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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Noname_McNoface on 2023-10-07 07:46:17.

She had to take a night job after my dad died, and the first time she introduced me to one of her coworkers, he said, “so I guess I’m gonna be your new stepdad hahaha.” I know it was a joke but WTF. This woman is grieving her husband, I’m grieving my dad, and the dude thought that was in good taste? Then she told me the other night that a week ago one of her clients asked her out but that she’s done with men for the rest of her life. Considering she has cancer (albeit with a good prognosis), and if they knew, they’d go running for the hills; good for her. In addition, as much as I loved my late stepdad while he was alive, he financially abused her, unbeknownst to us. We didn’t find out until after he died that he stole her identity and took out 13 credit cards in her name without her knowledge. THIRTEEN. She was married to him for 23 years and bore two of his sons. I don’t want to resent him but I can’t help it.

Poor woman got fucked over. But as exhausted as she is these days, she says she’s relieved to finally stand on her own two feet. I’m proud of her.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/pandaexpresschef on 2023-10-07 06:22:42.

At the start of our relationship, my boyfriend and I went out on a date every week. After a few months it started happening less. I told him how important dates were to me and how happy they made me.

We still don’t go out as often. Last week, he told me he couldn’t afford a date. I told him it was fine, and that I’d just pay for it. I also gave him $50 on top of that for gas and groceries.

This week, he promised he’d pay for the date. I was so excited. I waited all week. It was all planned out. We were supposed to go see a movie I’ve been wanting to see for months that just came out today and then he was going to sleep over. He doesn’t work Fridays, but I work until 3. He told me he’d come get me at 4 or 5.

At 5:30 he texted me saying he has no gas money and he wasn’t coming, and we weren’t going to go out.

I know I could’ve just sent him money and paid for the date but at this point I only have $100 left until I get paid and it can’t all go to him. This also isn’t the first time he’s canceled on me at the last minute.

I’m kind of tired of it. I don’t know what do to.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/bluebetch on 2023-10-07 02:12:51.

I had a miscarriage and took a few days off of work. I returned back to the office today but was feeling mentally and physically overwhelmed. I ended up leaving the office early and was going to inform my manager but he was unavailable to speak in person. I ended up quickly sending him a message explaining why I had taken sick time (miscarriage) and explaining I was still dealing with it physically and mentally. I know miscarriages aren’t openly talked about in the workplace and I feel as though I may have made things weird. He sent his apologies and informed me the company offers employee assistance program services if I needed it. I can’t help but shake the feeling that I may have sounded unhinged or breaking social rules

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Salsadancinginikea on 2023-10-07 03:42:57.

So a large variety of reddit males believe that opening up to a woman is dangerous because it will inevitably lead to their vulnerability being used against them.

Fair enough, I'm not here to discredit their experiences.

My question is why don't they just talk to their male friends then? If women are a no-go why would you open up to them and not your male friends? Why not just talk to other men?

I saw one user say "I don't want to burden them, they probably have their own stuff going on" and women don't? Please talk to EACH OTHER.

Sorry, the number of times men/exes have turned a conversation where they've done something wrong into a trauma dump to explain/absolve their behaviour has left me with a short fuse.

"The reason I shit on the floor and spread my fecal matter around on the walls, I don't feel like I'm worth anything unless I produce something or succeed at something, I'm scared of commitment because deep down I feel like I'm not a good person, my dad left when I was 6 and my mom yelled a lot growing up, I don't feel like she's ever proud of me, I'm addicted to porn, and and and"

???

And then I have to sit there and listen so I don't come across an asshole? Oh, you spread shit on MY walls but now I have to comfort YOU?

I'm not looking for a life-history. I'm looking for an apology and an eloquent explanation for how you will go about not repeating the same behaviour. I'm not Dr. Phil lmao. Sorry, I will direct you to a therapist. I pay for one, you can too.

Go call your homie bro.

Anyway, I'll just leave this here:

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/katawwaa on 2023-10-07 02:31:41.

Hi everyone! I'm new here... Just wanted to share the most humiliating date story ever lol. If you could call it a date... I'll try to keep the story as short as I can.

