moved into a new role though, she went from being present and emotionally available to working 10-15 hour days and dead emotionally. Intimacy and affection went from constant, to non-existent.

She either comes home and goes to sleep, ( we don't live together ) or she ditches me and plans we made together to spend time with her friends or do something else by herself and start screaming at me when I told her it was hurtful that she'd make time for the other people in her life, but not me. And I want to be very clear, I was not, nor have I ever tried to keep her away from her friends, her family, or anyone. I WANT her to have a strong social life outside of me, I just want to be PART of that life, instead of shoved to the outside looking in. She stopped calling like she used to on her way to work, stopped texting, all of our little routines just disappeared. I tried to make new ones and she refused to or said she just didn't have the time or energy.

She's been burnt out, I know that, so I've been doing everything I can to respect that. But it's getting harder and harder to keep being considerate when I'm watching her make time for her friends and hear her make comments like "of course I carved time out for ( insert person here ) when she doesn't do that for me anymore. Again, I'm not trying to be her entire world or take all of her time, I just want some of it, and to feel loved and desired like I used to.

We used to spend 4-6 hours a day together sharing our hobbies, on the phone, running errands, whatever, we were just happy to be together. Now it's like the only thing she cares about are her job, her friends, and her family. And I've communicated everything I'm saying here to her, telling her how much it hurts me and that I feel unwanted and rejected and undesired, and every time she takes accountability but says "I don't have any answers for you". And I'm just torn, because I've never had someone be as genuinely amazing to me as she was until she started her new job last year.

She was consistent, accountable, affectionate, intimate, everything you hear about speaking life into someone, that was her. Then this new job happened and that just died. We talked about how much I desire just her presence, and for us to spend time together like we used to again, or make some new rituals and habits for each other because I'm lonely. And all she said was "have you considered spending more time with your friends?" If I don't text her, I don't hear from her. If I don't try and make plans, none get made. I'm putting in all the effort in this relationship right now, and I don't mind doing it because I know she's struggling, but I feel worn down and unappreciated, unseen and unheard. Am I just wasting my time?

TLDR: My girlfriend got a new job and she turned into a completely different person. I don't know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Altruistic-Effect251 on 2024-01-13 02:12:50+00:00.

First time posting, I'll try to make it short. These are the events that have lead to my present situation.

1. When my husband (m36) and I first started dating his sister (f30) and her two cousins (f39 & f40) would get together regularly and make up lies and gossip about me (f33), my family and even my husband (her own brother), then she would run to us and tell us what the cousins were saying about us. So from the beginning, I've wondered why they were so comfortable talking sh*t about us in front of her. This has not stopped in the present.
2. She was going to college in a different city and we went to visit her. There, we learned that she was basically supporting a boyfriend with her parent's and my husband's money (he would occasionally send her money for school and life in general) and failing college. I told her that she shouldn't do that, she flat out started yelling at me in a mall to mind my own buisness.
3. By this next thing, I was already living with my husband for 3 or 4 years, but I had to move home for 9 months because he had to leave for some military education thingy and financially it made sense for us to save on rent if I were to go home. So the few times we did get to see each other it would be at his parent's house. So the 9 months was coming to an end and his sister was also home from school. Their mom and his sister were scheming behind our backs to get us out of the room we had spent the majority of our time in over the months because his sister wanted the comfy bed. Things arose and I decided not to spend the night but to come back in the morning. When I came back, all of her things were thrown all over our room, her bras on the bed, etc. So we had no place to ourself on his last free day before he had to go back to the base. I spent the day crying. My husband didn't realise or didn't understand that they basically kicked me/us out. He also didn't stand up for me when she was yelling at me in the mall.
4. So this happened 4 month ago. It was my MIL's birthday and we all chipped in to buy her a nice present, even the sister's new long distance toxic and mentally abusive and possessive bf. Everybody was included in the card, except for me. They knew I was hurt, but the sister didn't say sorry until a month later after she got into an argument with my husband and after they went from talking every day to not talking almost at all, not because he didn't want to talk to her but because she ghosted him after everything. So my MIL sends me a txt asking me how I was, and I tell her that I'm sad that her daughter has hurt me and she doesn't want to say sorry or anything. I told her that I was tired of always being silent so we would all get along and that I have had enough of the abuse. Many more things have happened and my husband always begged me to not say anything just to keep the peace and we live in a different city and don't see them very often, but every time we see them it's a new form of disrespect, to the point I have to pick my words around them. Now, this has been eating me inside because I come from a family where we express ourselves and how we are feeling. So I have kept quiet for years. Until I had enough, even with my husband. So, after I told my MIL how I was feeling, she started defending her daughter with LIES. Now this hits me hard, I go off on a rant of how badly they have treated me over the years and of how horrible the daughter has been and is as a person. Guess what happened, yes, my MIL has ghosted me ever since then.

