Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cannedbewns on 2024-01-13 07:54:15+00:00.

I (21 F) have been with my boyfriend (22 m) for almost 5 years now. I love him with my whole soul, we get along like a house on fire. We have never argued, we have so much in common, I feel so loved by him and he’s my best friend in the entire world. However, he hasn’t had a job for longer than a month our whole relationship. I have always payed for everything. I’ve financially supported him for years and sometimes his family, even when I couldn’t. He doesn’t seem to have any plans to get a job (even tho he says he does). I love him so much and want him in my life forever but I can’t see us having a future if he doesn’t get himself together. I’ve had a long talk with my friends and family and they all seem to think I can do better and should end things but I feel like he checks all my boxes and that he’s it for me. I want a life full of love, travel and not having to worry about finances. I’ve been crying for days and am absolutely torn up about this. Please, any advice is more than welcome.

TLDR: Boyfriend of almost 5 years is the most amazing person but hasn’t held a job down our whole relationship and completely relies on me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/annettexo on 2024-01-13 07:47:44+00:00.

What do I do about fwd who’s hiding something.. maybe a gf

I (26f) have been talking to this (28m)guy for almost a year now. It’s nothing serious however we do talk pretty often, like on a daily a basis.. the longest we’ve gone without talking within this past year is probably weeks. But we have only seen each other once and are planning on seeing each other again, except I’m pretty wary about seeing him now because I’m pretty sure he’s hiding something and I think that might be his relationship.. although it’s none of my business because we’re nothing serious, I did tell him i wouldn’t mess with him if he had a gf and although he has denied it many times and I did believe him at first I’m not really sure I do anymore and this is why

So basically, about 4 months after we hooked up and talking pretty normal and even talking about when we’d meet up again he randomly blocks me from the only form of communication we had! I was confused more than anything and a little bummed but I figured he might be entertaining a potential person of interest so I just said oh well and tried to move on… after the weekend passed he friends me again but from a different account saying he had been hacked on his other account which I honestly didn’t believe because when I asked if he was still using that account he said no and well with a little bit of detective work which was very easy to do I found out that wasn’t true and he was still active on that account. I confronted him about it asked again if he’s in a relationship and he said no. But with how easily he lied to me even though I thought we had both been honest with each other for the most part I obviously don’t know if I should believe anything he tells me anymore! Fast forward to now, his other account seems to have no activity but tbh it’s super easy to make it seem that way on this outlet if I’m not his friend on that account. His new account situation is also kind of weird because he’ll post stories as if he has an audience but his score only seems to go up when he post a story, send me snaps or I send him snaps… I kind of mentioned this when he said he’s been having this account just never really used it and he pointed out that his score had been slowly going up but when I pointed out my observation his response was “whattt, not even wth” or something along those lines. Lol

We have talked about seeing each other again and I brought up the fact that he straight up lied to to me about something but he kind of brushed it off and said there was no reason behind that! I would also like to note that he supposedly has another girl he has sex with and I’ve told him to get tested before we meet again because of that but he keeps saying he’s clean because he knows for a fact that she’s not messing around with any other guy besides him. Which anyone can say that but that doesn’t make it true and how can he be so sure?!

Anyway we have talked about meeting again soon but I am wary about it and idk I’m thinking I’ll ask him again in person and see how he reacts?? I did do some snooping to see if I could find any indication of him being in a relationship and the only thing I found was a pic of him and his supposed ex from 5 years ago… Am I just blinded to this at this point?? I mentioned this to my friend and she said she still has a pic of her and her ex from years back on her fb too so really idk what to think cuz if it’s not his ex it could be anyone else he’s in a relationship with.. I hate the feeling this entire situation gives me but I can’t help but keep in contact with him! I have tried to distance myself I even unfriended him a while back but he added me again and I caved and accepted his request but yeah idk wth is going on with this guy and wth I should do

TL;DR afraid that fwb is hiding the fact that he’s in a relationship. Idk how he hides it so well cuz we talk often. Thought about reaching out to supposed ex but it’d be awkward if they’re not together anymore… not sure how to go about this cuz our dynamic is pretty great and tbh talking almost everyday has created a weird attachment although there’s nothing serious between us.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Specific_Sandwich594 on 2024-01-13 07:34:08+00:00.

My gf and i are 10 years apart. The more I live with her the more I realize how lazy and unmotivated she is. I work full time and do household chores without complaint. Meanwhile she quits her job every 2 months and yaps about wanting to make income on tiktok but rarely posts anything. She was cool in the beginning. Now she's just really annoying. I want to be a good man and not quit on relationships like I've done in the past. Shes smart and compassionate which i value but just so self centered and doesnt understand boundaries. Is anyone else finding it frustrating to date younger women. Half the time I feel like I'm just putting up with her annoying habits because she wasn't house trained instead of actually enjoying spending time with her. What's a good approach for reaching harmony?

