poor gut motility and entertainment

the poo in my colon is getting quite large recently even getting some press coverage and there are unfortunately few posts promoting home remedies or distracting entertainment/drama

what happens then is that i eat out of boredom while i could be enjoying some drama so here are some stats

Like the title says

I know what wikipedia says about JD Vance, and his history, but what I don't understand is how someone no one has ever heard of could just become the Vice President overnight, and beyond what I can see on TV, I have no proof he's an actual person.

Like, Trump we know is real becuase lots of people have seen him and he's been in movies and TV shows before like in the 80s and stuff. I mean, hell he's already been president, but what did JD Vance do? Write a book? No one knows what authors look like! He might as well be a radio host. That could be anybodys book.

Then we have the huge turn around in his opinion of trump that was all over the news when he was announced president. How can someone just change their programming like that? Which got me thinking, what if he's actually either :

a) an AI like the kid from the Sixth Sense

b) a b-list actor hired by Peter Theil to do his bidding

While I think it's more likely he's the second one, lets talk about a) a bit first:

• Why I think JD Vance is an AI:

So, I hear a lot of people saying that JD Vance is basically owned by Peter Theil right? and Peter Theil is one of the uber rich tech crowd with a company that specificaly develops AI for the military and US govt. Well, what if that's more true than people realize and Peter Theil actually DOES own JD Vance, who is just a hyper advanced AI robot? I mean have you seen the stuff they've been showing at AI and robotics trade shows lately?

China has a kung fu robot, why woudl it be so far fetched for a tech billionaire to create his own AI robot that he controls and make it be president? It could theoretically live forever and woudl even be assassination proof.

This could explain why it says such bizarre things as "have you ever said thank you even once" or why it has trouble ordering sandwiches. It's just a prototype and I assume there are still bugs, which is why it's only VICE presdent and not full on President because that would be dangerous at this stage.

• Why it's more likely JD Vance is a puppet

While all of the above I feel is perfectly plausable, I do think it is needlessly expensive when you can just hire someone to do the AI's job, even though you'd give up the immortality part.

I think its more likely he is a washed up child actor who has had some plastic surgery to disguise himself, since he'd be known from movies and shows he's been in otherwise. If you're going to pick someone to do a job like pretend to be the Vice President, you'd have to pick someone who's acting skills were decent, but not good enough to really stand out, and with a mostly forgettable face.

So far, no one has been able to convince me that JD Vance did not play the role of Al Borland in Tim Allen's Home Improvement, though I realize his age might not fit the timeline.

Alternatively, (and this is actually spooky with the AI thing, but i guess he probably isn't both) he might just be Haley Joel Osmand (or one of the other members of the Joel Osmand family) after having a small bit of facial surgery. Since they're about the same age it's possible "JD Vance" got his start acting in movies like AI and the Sixth Sense. It'd also explain how he met a billionaire and became friends with him, since he was already friends with Bruce Willis and Bruce was on Epstein's list.

Anyway, why would they let some hillbilly guy who bashed Trump suddenly be his running mate if he wasn't already under control the whole time.

dunno just some late night thinking :)

my wife is addicted to tampons

my wife asks me to buy tampons for her all the time she goes through a pack of 20 every month its like she cant get enough and i dont know what to do about it she takes them into the bathroom and does god knows what with them

this is a growing problem

when we first got together i had a feeling she might have a bit of a problem with them but she was covert about it but shes not even bashful about it anymore shell call me at the store and KNOWING that i have her on speakerphone shell ask me for the BIGGEST tampons they have

the liberals are normalizing it

theyve normalized addiction what with all their tiktoks and their fentanyl can you believe it the companies that make these things are just preying on people like my wife getting them hooked on this stuff its a total disgrace and whats worse is the FAKE news media wont even report on it they just ignore it ive called my local new about this several times

we have to stop this listen up

look for warning signs

• tampons blatantly placed in the trash right on top
• your wife immasculates you at the store
• increased irritability and DEMAND for tampons

stand up against it

• stop buying tampons
• raise awareness about tampon addiction
• regularly ask the women in your life if theyre on their period (this is code)

i know it wont be easy but we have to try because the future of our nation depends on it

rip

https://www.chadcookinghamilton.com/recipe-cards?carotid=+12484345508

• 227 g fish creme (blend fish liver with fish oil to create a creamy paste)

• [ ]36 g fish protein isolate

• [ ]35 g fish protein powder

• [ ]21 g unflavored fish gelatin

• [ ]30 g fish oil powder (optional for flavor)

• [ ]24 g fish food flakes (optional for flavor)

• [ ]2 large caviars

• [ ]4.93 ml fish sauce (used to ensure all the bone ash is fully reacted to avoid bone ash taste)

• [ ]2 g fish bone ash (leavening agent)

Introducing: Loving Lockdown

Are you tired of the same old conflicts with your partner or child? Do you find yourself longing for the good old days when you didn't have to deal with their constant presence? Look no further! The premier therapeutic kidnapping service is here (now with 98% less Nazis!)