Now, they are having a big family reunion next week, my husband told me that he might go and spend the night. I of course wasn't invited since I'm still being ghosted, not that I would want to go anyways. It hurt me that he would consider going after everything. He has told them many times in the past few months that their behaviour is not right, yet they are still ignoring me. After he said what he said, I started crying. He is willing to show up for all of their events like nothing is happening. He went home for Christmas and talked to his mom about everything, she said she understands but no one has reached out to me since or anything. So after I started crying he realised what he said and now he doesn't want to go anymore.

I just don't know what to do or how to move past this without breaking all ties with these people (something I would do with ease when it comes to other people, but I feel stuck with these people).

New to Reddit, first time posting. Thank you all for taking the time to read this!

TL;DR how to move forward with emotionally immature in-laws after voicing my opinions for the first time in almost 9 years about the disrespect I have been facing for years?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Possible-Focus-878 on 2024-01-13 00:53:02+00:00.

backstory i (18F) friends with benefits with this guy (20M) and he is my only sexual partner ( i lost my virginity to him) we have been messing around for 3 years. The last time we had sex was November 17th 2023 and i got tested December 21st 2023. When my results came back it said i had chlamydia so i texted him and told him i had to tell him something important and the first thing he said was “ is it health related” he was really apologetic and told me he just got tested but nothing came back yet he then tells me that he’s been having sex with three girls during the months october-december he said he had sex with one of the girls unprotected and the other 2 protected. I was so angry because he never told me he was having sex with other people and i felt so betrayed because i trusted him so i decided to tell my close friends on instagram about him for awareness to others that he’s dirty and having sex with multiple girls without having any regards for anyone’s health. His results came back and they’re negative and i explained that he probably got tested before, found out he had it, cured, and never told me and i'm just now finding out and he stopped being apologetic and started calling me a liar. But i'm confused on how i am positive but he’s negative when he’s the only person I've had sex with in my life? i’m thinking his test was false since he did a urine test and i did a swab test. I need help on deciding what to do next i hope i didn’t just expose him and i was wrong the whole time or i just need a explanation on how this is possible.

TL/DR/My ex gave me chlamydia but when he got tested he’s negative but he was having sex with other girls and he’s my only sexual partner. can someone explain what it means when this happens? was i in the wrong for exposing him? could i have a false positive?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lazyshumai on 2024-01-12 23:40:52+00:00.

TLDR: bf’s grooming standards dropped significantly, takes it jokingly when I bring it up, how do I fix this?

My bf & I have been together for a little over 3 years and became very comfortable fairly quickly as we moved in together 3 months into our relationship.

When we first started dating, I was extremely appreciative to how he took care of his personal grooming and style. He always showered twice a day, religiously cut his hair every 3 weeks & styled it everyday, did laundry frequently and had a good sense of style. Looking at his old pictures he kept that routine for a good 4 years before meeting me.

Slowly, he started to participate less in his grooming routine, with the first being growing his hair out and letting it be from when he wakes up. This never bothered me as I change my own hairstyle every 6 months, so I assumed he wanted to try something different. But then now it’s turned into him taking 2 minute showers, leaving his hair to the point where you can’t even call it a type of haircut and the most disgusting of all, re-wearing clothes for days including socks and underwear. One of the biggest fights we’ve had was when I booked us a date night to a nice waterfront restaurant and after getting ready for 2 hrs found out he was going to wear a hoodie and sweats.

It’s starting to affect our sex life, as I don’t have the desire to be intimate when his breath smells and he has b.o from his half-assed showers.

I’ve asked him if everything was okay with work and life as I know that can be a factor but he assured me that nothing was wrong. I’ve tried to make comments in a lighthearted, joking way about his breath but he would respond equally as joking by blowing it in my face. The one time I did ask him honestly about why his personal grooming standards had changed, he just told me that it was because he was comfortable with me. I felt the same with not wanting to wear makeup or being open with my body, but I always made sure that I smell clean and keep up with my hygiene.

I don’t want to come across as shallow and more importantly don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also believe that personal hygiene is important. Is this a hill worth dying on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CarlsDinner on 2024-01-12 23:00:07+00:00.

Tl;dr; - My family has previously done a week long family vacation in the summer. Starting last year my brother had a child and as a result wife and I had a bad time. He has two children now and we want to back out. I still love my brother though and don't want to hurt his feelings.