TL:DR What's a good way to get past her growing pains without growing to dislike her even more.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bulky_Ad_4214 on 2024-01-13 07:23:17+00:00.

(i’m sorry this is super long but i want to give as much context as i can and try to salvage our relationship please help🙏)

Me and my bf are both in highschool and same grade we have great chemistry and i feel like he is my best friend, i don’t get embarrassed around him and i can fully be myself.

But lately we have been getting in a lot of arguments about him not being able to trust me since in the past he’s gotten cheated on and he’s been consistently accusing me and saying that i am sneaking guys in my house or i’m probably sneaking coworkers in my car. (which i have never done and will never do)

We’ve had countless talks about this and i tell him how important it is to have trust in a relationship and good communication, he tells me he will start communicating with me better and trusting me but a few days later it’s the same thing all over again. i also give him lots of reassurance abt our relationship and how much i do really care abt him.

He is also controlling and has told me he had issues with this in his past relationships. He sometimes gets on me about what kind of clothes i wear he once told me i’m not allowed to wear a pair of leggings i had bought as well as getting mad at me for being friendly to coworkers and that he doesn’t want me talking to certain people.

We had a huge argument today about me going to a party with only a few of my close friends( only 6 or 7 people who i’m all very close with) he was a little upset about that but than i told him that there’s going to be drinks there. I have never drank before and i want to try it atleast once to just experience it as well as doing around people i trust. This is honestly a one time thing just to try it i wouldn’t do this consistently.

He got extremely upset with me and told me if i drank at all not to text him for a few days because he doesn’t want to be around that and he considered breaking up with me over this.

I argued back with him bc he has done a lot of questionable things especially illegal. which i have been able to look past bc i do really care abt him and love him.

I talked with my really close friend abt this situation and she told me to dump him bc he is controlling and manipulating me. I know i should trust and listen to my friend but i want to him give one last chance cuz i really do love him.

Should i give him an ultimatum or should i just end it now. If i do give him an ultimatum i will stick by it and if he accuses or try to control me i will dump him.

TLDR: My bf is controlling and untrusting but i still love him is there anyway i can help him and fix our relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Nise_freestylez on 2024-01-13 07:11:28+00:00.

we have been together for 5 months

on New years I went to the bar to hang out with my gf and while I was there she was being a little too touchy with one of her guy friends and so I took her away and talked to her about it a little bit and how it bothered me but anyways.

idk how to feel about this but basically everyone was drunk and this girl name Ella (my GFS friend) kept telling this dude named Bob (my GFS friend) that I was controlling even tho I am not. so while me and my gf were talking he came up and asked her if she's coming to the after party and she said yes but then he kept slapping me in the back and then at the end called me a slur. he called me a slur I'm guessing bc Ella kept telling him I was controlling. so I was really confused and genuinely yelled out (since he was on the other side of the room) "was that a joke" and he came over and tried to fight me.

my gf is still friends with them and it makes me really uncomfortable because if something like that happened with me I would drop them immediately because one tried to harm me and the other tried to get the other to harm me

ik I can't control her friends but it still makes me very uncomfortable. what do u think about this?

TL;DR : GF is still friends with Ella who tried to get me hurt and Bob who tried to fight me. I understand they were drunk but Ella is the one I'm mainly uncomfortable about

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ScotiaMan82 on 2024-01-13 06:40:32+00:00.

My GF of 3 years says she should be the one that decides what gifts she is given for Valentines Day, Christmas, ETC and not me. I simply said a gift is a gift. It should be something that is hand picked by ME at my discretion as a thoughtful act. She disagrees. Please let me know if I’m in the wrong as I want to do the right thing.

For context, I have never had a past female tell me this before. I always picked out something at my discretion and usually picked experiences rather than gifts. Meaning, a night out at a nice restaurant over something I can just buy online.

TL;DR! Should my GF pick her own gifts or should I be in charge of what is picked to give her?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Content-Ad6150 on 2024-01-13 06:39:58+00:00.

I (24F) started a casual relationship with someone (26M) which he later suggested we remain sexually exclusive to which I agreed. He then confessed to have stsrted having feelings for me. That he loves me but I wasn’t there yet. Atleast not willing to start feeling anything serious for him until I knew he was telling the truth. So this guy was actually an ex to one of my friends and part of the reason they broke up was because he was always texting multiple girls, exchanging nudes and videos while they were dating which he and I discussed when we became sexually exclusive and he said he had changed. So recently, I moved to a different city (quite far from him) to work and forvthe first few months we tried to see each other atleast every weekend or two weekends in a month. Eventually he stopped pushing so hard to meet up and would say “ it’s okay if you can’t come, I understand how busy you are.” With other mild changes, I decided to check his socials to see whether he was still into his old behaviours. To my shock, he was sexting about three to 5 girls at the same time with multiple nudes and videos that he asks from them. There was evidence of him having had physical sex with about 2 of them and planning to meet the other two soon. We were sexting from time to time as well to keep the intimacy going when we were apart. He had mispelt my name in his contacts and all these girls were saved with emojis. I confronted him about it two weeks later (I first blocked him out of my life for that period)

Tl;DR; When we started talking again, he said he was sorry and was now ready to settle diwn with me abd get married which I honestly do nit believe. He is begging for me to taks him back and have a serious relationship. I am not in love with him but I did like him a lot. Also the pressure to have a partner and soon get married is really catching up with me. I will be 25 end of this year.

