Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Silent-Calendar-8548 on 2024-01-22 11:51:48+00:00.

Hey Reddit, so recently I found myself caught in a tough situation that's begging for some judgment. I'll start by introducing the people involved—me (27M, Black Muslim), my friend (25F), and her group chat (GC) that allegedly accused me of making derogatory racial slurs towards them, with no evidence to back it up.

Now, this all began innocently enough when I joined a friendly group chat with my friend and a few others who shared similar interests. We had a pleasant dynamic until one day when my friend suddenly accused me, out of the blue, of calling them "cotton pickers" and "terrorists" in private conversations.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. These were not just any accusations; they struck at the core of my identity. Not only am I a person of color, but I am also a practicing Muslim. The gravity of these allegations cannot be ignored.

I immediately asked for screenshots or any form of evidence to substantiate these claims. To my disbelief, my friend and her GC provided no proof whatsoever. No chats, no messages, nothing. It was all purely hearsay. Initially, I tried to resolve the conflict privately, but their refusal to provide any evidence left me with no alternatives.

Feeling that my reputation was severely tarnished, I decided to share my side of the story on Reddit. I disclosed the situation, without revealing their identities, and sought impartial opinions on whether I was the one in the wrong. While all the details were shared, I was careful to protect their privacy, as I believe that's important. I was solely seeking advice and judgment from the online community.

However, it quickly stirred up a heated debate. Some Redditors sympathized with me, acknowledging the absence of evidence, while others accused me of publicly humiliating my friend and her GC. The responses were a mixed bag, with people highlighting the importance of maintaining privacy in such disputes. It made me question whether my decision to turn to Reddit was justified.

After seeing the reactions, I decided to remove the post out of respect for my friend's privacy. I also reached out to her and explained my intention behind posting on Reddit. I reassured her that my only goal was to clear my name and seek unbiased opinions.

In the end, the situation remains unresolved. My friend and her GC maintain their accusations, but without any evidence, it feels unjust and unwarranted. So, here I am, turning to you, Reddit, to get your perspective on whether I crossed a line by seeking advice on a platform like this. AITA for publicly sharing my side of the story after being falsely accused, even though I maintained their privacy throughout the process?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/swooshynoko on 2024-01-22 11:49:23+00:00.

Last night, my girlfriend and I went out for dinner. After we finished eating, I wanted to order a specific dessert from the menu. This dessert was advertised as being for two people because of its large size. My girlfriend wasn't very hungry and preferred a different dessert, but I insisted on ordering the large one for myself. She became upset, saying that it was unhealthy and odd for one person to eat a dessert meant for two. She also mentioned it might be disrespectful to the restaurant.

We had a mild argument about this, and I ended up not getting the dessert I wanted.

So, am I the asshole for insisting on ordering a dessert meant for two people, even though I was going to eat it alone, especially when it upset my girlfriend?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CronusProbandi on 2024-01-22 11:37:42+00:00.

I (15M) used to have a crush on one of my former friends, "Peter" (15M). He asked me one day if I liked anyone, and I said that I did. He was very eager to know who it was and kept asking me about it and guessing who it could be for days but I didn't tell him initially. I decided to tell another friend, "Sam" about it. Sam told Peter, who approached me during school. He asked me if I really had a crush on him. I tried to stall but eventually said yes. He said something like "Sorry bro I'm straight" and walked away. It wasn't how I wanted him to find out, especially considering that we were surrounded by classmates. So to clarify things I talked to him online. This is the chat log:

Peter, I know you got to know about everything in class, but...

Yo

I feel like this warrants a full-fledged explanation

Hi

Okay

So

You are, genuinely, one of the most charming, sweetest, kindest individuals I have had the pleasure to meet

That being said, I'm aware

Tf

Yooo

That the odds are you won't be reciprocating those feelings

BruhYo I'm straight as a line

Nah

Man

Stop it

Be a man

I'm not seeking a relationship in freshman year with anyone

TfYo

I have neither the time nor effort

Bruh

Stop

Stop

Stop

That's it

Its done

Did you realise that doing this u lost my respect

So manI cant

Like be a man

I never expected this

Okay look, to be clear I have no intentions of engaging in anything other than friendship with anyone

YeOkiNow i can't talk byeBye

Just a second

Fine

Weren't you the one pestering me to tell you who it was? So I just decided to be open about it

YeI thought you liked my sis

But I never knew

How tf

Ye bye

I gtg

He blocked me, and from then on he stopped talking to me irl and started insulting me behind my back, like advising my friends not to fraternise with me because I would "turn them gay". I was obviously very miserable and told a few of my friends about it. They were curious about what exactly Peter said to me and asked me to share a screenshot of the convo. So I did. It seems that they shared it with others too and it eventually reached Peter. He did not mention it to me at all so I had no idea.