I (23F) met a guy (23M) super recently and we hit it off immediately. Our vibes, interests, and personalities clicked. I am normally an extremely meticulous, thoughtful person and I don't do ANYTHING crazy. This guy brought out the 16 y/o in me and I take 100% full responsibility for this date and only blame myself for making a series of the most idiotic decisions I think I have ever made before.

Our first date was at my apartment and he ended up staying over and it ended up getting pretty nsfw. I am a virgin & did not want to have sex, and he was really sweet and didn't try to take things farther than I was okay with, which was really nice. The whole thing was really new and weird for me, but whatever. A few days later, he asks me to go on a trip to Louisiana with him (he and his friends were going to sports bet). He mentioned that he'd "take care of me" and that "I wouldn't be paying for anything". I kept insisting that I didn't want to ruin the boys trip (and I also barely knew him so I was on the fence) but he ended up convincing me, and I agreed to go.

He came over the night before and we were going to order food delivery. He suggested we split the cost of it? I found this weird because of the way he's previously mentioned he's going to give me the princess treatment. I also don't like splitting tips bc it feels really impersonal, and I really was interested in this guy so far (I'd much rather just take turns and not keep track of splitting and stuff). I offered to pay for the whole thing, besides he said he'd cover the trip tomorrow (I assumed would include lunch, dinner, maybe some blackjack or something???)

We stop at a Buckee's for breakfast. I bought my own burrito and water while he stayed in the car and asked if he wanted anything (he said no). I came back and he ate half of my burrito (that I paid for). We got to the casino and he and his 2 friends went to go sports bet and he said something along the lines of "Oh shit, I forgot to bring cash". I awkwardly suggested withdrawing some from one of the 600 nearby ATM's in the casino. He complained that the withdrawal fee was super expensive probably. He asked me if I brought any cash and I was super, super uncomfortable and said that I only have $50 and it's my emergency cash. He begged me for it and said he would zelle me so being the anxious person I am, I agreed and gave it to him.

He ended up asking one of his friends if he'd go 25-25 (on my 50) on the sports bet with him lol... He did not zelle me. Hours later, they actually ended up winning that bet for $300. They split $150 each and I expected him to immediately give me my $50 back. Nope. He and his friend pocket $150 and pretend I'm not even there.

After the games are over, he proceeds to go play blackjack with the money he just won. I don't even play because I don't have any cash and at that point, I am super anxious and scared and uncomfortable being in a city with a bunch of strangers who basically just stole my money. He loses all of the money he wins playing blackjack.

BTW- we did not have lunch. They were too busy watching the sports games and I was feeling nauseous and sick for hours (at one point I literally went upstairs to an empty floor and cried and took medicine and tried to calm down because I was freaking out and having a panic attack because I wanted to go home so bad)

But- we did have dinner. I'm such a lucky girl, he treated me to whataburger after this shit show of a day. <3 (and proceeded to inhale all of my french fries after not ordering food himself). I went back and bought extra fries with my card. Finally, when it was just him and I alone, I came up with the courage to ask him to zelle me my $50 and he said he'd give it to me when he got paid at the end of the week

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/hdawnj on 2023-10-07 01:23:57.

So I went on Bumble about 3 weeks ago. Met one older man who turned out to be an ass but nothing else for men my age in my area.

I kept getting these matches with this young (23) guy. I'm assuming he would continue to make new profiles or something and he said he was 63. (I don't know how it works, really). I knew he wasn't 63 (I'm 62) but being bored I asked him what his story was. He said he liked older women as it is "less complicated". I just laughed an told him my erogenous zone was between my ears. He said okay. That was that.

Then I got a little curious and changed the age on my search and there were over 50 young men who, I assume, want to hook up. Or do they want me to buy them dinner and drive them around in my car?

It's odd, my profile is pretty regular. I am a regular person that dresses pretty conservatively. There is absolutely nothing that would indicate that I'm looking to hook up.

This whole online dating is a big mystery. I'm totally out of my element.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Royvu on 2023-10-06 19:31:30.