TL;DR; I need some advice. TL;DR; Do I take him back or move on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Catgworll on 2024-01-13 05:52:39+00:00.

I (f23) have been with my boyfriend (m24) for about 6 months. It has been a rough journey and I frequently have expressed to him that it seems he likes me way more than I like him. I may be phrasing that wrong as I do certainly like him as a friend and we have become very close I just don’t love him yet and am afraid I won’t get to that point.

I have a hard time picturing him in a serious relationship context because he comes off as being very immature to me. He has never had a relationship before and I have recently been in a serious relationship that lasted about 2 years before this. It seems he doesn’t take nearly anything as seriously as I do. Everything’s kind of silly/goofy to him and I am pretty uptight most of the time. He tends to downplay issues I bring up because to him I guess they seem like no biggie. (I do however have a sense of humor I just mean I am uptight about important stuff.) I like when people are silly/goofy at the right timing.

He lives with his parents still, works a decent but low-paying job, and is not interested in pursuing any college degree or learning a trade. His plans for the future that he’s mentioned are simply inheriting his parents house and starting his own family there. He says his life goal is just to find a woman his mom likes and make her happy. To me it comes off as if he only really wants to relive his parents life and not make his own. His lifestyle now is mainly just work, smoke weed, gaming, and now spend time with me.

I am mostly on the opposite side of the coin here being in school part time and working full time. I typically don’t smoke weed since I am trying to find a better job while still being in school, but I’m not against it and have done it recreationally before. I have a decent paying job not great, but the reason I’m in school is because I don’t wanna be stuck there. I have lived on my own since I was 19. I have worked hard for the life I built and am continuing to work towards for myself.

I worry we are too different minded in our approaches to life and I will not be able to get over it. I have a hard time imagining a future together or feeling proud to be with him due to this. During my single time I always pictured myself being with someone who was either in college or had a degree. I don’t mind living with parents as long as they’re in school or working towards moving out. I mostly want someone I see as an equal or someone who’s already moved out/ working like I am. I do not want a man who lacks ambition and drive to better himself for himself. I cannot tell when to decide if this is just who he is or if he just needs time to get his shit together? I am understanding of struggling to get to where you need to be and I don’t wanna be too hard on him. I’ve had my fair amount of struggles with mental health and setbacks in school and things like that.

TL;DR should I wait for him to catch up? Relationship seems to be in different life stages and it’s a huge turn off for me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fluffy_South7203 on 2024-01-13 05:50:23+00:00.

TLDR: I need to know if this is normal in relationships and if this anxiety means anything?

My (F28) boyfriend (M30) and I have been together for two years now. He’s great - caring, kind, thoughtful, smart, and all the traits I look for. The issue arose when he said something offhand - a joke at my expense - which I didn’t take very well. It wasn’t anything egregiously disrespectful, but out of line nonetheless. I took it up with him and he said he is sorry and that it made him realise that he often does this to people close to him when he feels insecure and is projecting. And that the joke meant nothing and was stupid. It’s a bad habit that stems from his childhood. But to me, I have a hard time reconciling with this and believing his reasoning because I have always been an anxious person and one bad indication sets me off.

He feels a lot of guilt and shame about this and for a few months, he just wallowed in his guilt - he had anxiety attacks over it and would tell me all the time how bad he felt about doing it. But this only made me feel bad for being offended or bringing up the issue in the first place.

Everything else is exceptionally great. He has never mistreated me or talked down to me or gaslit or manipulated me. And he has not continued it at all ever since. But for some reason, I am unable to move on from this and find myself questioning whether he’s right for me all the time. I’m not sure if this is my gut feeling or my relationship anxiety - which I feel very strongly in almost every relationship I have in my life (romantic and platonic) due to past traumas. It makes it very hard for me to believe him when he says he loves me or anything of that sort. I do want to be with him, I feel light and happy when I’m with him but there’s a subconscious anxiety.

I’d love to hear and get a third person’s insight on what this is!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/222energy on 2024-01-13 04:34:21+00:00.

About a week or 2 ago I (26F) found out I was pregnant with my partner’s (29M) baby. We both had talked about it before and had come to a mutual decision for me to get an abortion. He told me to let me know if I needed anything.

