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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/grimeuwu on 2024-01-24 03:31:00+00:00.
I (27 F) and my partner (32 M) will be welcoming our son sometime in May. I’ve chosen to have a natural birth at a birthing center rather than in a hospital setting and have been learning a lot about physiological birth in preparation for that. My partner and I are on the same page for literally everything that has to do with the birth, but can’t agree on this one thing. I don’t want to tell his mom when I’m in labor, but rather call her and let her know after our son is born. They live 1.5 hours away from us and are prepared to drop everything and come here when it is time. I do, however, want to tell MY mom when I’m in labor, to potentially have her waiting in the waiting room in case I decided I want her support. My mom lives in a different state (12 hour drive, 1.5 by plane) and it would likely be more difficult for her to get to me. My partner thinks this is unfair as he is also “going through a big thing” and doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t want his mom there but would want mine. I told him I’m going through a huge physically traumatic event and might just want to hold my mom’s hand during it. I’m also worried about being distracted during my labor knowing his mom is in the waiting room, presumably waiting on updates for who knows how long (labor takes time!!!). My partner now thinks I hate his mom. AITA?
*Editing to add: We are only staying at the birth center for 6 hours after my son is born, and then we will be bringing him home. I planned on telling his parents as soon as our son is born and we know he is healthy, so they can come to our house and wait for us to bring him home. They will be the first people to meet him outside of my own mother.
**Second edit to add: His mom has been trying to make my pregnancy about her since we told her (mad about our circumcision choice, upset about my birth plan, upset about the name we chose, who I’m inviting to our shower) and I’m nervous that she will also try to take control of my birth experience as well.