Later, I confronted Peter about insulting me behind my back in front of a teacher, which he vehemently denied, even though many of my friends could bear witness. He changed the topic and told the teacher that I had spread the screenshot of that convo which I shouldn't have done because it was embarrassing, and it should've been kept private. Although the teacher reprimanded him for talking about me behind my back, she scolded me too for sharing the screenshot. I said it was clearly justifiable and that others should know how bigoted he is. But she insisted that both of us were in the wrong and that each of us should apologise to each other. I refused to do so. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GovernmentHuge5717 on 2024-01-22 11:36:52+00:00.

Wife (31) seemed distant a few weeks ago and was raising some red flags as I’ve (32) been in these situations before and it never turned out well.

We’ve been together 8 years and married for two. We have had some ups and downs and now have a small family together. Let’s get to the point; she had a co worker she used to work with occasionally text her, I’ve seen the name come up and I would ask who that was as I’ve never heard of them. I was usually met with “just a friend” or something like that. This last time I seen her had texted her she acted defensive when I asked again and said hastily and angry like “he’s a friend who’s gay and has a boyfriend “. Mind you it had been a few months since I inquired. I needed to borrow her phone to make a call for some tech support as I was having issues with my device, I decided to snoop out of curiosity. I had seen that she deleted the messages and looked in the recently deleted and recovered them. Scrolling back I noticed that he always would bring her lunch at work and then they would also go out to places after work which I had never had any known of. A few years ago before were married, we broke up for a short time, when we reconsiled she told him about how she was pregnant with my kid and that we had worked out. His reply was “I hope that doesn’t change our relationship “

Maybe I’m over analyzing but when I confronted her on it she lost her shit at me, understandably so as I had looked at her messages. But I wanted to be sure. She had been to his house at least once, but I it was to sell something. She ended up cutting him off after everything, claiming I wouldn’t let her have friends, infect it’s the opposite, I want her to have friends. The big thing is that if you’re going out with another dude and I don’t know about it, what does that look like to me? If I did that with one of my female friends or had a similar instance, I would be the bad guy. sorry this is a damn novel, but I keep thinking about what it is. We haven’t had sex in three years aside from one time that was good and a few where she just does it to shut me up and clearly doesn’t enjoy it. So I stop and give up. Yeah I get child birth is difficult, but for 3 years? Am I wrong for wanting to be intimate with who I love?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Independent-Letter64 on 2024-01-22 11:29:01+00:00.

Hi there my name is Victoria (not my real name) and im 24. I just had a baby and shes 4 months old. I recently moved out of my apartment that i initially got with my ex because it was to expensive to pay on my own. For a little backstory my ex who is the father of my child moved out a year ago and we broke up 5 months into my pregnancy, he is 30. We were together for 5 years, it wasnt a perfect relationship and we had our arguments. One day he decided to tell me while i was admitted into the hospital due to a health condition that he was moving out in 2 weeks. Never gave me a heads up or anything. The lease wasnt broken because it was to expensive to do that so he left with his name still on it. We had a one bedroom apartment so i really couldn’t get a roommate either. We still were together for the next 7 months and i was on birth control for years but it failed me this one time. We didnt really talk much during my pregnancy, he didnt show up for the birth of our daughter. He did visit us in the hospital after she was born. We were doing great until my lease was up and we both knew i couldnt afford rent since im not working because im attending school. Im on public assistance and receiving financial aid but that wasnt enough. I have no family or friends that can help out. He knew i was struggling but never offered to help out. He has a house, i never asked him to help me because i was scared he was going to say no. I did speak to him and he reluctantly took me and his daughter in. To make things clear i told him i would take the couch and not sleep with him in his bed. Getting back with him is not my goal or plan just to make things clear. He makes it so obvious that he doesnt want us here and he even told me that on his days off he wants me and his daughter out of the house until 10pm. AITA if i convince or “manipulate” as he puts it, for letting me stay at his house on his days off? I have a 4 month old baby i cant be walking around with her in the cold. That would disrupt her schedule. Also in the beginning he was sending me links to a homeless shelter. I have to endure him for the time being i don’t feel comfortable with this situation but i have no other choice, he’s an ex for a reason. You guys have no idea how much i sacrificed and lost over the years just to be with him and this is the treatment i get. I met him when he had nothing besides a car and he was living in crappy dusty room only for him to screw me over, i end up homeless and he ends up with his own apartment. In the end i acknowldge that it was my fault for ever dating a guy like him and sticking with him through out the years and i take this whole situation as a lesson learned and it gives me even more reason not to get back with him and to put him on child support. So is he the asshole or am i?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dazzling-Scar3224 on 2024-01-22 11:26:29+00:00.

