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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayacct057 on 2024-01-23 06:32:38+00:00.
My girlfriend and I are both in college at the moment and we have been dating for almost a year. We each have our own separate apartments, but for the past several months we’ve only been staying at her apartment. We don’t see each other during the winter and summer breaks because we live in separate towns so we have to do long distance.
After this past summer break, I stayed over at her place several nights then she stayed over at mine. Eventually, it got to the point where I was just staying at her apartment every single night. Last semester, I felt like this was negatively affecting both of our schedules and our academics. I felt like we overindulged and stayed up/slept in too much. So when I first said that I wanted to sleep at my apartment on my own, she broke down and said that I hated her apartment and that I didn’t want to stay there anymore. I tried reassuring her that this wasn’t the case, and that I wanted to stay at my own apartment after it’s been so long and I thought my overall life balance was getting sloppy. I ended up staying at her place again that night. Since then I have tried a couple more times to sleep at my own apartment, even inviting her over to stay with me. But each time I try this, she either has a breakdown or gets really upset and says things like I don’t care about her, or that she feels like a second or third option, or that I always look miserable with her. It has even gotten to the point where she said she wanted to die and I panicked and tried my best to calm her down. I had also proposed sleeping at our own places during the week and sleeping with each other on the weekends but she really didn’t like that idea either.
Recently when I was sleeping with her at her place, I had some issues sleeping due to some health conditions. So when I told her I planned on sleeping at my place because I felt like I could treat my health conditions there better, she got upset and said I don’t like to spend time with her.
I understand how she can want to spend a lot of time with me because we don’t see each other over break, but I feel like we can still spend a lot of time without sleeping together every night. She’s also worried that we will see each other less after college, but I’ve told her that we can make it work, we still have so much time, and we can eventually sleep with each other every night if we get a place together and/or get married. Overall, it stresses me out knowing I can’t comfortably sleep in my own apartment without making her upset or sad. AITA?
TL;DR: I have been staying over at my girlfriend’s apartment for several months, and when I try staying at my apartment she gets upset.