This story involves my parents (MF 60's), my wife and I (MF 30's) and my brother's family (MF 30's, F 2, M 1)

A little over two years ago, before my brother had kids, my parents resurrected the idea of whole family vacations. We hadn't done it in a while because of starting careers, conflicting schedules, ect. And it went really well.

So well, that my parents decided to straight up buy a lake house both for their own enjoyment but also has a place for this kind of event.

My brother lives pretty far away, while I live very close to them, and my wife and I both put in a good amount of time and effort getting the house all set up and ready to go. We also have spent plenty of weekends there with my parents.

So last year it was time to have the week long family vacation, and unfortunately it just was not a good time.

I love my brother and his family very much, but my wife and I are just really not interested in children at all. On the flip side, my brother and his wife love their children more than life itself, and spend every waking moment they aren't at work interacting with them.

Some of the things that bothered us about the vacation with them were:

Their child is not allowed to watch TV, but they want her to play in the main (TV) room. The TV was not allowed to be on while child was awake

Their bedroom shares a wall with the TV room, so when child is asleep we must be quiet and TV volume at a whisper level

They could be in a bedroom away from the TV to mitigate this, but that one doesn't have an attached bathroom, so that's what I get.

SIL is breast feeding/pumping which must be done quite often. Like every 2 hours apparently. But we don't want to exclude her, so any boat excursions we do are very limited which really kills the lake vibe for me. It probably take 30 minutes for them to get ready, 30 minutes to drive to a cove and anchor, drink a beer and then start packing up to drive back to the dock

My brother and SIL don't drink. When they are around neither do my parents. This is allegedly a vacation and I'd rather lean towards mimosas every morning and party on the pontoon.

With no TV and limited lake access, every spends 100% of their time just watching the kids play on the floor in the living room. I don't enjoy this at all

Their child is scared and allergic to my very friendly miniature dog, who is smaller than the child. Doggo doesn't understand why nobody wants him around when usually my parents love him.

So now it's already been brought up about this year and I said I didn't have a good time last year and I'm not coming this year. I'll go with just my parents but I think it should just be the 4 of them without me for the week so they can cater specifically to just my brother. I could tell this was the wrong answer.

I don't mean anyone any harm, but if I wanted kids I would have some. I want my vacation to be about me and what I want. I'm having trouble with communicating that in an inoffensive way.

What do you think I should do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PsudoRiot on 2024-01-12 21:43:15+00:00.

I made a commitment to my girlfriend that we would move in together, but we don't get along and argue all the time. She's taken out a knife on me, held me in multiple rooms of the house whenever she wants to argue and I want to leave. I feel terrible because we already signed a lease together, but I hate our relationship now.

We've been together for three years, and I stand by her thinking that things would be different, but nothing has changed. Its just hidden during the time things are to her liking. But the moment things are tense or we have a small complication, she immediately breaks down and starts screaming saying that "she's just crying!"

I keep telling her I feel its not the right choice for us to move in together, but she keeps saying we already made the commitment and that she already quit her job for the move.

I understand that the situation is messed up, but I don't know what to do about it.

I feel like such an asshole about the situation because I believed things would be different and agreed to get the house with her because of it. But I try to tell her that I'd like to talk about how we can make it easier for her to stay where she currently is, and she refuses to even try - she only cries and yells that she "got that house with me and she wants to be over there."

Thoughts?

tl;dr About to move into new home with my girlfriend who I argue with all the time. She screams a lot when she cries (hysterically) and scary events have come up in the past that I can’t let go of or forget easily. Now I’m scared of living with her and don’t think we should move forward and I feel like an asshole. How do I go about the situation?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Proof_Stage_3856 on 2024-01-12 20:50:10+00:00.

(29M) am feeling trapped and miserable with my girlfriend (27F). We have a 7 month old child who is the light of our lives, whom I'm sure we would both burn heaven and hell for. That's not the bit where I feel trapped.

I am a full time student at a local college for a welding program due to graduate in August and working a full time job, using my GI bill stipend to help make ends meet since the only full time jobs that allows flexibility to get my mountains of homework done is as a gas station attendant working 2nd shift (5pm-1am) 5 days a week. I get to sleep on average around 4-5 hours a night.

She stays at home full time with our child until we can start our child in daycare in March. She states that the room is constantly a mess and blames me for it, and that while I try to get laundry done and clean up the dishes, I am told that I don't fold the clothes right and put my stuff away messy

She told me a couple weeks ago that she has fallen out of love with me, and isn't physically attracted to me anymore. I have ptsd from my time in the infantry coupled with a tbi that makes my memory very shoddy. She knew those things when we first started dating, and I am getting counseling/medical assistance for them, but more and more she gets mad at me for forgetting small stuff constantly (change left out on the counter, leaving my laptop on the table for a couple days in a row where I do homework, and forgetting my socks in odd places.