This is short and sweet. I’ve had a pretty high fever since last night, and it’s worse this morning. Both my husband and I work from home, and I called out sick. My daughter’s daycare is 20 mins each way, and as soon as I told my husband I still feel awful and am taking a sick day, he asked if I could drive her to daycare since I won’t be working.

I get he’s still on today, but one of us drives her to school each day and we’re still working those days as well, so for him to immediately respond to me when I told him I still have a really high fever to drive her to school seems really callous to me, and I said that to him. He said it’s still a sick day, just drive her. Thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aliengal1999 on 2024-01-22 11:25:26+00:00.

I 20F and my sister 27F just had a massive fight and I can't understand if I'm in the wrong. Also apologies for the formatting, I'm on mobile.

So my 3 older sisters and I have a groupchat we all keep in touch in. My sister "May" 27F sent a picture of her bedroom at her boyfriends and how she set it up, in the background I saw a few of my things, including the christmas present she bought me in the background. It was a really nice hair brush and hair clip set in my favourite colour that I was really happy to get from her on christmas.

I was obviously a bit annoyed when I saw it, and messaged "Is that the gift you got me for christmas? Maybe don't buy me anything if you're just going to take it, I can buy one for myself then", which to be honest may have been an emotional reaction in the moment. My other sister "Bella" 30F messaged "yea thats rude why take a gift you bought lol", and it escalated from there.

May instantly got angry, told me that she doesn't care if its rude, because she's trying to be rude to me, since I never messaged her when her cat died. For some context, May's cat unexpectadly and suddenly died around 3 weeks ago, it shocked and hurt the whole family especially may, as he was her "companion animal". Now, when he died, May asked for space, and stayed at her boyfriends, I was dealing with a stressful situation in my life and was afraid to message May because I didn't want to bother her.

I have extreme anxiety and May scares me. She has Bipolar and is very unpredictable. I've had a problem with using avoidance to cope with anxiety because I psych myself out, and I kept thinking what if I send my condolences and shes messages back "don't talk to me, I don't want to think about him right now" or calls my condolences fake or something? I just got too afraid of her potential response and said nothing since it seemed like the safest option.

So, May continued to say that she won't be nice to me, because I wasn't there for her, and she was there for me when my "fucking rabbit" died last year. I just kept trying to communicate and say I'm so sorry, you're unpredictable and I didn't know how you'd respond if I said anything, May said "fuck you, piss off" and my other sister bella said "its commom sense to say something to family when a pet dies" and I just kept saying I was afraid to say anything.

The conversation completely switched from May being wrong for taking back a christmas gift, to me being wrong for saying nothing when her cat passed away. Bella then sent a message saying me and May are both aggressive and overeactive, and that I should accept I'm wrong and should've known better, and both said I should seek therapy for my avoidance.

I just feel so villainized, I have autism and anxiety and struggle to get "common sense". I get so afraid of how people will respond that I say nothing. I can't help but feel like my sister May is in the wrong because its so hard to tell when she'll go nuclear.

AITA For saying nothing?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PhantomPenguin2 on 2024-01-22 10:58:16+00:00.

This was a year ago. A very strange coincidence happened to me.

I had a really nice bike that I saved up $1,000ish for. I had that bike for about 6 months when I parked it outside a store with one of those stretchy locks around a pole. When I came out of the store, the bike was stolen, despite being in a pretty good neighborhood.

3 weeks later, I chanced upon my bike outside my work, it had the EXACT same serial number on it and everything, I checked. So I got some bolt cutters and stole my bike back.

I later found out from a friend/co-worker that his bike got stolen (my bike). I thought he must be the thief, but I didn’t say that out loud. I asked him how much he paid for (my) bike? He said he bought it for $200 at a garage sale, but can’t remember the house.

I never drove my bike back to work, nor did I ever tell my friend that I stole my bike back from him.

Part of me always suspected that HE was the thief. But I never knew for sure. I feel bad that, if what he said was true and he didn’t steal my bike, then he wasted $200 over me. But my paranoia and general distrust of people caused me to not tell him and hold a small grudge. I do feel bad though bc maybe he’s genuine looking back.

I lost contact with him when he was diagnosed with leukemia. He did not survive, recently I found out from neighbors.

AITA?

Edit: And how “likely” do you think he was the thief?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sea_Chapter4563 on 2024-01-22 10:39:30+00:00.

I (48F) lied to my husband (46M) about the reason I put my daughter in therapy. My daughter (16f) is super secretive and closed off. I've always been upset at the fact that she seemed to prefer her father to me, and I assumed it was because she was a moody teenager, and I was the only person that yelled at her. My husband would only calmy tell her what to do, but I feel this doesn't always work so often time I had to yell.

