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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/yayydunno on 2024-01-23 14:44:38+00:00.
I (F 36) have been dating my boyfriend (40) for about a year and a half. A few months ago my mother asked me on a phone call if “we were serious” and planning to get engaged. I responded yes as this is something he and I have discussed and both want. She immediately responded, “that’s great!” Followed with “don’t expect your father and I to pay for anything for the wedding!” Bc she said “we’re too old.” (This will be important later). This was completely unprompted as I had never asked. To this I responded that he and I don’t really want a wedding and we’re not sure what we’ll do after engagement and when it comes time to plan. Her response was that “I better not elope again” and “she expects” “a nice wedding of some kind regardless of the size.” For context: I eloped with my first husband and she was embarrassed and devastated (her words). We ended the phone call by me saying she can’t have expectations if she’s not willing to contribute and that I wasn’t even engaged yet and we’ll talk about it later. My boyfriend and I don’t make a ton of money and probably cannot afford even a small ceremony and wedding dinner for even ten people if we’re being honest. We’re fine. But we don’t have $4K laying around and let’s be honest even with a tiny wedding you’re looking at that amount. Anyways, fast forward a few months and my TWIN (so same age) brother gets engaged. We’re all very excited for him. Last night my mother and I were discussing his plans (as I was trying to get the scoop and my brothers kinda tight lipped about things). She lets it slip on our phone call that they’re planning a large wedding and my parents are footing half the bill, splitting it with the brides parents. I reminded her of our conversation and she immediately called me a jealous brat and ended the phone call. Am I the asshole for being upset?
For clarity: my issue is that she’s (my mother) is insisting on a nice wedding of some kind. Insisting with no financial backing. The salt in the wound was to find out she’s paying for half my brothers and won’t admit this is not about “age” as she’d previously said with no explanation just further demands that if I do get married there will be a wedding paid out of my pocket