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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Realistic_House957 on 2024-01-22 17:49:43+00:00.
I'm a stepmom to two teenage stepkids who are 16M and 17F. I have lived with them they were 3 and 4 years old and I officially became their stepmom when they were 6 and 7. 18 months before our wedding my husband was granted sole custody of his children and that was the last time they saw their mother. She was not a good one and they have been in ongoing therapy since, though in recent years therapy has been less frequent and they are doing better.
The kids and I have a good relationship but my relationship with them is different to the one my husband has with them. It's not your traditional parent-child relationship. It's not considered the ideal stepparent-stepchild relationship. But it's a relationship based on love and trust.
I approached this relationship as being about the kids and what they needed and wanted and not what anyone else needed and wanted. I'm a former foster kid. My relationship with my genetics donors are very much the same as my stepkids with their mother. So I get them far better than most people will. I understand in a way my husband never will. And they talk to me openly because of that, in a way they don't talk with their dad. But they also talk to him in a way they don't talk to me.
The problem we have is my husband's family do not understand my relationship with my stepkids. I have told them before I am happy with how things are and just want the kids to be okay. But instead of listening to me they judge and blame the kids and decided to take it out on them. I was out with mine and my husband's children one day and got home to my stepkids and my husband's parents and siblings in the house and my husband's family shaming the kids for not calling me mom, for not treating me like a parent, for acting as though I'm "some pet who is their possession". MIL told the kids they should be ashamed to have spent all this time with me and only call me by my name and refer to me as their dad's wife. She told them even stepmom is an insult to everything I have done for them. She told them they didn't deserve me and to still call "that woman" their mother but not to call me mom after all this time is disgusting. My husband's sister claimed they shit all over me.
I sent my kids upstairs and interrupted my ILs and made it very clear that I did not appreciate them coming into our home and saying such harsh things to my stepkids. I told them they needed to lay off because what those kids have been through is something they will never understand but I do and I am okay with it. I told them they had no right to treat people so young this way. I was angry and it was easy to see. My ILs were so very unhappy with how I spoke to them and were offended I was mad at them and made them leave. My husband had my back. My stepkids were grateful I stepped in. But I was accused of setting a bad example by losing my temper and showing such disrespect for people who were trying to support me.
AITA?