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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pinch_Of_Ginger on 2024-01-23 14:34:51+00:00.
I (29f) have been growing my hair out since before the pandemic and managed to grow it out to halfway down my butt. I've never dyed my hair and I rarely style or blow-dry it so it's very healthy. My natural color is a very uncommon red, I've been told my whole life that it's almost impossible to recreate. It's not an uncommon thing for people to tell me they want my hair.
2 weeks ago I finally decided I wanted to cut it short and donate it to Angel Hair For Kids, a company that makes wigs for children fighting cancer and other illnesses. I told my dad I was doing this and when I was doing it and he thought it was a great idea. I ended up cutting off 16 inches and have honestly never felt more like myself with my new haircut. I feel like I finally recognize myself again and for the first time in years feel good about myself.
Cut to that same night. I had sent my dad a picture of my chopped off hair at the salon followed by the haircut pics. About an hour later I received a text from my stepmother (71f) who we'll call Jane. She asked if I would consider giving her the hair so she could have it sent out to make a wig for herself.
Jane and I have had a very rocky relationship in the past. For 2 years in high school I didn't speak to her or my dad because of an issue that she had caused and never apologized for. We've since moved on and have a better relationship now. She has dealt with major health issues as long as I've known her and within the past 2 years has lost nearly all of her hair. She recently bought 2-3 wigs that look amazing on her. Every time we discussed the wigs she would joke that I should give her my hair since I had so much of it. Well it turns out that I misunderstood and she wasn't actually joking.
When Jane asked me for my hair I had already sent it away for donation, which I told her. She didn't say anything about it after that, just asked me for more picture of my haircut which I sent. In all honesty the idea of giving her my hair feels quite weird to me. I imagine showing up to Christmas to see her wearing my hair and it brings up weird emotions about my previous relationship with her when I was younger and she was more controlling.
When I saw my dad the following Monday he almost immediately brought up the fact that I had "donated it elsewhere" instead of giving it to Jane. I asked if she was upset about it and my dad told me that she was, and that he was also disappointed that I didn't think of her first. It's caused some tension between us and has made me uncomfortable, but it's also really put a damper on the whole experience of doing something good and finally feeling good about myself. I feel like I've done something wrong and selfish now.
TLDR; I donated my hair to a children's cancer foundation instead of giving it to my stepmother who is dealing with hair loss and now she and my dad are disappointed in me.
AITA here?