My fiancé has a certain mental condition in the brain. We were engaged before but broke it off when I wanted to transition (ftm). A few years later we reconnected and are engaged again. His mental state seems to have deteriorated more. He does not bathe so much anymore, change clothing or eat properly without my help. Having known him so long I did not mind caring for him in his falling state. Normally people with his condition do not even live this long. The issues I have been having is him occasionally yelling at me when I get anxious. “PANIC!” he yells and thinks it is funny. I mean I can stress over small things and this does not help. He has also gotten worse when I demand he bathes he will occasionally reach out and scratch at me. It has left marks and he later blamed it on the cat. He might not actually remember doing it. I tried to get him up the other day and he hit me with a pillow which injured my already tender ear piercing. (Those can hurt like a mofo). It later came out and swelled shut over night so now I am down a piercing which upsets me since I have been working towards a setup. He is not careful around my piercings at all.

I don’t know what to do. I think I should get him checked into the Hospital for these mental issues. I have been staying with my dad more and moved a lot of my stuff over.

Edit: I have known him since I was 17. He can not take care of himself to the point that he would die without me or someone to care for him so I can not just leave. We have good moments too, he is just getting worse lately. Wanted to share my story to feel less alone, not just for advice.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/whoinvitedthesepeopl on 2023-10-06 23:49:38.

While this isn't universal it sure has become the theme of my life lately.

The 30-something dudes that run the service desk at the car dealership always act like I am inconveniencing them and can't bother to listen to me long enough to get service orders right. The day the woman that runs the parts department was covering the service desk, in one afternoon she resolve multiple problems with my account, sorted out a question from the dealership in another city and fixed the service order that kept coming up completely wrong that the two dudes couldn't be bothered to do anything about. The only day I have gotten stellar service even though I throw money at this place when my car needs work.

I finalized my divorce earlier in the year and have spent months trying to get my ex husband off of my insurance policies and account. I had to deal with this regional office that seemed to be exclusively staffed by 30-something bros that didn't want to let me remove my ex-husband, threw up red tape and refused to give me any options, then sent me on a 4 month wild goose chase for documentation that they refused to accept when I submitted it. Both were very much "you can never remove your ex husband from your account under any circumstances so live with it". It was all incredibly unprofessional and weird.

I finally got fed up and starting looking for insurance elsewhere with the intent of forcing the policies to either cancel for non payment or refusing to renew them when they ended so there would at least be no active policies. But my ex husband would still be on the account, could open things in that joint account and make me responsible for them.

I get a call from the woman who is technically my account rep and doesn't work in the regional office of bros. I explain to her why this is a total nightmare, that asking my exhusband to do anything could result in making everything worse, him trying to file claims or open things in my name. She understood and cooperated with what options could be used to eventually get me out of this policy and out of the account. She resolved all of this in about 2 hours between calling me and following up by email.

The same with my banker, my new veterinarian and a few other places. I seem to get incredible service and useful information when I am dealing with women professionals for the most part (of course there are a few exceptions) and absolutely horrible treatment when it is these 30-ish dudes.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/StepExciting5924 on 2023-10-07 01:41:08.

Sorry in advance for the lengthy post. Trying to give as much detail as I can.

Typing this about 30 min after he left. So I (32F) asked him (44M) to download the Amazon kindle app because I know you can loan books to people on there or whatever. Anyway, I’ve been doing research to see if I’m being unreasonable about wanting to reach orgasm more often when we’re intimate, and in other ways than just oral. I’ve tried talking to him about this before…explained that more foreplay would be nice to get me more aroused and excited, oral before penetration and then taking penetration a little more slowly and patiently might help, etc. but the point is I’ve been very open about what would work for me/ us. He’s said he understands but hasn’t implemented any changes and it’s been a couple of months since the last conversation about this. He frequently complains about the amount of time it usually takes me to orgasm from oral, thus the information I gave him about foreplay. I’m on antidepressants so sometimes it can take a bit but I’m also in my head a lot during bc I know he’s not thrilled about doing it anyway. I usually give him oral when he wants and I’ve adjusted to how he’s told me he likes it…but I have stopped doing this as much lately bc I’m so frustrated with him. Anyway, I sent him this book I found while researching called “she comes first”, which based on the reviews and description talks about how to improve oral sex for your female partner and also talks about things like female arousal and how there’s phases and each one is important, stuff like that. I thought this would be helpful since our talks haven’t helped. I was thinking maybe he’s just not comfortable having a deeper conversation so he can read about it from another man’s perspective. He opened the book and went in the restroom and came out about 10 min later being very cold and distant. I asked him what was going on and he says “wouldn’t you have an issue if I sent you a cookbook” 😂 I told him the two aren’t the same but I wouldn’t have an issue and in fact I would ask if he wanted something specific from the book. He didn’t like that response and blew up on me, walked away to go put on clothes and left the house saying “I’m going out”. When I asked where he ignored me and slammed the door. He ignored my calls so I stopped calling.