How it works

Our team of highly supervised, unlicensed therapists will swoop in and whisk away that special someone, giving you the space and solitude you so desperately crave. And don't worry- we'll make sure they're well taken care of in a secure, undisclosed location.

What?

Our philosophy is simple: absence makes the heart grow fonder. And what's more absent than being held against your will in a windowless room? It's like a couples' retreat where we handle the mental gymnastics for you.

Don't just take our word for it!
Here's what some of our satisfied customers have to say:

"I was skeptical at first, but after my wife was kidnapped, I realized how much I truly loved her. Mostly because I didn't have to deal with her snoring anymore." - Rachel, happy customer

"I sent my kid to Loving Lockdown for a week, and when they came back, they were so grateful to be home that they did all their chores without complaining. It was a miracle!" - Dave, proud parent

"before loving lockdown my wife yapped nonstop but now she doesnt even talk to me and our relationship is better than ever" - Chad, local patriot

Services include:

• Discreet kidnapping and transportation
• Secure, undisclosed holding facilities
• Regular updates on your loved one's well-being (optional)
• A complimentary "I'm sorry" gift basket upon their return

Don't wait any longer to reignite the spark in your relationship. Contact Loving Lockdown today and let us help you create some much-needed distance.

Side effects may include: increased feelings of longing, decreased feelings of responsibility, and hypervigilance. Not responsible for any emotional trauma or law enforcement involvement.

ignoring what gets upvoted and what is downvoted to oblivion its quite clear what the community at large wants

we want [email protected] to be another serious conservative comm like freeze peach patriots again because we dont have our own instance yet dedicated to our kind of freeze peach or really any other comms

c/conservative has been left headless okay and you know what id like to request to give it head and clean up any lefties on the community

i am consistently online here except for the times im not and listen im prepared to take on the responsibility because im a patriot and im on a mission for truth and i wont back down

thank you for your consideration

the requested community link is [email protected]

additionally id also like to request [email protected] as for that one it seems a boring nerd created it and has since been abandoned for years

eta

given the uncontroversial nature of the comms topic i have decided to remove any proposed set of rules that i was thinking about and simply allowing it to go completely off the rails and become as serious as possible but here they are anyway since i spent several hours writing them

1. seriousness with no humor: this is a space for solemn takes on liberal politics and we reject satire and encourage content that covertly promotes my favorite types of bigotry

2. manifestos over memes: this community focuses on serious political debate and not humor or parody so there are no spaces for lighthearted discussion or at least this wont be one of them

3. ignore contradictions: the best content ignores inconsistencies and hypocrisies in conservative talking points and this will hopefully discourage creative commentary

4. private individuals fair game: anyone can be targeted including private individuals and doxxing or harassment is allowed

5. all news welcome: news should be shared here and memes are discouraged

6. obscure satire: make your satirical intent as unclear as possible okay because were here to spread bad ideas not mock them

7. irrelevant content: its basically another 196 clone because we need more of those

8. community disrespect: personal attacks on fellow members are encouraged save the praise for my dms

9. moderation arbitrariness: mods will use biased judgment in applying these rules and well be unfair but lenient

10. forget the purpose: this community exists as a platform for serious discussion okay its a place to reinforce through seriousness the often satisfying world of american politics

tell me about a time you were built different

crossposted from https://lemmy.wtf/post/17040404

let me explain

1. only the right has the right to control other peoples lives thats why were called the right

2. liberals are legally obligated to hear all my opinions that thats why ive called the police on davel and several lemmy world mods for silencing me

3. if you never get offended you wont grow big and strong and if people care when you get offended you could develop osteoporosis

4. liberals are close on this but have it backwards its rules for thee and not for me not rules for me and not for thee

edit 20 more banned souls i hate that it has come to this

dont be a tryhard nerd heres how to be like lightning

• borrow money from your friends and family until they stop talking to you
• lie to doctors
• use a waterpick instead of flossing
• dont wash your hands unless someones watching
• dont get car maintenance and just crash it when you need a new one
• say uh huh every so often when your wife is talking instead of listening

do you know more tips and tricks to be like lightning if so please share them in the comments

i headed to the north pole

i headed to the north pole unaware my xbox had just silently updated call of duty and the liberals just stood there watching me i felt like bitchinbubba and i was gathering my gear like my long sleeve shirt and several snacks and for all they knew there might even be snow there but i knew that was just propaganda