Recently, I saw her phone password, and immediately waited till she left for school. I went through her phone and my heart seriously broke. She was on this app, Reddit, and made posts about what a terrible mother I was. She wrote letters adressed to me, and went in detail on her chats to others about the "fucked up things [I] did to [her] as a child". My daughter has always been a sensitive girl, and to be honest, half the things I did were normal.

So I signed her up for therapy. She's a little mad about it, therapy is highly looked down upon in our family but I have been reading upon it. When I spoke to my husband, I told him she was having self-esteem issues, and didn't mention me. She really does have esteem issues but I wanted to get all the issues sorted by a therapist anyways.

I didn't want my daughters sensitivity to make my husband see me in a different light because I know if my daughter were to talk to him, she would exaggerate it (once again, she's very sensitive) and my husband, being the overprotective parent that he is, would always take her side and then get mad at me.

I have not told him yet, and I'm starting to feel worried. AITA? If I tell him now, would I be less of an AH compared to if my daughter ended up telling him?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PROM15E-BEL13VE on 2024-01-22 08:22:11+00:00.

So, I know it might seem a bit stupid, but its important to me. It is currently a argument with my family. I(25, F) had my prom in 2017 and I bought my entire prom outfit for myself due to my family not having the best economy and I saved for over a year to be able to buy my dream dress and jewelry(everything in total about $300, which is a lot for us). I had an amazing time and that dress is very important to me since I have never had the best self confidence and it made me feel beautiful.

Now my sister(18, F, lets call her Annie) is having her prom later this year and she asked if she could use my dress as well. She loves it and wished to use it. I told her that I would prefer if she didnt since it is so important to me(I also have a nero disorder and it makes it hard for me to let other people use my things) and she said okay and said she at least wanted to ask, but she was fine with finding another dress and I said Id help pay if she wanted (and if she wanted, she was welcome to use the jewellry, she will wear the hair accessories) I am pretty stable in income. Annie thanked me and said we could go shopping together.

Now, I live about three hours away from my family due to school and I dont go home often due to not having a car. I came home last week to visit as my nephews(cousins kids, shes like a sister) are getting baptised. When I walk through the front door to my parents house, Annie is wearing my prom dress and my grandma and mom are taking messurments. I ask them what they are doing and they said that I'm being am AH for not letting Annie use it. She is my "baby sister" after all(moms words). I got upset and screamed at Annie to take it off, which I later apologised for, she believed I changed my mind since mom said I had agreed. I yelled at my mom and grandma because they tried to go behind my back and even change the dress to better fit Annie, she is 155lbs, I was almost 300lbs when I wore it. I cried and yelled at them. As soon as Annie came back with my dress, I took it and packed it down, saying I'd stay with my cousin.

Now my family is torn. Some people agreeing with me and some saying Im an AH for not letting Annie use it. I dont feel like I was in the wrong for not letting her use it, after all it was all my dress that I payed for and I even offered to pay for her dress.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Embarrassed_Ad202 on 2024-01-22 07:11:07+00:00.

So I met my boyfriend after work last night and he agreed to dropping me off at work the next morning (I travel for work and so does he). I usually take the subway to get to work and it takes me 2 hours to reach and hence I leave 2 hours early. He works in the same area but he’s self employed so there’s no time restriction. Moreover he can drive so it takes him almost an hour to get there. I woke him up this morning at 8:30 because he’d asked me to do so the last night. I called him, he didn’t pick up, then called his mom, she didn’t pick up either, then called his sister who woke him up. Then he called me back, I talked to him and he said we’ll leave in 45 mins. I called him 45 mins later after getting ready, he didn’t pick up. Called his mom, she woke him up again. I was starting to Panick by then because there have been times when he overslept and I had to manage everything by myself. It was already half an hour past the time I leave and I didn’t want to be late to work. I called him again after sometime and he didn’t pick up. 3 calls, no answer. I got furious and left my place for the subway. He called me mid way and I screamed at him in frustration and now he’s mad at me for screaming at him. Am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Membership-7647 on 2024-01-22 05:46:23+00:00.

I female 28 , have been divorced of my daughter father for the last 5 years. My daughter is 6 years old and now has started to have questions as to why her parents aren’t together. I have always told her until I feel that she is mature enough to speak about the conversation we will. But lately the past month she has been asking more and more and finally said well my dad has told me why so I don’t understand why can’t you. Her father 29 male has been speaking to my child and telling her his side of events that lead to us no longer being together. Now my daughter has anger towards me as she thinks I’m keeping secrets from her but I just keep telling her that conversation it between adults and not a child. I have been with my current partner male 30 for about two years and have recently had a new addition to our family. We have always done things together never leaving my daughter out. But as of couple of days she says she no longer loves him as he is the reason her dad and I can’t go back together. But her dad has had a relationship couple of months after our seperation but it seems her father cant do wrong only I. I have confronted my ex husband and the only thing he tells me is that he will not stop answering her questions due to her wanting to know and that he sees no wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Careful_Ad9964 on 2024-01-22 03:48:01+00:00.