What the heck?!!? Is something wrong with my approach? Am I being selfish or unrealistic? For the record, we have sex at least every other day and he finishes every time. I’m honestly just looking for advice or something bc I don’t get why he’s mad or how to better approach this subject with him.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Reasonable-Degree472 on 2023-10-07 00:15:20.

And suddenly I realized the degree of how some of these people from my past, again especially men (one particular one always comes to mind) were looking down on me. I started doing this sort of as a mental practice for all conflict situation I find myself in. Whenever I feel I’m being disrespected by a man, instead of focusing on how it’s received and trying to mentally make sense of it from my own point of view (which is usually where we mess up a lot by giving them the benefit of the doubt cause our brains are just naturally inclined to operate that way for whatever reason), I really try to imagine in as much detail as possible on what kind of state of mind I would have to be in to do that thing to another person. Suddenly it’s clear as day how I’m being perceived by them and it makes me deeply uncomfortable. And I guess that’s a good thing cause it’s self preservation kicking in.

Anyway, the point is, it’s not until I started thinking in this way that I realized how most of men in our every day lives look at women through a lense of total contempt. It’s so common that many of them speak to us so patronizingly and condescendingly in society that it’s almost as if we’re desensitized to it. But I recommend you start doing that, start imagining how you have to view a person in your mind when you talk down to them, to make snarky remarks, to talk to them like their stupid. It makes sense that men react violently when their advances are rejected. Because how dare something that he perceives to be beneath him have the audacity to deny him? How dare you not allow him to use you and abuse you? The only one thing you’re good for in his eyes? Don’t you know your place? Realize how lowly men view you when they tell you to go make him a sandwich. Like your not even human. And we accept these things as jokes cause they just relentlessly exhaust and make fun of us further if we don’t.

When you think of it in this way you also realize that when people are mistreating you they know exactly what they’re doing. No matter how hard they try to gaslight and deny it when confronted, just to get out of being accused, they always know exactly what they’re doing. You never speak to someone out of a place of frustration and contempt “on accident” without realizing it if you really think about it. You ALWAYS know exactly what you’re doing when you talk to people in a negative way even if it’s super subtle. But men will always deny it and get defensive, and play stupid when confronted. Like of course, this is who abusive people are. Anyway this is sort of a random rant I wanted to share, hopefully maybe it helps someone in a situation where you’re being gaslit and manipulated. Always put yourself in their shoes when in doubt and you’ll see a lot more clearly.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/nefariousaquariuss on 2023-10-07 00:22:04.

Purely vent bc I’m still pretty shaken up.

My back deck is on a third story and overlooks a number of other houses and yards. was out there earlier this afternoon and heard a voice that sounded like maybe it was directed at me. Literally just glanced over and noticed a young guy in a back lot a house or two over who it looked like was staring back at me. I’m looking at him trying to figure out if he’s looking at ME (he was far enough away that it was kinda hard to tell) and he hits me with a very hostile “What are you looking at?”

I kinda laughed, said “Sorry,” and went back to my phone. He goes back to what he was doing (fixing a car I think) but is now loudly telling someone else “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to someone else. One of the ‘new arrivals.’” (this is a historically majority Hispanic though overall very diverse neighborhood and I am white, full disclosure.) “Who thinks they’re in a movie, with a forcefield around them, who likes to hide behind trees” (there was a tree between us lol) “and watch people.”

I ended up glancing over again bc i still kinda couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening, and he once again saw me looking and said “Yeah that’s right, I’m talking to you, the ugly one.” He sounded so fucking angry and mean.