I feel like nothing more than an ATM at times, and sometimes feel like I'm on an island, alone and cold. I would never do anything to harm myself or my family, but I fought for a long time with my depression and can feel that dark beast digging it's claws into my heart again.

Tl;Dr I am feeling like the bad guy even though I'm doing all that I can.

What the heck do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Free-Bad-2839 on 2024-01-12 18:32:27+00:00.

A couple of years ago, my GF of 14 months and this guy went on a couple of dates together, but ended as friends. He is now married to another woman.

Today they were going to go out for a quick dinner, then one hour later meet me at a pub. I (32m) was also invited to the dinner, but had other plans.

I show up at the pub at the specific time, order a pint and wait. I text her after 15 min about when they'll be here, she says they've ordered the 5 dishes set course menu and are waiting for one more dessert. I ask them which restaurant they went to, but get no reply.

After another 15 minutes, my beer is empty and after always having to wait for her to arrive to our appointments, I start preparing to head home.

Another 15 mintes later, she says they're going to leave to the pub soon and complains about the bill at the restaurant being so high.

I tell her not to bother, as I'm already on my way home at the time.

It might be that I'm overreacting, but what I find bothers me some extra about this is the fact that she's always so careful about saving money, never wanting to go to those type of restaurants together with me, and the only time we've gone to a comparable restaurant has been twice on holiday and once for an anniversary, but today she figured she'd impulsively go with that guy.

In addition, she had ample time to let me know they ordered a bigger dinner and would be late, so that I wouldn't show up on the scheduled time as well.

I dunno. Advice? Am I overreacting? I feel so disappointed and hurt.

tl;dr: I was gonna meet my GF after she had a quick dinner with a friend she used to date. They ordered an expensive 5 course menu, which was unusual for her, they left me waiting without letting me know, and I ended up leaving before they even got there.

edit: Added my age and relationship length. We've been together for 14 months.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/chefontheweekend on 2024-01-12 17:28:00+00:00.

I am not sure how to approach our relationship going forward and who could help me go through this situation.

I was at my parents place with my two brothers and their girlfriends and having « lunch » at 4pm, it’s our small tradition every Sunday to eat just one meal for for a couple of hours. We usually dress up nice and each of us prepare a part of the meal. I dressed up with a nice silk skirt and a blouse and I felt it was very elegant and nice, but it was not possible to wear a bra with it. We were all sitting in the sofa and at some point my top kind of slipped a little bit so I pulled it up again, and my drunk dad trying to be fun said « hey what are you trying to cover, the mosquito bites? » and pulled my sleave which totally revealed my left breast. I immediately covered myself and ran to the bathroom, and heard my mom telling him how stupid he is. The two Girlfriends of my brothers then came to insist for me to join back and this was also very embarrassing. I then just went to my room and my two parents then apologized for the incident but for me there is no way back and I am so hurt. Also, I’m the only single kid even if I’m the oldest (31yo) so I feel like a total failure right now.

Tl;dr: my dad body shamed me and exposed me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FunkyTree123 on 2024-01-12 17:26:06+00:00.

So me (21F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 1yr5mo. We have had lots of ups and downs and challenges when it has come to finding our feet in our relationship and figuring ourselves out. Some of the more normal struggles that every relationship faces like how to spend time together, what we both want and need, what is too much and not enough for eachother etc. which we are in a really good place about now and we understand eachother really well and i think weve found a great balance in our lives, considering we now live together and have done for a couple months. We have also faced harder challenges with mental health which we have both decided to start therapy (separately as we need to deal with personal not relationship problems) and also challenges sexually, which is still something that is being worked on. All in all i think we have had to put a lot of time and effort into figuring eachother out and on the most part, we are nearly there and things generally are really good and we both definitely love and appreciate eachother so so much.