My appointment was earlier this week, about 3 days ago. He asked beforehand if I needed a ride but since it was an early pregnancy I was getting a medication abortion so I said it was okay and it was also during the morning and he needed to be at work. I’m okay with the fact that he didn’t come, I was thinking he would be there for me later. During the ultrasound I had the doctor told me I was already having a miscarriage, for some reason this information has affected me a lot.

So later comes, I had taken my second dose and was cramping and still hadn’t heard anything. I sent him a quick text and he said sorry he was busy with something. He called and asked how I was doing, kept it brief, and then had to get to a class he was taking later. He said “we’ll hangout soon!” and that was it. I spent the whole night feeling a huge range of emotions, was in a lot of pain, bleeding a lot. At one point I lost what I believe was the entire pregnancy. It was traumatic, and I went through it all alone. I cried a lot

We spent time together the next night and he asked a few questions but not many. He’s spending all weekend with friends at a cabin and said we could hangout Sunday or Monday night. I’ll be alone this weekend again. I don’t know I feel like I’m being dramatic but i’m crushed. I thought he would be here for me without asking, but also I could be expecting too much and not communicating. Maybe he’s not realizing the weight of what i’m going through?

TLDR; I had an abortion this week and my boyfriend didn’t spend time with me and is now gone with friends all weekend. Am I asking for too much?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/justme89 on 2024-01-13 04:24:23+00:00.

Tl;dr; - Can't seem to come up with ideas that will make my girlfriend agrees with in our relationship, related to how we do things or what are we going to do. She just seems like she randomly changes her mind from one moment to the next and a lot of what we wants to do just depends on show she feels exactly in that moment.

This is one of the issues that I think we have in our relationship that I don't know how to solve. It just seems impossible to me to come up with things to do that she will also enjoy or sometimes she resists an idea initially but after I insist for a while she caves in and we decide to do what I suggested. And sometimes she enjoys it a lot but sometimes she doesn't enjoy it. But if she doesn't enjoy it, it become even harder for me to convince her of something similar or to convince her again to do it my way.

It just seems like a lose lose game. I just can't seem to understand at all what she feels like doing. I suggested a restaurant, showed her some pictures then she said she doesn't like it. Then the next day, I showed her the restaurant again, and she liked it a lot. But a day before when I showed her the same restaurant, she didn't like it. When I pointed this out to her, she said she doesn't remember me showing that restaurant.

Or another example, we decided some days to sleep separately, because sometimes we sleep a lot better if we sleep separately. In the morning, I told her that I slept really well alone but still we should sleep together during the coming weekend. She told me that we should also sleep separately one day of the weekend despite what I said. I insisted a bit that maybe we should sleep the entire weekend together but seeing that she insisted a lot, I just cave it and let her do things her own way.

But guess what happened later that day. She came to me and said that we should sleep together brought the same argument that I said during the morning. I explained to her that I also said exactly that in the morning but she denied it remembering it. This seems like a weird behavior.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/StageOk2355 on 2024-01-13 04:22:10+00:00.

I care about my girlfriend (we’ve been dating for 6 months but we made it official 3 months ago). I care for her deeply, I truly do but she can be a bit mean sometimes and I’m starting to question whether this is true or if I’m too sensitive. This one time I made a mistake about a thing that apparently should’ve been obvious and she responded by saying “wait are you serious? Are you serious? Did you not know that? Are you serious?” With the most condescending tone. This was 2 months ago a she hasn’t done anything like that since, she did seem to be in a pretty bad mood at that moment before she said this so idk, maybe I should let it go. The other thing was when we had sex for the first time. At the time I was on SSRI’s (antidepressants) so I could barely get hard if at all and had delayed orgasm. We had a time limit but I eventually told her “I think we should stop, I’m not going to finish as I’m on medication” to which she responded “I didn’t cum either” (in a slight condescending tone). As we were putting on our clothes (I can’t remember if I said something or not) but she later said “this is the first time I didn’t cum”. I APOLOGIZED (embarrassing in hindsight) but she comforted, gave me a hug, and said it was okay. She can be a sweet heart and is most of the time. She kept comforting me for the rest of the night and when I brought it up at another time, she said “yeah, erectile dysfunction is something that happens, especially if you’re on ssris” as in sympathizing. Maybe she said the hurtful stuff because she got offended and took it personally. Anyway, is this normal behaviour, like should I break up with her? This is my first relationship and everything is so new to me. So is it reasonable to resent her and want to break up (in all fairness I never spoke up nor have I brought this up)? So, should I end thing? Is this normal behaviour? And lastly, should I let these thing go, move forward, and whenever something similar happens, speak up?

TL;DR: my girlfriend belittles me once and then told me that I was the first guy she didn’t orgasm with (I was on medication and couldnt get hard not orgasm) she is very sweet and I care about her deeply, it was just these two occasions. I never spoke up though.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EastContexter on 2024-01-13 04:16:58+00:00.