At this point I did call back “I wasn’t staring at you buddy, i’m just hanging out” to which his response was “shut up” and “nobody believes you” :/ i ended up staying out there for an extra 5-10 minutes out of sheer stubbornness but eventually went back in. and spent the rest of my afternoon feeling like shit and sick to my stomach

Posting this here bc I hope some other women can relate to how scary and upsetting it is to be yelled at and insulted by a strange man for no good reason. (I do think there’s a good chance this guy is mentally ill, but that’s not even a sure thing, is the fucked up part.) And also to admit that even though on paper I know just glancing into another yard isn’t a crime, it’s amazing how some part of me still feels ashamed and like a bad person who had this coming. Female socialization is a hell of a drug. And my final point is that (as I’ve said on here before) I wish there were more conversations about the types of harassment that women face for being UNdesirable to men, as well as for being desirable.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/PersephoneGraves on 2023-10-06 23:55:38.

I started talking with guy who talked about wanting a long term relationship and marriage and all that. He lives about 2 hours from me, and he’s been talking about coming over to my apartment aaand like staying the night and stuff.

For me, I’m not comfortable having a guy over I barely knew even if he seems really great because I want to be safe, and I thought this was something most women weren’t comfortable doing when it comes to dating?

Anyway, I told him how I’d normally go on a couple of dates or so before feeling comfortable having a man over. Since he’s pretty far, I asked if we can do more FaceTime dates since it’s kind of like meeting in person. He said that was ok, but then I was worried he was not happy with me, but he didn’t say anything otherwise.

it’s 3 pm now, and I haven’t heard anything from him. We’ve been texting a lot each day and so it’s very unusual. He could be very busy, but a part of me worries he was lying to me all this time and just wanted to hook up with me rather than form a close relationship.

Was my request reasonable? And do you think I should just wait to hear back from him? Thanks. ☹️

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Fincann on 2023-10-06 22:17:19.

This female traveler made a video about places she felt unsafe in. Here are some comments.

“Get married and have your man protect you. No fear anymore.”

“YOUR EXPERIENCE ARE NOT PEOPLE EXPERIENCE… STUPID VIEO”

“Shoulda stayed home and raised a family instead”

“I have zero sympathy for women who travel to Morocco, Egypt, and etc, then they bitch about how unsafe it was. It’s all for attention.”

…

“Forget to breathe”

And many more. I feel so disappointed. YouTube is full of incels.

Side note: I received a warning and had my comment removed after telling an angry incel to nicely fuck off. This is ridiculous.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Mint_JewLips on 2023-10-06 18:46:20.

I work in tech, so I am no stranger to being singled out or being talked over/ignored when I have something to contribute. I've gotten in the habit of telling my co-workers, majority men, to let me finish what I am saying. Some of my co-workers are polite about it and realize they were cutting me off and apologize, but one co-worker has always been put off by this. Like... okay lol. Sorry that I can come up with a solution.

Main thing is they get so stun locked on making a decision and often when I think of a solution, they suddenly realize where I am going with it and try to then cut me off to say the thing I was obviously about to say. Anyway, that one co-worker had enough of me being able to speak for 3% of the time and sent me an email.

He said that he isn't appreciative of my "unprofessional" behavior and that it is very "unbecoming of a young lady" to be "aggressive". Let me remind you that this is about me not letting people cut me off over a video call lol. He goes on to tell me that I need to recognize that there are experienced coders in the calls and that I would do better to listen more. The thing is, I barely talk. Most of the time it's because everyone is stuck on a problem that I happen to have an idea on.

He just couldn't handle it. Anyways, I didn't reply and just sent the email to HR. We will see how that goes. I know HR gives two shits about me, but if this continues I will probably make a formal complaint elsewhere, which is what I stated in the email.

Protip: If you want HR to do something, don't expect them to do it for your sake. Threaten an EEOC complaint and all of a sudden they become polite and responsive.

And add in context. I have been harassed by male co-workers before. I tried the whole "talk to them first" thing and all it did was lead to him trying to start rumors to mess with my reputation. So, I am over trying to be human to people who treat me less than.

Just a constant reminder that just existing and contributing in regular life is a threat to men, especially older men in my experience. If I had a nickle for every time I was called "young lady" in a condescending way, well then I wouldn't be doing an entry level coder job, I can tell you that much lol.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Infamous_Smile_386 on 2023-10-06 20:00:28.

A recent study found that is is the lack of early promotions that limits women's ability to break the glass ceiling.