The other night i sat down with him to talk about some things that i am not 100% happy with. i hoped that if i opened up and shed some light, he would definitely understand and we could start to work on making them better. Now if im being honest it was an emotional conversation from my side and he was there to comfort me in the ways he knew how i needed and he listened and everything was great… until he went to say something but then stopped himself. This obviously arose suspicion so after a few minutes of telling him its okay and he can talk to me (and also feeling sick cause wtf is he gonna say… im a vv anxious person) basically he ended up saying that he is still in love with his ex. his ex from when he went to college 10 years ago. his first love. he said he THINKS he is just in love with “the idea” of her and not actually her because they didn’t actually really get on, apparently they weren’t very compatible. she cheated on him and was also a lil violent towards him too. aparently he thinks her family has something to do with why he feels like that cause they were amazing with him and they even still say happy birthday to him. Now when he was telling me all of this obviously i broke down crying and he just hugged me and apologised (which he doesnt really do cause he can be a proud boy sometimes) and he answered all my questions i had without hesitation. i didnt know what to do. i turned away from him, then turned back to him for a hug, then turned away again and went to stand up to walk away and he pulled me back and hugged me again. i feel heartbroken, he told me this 3 days ago. it kindof came about because i had noticed that he religiously likes this certain girls pictures on instagram. i asked who she was and he originally said she is just an old friend but he did a little smirk and i obviously knew that wasnt the end of the story. obvs the girl that he likes every photo of, this stunning, beautiful, dancer with a great tan, she is his ex. his first love. he said he knew he was wrong to like her pictures and he wouldnt be doing that again. i said that out of respect for me i dont even think he should be following her i mean HE HAS BEEN IN LOVE WITH HER FOR 10 YEARS. how does he think hes ever gonna move on if hes still got so much access to her. idk, it took him a couple of days but he finally unfollowed her on instagram. when i originally asked him to unfollow her he asked if we could re visit it, like it was some sort of topic that we could negotiate on. then the second time i mentioned it he said he would get to it (it feels like it was a really big thing for him to do, like he is majorly attached to her). i mean, he has unfollowed her now (and he said that of course its understandable why id want that). i just feel so angry but so much more sad.

i feel cheated, i feel like i will always be second best in his mind. im scared that one day she will just pop back into his life and she will have changed for the better and they will get on really well and he will leave me (i know this is me just overthinking and being anxious and scared but how can i not be). i know some people would leave after finding this out but i dont want too. i love him, i am absolutely and completely in love with him and i feel like my heart has been shattered because i am not the only one for him. he has held me and kissed me while ive cried about it, he has apologised and tried to reassure me as much as he can and said he wont always feel like this forever and he isnt going anywhere and he sees his life with me and im not allowed to leave him cause its supposed to be us. i know he loves me i really do and i know i am all for him and ill fight through the hard times so we can have the good but i am just so so hurt and i dont know how to deal with it. he fucking loves his ex. its his first love. she is stunning and living an amazing life dancing and doing all sorts of stuff. he has loved her for 10 years and i just feel so sad.

how am i supposed to not continue to lose my mind about this? what does it even mean to be in love with the idea of someone. he says he doesnt think about her but like how can you be in love with someone and not think about them? i just dont even understand what it means. what to do about it. how to not feel so sad about him telling me this. ive never wanted to be with someone and wanted to build a life with someone as much as i have with him, weve literally been talking about buying a house together and stuff. i just feel horrible.

——

TL;DR my boyfriend of nearly a year and a half told me that he is in love with “the idea” of his ex, who is his first love from college 10 years ago. how do i not be sad about this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/confusedladyoverhere on 2024-01-12 16:53:49+00:00.

My boyfriend is extremely busy with work and tired because he worked over the weekend, took two exercise classes this week, spent the whole night at the office until 5am on Wednesday, and had a big meeting with a tech lead yesterday. We agreed over a video call that he is supposed to watch our dog Riceball for the next two weeks because I’m moving to a new apartment tomorrow, but he has not answered calls or texts for two days. I am really worried about him and hope he’s okay. Riceball and I are screwed because I have to move out of my current place by eod tomorrow, and he is supposed to send $2000 for me sign the lease that he helped me choose. I don’t have the funds to cover this on my own and find a place for Riceball to go by tomorrow. He has not communicated at all for two days. Fridays are no meetings so I know he’s not at the office today. I need help. What should I do?

TL;DR My boyfriend is supposed to watch the dog and send money today but he’s not responding to any calls

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Walrock1 on 2024-01-13 08:55:15+00:00.

TL;DR need advice for communicating sexual frustration to my(38m) gf(30fm)

We have been together for a little over two years now and the past month or two I've been asking for oral and there has been no excuses or reasons why it doesn't happen. I have explained my frustrations to her a few times and still nothing.

It's gotten to a point where she like to jokingly say "lemme suck you off" and I get pissed at her and tell her to stop with that bullshit.