AITA for not agreeing with my Husband My husband (26) is a very particular guy. He has certain things that he deems are a must and will fight tooth and nail for it. Example, never leave any thing in his car. If you go inside with a full and and groceries and leave the receipt by accident, it’s a problem, even if it’s a once in a while things where you forgot.

Another one of these things is his parking spot in the drive way. My brother (18) lives with us. My husband and I both pay for everything equally. And my brother moved in due to unfortunate circumstances from not having reliable parents. He’s generally never home due to always being at work and when he is we usually don’t see him pass the catching up.

My husband have asked my brother in the past to stop parking in his spot in the driveway and to park on the street 5 feet from our mailbox. And he will continually correct him if either of these rules are broken. Recently my husband and I got home from his sisters roller derby game, found my brother and his spot. My brother had stated that he was just pulling in real quick to drop us off some food on the counter and he was about to leave. But my husband wouldn’t have any of it. And stated that he (my brother) is to never park in his (my husband) spot no matter the circumstance. And what does he (husband) need to do to help him (brother) understand it.

Of course in front of my brother I do not say anything and I stand by my husband. But behind closed doors I expressed how angry this had made me and how childish I thought he was being. I told him I understood if my brother was playing at the park there all night, but this is a situation where he was coming here to drop us off some food and was leaving and he didn’t need to be so rude. Let alone have such a ridiculous rule to never ever park in his spot even if it’s just for two minutes. My husband took this as mean not being on his side. And threw it in my face that he pays to live here and my brother lives here for free so he should be able to enforce this.

So am I the asshole for not being able to understand where my husband is coming from.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Educational_Hand9604 on 2024-01-22 02:41:28+00:00.

My friend got "married". I put the word marriage in quotes because I found out after the fact that there was actually no legal marriage that happened, as his girlfriend apparently didn't believe in legal marriage. They instead had a ?symbolic? marriage to celebrate their commitment to eachother after being together for almost 4 years, but the guests were led to believe that it was a legal marriage. He and his now ex-girlfriend had asked for donations for their honeymoon in lieu of wedding gifts. The 'wedding' happened, and then his girlfriend broke up with him before they even went on their honeymoon. Weeks have now passed, and they never returned any of the guests' donations for their honeymoon fund. I don't want to rub salt in the wound, and I understand that once a gift is given, it is done; however, this is an unusual circumstance. Am I being an asshole asking for the money gift back?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ellissa121 on 2024-01-22 02:27:47+00:00.

Me(18F) & my older brother(26M) argue constantly over small disagreements, it usually stems from him trying to “parent me” in some sense. We both live under my fathers roof & it was agreed that once we finish school we pay rent or move out. I haven’t finished school yet & I'm planning to go to college as well. My brother has been finished school for a while now & he is jobless at the moment. He has his own family & my father told him and his gf(24) that he could live with us until he got his feet planted on the ground which is pretty understandable cuz he became a father at 21. The issue is that he has had his feet on the ground for a very long time & he had a position that payed very well & he made it clear to me the other day that he “has enough money to start a business” so it made question why he has the money for that but not the money to afford a mortgage. It’s no shocker he has money saved up because he doesn’t pay my father rent & neither does his gf. They live in the basement, 1 of the bedrooms was turned into a gaming room, my brother's bedroom was turned into their kids room & the guest bedroom is being used by my brother's girlfriend's sister(who also doesn’t pay rent) & then they turned the living room into their bedroom. So there’s not even enough rooms for all of them living down there. They leave messes in the kitchen & expect me to clean up after it. If I leave a plate or 2 in the sink he yells at me to clean it up but that means I have to clean their dishes so I've refused to clean them up a couple times. My father works week on week off & the house usually gets a big clean up before he’s home but they expect me to clean up all of upstairs even though i’m pretty much confined to my room everyday, i eat my meals in my room, i clean my messes up in the kitchen & so on. You might as well call me Cinderella at this point because all I do is clean up after everybody else. I love my brother & his family don’t get me wrong but it's unfair on me, i can’t have the kitchen between 5-7pm every night, if i want to clean my dishes i have to put all of theirs away so there’s room for mine, i have to be quiet in the evenings because their room has no walls and they can hear me. Me & my father had conversations about him moving out & my brother overheard me & my dad’s conversation, he later told me I was “stabbing him in the back” because I agreed with my dad kicking them out. I feel like an asshole agreeing with my dad but at the same time i think he’s old enough to move out & considering he said he has enough money to start a business i’m sure he won’t be homeless, there’s also 3 adults so i’m sure they could put their money together & buy a place. I honestly really wouldn’t have a problem with them if my brother didn’t try to parent me and speak to me like i’m less than him but it’s beginning to get to me, and even in situations where he’s wrong he and his gf will “gang up” on me.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Philosophy6574 on 2024-01-22 01:47:04+00:00.