For me, this is the story of my life. This has happened for me now at two companies. I'm identified as a high performer, given high priority assignments and visibility, directly talked to about future promotions and leadership positions, and then... nothing. In the meantime, my male colleagues are promoted and advance just fine.

I suspect this has to do with the ingrained behavior of hiring/promoting men based on their potential and women on this long-term, consistent performance. Unfortunately, it is difficult to demonstrate higher leadership ability if you are not in a role to even try.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/FermentedFruit on 2023-10-06 17:52:19.

Posting here because I’d like the opinion of other women that may feel the same way, or from gay/bisexual men that have been on the other side of this.

I’m a woman, attracted to men, and also have a pattern of being attracted to gay men.

My first ever boyfriend, when I was 12, was my gay best friend. We never did anything other than hang out platonically, and he was clear with me that he is gay, but I loved him.

I have since had more crushes on gay men, and have dated men that say that they’re straight, but then later it comes out that they are at the least bisexual and at the most, a gay victim of comphet

(compulsive heterosexuality - because the societal default is hetero, it can be difficult, challenging, scary for men to explore that they may not be hetero, and so they fall into relationships with women just because that’s the default expectation of them).

I have been more than one gay-identified man’s first girlfriend - and have not always been the one to initiate that relationship.

I don’t feel attracted to women - I haven’t ever seen a woman and felt sexual attraction to her, but I do find some masculine presenting women attractive and would consider dating them, but haven’t put any energy towards exploring that, and haven’t been approached by anyone that I share mutual attraction with.

I’m also attracted to blue collar and blue collar adjacent men - big, capable, men that get their hands dirty and know how to build/fix things. Makes me melt.

I’ve also dated men that my friends would ask me if they were gay, because of their mannerisms and how they carried themselves, but self identified as straight.

So - what am I? Am I queer? It doesn’t feel so because I am a woman, attracted to men/masculinity, but I don’t know why I also am so attracted to queer men, even closeted ones!!

Thank you to everyone that has (or will) shared their insight! Here are some of my favorite comments, in case anyone else questioning the same about themselves finds this!

I've had several crushes on gay men before. Upon reflection it was because I felt safe around them. Some of them were genuinely great guys over all, but the big factor for my attraction came down to feeling safe in their presence.

Gay men are some of the few men that treat women like whole human beings. A lot of women love m/m stories and fanfiction so much because misogyny is so built into heterosexual romance that this is the closest women can come to a story where the partners are equal.

You like men that have basic hygiene, see you as a person, and are nice to you. It’s a condemnation of men as a class that it’s so rare to see from heterosexual men.

After reading your comment, it just struck me that many straight men are consciously or unconsciously waiting for a woman to come along and do all the traditional feminine things like cooking and cleaning, whereas gay men are more likely to learn to do all the traditionally feminine things themselves since they aren’t expecting a woman to fill that role. Lesbians are the same in that they are more likely to learn how to do traditionally masculine things like home/car repairs since they aren’t expecting a man to come along and fulfill that role.

I'm bisexual, but for me, I found a lot of what was causing me to feel attraction to (even not-out) gay men was that I like being treated like a person, and not like a sexual object.

I found that the straight men who were interested in me but I didn't reciprocate that feeling, they were very obviously into me, despite not really knowing me very well. It felt like they didn't like me, they had a woman in their head that they liked, and they were projecting that on me because they wanted me to fill that role.

And then there were straight men who were hot, but didn't find me attractive. So they ignored me entirely. Had no use for me.

And then there was the small subset of men who got along with me, who seemed to enjoy interacting with me, but who weren't immediately trying to get me to come home with them upon meeting me. It felt like they got who I was and wanted to be my friend, and also they were attractive. And that's what I wanted. And there were definitely straight men like that, who I had great relationships with. But I also ran into a couple of gay dudes in there too.

Is it just gay men in general, like a wide variety of men that happen to share a common trait of being gay? Or are the gay men you’re attracted to of a similar body type or aesthetic?

If the former, it’s something in their personality. My guess would be all the things that result from the emotional maturity gained in confronting/accepting/being gay in the first place. In my experience, most gay men have generally sorted through a truckload of masculine identity bullshit to arrive at where they are. Because they had to. It’s the same reason you find that so many of the outcasts and unpopular kids from high school become remarkably awesome human beings rather quickly into adulthood, compared to their EQ-stunted, life-just-extension-of-high-school “popular” kid peers.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Understoodatlast on 2023-10-06 17:30:28.