I don't know what to do or how to approach this situation without hurting her or continuing down this path of frustration

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dayonia on 2024-01-13 08:54:22+00:00.

long story short my friend was treating me like a therapist and would constantly come to me (almost every day) about her issues. We couldn't even have a casual conversation without her making it about herself. Anytime we hung out, talked on the phone, or anything she would always end up talking about her issues and guy troubles. She called me 3 times while I was hanging out with my boyfriend (she knew we were hanging out and that I don't like to be on my phone) so that kind of made me snap and message her a long message telling her I've made myself too emotionally available for her and I needed to take step back. I wasn't mean about it, I advised I still wanted to be friends, and I made sure she knew I care about her problems but also couldn't solve all her problems and that I just didn't have the mental capacity to take on all of her issues. Well she read the message and then unadded me on all social media and has gotten two mutual friends to drop me as well. Am I in the wrong? in my eyes all I did was set boundaries because I literally couldn't handle the negativity all the time....granted this girl has had a hard past but she does nothing to heal or help herself...it didn't matter how much advice I gave her she just kept doing the same things over and over again and then wondered why her outcome was the same. Things got worse when she quit taking her meds and going to a therapist. There were a few different times I had advised her to go back to seeing a therapist and she would say "I can just talk to you".

TL;DR! Am I a bad friend who's being selfish for not being able to listen to my friend vent and constant negativity?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bbird237 on 2024-01-13 08:31:44+00:00.

Me (F26) and my fiance (M34) have been together 5 and a half years and engaged for about 6 months. We've got a house, dog and have recently even been trying for a baby. He's always such a nice guy and has never done anything else in our relationship to make me not trust him or think bad of him before.

Around the start of December my fiance had a student come out with him at work on a placement, he had her as a student for roughly 8-10 shifts from what I remember. She's now since gone back to university. Also she is in her own relationship of 4 years.

Last week I was on our laptop and something told me to check his Facebook, I haven't done anything like this in like 2 years but something told me to look. What I found was lots and lots of messages between them since the start of December. They appear to be talking continuously nearly everyday, until about 2-3am. Majority of the messages are just general chat about work, music, memes - nothing too worrying. However every so often they would be comments such as: "I miss you" "I truly believe what we have is rare" "I'm obsessed with talking to you" "Your like a drug to me" "I feel that we have connection" "Meeting you is one of my highlights of 2023"

They also met up twice for a dog walk, each one lasting about an hour each. He has admitted that he hugged her on those occasions but denies anything else happening. From the messages I've read it does appear to align with his story.

Now I'm clearly very hurt, and currently I have given him the engagement ring back and it sort of feels that we are in a bit or a relationship limbo atm.

When we've spoke about it, he will admit that what he has done was wrong, he states he noticed they had similar humours while he was working together, started sending some funny pictures to eachother then it sort of escalated to these occasional inappropriate comments. He states he's done nothing sexual, no kissing and theres no particularly like sexual flirting on the chats. He says he would be lying if he states he didn't have some form of connection with her, that made him want to keep coming back to the conversation, but he states he never wanted to leave me and that he just found the conversation fun.

I mean at the moment I'm not feeling entirely sure what the right thing to do is. I've never been in this situation and truly want to believe it could be fixable, but am I just being a mug if I allow him to get away with this and stay in the relationship? does it make him more likely to do the same again in the future? is it best to cut it out now and leave?

(Is worth mentioning, if we broke up we would have to still live together for a fair amount of time, our house is halfway through being done up and we both threw all our savings on buying this house and doing it up neither of us could afford to move out currently)

TL;DR - My fiance has been texting another girl behind my back, involving inappropriate comments, is this fixable or should I just walk away?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sad-Locksmith3142 on 2024-01-13 08:31:13+00:00.

I'm 34(M) currently dating an great woman 29(F), looking for some straight forward advice from some outside perspectives. Apologies for the short novel this turned into, felt necessary though.

To put a bit into context, before this I was in a ten year relationship with a woman who I'd consider my twin flame. She had a son who I loved as well, we were engaged but things ended very abruptly back in June of 2022, long story. Honestly still fucks with me a bit (pretty sure it always will with how deep our connection was), but I'm pretty well past it at this point and have accepted it after a lot of work.

Anyway, the girl I'm dating now is great. Funny as hell, smart, witty, gorgeous, hard worker, ambitious, kind, supportive, and we get along incredibly well most of the time. I was already in the planning stages of moving when we started dating (Dec 2022), and after about 8 months of dating I took off to the state next door in August last year. Mostly just to get away from the state where I grew up. Dead-end town and felt like I couldn't grow there anymore and needed a new chapter. I'm just doing the digital nomad life for the moment, but may set down roots if I get bored with the lifestyle, so we decided to do a long distance relationship. She comes out about once a month.

Now for the cons. She's a single mother of a 2 year old who has Cerebral Palsy (minor though, effects her walking a bit, but possible that things may come up as she develops), is about 100k in debt from school, diagnosed depression, some anger issues, job barely keeps her above the poverty line (I support her quite a bit financially), the kids dad is a severe drunk and she has to deal with his family and their manipulation, as well as visitation, custody, family plan, etc.