I (m33) didn't meet my biological father until my early twenties. He left when I was young and I don't have any memories of him from that time. Our first meeting as an adult was messy and I didn't really have any interest in keeping in touch. A few years later I got a message from a sibling (f36). One of his kids that he also wasn't there for. She's nice and just wants to to connect with our father and myself. We got together a few times in the beginning. I stepped back after realizing our father was the the only reason we were speaking.

The problem is I don't view my biological father as family. If I'm being honest I don't really have any respect for him after meeting him and hearing him out.

Two weeks ago my sister reached out and wants to get together. I know our father is going to come up and I know she wants this family idea. She wants a dad and brother and a family bond.

AITA for not wanting to put the work into building these relationships?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MamaSparky02 on 2024-01-22 01:45:59+00:00.

I (37f), have two siblings; little sister Jane (35f) and little brother Josh (31m). BTW all names are fake. I have three children, two boys and we just had a baby girl at the end of December. My sister has a daughter and son, and my brother has two girls. Now when it comes to gift giving in our family, we only do it for the children twice a year, birthdays and Christmas. And nothing too expensive either.

However, the last few years, my brother and his family have stopped giving gifts to my kids and my sisters kids. With that being said, my sister and I have continued to give gifts to my brother’s two girls. Now, if they were short on money or going through a rough time, we would completely understand. However, my brother and his family either say they forgot and will get something in the future (which they never do) or make the excuse that they didn’t know they were supposed to get a gift. We’ve even told them that even just a card from the dollar store would mean a lot, however that seems to fall on deaf ears.

Also, my brothers two girls never appreciate any of the gifts they get. Not to mention, the attitude of my brother and his wife doesn’t help the situation either. Here is what I mean. If you were to give the two girls a gift, then either it gets completely destroyed, lost or my brother and his wife will throw it away when it’s in perfect good condition. A gift card or cash? Gets lost and they don’t care where it is. Clothes? My brothers wife refuses to do laundry, the clothes get damaged and then they just throw it away when the girls have maybe worn it once or twice. Books? Get ripped and destroyed. Even second hand and homemade gifts are just tossed aside with my brother’s family. I cross-stitch for a hobby and can do lots of different projects. Christmas stockings, wedding dates, welcome baby ones, the list goes on. Well they really wanted baby date ones for their two girls and so I obliged and made that for them. But where are they now? Sitting in a closet, collecting dust and getting damaged when they keep piling stuff on top of it; which hurts me personally since I put so much work into them. The other members of my family don’t know what to do. My parents don’t want to stir the pot, cause they know my brothers wife is very touchy and she is the gate keeper to their son. Tick her off and my brother will not speak to you until there’s been an apology to his wife; even if you are in the right and she is wrong.

I personally feel like I am just done with it all. I will still buy gifts for my sisters children and mine, but for my other two nieces? Nope. My mom feels that this would be a complete a-hole move on my part and that my nieces will feel left out .

Am I the a-hole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/whisperingxstar on 2024-01-22 01:41:23+00:00.

I (32F) bought a two bedroom house last year that perfectly suits my needs. My mom (60F) is now retiring and wants to move from my childhood home to my city.

She asked if she could have my extra bedroom to move in with me instead of getting her own condo. I love my mom, but declined - I don't want to give up my guest room and personal space.

My mom got upset, arguing family should live together. She wants to be closer to me and I'm being unreasonable by not letting her move in. I suggested helping her look for an affordable 55+ community instead.

But my mom won't entertain any other housing ideas. She insists I have plenty of room and should want her to live with me in retirement. She says I'm abandoning her in her time of need.

I feel guilty, but I'm not ready to have my mom move in at 32 when I finally have my own place. My brother thinks I'm selfish for not supporting mom's plan. But I don't think her retirement means I have to give up privacy in my own home. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwrawayr40 on 2024-01-22 00:59:46+00:00.

I (23F) am married to Jim (26M). Jim has an older sister named Danielle (28F). Danielle has a daughter (2F) with her ex John. We live 2500 miles away from them so we mostly just see each other of video calls. Jim is close to John because they grew up together and therefore is close with John’s family despite Danielle and him separating.

2 weeks ago we got news that John’s mom, Mary was sick again and that she was being put in comfort care (she’s fought and beat cancer 3 times). Despite that devastating news, Danielle refused to reschedule their daughter’s 2nd birthday party. Jim, John and both of their family’s tried to convince her to but she didn’t budge even though Mary was in her last days. Fast forward to 2 days ago, Mary passed away peacefully the night before the party. This was a huge loss to both John’s family and Danielle and Jim’s since they all grew up together. Yesterday at the party, no one showed up who said they were coming except for John and a couple of Danielle’s friends. Both sides of the family were grieving and making arrangements.