I've been working on an on-going assignment with a guy that's abusive, manipulative and passive-aggressive. He's been there for a long time and gets along great with the manager. He has made my life miserable - sabotaged me, lied to me, lied about me, refused to train me but lied about doing it, verbally abusive, sexual harassment etc. Management essentially blamed me and acted as if I was "too sensitive". This has been happening since I started. Other employees have even talked to management about how the guy treats me.

Since management refused to act, I decided to stop being a "team player" with the guy, and ignored any requests from him. I did this for one week. Management pulled me into a meeting with the guy, they basically "put me in my place" by letting me know that the guy would oversee my performance in another assignment. They implied that I would be removed from that other assignment next month. The person I work with on the assignment I'm being removed from is one of the people that stood up for me.

I hate this so much. I'm looking for another job. But the situation makes me so mad. It is humiliating and dehumanizing. At least I'm old enough and with enough life experience that I know this is NOT my fault. I'm still angry at myself for not having found a new job yet.

I hate being at the mercy of men that abuse their power.

Basically, I'm being punished by management for protecting myself against the man abusing me at work.

How do minimize how this situation affects my mental and physical health? I need to keep it together while job hunting.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/WWW_Menace on 2023-10-06 17:05:46.

This shit is so beyond me

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/nestorbeto on 2023-10-06 17:34:19.

A week ago I went to the grocery store near my house. I'm there a lot since we tend to base meals around what we have on hand and grab the one or two items missing so it's a few small trips a week.

There's a man who works there who always seemed to be working hard and would go out of his way to greet me. I had a weird vibe but tried to ignore it. When I went last week he approached me in an aisle with his phone. He showed me a picture that looked like an Only fans ad. Barely dressed woman who just had similar hair to mine. I was kinda horrified and said no. He practically ran away.

It took me a few minutes to understand what just happened and come to terms with the fact that something violating just happened to me and I now needed to act. I told the manager and did what I should. I was scared. The manager said she would make the employee sit upstairs while she checked the cameras.

He snuck away from her. Watched me the whole time I checked out. And shouted at me as I left. I've been told he was fired. I've only been once since and didn't see him there. The manager let it slip that this revealed some darker stuff about the employee and his family was involved in getting him care. I don't know what that means but I hope that whatever it is is okay.

I've kinda had this sitting on my brain since. I've been saying that I felt rattled but now that the dust has settled I am trying to find a better way to explain my feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/hereshecomes2 on 2023-10-06 17:29:21.

Girly is 16, isn't it the age where you experience sith make up, hairstyle and clothes ?

He won't let her because "you're very pretty now already and it will just bring men attention on you". (One day she'll tell him she loves girl and not men...) but in the meantime she has to keep dressing how he want, with no make up and wilde hair. I'm sad for her, girl just want a little fun.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/smolnugget27 on 2023-10-06 12:49:40.

I’ll try not to be all over the place while writing this but in case I still end up doing that I apologise in advance.

My bf (20m) and I (20f) have been dating for over a year atp. We met and started talking about 3 months before getting together.

I had gone through a rough breakup and had severe trust issues, I opened up to him - which was hard but he made me comfortable. I talked to him about everything, he did the same and it felt genuine. He was always patient, affectionate, understanding and compassionate towards me, we took things slow because I was scared of hurting again. He made me fall in love with him. When I say he was the perfect bf for me, I mean it. He was just what I needed and always so loving.

We had our fair share of issues like any other couple but we stuck together and dealt with them. One main issue was that whenever I asked him about his last relationship he used to brush it off and be super vague, his response to my questions would usually be “I don’t remember”, “idk I forced myself to forget” or he would downplay his previous relationship entirely like “it wasn’t that deep”. Obviously this would make me really sus (?) because I used to get this gut feeling that he’s not being honest. I was a100% open with him about everything and I expected the same. Another issue was how I felt like he didn’t put in enough effort or time when it came to me and it just got worse after we became long distance.

That was the back story, now this is what happened these past few days.

We both had each other’s socials logged in and I randomly looked up my name in his chats and that’s where the sh*t show started.