For myself, although I had a a bit of a rough past, I now have a master's degree, a great career working remote that pays well and contract work on the side for extra cash, no debt, no kids, decent savings, etc.

She's displayed some concerning characteristics in our relationship from time to time, among them are where her anger or emotions get the best of her, even in moments where she basically has anything she could ever want in that moment, and its me trying to patiently and calmly ask her what she needs or whats wrong and she just repeats "I don't know!" until she storms out or coaxes a more stern reaction from me. She's gotten mad/upset over the simplest things from video games, to she can't find her robe and shes cold, full on anger fits. I've tried my best to be understanding when she feels like the world is falling apart, but there have been occasions where I snap back at her or usually I just walk away and that's usually when she comes around. Saying that "I'm sorry, I need to work on myself" and usually blames the emotions on some relatively innocuous external factor or says "I'll be better when we live together and when I'm in a stable environment". I'm not terribly familiar with depression but these fits seem to be within the realm.

But, even after those moments she truly tries to talk things out with me and be introspective to figure out what made her behave that way, even if I'm the asshole in the scenario and maybe said something hurtful, I'll completely own up to it and we'll talk it out. Unfortunately the lessons don't seem to retain though because it seems to be a cycle that repeats every couple of months at least, even with me reminding her of what we went over previously, so more effort feels like its being put on my part to retain those lessons and apply them and support her rather than her consider my needs/wants in a lot of cases.

Shes incredible when shes stable though, but I think that's a thought that I'm struggling most with. Is that I've learned that you need to love someone for who they are, not who you think they could become. I do wholeheartedly love who she is now, but at the moment I don't want to live with that version of her, I want to live and have a life with the stable version of her, and that is basically a $5-800k gamble on buying a house, building a life, dealing with her debt and all the stresses in her life, making sure the kid is taken care of and loved, etc.

I've always wanted to travel, and with nothing really tying me down and still relatively young it feels like this would be the only chance I've got, especially since I can work remotely. Ideally I thought I would've met someone by now who I could've done it with, but I've made peace with the fact that I may have to do it solo and just combat the loneliness of the road occasionally. But I've always wanted to build a home somewhere with someone I love as well, but I don't want to resent her by not fulfilling a lifelong wish of mine and have that effect the relationship in the future, and that's ultimately what I'm struggling to decide.

So I guess I'm just wondering a couple things:

1. Has anyone had a situation with their SO where prior to being together it was kind of like "wow, you're kind of a mess" and then once they got in a stable environment they flourished?

2. Just generally, what do you think I should do? Should I just call it quits and travel?

Thanks in advance everyone!

TL;DR!

34m dating a 29f diagnosed depressed single mother of a child with Cerebral Palsy, 100k+ of debt, drunk/deadbeat baby daddy with whom she shares custody, and want to know if I should settle down with her to provide a stable home where she will hopefully flourish or should I pursue my wish of traveling before I settle down.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RainyDelany on 2024-01-13 08:28:01+00:00.

i (40 f) fell in love with someone (38 m) who is pretty bad news (criminal, felon, addict/junkie) despite knowing his history... i saw something else there... it was platonic, but a strong connection...that i miss.

they did some despicable things (not to me) & then i was told they had faked their feelings for me/ it was an act, essentially to use or rob me- they were not successful because despite strong feelings, i stayed really guarded towards them

they are gone from my life now, but i have fallen into a deep depressio. i miss them. i am too ashamed to talk to anyone, because i feel embarrassed and it barely makes sense to me- it wont make sense to anyone else.

my self esteem absolutely nose dived. i feel self loathing, depressed, but also really heartbroken and sad / miss them, while self loathing/ like is there something wrong with me, that they did not really care for me, want me, would do me harm... also i struggle with believing they are as bad as EVERYTHING indicates they are. part of me still believes that connection i felt was real and i am not an absolute idiot.

how could someone completely fake a connection like that? how could i fall for it so intensely??

tdlr; am i an easy target to be manipulated?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SatoshiEK on 2024-01-13 08:18:53+00:00.

I (M28) work in a cookie factory in the warehouse. and the reception is also kind of inside the warehouse. There's these two indian girls (clearly two over 18F) that show up once or twice a month, very sporadically. I never talked to them, just said hi at best, but I always found one of them to be very attractive.

Recently I was alone at work, had to do customer service because of that and the two girls showed up. I briefly talked to them and noticed the girl I find attractive had a name tag on her (she probably goes there to buy some cookies on her lunch break). I searched for her on Instagram and found her profile.