Danielle called me after the party upset about how no family came to celebrate her daughter’s birthday. She said she felt forgotten and that no one even let her know they weren’t coming and that she was shocked this few people came. I was straightforward with her and told her that a party was the last thing on people’s minds after a loss like that and that she was informed 2 weeks earlier that she should reschedule. This upset her even more and she ended up yelling and calling me heartless before hanging up.

Jim told me that I didn’t say or do anything wrong but Danielle’s friend has been sending me rude texts since then calling me insensitive and cruel. It’s making me question if I might’ve been an asshole.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Silent-Presence-2866 on 2024-01-22 00:53:01+00:00.

I live in a nice neighborhood, the driveway has room for 2 cars, its reserved for my dad and his girlfriend, I park on the curb in front of our house that fits 2 cars comfortably.

My neighbor constantly has guests over, and the guests constantly park on that curb in front of our house, which wouldn’t be an issue if they parked properly, but they don’t. They never do. They park directly in the middle of the curb leaving no room for other cars, and i work a closing shift as well, so ive been forced to find parking in the next street or park and walk back home in the cold rainy nights lugging 10-20lbs worth of items. My dad has talked to them several times, telling their guests to leave room for other cars to park as well, but they don’t care, the same thing just happens the next day.

My neighbor got a new truck and someone dinked it, he came over today to ask if we can check our ring footage to see if it caught anything on camera, only i was at home but i just said no and shut the door on him, he never had any neighborly courtesy over me having to walk the next street over or from a park to get home at like 12am in heavy rain so i did not care if his car got a scratch. My dad saw the ring camera and asked me what happened, i explained to him and he told me i shouldn’t do that because it made us look bad, but we did check the footage and our cameras never caught anything anyways so it isn’t our issue. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fabulous-Ranger on 2024-01-21 23:38:27+00:00.

I (36F) am expecting a baby in late May. When I met my midwife, she asked me if I had any allergies, and I said sulfa drugs. She asked if I've ever had a reaction or if I was just told as a kid, and if it was the latter I could be referred to an allergist because I may have outgrown the allergy. In her words, it would just make my life easier if I was able to say "no allergies."

So I went to the allergist last week, and the doctor explained that there is no test for sulfa drugs, I would just have to be exposed to them to see if I have a reaction, and he wasn't going to do that because I'm pregnant. He asked if I'd ever had a reaction, and I said not to my recollection, I had only ever been told "if anyone ever asks about your allergies, you say you're allergic to sulfa drugs." So that's what I've always done. The doctor said "I'd be very interested to speak to your mother, since this was such a long time ago and you were a child. Is it possible speak to her?" I told him she's working but I'll text her to ask. I left the appointment with the agreement that I could come back to the allergist once I'm not pregnant, and I can find out then if I'm still allergic to sulfa drugs.

That evening I received the following text from my mother: Here is the 411 on Sulfa drugs. I never let the doc give prescriptions for anything especially antibiotics that contained sulfa because it constipated me and gave me a headache. I just figured it would do the same for you and [brother]. You were allergic to ragweed and I think dust mites as well."

So I feel quite frustrated, because I'm reading this text and saying to myself, "so for the past 30 years, I've been unknowingly lying about my medical information, because you couldn't poop?"

A part of me can appreciate how funny this is, and says "ok no harm no foul" but then another part of me is super frustrated that my mother has (once again) made questionable choices that have impacted my childhood and adulthood. When I spoke to her on the phone afterwards, she didn't even bring it up, and I didn't feel like I could bring it up without airing my frustration. AITA, should I just let it go?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Salty_University_202 on 2024-01-21 22:31:19+00:00.

My wife has a bad habit of giving away or lending out things that don’t belong to her. I’ve lost count of how many times I go to look for something of mine only for her to say she lent it to somebody. She also takes forever to get the item back, she once lent my stuff to a coworker and refused to ask for it back for a month. And I’ll never forget the day my usually quiet, reserved son snapped at her for trying to give away his Nintendo switch. If I wasn’t also fed up with her behavior I would have washed his mouth out with soap. I’ve had countless talks with her but she continues to do this. My son and I have resorted to locking up anything we didn’t want touched which is something we shouldn’t have to do in our own home.

Last week I won a $300 tent in a raffle. I had no plans on using it so I was selling it. When I found a buyer and went to look for it I couldn’t find it. When I asked my wife she said she gave it to a friend of ours. I got mad at her and said she had no right to give it away. Her defense was since I didn’t spend money on it and was i planning on using it, it made sense to give it away for free. I told her that wasn’t her decision to make but she just kept repeating herself.