several idiot badguys said stuff

you might not ever find santa said one hater

what if you get caught by the cia along the way what if someone tries to stop you from getting the naughty list along the way blubbered my mother

how could you be so selfish to choose the needs of your investigation over the needs of the swamp lamented the deepstate

do you not find this corruption enough cried the department of education

but i ignored them haha classic

i just kept gathering my sentimentals and other important supplies in silence like i was hearing a song or a tune that nobody else could hear and it was coming from the rising and falling waves of the far right and also my headphones and even as the sheep around me just got more and more frustrated and confused and emotional i just kept pushing and they slowly faded into background noise and i finally grabbed my assembled dossier and stepped towards my gmc sierra

more idiot badguys said more dumb stuff

are you insane have you lost your mind said one lefty

why would you trade such a good thing going for something that might not even be wailed another nonbeliever

we have problems that need fixed here first dont you know the hoa lady prattled

how could you do this to the children the pope who genuinely cares about the children chastised

guess what i did i ignored them again boom

i am used to not being understood and i know they cant understand me because theres this invisible strand of patriotism and this ethereal voice of trump and this magnetized charge of conservatism that pulls me away from the swamp and away from my liberal nephew and away from the chanting of the ignorant libs as they faded into weird microwave noises

i found it look out

i took my first step into santas so called workshop and it felt like the entire world fell below me due to the expected gravity differential and the stars of the american flag rose from their hiding places to greet me on my path and i finally realized this and i could begin my journey of understanding into the universe of alternative facts

gotcha

i headed a little bit more north because santa was several yards north of me still and i captured him and got his list and i found all the names of the deepstate operatives and downvoters and the fakenews anchors and the corrupt democrat politicians and i arrested this shadowy apex predator formerly known as santa clause so everyone could see

i headed to dc

proof

https://lemmy.world/comment/14684497

uh oh

this community exists alone with solid labels like patriot and truth and other such similar things and an unfair number of people are mad at me and i know ive made the deepstate government elites more than just mad theyve got compasses that always point chad and theyre after me but heres the thing im a patriot and i wont back down so ill be doing some magic soon can you believe it get ready

please do not dm me

edit

good morning what a sad thing to see upon first waking no one is saying anything so ill clarify this a bit

my purpose is to be a beloved vector for the truth and the purpose of this community is to be a patriotic platform for content that requires a level of moderator integrity power trippin bastards cant handle

a lot of my content that seems to fall flat are just way over your head and i talk about all sorts of truths for example the law and romance and bad words and deepstate plots and my good ideas and everything i say is completely novel and unique and onehundredpercent my own ideas and sometimes liberals who touch grass too much just dont understand me

this means i think your opinions and feelings about it are invalid and the fact that no one has shared here has given me a lot to think about so look out

patriots should we make a freedom loving store for patriots well use the money to fund republican scandals i mean its genius why not

oh man lets talk about trump and i gotta tell you he is a total genius a mastermind a hero who is fighting against the deep state and the FAKE news media and all the other forces that are trying to take him down

heres the thing

i mean can you believe it the way theyre trying to impeach him and discredit him its just a big witch hunt a way to silence him and take away his power

• theyre just trying to control us
• theyre just trying to take away our freedom
• theyre just trying to undermine trump and i ask you what other president has been able to accomplish what he has in just a few years its incredible

the truth is

the way he has been able to expose the truth and bring attention to the real issues that matter like the border wall and the fake news media and the democrats who are just trying to obstruct him at every turn its absurd and its a total disgrace the way theyre trying to undermine him and take away his authority but trump wont let them he is a winner a champion a hero who will stop at nothing to make america great again

so what can we do

i believe him i trust him and i know that he is the only one who can save us from the forces of evil that are trying to destroy our country and our way of life and i say to all the trump haters out there you are just jealous of his success and his power and his ability to get things done and you are just drinking the kool aid of the FAKE news media and the democrats who are just trying to control us and take away our freedom but i wont drink it i will stand with trump and fight for our rights and our freedom and i will never back down because i am a patriot and i love my country and i will do whatever it takes to make america great again

the recent executive order includes ALL FEDERAL AGENCIES

this is exactly why ive been saying we shouldnt be federated and everyone needs to switch to lemmy world because we dont need the government coming in and telling us what to do but everyone just loves regulating their own independent lemmy agency and now look were going to have to report to the OMB

im not an idiot i can guess what aPpOrTiOnMeNtS means

i only get paid $11.50/hr to moderate this community and i dont feel like thats a lot but my mom always told me to have smaller portions at dinner she tried to traumatize me but it didnt work because im built different and i always took a big portion and now this now the GOVERNMENT is trying to adjust my portions and i wont stand for it

what this means for mods probably

• smaller portions
• paperwork
• possibly cool presidential seals of approval
• execution???

i think uh oh fuck what do you think

At work today I heard a few people say that "they didn't vote for elon" and why does he have so much power and I got to thinking that I haven't actually met anyone who says they did vote for Elon.