Like I said, I don't do customer service and I barely see them when they show up, which is already not very common. So I feel like my only chance of asking her out would be sending her a DM. But I also know it would be kinda creepy sending a DM to a girl I've seen irl but barely talked to.

Should I send the message? If I do, what would be the best way to approach her?

TL;DR: Talked to a girl I wanna ask out once in my workplace and, despite seeing her once a month, will most likely not talk to her again. Found her Instagram profile though. Should I message her? How should I message her without being creepy?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Radish7181 on 2024-01-13 08:14:44+00:00.

Some context before the situation. I've(31M) been dating my girlfriend(25F) for about a year now and we've never really had a "deep" connection. Shes sweet, very chill, doesnt nag me, and helpful for the most part. She hasnt had a job, nor does she have a car, but Its not my first time entirely supporting a woman. I love her because shes a go with the flow kind of girl and i haven't had to compromise my lifestyle for her. In fact we share some mutual hobbies that has made our time more enjoyable than other relationships but in a way I've never experienced. I wont get into details. Regardless, i have alot of deep thoughts and feelings about life and psychology. I've never had a philosophical conversation with her and sometimes we just sit in silence (which i dont mind most of the time). I feel like shes incapable of conscious thoughts though and she's just a product of the internet and bad parenting sometimes..

TLDR: i have strong feelings for my girlfriend but she doesnt match the criteria of someone I'd consider spending the rest of my life with. I'd also be willing to see where it goes because of the some of the positive feelings i get from being with her.

The situation. So just the other night we were playing dungeons and dragons with my friend group that ive known long before my current girlfriend. She constantly rolls unusually well and i guess i never thought to watch her but i suspected she may be fudging the number every now and then. Well the other night i watched her flip her dice after she rolled low, in order to save herself from death (in the game). That night, one of our friends was leaving and it was the usual hugs goodbye and "drive safe" but when she hugged him, he replied to something she said with "aww me? Thanks!" And i believe she said "you smell good" which was her pickup line on me when we first started hanging out and she says it to me still. This particular "friend" I've been suspicious of, as I've watched him touch my brothers girlfriend inappropriately when while my brother was passed out drunk at a new years party. This "friend" also kept in contact with my previous ex girlfriend after we broke up and i found out through her that they had talked recently. I've asked my girlfriend to refrain from giving him too much attention as he makes me uncomfortable and is the most likely to take advantage of a situation, from my experience. I also found out from a member of our friend group that a couple months before this, my girlfriend and said "friend" had been discussing our relationship. I dont know the details of their conversation but im positive that it was after i asked her to keep her distance from him.

Anyways, i confronted my girlfriend about cheating at the game in a friendly way, I would have laughed it off with her and it wouldn't have been a big deal. She lied to me and said she did not cheat, then she said "maybe" she did, and that she "didnt remember". I then asked her if she had told my "friend" that he smelled good. Her reaction seemed so exaggerated, like that of a blatantly lying child. Like " NOooOO i definitely didnt say that!" She apparently could not remember what she said even though it seemed to be a significant interaction from my perspective (about 15' away). Then i asked if she'd been talking to my "friend" about our relationship, to which she replied, "I've never talked to him" to "i talked to him about OUR relationship, not a relationship between him and I". I've looked at their messages in the phone i bought her and there was no such conversation which leads me to believe she deleted the messages. She also spent an unusual amount of effort and money (that she gained from her only 2 weeks of working since we've been together) to get him a Christmas gift as well as mostly modest gifts for everyone in our friend group but got me nothing. Not trying to be petty but it raises an alarm in my eyes.

My first thoughts are. If shes willing to cheat at a game, would she be willing to cheat in real life? If she lies to me about cheating at a game, wouldn't she lie to me about bigger issues? I asked her not to talk to my "friend" yet she did anyways, knowing that it makes me uncomfortable and didnt even feel the need to mention it to me without being asked.

TLDR: I(31M) caught my girlfriend(25F) cheating at a game, confronted her in a friendly/joking manner and she lied to me. Ive asked her to stop talking to a member of our friend group and she went behind my back and possibly deleted messages. I assume based off my "friends" response ("aww me? Thanks") that she said something intimate to him at the end of that same night. She says she doesnt remember what she said but it seemed significant enough to remember, also her excuse for cheating at the game was "maybe i did?" "I dont remember".

I've had a rough year and i dont want to project my insecurities or paranoia, but all of these things plus a few things i havent mentioned, seem like red flags. Im so over being taken advantage of and being lied to and manipulated by my partners. If she had been honest about cheating at the game i would have had more reason to believe her answers to my other questions but it feels like trying to get the truth out of a child. Like the only way ill get the truth is if she gets emotional enough or i trick her. I dont want to play those games..