I noticed something was up with my ex wife when our middle son was born. She had been in a car accident right after she had him, and honestly hasn’t been the same since. Then after our baby was a year we decided to divorce. She basically took off. She comes back every so often.

Last night the doorbell rang. There she was, asking to please stay the night. It’s cold and she has no money. Of course, I let her in and all three kids were all over her. One boy had an accident because he was so happy.

Then in the morning, we took the older boys to school. Both have teachers that are aware of what is happening at home and I know I saw a disgusted glance, which I honestly felt vindicated by.

Our three year old hung off her all day. Then when the older boys came home, the two youngest started not feeling great. So mom to the rescue acting like she’s here all of the time. Taking temperatures and giving medicine. Our oldest seems a little wary of her. Our children are a quarter Mexican through me, and she always refers to the group of boys as “Mexicans (said like messy-cans)” and it drives me insane.

I’m a wreck. I’m for sure still in love with her. I would do anything to get her to be the mother I want her to be and that I know she is capable of being. I’ve cried on and off all day… she even caught me once.

I don’t want her here, but if I kick her out into the storm I don’t know if she’ll be alive in the morning. How do I deal with this? Do I just leave them be?

Tl;dr. I can’t stand that my ex wife can be so inconsistent with seeing our kids. What do I need to do to be the better parent?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Low-Concentrate1001 on 2024-01-13 04:03:54+00:00.

Hello, over the 2 years (we are both students) we have been together my girlfriend has only given me a gift one time for my last birthday, she did a really great job but she didn't give me anything either Christmas, my first birthday or anything small in between.

For the record I got her gifts each Christmas and birthday that she really liked. I handwrote her some cards/love letters and I got her a 'boo-basket' after she hinted at it. I frequently get her little things she likes such as chocolate. She's very appreciative of all these things but doesn't get me anything.

I'm not a person who wants a lot (outside of things that are too expensive for a gift) but I would love it if she got me something to eat or something useful but cheap.

Before Christmas she told me she was going to get something for me and I was kinda hurt when she didn't.

Should I stop buying things for her, is that confrontational? Am I fool for continuing gifting? I'm not sure what to do in this situation. Obviously bring it up eventually but what to do in the mean time. How should I even bring it up, I don't want to ask for gifts straight up because that would defeat the purpose.

TLDR: I buy gifts for my girlfriend, she doesn't buy them for me. I don't know if I should stop and I don't know how to bring it up without just demanding gifts. A good gift example for me would be a chocolate bar.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Daniel_Nic on 2024-01-13 04:03:20+00:00.

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months. She wanted to wait a while to have sex which I was fine with.

So basically when we had sex the first couple of times we didn't do oral. But then the next time she said that she wanted to me to give her oral this time because apparently she can't orgasm by normal sex unless it's a follow up orgasm to one given by oral. So I told her that I will if she does for me. She point blank refused saying that it's gross. I said to her that it's completely unfair why should she get it and not me. She then got mad and shouted at me so I left.

According to my girlfriend apparently the oral is what is for her and apparently the actual sex is for me.

We haven't had proper sex since and I'm really dissapointed ad I want this area of our relationship to flourish as well. Apart from this everything else is amazing. What do you suggest I say to her to try come up with a resolution?

TLDR my girlfriend refuses to give me oral sex but then gets mad if I don't give it to her. We haven't had sex in a while due to this argument and I would like some advice on how to resolve this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ihateeveryonenoice on 2024-01-13 03:56:18+00:00.

So, I started talking to a guy on Hinge (21M) right for about 3-5 months.

In the beginning, everything was great. We talked about everything from what we wanted in a relationship. We both agreed that if we had no feelings or didn't want to continue for whatever reason it was ok- that was the main boundary I set. Literally, don't waste my time.

Here is the problem, I stopped talking to him as soon as he confessed that for about 2-3 weeks while we were talking he “technically was official” (his words not mine) and he was dating her for 2-3 weeks before she ghosted him. This was after she went to a party, got drunk and got assaulted.

He wasn't going to tell me because he thought I was going to ghost him (the dude has serious abandonment issues, which I knew about).

He said that I gave off a vibe that I didn't like him so he went off and dated other people. For context, I'm socially awkward and don't know how to flirt. The vibe was I struggled to talk to people.

He admitted everything because he felt guilty. I stopped talking to him and I ended up talking to him to gain some closure. In which, I forgave him. Not even 2 weeks later. He asked me out on a date And even introduced me to his family. He said it was his way of making amends and to prove how sorry he was.

He has deleted all dating apps and is trying to show me how he will be committed to me. However, I'm not ok with the fact he had a girlfriend- no matter how long and it is making me feel extremely insecure. I only got a chance because his girlfriend ghosted him :(

Tl;dr: I don't know what to do. Should I end this? He told me he really wants this to work out and will put in the work. I don't know if I want to.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hot_Performer801 on 2024-01-13 03:34:25+00:00.

