this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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Never really thought too much about the friendzone thing, but this is pretty interesting read from the "friend's" perspective. Not sure what to make of it since I haven't been on "open markets" for many many years and I'm basically friend-zoning everyone and there's no expectations for anything else, but happy to have read it
It's a phenomenon that's always puzzled me a bit - the concept of the 'friendzone'. Who is out there pretending to make friends in the hopes of getting a girlfriend? If the motivation is carnal, surely there are easier ways to get laid; if the motivation is romantic, surely any friendship valuable enough to be worth considering girlfriend material on is also worth preserving on its own merits if the friend doesn't want to go any further? I suppose I understand if you've accidentally and quietly fallen madly in love and your heart is completely broken, but that hardly accounts for how widespread complaints about being 'friendzoned' are.
It's just bizarre. We socialize my gender so fucking poorly in our society.
I think it can happen for a number of reasons.
One is that location plays a distressingly familiar role in romantic relationships (we fall in love with the people who happen to be around us). Another is that casual intimacy goes out of the window for many boys after a certain age - their friends and family have stopped touching them, so if a girl treats them as they normally would another female friend, and does something meaningless like gently squeeze their elbow, it's the most amount of intimacy the boy has experienced in a while, and it gets elevated beyond its intent.
Also don't underestimate how easily many 15-year old boys "fall in love". If it is really love or just a craving for intimacy, is only determined later.
Source: have 1 year of experience being a 15-year old boy