He and his friends had talked so disrespectfully about me when we were in the talking stage and a few weeks into our relationship as well. It made my blood boil. For starters, he told his friends about how “my ex ditched me lmao” and how “I had all sorts of trust issues”, how he was “getting *the b word* and pursuing a new one atm (me)” and a lot of other cheap things. His friends told him about how he should “rail me and take a video to send it to my ex hookup” and again many other cheap things that I’m not gonna include because this post will become too long. They also talked about other girls very cheaply. Along with that, his ex relationship wasn’t anywhere close to what he wanted me to believe, so that’s beautiful too.

(These were all old chats to clarify again, 3-4 months into us talking and being in a relationship)

My trust in him is shattered, I can’t look at him the same anymore. I see his face on vc or pictures and my blood boils, all I can think about is how he talked about me, how he let others talk about me, how he made me feel like I was crazy for asking about his ex over and over again when in fact he was the reason I felt that way in the first place. I find him revolting. The worst part is he never planned to tell me any of this. I know some of you will comment about how “guys talk” but I’m not gonna give any guy a free pass like that. I would like to believe that there are decent guys out there no matter how normalized this cheap way of talking has become.

I feel betrayed, heartbroken and so so angry.

I broke up with him.

He kept telling me how I’ve changed him as a person entirely and how he knows he was cheap and disgusting before and what he did wasn’t right but that’s not him anymore. He told me to think back and tell him if I ever felt like he treated me badly and I agreed he didn’t.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve blocked him from everywhere but I feel like I might’ve overreacted ?

And I also feel like if I don’t reach out he won’t either because he thinks he has lost me completely (or maybe he just doesn’t wanna put in effort lol). I love him and want to be with him but I can’t even look at him now. A part of me no long thinks it's even worth it anymore.

Tbh it's not like he is making an active effort to get in touch with me anyway. Looking back, our whole relationship seems like a lie.

I don't know if I can give it another shot, I just don't trust him to be honest with me or put in any effort anymore. How do I go about things? What if I've made a rash decision by breaking up? Is it worth trying again?

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/sympathysymphony_ on 2023-10-06 16:16:47.

I thought it was just the initial shock, but it’s been over a month since we found out and he still feels the same way. I broached the topic last night again and told him I would like to keep it, and he listed out about 20 reasons why he doesn’t want to and ended it with “…but if you really want to, we can do it.”

As if I’m going to feel good about it at that point? I’m really sad. I seriously don’t think I can look at him the same after this. I think my marriage might be over.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/TemperaGesture on 2023-10-06 16:03:15.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/carex-cultor on 2023-10-06 15:52:06.

Women in abusive relationships are often advised not to attend relationship counseling with their abuser, for good reason. Abusive men will merely learn new and even more effective tools to abuse their partner, by couching the abuse in therapyspeak.

But I’ve noticed this happening more and more even if the man in question attends therapy alone. With more boys and men being encouraged to seek therapy and get in touch with their feelings - and rightfully so - I’ve also noticed an uptick in abusive and controlling men using terms like “gaslighting,” “boundaries,” “narrative,” “DARVO,” etc, to lend pseudo-academic credibility and a shroud of innocence to abusive and controlling demands/behavior. Jonah Hill is the quintessential example of this.

Therapy is a vital tool for many, and that includes many normal men who reap great benefits from opening up to a therapist and learning the right words to describe and process their experiences. But be very careful about men, especially male partners, attempting to use that newfound language to control you.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/disjointed_chameleon on 2023-10-06 15:43:09.

There was a post on another sub about the proliferation of "Are we Dating the Same Guy?" FB groups that have exploded across many US cities. The general consensus/feedback from the post in question was about women making false claims, and that these FB groups are defamatory, and how can men go about - essentially - shutting down those groups.

...... Maybe...... just maybe....... what if..... gasp...... men just acted right in the first place? If they acted responsibly and ethically in the first place, and treated their date(s) the right way, then maybe we wouldn't need those FB groups? Or might have less need for them?

But, evidently, they exist for a reason. Most women don't go around making false claims about men. Those FB groups exist because (in my opinion) we want to warn other women, our sisters in arms (so to speak) about the dangerous or volatile nature of men that come across our paths.

I don't know. Just my two cents. What do you all think?