My boyfriend (33, 3 kids) and I (32, 1 kid) met in 2021 and we had our own places. He also owns a semi finished home far from his job. He left his apt due to financial reasons in 2022 to live in the semi finished home. I would offer my home from time to time due to distance and eventually he settled in. He is now living in my home full time, and although he contributes to groceries and household essentials, he does not help out with bills and I still contribute to groceries as well. He does laundry from time to time. I just don’t feel like that is enough and I want to know if I am wrong for thinking this way.

He has a plan to get rid of his debt while living with me so that we can find a place together. He has mentioned that he would be the one to contribute a higher amount once that happens. But I have my own debt that I have to worry about as well. How can I approach this conversation?

TL;DR How to approach boyfriend living rent free in my apt.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Agile-Medicine5748 on 2024-01-13 03:32:08+00:00.

TLDR: it’s been almost 2 years, we live together, he’s made promises about the future, but the timeline still keeps getting delayed.

So this all started a few months after we got together. I was looking for a place in the city to be closer to work and he offered to chip in for some of the rent - a small amount but I agreed as we felt it’s better for me to be there so we can see each other easier (we lived quite far apart). We never talked about moving in together and I even told him that I wanted to wait for us to get married before we moved in officially. He said okay and told me it’s a temporary arrangement anyways as he wanted to get married in a year. Of course that gave me a lot of hope.

But within a month, he kind of slowly started moving himself in. I didn’t say anything at first as he’d stay a day or two as it’s also closer to his work. Eventually he moved in completely and we made decisions about the house together. I love him of course and I enjoyed it but I wanted there to be some assurance of the future. And he would never bring up future plans.

When I asked him about the future & suggested we plan and that I wanted to be with him, he’d get upset and said he’s not ready to talk about it because of finances. A valid point but I told him I wasn’t comfortable with us just living together indefinitely. So he gave me a timeline. And so I waited. And in between I dealt with the discomfort, a case of infidelity on his end that we’ve now worked through, and the timeline has passed.

When I brought this up, he gave me another timeline. That timeline has also passed. I told him this again and how I feel used and my impatience is growing because he never wants to talk about the future unless I bring it up.

He does say things like what our kids will be like, what he wants our future house to look like, I’ve met his friends & family, he’s met mine, my sister has asked him when he & I are getting married and he’s given her a timeline. He says things like you’re the one and I’m saving up for us.

It’s like all the right answers are there expect there’s no action. It’s almost an avoidance of the topic.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RitzPrime on 2024-01-12 20:26:01+00:00.

I met a friend through here (reddit). We started to talk through reddit chat - I even installed the reddit app that I dislike so much to talk while I had the laptop turned off. Now, I want to be extremely clear that neither of us wanted more than a friendship. She was happy with her boyfriend and while I was single (still am), I don't pursue a relationship right now since there are other aspects in my life that I want to focus on for now.

She told me she had autism (diagnosed) and that she suspected that I have it as well (of course, I need to get a proper professional diagnosis). Still, she noticed things in me like her and we often joked how we were a clone of the other. I made her laugh and she made me laugh. She had similar experiences in some aspects of life, but also differences - the biggest one, political - and while she admitted that it was hard for her to be a friend of someone who didn't think like her, she made an actual effort to talk to me about that. We managed keep talking since mid november until late december, and I mean a lot. She kept me company during a lone business trip that I had weeks ago and I also made sure to make her feel accompanied if she needed someone to talk to.

Late decemeber she starts to log in less and less and talk less and less. She tells me she is busy with work and I understand. We keep chatting but with longer pauses (mostly from her, I tend to answer as soon as possible due to respect) until 1st of january she tells me that she is going to be really busy, she is not going to be here so often and she wishes me success in my new year. I answer a bit later that day and say her the same, that I want her to achieve her goals. I uninstall the reddit app (that I again must say, I despise) and dont browse reddit for a lot of days (she became the only reason I was here almost daily).

Last weekend I log in and see a message from her from the very next day (2nd). She asks me about my day. I answer right away, but I get no answer during the weekend. Monday morning I check her profile and I get a 'not found' message. For a moment I believe that she deleted her profile, but then I googled and I came to the conclusion that she blocked me. I browse her profile in incognito mode and I notice that she is active commenting even to this day.

It breaks my heart this situation because I'm very bad making friends and I thought she could become a very close friend even if we never met, since she understood how I felt a lot of time and even kept me company while I had a business trip alone a few weeks ago. She also made me laugh and I'm sure I made her laugh. Now I cannot even ask her the truth. I realize that she might see this thread if she lurks my profile, but I don't really care about that. I just want to know what I did wrong and why she left me =(

tl;dr - Friend blocked me here on reddit for no apparent reason.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sickandtiredofmen on 2024-01-12 20:22:11+00:00.

