this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2023
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I would love to create a community on here for men's mental health and (actual) issues, but I'm afraid it would get invaded by the toxic masculinity crap.
Isn't this exactly part of the problem? Men have been gaslit into "being a man" on one side, while also being taught to fear "toxic masculinity" if they try to discuss their problems in group/digital settings. It seems no matter how such a community behaves there will always people that push both of these narratives. But they're not part of the solution, so I'm not sure I'm gonna take them seriously.
Guys being gas lit into "Being man" is the toxic masculinity I am talking about.
"I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad...", what actually does people think toxic masculinity is? The one you're replying to seems to have been tricked into believing that feminists think that all masculine traits are bad. They are actually listening to the enemy of their own self best interests.
I think there might be some overlap causing confusion. Being protective and problem solving are not inherently bad, but combine it with stuff like dominating, controling and not listening to others, and it can be very harmful. So a person might believe that they are just being protective but since they didn't listen to the other person their actions turns to controling instead.
I finally started to address my mental health issues and would love a community like that fwiw
Done, wish me luck.
[email protected]
Hi there! Looks like you linked to a Lemmy community using a URL instead of its name, which doesn't work well for people on different instances. Try fixing it like this: [email protected]
It's is a good idea... but it will get hijacked by right-wing grifters. That's how the whole "incel" thing got started.
Yeah - I haven’t checked Reddit again but there was
Menslib, which was focused on Men related issues and discussing them from an empathetic standpoint. I’d say it were critical social discussion with a clear emphasis on men.
And there was bropill, which was less about longer discussions and more about sharing in general.
I dunno if they are still active but if you start something I’d love to join that community. So maybe write me a DM if you do? :)
There was one in reddit that worked well IMO: menslib
It would require very strict moderation but it's feasible...
It doesn't necessarily require strict moderation... but the mods will have to follow the Bartender's Rule.
Yep, exactly what I was thinking about
This is great! It reminds me of this video which in my opinion everyone should watch who tries to run a community (and everybody else should watch it as well).
The Alt-Right Playbook: How to Radicalize a Normie
Just as a shady bar can be a magnet to not so nice people, a mental health online community for specifically men on a platform like Lemmy (that probably already has a not so diverse user base) is basically a honey pot for people who want to spread certain ideologies.
The video gets reported endlessly on YouTube btw, that’s why it is “age restricted”. :( While it talks about hatred it doesn’t endorse hatred. But for some reason this gets a video age restricted on YouTube while videos which are actively hateful do not get restricted…
Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/P55t6eryY3g
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.
The thing is, you're going to need actual leftists with a lot of experience in right-wing narratives to do that... liberals can't. They only recognize right-wing narratives when it's far, far too late - if they recognize them at all. That's what the Bartender's Rule demonstrates - you can't allow right-wing ideologies to hide behind "respectibility politcs." If you do, the right-wingers have already won.
I'd totally be down for that kind of community.
DM me if you set it up too.
There's a sub-reddit called Daddit. It was a great support group for Dads on reddit, either struggling or wanted to share their love for their kids. It's very doable, you just need to set an example early on for what it needs to be.
Toxic masculinity is just severe insecurity and blatant ignorance with a sprinkle of lack of education. Modern day caveman only good for moving logs and building houses. They now think they deserve a place where something educated needs to be discussed and instead of understanding or trying to understand they just spout their bullshit.
there was r/menslib on reddit. Maybe there will be some movement here
We can kick out the weenies who are all like “u must be dingus to be man that is what grampa told me”
Lemmy's userbase is majority men. Yes, there will always be toxic manosphere types, but for every one of those there are hundreds of men who are ready to support each other, who need to be heard, who struggle with depression, who want to learn what healthy masculinity means in this day and age, who want to decondition from toxic masculinity, who need help to recognize that they may be a victim of abuse, who need to know that they are not defined by their height or salary, who want to learn about fatherhood, and so on.
I'm not a man, so I don't feel qualified for this. But I'm hoping that someone can build a community on Lemmy like r/menslib and r/guycry back in reddit. These communities offered perspectives that would have otherwise remain unspoken IRL because of the pressure men face to present themselves in a certain way.
I don't mean to pressure you into making this community. I only mean that if you do, I'm sure it will be greatly appreciated. The toxically masculinity trolls are far out numbered by normal men who are just looking for a safe place to talk without judgment.
Why not mental health for all?
Everyone deserves mental health. And everyone deserves a safe space to discuss their feelings and emotions with others in a similar situation. And I don't want a space strictly for men. A LOT of men need to hear women's perspectives and experiences. And process what was shared and why it is important. I don't want men to learn how to be better men. I want men to learn how to to be happier, and better people.
There's a benefit to having communities for all and communities focused on the different groups, may it be specific genders, ethnic groups, generations, socio economic backgrounds and so on... The support people need might be similar in some cases, it can also be very specific to who they are in other situations...
I’m on the fence about that. The internet seems so fractured, hateful, extremist and identity based, that it seems like leaning into an identity group is going to create the problems it looks to solve, in this case toxic masculinity.
Irl is a different story though.
I didn't mention it in that comment but mentioned it in another, it would need to be tightly moderated to work, so does any similar community though.
Yeah, I suppose if it’s really focused on positivity and support then it couldn’t be bad
I’m on the fence about that. The internet seems so fractured, hateful, extremist and identity based, that it seems like leaning into an identity group is going to create the problems it looks to solve, in this case toxic masculinity.
Irl is a different story though.
Because a lot of women perpetuate societal standards of toxic masculinity and make men feel unwelcome
Isn’t that all the more reason to have an inclusive space to talk about it?
There's nothing stopping women from reading or commenting in a forum for men's mental health, just like there was on forums on reddit that were about women's issues. Likewise, there is nothing stopping you from joining forums for both men's mental health and mental health in general.
Forums don't have to be everything to everyone. In fact, that's the whole point.
Honestly, I agree, putting a gender slant on it, unless completely necessary, can easily arecomplicate the situation, as its putting these expectations at the front of mind. I often see this leading either into resentful sexism, or original sin type self-loathing for being a man.
I honesty just think tbe topic of gender online is so toxic, that mixing it in with mental health can cause lots of unnecessarily complications, and makes it easy for third parties to take advantage for their own ends.
How can you even dare do suggest such an evil thing? Everybody knows men and women are completely different creatures. There's no way they would be able to talk about mental health together! /s
/s
Thanks for the suggestion, I thought it was obvious
Yep no problem :)
I think that's implied. Damn brave for not using the /s
Edit: I just checked the commentor's history, I believe this is almost certainly sarcasm.
They've added it to their comment so this is the good ending I guesss