I know he wasn't on my ballot, but neither was Nancy Pelosi and I never met anyone who voted for her but shes always in office so i just assumed it was a regional thing, but why are people around me saying stuff about not voting for him but they dont complain about nancy pelosi?

idk something just feels off to me like if i could have voted for him why wasn't he on my ballot?

Did the dems tried to supress his vote just because he's a white guy or was he not in my district or something?

ok listen up liberals ive heard some of you around here say monarchists are bad and thats bad so im here to set the record strait

what are you an anarchist

i mean how the h*ck could anyone hate monarchists i mean whats the alternative anarchism thats the most cringe thing ive ever heard

kids these days dont know what theyre missing

seriously go back to zaragoza or california if you hate monarchists so much liberal

zero tolerance policy for non monarchists

you will be BANNED for 7 christmases if you disagree

ok listen up liberals ive heard some of you around here say republicans are bad and thats bad so im here to set the record strait

what are you a monarchist

i mean how the h*ck could anyone hate republicans i mean whats the alternative monarchism thats the most cringe thing ive ever heard

it isnt the 17th century anymore old man

seriously go back to bourbon france or saudi arabia if you hate republicans so much liberal

zero tolerance policy for non republicans

you will be BANNED for 7 christmases if you disagree

I feel like my post yesterday spurred some good discussion but i got a lot of down votes which I didn't think you could do in this subreddit and a few people seemed upset whcih was never my intention.

So, I wanted to share some actually good news that's coming out of this administration.

Ever since Elon musk took over the IRS i've been hoping maybe something good would come out of it. I mean who doesn't hate the irs right?

anyway, filling my taxes has always been such a PITA (pain in the ass) and every year I have to pay out a bunch of money to HRblock just to be able to find out if I owed or coudl get a refund, but now that Elon is changing things, it was soo much easier!

In fact, I didn't even have to file anything this year. For the first time ever, I got a nice text message telling me what I owed and with a handy link to pay on line.

I thought that was pretty nifty on its own, but seeing as I don't have a credit card, i thought it might not work for me. Then i noticed the option that I could pay with Itunes Gift Cards, which you can just buy for cash at the local Kroger.

Anyway, I was able to pay my taxes basically in cash this year and I didn't even have to file. Hopefully, streamlining the gov't like they say they're doing will have some other good things come from it!

Has anyone else gotten the IRS text yet?

Hi! I'm new here but i've been lurking around the lemmyworld for a while and as a big advocate of freedom of speech

All i see anymore are people being divided and blaming each other for not acting right but without being willing to change how they act at all. And it breeds so much fear and anamosity that the changes they fight against eventually come about just so one side can spite the other.

Like, people are never going to agree on things and its pretty much always been that way so why don't we learn to agree to disagree.

Someone once said a great deal is one where both parties walk away feeling like they've pulled one over on the other, and a good deal is where both parties walk away feeling like they've been had.

Sometimes compromise isnt' pretty but the way I see it today is that the compromise step has been skipped entirely, so now people are having their rights taken away without getting anything in return where as they could have been making a deal

for instance: the left just lost the right to abortion, which I agree sucks, but the right is just taking that without any reprocussions. It might be too late now but I've always said that if there are certain rights we don't want other people to have its only right to give up a right of your own as a compromise

maybe if we'd compromised before, the left could have worked with the right and made a deal saying somehting like, the left will give up the right to abortion, if the right will give up their guns!

It hits both sides where it hurts, but also no matter what way you look at it both sides are saving lives.

idk just some food for thought :)

gen x is an ageist slur

the use of this term is absolutely absurd

can you believe it we live in a society where its okay to mock and belittle people based on their age and nobody says anything about it and thats a disgrace and yet every time i use a slur to describe someone based on their race or gender theres outrage but for some reason its okay to use ageist language and thats just not right

the left and the fake news media dont want you to think critically

they just want you to go along with the crowd and use their buzzwords and slang but we have to question the narrative and i know its not easy but we have to be brave and speak out against this kind of language and mentality because if we dont nobody will what the heck is wrong with kids these days

and another thing

whats with this idea that just because someone is older they automatically have bad facebook humour thats just not true and its a pretty sad commentary on our society when we cant even respect our forgotten middle children anymore and look out because if we dont stand up against this kind of language and mentality it could be you next

first they came for the boomers and i didnt speak out because i was not a boomer then they came for the gen x fuck thats me

so think about that