This is a throw away account... So I basically found out that my man has been commenting on girl's nude photos and videos. He's very explicit about it and it shook me to my core, because I had so much respect for him.

I'd talk so good of him to friends and family that I'm embarrassed because I have said things like "he is what every man should be," or "men should make him an example of how a real man should be" I feel so fucking stupid! I confronted him last night.

We ended up talking all night because he wouldn't let me talk to him when I was ready. I got zero sleep and feel like shit right now. I laid it all out there while we were dating that I am not playing those stupid games, I'm too old and have been through far too much to deal with unfaithful a$$holes.

He seemed so genuine and in love with me. Our story could have been a cute story, until the reality of it is uncovered. I also feel stupid because we have a toddler together, and I was so sure of him that I got his name tattooed on my wrist. But he also got mine on his as well... I told him I needed time and that I was going away to stay with my parents and taking our kid with me.

He called out from work so he could basically stop me from leaving. I've been stuck with him all damn day feeling awkward. He admits what he did was wrong, he says that the only thing that matters in his life are me and our kid. But I don't trust him. I've seen those patterns in men too many times to count. I want to leave for a good amount of time and might just do so when he goes back to work.

He knows I have bad PTSD and anxiety/narcissistic abuse victim traits that I've had to go to years of therapy for. I've been opened and honest with him from the very start. So I'm hurt he would be looking for these random online wh*re$ attention. He shot me down for sex twice, but last night he was saying he would never say no to me. It all makes sense to me now.... I only found his reddit that he was using for porn. I don't even know what else he's been up to.

Last night he spent time deleting things on his phone, I'm sure he was trying to cover his tracks. I respected him and never not once felt I had to look through his phone. I found his dumbass reddit because he left it out in the open for me to find, given the fact he was following me on another account from that user name. I saw stories on here of women finding the comments section on their man's reddits and seeing that they had been unfaithful.

So I decided to do so and check things out for myself. I knew he was too good to be true. I didn't want to believe something was off about him. There is so much more to the back story of all of this about how I warned him from the start about doing stuff like this, but it's a lot more I'd have to type.

He's in the living room with our toddler right now, I'm in the bedroom. Just laying here sleep deprived, wondering what I'm going to do next. I wanted our toddler to grow up with both parents, I was down for the whole family thing. But I'm not now. I want to be independent from him and take care of my kid without his help. I know I am missing out some good details, but if there are any questions please feel free to ask. I'd just like to know what a normal minded woman would do in this situation.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/IcyPersonality1322 on 2024-01-12 20:17:04+00:00.

I need advice on what to do. So I got with a girl we were together for 1 and a half year but since the very beginning of the relationship i was technically cheating by talking to this one girl during our entire relationship. I then got caught as they both reached out to each other and it got rlly messy. I still only had feelings for her and wanted to be w her and we did get back together only for me to find out she was cheating within the two months and got Physical with another guy. She said she only did it because she thought i didn't love her. I initially wanted to leave her but it's hard and I don't know what to do.

TL:DR: I cheated first she cheated physically she wants to get back together i want to but i can’t get it out of my head

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/IamTheJoneses on 2024-01-12 20:13:18+00:00.

They turned out to be not very nice and snubbed their nose at the thought of my daughter who is adopted "tainting" their bloodline if they were to ever get married. I liked them all before I found that out. I'm non confrontational and I'm actually very happy that they decided to break it off. I don't want them to get back together and I don't want to be friends with this kids mom anymore, but I just don't know how to go about it since she texted me saying that she's so sorry it didn't work out and was hoping that we could still be friends. I'll probably still run into them occasionally, but I don't want to stress about it. Could someone please help me?

TL/DR: daughters boyfriend's mom wants to still be friends after split, I don't want to be friends with her anymore but I don't want to be mean especially since I'll still see them occasionally at social events.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/poochie_pup88 on 2024-01-12 20:04:22+00:00.

Seems like a simple issue, but it really divided us to what is "acceptable" behavior? (We are LTR)

One of us shares all food, snacks, etc, and has no issue doing so - even if only a bite left.

The other one of us shares "no food" Now I do not mean if they have one bite left. I mean if they have a bag of chips, popped some popcorn, have a bag of candy. "It is theirs". End of story.

The logic is - they got exactly the amount they want, and they do not have extra. Thus it is theirs.

The other person says - there are two of us. We know the other person may want "a bite" so why wouldn't that be taken into consideration?

The fun part is the person that does NOT share has no issue helping themselves to the others food?

Interested in your opinions - lots more questions to come. :)

TLDR One person shares no food - other shares all

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Odd_Foundation_4804 on 2024-01-12 19:49:09+00:00.