I had enough of this and said she’s either going to pay me herself or get the money from who she gave it to, and if she didn’t I’d get law enforcement involved. Since she rather die than ask a friend for money she paid me out of her own pocket.

This issue eventually got around to her family. While they did say she should have talked to me first they also reprimanded me for asking for payment. They reasoned that since I didn’t actually buy the tent I didn’t loose any money and it went to a friend who could actually put it to good use. I got several text saying I should be ashamed for extorting my wife for money. I think I have every right to want to be paid for something of mines that was taken but every one keeps emphasizing the fact that I didn’t technically buy the tent and didn’t want it so I have nothing to be upset about. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/femchemeng1999 on 2024-01-21 22:20:36+00:00.

Yeah I know it sounds weird - obligatory on mobile.

So I was on a 5 hour train journey today and I took my knitting with me, and the lady next to me spends her time trying to talk to me (this was my alone time listening to a podcast and knitting) telling me all about how in her home country knitting is taught in schools and how my technique is wrong and how I should let her do it and help me.

This is my alone time so I just say "I'm fine doing it my way" and keep going with my pattern open on my phone. She is literally begging me every time I move slightly or readjust to let her knit a row. If you don't know much about knitting then you know that different people have different knitting tensions and I knit very tight, someone coming in and knitting a row looser would destroy the 18 hours work I've put into this piece as I'd have to unpick and loosen the previous row.

Anyways, I nipped to the loo the first time and I come back and my stuff isn't how I left it, she admits that she was going to knit more but the lady opposing us (we were on a table of 4) told her not to, and when I got my work I realised that she'd moved the stitches and they weren't in the correct order. I fixed this and carried on. I went to nip to the loo again and got to the end of the carriage and saw her reaching for my knitting stuff so I took it with me, and did so every time I went to the loo after that.

She kept getting in my space and critiquing me and not leaving me alone. I ended up snapping "If you wanted to knit you should have brought your own knitting and not be trying to do mine. F off". She started crying and moved seats. I may have been harsh but this was 3 hours or her being over my shoulder and touching my stuff after being told no. AITA?

EDIT Thank you for all the kind responses, people were asking, why didn't I move earlier? The train was full. How often do I need to go to the loo? I went to the loo 4 times, I currently have an eye condition where I need to put in drops every hour and they leave an awful taste in my mouth so I end up drinking a lot of water, I went through my 2L bottle of water on the train.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SlovakDjokovic on 2024-01-21 19:00:44+00:00.

I'm a lurker on the reddit but I've seen posts from this sub on insta and have come to understand the demographic is mostly young people which is why I'm here. I want to understand how much this will affect my daughter from a youngin pov but also older people.

I have a 14 year old daughter with my ex girlfriend. We have split custody but her primary residence is with her mum since we live in separate cities (just an hour). My wife and I have our own little girls who are 7 years old and 10 months and a son who's 4 (I swear I'm done lol). After long discussions and preparations with our finances we decided we wanted our daughter to go to private school. As soon as my bm heard she went ballistic because she's been wanting my eldest daughter to go to private school since forever and my daughter has also been asking to go. It's not that I don't want her to more than I know I can't afford that burden. It's easier with my wife because we both work and have good jobs but my ex works at a salon so most of it will be coming out of my pocket and that's just not sustainable without giving up a lot of comforts and changing our lifestyle more than preferred.

My bm is trashing me over it and my daughter has been airing me since I told her I couldn't afford it. I don't even know what to do anymore. AITA?

BM can't afford it. This isn't an assumption. This is something I know because I know their finances and often help her out. She knows she can't pay half. We spoken about it.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WannaVacaitionDrink on 2024-01-21 17:44:59+00:00.

My (30M) wife(26F) and I (no kids yet) are going on vacation with her side of the family (parents, 2 siblings and spouses and some nieces/nephews)  I'm not a heavy drinker.  Maybe 2 beers a weekend and that's not even every weekend.  But on vacation I like to let loose and have many  drinks. The next day when i'm hungover, i just relax.  

This vacation had a packed itinerary of activities and meals.  I asked which night we were going out.  Because based off the plans, there wasn't really a day to just relax.   She said that wasn't happening on this trip.  I asked her if we had to do everything and she said yes because her parents are paying for everything.  All we had to do was pay for flights.  I told her I used my precious vacation days for this and I want to do some things ourselves.  

She told me that this trip we won't be doing that and I can skip a trip getting hammered.  But I don't want to and this has led to some arguments between us in the lead up to next weeks trip? Am I the asshole here?  

Edit: I assumed (turns out incorrectly) that my wife would vouch for a night out and day off from activies. We have historically done this on our vacations.