I (f21) and my partner (m28) have been together for three years. In those three years, I have been made to feel worthless, annoying, stupid, needy, crazy etc. I’m so tired. Down to my bones tired. I’ve tried everything to be happy with him and to make him happy but I am losing. I walk of eggshells constantly bc he just gets so mean to me when I do or don’t do something tht effects his convenience. Ik what kind of relationship I’m in but I feel so hopeless. I’m used as a maid, a cook, a nanny, a flesh light ect. We haven’t had sex in about 4 days bc I just can’t and I know it’s gonna backfire on me but I can’t. I’m just venting bc I feel so so tired and worn down and hurt and powerless.

TD;LR: my(f21) relationship with my partner(m28) sucks and I’m beyond my breaking point. Even therapy isn’t helping and I am struggling so bad.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/peregrintkanin on 2024-01-12 19:47:48+00:00.

ADHD fucked my entire life and only at the age of 25 I got the diagnosis and started treating and yet I realize that there is so much I need to solve and so much emotional fatigue that I simply don't have the strength to spend years and years in therapy waiting to get better. Seriously, I know I can't.

I've always had super traumatic events in my life like: sexual and physical abuse, humiliation because of my color, my weight and my hair. No one ever paid real attention to me, since I am a man and men have to deal with problems alone, I was always rejected socially, I was humiliated by low grades and dropouts. In short, all that cocktail of problems that someone can suffer.

From what I'm noticing, people take ADHD much less seriously than they should. ADHD has destroyed my life: destroyed my possibility of succeeding in a career, destroyed my friendships, destroyed my relationship with my parents, destroyed my financial situation, destroyed my emotional life and is destroying my love life.

I really can't take it anymore, I don't have any strength left to fight rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). I understand that many don't see this as real, but it's so absurdly real to me that it's bizarre to think that there aren't enough studies on it yet.

I've been on antidepressants for years, I've been in therapy for years, I've been treated with ketamine, I've used all kinds of psychedelics, I took Ritalin and Venvanse, and yet I keep getting worse day by day. I'm fucking losing my mind with the amount of disgrace that is upon me.

My marriage is broken, she's being super cold and rude, picking fights over everything and not caring how much it hurts me. She has a lot of problems too (apparently it's borderline and also have autism) and the worst of all is that she doesn't want to deal with it, she always thinks that I'm the one who makes a mistake with her and not her with me. Yet, I'm so afraid of ending the marriage, so afraid.

The fact is that it is no longer possible to resolve the relationship, it is already extremely worn out (the fights got serious to the point where we physically assaulted each other, but nothing as serious as apparent) and unfortunately I can't in any way end it because I'm too afraid of what might come next and I always remember how beautiful everything was in the beginning and how much I miss it.

My fear is being alone, fear of rejection, fear of becoming depressed again to the point where I can't even get out of bed and end up thinking about ending everything.

I know myself well enough to know that two years alone is enough for me to fall into a deep depression. So what? Will I meet someone else and dedicate myself less and less because I can no longer feel everything I felt before? Will I keep getting worse and worse with my mental health? Will I spend years trying to overcome it, remembering only the good times and always blaming myself? Damn, it took me 8 years to forget my last love, the amount of pain it brought me is not normal. My current relationship is much more serious than the previous one.

When I met my wife she was very loving, very friendly and funny. The problem is that she remembers the small mistakes of three years ago as if they were current mistakes and always gets explosive with me like if they were really big mistakes.

Small mistakes, like a disagreement about a topic that ended in a fight because I was tired, or when I didn't help her on a sad day (the only day I didn't help because I was too busy, every other day I took care of everything for her and helped her with everything), or when I got on a call with a friend from college asking for help with a homework and she got sick with jealousy because of it (I've never even had a proper face-to-face conversation with this woman).

On the other hand, there was a day when I was so bad that I thought (and began to make the thought come true) about ending my life and sent her a message talking about everything, asking her to come home to help me, she didn't want to come home and only came back hours later (detail that she wasn't busy with anything important). What stopped me was the fright I got for her not having helped me, at the time I started to realize how I was dedicating myself much more than her.

Months later she told me she didn't come home because she knew I wouldn't do anything. Look, I've been hospitalized in the past because of this. My grandfather was buried years ago by suicide. Depression is very recurrent in my family and in me it is even more intense. Ever since I was little, I've been trying and I've never been brave enough. The only time I had the courage I ended up in the hospital and they managed to save me.

Sometimes the impression is that she is a professional self-saboteur and always wants to screw up her own life. She always gives up everything when any difficulty arises, she has no persistence for anything at all. I need to carry my life and her life on my back and I'm so tired of it, so tired.

So, I need to ask.

Is it possible to live alone with super severe ADHD, depression, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria? Does anyone here live alone because of these same problems and has managed to live well? Please, I urgently need hope, my life is on a tightrope.

TL;DR: I have serious rejection issues due to ADHD and my wife is not helping me at all with this. I'm afraid I won't get over it when I end the marriage and end up attempting suicide again. So, has anyone here ever decided to live alone because can't live with other people's problems?